It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 1, Episode 3 — Underage Drinking - A National Concern

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(chattering) (hip-hop music playing)
#1
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(man rapping)
#2
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I like what I'm seeing here!
#3
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- I like what you're doing now! - I like what you're doing!
#4
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- I like what you're doing! - I like what we're all doing!
#5
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I like this guy! (shouting)
#6
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- This is insane! - I know!
#7
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This is good! This is a good scene!
#8
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I've never seen so many beautiful people in my life!
#9
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Hey, check it out! Even Sweet Dee's getting lucky!
#10
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That dude's gonna bang your sister, bro.
#11
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- This is good, man. I feel good. - You look good, brother.
#12
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No, no, no, no. But I feel better than good. You know.
#13
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I feel like, um...
#14
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- I feel like dancing. - Whoa, it feels good, man!
#15
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You should. Get out there, buddy. Make it happen. Nice.
#16
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(rapping continues)
#17
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MAC: I love that little man.
#18
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This is great. What's going on? This is the greatest night
#19
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Paddy's has ever seen. - I know!
#20
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- Kind of a young crowd, right? - Yeah!
#21
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- Really, really young. - Mm-hmm.
#22
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What, do you think these kids are in college or what?
#23
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I don't know. Hey. You. How old are you?
#24
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Twenty-one?
#25
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(music stops) Everybody, out!
#26
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Yeah, but I don't understand how you guys could let this happen.
#27
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It was not my fault. I was working behind the bar.
#28
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Come on, Dennis. You remember what it was like in high school.
#29
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The minute that we caught word that a bar wasn't carding,
#30
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we would just pack the place the following weekend.
#31
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They probably had a recon crew come in last week.
#32
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- Oh, they definitely had... - Why? Why were we not carding?
#33
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- Not my job. - Not my job either.
#34
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It's all of our jobs. We could get into a lot of trouble for this.
#35
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And we have a social responsibility to keep teenagers from drinking.
#36
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(sighs) I guess.
#37
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I don't know about that, though.
#38
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- Oh, Mac! - Mac! Don't.
#39
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Hold on a second. Hear me out. Hear me out.
#40
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It wasn't that long ago that we were in the same position
#41
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as these youngsters, right?
#42
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I mean, we'd get kicked out of some bar, and what did we do, Den?
#43
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We would get a bunch of 40s from a homeless guy,
#44
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and we'd go sit in some park, right?
#45
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- That's true. It's absolutely true. - And what would happen?
#46
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We would almost get raped and/or murdered and/or stabbed
#47
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by crack heads in Fairmount Park.
#48
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You wanna know what else what would happen?
#49
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We drove Nikki Potnick's car into a tree on Kelly Drive.
#50
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With Sweet Dee in the backseat puking all over the headrest
#51
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because some guy talked to her that she liked, remember that?
#52
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Every time some guy talks to you that you like,
#53
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you get so nervous you drink yourself into oblivion.
#54
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- You drink yourself crazy. - You abused alcohol, that's okay.
#55
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But it's very dangerous, right? Right? Okay.
#56
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Well, maybe we should look at this whole thing from a different angle.
#57
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We have "a social responsibility" to provide a safe haven
#58
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for these kids to be kids.
#59
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You know, experiment.
#60
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No. I don't like where this is heading.
#61
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We would have to set up ground rules.
#62
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Okay. No drinking and driving.
#63
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No one's gonna crash Nikki Potnick's car. Everyone has to take a cab.
#64
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- Four drink maximum. That's it. - Yeah, yeah. That's it.
#65
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Anyone causing trouble can't come. If you're here, you gotta be cool.
#66
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- He's gone! He's gone! - Listen, we water down the drinks.
#67
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Jack up the prices, we could make a serious profit off these kids.
#68
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And they'd have no idea what the hell's going on.
#69
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We would actually be doing something good.
#70
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- Great. I say we do it. - Yeah.
#71
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I don't know how you guys live with yourselves.
#72
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- One day at a time. - One day at a time.
#73
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DEE: Yeah, I know, Mom. I heard you the first time.
#74
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I'm perfectly aware of what time it is. Thank you, Mom.
#75
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Do we have to do this right now?
#76
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I know how old I am. Did you think that I forgot maybe how old...
#77
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You know what, as a matter of fact, I have a date this afternoon
#78
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with my friend Steven.
#79
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So I should probably go, 'cause I gotta get ready for that.
#80
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Mm-hmm. All right. Yeah, you too. Bye.
