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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
» S01E02 — Charlie Wants an Abortion
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Season 1, Episode 2 — Charlie Wants an Abortion
DENNIS: No, dude. It's not, it's not a question
#1
⇓
of individual style. It's about having some taste.
#2
⇓
You're attacking my ability to express myself, dude.
#3
⇓
How am I attacking your ability to... I just don't get it.
#4
⇓
What's not to get? "Come to Philly for the crack".
#5
⇓
It has a picture of the Liberty Bell on it. It's funny and original.
#6
⇓
It's not fun... How is it funny and original?
#7
⇓
Every asshole on South Street is wearing a t-shirt
#8
⇓
with an ironic slogan on it.
#9
⇓
Well, excuse me if all my t-shirts
#10
⇓
don't have a little guy playing polo on the lapel.
#11
⇓
You cut the sleeves off of all your t-shirts.
#12
⇓
What, so you can show off your tats? Those are really original, dude.
#13
⇓
- They're tribal. - Oh, they're trib...
#14
⇓
I'm sorry. What tribe are you from? What? Is it an Indian tribe or?
#15
⇓
- Are you gonna let me in this game? - No. You're the ref.
#16
⇓
I don't want to ref anymore. I'd like to play, so...
#17
⇓
- You're an excellent ref, Charlie. - You're a very good ref.
#18
⇓
Yeah, I know. I'm a great ref. I'd like to play the game now.
#19
⇓
Are you gonna get mad? You gonna turn into the Mad Munchkin?
#20
⇓
Do you represent the Lollipop Guild, Charlie?
#21
⇓
- Do you? STACY: Hey, Charlie.
#22
⇓
#Are you the mad Munchkin
#23
⇓
# - He is the mad Munchkin - The little mad, mad Munchkin man #
#24
⇓
- Oh, okay. This is what we do? - I need to talk to you.
#25
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# - I'm a little Munchkin man # - It's about our son!
#26
⇓
Nobody wants to hear that.
#27
⇓
DENNIS: So, wait, she's sayin' this is your son?
#28
⇓
MAC: I don't know. Sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me, Charlie.
#29
⇓
I know! I know. There's, like, no way that this is possible.
#30
⇓
Well, did you have sex with her?
#31
⇓
- Yeah. - Okay. Did you use birth control?
#32
⇓
Oh, Dee, we went to Catholic school, so...
#33
⇓
Okay. So you're allowed to have premarital sex
#34
⇓
but you're not allowed to use birth control?
#35
⇓
No. All right. You're twisting words here and, like, gettin' cute.
#36
⇓
When did she have this kid?
#37
⇓
It's been, like, 10 years since I've even seen her.
#38
⇓
- Ten years? - What does she want?
#39
⇓
Well, that's the weird thing. She doesn't want money
#40
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or anything like that. She just wants me to meet him.
#41
⇓
- Are you gonna do it? - No.
#42
⇓
Well, dude, you gotta meet the kid. I mean, you gotta find out for sure.
#43
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Yeah, I guess. It's just...
#44
⇓
I wish I could go back in time and do the right thing, you know?
#45
⇓
- Like be there for him? - No. Get her an abortion.
#46
⇓
So you're not allowed to use birth control,
#47
⇓
but abortions are no problem?
#48
⇓
Okay. So, now you're, like, a word genius,
#49
⇓
and everything I say, you twist it around and make me look dumb.
#50
⇓
Charlie's right, though.
#51
⇓
He should have at least had a say in the matter.
#52
⇓
Well, it's her body, and it's her decision.
#53
⇓
No, I'm sorry. It's not just her decision. The man should get a vote.
#54
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- Well, ultimately it's her choice. - It is not just her choice.
#55
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It's nobody's choice. It should be left up to God.
#56
⇓
Is he... Is that... Are you joking?
#57
⇓
No, it's not a joke! You remember Genesis, book two, verse three?
#58
⇓
"And he breathed into the nostrils of Adam
#59
⇓
"on the first day. And it was good."
