Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S07E05 — Frank's Brother

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 7, Episode 5 — Frank's Brother

I'm saying that if I were a cop, I would have an Uzi.

#2

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Well, but I'm saying that the police force

#3

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- would never issue you an Uzi so now what? - That's not what...

#4

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- That's not her point though. - That's not what we're talking about.

#5

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That's not my... Thank you, Charlie. Listen, if you had the choice,

#6

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one gun that shoots a thousand bullets in one second?

#9

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Yeah. You're shooting bullets everywhere.

#10

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- I agree with her 100%. - Right?

#11

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She's absolutely right. Got people coming at you from every angle.

#12

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Frank, honestly, if you're gonna join in the conversation,

#13

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will you swallow your food and then speak?

#14

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- It's disgusting. - Yeah. Hey, Frank, what are you eating

#15

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You are not eating a hoagie.

#17

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You are just jamming meats and cheeses inside of your mouth.

#18

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I like to make it in my mouth. It tastes better.

#19

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Gino?

#21

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You piece of shit!

#22

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You son of a bitch!

#23

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I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

#24

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- I'll kill you! - Now, this is interesting.

#25

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- Yeah. - Yeah.

#26

⇓

- Do we break this up or do we... - No, no, no! Don't break it up.

#27

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I want to see how this whole thing plays out.

#28

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- Okay. Well, that seemed to settle it. - Yeah...

#29

⇓

My goddamn brother!

#32

⇓

Frank, I had no idea you had a brother.

#33

⇓

Yeah, what gives, Frank? You told us your brother was dead.

#34

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Yeah, you said that he had his guts

#35

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You told that to my own niece and nephew?

#37

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Uh, well, technically, sir, he's not our father,

#38

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which would mean you're not our uncle.

#39

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Yeah. We thought he was for a long time, and then as it turns out...

#40

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- You know, it's a whole thing, so... - Yeah.

#41

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How could you do this to me, Frankie?

#42

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Do what, Gino?

#43

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You know what I'm talkin' about.

#44

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You're trying to steal her from me. She's my woman!

#45

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You stole her from me first!

#46

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Well, you stole her back!

#47

⇓

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who the hell are you guys talking about?

#48

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The love of my life.

#49

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Well, this just got more interesting.

#50

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I'm gonna pull up a seat and get into it.

#51

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This just got very interesting, Frank.

#52

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Why don't you walk us through this?

#53

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No. I'm not dragging this shit up again. This is ancient history.

#54

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No, no, no! I think they need to hear this.

#55

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I think they need to hear what a liar and a cheat their father is!

#56

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Let me start at the beginning.

#57

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It was back in the '60s...

#58

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I'm gonna jump in for a second

#59

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'cause it sounds like you're about to launch into a whole thing.

#60

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Is it gonna take a long time?

#61

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- My attention span's very short. - That's a valid concern.

#62

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It'll take as long as it takes!

#63

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Ah, okay.

#64

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- Well, we might pop in and out mentally. - Yeah...

#65

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You know, our generation, it's like...

#66

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- Yeah. - Yeah. You want to make it funny

#67

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- or something? - Give it some flair.

#68

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Okay! It was in the '60s.

#69

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If you were looking for me, you'd find me

#70

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at a happening little jazz club on the north side of town.

#71

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It was an all-Black joint.

#72

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Blacks played the best music.

#73

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Not that I gave a shit. I got a tin ear.

#74

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It all sounded like a bunch of noise to me.

#75

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See, I was running numbers as a bookie for the club.

#76

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- I'd take Betsy: for the owner, Reggie. - Yo, Gino.

#77

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He had a temper.

#78

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He also had a weakness for betting horses

#79

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and a strength for losing those bets.

#80

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You see, Reggie owed me money,

#81

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and when he came up short, I called in a favor.

#82

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I need you to hire someone.

#83

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I ain't hiring another one of your bimbos, Gino.

#84

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This bimbo is my little brother.

#85

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He's here every night for the music.

#86

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He's more Negro-ish than anybody else in this club.

#87

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Frankie!

#88

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Gino! Ha!

#89

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How would you like to work here?

#90

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Would I ever! I love the music, sir.

