Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S07E08 — The ANTI-Social Network

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 7, Episode 8 — The ANTI-Social Network

I know, but I can't believe I never even noticed this place before.

#1

⇓

- I walk by it all the time. - How could you notice it?

#2

⇓

- There's no sign outside. - Yeah, what's up with that?

#3

⇓

No. No storm.

#5

⇓

I think the owners did it on purpose 'cause they think it's cool.

#6

⇓

- Yeah. - They blew on their sign

#7

⇓

until it came off 'cause they thought it was cool?

#8

⇓

- I mean, who does that? - No, no. Nobody blew anything.

#9

⇓

Facebook. That's why everybody's here.

#12

⇓

What the hell is this?

#13

⇓

- What? - Is this water?

#14

⇓

Gin? I hate gin!

#16

⇓

Get me a beer! Get me a beer!

#17

⇓

- Get me a beer! - Beer!

#18

⇓

It's a gin bar. It's all they have.

#19

⇓

- Are you kidding me? - What?

#20

⇓

You mean to tell me there's this many people in this joint,

#21

⇓

all they serve is gin?

#22

⇓

The only reason that people are here

#23

⇓

is because Facebook tells them to.

#24

⇓

This is the kind of shit we need at Paddy's.

#25

⇓

- Paddy's has no web presence. - You are absolutely right.

#26

⇓

The whole world is connected now. It's all connected by Bill Gates

#27

⇓

- and that rain man, Zuckerberg. - Hmm.

#28

⇓

He and his Jews have connected the whole world,

#29

⇓

and now they're toppling regimes.

#30

⇓

And Egypt and Japan and the Jews are all peaceful together...

#31

⇓

I understand the spirit of what you're saying.

#32

⇓

- Yeah. - Facebook is connecting everyone

#33

⇓

- Yeah. That's what I'm saying. - Hell, and look people are showing up

#35

⇓

to a bar that doesn't even have a sign, and serves only one

#36

⇓

old-timey disgusting drink that nobody likes.

#37

⇓

That's the thing.

#39

⇓

This place has got a good business model.

#40

⇓

- We have to emulate it. - That's right.

#41

⇓

We have to get rid of all the beer in Paddy's.

#42

⇓

You know, maybe I'll do the blowing. That's fine.

#44

⇓

Charlie, stop, stop, stop.

#45

⇓

- I didn't until Mac said it. - I never did.

#47

⇓

A grown man can't blow a sign off of a building.

#48

⇓

In his defense, you could loosen the screws,

#49

⇓

get up there and blow...

#50

⇓

We are talking about the Internet.

#51

⇓

Ugh! Ew.

#54

⇓

What the hell was that?

#55

⇓

Don't worry about it, okay? We gotta get on this.

#56

⇓

He's absolutely right. No distractions.

#57

⇓

Paddy's needs to get connected.

#58

⇓

Look at the gin bar's Facebook page. They have like 50,000 friends.

#59

⇓

- Crazy. - Links to Twitter viral videos.

#60

⇓

Their web presence is amazing.

#61

⇓

We could do a viral video for Paddy's.

#62

⇓

Well, we can't afford not to.

#63

⇓

That's right. We'll do a really cool video

#64

⇓

of how we serve gin in spaghetti cans or something.

#65

⇓

And we take the sign down.

#66

⇓

Frank, you're getting hung up on the wrong things.

#67

⇓

The old booze and the no sign have nothing to do with it.

#68

⇓

Yeah, what kind of a douche bag walks into a bar

#69

⇓

just 'cause it doesn't have a sign outside of it?

#70

⇓

That's stupid. Use your head.

#71

⇓

But that's the most important thing, exclusivity.

#72

⇓

Weird drinks, no sign. That's cool.

#73

⇓

Maybe, but I like Paddy's sign,

#74

⇓

- so it stays up. - Yeah.

#75

⇓

I got the sign down.

#76

⇓

And there's no way a man could have blown that off of our bar.

