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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S01E01 — The Gang Gets Racist

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 1, Episode 1 — The Gang Gets Racist

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: The Gang Gets Racist
Air date: August 04, 2005
Director: John Fortenberry
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson
The guys hire Dee's friend, Terrell to promote the bar. Meanwhile, Charlie tries to prove that he is not a racist.
Source: TMDB
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DENNIS: Another big night fellas, $164.87.
anotherdennisfellasnight
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MAC: That's not a lot of money. DENNIS: No, it isn't.
dennismoney
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- Our mortgage is due in two weeks. - No, we paid that a week ago.
mortgagepaidweekweeks
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A week ago was three weeks late, Mac.
latethreethree-weeksweekweeks
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Hey, guys. So, I met this guy in my acting class.
actingacting-classclass
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And he's really cool, and he wants to see where I work.
coolwants
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So, could you guys try to not be weird?
weird
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- What is that supposed to mean? - I love you guys very much,
lovesupposed
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but sometimes you're not that cool.
coolsometimes
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- We're cool! - Not cool?
cool
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- Try to be cool. - Sometimes you're not too cool.
coolsometimes
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- Charlie MAC: Always cool, man.
charliecool
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- Hey, man, we're closed. - Yeah, I know.
closed
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Whoa, whoa, whoa! We don't want any trouble.
troublewhoawhoa-whoawhoa-whoa-whoa
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- What? - Guys, this is Terrell.
terrell
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From my acting class.
actingacting-classclass
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- Yeah. Yeah. - Hey, man. How's it goin'?
goin
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- It's going good. How you doin'? - Good, man. We're just chillin'.
chillindoin
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- Great. Just closing up shop. - Yeah.
closingshop
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(mutters) Whoa.
mutterswhoa
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Guess you guys don't have too many brothers walking through here.
brotherswalking
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- Oh, no, no. - We got plenty of brothers.
brothersplenty
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- Yeah. African-Americans. - Okay. Yeah, we get it.
africanafrican-americansamericans
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Yeah, I know some of them.
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Yeah. We're probably related.
related
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No.
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I don't think he was implying that you guys are all related.
implyingrelated
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- That's ridiculous. - Sweet Dee came in here
ridiculoussweet
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just a second ago and she started talking about acting class.
actingacting-classclasssecondstarted
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We weren't expecting you.
expecting
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We weren't expecting you to be black, that's all.
blackexpecting
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Right.
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Thanks, guys.
thanks
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When I'm promotin', everybody and their mama gonna be there.
everybodymama
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There's gonna be brothers, white boys, latinos, whatever.
boysbrotherswhitewhite-boys
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You got niggas hanging from the rafters.
hanging
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So we got 400-plus packed into this tiny little place.
packedplaceplustiny
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Whoa. You had 400 people packed into a place?
packedplacewhoa
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You damn right, I got 400. That's my job, man.
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And it's mostly college kids.
collegecollege-kidskidsmostly
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You know, my sister goes to temple, so I got the hookup over there.
sistertemple
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And hookups are good? But, just to be clear,
clear
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when you say your sister, do you mean your sister or your friend?
friendsister
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- Dude. - Oh, Jesus.
jesus
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- I mean my sister. - Oh. Okay. Cool.
coolsister
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I was just, because he could mean his friend or his sister.
friendsister
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Stop talking.
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So, we're packed into this little bitty place up on Walnut, right?
bittypackedplacewalnut
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We're halfway through the night, everything's goin' all right.
everythingsgoinhalfwaynight
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All of a sudden, I notice this dude eyeballin' me from across the bar.
noticesudden
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- Shit. - Right? And I don't know
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f this dude wants to freak me or fight me. You know what I'm saying?
fightfreakwants
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- He's giving you crazy eyes. - The insane, crazy eyes. Right?
crazycrazy-eyeseyesgivinginsane
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- I know that. - So I walk over,
walk
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he's this big, cut Mexican dude
mexican
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"unless you want to get yo' ass torn apart
aparttorntorn-apart
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"you'd better get that look off your face."
face
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No!
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You just walked right up to him and said that?
walked
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I had to, man. You gotta make the first move.
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- Always make the first move. - I know.
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- So badass. - So what happened?
badasshappened
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Well, hey, he won't stop starin' me down.
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We're like eyeball to eyeball. His grill is right up in mine.
grill
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It feels like an eternity, son, right?
eternityfeels
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- Finally... - He opens up his mouth and says,
finallymouthopens
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"I guess you gon' have to tear my ass apart, homes."
aparthomestear
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Man, so what'd you do?
whatd
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Took him to the back alley, and I tore his ass apart!
alleyaparttore
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- Oh, my God! - That's insane!
insane
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(chattering continues)
chatteringcontinues
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Okay, I would like to do things like that.
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MAC: I love that guy. "I took him to the back alley."
alleylove
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Who does shit like that? It's like a movie.
movie
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Calm down, don't get too excited, all right?
calmexcited
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There's something a little off about him.
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Oh, bro, that's racist.
racist
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No, asshole, that's not what I meant.
assholemeant
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I'll go get the coffee. What do you guys want?
coffee
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Dude, sit down. Okay? Wait till the waitress comes out here,
comestillwaitress
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and then you can stare at her. - I wasn't gonna stare at her.
stare
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- I was just gonna. - He wasn't gonna stare at her.
stare
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Dude, you're totally obsessed with that chick.
chickobsessed
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I'm not obsessed. I like her. Okay?
obsessed
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I have a little bit of a crush, yes. But obsessed?
crushobsessed
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That's a bit of a harsh word.
harshword
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- Dude, it's never gonna happen. - Guys, listen.
happen
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Honestly, I think we should think about hiring Terrell.
hiringterrell
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- Why? For what? - You heard him.
heard
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When he's promotin', everybody named Mama's looking to get in.
everybodylookingmamasnamed
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That's true. They do have, uh, "Niggers hanging from rafters."
hanging
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- Wow. Nice. - No, that's not what I was saying.