#60
⇓
Right in his nostrils, huh? Sounds really uncomfortable.
#61
⇓
You're making an asshole out of yourself.
#62
⇓
Dude, you need to get a blood test, okay?
#63
⇓
I remember Stacy Corvelli. She was a slut.
#64
⇓
You're right. Uh, Mac, what's God's stance on blood tests?
#65
⇓
Hmm. I don't know. I'd have to check.
#66
⇓
(doorbell rings) All right, you feeling good?
#67
⇓
No. I feel nauseous. I think I'm gonna go.
#68
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- I'm gonna run. - No, no, no. It's...
#69
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- I should go. - Hi. Hey, Charlie.
#70
⇓
- Hi. - You brought your, uh...
#71
⇓
Dennis Reynolds. We didn't get a chance to talk before,
#72
⇓
but I remember you. Yeah.
#73
⇓
- You went to St. Giles? - I did. Yeah. With... Yeah.
#74
⇓
So you two are together now, or...
#75
⇓
- No. - No. No.
#76
⇓
- I'm just here for moral support. - We're not... That's not even...
#77
⇓
- I brought him along. - Yeah.
#78
⇓
STACY: All right. Come on in.
#79
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I'm real glad you decided to do this, Charlie.
#80
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Yeah. Well, uh, you know, it's the least I could do, so.
#81
⇓
Yeah. Sorry I don't have a lot of time. I gotta get to work.
#82
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Uh, Tommy, come on in here, son!
#83
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TOMMY (shouting): What do you want, Mom?
#84
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He's a bit of a handful. Uh, Charlie and his friend are here.
#85
⇓
TOMMY: So goddamn what? - Tommy, come in here, please!
#86
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- This is bullshit. - Whoa!
#87
⇓
STACY: Language, please. - Hey.
#88
⇓
Which one of you fags is supposed to be my dad?
#89
⇓
- Whoa, hello. Right off the bat... - Yeah.
#90
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Tommy, be nice. Huh? This is Charlie.
#91
⇓
(scoffs) Are you serious? This is the guy?
#92
⇓
What's that supposed to mean, buddy?
#93
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Well, I should be home around 8:00. Uh, what do you guys have planned?
#94
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- Uh, I thought we'd go to the park. - Huh. That sounds nice.
#95
⇓
- Wanna go to the park, Tommy? - I don't care.
#96
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Okay. That's great. Bye, sweetie. Have fun, boys.
#97
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I'm not goin' to the park.
#98
⇓
No shit.
#99
⇓
(phones ringing)
#100
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What is this place?
#101
⇓
This is a place where we're gonna go see a special friend of mine.
#102
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Why?
#103
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'Cause he's gonna help us figure something very important out.
#104
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- It's gonna be good to know. - Why?
#105
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Because I said so. No more questions, okay, buddy?
#106
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- Why? - Stop saying "why".
#107
⇓
- Why? - Stop it. I don't like this game.
#108
⇓
- Why? - Is this a game?
#109
⇓
- Is this your game? - Why? Why?
#110
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Hey, pretty boy.
#111
⇓
What you here for?
#112
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My friend's gettin'...
#113
⇓
... a blood test. - Your boyfriend?
#114
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No. He's not my... He's not my boyfriend.
#115
⇓
- He got AIDS? - I don't... I don't think so.
#116
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- Do you? - No, I don't.
#117
⇓
I'll blow you for $10.
#118
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(blows)
#119
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Let me consult some of this free literature they got here
#120
⇓
regarding that proposition. Oh. You know what?
#121
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According to this, that's not a good idea. So I'm gonna have to pass.
#122
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But thanks. I appreciate it. Really nice of you.
#123
⇓
- He's playin' mind games, dude. - I wanna leave.
#124
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- Hey, tough. - What are we doin' here?
#125
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Don't answer. It's a trick question. He tries to get in your head.
#126
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- It's a little game he plays. - No, let me answer the question.