#81
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(beeps) (frustrated grunt)
#82
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Hello, Steven.
#83
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(rings) Hello.
#84
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- Dee? - Yeah.
#85
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- This is Trey from last night. - Oh, hey, Trey.
#86
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You know what? I don't think I should be talking with you.
#87
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You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met in my entire life.
#88
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Really?
#89
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I can't believe someone as gorgeous as you can be so down to earth.
#90
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Well, I've always tried to keep both feet on the ground, so...
#91
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Yeah. So, listen, I have a lacrosse game, but I was wondering if you
#92
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wanted to meet me and my friends at Lemon Hill afterwards.
#93
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Lemon Hill? That's where all the cool kids used to go.
#94
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- Good. So you've been there. - Oh! Come on.
#95
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- I've been there, like, 200 times. - Why don't you stop by?
#96
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I mean, unless you got something better to do today.
#97
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(man rapping)
#98
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Wow. You can really put 'em back, can't you?
#99
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The trick is to just kind of open your throat.
#100
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You are so much cooler than all the other girls I know.
#101
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You are so sweet. Can you get me another one of these?
#102
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(rock music playing) MAN: Whoo!
#103
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- All right. There you go. - Look how much fun they're having.
#104
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Of course they are. They haven't realized how much life sucks yet.
#105
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Remember how great high school was?
#106
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All those parties, no responsibilities.
#107
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- High school was the best. - Do you even remember high school?
#108
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I don't think it happened the way you think.
#109
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- What do you mean? - What I mean, Mac,
#110
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s that the only reason you hang out with me and the other cool kids
#111
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s 'cause you sold us weed. We all thought you were an asshole.
#112
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- I was popular! - Yeah, Mac was very popular.
#113
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And I like to think I was pretty popular myself.
#114
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- You were. - No, he was.
#115
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You were popular like a clown is popular.
#116
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- What? - Yeah, you made us all laugh.
#117
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All the guys knew you couldn't sleep with their girlfriends.
#118
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Whatever. The only reason you got laid is 'cause you dated freshmen.
#119
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Yeah. You've always had that creepy thing with younger girls.
#120
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- I do not. - You're not in high school anymore.
#121
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So, you better keep it in the pants, 'cause it's kind of creepy.
#122
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You want to talk about creepy?
#123
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You guys sniffing glue in your mom's basement, Charlie. That's creepy.
#124
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Tim Murphy slept with your prom date.
#125
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MAC: Tim Murphy slept with your prom date!
#126
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Tim Murphy had sex with your prom date!
#127
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Oh, oh, no...
#128
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MAC: Oh. - He's getting sad now.
#129
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- No. There's watering in the eyes. - Now he's running away.
#130
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(mock crying) Oh, is he gonna cry?
#131
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(mock crying)
#132
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Did you see that? He was totally gonna cry.
#133
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- Oh, Trey, that is so sad. - It was a really bad breakup.
#134
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I mean, Tammy's great and all. I just wasn't feeling it.
#135
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Oh, yeah. Well, you gotta feel it.
#136
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Don't get me wrong. Tammy's the prettiest girl in school,
#137
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so it was a perfect match. It just wasn't working.
#138
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- Hmm. - She's not as pretty as you though.
#139
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(chuckles) Oh! Thank you.
#140
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Wait!
#141
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- I can't do this. - What?
#142
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I never statutory raped anyone before.
#143
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Oh.
#144
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Okay. I'll tell you what. Let's, uh, just take it slow.
#145
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(sighs) You are so sweet. Where were you when I was in high school?
#146
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I was eight.
#147
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Right. Yeah.
#148
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These kids are wasted, bro. I thought we were cuttin' 'em off.
#149
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I am cuttin' 'em off.
#150
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These kids haven't had more than three drinks each.
#151
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Plus, there's so much water, they're probably more hydrated
#152
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than they ever have been in their entire lives.
#153
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- Are they fakin' it? - I guess.
#154
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Just stay away from me, Billy!
#155
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No, Sara! I saw you flirting with him!
#156
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No, I know it. You were throwing yourself on him!
#157
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Hey, hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
#158
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Give me some eyes! Look at me! Cool your jets!
#159
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- I'm sorry. - All right, beat it!
#160
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Are you okay?
#161
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- He's such a player. - Is he a player? Big time.
#162
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I hate players. All right. I'm sorry. I'm getting fired up here.
#163
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Charlie, that was the coolest thing you've ever done!