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- Coffee? - Yeah.
coffee
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- Hitler? - No, I'm not Adolf Hitler.
adolfhitler
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I'll make sure to put lots of cream in yours.
creamlots
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- I was quoting a black friend. - Okay.
blackblack-friendfriendquoting
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(exhales)
exhales
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Well, great. Well, that's just great. Now she thinks I'm racist.
racistthinks
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Dude, will you just drop it?
drop
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Listen, if Terrell delivers half of what he promises,
delivershalfpromisesterrell
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we're looking at 200 people. - Yeah, that's true.
looking
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It'd be nice to get some chicks in the bar.
chicks
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All right, let's do it.
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- Sure about this? - It's 2005, Charlie.
charlie
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Isn't it ridiculous that you have no friends outside of your own race?
friendsraceridiculous
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No, what is ridiculous is this stupid plan.
planridiculousstupidstupid-plan
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- It's not stupid! - It's a stupid plan.
planstupidstupid-plan
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It's not, this is a college campus, all right?
campuscollege
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This is a great place to meet people of different cultures, diversify.
culturesmeetplace
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You're just trying to make black... Mmm-hmm.
black
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You're trying to make black friends?
blackfriends
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You're not making it easy.
easy
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You're trying to impress Terrell with a couple of black friends.
blackcouplefriendsimpressterrell
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Don't do this right now. Don't do this right now.
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(hip-hop music playing) (laughing)
laughingmusicmusic-playingplaying
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Okay. See? This is exactly what I'm talking about.
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- This is perfect. - Huh. Yeah.
perfect
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- I'm gonna break the ice. - Go for it.
break
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'Bout to bust that shit up, Reese.
boutbustreese
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- 'Bout to bust that shit up, boy! - Absolutely.
absolutelyboutbust
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- That didn't go exactly the way... - No.
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- No. It was really, really awkward. - Really awkward.
awkward
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- Maybe we should go. - Yeah!
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- Hey, what's your name? - Oh. It's, uh, Charlie.
charliename
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- Do you play bones, Charlie? - I dabble.
bonescharlie
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Do you want to play? I could get you a game.
game
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Uh, no, I shouldn't. I'm not very good, so...
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- I bet you're really good. - Well, it's been a long time.
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- Oh, come on. - All right. Maybe just one game.
game
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Domino, bitch! (all laughing)
bitchlaughing
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This is bullshit. Absolute bullshit.
absolutebullshit
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Why do these people like you more than they like me?
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Whoa. Maybe it's comments like that.
commentswhoa
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I meant those people in there, not all black people.
blackmeant
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What am I supposed to say in that situation?
situationsupposed
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You should say something different. Figure something else out.
figure
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- Hey. - Hey.
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- Um, I'm Janell. - Oh, hi.
janell
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Uh, you got some moves out there, Charlie.
charliemoves
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- Thanks. You know. - I wanted to give you this.
thankswanted
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- Oh. Okay. - You know?
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Give me a call sometime.
sometime
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- All right? - Yeah. See ya.
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Well you... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
whoawhoa-whoawhoa-whoa-whoa
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- What are you doing, dude? - What?
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That girl's gorgeous.
girlsgorgeous
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She's the perfect opportunity to prove that we're not racist.
opportunityperfectperfect-opportunityproveracist
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- She probably has friends for me. - Well, come on,
friends
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f anything, I think we should be focused on black men, first of all.
blackfocused
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What?
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We don't really need... We need black guys, so.
black
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Black guys? What the hell are you talking about?
black
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You know.
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Is this about that waitress at the coffee shop, dude?
coffeecoffee-shopshopwaitress
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Oh, my God! Dude, you are obsessed with this chick.
chickobsessed
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No, I'm not.
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90aedb3b-5f70-4e68-9eba-91a5dc9c097a.gif
- Let me see your wallet. - Why?
wallet
↓
2337b6ee-9665-4040-bcbd-3d34ab41f986.gif
Are you still carrying a picture of her in your wallet?
carryingpicturewallet
↓
54a389da-c366-4b79-a734-2f3d810e1fc4.gif
No.
↓
e033ce03-2083-4879-aafa-a89cd6231fc8.gif
- Give it to me. Give it. - Oh, my God! Stop making a scene!
scene
↓
ca09eebf-af45-430b-b347-6bbcddb8c061.gif
Just give me the wallet! Give me the wallet!
wallet
↓
95ee5430-9df2-44bb-9405-0cfec34241f8.gif
I can't get the goddamn...
goddamn
↓
ba447b14-acbe-4cd4-9bd0-fe6bce8ebdbf.gif
It's okay! It's okay, everybody!
everybody
↓
79e4c390-bf41-4e80-aa1b-bb53d243af01.gif
- You're making a scene. - You're making a scene!
scene
↓
2c15f21e-a35e-4020-9216-d5e7ab92d473.gif
I got it. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Hold on a second.
second
↓
53071d6b-01ee-4737-92cf-ef8a673ffd31.gif
- Ha! Ha-ha! Ha! - Give it to me!
↓
87ff0eff-b9fb-4e2b-88fd-ed4c3d9884e4.gif
- He had it! - Okay! You found it!
found
↓
8ac2dad2-278a-42b8-98ef-494e4a4ae699.gif
You know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna tear it up!
tear
↓
0cf96ec1-7919-47ca-b96e-9398c42e3ae8.gif
No, don't!