#127
⇓
See, we're at a free clinic, Tommy.
#128
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Charlie doesn't have health insurance. See this lady back here?
#129
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Take a look. That's what you get if you don't have health insurance.
#130
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- I wanna go to the mall! - Keep your voice down.
#131
⇓
- I wanna go to the mall! - Keep your voice down.
#132
⇓
- I wanna go to the mall! - Stop yelling.
#133
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- I wanna go to the... - Stop your yelling.
#134
⇓
We need to... Ow! He's biting my hand!
#135
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- He's biting my hand! - Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
#136
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(phone ringing) Sacred Right. It's a child, not a choice. Mmm-hmm.
#137
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All righty. I'll make sure he gets the message. Thank you.
#138
⇓
- Hi. - Hi.
#139
⇓
So, I was having an argument with some friends the other day.
#140
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And I was wondering if you could help me out with some information.
#141
⇓
Are you interested in joining our cause?
#142
⇓
No, I'm looking for some info on the Bible, Jesus, that kind of thing.
#143
⇓
Well, if you join our mailing list, the Reverend...
#144
⇓
Okay, listen to me. I don't really wanna join your little freak show.
#145
⇓
Just looking for some information.
#146
⇓
So if you could point me in the right direction, that'd be great.
#147
⇓
- We have some literature... - Great. Thank you. Thanks.
#148
⇓
...on the display back by the water cooler.
#149
⇓
Oh, Mama.
#150
⇓
- Hey, there. - Hi.
#151
⇓
Oh, are you here to sign up for the rally?
#152
⇓
Yes, I am. Yeah, real excited about the rally.
#153
⇓
- We're gonna kick ass this time. - I'm ready to kick somebody's ass.
#154
⇓
I'll tell you what. I hate those bastards.
#155
⇓
Wow! That's...
#156
⇓
- Uh, hate's a very strong word. - Yeah.
#157
⇓
Yeah, well, let me tell you something, Megan.
#158
⇓
I hate dead baby fetuses, you know?
#159
⇓
I hate them because they're dead, and they shouldn't be.
#160
⇓
They should be alive, and they should be loved.
#161
⇓
Oh! Wow! You just... You seem really passionate.
#162
⇓
Yeah. More than you know.
#163
⇓
- Nice kid, Charlie. - What the hell
#164
⇓
do you think is wrong with that kid?
#165
⇓
You've gotta get that blood test, dude.
#166
⇓
- Die! Die! Die! - No! Hey! Whoa, Tommy! No!
#167
⇓
No! No! No! Give me the stick!
#168
⇓
Come on! This place sucks! I wanna go to the mall!
#169
⇓
We can't go to the mall, all right? Shut up! I'm the boss of you!
#170
⇓
- You're not the boss of me! - I am the boss!
#171
⇓
I wanna go to the mall!
#172
⇓
- I'll show you who's the boss. - Let's go to the mall!
#173
⇓
- You wanna go to the mall? - I wanna go to the mall!
#174
⇓
You could ask nice. Dennis, let's go. We're goin' to the mall.
#175
⇓
I'm not spending anymore time with that kid.
#176
⇓
Come on, dude! Fine. Great. Dee, Dee.
#177
⇓
Will you just... Can we go to the mall? Will you drive me?
#178
⇓
- If Dennis watches the bar. - That's fine.
#179
⇓
Great. Fine. Thank you. (screams)
#180
⇓
- You're ugly. - You're ugly.
#181
⇓
- You're ugly! - You are the one that's ugly!
#182
⇓
Charlie! Jesus Christ! Are you almost 30?
#183
⇓
- Are you almost 30 years old? - Yes!
#184
⇓
- You have to buy me a toy! - I don't have to buy you shit.
#185
⇓
If you don't buy me anything I'm gonna tell my mom
#186
⇓
you took me to a black people's hospital.
#187
⇓
Wow! Oh my God, that's racist. What do you say to that?