#91

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He's just a kid. How old are you, boy?

#92

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Nineteen.

#93

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Shit. You don't look a day over 12.

#94

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I'll do anything.

#95

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I was looking out for my younger brother.

#96

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I was keeping him out of trouble.

#97

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I got Frankie a job, and he loved it.

#98

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That was a shit job.

#99

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I was mopping up puke. I was busing tables and washing dishes.

#100

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It stunk.

#101

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But at least I had that sweet music to keep me going.

#102

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So far, so good

#103

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And then, one night, I heard the voice of an angel.

#104

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No, not her.

#105

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So far, so good

#106

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So far, so good

#107

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Keep going.

#108

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I thought by now you would be long gone

#109

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That's her.

#110

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So far, so good

#111

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Boy, she was the cat's meow.

#112

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That was...

#113

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Shadynasty.

#114

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- Gotta stop ya. - Good time to stop.

#115

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Okay. So...

#116

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The love of your life was a Black woman named Shadynasty?

#117

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Yeah. So what's wrong with that?

#118

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Well, there's nothing wrong with it.

#119

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- Lots of things. - It's strange, it's strange.

#120

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It's just unexpected. It's just unexpected.

#121

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Yeah. That's right. Shadynasty.

#122

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All right. So, it was late one night,

#124

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I was cleaning up, doing my usual routine.

#125

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Are you out of your goddamn mind?

#126

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I saw you with her!

#127

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Bitch, if I wanna be with another woman, I'll be with another woman!

#128

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Hey, hey, hey, relax.

#129

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Relax! Be cool, daddy-o! Be cool.

#130

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- Gino, get this bitch out of my sight! - You just be cool, man.

#131

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- Don't blow your top! - Breaking my dishes. Bitch, goddamn!

#132

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Hey! Frankie here is gonna take you home, and I'm gonna talk to Reggie.

#133

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He old enough to drive?

#134

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Sure.

#135

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For a while, we drove in silence,

#137

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until I finally got the nerve to speak to her.

#138

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You got a huge set on you.

#139

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Excuse me?

#140

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Pipes. You got a great voice.

#141

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Oh. Thank you.

#142

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You like Black music?

#143

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Do I?

#144

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I'm gonna open a jazz joint of my own someday.

#145

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An integrated place where Blacks and Whites can get along.

#146

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No Orientals though.

#147

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You gotta have a dream, I guess.

#148

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And you're gonna be my star attraction.

#149

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Child, I ain't nothing but a backup singer.

#150

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Oh, no. You're the real, true star, Shadynasty.

#151

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You just need a sky to shine in.

#152

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If I didn't know better, I'd think you were flirting with me.

#153

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White man! Get down!

#154

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Whoa. Why were you shoving her head down?

#155

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You did not want to be caught out in the street in those days with a Negress.

#156

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- They'd tear you apart. - "Negress"?

#157

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- What? - Whatever the proper word was.

#158

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- Well it's not that it's a different word. - It wasn't that.

#159

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We're talking '60s terms.

#160

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- Okay. Okay, you used those terms. - Okay. All right.

#161

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- You shouldn't have. You shouldn't have. - All right. Did you open the club or what?

#162

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You bet your ass I did.

#163

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- With hard work and perseverance. - Bullshit!

#164

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We opened the club with my gambling money!

#165

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And that's when we became business partners.

#166

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The point is, we opened the club,

#167

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and we named it after our star attraction.

#168

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"Shady-nasty's?"

#169

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Shadynasty's, asshole.

#170

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Whatever.

#171

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He's out of here.

#172

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Is that how you spell it?

#173

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So business was booming.

#174

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Like fire needs the air to breathe

#175

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Shadynasty was a star.

#176

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Desire's coming over me

#177

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I wanna please you, babe

#178

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And every night it seemed like she was singing to me.

#179

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Sometimes it gets me

#180

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'Cause she was.

#181

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Frankie's dreams were coming true.

#182

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Mmm.

#183

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But sometimes dreams come at a price.

#184

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Well, well, well!

#185

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Ain't this some shit.

#186

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Hi, Reggie. How you doing?

#187

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Not good, Frankie.