↓
c71261b3-5222-4b7b-93a0-caff0854a1fa.gif
Fine, just give me it. I'll call her. I'll call the black girl, okay?
blackblack-girlgirl
↓
9d8320c4-d166-4301-b80c-83ecd907e372.gif
Okay, buddy. We're cool. We're cool.
buddycool
↓
268d22a5-522e-448e-b6ac-20a73a621194.gif
We're good. Thanks, guys. See ya.
thanks
↓
1f18c3c7-71b7-4380-a8e9-b71d69fc0a94.gif
I had the craziest dream last night that I was in Cleveland, Ohio,
clevelandcraziestdreamnightohio
↓
75cc7031-2cda-4842-9726-d6a9b49526cf.gif
which is really weird, because I've never even been to Ohio.
ohioweird
↓
2226e770-6cbf-418b-b039-d3b239022295.gif
This guy was wearing a bunny suit,
bunnysuitwearing
↓
d2457545-5701-4a7f-8882-95d6e9905c8e.gif
and he was coming out... - You know what, Dee?
coming
↓
ac2bf52d-f451-4836-a819-f3ec4cf034dd.gif
I don't wanna hear about your dreams. Okay?
dreams
↓
7a505804-732e-49ba-8431-0d337b5aa602.gif
I hate listening to people's dreams.
dreamshatelisteningpeoples
↓
41d0776b-0091-46cb-9373-248ebc35366e.gif
It's like flipping through a stack of photographs.
flippingphotographsstack
↓
fc715d3f-5dae-48c1-b4e6-64ca396e4dc5.gif
If I'm not in any of 'em and nobody's having sex,
havingnobodys
↓
bbf576e3-0a54-44f8-a20a-ace378b6357b.gif
I just... I don't care.
care
↓
7c257095-b25b-450e-9f12-1f76989538c0.gif
Oh. I'm sorry. I would listen to your dreams.
dreams
↓
2c0a844e-7d14-4a78-a941-f47702650925.gif
- You're my brother and I love you. - I'm sorry. I am.
brotherlove
↓
ba5eeda7-8aa7-4315-9435-3f09f6bf5110.gif
- Hey! What's goin' on, guys? DENNIS: Terrell.
dennisgointerrell
↓
ffbf365f-9053-4b30-9be2-e205c49245d6.gif
- How are you? - Hey! What's up? What's up?
↓
49509856-a97b-4079-b811-69408cceb192.gif
How you doin'? Dennis! What's goin' on?
dennisdoingoin
↓
c956e125-8867-45f9-b6b8-59b670120406.gif
- All right, man. - How's it goin', man?
goin
↓
861d73de-16bd-4b2b-b354-d4dd7be86578.gif
Good, man.
↓
8da9a555-3eb3-4b02-a898-c4a8551191d1.gif
Listen, um, you mind stepping outside with me for a second, man?
mindsecondstepping
↓
a5108a1e-d032-4f68-b52b-efae3edc9d8e.gif
- Yeah, I'll come outside. - Yeah?
↓
da2e9437-4f31-47d2-8470-ce143e329dd6.gif
- Yeah. Okay. - All right, man, come on.
↓
7108ee9b-56b1-46c6-9939-9b75cf4ce6e0.gif
I'm gonna put these out on the tables.
tables
↓
17e33066-b08c-424b-bcee-9b6cee9973a0.gif
Rule number one. Always keep a line.
linenumberrulerule-number
↓
4f243940-9abc-4121-9d17-7d50a62a6ce0.gif
Oh, my God! That is a lot of people! Wow!
↓
100be188-2f6d-41f0-a79e-ea98adeb6d04.gif
(disco music playing)
discodisco-musicmusicmusic-playingplaying
↓
8b52ab0f-29d2-407b-b9d8-29c9846140a7.gif
This is crazy!
crazy
↓
c445603d-b93b-4077-a45e-e976369764a5.gif
I know! I told you! Terrell's the best!
best
↓
1a93410b-5358-497e-bce7-c4afac46793c.gif
I know! I'm gonna have to start bartending full-time. Look at this!
bartendingfullstart
↓
c63f7a37-40a3-4a76-b61c-b86bef63e222.gif
Why are you making more money than me?
money
↓
fcaec420-fb53-48d8-9e76-de1161433258.gif
- I don't know! - Hey, this is crazy!
crazy
↓
457dc4b2-1b1d-446a-912b-3f74c3d53cf7.gif
I know. Terrell packed 'em in. Look at this.
packedterrell
↓
50e391f4-a425-48fc-83a1-265902d7edea.gif
- This is crazy! - Yeah, we were just saying that.
crazy
↓
98ddd1e5-051c-4d55-87de-89118923029c.gif
- Lot of dudes. - Yeah, there's a lot of dudes.
dudes
↓
73ab4c16-d130-471a-87af-d0cc93217992.gif
Lot of dudes.
dudes
↓
ec853fcc-cb0e-4140-8ed7-faad87f226b3.gif
What can I get you boys?
boys
↓
0c38247e-ec21-4846-81d7-ba01d00d4fee.gif
Oh, uh, we wanted to wait for the cute one.
cutewanted
↓
536c8a0b-f0fa-4d5a-9c98-8c111a345ce2.gif
What cute one?
cute
↓
0a760dce-f619-44bf-bdc9-d0e71e077d6d.gif
Mac, isn't that your cousin Brett by the jukebox?
brettcousinjukebox
↓
308f5b11-40c0-4e19-aac0-b5bf76515ba5.gif
- Oh, yeah! - Let's go say hey.