#188
⇓
- I don't say anything. - You still have to buy me a toy!
#189
⇓
(mocking)
#190
⇓
Charlie, what in the hell are you gonna do if this kid's yours?
#191
⇓
Oh, I don't know. I'll probably, uh, kill myself.
#192
⇓
Whoa! Isn't that your waitress from the coffee shop?
#193
⇓
- Oh, my God. - Go talk to her.
#194
⇓
- What? No. - Come on. Go talk to her.
#195
⇓
No, dude.
#196
⇓
You've been in love with this girl forever.
#197
⇓
I know that.
#198
⇓
You know what? Come with me and pretend that you're my girlfriend.
#199
⇓
- No. I won't do that. No, it's not. - Come on. It's gonna work.
#200
⇓
- Come stand next to me then. - Why?
#201
⇓
- So she doesn't think I'm creepy. - Well, you are creepy.
#202
⇓
I realize this. That's why I need you.
#203
⇓
- All right. Let's go. - Thank you.
#204
⇓
Stop sweating.
#205
⇓
Then we can grab him if you like him, okay?
#206
⇓
- Hey. Fancy seeing you here. - Oh. Hello, Charlie.
#207
⇓
- Buying toys, are you? - Yeah.
#208
⇓
- Cool. This is my, uh... - Friend. We're good friends.
#209
⇓
- Hi. - Hi.
#210
⇓
- Is that cute little girl your... - I'm her big sister.
#211
⇓
Oh.
#212
⇓
Hmm, that's weird. She looks Mexican.
#213
⇓
She is Mexican. It's the Big Sister program.
#214
⇓
She's not my real little sister.
#215
⇓
That is such a coincidence. That's what we're here doing.
#216
⇓
- What? - Yeah. Do you see that, um...
#217
⇓
Adorable little guy over there? (gun clicks)
#218
⇓
That's Charlie's little brother.
#219
⇓
Really? No way.
#220
⇓
- You're involved in the program? - Yeah.
#221
⇓
Well, that's... I didn't know you were involved in the program.
#222
⇓
- Oh, my God, I love the program! - It's one of his favorite programs.
#223
⇓
- I've been in the program since... - A long time now.
#224
⇓
I guess you're gonna be going to the picnic, then, at Fairmount Park?
#225
⇓
- Right. - Saturday?
#226
⇓
Yeah. Are you there? Are you goin'? Are you gonna be there?
#227
⇓
- I will be there on Saturday, yes. - Great.
#228
⇓
- Maybe we'll see you there. - Maybe. Or you know what? Or...
#229
⇓
- Maybe we could carpool. - Carpool?
#230
⇓
Yeah. Well, think about it. We'll save the environment.
#231
⇓
- We'll team up. It'll be good. - Smart. Reduce, reuse, recycle.
#232
⇓
The kids will love it. The kids... He loves Mexicans.
#233
⇓
All right.
#234
⇓
- Sure. Let's do it. CHARLIE: Oh!
#235
⇓
Okay. Yeah.
#236
⇓
- Great. Nice to meet you. - Great.
#237
⇓
I'll see you. I gotta go get my little sister.
#238
⇓
- Okay, bye. - Bye.
#239
⇓
- Thank you. - You're still pretty sweaty.
#240
⇓
(all shouting) Baby killer! Baby killer!
#241
⇓
You bastards are gonna burn in hell!
#242
⇓
Abortion is murder! It's a child, not a choice!
#243
⇓
Pro-choice is pro-death!
#244
⇓
- Wow! Great rhetoric. - Thank you.
#245
⇓
You're really hard-core, aren't you?
#246
⇓
Oh, well, you know. I mean, if you really wanna see hard-core...
#247
⇓
What's this?
#248
⇓
That's the list of doctor's I'm gonna kill.
#249
⇓
- There's two already crossed out. - Yeah, I know.
#250
⇓
(grunting)
#251
⇓
- You really had a good time, huh? - Yeah. We had a blast.
