Home » Scrubs » S04E20 — My Boss' Free Haircut

Scrubs

Season 4, Episode 20 — My Boss' Free Haircut

J.D.: YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU'RE GONNA FIND

#1

⇓

IN THE CAFETERIA AT 5 A.M.

#2

⇓

IN THE CAFETERIA AT 5 A.M.

#3

⇓

IT COULD BE THE HUSBAND WHO ASKED HIS WIFE,

#4

⇓

AFTER 36 HOURS OF LABOR,

#5

⇓

AFTER 36 HOURS OF LABOR,

#6

⇓

IF THE SCREAMING WAS REALLY NECESSARY

#7

⇓

OR THE INTERN WHO'S BEEN ON-CALL SO MANY NIGHTS IN A ROW,

#8

⇓

OR THE INTERN WHO'S BEEN ON-CALL SO MANY NIGHTS IN A ROW,

#9

⇓

SHE'S ACTUALLY HALLUCINATING...

#10

⇓

HI. I'D LIKE 2 TICKETS TO MILLION DOLLAR BABY.

#11

⇓

HI. I'D LIKE 2 TICKETS TO MILLION DOLLAR BABY.

#12

⇓

OR YOUR BEST FRIENDS WHO HAVE FOUND TIME BETWEEN SHIFTS

#13

⇓

OR YOUR BEST FRIENDS WHO HAVE FOUND TIME BETWEEN SHIFTS

#14

⇓

TO DISCUSS THEIR MARITAL TROUBLES.

#15

⇓

TO DISCUSS THEIR MARITAL TROUBLES.

#16

⇓

WHY CAN'T CARLA JUST LET THIS GO?

#17

⇓

WOULDN'T YOU BE MAD IF YOU CAUGHT YOUR HUSBAND

#18

⇓

TALKING TO HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND?

#19

⇓

TALKING TO HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND?

#20

⇓

YEAH, BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE I HAD A HUSBAND.

#21

⇓

I'M GONNA STAY AT ELLIOT'S FOR A FEW MORE DAYS.

#22

⇓

I'M GONNA STAY AT ELLIOT'S FOR A FEW MORE DAYS.

#23

⇓

YEAH, I FIGURED AS MUCH.

#24

⇓

YEAH, I FIGURED AS MUCH.

#25

⇓

I BROUGHT YOU SOME THINGS.

#26

⇓

YOUR SLIPPERS

#27

⇓

YOUR SLIPPERS

#28

⇓

AND, UH...

#29

⇓

AND, UH...

#30

⇓

REMEMBER THAT NOTE YOU PUT ON THE TOILET TO REMIND ME

#31

⇓

TO PUT THE SEAT DOWN?

#32

⇓

TO PUT THE SEAT DOWN?

#33

⇓

LOOKING AT IT WAS MAKING ME SAD.

#34

⇓

I WROTE THIS THE FIRST TIME I FORGOT TO LOOK DOWN

#35

⇓

I WROTE THIS THE FIRST TIME I FORGOT TO LOOK DOWN

#36

⇓

AND FRACTURED MY TAILBONE.

#37

⇓

YOU WERE IN A LOT OF PAIN.

#38

⇓

YOU WERE IN A LOT OF PAIN.

#39

⇓

YEAH. HA HA!

#40

⇓

(SIGHS)

#41

⇓

KEEP IT TOGETHER, BABY.

#42

⇓

KEEP IT TOGETHER, BABY.

#43

⇓

WE'LL HAVE BRUNCH ON SUNDAY AND THEN WE'LL SEE WHERE WE'RE AT.

#44

⇓

BUT I WANT TO BE WHERE YOU'RE AT

#45

⇓

BUT I WANT TO BE WHERE YOU'RE AT

#46

⇓

WHILE WE'RE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE WE'RE AT.

#47

⇓

(SIGHS)

#48

⇓

THINK THEY'LL WORK IT OUT?

#49

⇓

SHH!

#50

⇓

SHH!

#51

⇓

THE MOVIE'S ABOUT TO START.

#52

⇓

GO HOME, KATHY.

#53

⇓

GO HOME, KATHY.

#54

⇓

WHERE DID SHE GET POPCORN?

#55

⇓

J.D.: MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE BEST FRIENDS,

#56

⇓

BUT I HAD A SNEAKY FEELING THAT TURK WAS DEPRESSED.

#57

⇓

BUT I HAD A SNEAKY FEELING THAT TURK WAS DEPRESSED.

#58

⇓

I SHOULD CALL HER.

#59

⇓

I SHOULD CALL HER.

#60

⇓

TURK, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS,

#61

⇓

BUT I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT WOMEN.

#62

⇓

BUT I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT WOMEN.

#63

⇓

NO, IT'S TRUE.

#64

⇓

THE ONE THING I DO KNOW

#65

⇓

IS WHEN A WOMAN WANTS HER SPACE,

#66

⇓

IS WHEN A WOMAN WANTS HER SPACE,

#67

⇓

YOU GIVE HER HER SPACE.

#68

⇓

MY SIXTH GRADE GIRLFRIEND TAUGHT ME THAT.

#69

⇓

MY SIXTH GRADE GIRLFRIEND TAUGHT ME THAT.

#70

⇓

NO, OLIVIA.

#71

⇓

I WON'T LEAVE YOU ALONE UNTIL YOU EXPLAIN

#72

⇓

WHY YOU IGNORED ME ON THE BUS.

#73

⇓

WHY YOU IGNORED ME ON THE BUS.

#74

⇓

UHH!

#75

⇓

UHH!

#76

⇓

I HOPE SHE'S DEAD.

#77

⇓

THE POINT IS, IN THE MEANTIME, IT'S IMPORTANT

#78

⇓

THE POINT IS, IN THE MEANTIME, IT'S IMPORTANT

#79

⇓

YOU DON'T SPIRAL INTO A DEPRESSION, OK?

#80

⇓

SO I'M TAKING YOU TO A CARNIVAL DOWNTOWN TONIGHT.

#81

⇓

SO I'M TAKING YOU TO A CARNIVAL DOWNTOWN TONIGHT.

#82

⇓

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

#83

⇓

I CAN'T GO TO A CARNIVAL. IT REMINDS ME OF CARLA.

#84

⇓

I CAN'T GO TO A CARNIVAL. IT REMINDS ME OF CARLA.

#85

⇓

WHY?

#86

⇓

DUDE, "CARNIVAL."

#87

⇓

REMOVE THE "NIV" AND SWITCH THE "L" AND THE "A,"

#88

⇓

REMOVE THE "NIV" AND SWITCH THE "L" AND THE "A,"

#89

⇓

AND YOU GOT "CARLA."

#90

⇓

OH, MY GOD, HE'S RIGHT.

#91

⇓

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME STAY HERE, ELLIOT.

#92

⇓

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME STAY HERE, ELLIOT.

#93

⇓

PLEASE.

#94

⇓

AND I STILL HAVE ONLY ONE RULE.

#95

⇓

AND I STILL HAVE ONLY ONE RULE.

#96

⇓

I CANNOT TALK OR BE TALKED TO

#97

⇓

WHILE I'M ON THE TOILET,

#98

⇓

WHILE I'M ON THE TOILET,

#99

⇓

AND I ALSO CANNOT TALK OR BE TALKED TO

#100

⇓

BY SOMEONE WHO'S ON THE TOILET.

#101

⇓

YOU TOLD ME YESTERDAY, ELLIOT.