↓
38f47492-9c1b-48ce-ac94-37288aee0a54.gif
- Yo, Brettie boy! - Hey, cuz!
↓
c3cc45a7-ff5e-48a4-bb90-7153f6fdc016.gif
- How you doin'? - What's up, Brett?
brettdoin
↓
be991e0f-e36d-47eb-8221-f8c013a5cedb.gif
- Can you believe this crowd? - Oh, it's something else!
believecrowd
↓
a76baf05-02b1-44a7-afb5-a4c624a8b286.gif
Yeah!
↓
1975019b-f95d-41ba-9e3c-81015708d2c5.gif
Gentlemen, I understand my services have been requested.
gentlemenrequestedservices
↓
ad16a787-b8a3-42b4-8517-9a62ce0f6ef6.gif
I actually got a couple of services I'd like to request.
couplerequestservices
↓
13179d60-cfdc-45df-b9b0-280ffa56662d.gif
Whoa! Uh, what are you doin, man? I'm not...
doinwhoa
↓
1674729d-4356-4cbd-bd25-c1c4737cb0ff.gif
- You have the most beautiful eyes. - Okay, man, but I'm... Really?
eyes
↓
7ef3d43f-e4a5-4e17-8d72-4f49e9fb32bc.gif
So blue.
blue
↓
ba2d03db-8f1b-451c-ba1a-1c74430a5f4c.gif
Really more of a blue-green, actually, but...
bluegreen
↓
7cebe7a3-e3b2-41a1-83ec-b301215908b6.gif
- I'm really proud of you, man. - Yeah, thanks.
proudthanks
↓
21616fb0-1c7f-4885-ab62-7e423546beba.gif
- You've come a long way. - What do you mean?
↓
8b4d7213-5dc3-477a-a53a-1bd49aa605b8.gif
You guys are running the hottest gay bar in Philadelphia.
hottestphiladelphiarunning
↓
15c5d107-08f2-4e7b-b63e-26d5d0b6fe16.gif
(disco music continues)
continuesdiscodisco-musicmusicmusic-continues
↓
0633c2aa-f8f2-47ac-b081-05f171b8f67a.gif
(knock on door)
doorknock
↓
9385a8d8-3e72-4691-983a-e3b2b598c4ff.gif
(grunting)
grunting
↓
fae5a0f6-8ece-4f0e-9dc2-39f3381d0df9.gif
No! What in the hell is your problem?
problem
↓
bf24e27d-5e5a-42ba-84ce-08f729800b62.gif
How could you not tell me you were gay?
↓
60fdd726-ea65-4419-8bfb-a284778ceff6.gif
I'm a musical theater actor living in Philadelphia.
actorlivingmusicalphiladelphiatheater
↓
d3c4677c-e41a-425b-b866-8650bb0d8a11.gif
I didn't think it was that big a secret.
secret
↓
b173d548-264c-433b-8358-1c67a750e9f6.gif
I've been coming on to you for, like, weeks now.
comingweeks
↓
d30b1c9d-55c7-45ce-9e46-cf847dbe8d57.gif
- I thought you were into gay dudes. - I am not into gay dudes!
dudes
↓
b3f75a25-1ac7-4fa2-9c41-d179c2b02d5d.gif
- Apparently you are. - Okay, well, you know what?
apparently
↓
5ba0dbd2-3033-4398-a5dd-a8b09b25639f.gif
The guys hired you to promote their bar,
hiredpromote
↓
455562f6-c540-4f2c-b1e2-026946e8e13c.gif
and you turned it into a gay bar. They are not happy.
happyturned
↓
6b837aed-23d2-4fa5-a154-8096b8a2fe33.gif
(laughing)
laughing
↓
0c142a8e-6fa1-46b6-8f65-549ec2cb0462.gif
- So much money! - Whoo!
moneywhoo
↓
975cca6d-fa69-4355-9318-29312b6b1c30.gif
Oh! So much money! We made more money in one night...
moneynight
↓
777765f5-5fe6-4322-8d4f-d6b28a670d8d.gif
Than in the entire time that we've owned this place!
entireownedplace
↓
e1622628-ef49-4500-a1f5-04db1bbea6a6.gif
This is great. We have to embrace the situation.
embracesituation
↓
c76b5119-c518-42ee-982f-c2f9554a8a02.gif
We should totally embrace the situation!
embracesituation
↓
74054efb-6bc7-449e-8fdb-21f99fa09f70.gif
- We're a gay bar from now on. - Absolutely, man!
absolutely
↓
19775a6c-3cea-4933-9623-8cf0b3914a32.gif
No goddamn way. Have you guys seen this?
goddamnseen
↓
e85d0b95-affd-4abc-8f27-ce0edf2729c0.gif
"Looking for that new hot spot to spot that stud?
lookingspotstud
↓
5d3f3284-9c7e-416a-b4cd-0de705f6db00.gif
"Well, Paddy's Irish Pub has plugged that hole."
holeirishpaddysplugged
↓
6d9a8e6c-1360-4798-af2a-67ee2661ae6b.gif
- That's a nice notice. - No, it's not a nice notice.
notice
↓
8073b69b-e554-43e8-9c35-5d1665cadb0e.gif
I don't want to be plugging anybody's holes.
anybodysholesplugging
↓
f3624477-0952-471f-8d97-8fe1621c452a.gif
- I'm gonna have to agree with Mac. - Of course you are.
agreecourse
↓
9751bb89-0db8-43f6-b642-644ca06dc5b1.gif
I made $300 last night. How much did you make?
night
↓
20433962-3bf1-41f6-91d7-96972119327d.gif
First of all, that's rude.
rude
↓
2ccc31c8-17d3-421c-ae28-33ddbf637391.gif
And that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about.