#252
⇓
- He didn't give you any problems? - No. Not a single problem.
#253
⇓
Listen, I was thinking maybe I could take him out this Saturday?
#254
⇓
- Really? - Sure. I'd pick him up at 8:00?
#255
⇓
You know, do the father-son thing.
#256
⇓
You all right? That's gonna be okay? Because I could really use him.
#257
⇓
- Goddamn it! - I'm sorry.
#258
⇓
I can't do this! Tommy's not your son.
#259
⇓
What?
#260
⇓
Remember Jimmy Doyle from high school?
#261
⇓
That son of a bitch is Tommy's real father. He left me six months ago.
#262
⇓
You know what a nightmare it's been since he left?
#263
⇓
- I can't raise Tommy alone. - I don't care! I don't care!
#264
⇓
So you thought you'd just pawn your son off on me?
#265
⇓
What could I do? I wanted a better role model than that piece of shit.
#266
⇓
(stammering) Stop talking! Wait. Let me think.
#267
⇓
(grunts) God!
#268
⇓
All right. So can I still take him out on Saturday?
#269
⇓
- Yeah. - Great.
#270
⇓
- That's pretty thin. MAC: Hey-oh!
#271
⇓
- Hey. - Mac, where you been?
#272
⇓
I don't know. Saving humanity.
#273
⇓
- Are you still on this kick, dude? - Yeah, you know, Den, I was...
#274
⇓
Thinking what you were saying the other day,
#275
⇓
about the t-shirts with the stupid slogans on them.
#276
⇓
And I was wondering what you think about this?
#277
⇓
Huh, bitch? Yeah! Is that stupid enough for you?
#278
⇓
You're not seriously wearing that, are you? You look ridiculous.
#279
⇓
- Whatever, dude. - You know?
#280
⇓
That's the problem with you anti-abortionists.
#281
⇓
You cry about the sanctity of life, and then you wear a shirt like that.
#282
⇓
I'm not listening to you.
#283
⇓
Aren't you right-wingers all about the death penalty too?
#284
⇓
- Doesn't involve killing somebody? - Right, right, right.
#285
⇓
And you liberals are against killing murderers.
#286
⇓
- But for killing innocent babies. - Yeah. We like to kill babies.
#287
⇓
You guys are taking this way too seriously.
#288
⇓
Den, you don't understand the week I've been having.
#289
⇓
I met a girl at one of these organizations who is a freak.
#290
⇓
She is the dirtiest chick I've met in my life.
#291
⇓
- Seriously? - Yeah.
#292
⇓
You gotta come with me to one of these rallies.
#293
⇓
They're having another on Saturday. These chicks are everywhere.
#294
⇓
- I can jump on board with that. - Yeah!
#295
⇓
Are you actually gonna throw away all your convictions
#296
⇓
for a chance to get laid?
#297
⇓
I don't really have any convictions.
#298
⇓
- Where is this rally being held? - Uh...
#299
⇓
Planned Parenthood, Bryn Mawr Medical Center.
#300
⇓
I'm gonna go. At least one pro- -choice voice is gonna be heard.
#301
⇓
One? There was, like, tons of those chicks at the last one.
#302
⇓
- Which side had more? - Oh, which one do you think?
#303
⇓
The one that cares about protecting women's bodies
#304
⇓
or the one that's run by the religious right?
#305
⇓
Probably the side you're goin' to.
#306
⇓
I'm gonna fight for the right to choose.
#307
⇓
You're a scumbag, Dennis.
#308
⇓
- Today's a big day for me, Tommy. - Why?
#309
⇓
Well, today is probably the best chance
#310
⇓
I'm ever gonna have of hooking up with this girl, so...
#311
⇓
Look at me for a second, pal. Okay, do me a favor.
#312
⇓
If you're good today, I'm gonna buy you anything that you want,
#313
⇓
anything in the world, all right?
#314
⇓
Oh, my God!
#315
⇓
I will smash your face into a... Into a jelly!