#77

⇓

There's just no way. You're totally wrong about that, Mac.

#78

⇓

- Yeah. - I never once said that.

#79

⇓

- You did not? - Okay, forget it. Forget it.

#80

⇓

We're doing a viral video thing now, okay?

#81

⇓

All right. Listen. Can I stop all this for one second?

#82

⇓

I don't mean to derail us, 'cause this is very, very important stuff,

#83

⇓

but, um, I'm getting a little hung up on something.

#84

⇓

The guy that shushed us last night... is that bugging anybody else?

#85

⇓

I've been thinking about that, too.

#86

⇓

- Have you been thinking about that? - I really have.

#87

⇓

What... You were in the middle of telling Charlie to keep quiet.

#88

⇓

Yeah, I was telling him to be quiet. I was telling him to be quiet.

#89

⇓

I tell everyone that.

#90

⇓

I don't shush them like they're animals. I use my words.

#91

⇓

Whatever. I'm gonna go get the video camera.

#92

⇓

- Yeah. - Yes. Guys, you're normally very excited

#93

⇓

about making videos, all right?

#94

⇓

Let's just focus. We have bigger fish to fry.

#95

⇓

Yeah, let it go.

#96

⇓

- I can't let it go. - I can't let it go either.

#97

⇓

- I won't let it go. - I'm irritated by it.

#98

⇓

I'm not gonna let it go.

#99

⇓

Yeah, but the viral video thing

#100

⇓

- is very important. - We'll get to that.

#101

⇓

Yeah. We'll pop a shush on the guy, and we'll be right back.

#102

⇓

- Let's... Yeah. - No.

#103

⇓

You could just find the guy on Facebook.

#104

⇓

That's where you find people these days.

#105

⇓

You're not gonna find the guy on Facebook.

#106

⇓

- There's three billion people on there. - Are you crazy?

#107

⇓

Yeah, you don't even know the guy's name.

#108

⇓

We don't know his name.

#109

⇓

Go on Facebook, magically find a guy.

#110

⇓

Facebook.

#111

⇓

Found him.

#112

⇓

- Really? - Yeah. He was friends with the gin bar.

#113

⇓

- Holy shit. Yeah, that's him. - That's him.

#114

⇓

- Facebook is amazing. - Right?

#115

⇓

- We are all connected. - Okay.

#116

⇓

- We're all connected. - Yeah, we're connected.

#117

⇓

So let's get back to business.

#118

⇓

- Uh, viral video. - Yeah, but now that I'm seeing his face...

#119

⇓

- Mmm-hmm. - I gotta be honest.

#120

⇓

It was very annoying last night when he did that.

#121

⇓

- It pissed me off. Right? - Yeah. Yeah.

#122

⇓

All right. Maybe we can just, you know, send him a friend request and then...

#123

⇓

See if he responds...

#124

⇓

And then we'll get back to what we were doing.

#125

⇓

- Okay, yeah. Distracted. - All right. Did he respond?

#126

⇓

- Not yet. - How long does it take?

#127

⇓

Oh, you know, it depends on if he's online or not.

#128

⇓

- Refresh. - Refresh.

#129

⇓

Here's the problem with Facebook and Twitter.

#131

⇓

You know, everyone says, "Oh, it's changing the world,

#132

⇓

but not in a good way," you know.

#133

⇓

We're not connected with each other anymore.

#134

⇓

And then these people who do that shit,

#136

⇓

they hear you having a real conversation with your real buddies, your real pals,

#137

⇓

and they get all jealous and pissed off, and they want to shush you.

#138

⇓

Yeah, right. And you know what else is bugging me about this guy?

#139

⇓

I cannot get past the fact that we're perfect strangers.

#140

⇓

He doesn't know me. I mean, for all this guy knows,

#141

⇓

He shushes me 'cause he doesn't like the volume of my conversation,

#143

⇓

next thing he knows he's chopped to bits in a basement somewhere, you know.

#144

⇓

- Was that worth it? - No.