#102

⇓

YOU TOLD ME YESTERDAY, ELLIOT.

#103

⇓

I GET IT.

#104

⇓

MMM, YOU SAY YOU GET IT,

#105

⇓

AND YET YOU STILL MANAGED TO KNOCK THIS MORNING

#106

⇓

AND YET YOU STILL MANAGED TO KNOCK THIS MORNING

#107

⇓

AND ASK IF I WANTED COFFEE.

#108

⇓

OH, I JUST THOUGHT--

#109

⇓

BA BA BA BA BAH!

#110

⇓

BA BA BA BA BAH!

#111

⇓

MMM. WE'RE GONNA PRETEND THAT NEVER HAPPENED

#112

⇓

OR I WON'T POO AGAIN FOR 2 MONTHS.

#113

⇓

OR I WON'T POO AGAIN FOR 2 MONTHS.

#114

⇓

OH, GOD, THIS SUCKS! I HATE MARCH.

#115

⇓

OH, GOD, THIS SUCKS! I HATE MARCH.

#116

⇓

DO YOU REALIZE 2 YEARS AGO THIS SUNDAY

#117

⇓

MY MOM DIED?

#118

⇓

PLUS, LAST MARCH, YOU GOT THAT HIDEOUS HAIRCUT.

#119

⇓

PLUS, LAST MARCH, YOU GOT THAT HIDEOUS HAIRCUT.

#120

⇓

REMEMBER?

#121

⇓

LOOK, CARLA, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER,

#122

⇓

LOOK, CARLA, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER,

#123

⇓

I'M SURE TURK'S JUST AS MISERABLE.

#124

⇓

WHOO! WHOO!

#125

⇓

WHOO! WHOO!

#126

⇓

WAIT! OK, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!

#127

⇓

MY TUMMY'S STARTING TO RUMBLE.

#128

⇓

MY TUMMY'S STARTING TO RUMBLE.

#129

⇓

FASTER!

#130

⇓

JUMP! GO FOR IT!

#131

⇓

JUMP! GO FOR IT!

#132

⇓

KIDS, DON'T FLY OUT!

#133

⇓

KIDS, DON'T FLY OUT!

#134

⇓

# I CAN'T DO THIS ALL ON MY OWN, NO, I KNOW #

#135

⇓

# I CAN'T DO THIS ALL ON MY OWN, NO, I KNOW #

#136

⇓

# I'M NO SUPERMAN #

#137

⇓

# I'M NO SUPERMAN #

#138

⇓

J.D.: YOU SEE A LOT OF SAD THINGS IN A HOSPITAL.

#139

⇓

J.D.: YOU SEE A LOT OF SAD THINGS IN A HOSPITAL.

#140

⇓

BUT NOTHING'S QUITE AS SAD AS A DERMATOLOGIST

#141

⇓

THAT'S JUST BEEN PAGED,

#142

⇓

MILKING IT FOR ALL IT'S WORTH.

#143

⇓

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, WATCH YOUR BACKS!

#144

⇓

SKIN DOCTOR COMING THROUGH!

#145

⇓

SKIN DOCTOR COMING THROUGH!

#146

⇓

I GOT TO GET SOMEWHERE STAT!

#147

⇓

I GOT TO GET SOMEWHERE STAT!

#148

⇓

YOU CALLED FOR A CONSULT?

#149

⇓

MR. WARNER, DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE MADE ME DO?

#150

⇓

MR. WARNER, DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE MADE ME DO?

#151

⇓

BY ONCE AGAIN CHOOSING TO SPEND

#152

⇓

ALL OF YOUR FREE TIME

#153

⇓

OUT ON THE SURFACE OF THE SUN

#154

⇓

OUT ON THE SURFACE OF THE SUN

#155

⇓

UNTIL MELANOMAS DEVELOP,

#156

⇓

YOU HAVE FORCED ME TO PULL THE ATTENDING DERMATOLOGIST

#157

⇓

YOU HAVE FORCED ME TO PULL THE ATTENDING DERMATOLOGIST

#158

⇓

AWAY FROM HIS BACKNE SEMINAR

#159

⇓

AND VALIDATE HIS MOST RIDICULOUS

#160

⇓

AND VALIDATE HIS MOST RIDICULOUS

#161

⇓

OF CAREER CHOICES.

#162

⇓

EHH!

#163

⇓

EHH!

#164

⇓

OH, GOD.

#165

⇓

I JUST WANT TO LOOK GOOD.

#166

⇓

YOU, MY FRIEND, LOOK SO DAMN LEATHERY,

#167

⇓

YOU, MY FRIEND, LOOK SO DAMN LEATHERY,

#168

⇓

I'M HONESTLY TEMPTED TO WRAP YOU AROUND A BASEBALL,

#169

⇓

I'M HONESTLY TEMPTED TO WRAP YOU AROUND A BASEBALL,

#170

⇓

CINCH YOU UP WITH A BELT,

#171

⇓

AND STICK YOU UNDER MY MATTRESS

#172

⇓

SO THAT YOU'RE GOOD AND BROKEN IN

#173

⇓

FOR THE BIG GAME ON SUNDAY.

#174

⇓

FOR THE BIG GAME ON SUNDAY.

#175

⇓

BUT SINCE I'M HERE TO HEAL, NOT JUDGE,

#176

⇓

BUT SINCE I'M HERE TO HEAL, NOT JUDGE,

#177

⇓

I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND WRITE YOU

#178

⇓

A COUPLE OF PRESCRIPTIONS.

#179

⇓

YOU'LL FIND THAT THIS FIRST ONE

#180

⇓

YOU'LL FIND THAT THIS FIRST ONE

#181

⇓

IS FOR AN EXTRA LARGE MALLET

#182

⇓

TO HELP YOU POUND SOME SENSE INTO YOURSELF.

#183

⇓

TO HELP YOU POUND SOME SENSE INTO YOURSELF.

#184

⇓

THE SECOND ONE IS FOR A BIG, FLOPPY HAT

#185

⇓

THE SECOND ONE IS FOR A BIG, FLOPPY HAT

#186

⇓

THAT YOU'RE NOW TO WEAR

#187

⇓

EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE.

#188

⇓

EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE.

#189

⇓

HAVE A GREAT DAY.

#190

⇓

YOU LOOK LIKE A PURSE.

#191

⇓

PERRY, A WORD.

#192

⇓

PERRY, A WORD.

#193

⇓

OH. OH, YEAH.

#194

⇓

OH. OH, YEAH.

#195

⇓

YOUR SKIN'S ALL MESSED UP.

#196

⇓

PERRY, I AM SICK AND TIRED

#197

⇓

PERRY, I AM SICK AND TIRED

#198

⇓

OF LISTENING TO PEOPLE COMPLAIN

#199

⇓

ABOUT BEING CALLED FATTIES, DUMMIES, BOOZERS

#200

⇓

ABOUT BEING CALLED FATTIES, DUMMIES, BOOZERS

#201

⇓

LOSERS, WINOS, TUBBOS,

#202

⇓

TOKERS, SMOKERS, AND JAMOKERS,

#203

⇓

TOKERS, SMOKERS, AND JAMOKERS,

#204

⇓

WHATEVER THE HELL JAMOKERS MEANS.

#205

⇓

I WAS ACTUALLY SAYING "JOKERS"

#206

⇓

AND I HAD COFFEE CAKE IN MY MOUTH.