#164
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I know. I'm gonna be sick.
#165
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(girls giggling)
#166
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Oh, shit.
#167
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You Dennis Reynolds?
#168
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- Yeah. - You like what you see?
#169
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- Uh, I don't know. (chuckles) - Dude, relax. I'm 18.
#170
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- Are you in high school? - Yes.
#171
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Then take a hike.
#172
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Doesn't seem to bother your sister.
#173
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What?
#174
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She was all over this one boy in my class today.
#175
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- Really? - Listen, dude, I'm legal,
#176
5b2bb7d0-a61e-4bb2-8c4e-a30365d96ef5.gif
and I love to party.
#177
dd1f7c75-81e5-4d9d-8fc0-67bc6aff274b.gif
So if you're looking for the ride of your life, give me a call.
#178
21a095d9-59db-4558-8cc4-3cae275afb6c.gif
(chuckles)
#179
fdbfa414-e3c4-4739-951d-cca038a72961.gif
Goddamn it.
#180
5b0078d1-1cfb-4fef-b8b6-c2419af91daa.gif
(knocking) DEE: Hang on. I'm coming!
#181
1be5ace1-beee-42cb-81eb-210bfde7e6c7.gif
- What the hell is wrong with you? - What?
#182
be910be6-21ce-497a-8d02-0138756ae8a5.gif
I know you were hanging out with that high school kid from the bar.
#183
6ac65295-5252-42b3-bcf1-d53c49e2ceab.gif
Okay. You know what? We're just friends, all right?
#184
d270ecc1-9cf8-424e-a5b5-68ec155eaa01.gif
He went through a really bad breakup,
#185
7f6c96a5-8266-4a6d-8684-f2aad99bff31.gif
and he just needed me to be there for him.
#186
9ae5fcf0-84d9-46f7-a420-5be513850030.gif
What you're doing is sick and wrong.
#187
1710789a-9711-4f30-819b-9688b1ced8e8.gif
What are you, living out some sad fantasy of yours?
#188
1d5bd17b-a439-43da-944d-4270903c7f5b.gif
Going out with the most popular kid in high school.
#189
e404d8f5-43b5-42e3-9beb-c47c4a0567be.gif
Why would that be a fantasy?
#190
b1adace7-1183-4af3-bbfe-5644d9baeac7.gif
I went out with tons of guys in high school.
#191
312fa249-c03a-431e-8d25-13d9113ea482.gif
You wore that scoliosis back brace until you were 20 years old.
#192
0243fb32-a6a7-4bf2-95be-cea322d4d345.gif
- Everyone was afraid of you. - No, they weren't.
#193
f94c026c-2768-47f1-adc1-b9b140ffcfbf.gif
You looked like a monster! Do you all have amnesia?
#194
c68fb56e-6f28-420f-a2c5-8b9e05e86f27.gif
- What is that supposed to mean? - Oh, my God.
#195
5e169043-7661-42f4-bd3f-55e72b333cf0.gif
You're as delusional as Mac and Charlie.
#196
83d24410-3ba5-4282-94da-36e7a97752cc.gif
Do not compare me to Mac and Charlie.
#197
be255342-8ff7-4d62-a1df-502aea9e93ba.gif
I'm telling you, this is the wrong kind of glue, Charlie.
#198
c373dc56-4610-45b6-9afd-e16ca407a22f.gif
No, it's not.
#199
ad0d0c1b-89ee-4461-85e5-25288f47aa90.gif
This is made for, like, kindergartners or something.
#200
c92a62a9-04ca-41f3-aaa7-2303796674da.gif
- No, this will work. - No, look. "Nontoxic and safe".
#201
7e365f83-fba5-47bf-b3a3-14fbd34e2812.gif
We don't want safe. We want toxic.
#202
9301fe2d-2166-4ae3-ad46-26479ecb265f.gif
- Something's happening. - Nothing is gonna happen.
#203
4e0e0caa-8f67-4cfc-a7f3-44b8b39d66ef.gif
- Something's happening. - Nothing's gonna happen.
#204
25526486-c9da-4bf4-9aa2-0ed4c1921f94.gif
No, you're right. This isn't working.
#205
d2e11165-92b5-41e1-91da-937c1ffbc7fb.gif
(phone rings)
#206
28bd0628-dac2-4675-a96e-3ea5f5d30960.gif
Y'ello.
#207
1535c113-e7a9-4188-8286-98ac69ffe589.gif
Yeah.