↓
2edf492e-4385-4ba0-aaf4-60c23827535f.gif
- It has everything to do with it. - It is what you're talking...
↓
ec8faf52-f70a-4ca9-a480-327717028f84.gif
Listen, I don't think we have much of a choice. We need to do this.
choice
↓
63f5dd48-d500-4c27-9434-fa9d2bcbb99a.gif
If you guys remember, one of the major reasons
majorreasonsremember
↓
14337515-e1fb-4c39-9532-8b6bea8606e9.gif
we got this bar in the first place was to get laid.
laidplace
↓
ef147d4c-b26e-4900-8b38-89c9d47a250d.gif
Maybe you did it to get laid.
laid
↓
f0e926c8-0996-40bb-bca0-8b5ff383c151.gif
I got a little something I like to call "business ethics".
businessethics
↓
9aa754fc-33ce-4d83-93b1-5dd215ae665b.gif
Business ethics? Charlie, the only reason you don't care
businesscarecharlieethicsreason
↓
3a89b493-8093-4750-aebd-c8e0899abea6.gif
s because you have black girls hanging all over you for no reason.
blackgirlshangingreason
↓
a5ced155-7e8f-4f5a-a9e8-4685f82b9a16.gif
Okay, you know what? Chill out. You're gonna screw it up.
chillscrew
↓
782213ea-1510-4edf-afe0-eb360e4e8959.gif
Screw it up? I happen to have a date with a nice young lady today.
datehappenladyscrewtodayyoungyoung-lady
↓
e2442e1c-993b-4525-9d60-c815ba2f58c2.gif
Ouch. Look, you guys, it's a purely fiscal decision.
decisionouchpurely
↓
be743d13-c231-4c3c-ba9c-c02a3d8addf8.gif
Bullshit. You don't care about the money. You just like the attention.
attentionbullshitcaremoney
↓
9d712309-634c-495b-a0ed-89250c5ae359.gif
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
supposed
↓
2cdb634b-037b-4586-9891-e9b94a8b0d1a.gif
"Everybody look at me!" You know exactly what I mean, pretty boy.
everybody
↓
c6402adf-5ccd-42c6-947b-7306ca9f76c5.gif
- Hey, handsome. - Hey, beautiful.
handsome
↓
5392e1fc-c68c-4053-b240-37892d2738e1.gif
- Hey, sexy. - Hey, hoss.
hosssexy
↓
ee8205fc-08de-4dde-a80e-0f64ca8dede3.gif
I just get along really well with those guys.
along
↓
c89b1be4-e400-43df-b96e-0133fc85c83c.gif
- They're vibing. - No, you're leading them on.
leadingvibing
↓
5b90cd50-699d-4357-ad94-391ec2d13e77.gif
- You're not gay, you're just vain. - Okay, time out.
vain
↓
0a161fb3-dccb-411d-9aef-0552f0572615.gif
Here's what we should do. Let's take a vote. All right?
vote
↓
e6ebffc9-8952-44c2-b5a6-1f4ede2c27b0.gif
DEE: Fine. MAC: Okay.
↓
9f044657-e42a-4872-ba59-ccb81e1bf94a.gif
All those in favor of Paddy's Pub remaining a gay bar, say "aye".
favorpaddysremaining
↓
4e79798d-8b09-497e-bf4f-d1bf4bc0e59c.gif
- Aye. - Aye. Opposed?
opposed
↓
01555bfd-772f-486f-b8f4-24b2e7f4ef1b.gif
Keeping in mind that you don't get a vote.
keepingmindvote
↓
76f29ad1-5fa4-4676-8aef-734676c2a6cd.gif
DEE: Why? - Because you're the bartender.
bartender
↓
d1e41b0f-0bee-45f2-bd27-7eed6c9455f1.gif
- You're not one of the owners. - No, Sweet Dee gets a vote.
ownerssweetvote
↓
5ee3a92b-2366-4459-b86c-089f4e03cb17.gif
- No, she doesn't! - Of course I get a vote!
coursevote
↓
63cb3fb7-9d6b-4c84-8ab4-88f326ed8872.gif
(arguing indistinctly)
arguingindistinctly
↓
96719fc9-e553-4fe1-8765-6e41998f1c47.gif
All owners opposed, say "nay".
opposedowners
↓
8ac84974-eda0-41b6-8f37-78cb30569908.gif
All owners, people who own the bar who are opposed, say "nay".
opposedowners
↓
67906d43-2bd3-4537-82cc-f93b080d599a.gif
All people who own the bar who are opposed say "nay".
opposed
↓
bd9ecd05-2d36-4d20-8fd2-8cbd11263030.gif
- Nay. - Two against one! Oh, well.
↓
73dc1f13-9a4c-4bd8-b4de-971e216e227b.gif
Paddy's Irish Pub will henceforth remain the hottest gay bar
henceforthhottestirishpaddysremain
↓
9709e0c3-52bf-40da-9972-247bd8fa43d0.gif
n Philadelphia.
philadelphia
↓
a5cc15a9-fca5-4591-873a-af97214d8b55.gif
Hey, hey! What's going on?