#207

⇓

AND I HAD COFFEE CAKE IN MY MOUTH.

#208

⇓

BOTTOM LINE, UNLIKE MY MASSEUSE FRIDA,

#209

⇓

YOU'RE NOT PRETTY ENOUGH TO BE THIS ROUGH.

#210

⇓

YOU'RE NOT PRETTY ENOUGH TO BE THIS ROUGH.

#211

⇓

WORK ON YOUR BEDSIDE MANNER.

#212

⇓

SAY, BOBBO, WHEN EXACTLY WAS THE LAST TIME

#213

⇓

SAY, BOBBO, WHEN EXACTLY WAS THE LAST TIME

#214

⇓

YOU TREATED A PATIENT?

#215

⇓

NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME, BETTY.

#216

⇓

NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME, BETTY.

#217

⇓

NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES,

#218

⇓

WE'RE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS.

#219

⇓

WE'RE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS.

#220

⇓

CONGRATULATIONS, BOB.

#221

⇓

THEY JUST NAMED YOU CHIEF OF MEDICINE.

#222

⇓

BINGO! SMELL YOU LATER, BETTY.

#223

⇓

BINGO! SMELL YOU LATER, BETTY.

#224

⇓

FINE. YOU WANT ME TO TAKE A PATIENT,

#225

⇓

FINE. YOU WANT ME TO TAKE A PATIENT,

#226

⇓

I'LL TAKE A PATIENT.

#227

⇓

THE BOBATRON IS ACTUALLY GONNA TRY TO CONNECT

#228

⇓

THE BOBATRON IS ACTUALLY GONNA TRY TO CONNECT

#229

⇓

WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?

#230

⇓

IT IS SO ON.

#231

⇓

IT IS SO ON.

#232

⇓

(WHISTLES)

#233

⇓

GUYS, IT'S SO ON. AWESOME.

#234

⇓

WHAT'S ON?

#235

⇓

WHAT'S ON?

#236

⇓

WHO CARES? HE REFERRED TO ME AS A GUY.

#237

⇓

DUDE, WE STAYED UP TOO LATE.

#238

⇓

IT WAS OUR FIRST ANNUAL INTERRACIAL BUDDY MOVIE NIGHT.

#239

⇓

IT WAS OUR FIRST ANNUAL INTERRACIAL BUDDY MOVIE NIGHT.

#240

⇓

WE HAD TO.

#241

⇓

YOU KNOW, I'M STILL PISSED THAT YOU THOUGHT

#242

⇓

YOU KNOW, I'M STILL PISSED THAT YOU THOUGHT

#243

⇓

TURNER AND HOOCH WAS AN INTERRACIAL BUDDY MOVIE.

#244

⇓

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS TOM HANKS AND A DOG, OK?

#245

⇓

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS TOM HANKS AND A DOG, OK?

#246

⇓

DON'T PAINT ME AS A RACIST

#247

⇓

JUST BECAUSE I THOUGHT "BLACK GUY"

#248

⇓

WHEN I HEARD THE NAME HOOCH.

#249

⇓

WHEN I HEARD THE NAME HOOCH.

#250

⇓

YEAH, J.D., WHAT'S UP?

#251

⇓

OH, SORRY, HOOCH.

#252

⇓

OH, SORRY, HOOCH.

#253

⇓

WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THE MOVIE.

#254

⇓

HA HA! NO BIGGIE. HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

#255

⇓

HA HA! NO BIGGIE. HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

#256

⇓

(CLICKS TONGUE)

#257

⇓

OK, SO IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.

#258

⇓

OK, SO IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.

#259

⇓

GOTTA GO.

#260

⇓

HEY. (SLAP)

#261

⇓

HEY. (SLAP)

#262

⇓

TOO HARD! WHAT IS GOING ON WITH TURK?

#263

⇓

HE DOESN'T EVEN SEEM BUMMED OUT.

#264

⇓

I UPLIFTED HIS SPIRITS.

#265

⇓

I UPLIFTED HIS SPIRITS.

#266

⇓

HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

#267

⇓

BECAUSE CARLA IS JUST BOTTOMING OUT, MAN.

#268

⇓

BECAUSE CARLA IS JUST BOTTOMING OUT, MAN.

#269

⇓

I MEAN, I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE AT WORK TODAY.

#270

⇓

I JUST CAME TO USE THE BATHROOM

#271

⇓

BECAUSE SHE KEEPS VIOLATING THE RULE.

#272

⇓

BECAUSE SHE KEEPS VIOLATING THE RULE.

#273

⇓

QUIET ON THE CRAPPER?

#274

⇓

YEAH. IT'S LIKE SHE JUST STORES EVERYTHING UP

#275

⇓

YEAH. IT'S LIKE SHE JUST STORES EVERYTHING UP

#276

⇓

UNTIL MY CHEEKS HIT THE SEAT.

#277

⇓

SHE THINKS SHE'S EXEMPT FROM THE RULE.

#278

⇓

SHE THINKS SHE'S EXEMPT FROM THE RULE.

#279

⇓

NOBODY IS EXEMPT FROM THE RULE, J.D.

#280

⇓

NOBODY IS EXEMPT FROM THE RULE, J.D.

#281

⇓

OK. SHH. IT'S OK.

#282

⇓

I'LL NEVER TALK TO YOU ON THE CRAPPER. OK.

#283

⇓

I'LL NEVER TALK TO YOU ON THE CRAPPER. OK.

#284

⇓

I CAN'T AFFORD TO SOUNDPROOF MY BATHROOM.

#285

⇓

LISTEN, THE WAY I CHEERED UP TURK,

#286

⇓

LISTEN, THE WAY I CHEERED UP TURK,

#287

⇓

I MADE IT ALL ABOUT HIM.

#288

⇓

FIND SOMEWAY TO LIFT CARLA'S SPIRITS UP.

#289

⇓

FIND SOMEWAY TO LIFT CARLA'S SPIRITS UP.

#290

⇓

SURPRISE!

#291

⇓

WHAT'S GOING ON?

#292

⇓

WHAT'S GOING ON?

#293

⇓

WE ARE GOING TO CELEBRATE YOUR MOM'S DEATH.

#294

⇓

I MEAN, YOUR MOM'S LIFE.

#295

⇓

WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE YOUR DEAD MOM'S LIFE.

#296

⇓

WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE YOUR DEAD MOM'S LIFE.

#297

⇓

I EVEN GOT A CAKE.

#298

⇓

WOW! DOES IT SAY "DEAD" ANYWHERE ON IT?

#299

⇓

WOW! DOES IT SAY "DEAD" ANYWHERE ON IT?

#300

⇓

MMM.

#301

⇓

MMM.

#302

⇓

NOT ANYMORE.

#303

⇓

JUNIOR, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DOING IN MY AREA,

#304

⇓

JUNIOR, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DOING IN MY AREA,

#305

⇓

BUT YOU BETTER BE LOOKING FOR SOME BANDAGES

#306

⇓

'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA NEED THEM

#307

⇓

WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU.

#308

⇓

WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU.

#309

⇓

DR. KELSO.

#310

⇓

I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU IN SCRUBS.

#311

⇓

I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU IN SCRUBS.

#312

⇓

WELL, THAT'S OK, LAVERNE.

#313

⇓

I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU

#314

⇓

WITHOUT YOUR MINI TV AND YOUR FEET UP.

#315

⇓

WITHOUT YOUR MINI TV AND YOUR FEET UP.