#188

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No?

#189

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I gave you everything.

#190

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Then you go and take my best bitch.

#191

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I'm not anyone's bitch.

#192

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I left you, Reggie.

#193

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I'm with Frank now.

#194

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Oh, you with her now, huh?

#195

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Yeah.

#196

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I guess that don't leave me with no choice...

#197

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...but to be a mature-ass adult about this shit.

#198

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I'm working on my temper.

#199

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But know that I strongly disagree with this!

#200

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She's your problem now.

#201

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Good luck, Frankie.

#202

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Gino, what are you doing?

#203

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I'm saving your life. Run, Frankie.

#204

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Don't. No, don't!

#205

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The police carted off me and Reggie.

#206

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I got two years in the slammer, and Reggie got six.

#207

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Wait. Why... Why did Reggie get more years than you?

#208

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You beat the man half to death.

#209

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- He was Black. - Those were the days.

#210

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Well, you sound like you yearn for those days, Frank.

#211

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No. I'm just saying, those were the days.

#212

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- Huh. - Mmm-hmm.

#213

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- Okay. - Anyway, by the time

#214

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I got out of prison,

#215

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the '70s had arrived.

#216

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I was searching for someone to love me

#217

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Hold me close and put no one above me

#218

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Ah, bro, so good to have you back.

#219

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My brother!

#220

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I missed you, Frankie!

#221

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I really missed you.

#222

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I tell ya, I missed... What the shit is that?

#223

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Uh... A little bump of coke.

#224

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Since when do you do drugs?

#225

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Prison. It's the '70s, Frank.

#226

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Everybody does drugs!

#227

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No, no. Gino, Gino, Gino. Gino.

#228

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Not... Not in my club. No, no, no.

#229

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No, drugs are trouble. I don't want no trouble.

#230

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Relax. I got a gun for protection.

#231

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Whoa! Where'd... What are you doing with that gun?

#232

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You take a gun out?

#233

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No drugs, no guns...

#234

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- No trouble. - Hey, I could eat.

#235

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- Give me something. - Help yourself.

#236

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Make a sandwich in your mouth. It tastes really good.

#237

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I know how to do it. I'm the one who taught you to do it!

#238

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- Oh, God. This is insufferable. - Oh, my...

#239

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Please, just continue.

#240

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I just wanted to make an honest woman of Shadynasty.

#241

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Settle down, start a life together.

#242

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I was building up the nerve to ask her.

#243

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I want those peas. Let me see that. Okay. All right.

#244

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While I was busting my ass running the club,

#245

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saving money wherever I could,

#246

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Gino was just having one big party.

#247

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No, no! I never danced with no guys!

#248

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Maybe you did, maybe you didn't.

#249

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No! No, no, no, no, no!

#250

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I'm gonna tell you how it went.

#251

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First off,

#252

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I was banging babes left and right, left and right.

#253

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Oh! Oh!

#254

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But my past came back to bite me.

#255

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Get lost, bimbo.

#256

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Gino.

#257

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Reggie, you're out of prison.

#258

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It ain't Reggie no more.

#259

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It's Hakim Mohamed.

#260

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What's with the getup?

#261

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Prison changed me.

#262

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I'm a Black Panther now.

#263

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We strong Black men, and we don't take kindly

#264

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to you slinging dope in our hood, you dig?

#265

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Are you threatening me?

#266

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You bet your ass I am.

#267

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But maybe this will change your mind.

#268

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Ah, shit!

#269

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It's a goddamn petition! What the hell?

#270

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- I thought he was pulling a gun! - All right.

#271

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I'm gonna take care of this, Frankie. You got to disappear for a while.

#272

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Disappear? Where am I gonna disappear to?

#273

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We're gonna get you to South America. I got connections.

#274

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- South America? - What about Shadynasty?

#275

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I'm gonna look after Shadynasty.

#276

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- Frankie! - Shadynasty!

#277

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- Frankie! - No! Shadynasty!

#278

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That's when I started my new life.

#279

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Colombia.

#280

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What a dump.

#281

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Gino scored me a job, all right.

#282

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I was quality control for his Colombian cocaine connection.