#208
77e3c823-fc21-451d-860e-bcc383dcb283.gif
Oh, hey. How are you?
#209
2d1a4af2-b2a7-4e12-ad2e-66f9b6e4b306.gif
Really? (laughs) That's cool.
#210
0c599c10-b46e-4e20-b47f-752c4e60babc.gif
Yeah. Okay.
#211
0e9c882a-dd61-4fab-aa30-3af59949aecc.gif
Bye.
#212
e8170851-25e3-41fa-82c6-1a31bdbbbaa1.gif
Dude. That was that girl, Sara, the one from the bar the other night,
#213
3245c2fd-1382-45e4-a718-27c22faf96d2.gif
who I rescued from that kid?
#214
dc1364c6-92de-48ff-8670-460db9e5c037.gif
Well, her parents are out of town, and she's totally having a party.
#215
a3ef76d2-515c-45ee-9f10-9c8c2b93814d.gif
What do you think?
#216
06cb94ca-4cd9-4ac7-90b1-3f0e90c15773.gif
Kind of a lame party, bro.
#217
3602c22b-af56-4029-a9d5-84a7d818eb08.gif
Uh, what do you think? Should we jet?
#218
1506a201-28a6-4494-a25a-8cf3339de10b.gif
Yeah. This doesn't feel right.
#219
f491dcdb-2dd8-42ac-acc6-e42ba7c02896.gif
- Hey, guys! (giggling) - Oh, hey, Sara.
#220
fc2e8e56-9910-444d-a556-bbe412e1eca4.gif
- Hey. - I'm so glad you guys came.
#221
c4a2ade4-ddd1-4aa6-a3c7-2a4490b7c9a6.gif
Well, um, we ran into a little bit of a problem.
#222
3f93dabb-fcef-4983-8983-653b3ad9aa52.gif
My brother, he was supposed to pick up the keg,
#223
44aceb20-0a4e-4bd6-871e-c7aa72090d68.gif
but he bailed on me.
#224
f6d269f1-ecc3-40f1-b796-1610b06d4ba3.gif
- Oh, that sucks. - Yeah. Yeah, it totally sucks.
#225
6c426c27-b600-4e42-93c1-94dfb6e2e162.gif
So, um, we were wondering if maybe you guys could help us out.
#226
758abda8-ce09-4cdc-9189-b1d932f87f87.gif
- Oh, you mean... No, I don't... - Oh, no.
#227
afa92ac3-5c72-47c2-a5b2-128366bdd6c6.gif
Geez, I don't think that's such a good idea.
#228
b90277ef-2853-4a2c-b694-51e77520825d.gif
Listen, it's one thing at the bar, you know,
#229
0d636047-5bca-477c-ad2b-c7f0bd9902b9.gif
where we have control over you guys. It's like another thing...
#230
f008a7eb-eabe-4144-8eb0-34898774f918.gif
Oh, come on, please? Please. You guys have been so cool.
#231
bb009b90-5e5b-4781-99cf-c304ced5341f.gif
Yeah, we were just talking about how cool you guys were.
#232
d8bfeefa-0fb0-4e58-9ac3-aa6a304305a7.gif
- Really? - You were?
#233
4d039c50-3701-4769-ad59-ca8b8e51d2dc.gif
This would be the coolest thing that anyone's ever done for us.
#234
623a8620-550e-46d8-89ae-0b08020fab5b.gif
- Ever. - Ever.
#235
2a618a8f-cce8-43cc-b188-36d81e31933e.gif
Who wants to do a keg stand? (cheering)
#236
3425d9bb-f396-4757-b214-22fbadd77c7a.gif
Um, I'm kind of having second thoughts a little bit.
#237
2c25772f-1d1c-4620-b518-7198ed2b6e1e.gif
Oh, come on. It'll be a blast.
#238
6d5eaae9-26cf-42aa-b52b-ef63c73229a9.gif
Yeah, well, I don't think your friends like me that much.
#239
e70bb889-833d-4755-ad91-d47b1437a260.gif
Let's go get a beer.
#240
1f121002-5036-4173-8b2a-fa20e8130f46.gif
ALL: 25! 26! 27! 28! 29!
#241
3e96dc79-a7b6-4c29-a0b6-9c4f0008f857.gif
(groaning)
#242
e107d414-92e9-4668-948b-53e271388873.gif
- Hey, Dee. - Hi, guys.
#243
55630217-5bd3-4299-a0a2-e1dc26085b59.gif
What's going on?