#316

⇓

(CATCALL WHISTLE)

#317

⇓

REAL NICE OUTFIT THERE, BOBBO.

#318

⇓

REAL NICE OUTFIT THERE, BOBBO.

#319

⇓

PERRY, YOU JUST GO RIGHT AHEAD AND SAY WHAT YOU WANT,

#320

⇓

PERRY, YOU JUST GO RIGHT AHEAD AND SAY WHAT YOU WANT,

#321

⇓

BECAUSE DR. BOB KELSO IS BACK IN ACTION

#322

⇓

AND HE HASN'T MISSED A STEP.

#323

⇓

AND HE HASN'T MISSED A STEP.

#324

⇓

NOW, WHERE DO WE KEEP THE SICK PEOPLE?

#325

⇓

HELLO, MS. GOLDMAN. I'M YOUR DOCTOR.

#326

⇓

HELLO, MS. GOLDMAN. I'M YOUR DOCTOR.

#327

⇓

DON'T YOU MEAN MY DOCTOR'S GREAT-GREAT-GREAT- GREAT-GRANDFATHER?

#328

⇓

DON'T YOU MEAN MY DOCTOR'S GREAT-GREAT-GREAT- GREAT-GRANDFATHER?

#329

⇓

YOU'RE OLD.

#330

⇓

YEAH, I GOT THAT.

#331

⇓

YEAH, I GOT THAT.

#332

⇓

HEY, FRIEND. I SWITCHED SHIFTS

#333

⇓

HEY, FRIEND. I SWITCHED SHIFTS

#334

⇓

SO WE COULD HANG OUT TONIGHT.

#335

⇓

HELL, YEAH.

#336

⇓

THERE'S NO BEER IN THE FRIDGE.

#337

⇓

THERE'S NO BEER IN THE FRIDGE.

#338

⇓

YOU KNOW WHAT, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO MAKE A STOP

#339

⇓

AND PICK UP SOME HOOCH!

#340

⇓

YEAH, TURK?

#341

⇓

YEAH, TURK?

#342

⇓

SORRY, MAN. I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE BEER.

#343

⇓

OH. THERE'S NO PROBLEM, BUDDY.

#344

⇓

OH. THERE'S NO PROBLEM, BUDDY.

#345

⇓

ALL RIGHT! HA HA!

#346

⇓

JUST SEEMS LIKE YOU COULD'VE SAID "BEER."

#347

⇓

JUST SEEMS LIKE YOU COULD'VE SAID "BEER."

#348

⇓

IT'S A MUCH MORE COMMON WORD.

#349

⇓

IT'S A MUCH MORE COMMON WORD.

#350

⇓

MY BAD.

#351

⇓

UH, WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

#352

⇓

WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

#353

⇓

WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

#354

⇓

YOU KNEW HE WAS THERE, DIDN'T YOU?

#355

⇓

COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.

#356

⇓

J.D.: IT'S WEIRD. I MEAN, I WANT HIS MARRIAGE TO WORK OUT,

#357

⇓

J.D.: IT'S WEIRD. I MEAN, I WANT HIS MARRIAGE TO WORK OUT,

#358

⇓

BUT IT'S NICE TO HAVE TURK ALL TO MYSELF AGAIN.

#359

⇓

BUT IT'S NICE TO HAVE TURK ALL TO MYSELF AGAIN.

#360

⇓

JANITOR: IT'S WEIRD. I MEAN, I WANT TO FOLLOW HIM DOWN THE HALL

#361

⇓

AND CRACK HIM OVER THE HEAD,

#362

⇓

AND CRACK HIM OVER THE HEAD,

#363

⇓

BUT I'M SO DRUNK RIGHT NOW,

#364

⇓

I KNOW I'LL COLLAPSE IF I EVEN MOVE AN INCH.

#365

⇓

I KNOW I'LL COLLAPSE IF I EVEN MOVE AN INCH.

#366

⇓

AND I AM NOT KIDDING YOU.

#367

⇓

AND I AM NOT KIDDING YOU.

#368

⇓

MY MOM TURNS TO THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR,

#369

⇓

AND SHE SAYS-- (SPEAKS SPANISH)

#370

⇓

AND SHE SAYS-- (SPEAKS SPANISH)

#371

⇓

HA HA HA!

#372

⇓

HA HA HA!

#373

⇓

(SNORTS)

#374

⇓

YOU UNDERSTOOD THAT?

#375

⇓

NO, BUT I KNOW WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO LAUGH

#376

⇓

NO, BUT I KNOW WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO LAUGH

#377

⇓

IN ANY LANGUAGE.

#378

⇓

OK. YOU KNOW, I WAS SKEPTICAL,

#379

⇓

BUT IT'S BEEN KIND OF NICE

#380

⇓

BUT IT'S BEEN KIND OF NICE

#381

⇓

REMINISCING ABOUT MY MOM.

#382

⇓

IT'S ABOUT TO GET A WHOLE LOT NICER.

#383

⇓

IT'S ABOUT TO GET A WHOLE LOT NICER.

#384

⇓

(BEEP)

#385

⇓

ANSWERING MACHINE: HI, SWEET PEA, IT'S MOM.

#386

⇓

ANSWERING MACHINE: HI, SWEET PEA, IT'S MOM.

#387

⇓

I JUST CALLED TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.

#388

⇓

OH, MY GOD.

#389

⇓

IT'S J.D.'S OLD ANSWERING MACHINE.

#390

⇓

(BEEP)

#391

⇓

HI, CARLA. I SURE WISH YOU WOULD CALL ME ONCE IN A WHILE.

#392

⇓

HI, CARLA. I SURE WISH YOU WOULD CALL ME ONCE IN A WHILE.

#393

⇓

HADN'T HEARD THAT ONE.

#394

⇓

HADN'T HEARD THAT ONE.

#395

⇓

SO WHAT OTHER STORIES DO YOU HAVE ABOUT YOUR MOM?

#396

⇓

(BEEP)

#397

⇓

CARLA... GOD, IT HAS BATTERIES.

#398

⇓

CARLA... GOD, IT HAS BATTERIES.

#399

⇓

IT'S ME AGAIN.

#400

⇓

IT SEEMS LIKE YOU NEVER HAVE TIME FOR ME ANYMORE.

#401

⇓

IT SEEMS LIKE YOU NEVER HAVE TIME FOR ME ANYMORE.

#402

⇓

CARLA?

#403

⇓

(BEEP)

#404

⇓

CARLA? CARLA? PICK UP IF YOU'RE THERE...

#405

⇓

CARLA? CARLA? PICK UP IF YOU'RE THERE...

#406

⇓

(RECORDING MUFFLED)

#407

⇓

WHAT WE ARE DEALING WITH ARE VENOSTASIS ULCERS,

#408

⇓

WHAT WE ARE DEALING WITH ARE VENOSTASIS ULCERS,

#409

⇓

MOST LIKELY BECAUSE OF YOUR WEIGHT.

#410

⇓

MOST LIKELY BECAUSE OF YOUR WEIGHT.

#411

⇓

WOW. YOU FIGURED OUT THAT I'M FAT.

#412

⇓

YOU'RE EITHER A BRILLIANT DOCTOR

#413

⇓

YOU'RE EITHER A BRILLIANT DOCTOR

#414

⇓

OR EVERY GUY I'VE EVER GONE TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH.

#415

⇓

OK, MOVING ON.

#416

⇓

OK, MOVING ON.