#145

⇓

I mean... And I could be a man with a fist full of hammers...

#146

⇓

- Right. - And a trunk full of duct tape

#147

⇓

and zip ties.

#148

⇓

You know, this guy doesn't know me. Is he crazy?

#149

⇓

Right. It's very upsetting to me that he didn't consider any of that.

#150

⇓

Yeah, well, this is not a considerate man, Charlie. This is a rude man,

#151

⇓

and they are very seldom the same people.

#152

⇓

Yeah...

#153

⇓

- Uh, sir. - Oh. Yeah.

#154

⇓

Can we get you for a second? We've got a...

#155

⇓

What can I get you?

#156

⇓

Well, we're looking for a man.

#157

⇓

Um, yeah. This guy was a real douche bag.

#158

⇓

- He was in here the other night. - Yeah, douchey looking.

#159

⇓

- Kind of douchey. - Yeah.

#160

⇓

I wish I had a picture of the guy, but we don't.

#161

⇓

- Oh, he's a shusher. - Oh, yes. Right.

#162

⇓

This is a douche bag who goes around shushing people

#163

⇓

that he doesn't even know.

#164

⇓

Yeah, people who could have chain saws.

#165

⇓

Or hammers. I mean, is any of this ringing a bell to you?

#166

⇓

No. Sorry, but I don't really see what the big deal is.

#167

⇓

- The big deal. - You don't even see what the big deal is?

#168

⇓

The big deal, sir, is that a grown man shushed me and my friend here.

#169

⇓

We demand satisfaction from this person.

#170

⇓

We gotta find this guy because we have important shit

#171

⇓

that we're trying to do on the Internet, or whatever.

#172

⇓

We have much bigger things going on. The sign is down, okay?

#173

⇓

- The sign is down. - He took it down.

#174

⇓

It's never been down. You see what I'm saying?

#175

⇓

- No. - I'm getting frustrated.

#176

⇓

I'm also very frustrated. Look. How would you like to be shushed?

#177

⇓

- Yeah. - I don't think I'd care.

#178

⇓

Shh! How'd that feel?

#179

⇓

I mean, I was finished speaking.

#180

⇓

Well, shh to you!

#181

⇓

- Again, I was done, so... - You're speaking too fast.

#182

⇓

Well, stop speaking in such short sentences.

#183

⇓

Then we can shush you in the middle and you'll know how it feels.

#184

⇓

Okay, do you guys want a drink, or what?

#185

⇓

- Yeah. - We want drinks.

#186

⇓

- Absolutely. - Okay, so two house specials?

#187

⇓

Shh!

#188

⇓

- Specials. Yeah. - Yeah, two house specials.

#189

⇓

- Got interrupted. How'd that feel? - On your way.

#190

⇓

I think you got him with that one though.

#191

⇓

Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't exactly feel good about it.

#192

⇓

- No. - But he had to know how it feels.

#193

⇓

- Yeah, but you nailed him. - Thanks, man.

#194

⇓

Hey, you know,

#195

⇓

I think I know how we can get a picture of this shush-er guy.

#196

⇓

What you thinking?

#197

⇓

Refresh.

#198

⇓

Goddamn it. Why won't this guy be our friend?

#199

⇓

It's like an online shush. You know, I...

#200

⇓

Paddy's Pub has over 30 friends at this point.

#201

⇓

Why will this guy not accept our friend request?

#202

⇓

- He's too good for us? - Don't complain.

#203

⇓

- Just hit refresh again. - You son of a bitch!

#204

⇓

Refresh.

#205

⇓

Ha! I got the video camera!

#206

⇓

All right. Mac, say "I got infected."

#207

⇓

- What? - Say it!

#208

⇓

I got infected. Get that away from me.

#209

⇓

Deandra, okay, now here you go.

#210

⇓

- Say "I got the bug." - No, I'm busy, Frank.

#211

⇓

- Say "bug." - Bug!

#212

⇓

What are you doing?