↓
e664c576-014f-4dce-a0ae-d1e88e876c35.gif
- Look at you! You look good! - Oh, thank you. That's so sweet.
sweet
↓
8f1ecee0-c864-4de2-aec1-ef2495e2fd94.gif
- So, where we going? - I thought we'd go grab a drink.
drinkgrab
↓
b8f4184d-fccf-416b-b7fc-5d8ce8788890.gif
- Oh, I want one so bad. - All righty!
righty
↓
355d0143-f553-4f75-9ce9-82bd729c0c74.gif
Oh, a coffee shop. I thought you meant, like, a drink at a bar.
coffeecoffee-shopdrinkmeantshop
↓
314c1424-2782-4ef7-b6c6-baf618fad3f4.gif
Yeah, absolutely. Uh, here, why don't you have a seat here.
absolutelyseat
↓
1d97c7ce-989b-4f13-940c-e13b8b94f766.gif
I'll go up and get the coffee. What would you like?
coffee
↓
269552f5-bdd1-42d4-be1b-276626db3cf8.gif
- I don't really drink coffee. - Totally.
coffeedrink
↓
7a9104eb-0b4e-47d7-9608-036ed907ea69.gif
What do you want, Charlie?
charlie
↓
db291bd0-06f1-4557-816e-7dd28f6b50a6.gif
"What do you want, Charlie?" Um, well,
charlie
↓
0bbc18bd-dd70-4568-9cde-56ed20971f94.gif
I'd like you to take a look at the young African-American woman
africanafrican-americanamericanwomanyoung
↓
cb8c354b-e080-4c68-9c65-4473c542116d.gif
sitting at the table over there.
sittingtable
↓
2741796f-a1a3-433e-870d-a24880c32776.gif
- Okay. - That woman is my friend.
friendwoman
↓
917b5c3c-0ac4-427b-a547-fa6d14455070.gif
Wow. Good for you.
↓
ccd7c628-0ae3-4755-adbb-85fcdeb28ff3.gif
So, the other day when you heard me saying something about
heard
↓
a1fae526-8c45-46f0-919a-049771e5cd1e.gif
certain people hanging from rafters, I was quoting a friend of mine...
certainfriendhangingquoting
↓
233f67a3-4f6f-4f4a-8817-8364a2028cac.gif
What are you trying to say? Spit it out.
spit
↓
ee0c2c9f-dc9d-4946-bab4-5de57bcf07fe.gif
Well, maybe now that you know that I'm not racist,
racist
↓
da876d41-7edd-453d-b80b-92a6bf3b6c85.gif
you and I could go on a little... - Dude, N-O.
↓
6f670a04-18fb-4168-988a-63fb7785ac4b.gif
How many times do I have to say it to you?
times
↓
57c234ec-d365-4365-b951-684442723e24.gif
- One time is fine. - Apparently one time is not fine.
apparently
↓
80cf0e9b-30b8-4cdc-93eb-dd28abeb1b38.gif
- One time per time I ask you. - Hey, what's going on up here?
↓
f5c565ce-f09c-48ad-90b8-58eb2ffb9ac2.gif
Oh, not too much. Charlie's using you to prove that he's not racist
charliesproveracistusing
↓
1526cb8e-4e00-4f42-a0af-a1cf7e8aa2bc.gif
and then he asked me out on a date.
askeddate
↓
ea34c6ab-0e17-4b24-8c86-15e8dc5d3554.gif
Charlie, is this true?
charlie
↓
420f424e-f3f2-4165-9ae6-c6dd4d339f19.gif
Would that upset you if it was something that was true?
upset
↓
6512d0da-6034-4c7e-8f57-d666c6938698.gif
(disco music playing)
discodisco-musicmusicmusic-playingplaying
↓
012187a5-82f3-49f5-9d62-3d26949ec620.gif
Charlie, I think you need to see a doctor. This thing looks really bad.
charliedoctor
↓
ec31c1ae-8ca2-43b5-9f54-b95e34532295.gif
- I did! - What'd he say?
whatd
↓
d63b3c46-7950-4f9f-b3e7-31f6ccf6334f.gif
He said that Janell punched me in my eye!
janellpunched
↓
a33fb5eb-18d3-4fb0-b6cc-05b350785365.gif
All right, well, you need to keep that eye...
↓
470d67ab-0606-40fc-a4c4-fb9b838b77c3.gif
- Wait. Her name's Janell? - Yeah.
janellnames
↓
162fd613-8676-4248-9ca1-d2bd75ae305f.gif
Janell Jenkins. She's got a hell of a right hand.
handjanelljenkins
↓
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She also said that if she ever saw me again,
↓
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she was going to slit my throat. - Are you two seeing this?
seeingslitthroat
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Boys are out tonight, huh?
boystonight
↓
b7660772-2e5a-4156-a3f6-2ba678b93779.gif
This is unbelievable. What the hell is going on here?
unbelievable
↓
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You got black women crawling all over you
blackblack-womencrawlingwomen
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and this Mary over here is the belle of the ball.
ballbellemary
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Why do these people like you guys so much?
↓
e3b1d290-d9a3-46b1-9874-6629acc77bbd.gif
Well, dude, it's not that they like us.
↓
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It's that they don't like you. You know why?
↓
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Uh, because you're an asshole!
asshole
↓
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- Is that true? - Yeah, kind of.
↓
793e3ba7-a2b3-49b4-8477-0848afb805c5.gif
Hey, listen, can I talk to you in the back for a second?
second
↓
882d0705-cfaf-487b-a12d-76529948a7c0.gif
- What's up? - You know that girl
girl
↓
99a1e4d2-c693-406d-b28e-82aa0cafa403.gif
Charlie's talking about? That Janell? I know her.
charliesjanell
↓
b79ed29f-d239-46ae-a8c3-43d6c5fe7768.gif
- Okay. So what? - I think I know how we can solve
solve
↓
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this whole gay mess.
messwhole
↓
2005e0e8-3de9-44ef-80f4-79224e255f71.gif
- Great. How? - First we gotta start with Dennis.
dennisstart
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Can you get him so drunk tonight? On tequila.
drunktequilatonight
↓
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But like a lot of it. Enough, that maybe he might hurt himself.
hurtmightmight-hurt
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- Sure. No problem. - All right.
problem
↓
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Where are you going?