#417

⇓

FROM THE NUMBERS I'M SEEING

#418

⇓

ON YOUR FASTING GLUCOSE AND TRIGLYCERIDES,

#419

⇓

I'M SUSPECTING--

#420

⇓

I'M SUSPECTING--

#421

⇓

METABOLIC SYNDROME?

#422

⇓

YES. NOW THIS CONDITION IS NOT THAT RARE.

#423

⇓

YES. NOW THIS CONDITION IS NOT THAT RARE.

#424

⇓

1 IN 5 PEOPLE HAVE IT.

#425

⇓

STOP DOING THAT!

#426

⇓

STOP DOING THAT!

#427

⇓

WHY AM I PAYING YOU TO TELL ME THINGS

#428

⇓

I'VE ALREADY FIGURED OUT ON MY OWN?

#429

⇓

I'VE ALREADY FIGURED OUT ON MY OWN?

#430

⇓

MAYBE BECAUSE I GRADUATED FIRST IN MY CLASS

#431

⇓

AT STANFORD IN 1972.

#432

⇓

AT STANFORD IN 1972.

#433

⇓

YOU GRADUATED 12TH IN YOUR CLASS IN 1968.

#434

⇓

YOU GRADUATED 12TH IN YOUR CLASS IN 1968.

#435

⇓

SHE GOOGLED YOUR ASS.

#436

⇓

SHE GOOGLED YOUR ASS.

#437

⇓

LAVERNE, I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR STREET LINGO.

#438

⇓

WHAT I AM INTERESTED IN

#439

⇓

IS WHERE SHE FOUND THAT MAGIC PHONE

#440

⇓

IS WHERE SHE FOUND THAT MAGIC PHONE

#441

⇓

THAT KEEPS MAKING ME LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.

#442

⇓

LAST SUMMER, TURK AND I WERE FORCED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN

#443

⇓

HELPING TO STEM A HEPATITIS C OUTBREAK IN THE INNER CITY

#444

⇓

HELPING TO STEM A HEPATITIS C OUTBREAK IN THE INNER CITY

#445

⇓

OR GO TO BARTENDING SCHOOL.

#446

⇓

OR GO TO BARTENDING SCHOOL.

#447

⇓

I FELT WE DID THE RIGHT THING.

#448

⇓

ESPECIALLY SINCE I KNEW TURK NEEDED TO BLOW OFF SOME STEAM

#449

⇓

ESPECIALLY SINCE I KNEW TURK NEEDED TO BLOW OFF SOME STEAM

#450

⇓

BEFORE HIS BIG MEETING WITH CARLA TOMORROW.

#451

⇓

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,

#452

⇓

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,

#453

⇓

WE'RE YOUR GUEST BARTENDERS!

#454

⇓

WE'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT!

#455

⇓

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? ACTUALLY,

#456

⇓

I'M GONNA GO HOME AND PUT SOME THOUGHT

#457

⇓

I'M GONNA GO HOME AND PUT SOME THOUGHT

#458

⇓

INTO WHAT I'M GONNA SAY TO CARLA TOMORROW MORNING.

#459

⇓

J.D.: I KNEW I WAS BEING SELFISH, BUT I COULDN'T HELP IT.

#460

⇓

J.D.: I KNEW I WAS BEING SELFISH, BUT I COULDN'T HELP IT.

#461

⇓

IT WAS OUR LAST HURRAH.

#462

⇓

TURK, YOU KNOW CARLA LIKES IT

#463

⇓

TURK, YOU KNOW CARLA LIKES IT

#464

⇓

WHEN YOU SPEAK FROM YOUR HEART.

#465

⇓

IMPROV THAT, DOG!

#466

⇓

IMPROV THAT, DOG!

#467

⇓

STAY HERE AND DRINK...

#468

⇓

FOR CARLA.

#469

⇓

FOR CARLA.

#470

⇓

WELL, SINCE WE'RE DOING IT FOR CARLA...

#471

⇓

FOR CARLA!

#472

⇓

LET'S DO THIS!

#473

⇓

(CHEERING)

#474

⇓

(CHEERING)

#475

⇓

J.D.: MY BARBER ONCE TOLD ME

#476

⇓

IT'S IMPORTANT TO FINISH WHAT YOU'VE STARTED.

#477

⇓

OF COURSE, SOMETIMES WHAT YOU'VE STARTED

#478

⇓

WAS CLEARLY THE WORST IDEA IN THE WORLD.

#479

⇓

WAS CLEARLY THE WORST IDEA IN THE WORLD.

#480

⇓

WASN'T THIS KIND OF FUN?

#481

⇓

WASN'T THIS KIND OF FUN?

#482

⇓

IT STOPPED.

#483

⇓

IT STOPPED.

#484

⇓

OTHER TIMES IT'S A LOT HARDER THAN YOU THOUGHT.

#485

⇓

DAMN IT, YOUNG LADY, LET ME IN!

#486

⇓

DAMN IT, YOUNG LADY, LET ME IN!

#487

⇓

THIS IS MY HOSPITAL!

#488

⇓

THIS IS MY HOSPITAL!

#489

⇓

HEY, BOB,

#490

⇓

WHAT'S SHAKING IN PATIENTVILLE?

#491

⇓

OH, JUST TRYING TO KEEP MYSELF

#492

⇓

OH, JUST TRYING TO KEEP MYSELF

#493

⇓

FROM SPENDING ALL DAY IN THERE WITH HER.

#494

⇓

SUCH A DOLL.

#495

⇓

SUCH A DOLL.

#496

⇓

OH, YOU BOB.

#497

⇓

OH, YOU BOB.

#498

⇓

STILL, EVEN IF YOU END UP WITH A HANGOVER THAT WOULD SLAY A WALRUS

#499

⇓

IT'S ALL WORTH IT, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KNOW

#500

⇓

IT'S ALL WORTH IT, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KNOW

#501

⇓

THAT AT THIS VERY MOMENT, YOUR BEST FRIEND IS AT BRUNCH,

#502

⇓

SAVING HIS MARRIAGE.

#503

⇓

SAVING HIS MARRIAGE.

#504

⇓

WHAT TIME IS IT?

#505

⇓

OR HE MISSED IT.

#506

⇓

OR HE MISSED IT.

#507

⇓

J.D.: THIS WAS MY FAULT, SO I WAS DETERMINED TO FIX IT.

#508

⇓

STILL, I NEEDED ELLIOT'S HELP,

#509

⇓

STILL, I NEEDED ELLIOT'S HELP,

#510

⇓

SO I DECIDED TO BREAK THE ICE FIRST.

#511

⇓

HEY, ELLIOT, DO ME A FAVOR.

#512

⇓

HEY, ELLIOT, DO ME A FAVOR.

#513

⇓

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SAY "HOOCH"?

#514

⇓

OH, MY GOD, WHAT? I'M A LITTLE BUSY.

#515

⇓

OH, MY GOD, WHAT? I'M A LITTLE BUSY.

#516

⇓

UH, I'M SORRY. I'M NOT REALLY SURE

#517

⇓

WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

#518

⇓

WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

#519

⇓

WELL, OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT.

#520

⇓

BECAUSE IN YOUR HEAD,

#521

⇓

IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, ISN'T IT?

#522

⇓

IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, ISN'T IT?

#523

⇓

WELL, NO MORE.

#524

⇓

SAY "HOOCH" AGAIN,

#525

⇓

IT WILL BE THE LAST THING YOU EVER SAY.