#283

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I'd become everything I hated.

#284

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The only thing that kept me going

#285

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was writing letters to Shadynasty.

#286

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I wrote her every night.

#287

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But I never heard back.

#288

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Shadynasty!

#289

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I occupied my mind,

#290

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immersing myself in the culture,

#291

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taking in the cuisine,

#292

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but mostly doing cocaine.

#293

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Ah!

#294

⇓

Ah-yow!

#295

⇓

That part was a blast actually.

#296

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Weeks turned into months,

#297

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and months turned into years.

#298

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But I had to wean myself off.

#299

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I was living life...

#300

⇓

- Oh! Oh, papi. - ... just going through the motions.

#301

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I knew I had to get back home.

#302

⇓

Back to Shadynasty. Yes!

#303

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GINO You shouldn't be calling. It's too risky.

#304

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The little birdie wants to fly back to the cage.

#305

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Uh, it's too close to the stove.

#306

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There's too much heat.

#307

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The little birdie can stand the heat.

#308

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He wants to migrate home.

#309

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The little birdie can't come home on account of the attempted murder!

#310

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Why'd you say that, Gino?

#311

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Ah! You used my name. I'm gonna hang up now!

#312

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And don't come home, Frankie.

#313

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Now you used my name!

#314

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Please don't talk...

#315

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I had to get back,

#316

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so I snuck into the States.

#317

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And what I saw when I got home made me sick.

#318

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The plans we had for fixin'...

#319

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What was once a clean, respectable jazz club

#320

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had turned into a drug-filled disco shithole.

#321

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Action I want to live

#322

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And that's when I saw my brother...

#323

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I want to give it

#324

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I want to get some too

#325

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...with Shadynasty.

#326

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Oh-oh-oh-oh, I

#327

⇓

I love the nightlife I've got to boogie

#328

⇓

On the disco 'round

#329

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Oh, yeah

#330

⇓

Oh, I love the nightlife

#331

⇓

I'm sorry to bust up your party!

#332

⇓

What?

#333

⇓

I said I'm sorry to bust up your party!

#334

⇓

What are you doing here?

#335

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I was homesick!

#336

⇓

But now I'm just regular sick.

#337

⇓

Why?

#338

⇓

You were gone!

#339

⇓

- He was here! - Huh? Huh? What?

#340

⇓

She said that you were gone,

#341

⇓

and I was here!

#342

⇓

Oh, to get you hooked on drugs?

#343

⇓

Shadynasty, you have a choice!

#344

⇓

You can live a life with me,

#345

⇓

or you can live a life with him...

#346

⇓

and with drugs.

#347

⇓

What's it gonna be?

#348

⇓

Drugs.

#349

⇓

- Huh? - I choose drugs!

#350

⇓

- Drugs? - Drugs!

#351

⇓

She said drugs!

#352

⇓

You know,

#353

⇓

it's the way things go in the world.

#354

⇓

- You understand. - You son of a bitch!

#355

⇓

- Frankie, no... - You son of a bitch!

#356

⇓

You... You...

#357

⇓

You bald son of a bitch!

#358

⇓

I was bald before you were bald!

#359

⇓

You son of a bitch!

#360

⇓

- Break it up. Break it up. - You could have had any girl you wanted.

#361

⇓

She was my one and only. You stole her from me.

#362

⇓

You're stealing her from me.

#363

⇓

I found the new love letters you've been writing to her, Frankie.

#364

⇓

Talking about meeting up again and running away.

#365

⇓

What are you talking about?

#366

⇓

I haven't written to her in years.

#367

⇓

Bullshit! They're all signed, "Love, your one and only."

#368

⇓

I should have destroyed these, like I destroyed the letters from Colombia.

#369

⇓

What?

#370

⇓

You destroyed the letters I wrote to Shadynasty?

#371

⇓

I intercepted and I read every one of them.

#372

⇓

They were poetry.

#373

⇓

Each one was more beautiful than the last.

#374

⇓

Too beautiful though.

#375

⇓

I couldn't let Shadynasty read them...

#376

⇓

not if she was gonna stay with me.

#377

⇓

But these letters...

#378

⇓

these are smut.