↓
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I gotta talk to a couple of friends from my acting class.
actingacting-classclasscouplefriends
↓
2bef980c-93f1-4e09-9de2-f1d352187010.gif
But seriously, blackout drunk.
blackoutdrunk
↓
29d0db5d-e6f8-4013-aea1-98537b6c0d4f.gif
All right.
↓
15127e48-2533-4f84-8fb2-4a40503e4308.gif
Okay. So you did the lime first, and then the shot, right?
limeshot
↓
d69e5b34-ef64-4fa4-b517-86b3ab988209.gif
No. No, no, no, no. Dude.
↓
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- You take the salt. - Take the salt.
salt
↓
a868fdb7-650e-452c-bfa8-cee4d570eefe.gif
- And then you take the shot. - Okay.
shot
↓
ee5a6983-3241-4194-bd29-4444688efeac.gif
- And then you suck on the lime. - Okay.
limesuck
↓
8b73405d-a22e-410a-9775-9c08cad5821d.gif
Why don't you show me again. I'm getting a little bit confused.
confused
↓
23368477-1ae7-45e2-855c-db861e9cf846.gif
- You lick it. - Salt. Lick it.
licksalt
↓
b17cf6a1-650e-43dd-8d96-9a840104ac78.gif
- And then you slam it. - Yeah?
slam
↓
e46cd80e-558c-40e4-b49f-62a8b218f239.gif
(burps)
burps
↓
fdeccde8-c294-4575-8328-83f8ca5560ba.gif
Oh, that's great. All right, so, I'm gonna do the shot first...
shot
↓
30d91a18-60d5-497e-9496-ba6267810ede.gif
No, no, no, no. Oh, please, please, dude.
↓
5b296360-2c5e-4850-88c0-dd6f99eb4301.gif
- You're not listening to me. - Well, I'm just not getting it.
listening
↓
c3792ec9-5543-4125-972b-fc0323954fb7.gif
- You do the salt first. - The salt first.
salt
↓
0065e3be-dff3-4d3a-9556-4b7fb4dd310e.gif
- And then the lime. - Show me again, because I'm not...
lime
↓
5dfb100f-c441-42c4-8194-7e6f9a89e9f4.gif
The salt first. Then the lime.
limesalt
↓
790fe642-a041-4345-b8ad-60862977d65f.gif
(alarm beeping) (whimpers)
alarmalarm-beepingbeepingwhimpers
↓
3a02f10c-5119-44c3-add2-69246e0eb2d9.gif
(groans)
groans
↓
f059f93f-809e-49cd-bd21-f1f4a5e1af09.gif
Oh, God. (groans)
groans
↓
c62b1884-3b3c-41ab-af3a-7bb67ce1a6b3.gif
Hello.
↓
4e91a02f-a4ee-428f-af63-7db9721e083d.gif
Mmm.
↓
08c29d53-8543-4e03-b514-a842bd208254.gif
(sighs) Nice.
sighs
↓
24c56138-ea2a-48fe-aeff-0886f6659690.gif
(sighs) Beautiful.
sighs
↓
ad2f08ba-abac-4eed-b05b-aee9d3b69c45.gif
(moaning) Hello, lover.
lovermoaning
↓
01a36428-c360-41c3-a22d-7fb08349910b.gif
(screams) Whoa! What the hell!
screamswhoa
↓
78f6dae7-f6ab-4b89-9c5a-637bb8ad12cd.gif
What is going on here?
↓
8928ec23-472d-4d18-9333-0417ea668e28.gif
Relax, stud. You got nothing to be ashamed about.
ashamedrelaxstud
↓
1d51fddf-83a6-40ba-97ba-d4603e675651.gif
What the fu... What does that mean?
↓
1d6ad025-3ce1-4f3d-a150-ba703548d75a.gif
- Did we have? - No. No. Don't be silly.
silly
↓
07db6553-0774-48e3-a822-8a592a96168a.gif
It was all hands.
hands
↓
773c5fc5-b4b6-4b88-aff3-30c792e2a2b6.gif
How's that ass feelin'?
feelin
↓
2bc3d88e-06c6-4edc-af9b-60191240630c.gif
CHARLIE: I'm really glad you decided to embrace this.
charliedecidedembraceglad
↓
041a7b61-8238-4090-8168-63f7970c813a.gif
- You're doing the right thing. - I think so, too, dude.
↓
964fe9fe-8d7b-4c22-ad11-d330b9bd43b9.gif
I feel really good about broadening my horizons.
↓
6544c72b-73e3-40da-b133-c9b403a36dea.gif
It's gonna be fun. It's a good business decision.
businessdecisionfun
↓
1a537d7c-cfec-4662-9fce-df9962d2e4f6.gif
I don't want to own a gay bar anymore.
anymore
↓
c49b1afa-b189-464f-bb3b-7a7763cdd873.gif
- What, dude? - Oh, no. What happened?
happened
↓
21bc81bd-6bd2-455d-9e87-0d7998f2305d.gif
Just, uh I was doing some thinking and, you know,
thinking
↓
def6599e-484c-494b-85f3-bcc6819524c9.gif
I think we had our little experiment. It was great.
experiment
↓
c69705d2-8462-42f1-b8f6-4d0516629697.gif
- But we should go back to normal. - Oh.
normal
↓
d7003e01-279e-4e49-b733-ffd8622bf6e1.gif
You had an experiment, and you want
experiment
↓
c30a25c2-dc32-43a8-b773-4760f34ae2e4.gif
to go back to the way it was before the experiment. Interesting.