#526

⇓

IT WILL BE THE LAST THING YOU EVER SAY.

#527

⇓

HA HA!

#528

⇓

HE WAS MAD, WASN'T HE?

#529

⇓

HE WAS MAD, WASN'T HE?

#530

⇓

OH, HOOCH IS CRAZY.

#531

⇓

OH, HOOCH IS CRAZY.

#532

⇓

LISTEN, TELL CARLA IT'S MY FAULT

#533

⇓

BECAUSE I KEPT TURK OUT ALL NIGHT

#534

⇓

AND HE OVERSLEPT.

#535

⇓

AND HE OVERSLEPT.

#536

⇓

IT WAS J.D.'S FAULT.

#537

⇓

HOW COME TURK HASN'T CALLED ME?

#538

⇓

WHY HASN'T TURK CALLED HER?

#539

⇓

WHY HASN'T TURK CALLED HER?

#540

⇓

I WANTED TO FIX IT.

#541

⇓

HE WANTED TO FIX IT.

#542

⇓

ASK BETTY WHY HE'S SUCH A GIRLY GIRL.

#543

⇓

ASK BETTY WHY HE'S SUCH A GIRLY GIRL.

#544

⇓

NOT NOW.

#545

⇓

DO IT NOW, DO IT NOW. CALL HER BETTY.

#546

⇓

DO IT NOW, DO IT NOW. CALL HER BETTY.

#547

⇓

YOU'RE INSANE.

#548

⇓

BETTY, BETTY, BETTY, BETTY, BETTY, BETTY.

#549

⇓

(WHISTLES)

#550

⇓

(WHISTLES)

#551

⇓

BETTY? YEAH?

#552

⇓

OH, MY GOD, IT WORKED!

#553

⇓

OH, MY GOD, IT WORKED!

#554

⇓

ASK J.D. WHEN TURK WANTS TO GET TOGETHER.

#555

⇓

WHEN DOES TURK WANT TO GET TOGETHER?

#556

⇓

HE--OH, LOOK, I'M SO SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

#557

⇓

HE--OH, LOOK, I'M SO SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

#558

⇓

BUT I ALREADY EXPLAINED TO CARLA

#559

⇓

HOW YOU OVERSLEPT.

#560

⇓

NOW SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHEN YOU WANT TO MEET UP.

#561

⇓

NOW SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHEN YOU WANT TO MEET UP.

#562

⇓

I DIDN'T OVERSLEEP.

#563

⇓

I...DECIDED NOT TO GO.

#564

⇓

I...DECIDED NOT TO GO.

#565

⇓

UHH! UHH!

#566

⇓

UHH! UHH!

#567

⇓

UHH!

#568

⇓

I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE JAMMED THIS.

#569

⇓

I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE JAMMED THIS.

#570

⇓

CAN YOU OPEN THAT DOOR?

#571

⇓

(THINKING) OK, YOU MADE IT UP HERE

#572

⇓

(THINKING) OK, YOU MADE IT UP HERE

#573

⇓

WITHOUT PASSING OUT OR VOMITING.

#574

⇓

NOW JUST CALMLY AND ELOQUENTLY EXPLAIN

#575

⇓

THAT YOU CAN'T OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW,

#576

⇓

THAT YOU CAN'T OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW,

#577

⇓

AND HE'LL BE ON HIS WAY.

#578

⇓

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

#579

⇓

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

#580

⇓

ARE YOU MOCKING ME?

#581

⇓

JUST GIVE ME THIS DAMN SCREWDRIVER.

#582

⇓

JUST GIVE ME THIS DAMN SCREWDRIVER.

#583

⇓

HELLO, YOUNG LADY.

#584

⇓

I WENT AHEAD AND SET UP AN APPOINTMENT FOR YOU

#585

⇓

I WENT AHEAD AND SET UP AN APPOINTMENT FOR YOU

#586

⇓

WITH OUR NUTRITIONIST.

#587

⇓

SHE'S GOING TO HELP YOU CREATE A DIET AND EXERCISE PLAN

#588

⇓

SO I NEVER HAVE TO SEE YOU IN HERE AGAIN.

#589

⇓

SO I NEVER HAVE TO SEE YOU IN HERE AGAIN.

#590

⇓

YEAH, I'M HAVING A GASTRIC BYPASS.

#591

⇓

YEAH, I'M HAVING A GASTRIC BYPASS.

#592

⇓

BUT, MS. GOLDMAN, YOU'RE ONLY 25,

#593

⇓

AND CONSIDERING THAT ANY SERIOUS SURGERY

#594

⇓

AND CONSIDERING THAT ANY SERIOUS SURGERY

#595

⇓

HAS INHERENT RISKS,

#596

⇓

I REALLY DON'T--

#597

⇓

I REALLY DON'T--

#598

⇓

HOW ARE YOU NOT GETTING THIS?

#599

⇓

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.

#600

⇓

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.

#601

⇓

CARLA, I AM SO SORRY

#602

⇓

CARLA, I AM SO SORRY

#603

⇓

ABOUT THOSE MESSAGES FROM YOUR MOTHER,

#604

⇓

BUT I'M GOING TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

#605

⇓

BUT I'M GOING TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

#606

⇓

IT'S OK, ELLIOT.

#607

⇓

IT WAS REALLY NICE HEARING MY MOM'S VOICE AGAIN.

#608

⇓

IT WAS REALLY NICE HEARING MY MOM'S VOICE AGAIN.

#609

⇓

I JUST--I WISH I COULD TALK TO HER

#610

⇓

ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING ON.

#611

⇓

ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING ON.

#612

⇓

OHH. YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY NOT COMFORTABLE

#613

⇓

WITH THIS KIND OF STUFF.

#614

⇓

WITH THIS KIND OF STUFF.

#615

⇓

CARLA, YOU CAN TOTALLY TALK TO PEOPLE ONCE THEY'RE GONE.

#616

⇓

I USED TO TALK TO OUR MAID CONSUELA ALL THE TIME.

#617

⇓

I USED TO TALK TO OUR MAID CONSUELA ALL THE TIME.

#618

⇓

WHEN DID SHE DIE?

#619

⇓

WHEN I WAS 11.

#620

⇓

WHEN I WAS 11.

#621

⇓

AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT MY DAD TOLD ME.

#622

⇓

I MEAN, I FOUND OUT AFTER COLLEGE THAT HE ACTUALLY HAD HER DEPORTED

#623

⇓

I MEAN, I FOUND OUT AFTER COLLEGE THAT HE ACTUALLY HAD HER DEPORTED

#624

⇓

FOR PUTTING KNIVES IN THE FORK DRAWER.

#625

⇓

YOU KNOW, ELLIOT, YOU'RE A LOT MORE NORMAL

#626

⇓

YOU KNOW, ELLIOT, YOU'RE A LOT MORE NORMAL

#627

⇓

THAN YOU SHOULD BE.

#628

⇓

WELL, YOU DO WHAT YOU CAN WITH WHAT YOU GOT.

#629

⇓

WELL, YOU DO WHAT YOU CAN WITH WHAT YOU GOT.

#630

⇓

(THUD)

#631

⇓

HOLY FRICK!

#632

⇓

HOLY FRICK!

#633

⇓

FIRST MY PARENTS GET DIVORCED,

#634

⇓

FIRST MY PARENTS GET DIVORCED,

#635

⇓

NOW YOU AND CARLA ARE ALL MESSED UP.