#244
73971367-a7be-4775-adc1-9700dde0c1fc.gif
- Just hanging out, you know? - Yeah.
#245
8c59784a-2fbf-4a43-bbb9-adc4463ebce4.gif
Wanna do a keg stand?
#246
89f84ef7-b518-45c7-ac03-13bd58bdfbef.gif
ALL: 75, 76, 77! (cheering)
#247
a932cc74-c46f-4514-a40a-36eab20e0341.gif
77 seconds!
#248
ab8184f2-ae61-4622-8dba-8474b32de202.gif
- That is a new record, baby! Whoo! - I did it. I did it.
#249
d80970c3-77ce-4d97-8d10-0d6084cba8c2.gif
So Ben is like, "I don't care what Kevin said, Sara.
#250
0f70192f-ca03-4c53-ae69-dd2ab066f941.gif
"I was only going out with Rachel to get closer to you."
#251
9658caec-8542-451b-b45e-2eb47b3ebe86.gif
Oh, my... Oh, my God. What did you say to that?
#252
b4b7d906-aed7-4568-a958-3caf3ec02f63.gif
"Whatever, Ben. I heard from Caitlin that you were totally into her."
#253
18f47817-a566-4f69-a5b5-103338f86e58.gif
Um, he's so full of shit.
#254
12e2be81-41f1-41bd-98fa-6df64969fa43.gif
(chattering)
#255
67318e31-44fd-446f-9d10-fdcf21ce5e76.gif
- God damn! Come on. - Oh, come on.
#256
770b0197-3168-403e-864a-133e4cdbb115.gif
Yeah! What do you think about that, bitches?
#257
949929a3-108e-45fb-9928-b21641f422f8.gif
Load 'em up, losers! What do you think about this, huh?
#258
67005150-876e-4907-864b-891fdf7399e7.gif
How I embarrassed your boyfriend in front of everybody?
#259
fb1ad4e3-d46e-46e7-a20c-953021f3c44f.gif
You like that? You like what you see?
#260
fcf756b8-1a2f-4043-92b3-24b604789fc6.gif
- What's with this guy? - I know. What is he, like, 40?
#261
883087cc-dbb2-48d4-916f-f7b9e014ebd7.gif
Get me some more! Get me some more! Let's go! Load 'em up!
#262
e072a9c7-4879-4320-b103-0e1ba794bcf2.gif
- I'm gonna put on a goddamn clinic! - What an asshole.
#263
08e3ca97-b055-4eb7-a0fa-114f1bd41e5f.gif
(sighs)
#264
c3a6bf60-a5a6-439a-b2a0-eb3467b610e9.gif
Come on, guys. Hey. Let's go.
#265
40a3d75b-4b2e-4b17-9734-f33bc231b7b6.gif
Let's go!
#266
b788091a-1b28-4d1d-99c7-bb7643306e17.gif
- Oh, get off me, dude! - Get off me!
#267
03292490-fa97-41fe-a08e-6d742f02409d.gif
Can we please get out of here? Let's go.
#268
642ea72e-6677-4e55-858d-961dcf2168dc.gif
Why? (sighs)
#269
ae845693-b414-4317-8c23-adba71b61459.gif
Trey asked me to prom last night. This is getting really weird.
#270
0834e287-e247-466f-95d4-aec35099b8c7.gif
- That girl Sara asked me, too. - You're kidding!
#271
9a298262-2d01-4505-8576-707dbc6c2465.gif
What? No, we can't go to the prom. That's pathetic.
#272
52494b2a-8b54-40ec-87c0-d7e30ab6bb58.gif
What do you mean "we"? Who asked you?
#273
205c3734-ddab-4483-ae20-5cea603022fc.gif
Let's just go. Let's just go.
#274
cf43d3d5-d04d-4744-a3df-a50d88ba541b.gif
(knocking) All right, all right. I'm coming.
#275
4c0a0329-dae1-4f58-a403-665f202eaffd.gif
Hi, sexy.
#276
90be3463-b217-4bae-b5c7-ccfb23aff6fd.gif
What are you doing here? You got to get out of here.
#277
e85fbcad-3802-4176-b8b9-0ba332ee26a3.gif
I need a date for the prom, and I want you to take me.
#278
18f15949-33ac-4d21-b0cb-2355a84f957f.gif
(scoffs) Are you kidding me?
#279
2d2155cf-cd3a-4a5c-af63-d1a5b8702f56.gif
I can't do that, okay? You got to go.