#316
⇓
Wrong key.
#317
⇓
ALL (chanting): Keep abortion legal! Keep abortion legal!
#318
⇓
ALL (chanting): Stop abortion now! Stop abortion now!
#319
⇓
- This is crazy. - Yeah, weird.
#320
⇓
People actually care about women's bodies. You believe that?
#321
⇓
Yeah. I think Mac picked the wrong side. There's, like, no dudes here.
#322
⇓
Gross.
#323
⇓
You know what? Uh, give me a second here.
#324
⇓
- Hi. - Hi.
#325
⇓
I like your look.
#326
⇓
- Excuse me? - I like the whole hippie thing.
#327
⇓
It really works for you.
#328
⇓
Get lost, breeder.
#329
⇓
Oh, okay. (chuckles)
#330
⇓
Yeah. Mmm.
#331
⇓
I love the smell of protest in the morning.
#332
⇓
What?
#333
⇓
I was quoting that movie, you know, "Apocalypse Now".
#334
⇓
- "Napalm in the morning." - Is that the new Mel Gibson movie?
#335
⇓
- No. - You saw "Passion of the Christ"?
#336
⇓
I saw it 12 times.
#337
⇓
Okay.
#338
⇓
You know, you really shouldn't joke about the apocalypse.
#339
⇓
So just fill these out. You'll get your information in the mail.
#340
⇓
Thanks.
#341
⇓
"Keep your laws..." I like your t-shirt.
#342
⇓
- Thanks. - Yeah. Where do I sign?
#343
⇓
- Right here. - Love t-shirts like that.
#344
⇓
Right.
#345
⇓
So, do you come to these kind of things often, or...
#346
⇓
Are you hitting on me at an abortion rally?
#347
⇓
Yeah, I... (scoffs)
#348
⇓
You know what? I think all these chicks are gay.
#349
⇓
Yeah, I don't know that they're gay.
#350
⇓
I think they can just smell how disgusting you are.
#351
⇓
That sucks for me. (dialing)
#352
⇓
(cell phone ringing)
#353
⇓
- Yell-o. - Hey, Mac. It's Dennis.
#354
⇓
Look, man, there's no talent over here. What's the deal over there?
#355
⇓
Oh, yeah. We're lookin' real good over here, bro.
#356
⇓
- What do you think? - Hop the fence and come over.
#357
⇓
- All right. See you in a second. - Later, gator.
#358
⇓
All right, Megan. I'm finished.
#359
⇓
You are a genius.
#360
⇓
Hey, sis. I'm gonna jet.
#361
⇓
- You're leaving? - Uh, this side sucks.
#362
⇓
I'm gonna try my luck over there.
#363
⇓
- Are you kidding me? - Later, tater.
#364
⇓
Dennis? You are such a jackass!
#365
⇓
(all shouting) Excuse me. Excuse me.
#366
⇓
Can I get by here? Thanks.
#367
⇓
(shouting continues)
#368
⇓
I just... I really love that sign. I've wondered that so many times.
#369
⇓
Hey, there's a guy on the fence.
#370
⇓
Hey! Hey! They're coming after us!
#371
⇓
- No. They're not coming after us. - I'll show you what we do to them.
#372
⇓
-How's your aim? - Pretty good.
#373
⇓
- I don't think that's a good idea. - Hey, it's okay.
#374
⇓
These people deserve this.
#375
⇓
(shouting continues)
#376
⇓
Yeah. He looks like he deserves it. Maybe just one.
#377
⇓
Oh! Ow!
#378
⇓
Yeah! Come on! Get your eggs, people!
#379
⇓
Oh, my God! Shit! They're throwing eggs!
#380
⇓
They did this last time. I came prepared. (chuckles)
#381
⇓
Oh. Hey, Dennis! How's the action over there, buddy?
#382
⇓
What the hell are you doing?
#383
⇓
Oh! They're coming... Okay, now they're coming back.
#384
⇓
- Die! - Hey!