#379

⇓

"I want to be in you.

#380

⇓

My dick is a raging bull for you."

#381

⇓

And this one here...

#382

⇓

"Meet me at the airport, Friday, at 5:00, Terminal 'C.'

#383

⇓

Love, your one and only."

#384

⇓

You are trying to steal her from me, Frankie, and I ain't gonna let you!

#385

⇓

Gino, Gino.

#386

⇓

That's not me.

#387

⇓

- I'm telling you, I never wrote those. - What?

#388

⇓

Dude, I just... I'm putting something together here.

#389

⇓

She's at the airport right now meeting some dude.

#390

⇓

So, like, if you want to try and get her back, you gotta move.

#391

⇓

Guys, it's almost 5:00.

#392

⇓

Now, I'd like to see this whole story play out.

#393

⇓

It's appealing to the romantic in me. I feel like I want to see it.

#394

⇓

- Come on, man. - Let's go to the airport!

#395

⇓

- Let's move. - Let's go!

#396

⇓

This is the gate.

#397

⇓

I don't see a Black woman anywhere.

#398

⇓

No. I mean, there's her, but...

#399

⇓

- That's her! - What?

#400

⇓

Really? That is not at all what I was picturing.

#401

⇓

- No. - No, right?

#402

⇓

Shadynasty.

#403

⇓

Frankie! Oh, my word!

#404

⇓

Oh! You're still as beautiful as ever.

#405

⇓

What are you doing here?

#406

⇓

Oh, you know, I wrote to you every single day from South America.

#407

⇓

I mean, I really feel like we could still be together.

#408

⇓

There's still a chance for us.

#409

⇓

Shadynasty, I'm sorry for whatever I did.

#410

⇓

Please, don't go.

#411

⇓

Don't choose Gino. Choose me.

#412

⇓

No, no, no. You choose me. I have loved you all my life.

#413

⇓

No, pick me. Our love was strong when we were together.

#414

⇓

- No. Pick me! Pick me, pick me. - Pick me, Shadynasty.

#415

⇓

I'm sorry, but I pick him.

#416

⇓

Ain't this some shit!

#417

⇓

- Reggie. - Reggie?

#418

⇓

Whoa! Everyone's a lot fatter than I was expecting them to be.

#419

⇓

Last time I saw you, Frankie, you had me sent to jail.

#420

⇓

But I forgive you. That's all in the past.

#421

⇓

Reggie is your one and only, huh?

#422

⇓

He was all along.

#423

⇓

But because of you two, he was always in jail.

#424

⇓

I could never be with him.

#425

⇓

Excuse me. Mr. Mohamed?

#426

⇓

- Yeah? - Your name came up on a no-fly list.

#427

⇓

I need you to come with us.

#428

⇓

Oh, hell, no. I'm supposed to be getting on this flight!

#429

⇓

- Sir, please cooperate. - Listen,

#430

⇓

I'm getting on that plane with Shadynasty.

#431

⇓

That's it. Let's take him down.

#432

⇓

Wait! Oh, hell, no!

#433

⇓

Times have changed! It can't still be like this!

#434

⇓

Leave him be! Reggie!

#435

⇓

No!

#436

⇓

- Did you call that in? - Nah, that just happened.

#437

⇓

Guess times kind of haven't changed much, huh?

#438

⇓

If I'm being honest, she looked like shit.

#439

⇓

- Mmm. - Yeah.

#440

⇓

- She did not age well at all. - No.

#441

⇓

- Did she ever look good? - She was never attractive.

#442

⇓

I guess Black can crack.

#443

⇓

That's still... Still kind of racist.

#444

⇓

- Yeah, that's racist. - Is anybody hungry?

#445

⇓

- Yeah, I'm hungry. - I'm starving.

#446

⇓

- Let's go eat. - I gotta eat something.

#447

⇓

Hey, did Frankie ever tell you about the time

#448

⇓

that I threw him off the John Wanamaker Building?

#449

⇓

- You son of a bitch. - He's told us about that.

#450

⇓

- He told us. - Yeah. I can't... I can't listen

#451

⇓

- to another goddamn story. - I don't wanna hear that story.

#452

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