#636

⇓

WHAT'S THE COMMON DENOMINATOR? J.D.

#637

⇓

I SHOULD GET BUSINESS CARDS THAT SAY "LOVE DESTROYER."

#638

⇓

I SHOULD GET BUSINESS CARDS THAT SAY "LOVE DESTROYER."

#639

⇓

DUDE, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

#640

⇓

DON'T GET ME WRONG, HANGING WITH YOU

#641

⇓

DON'T GET ME WRONG, HANGING WITH YOU

#642

⇓

THESE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS HAS BEEN NICE.

#643

⇓

NICE? IT WAS INTOXICATING.

#644

⇓

YOU WERE HANGING WITH THE J. DIZZLE.

#645

⇓

YOU WERE HANGING WITH THE J. DIZZLE.

#646

⇓

I'M SURE IT FELT LIKE SOME SORT OF CRAZY DREAM.

#647

⇓

I KNOW, 'CAUSE WITH THE J. DIZZLE,

#648

⇓

I KNOW, 'CAUSE WITH THE J. DIZZLE,

#649

⇓

EVERYTHING'S HASSLE-FREE.

#650

⇓

YEAH, LIKE SOME SORT OF CRAZY, HASSLE-FREE DREAM.

#651

⇓

OK, STOP, STOP.

#652

⇓

OK, STOP, STOP.

#653

⇓

MAYBE THAT'S WHY I SKIPPED THE BRUNCH.

#654

⇓

I JUST CAN'T HELP THINKING

#655

⇓

I JUST CAN'T HELP THINKING

#656

⇓

MARRIAGE SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD.

#657

⇓

SO YOU'RE MY GASTRIC BYPASS.

#658

⇓

SO YOU'RE MY GASTRIC BYPASS.

#659

⇓

YOU GOT ANY QUESTIONS?

#660

⇓

NOPE. SEE YOU IN THE O.R. TOMORROW.

#661

⇓

I'LL BE THE ONE WITH THE MASK ON.

#662

⇓

I'LL BE THE ONE WITH THE MASK ON.

#663

⇓

THAT'S HOW EASY MARRIAGE SHOULD BE.

#664

⇓

THAT'S HOW EASY MARRIAGE SHOULD BE.

#665

⇓

I WON'T BE THERE, BUT I'M SURE

#666

⇓

IT WILL BE NICE OPERATING ON YOU.

#667

⇓

IT WILL BE NICE OPERATING ON YOU.

#668

⇓

WHAT IS IT, BOB?

#669

⇓

WHEN THE HELL DID PATIENTS STOP RESPECTING US?

#670

⇓

WHEN THE HELL DID PATIENTS STOP RESPECTING US?

#671

⇓

I REALLY TRIED TO HELP THAT YOUNG WOMAN,

#672

⇓

I REALLY TRIED TO HELP THAT YOUNG WOMAN,

#673

⇓

AND SHE ROLLED OVER ME LIKE ENID'S WHEELCHAIR

#674

⇓

OVER BAXTER'S TAIL.

#675

⇓

HUH?

#676

⇓

ENID WAS RECENTLY PARALYZED.

#677

⇓

I HAVEN'T TOLD ANYONE.

#678

⇓

HMM.

#679

⇓

HMM.

#680

⇓

ANYWAY, I COULDN'T HANDLE THE PATIENTS,

#681

⇓

ANYWAY, I COULDN'T HANDLE THE PATIENTS,

#682

⇓

SO GO AHEAD, TAKE YOUR SHOTS.

#683

⇓

I WANT TO, BOB, I REALLY DO.

#684

⇓

I WANT TO, BOB, I REALLY DO.

#685

⇓

BUT MY FIRST PATIENT TODAY

#686

⇓

BUT MY FIRST PATIENT TODAY

#687

⇓

WAS A SNOT-NOSED LITTLE PUNK

#688

⇓

WHO WOULDN'T LET ME GIVE HIM A RECTAL EXAM

#689

⇓

WHO WOULDN'T LET ME GIVE HIM A RECTAL EXAM

#690

⇓

UNLESS I SAID "PRETTY PLEASE" FIRST,

#691

⇓

AND I'M JUST NOT BIG ON BEGGING STRANGERS

#692

⇓

AND I'M JUST NOT BIG ON BEGGING STRANGERS

#693

⇓

TO STICK MY HAND UP THEIR BUTT...

#694

⇓

TO STICK MY HAND UP THEIR BUTT...

#695

⇓

NOT EVEN IN MY PRIVATE TIME.

#696

⇓

REMEMBER WHEN BEING A DOCTOR

#697

⇓

REMEMBER WHEN BEING A DOCTOR

#698

⇓

MEANT THAT PEOPLE WOULD LOOK UP TO YOU?

#699

⇓

YEAH.

#700

⇓

YEAH.

#701

⇓

WHEN I FIRST STARTED OUT,

#702

⇓

I COULD TAKE THIS OLD WHITE COAT OUT,

#703

⇓

I COULD TAKE THIS OLD WHITE COAT OUT,

#704

⇓

GET A FREE HAIRCUT

#705

⇓

OR A NICE TABLE AT A RESTAURANT.

#706

⇓

OR A NICE TABLE AT A RESTAURANT.

#707

⇓

HELL, I NEVER ONCE GOT A SPEEDING TICKET.

#708

⇓

PEOPLE USED TO GIVE ME CARDS AND GIFTS

#709

⇓

PEOPLE USED TO GIVE ME CARDS AND GIFTS

#710

⇓

AND SOMETIMES EVEN A PIE

#711

⇓

JUST FOR DOING MY JOB.

#712

⇓

JUST FOR DOING MY JOB.

#713

⇓

EVERY MOTHER WANTED ME TO MARRY THEIR DAUGHTER

#714

⇓

EVERY MOTHER WANTED ME TO MARRY THEIR DAUGHTER

#715

⇓

BECAUSE I WAS A DOCTOR,

#716

⇓

AND I USED THAT TO SLEEP WITH ALL THOSE MOTHERS

#717

⇓

AND I USED THAT TO SLEEP WITH ALL THOSE MOTHERS

#718

⇓

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT A HOUSE CALL USED TO MEAN.

#719

⇓

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT A HOUSE CALL USED TO MEAN.

#720

⇓

THOSE WERE THE GOOD OL' INCREDIBLY DISTURBING DAYS, BOB.

#721

⇓

THOSE WERE THE GOOD OL' INCREDIBLY DISTURBING DAYS, BOB.

#722

⇓

TODAY, PEOPLE THINK OF US AS DRUG-DISPENSING WALKING LAWSUITS

#723

⇓

TODAY, PEOPLE THINK OF US AS DRUG-DISPENSING WALKING LAWSUITS

#724

⇓

WHO ARE IN FACT LESS INFORMED

#725

⇓

THAN THEIR INTERNET PHONES.

#726

⇓

THAN THEIR INTERNET PHONES.

#727

⇓

SO THAT'S WHAT THAT DAMN THING WAS.

#728

⇓

I WILL TELL YOU ONE THING, THOUGH.

#729

⇓

I WILL TELL YOU ONE THING, THOUGH.

#730

⇓

IF YOU EVEN WANT TO HAVE AN OUTSIDE CHANCE

#731

⇓

IF YOU EVEN WANT TO HAVE AN OUTSIDE CHANCE

#732

⇓

OF REACHING SOMEONE NOWADAYS,

#733

⇓

YOU DAMN SURE BETTER SPEAK FROM YOUR HEART.