#280
1b3892ea-0a65-4ce2-8d21-af6478f665e0.gif
Isn't there anything I can do to change your mind?
#281
d83d5ff2-4538-4ce7-812c-957929c26cf8.gif
No. No, no, no. No. Leave. Leave. Go.
#282
1c9fa1fd-55e1-4f37-a802-1033007b50e4.gif
Okay. You can either take me to the prom,
#283
71a6535e-0a17-42e8-973d-7616ae194cce.gif
or I can tell the police that you're serving underage kids.
#284
cb69d51a-0fa4-4e4c-ab91-74b0a3558900.gif
- Are you serious? - Try me.
#285
e5ce2682-5985-47c5-917e-7814235964dc.gif
God damn it.
#286
818baff3-95ad-472f-941f-e88c741c6df5.gif
You know what? I don't think we should be serving minors anymore.
#287
87b0c90f-9d16-4861-80e4-f9d54292ea17.gif
Oh, no. Somebody's jealous.
#288
0f2f32c7-ffdb-4577-be8c-c7010102c6ff.gif
No, I'm not jealous, okay? I just think it's dangerous.
#289
aa8e5f93-29d8-402a-bac7-ff6c95f7d5a2.gif
I think you're jealous you didn't get asked to the prom.
#290
f19ab081-837f-47d5-b958-e081b1c817c1.gif
MAC: I don't care about that.
#291
3320636b-835e-46ee-b2a4-6e2380e83ea2.gif
- Oh, you're gonna cry? - Shut up!
#292
e003ed93-d978-4ac4-983d-de3676870e6d.gif
Yo, you guys? No more kids in the bar, seriously.
#293
a80169f0-86b4-4d38-ae2a-39e7e81080b3.gif
- Okay! We're talking some sense. - What the hell?
#294
4af6b1dd-4cc8-443f-9eaf-f0285506b30d.gif
This girl asked me to the prom.
#295
58962afe-350b-4490-bae0-2ad2875753d2.gif
- What? - Yeah.
#296
467c274b-6a9d-4c12-96df-06192350e1d0.gif
The girl comes to my house, tells me if I don't go to the prom with her,
#297
78e9fde3-b4b9-4557-860f-a37a91ed2fb5.gif
she's gonna rat us out to the cops.
#298
1880d25e-ca01-4c0e-b35b-7b9a175ec74f.gif
Wait a second. Wait a second. Hold on.
#299
0f2353d8-7226-452e-89f3-3b0479bdc8f4.gif
So all of you guys got asked to the prom?
#300
f9e2a0ef-9c05-4443-9564-ddee2cd444e3.gif
You guys got asked to the prom?
#301
1a2a3f20-11c5-492f-a759-73f79ddd8524.gif
- Yeah. - Whoa.
#302
358950e2-6de7-4422-8767-4d3ad21fd6cc.gif
Oh, this is so lame!
#303
2d1ee7cd-b607-4ff4-b4d0-cc0945e8f333.gif
At least you don't actually have to go.
#304
b4d5ed6d-e0be-4e45-aea5-48e6bea8b9ee.gif
Are you going?
#305
9e3422a9-949b-4b04-a3c3-f24d21ced810.gif
- Yeah. I have to. - Oh, well...
#306
80ce3a55-dcc2-4ec6-8bd3-b4ca726e6c88.gif
If you're going, I'm going then, I guess.
#307
27b3c7b4-2340-41f0-8c0d-a010ae13ca01.gif
- So you... MAC: What?
#308
3ca9267b-2b9a-4dec-8868-aff2f80003cc.gif
Well, I didn't get to go when I was in high school, dude.
#309
e1846fef-81a8-4325-9cad-4a375f9dabae.gif
I think it might actually be fun.
#310
a26474fe-999c-4565-a313-5c54959ea495.gif
DEE: If you guys are going, I'm going. I'm not staying here.
#311
b1df80b3-7519-41ec-b2cd-7c62676769fb.gif
- Are you gonna go? - I'm gonna go.
#312
8eeba189-deb7-4adb-b497-7efeea698a71.gif
- I have to go, so... - Oh, this is pathetic.
#313
8bd5d5f4-0e06-495f-acbe-31bf1ac2d767.gif
Maybe if you weren't such a jerk, someone might have asked you.
#314
d674480f-93f6-422d-831e-6be9269cfbd7.gif
Because Sara told me that Maureen told her
#315
6045214a-662c-4fa3-8031-8222e71a1ccc.gif
that Regina McGinley thought you were cute.