#213

⇓

I'm shooting the virus thing.

#214

⇓

What virus thing?

#215

⇓

The virus thing that you guys said we were gonna infect

#216

⇓

all our friends on Facebook or whatever.

#217

⇓

- Oh! We got him! - We got him?

#218

⇓

We got you, Dylan Toback! You giant douche!

#219

⇓

Are you guys gonna help me do the virus thing, or what?

#220

⇓

We're busy right now,.

#221

⇓

Yeah, we're doing the shushing thing first, Frank.

#222

⇓

But you said the virus video was the most important thing.

#223

⇓

No, no. We said the viral video is very important,

#224

⇓

and it is very important, but we're on to this now.

#225

⇓

You know, we'll do it later.

#226

⇓

Why don't you get it started and then

#227

⇓

we'll come and fix what you did, okay?

#228

⇓

- All right, but hurry up. - Oh, check out these updates.

#229

⇓

"I am a man-whore. I hate women. I am a liar."

#230

⇓

He admits that he is a liar. Son of a bitch!

#231

⇓

Uh, looks like he is shopping for a silk sash at Tootie's,

#232

⇓

on South Street.

#233

⇓

A silk sash at Tootie's?

#234

⇓

- What an asshole. - Hmm.

#235

⇓

- Okay. Daddy got a new plan. - Mmm-hmm.

#236

⇓

Daddy got a new plan. Let's head down to Tootie's,

#237

⇓

and we'll fire a shush right in his face.

#238

⇓

We'll shush him real quick.

#239

⇓

But we won't tell Dennis and Charlie, 'cause they mocked us.

#240

⇓

Eventually we'll tell them though, right?

#241

⇓

We won't tell them right now, but we'll come back,

#242

⇓

- and we'll jam it in their faces. - Face!

#243

⇓

Yeah, once we shush him. Okay, let's go.

#244

⇓

- Okay. - Great idea. Great idea!

#245

⇓

I want to make sure you got the nose right though.

#246

⇓

That's the most important part to me, because it was an annoying nose.

#247

⇓

It was a nose that you wanted to smack.

#248

⇓

And then give him almond eyes if you...

#249

⇓

You've already said that. And don't compliment the man.

#250

⇓

It's not a compliment from me,

#251

⇓

'cause I don't like people with almond eyes. I find it creepy.

#252

⇓

All right. Can we just take a look at the drawing?

#253

⇓

Because we kinda need to get out of here.

#254

⇓

You've done an excellent job.

#255

⇓

Really good. Wow!

#256

⇓

And what is your technique, sir? Because I want to learn that. That is...

#257

⇓

You know, the only thing that would I think help this

#258

⇓

- is if you had him do this gesture... - Oh, my God.

#259

⇓

...because when the man assaulted us...

#260

⇓

Mr. Reynolds, Mr. Kelly, I'm Detective Larson.

#261

⇓

I'm gonna need to clear something up on your report here.

#262

⇓

- We're good, actually, 'cause we got... - It doesn't... Yeah, we're good.

#263

⇓

It says here this was filed as an assault,

#264

⇓

but the only thing that you're claiming was that this man shushed you?

#265

⇓

Yeah.

#266

⇓

- Yeah. - But it was an assault.

#267

⇓

Shushing somebody is not an assault.

#268

⇓

There was more to it...

#269

⇓

Yeah... It wasn't just shushing though.

#270

⇓

- Yeah... - And the reason it was an assault

#271

⇓

was because he was shushing our cries for help.

#272

⇓

Right. This guy was raping us...

#273

⇓

- Well... Wha... - He was raping you?

#274

⇓

- Yeah. - Well, yeah.

#275

⇓

- Yeah. - The both of you?

#276

⇓

- No. You can't rape two guys. - No.

#277

⇓

No, no, no. I wouldn't even necessarily classify it...

#278

⇓

You know what happened was that he only raped my friend here.

#279

⇓

I actually shook him off in time.

#280

⇓

The guy never quite made it inside of me, but my friend here...