#734

⇓

YOU DAMN SURE BETTER SPEAK FROM YOUR HEART.

#735

⇓

THANK YOU, PERRY.

#736

⇓

BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS, BOB.

#737

⇓

ELLIOT.

#738

⇓

ELLIOT.

#739

⇓

YEAH?

#740

⇓

I SPOKE TO THE GROUNDSKEEPER.

#741

⇓

HE'LL COME OVER AS SOON AS HE FINISHES

#742

⇓

HE'LL COME OVER AS SOON AS HE FINISHES

#743

⇓

BURYING PAUL NEWMAN.

#744

⇓

DIFFERENT PAUL NEWMAN. I ASKED.

#745

⇓

DIFFERENT PAUL NEWMAN. I ASKED.

#746

⇓

I'LL JUST WAIT HERE WITH YOU.

#747

⇓

OH, CARLA, GO.

#748

⇓

OH, CARLA, GO.

#749

⇓

I'M FINE DOWN HERE

#750

⇓

IN THIS GIANT, FRESH, EMPTY GRAVE.

#751

⇓

IN THIS GIANT, FRESH, EMPTY GRAVE.

#752

⇓

J.D.: I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO TURK NEXT,

#753

⇓

AND THEN IT HAPPENED.

#754

⇓

AND THEN IT HAPPENED.

#755

⇓

SIR, THE DOOR WAS OPEN.

#756

⇓

I KNOW. I JUST LOVE DOING THAT.

#757

⇓

I KNOW. I JUST LOVE DOING THAT.

#758

⇓

AHH, WHAT NOW, GRANDPA?

#759

⇓

YOU ARE GONNA SHUT YOUR DAMN YAPPER

#760

⇓

YOU ARE GONNA SHUT YOUR DAMN YAPPER

#761

⇓

AND LISTEN FOR A CHANGE

#762

⇓

BECAUSE I GOT YOU PEGGED, SWEETHEART.

#763

⇓

BECAUSE I GOT YOU PEGGED, SWEETHEART.

#764

⇓

YOU WANT TO TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT WITH THIS SURGERY

#765

⇓

YOU WANT TO TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT WITH THIS SURGERY

#766

⇓

BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARED,

#767

⇓

AND YOU'RE SCARED BECAUSE IF YOU TRY AND FAIL,

#768

⇓

THERE'S ONLY YOU TO BLAME.

#769

⇓

THERE'S ONLY YOU TO BLAME.

#770

⇓

WELL, MISSY, LET ME BREAK THIS DOWN FOR YOU BOBBO-STYLE.

#771

⇓

WELL, MISSY, LET ME BREAK THIS DOWN FOR YOU BOBBO-STYLE.

#772

⇓

LIFE IS SCARY.

#773

⇓

GET USED TO IT.

#774

⇓

GET USED TO IT.

#775

⇓

J.D.: AND THEN IT SEEMED LIKE DR. KELSO

#776

⇓

WASN'T ONLY TALKING TO HER.

#777

⇓

WASN'T ONLY TALKING TO HER.

#778

⇓

THERE ARE NO MAGICAL FIXES.

#779

⇓

IT'S ALL UP TO YOU.

#780

⇓

SO GET UP OFF YOUR KEISTER,

#781

⇓

SO GET UP OFF YOUR KEISTER,

#782

⇓

GET OUT OF HERE, AND GO START DOING THE WORK.

#783

⇓

WHAT IF IT'S TOO HARD?

#784

⇓

WHAT IF IT'S TOO HARD?

#785

⇓

YEAH, WHAT IF IT'S TOO HARD?

#786

⇓

TURKELTON, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU'RE CHIMING IN,

#787

⇓

TURKELTON, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU'RE CHIMING IN,

#788

⇓

BUT I'LL SAY THIS TO BOTH OF YOU.

#789

⇓

NOTHING IN THIS WORLD THAT'S WORTH HAVING

#790

⇓

NOTHING IN THIS WORLD THAT'S WORTH HAVING

#791

⇓

COMES EASY.

#792

⇓

I GOTTA GO.

#793

⇓

OK, HERE IT GOES.

#794

⇓

OK, HERE IT GOES.

#795

⇓

OH, THIS IS SO WEIRD.

#796

⇓

I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

#797

⇓

I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

#798

⇓

SORRY I HAVEN'T VISITED MUCH. I'VE BEEN KIND OF BUSY.

#799

⇓

SORRY I HAVEN'T VISITED MUCH. I'VE BEEN KIND OF BUSY.

#800

⇓

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

#801

⇓

WHY AM I LYING TO A SLAB OF GRANITE?

#802

⇓

WHY AM I LYING TO A SLAB OF GRANITE?

#803

⇓

I JUST KNOW I REALLY COULD'VE USED YOU AROUND THIS WEEK.

#804

⇓

I JUST KNOW I REALLY COULD'VE USED YOU AROUND THIS WEEK.

#805

⇓

I MISS YOU.

#806

⇓

CAN YOU TELL HER I MISS HER, TOO?

#807

⇓

CAN YOU TELL HER I MISS HER, TOO?

#808

⇓

YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER MIND.

#809

⇓

YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER MIND.

#810

⇓

BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T BELIEVE YOU.

#811

⇓

HA HA HA!

#812

⇓

HA HA HA!

#813

⇓

J.D.: YOU CAN NEVER TRULY CAPTURE THE PAST.

#814

⇓

J.D.: YOU CAN NEVER TRULY CAPTURE THE PAST.

#815

⇓

THAT'LL BE $18.

#816

⇓

OH, I'M NOT PAYING. I'M A DOCTOR.

#817

⇓

OH, I'M NOT PAYING. I'M A DOCTOR.

#818

⇓

YEAH, WE DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

#819

⇓

YEAH, WE DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

#820

⇓

YOU'RE PAYING.

#821

⇓

J.D.: YOU STILL HAVE TO TRY, THOUGH,

#822

⇓

BECAUSE AS A RECENTLY INCARCERATED DOCTOR ONCE SAID,

#823

⇓

BECAUSE AS A RECENTLY INCARCERATED DOCTOR ONCE SAID,

#824

⇓

"NOTHING WORTH HAVING COMES EASY."

#825

⇓

SO YOU READY TO COME HOME?

#826

⇓

I'M TRYING TO GET THERE, TURK.

#827

⇓

I'M JUST NOT THERE YET.

#828

⇓

I'M JUST NOT THERE YET.

#829

⇓

ALL RIGHT. YOU TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED, OK?

#830

⇓

ALL RIGHT. YOU TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED, OK?

#831

⇓

WAIT.

#832

⇓

WOULD YOU MIND SITTING HERE WITH ME

#833

⇓

FOR A LITTLE LONGER?

#834

⇓

IS ANYBODY THERE?

#835

⇓

ANYBODY? HELLO?

#836

⇓

ANYBODY? HELLO?

#837

⇓

KEEP IT TOGETHER, ELLIOT.

#838

⇓

KEEP IT TOGETHER, ELLIOT.

#839

⇓

THINGS COULD BE WORSE.

#840

⇓

(THUNDER)

#841

⇓

(THUNDER)

#842

⇓

OH, GOD, I'M GONNA DIE IN A WATERY GRAVE.

#843

⇓

OH, GOD, I'M GONNA DIE IN A WATERY GRAVE.

#844

⇓