#316
87dd8807-e9f1-4444-8aa3-2cf269e5483f.gif
- Ray Rafferty comes up to you... - Charlie, shut up!
#317
daf8db07-fe4a-449f-adf6-a9f81d70e6f2.gif
The only reason that Sara asked you in the first place
#318
dc0c0205-de87-4db1-a157-619cccdf3e93.gif
s because you're the only idiot dumb enough
#319
8c7a4a5e-3f3b-488b-a4b0-5d965d70d2f6.gif
to listen to her bitch about her ex-boyfriend all night!
#320
25fd3e2e-db0c-4389-97f4-e2b03e27e27f.gif
(scoffs) Whatever. (beeping)
#321
e1b89fde-fcd7-4d5d-9b36-577ba12f3d8f.gif
Hey, we should have a pre-prom party.
#322
75fe9401-f6f2-4c6b-ade8-24b2bcdb00bf.gif
You know what, Charlie? I think this is actually gonna be pretty great.
#323
09e0a6d1-c936-4cca-b8bb-368580cc3856.gif
Oh, dude, are you kidding me? This is gonna be awesome.
#324
46a86685-2f4b-434f-916b-da39bbe2347b.gif
I can't wait to just get out there and start dancing.
#325
99afff12-e93a-4ded-8c0d-53dd0ba512dd.gif
- I'm gonna dance, too. - Are you gonna dance, baby?
#326
8339d7c4-390e-420f-8527-61d6c4686e02.gif
- I'm gonna dance like this. - You gonna dance with me? Oh, Dee!
#327
bea17f8a-7c75-423d-8265-bbd00dceea2e.gif
Come here. Let me take a look at you.
#328
0b52c613-c97d-4b1b-b614-7e5cafbc6a22.gif
Wow. You look... You look...
#329
2e85a86e-cff8-4028-97de-d706d1a9d981.gif
- Yeah. - I know.
#330
c66f68c3-e34e-4dac-baa9-aac8cbccef1b.gif
I feel so lucky that this thing even fits still.
#331
20645a77-c134-4b16-9a23-a5af64c5baf4.gif
- Is it your dress from high school? - Yup.
#332
74e8111f-9d5f-438d-8d4c-bb86e2804c1c.gif
You didn't go to the prom in high school, Dee.
#333
6f6aff98-04fd-4c07-b3d5-99997f69c19f.gif
No, I know. My back brace was under the dress, and Mom called me fat.
#334
b8c701dc-e6da-49db-acb2-1a0374de55cb.gif
- I stayed home and cried instead. - Take it slow. Take it slow.
#335
26d394eb-c874-4269-9eb4-a66b98d95041.gif
I know, you guys, but I just am so nervous.
#336
05ba1cfa-b20f-4344-8793-3b90b2215f00.gif
I just want this whole night to be so special.
#337
152bd92c-1b9b-4b1c-914b-6d72dd96581c.gif
That dude is going to bang your sister, bro.
#338
97d708f9-8a96-4118-969d-30a219a98784.gif
- What's up, bitches? Mmm! - What is this? What are you doing?
#339
139fddc3-8e18-48c0-81e2-5a041c6a5cd9.gif
You assholes aren't gonna be the only ones having fun.
#340
6904efcc-700d-44ca-a2bc-4bcf6a5c612f.gif
- I'm going to the prom. - Dork!
#341
7205fdc8-5b43-4c7d-bcb9-57d55bc27f9e.gif
- You can't crash high school prom. - I'm going stag, bro.
#342
2ec88d46-0a8d-4643-aafb-8b07feeae23c.gif
Mac, you are so pathetic.
#343
e89a34da-0b41-4c5e-b0ff-f8fdb4d8d42b.gif
Yes, and your eyebrows are drawn on, so...
#344
b00a463e-20b7-42bd-a78e-121fe3e39bec.gif
Whoa. Well, you know what? How about this?
#345
d8f89b7a-9049-46bf-9e42-c2065c6ce852.gif
Say it, don't spray it. (chuckles)
#346
0b136d97-729b-4e2d-918c-80d85596b2c9.gif
- Trey's here. Oh, my God. - Hello.
#347
d303eadb-7a83-495e-9e5d-f908d86069e1.gif
Excuse me, Mac. My date has arrived.
#348
e9fc9a9d-121b-4052-bdc8-1b93d177a8d3.gif
Trey is so cool.