#281

⇓

- Yeah. - So he was only raping you?

#282

⇓

- Yeah. - Yep.

#283

⇓

Yeah. He, like, really, kinda made soup of your insides...

#284

⇓

No. No, no, no. He barely made it in there, so, trust me, I'm fine.

#285

⇓

- Yeah, but he bit his dick. - What?

#286

⇓

No, he did...

#287

⇓

He... He...

#288

⇓

The reason we were gonna file it as a rape

#289

⇓

was because he did make it inside me, but, like, just barely.

#290

⇓

And the guy was super-small, so I'm fine.

#291

⇓

And then I did get away.

#292

⇓

Well, don't write any of this down.

#293

⇓

Look. Can we just drop the case?

#294

⇓

- Yeah! - Right?

#295

⇓

- We don't need to... - We just need the drawing.

#296

⇓

I didn't even think about that,

#297

⇓

because if we have the drawing, we can find the guy.

#298

⇓

- We can dole out the justice... - And then this...

#299

⇓

and then this never needs to go in any files anywhere.

#300

⇓

If you and Mr. Reynolds are filing a false police report,

#301

⇓

there's no way in hell you're getting out of here with that drawing.

#302

⇓

All right, Charlie.

#303

⇓

I got another plan.

#304

⇓

- How's that? - That's perfect.

#305

⇓

That looks exactly like him.

#306

⇓

Yeah, I mean, he wasn't in a dune buggy,

#307

⇓

- and he didn't have... - No, he was not.

#308

⇓

- ...a propeller on his head. - I like the shushing though.

#309

⇓

You nailed the shushing!

#310

⇓

Tootie's. Tootie's. This is it.

#311

⇓

Ew!

#312

⇓

- Is that him? - That's him.

#313

⇓

- That is him. - Let's do this.

#314

⇓

Hey, Dylan Toback.

#315

⇓

- Shh! - Shh!

#316

⇓

Oh. Hey.

#317

⇓

- Sorry about that. - Hi, ma'am.

#318

⇓

We thought you were this guy, Dylan Toback.

#319

⇓

He shushed us, and...

#320

⇓

- We were gonna shush him back. Yeah. - Yeah.

#321

⇓

We didn't think you were a man, per se...

#322

⇓

- I did. - Okay, I did, too.

#323

⇓

- I did because of your hair. - Here's why.

#324

⇓

It's the hair, and it's the cardigan, and it's the build...

#325

⇓

- Yeah, and it's the way you stand. - But that's okay.

#326

⇓

- Broad shoulders. - That's okay.

#327

⇓

There's nothing you can do about that.

#328

⇓

Have a nice day. I'm still confused.

#329

⇓

I'm very confused. It's sort of a transgender situation.

#330

⇓

- Are you guys looking for Dylan Toback? - Yes.

#331

⇓

Do you know him?

#332

⇓

He posted on Facebook that he was here.

#333

⇓

Well, can you guys keep a secret?

#334

⇓

- No! - Ye... yes.

#335

⇓

- Yes, I can. Yes, yes. - Yes, yes.

#336

⇓

That wasn't him. It was me.

#337

⇓

I started a Facebook page to get back at him.

#338

⇓

I'm his ex-girlfriend, and he was the worst.

#339

⇓

He was always like, "Sally, send me money."

#340

⇓

"Sally, mail me hair."

#341

⇓

- Mail him hair? - Weird, right?

#342

⇓

Yeah. And then he posted a bunch of naked pics of me online,

#343

⇓

and that was the last straw.

#344

⇓

Oh, my God! That's disgusting.

#345

⇓

- I know. - Naked pics online? Where?

#346

⇓

- Where did he post those? - I don't know.

#347

⇓

One of those disgusting ex-girlfriend porno sites.

#348

⇓

Oh, those disgusting ex-girlfriend porno sites.

#349

⇓

There's so many of them though.

#350

⇓

Which one? Which one did he post it on?