#385
⇓
Hot chicks on that side, Dennis? (groaning)
#386
⇓
You're gonna burn in hell!
#387
⇓
(shouting)
#388
⇓
Stop! Stop! Stop!
#389
⇓
Hey, guess what. I have a surprise for you.
#390
⇓
- What? - It's a real miracle.
#391
⇓
- What is it? - I'm pregnant!
#392
⇓
What?
#393
⇓
I'm pregnant!
#394
⇓
You gotta get an abortion.
#395
⇓
- Megan, wait, wait, wait! - Stop talking to me!
#396
⇓
Well, listen, I just think our situation is different.
#397
⇓
How is our situation different?
#398
⇓
Well, because I didn't mean to get you pregnant.
#399
⇓
- It was an accident. - You are so pathetic.
#400
⇓
Listen, you can't have this kid, okay?
#401
⇓
- I'm way too young and I have... - Save it! I'm not pregnant!
#402
⇓
- What? - I'm not pregnant. It was a test.
#403
⇓
I just thought for, like, one second that you might be the one.
#404
⇓
I just had to know for sure.
#405
⇓
Wait a second! So you're not pregnant?
#406
⇓
- No. - And this was a test?
#407
⇓
- Yeah. - And I failed?
#408
⇓
- Have a nice life, asshole. - No! Wait, wait a second! Oh.
#409
⇓
Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!
#410
⇓
Where the hell have you been? You said 11:30, dude!
#411
⇓
- I don't wanna talk about it. - That waitress is picking me up.
#412
⇓
I was ready to shut down the whole bar!
#413
⇓
What the hell is that kid doin' here?
#414
⇓
CHARLIE: I'm taking him to the Big Brother Big Sister thing.
#415
⇓
- Get him out of here, Charlie. - I'm getting picked up any minute!
#416
⇓
- Will you relax? - I told you.
#417
⇓
- I don't want kids in the bar! - Dude, what is up your ass?
#418
⇓
You, you are out! Whoa, dude! This kid reeks of booze!
#419
⇓
No, no, no, no, no. Are you drunk? Don't be drunk.
#420
⇓
- Yeah - How could you let this happen?
#421
⇓
I was the only one bartending! He took sips out of people's beers.
#422
⇓
- All right. Brew some coffee. - You can't give him coffee!
#423
⇓
- Let go of that! - Get him out of here, Charlie!
#424
⇓
Charlie!
#425
⇓
Okay, here we go!
#426
⇓
Fresh air! Have a seat! Sit down!
#427
⇓
- You suck! - You suck, all right?
#428
⇓
- Breathe it in. Fresh air now. - You suck!
#429
⇓
- And you have an ugly face! - You suck! You have an ugly face.
#430
⇓
You try and push people's buttons all the time!
#431
⇓
And you get in their head, and you drive them crazy!
#432
⇓
Maybe that's why you don't have a dad anymore!
#433
⇓
WAITRESS: Oh, my God!
#434
⇓
- What are you doing? - I'm drunk.
#435
⇓
- He's drunk? - He's not drunk.
#436
⇓
- I am drunk! - You're not drunk.
#437
⇓
- He sounds drunk. - I am drunk!
#438
⇓
You're not drunk! Stop saying that!
#439
⇓
He's fine.
#440
⇓
Jimmy Doyle!
#441
⇓
- Yeah? - Charlie Kelly.
#442
⇓
- Yeah? - From high school.
#443
⇓
Oh, yeah. I didn't recognize you without all your acne.
#444
⇓
(chuckles) All right, listen, I need to talk to you about your kid.
#445
⇓
- Why? - Uh, let's see.
#446
⇓
Because your kid has serious emotional problems.
#447
⇓
- Why? - You're not there as a father.
#448
⇓
Why?
#449
⇓
You're kidding me? This your little game?
#450
⇓
This is what you're doin'? This is what you're doin' to me?
#451
⇓
Why?
#452
⇓
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