#349
c001568c-cce0-4ef8-97ad-c7e9b2451e2c.gif
He's totally gonna bang your sister.
#350
2ea39f5e-d5b6-40c6-887a-3a627897c73a.gif
Hello, sweet prince. (giggling)
#351
caf8db5e-c06a-400d-8af7-30183d5c5e4f.gif
- Wow! You look... Good. - I know! Like a princess.
#352
805715e5-93f2-4c56-ba34-b58f515f1cfb.gif
- Can I tell you a little secret? - Sure.
#353
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Beat it.
#354
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I always wanted to have sex on prom.
#355
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All right. So what's the plan? Do we have a limo or what?
#356
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Uh, the plan is, you're not coming with us.
#357
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- Yeah. - Why not?
#358
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- Because you weren't invited... - Yeah, and you totally suck.
#359
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I totally suck? What is that supposed to mean?
#360
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Oh, Jesus.
#361
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- Oh, who is that? - That's my prom date.
#362
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She's unbelievable. How old is she?
#363
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- She's 18. - Eighteen?
#364
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- You are a lucky man. - Oh, you dick!
#365
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Wait a second. You guys called me creepy for liking young chicks.
#366
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Eighteen's legal, bro. This isn't a morality contest.
#367
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Eighteen's not young, bro.
#368
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So you guys are giving me the go-ahead? I mean, can I...
#369
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- Go ahead. - Hi, Dennis.
#370
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- Hi. You look... - Yeah, I know.
#371
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- Do ya? - Mmm-hmm. (whistles)
#372
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I can't zip it up. Your hair's all caught.
#373
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All right. Just pull it.
#374
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(grunts) Oh.
#375
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- Tammy? - Mmm-mmm. No. What?
#376
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Hold on one minute.
#377
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- Can I get you a drink? - Maybe.
#378
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What would you like?
#379
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- Anything you want. - Tammy, what are you doing here?
#380
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I'm picking up my date.
#381
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You're going to prom with this guy?
#382
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- Yes. - Can I talk to you for a second?
#383
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- What the hell is going on? - It's Tammy, Trey's ex-girlfriend.
#384
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This is classic Tammy.
#385
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Trey broke up with Tammy because Maureen Kinallen said
#386
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that she saw Tammy flirting with Walt Timby at a party.
#387
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But she was only doing it to make Trey jealous because,
#388
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you know, she thought that Trey secretly liked Erin Hannabry.
#389
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But Trey didn't like Erin Hannabry. It was all a bunch of bull.
#390
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- What is happening? - It's Tammy, Trey's ex-girlfriend.
#391
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This is classic Tammy. Trey broke up with Tammy...
#392
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Okay, you know what? Charlie, you got to stop, honestly.
#393
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What are they talking about? ALL: Whoa!
#394
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- Where are they going? - What the hell is this?
#395
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Oh, man! Ah, they did it. They got what they wanted.
#396
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- This is bullshit. - So wait a second.
#397
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They were actually using you two to make each other jealous.
#398
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Yeah, and I always knew that they'd wind up together.
#399
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- They're, like, so perfect... - Shut up, Charlie!
#400
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They're one of those perfect matches.
#401
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That dude's gonna bang your prom date, bro.
#402
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Stop saying it! Stop saying it! It's not funny!
#403
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Hey, why are you such an asshole all the time?
#404
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I'm not the asshole. You guys just got dumped on prom night.
#405
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- You got dumped on prom night! - You were gonna go stag.
#406
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- Yes, I was. Absolutely. - How old are you, dude?
#407
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I am 28 years old.
#408
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- You're a piece of crap! - I'm not a piece of crap!
#409
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- You're a piece of crap. - I have to pee.
#410
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Stop it. Go pee.
#411
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I hate you, Charlie.
#412
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Just like high school.
#413
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#Let's dance in style Let's dance for a while
#414
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#Heaven can wait We're only watching the skies
#415
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#Hoping for the best But expecting the worst
#416
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#Are you gonna Drop the bomb or not
#417
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#Let us die young Or let us live forever
#418
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#We don't have the power But we never say never
#419
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#Sitting in a sandpit Life is a short trip
#420
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#The music's for the sad men
#421
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#Can you imagine When this race is won
#422
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#Turn our golden faces into the sun
#423
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#Praising our leaders We're getting in tune
#424
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#The music's played By the madman
#425
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#Forever young I want to be forever young
#426
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#Do you really Want to live forever
#427
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#Forever and ever
#428
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#Forever young I want to be forever young#
#429