#351

⇓

Do you know where we can find him?

#352

⇓

I can give you his address. I don't give a shit.

#353

⇓

- Really? - Great! Great!

#354

⇓

Also, put down one of the sites that was...

#355

⇓

Listen. Do you want to come with us and maybe get some payback?

#356

⇓

That's... Well...

#357

⇓

Here's the thing. He's never actually met me.

#358

⇓

Well, the pics I sent were a little more flattering than I actually am,

#359

⇓

and so we just sort of had this online relationship.

#360

⇓

- Mmm. Mmm-hmm. - But the hair I mailed was mine.

#361

⇓

- That was real. - You know what?

#362

⇓

This chick is douchier than Dylan.

#363

⇓

- Let's get out of here. - Yeah.

#364

⇓

You know, I'm not even gonna look for those nude photos.

#365

⇓

I might. I might, though. I might.

#366

⇓

Come on, man. This guy's been in here.

#367

⇓

He's got the annoying nose that you wanted to smack.

#368

⇓

Evil almond eyes.

#369

⇓

I'm sorry, guys.

#370

⇓

I've never seen a cartoon character in here shushing people before.

#371

⇓

- Well, he wasn't in a dune buggy. - Yeah.

#372

⇓

Look. Use your imagination.

#373

⇓

Yeah, he's not a cartoon character, okay?

#374

⇓

Would you just take this seriously?

#375

⇓

I don't see how I could take this seriously.

#376

⇓

He's not helping.

#377

⇓

- No. - He's not gonna be a help to us.

#378

⇓

You're just gonna be difficult, so go get us more gin drinks.

#379

⇓

- That's all you're good for. - Yeah. More of the gin.

#380

⇓

God. All right. Here's what I'm gonna do, Charlie.

#381

⇓

I'm gonna write "Rude man who shushes.

#382

⇓

Please call." at the top,

#383

⇓

and then, at the bottom, I'll put my phone number.

#384

⇓

- Right. - Right?

#385

⇓

And then we'll make a shitload of copies,

#386

⇓

we'll put them up all over town, and it'll act like a wanted poster.

#387

⇓

Okay, wait. You want the rude man to call you?

#388

⇓

No, I want people to call me about the rude man.

#389

⇓

But if the rude man calls me...

#390

⇓

...that works, too.

#391

⇓

- That works, too! All right. - That's gonna work.

#392

⇓

Now, hold on a second. You're cool just putting

#393

⇓

your personal information out there?

#394

⇓

Yeah! I'm absolutely cool with that, man, because I'm saying "Connect with me."

#395

⇓

- Right. - See? That's what we're talking about.

#396

⇓

People just don't connect these days.

#397

⇓

I'm saying, "Call me. Let's have a phone conversation."

#398

⇓

- Yeah, don't tweet. - Don't just tweet me. Don't shush me.

#399

⇓

You know, let's connect. Let's have a connection, you know.

#400

⇓

- Right. Don't be rude. - Let's talk about rude people.

#401

⇓

Let's talk about people who do rude things, you know.

#402

⇓

- Mmm-hmm. - I guarantee you,

#403

⇓

people will respect this.

#404

⇓

Okay, one little roadblock. No big deal.

#405

⇓

But let's shush this guy and get out of here,

#406

⇓

because it's starting to get complicated.

#407

⇓

Yeah. And what was happening back there?

#408

⇓

Sending nude pictures of yourself?

#409

⇓

- That's just stupid, and that's desperate. - Yeah, and hair?

#410

⇓

I mean, sending hair... Tthat's just demented.

#411

⇓

Well, the hair I don't really have a problem with.

#412

⇓

What are you talking about?

#413

⇓

- What is the point of that? - You send your hair to a guy,

#414

⇓

and you just give that guy a sense of you and your smells and...

#415

⇓

- Oh, oh! Shh! - Shh!

#416

⇓

Okay. Come on. Goddamn it!

#417

⇓

We're looking for Dylan Toback. Is he around?