experimentinteresting
↓
d480eeda-1c9c-4738-8598-4d638482d917.gif
We had our experiment with the bar, and it was great.
experiment
↓
ec31c397-e420-424a-b158-56fb883d840d.gif
- Let's go back to normal. - You're done experimenting then?
experimentingnormal
↓
54e9856e-7715-46a4-bfc6-57f8d3217783.gif
- Or are you gonna experiment more? - What is this experimenting?
experimentexperimenting
↓
9c71ef68-d0aa-45fe-bc65-3ca6d48f439d.gif
- Hey, Dennis! What's up? - Listen, I got you some new CDs.
dennis
↓
7927eb89-1ef1-4b9a-a5f8-b729efd56214.gif
'Cause the music you had in the jukebox was a little bit stale.
jukeboxmusic
↓
6f96778b-82e2-4f85-b883-e52606977120.gif
Also, first thing we gotta do is get rid of these shamrocks.
↓
617041b1-29d4-40a7-bca3-c5cc55132fec.gif
'Cause nothing scares gays and black folks like Irish crap.
blackfolksgaysirishscares
↓
c6d6f0b8-6d67-415d-94c9-ca7e2926afb1.gif
Can we talk for a second, though, in private?
privatesecond
↓
2d199f4b-558f-4c5a-ba2d-eb6d4a1d9122.gif
Yeah. No problem.
problem
↓
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So, listen, Terrell, it's not really working out.
terrellworking
↓
28d0a03e-c819-4d7e-85af-a989af868746.gif
We're gonna have to let you go.
↓
8bbccb4d-4a43-4063-9cab-404474751852.gif
I don't understand. I thought you guys were happy.
happy
↓
5b281aa6-cb44-4a3f-a37e-825873048b8f.gif
No, we were happy. But then Dennis had an experiment,
dennisexperimenthappy
↓
25a3a40b-db77-427d-a856-f06ae38360ca.gif
and he wants to go back to normal.
normalwants
↓
101ee1da-b7b1-480e-87ad-26a05f0f96c9.gif
Yeah, we had that little experiment...
experiment
↓
c25dba4e-bd85-4c0f-9367-61e9edbfbd02.gif
- Why you keep saying it like that? - You guys are being ridiculous.
ridiculous
↓
1d5ad3a3-e4dd-40b6-a3ae-438dcf3c071e.gif
Yeah, we're being ridiculous! We're making a lot of money here!
moneyridiculous
↓
ef7bf4f5-ee59-43af-812e-4a96d4dceddd.gif
- Yes! Thank you! - Look, everybody! Sweet Dee's here!
deeseverybodysweetsweet-dees
↓
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- Hey, everybody! - Whoa! What are you doing here?
everybodywhoa
↓
e8e862dc-8ea2-41f9-81e7-39ca5ffa25a7.gif
- Charlie? - What is going on here?
charlie
↓
560b459f-124f-412d-996f-d7cb956d7a88.gif
- You guys know each other? - Yeah! That's the crazy bitch
bitchcrazycrazy-bitch
↓
d259a43c-eb90-4d40-b224-e2808bdaffa1.gif
that punched me in my eye! - Charlie! That's my sister.
charliepunchedsister
↓
3b39e127-29d7-485a-bc7d-809adc38fe2c.gif
Now, just to clarify.
clarify
↓
40b72d48-8677-42a8-8fb2-a34b80ff2a16.gif
- When you say "sister", you mean... - I mean my sister.
sister
↓
38a619e4-8c32-4de3-9455-dfdc00eb7b79.gif
Yes! Okay! This is great! Because earlier
↓
d4c8bef7-8c71-47db-8243-161247f8fec1.gif
you were implying that I was racist because you thought
implyingracist
↓
e0456dd9-9acd-4fa7-b0ad-d9160fb6960d.gif
that I was implying that all black people are related.
blackimplyingrelated
↓
7fce2a9a-5f3b-4330-a65b-c8311d023eab.gif
And then it turns out that you people actually are!
turns
↓
fd091ebc-244b-4276-937a-96aa0e8acb90.gif
No, that's not what I meant. Hold on a second.
meantsecond
↓
bdb8b8fe-ddbf-42e3-b021-0778bb1c8e3f.gif
- I meant that you two actually are. - Mac?
meant
↓
9dcd239c-1d97-4769-8bc8-bbcec63a5afa.gif
Stop talkin'.
talkin
↓
b084f9df-00b0-41fb-ada3-e79c49c5d7aa.gif
$111, $112, $113, $114!
↓
4659704a-1816-4814-b3f3-0a6b03f6929f.gif
On a Saturday night!
nightsaturdaysaturday-night
↓
d1bc9dcf-8e99-4087-aa06-b1d4cb6a1f7f.gif
- We're back to normal. - We are back to normal. Mmm.
normal
↓
8e7dab88-39a1-4754-b134-7514cd6e4028.gif
Dee, I gotta know. What exactly did you tell those guys
↓
ef2a2627-7916-4589-a0b2-edee9df0c7e6.gif
from your acting class to do to Dennis?
actingacting-classclassdennis
↓
000ef524-ebf8-43f2-b3af-679b0b1993c3.gif
Oh, yeah, I know, I forgot to tell you. That didn't work out.
forgot
↓
4b7cc682-b4ff-499d-a1ab-33e6adfe8f9b.gif
- What? - I couldn't get a hold of them.
↓
a9f54182-5d98-4c75-beff-47460166ad93.gif
Then why was he so freaked out?
freaked
↓
88e827ca-f72f-4414-896d-e507de5f139c.gif
How's that ass feelin'?
feelin