#418

⇓

Oh, Lord.

#419

⇓

I knew this day would come. Um, come in.

#420

⇓

Okay, but, listen, we don't have a lot of time, okay?

#421

⇓

Um, a few months ago, my daughter, Jamela, bought me

#422

⇓

this brand-new computer, and she put it right here.

#423

⇓

Speed up, speed up!

#424

⇓

Okay. So, ever since Jerry got put on life support...

#425

⇓

- I have nothing but time... - Whoa! Slow down,

#426

⇓

slow down!

#427

⇓

Ew. I didn't see him there.

#428

⇓

I've had nothing but time on my hands.

#429

⇓

And I've been so lonely, you know.

#430

⇓

Okay, well, does any of this have anything to do with Dylan Toback?

#431

⇓

- Oh, why is she doing that? - Um...

#432

⇓

I am Dylan Toback.

#433

⇓

- No. No. No. - Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.

#434

⇓

- No, you're not. - Don't say that.

#435

⇓

We don't have time for that, okay?

#436

⇓

Is anybody online the person who they say that they are?

#437

⇓

Okay, do you know how to find the real Dylan Toback?

#438

⇓

Well, what I'm saying is he doesn't exist.

#439

⇓

I made up the name Dylan Toback.

#440

⇓

I've made up dozens of names. I'm really good at it.

#441

⇓

My real name is Catfish!

#442

⇓

- What the hell is happening here? - Here's what I gather.

#443

⇓

I think she went on the gin bar's web site,

#444

⇓

found a picture of that guy

#445

⇓

and then made up a whole name and personality for him.

#446

⇓

- So we don't know the guy's name. - No.

#447

⇓

We don't even know if he's on Facebook.

#448

⇓

- Nope. - How the hell are we gonna find him?

#449

⇓

- I don't know. - Well, how did you find me?

#450

⇓

Was it that Sally?

#451

⇓

Because that bitch been getting on my nerves.

#452

⇓

- So you know Sally? - Oh, well, Dylan knows Sally.

#453

⇓

No, he doesn't, 'cause Dylan isn't real! And you know what?

#454

⇓

Sally isn't Sally anymore. Sally is now Dylan.

#455

⇓

Yeah! And what about the nude photos?

#456

⇓

This is not about the nude photos, Mac.

#457

⇓

Shh!

#458

⇓

- Don't you shush me! - Don't you shush us, goddamn it!

#459

⇓

Don't disturb Jerry!

#460

⇓

Disturb Jerry? I'm disturbed! He should be disturbed!

#461

⇓

This whole thing is disturbing.

#462

⇓

And if you shush me one more time, I will put you in the ground.

#463

⇓

- Do you hear me? - You know what, Dee!

#464

⇓

We're losing focus. All right?

#465

⇓

Let's just get back to the bar. We'll find the nude photos there.

#466

⇓

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's focus on the... - Well, hold on.

#467

⇓

Don't you want your hair back?

#468

⇓

- Is that your hair, Dee? - Oh, come on.

#469

⇓

- You're Carl Lundegard? - Yeah.

#470

⇓

I mean, what is the problem?

#471

⇓

Are we not putting these in the right part of town?

#472

⇓

We put them in every part of town.

#473

⇓

I know. Ooh, ooh. Here we go.

#474

⇓

- Here we go. Okay. - Come on.

#475

⇓

Hello?

#476

⇓

I saw that guy you were looking for.

#477

⇓

- You did? Oh, that's great. - Yeah.

#478

⇓

Okay, can you tell us where exactly the...

#479

⇓

- Shh! - Uh, no. Oh, you do not!

#480

⇓

Oh! You...

#481

⇓

- He shushed me. - Another one?

#482

⇓

Yes, another shusher shushing me on the phone.

#483

⇓

All right. Maybe the poster is the problem because it says...

#484

⇓

- "Rude man who shushes, please call." - Right.

#485

⇓

So rude men are calling just to shush you.

#486

⇓

- To shush me. - This is prank calls.

#487

⇓

Am I gonna have to change my phone number?

#488

⇓

That's a pain in the ass.

#489

⇓

Yes. You never want to put your personal information out there in the world.

#490

⇓

- Yo! - It's like people abuse it.

#491

⇓

- You find the guy? - No!

#492

⇓

- He's unfindable. - We just hit a bunch of dead ends.

#493

⇓

- Right? The guy is a ghost. - I know!

#494

⇓

We tried to track him down on Facebook,

#495

⇓

but it got very strange.

#496

⇓

Like, it was just a bunch of girls pretending to be boys,

#497

⇓

and Dee banged a fat old black lady,

#498

⇓

- and then sent her hair. - That's not... All right.

#499

⇓

Hey! I did the video,

#500

⇓

and I sent it to all of Paddy's Facebook friends.

#501

⇓

- You did? - Yep.

#502

⇓

- Frank to the rescue. - Oh, ho! Frank saves the day.

#503

⇓

- All right. - Good work, Frank.

#504

⇓

- Nice. - Let's check out what you got here.

#505

⇓

FRANK Welcome to Paddy's Pub,

#506

⇓

the oldest pub in America.

#507

⇓

- Well, that's not true. - Right.

#508

⇓

No, I lied. Everybody lies on the Internet.

#509

⇓

He's right. Everybody out there is lying

#510

⇓

to get what they want. Why can't we?

#511

⇓

Totally.

#512

⇓

FRANK We have a variety of old liquors

#513

⇓

served in strange containers.

#514

⇓

We are packed with celebrities... the fun ones.

#515

⇓

FRANK We also have cockfights and strippers.

#516

⇓

And guess what...

#517

⇓

we don't have a sign, so good luck finding the place.

#518

⇓

But if you do, you'll be lucky...

#519

⇓

...'cause we also got donkey shows,

#520

⇓

Motley Crue and cake.

#521

⇓

- Awesome. Awesome. - Okay, okay.

#522

⇓

- Okay. - That's awesome.

#523

⇓

- That is awesome. - Frank! I gotta hand it to you.

#524

⇓

I think I would go to this bar.

#525

⇓

I would definitely go to that bar.

#526

⇓

This is the best part, coming up.

#527

⇓

So spread the word to all of your friends.

#528

⇓

At Paddy's Pub, you're guaranteed to catch a...

#529

⇓

Virus!

#530

⇓

Just ask this guy.

#531

⇓

I got infected. Get it away from me.

#532

⇓

- Or her. - No, I'm busy.

#533

⇓

She looks like she caught the...

#534

⇓

Bug!

#535

⇓

So spread this video to all of your friends,

#536

⇓

because it's a computer virus.

#537

⇓

Virus!

#538

⇓

Take it from me...

#539

⇓

I am a doctor.

#540

⇓

Dr. Toboggan.

#541

⇓

Mantis Toboggan.

#542

⇓

What?

#543

⇓

You sent that to all of our Facebook friends?

#544

⇓

Yeah!

#545

⇓

They're gonna think they have a computer virus, Frank.

#546

⇓

Wait. Well, you're the ones who said we needed the virus video.

#547

⇓

I said a viral video, Frank. Goddamn it.

#548

⇓

- Goddamn it! - Oh, my God.

#549

⇓

We never should've left him in charge.

#550

⇓

The problem is we got focused on the guy.

#551

⇓

We didn't help him with his...

#552

⇓

This whole thing is a total mess.

#553

⇓

I mean, absolutely nothing good has come of today.

#554

⇓

No, we wasted all of our time.

#555

⇓

Excuse me.

#556

⇓

This is a bar, right?

#557

⇓

We noticed you guys didn't have a sign out front.

#558

⇓

Thought that was pretty cool.

#559

⇓

You guys open?

#560

⇓

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

#561

⇓

Yes. We are.

#562

⇓

Charlie, lock the door.

#563

⇓

Come on in. Oh!

#564

⇓