Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S07E04 — Sweet Dee Gets Audited

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 7, Episode 4 — Sweet Dee Gets Audited

Hey, guys, why are the urinals filled with rocks?

#1

⇓

Oh, 'cause I put a bunch of rocks in them.

#2

⇓

Oh. Okay, why?

#3

⇓

Well, you know how they were broken, so I was, like, filling them with ice?

#4

⇓

Now the ice machine's broken, so I'm just filling 'em up with rocks.

#5

⇓

You know that doesn't make any sense, right?

#6

⇓

Replacing the ice with rocks?

#7

⇓

The ice actually served a purpose, Cha...

#8

⇓

Oh! Oh, God!

#9

⇓

Oh, something just dripped in my mouth!

#10

⇓

Yeah. Ceiling is leaking.

#11

⇓

Oh, that's gross. What'd it taste like?

#12

⇓

Dude, what the hell?

#14

⇓

You have been docking our paychecks lately

#15

⇓

so that you could pay for shit like this around the bar.

#16

⇓

- Why is nothing fixed? - Yeah, by the way,

#17

⇓

I never agreed to let you dock my paycheck.

#18

⇓

It costs money to run this place

#20

⇓

and keep it neat.

#21

⇓

Hey, oh!

#22

⇓

What's up, bitches?

#23

⇓

What the shit is this?

#24

⇓

New scooter. My surrogate money came in.

#25

⇓

Thirty Gs, babies.

#26

⇓

Whoa! Hey, Mac makes a really good point.

#29

⇓

Yeah, we worked our asses off on that baby scheme of yours.

#30

⇓

Give us part of the money that you made.

#31

⇓

You did nothing for nine months.

#33

⇓

Get out! You couldn't have pulled something like that off without us.

#34

⇓

Yeah, they drove you to the hospital, they picked you up

#35

⇓

I was there, I recall.

#36

⇓

Okay, I made all the contacts. I pushed that little monkey out,

#37

⇓

and getting tax breaks for the next 18 years.

#39

⇓

So you talk about a scheme? How's that for a long-term scheme, bitches?

#40

⇓

Uh, you guys all better eat a dick,

#41

⇓

'cause Sweet Dee beat the system.

#42

⇓

Ooh! No, no, no. Lady, sorry.

#43

⇓

Get out.

#44

⇓

Whatever god you're selling, I ain't buying it.

#45

⇓

Oh. Miss Reynolds, I'm with the IRS.

#46

⇓

Have you not received any of our letters?

#48

⇓

Letters? What is it, 1986?

#49

⇓

I don't do letters, lady. I'm all digital.

#50

⇓

Well, if you had opened up the letters,

#51

⇓

you would understand that you're being audited.

#52

⇓

Audited? Why? What are you talking about?

#53

⇓

I'm not scamming the government, if that's what you're saying.

#54

⇓

Your license plate says, "Scammin'."

#55

⇓

Uh, no.

#56

⇓

What do you mean, no?

#57

⇓

Yes.

#58

⇓

Okay. I want to talk to you about this dependent that you're claiming

#59

⇓

this, uh, Barnabas Reynolds.

#60

⇓

Yes, I would love that.

#61

⇓

I would love that because...

#62

⇓

...I love to talk about little Barney. I do.

#63

⇓

But now's not a great time. You know what I mean?

#64

⇓

Because I, I left him in the car

#65

⇓

with the window down, of course.

#66

⇓

It's hot. It's hot, isn't it?

#67

⇓

Well, is there a better time?

#68

⇓

Would 3:00 work?

#69

⇓

3:00 sounds great.

#70

⇓

I can't wait for 3:00.

#71

⇓

Hey, Frank.

#72

⇓

- We need to talk. - We don't want you making

#73

⇓

any major bar decisions alone anymore,

#74

⇓

because you're sleazy and we don't trust you.

#75

⇓

Yeah, we want to vote on things now, okay? We want a democracy.

#76

⇓

Well, that ain't gonna work.

#77

⇓

Because you guys get really emotional about everything.

#78

⇓

You'll start arguing about shit, and nothing will get done.

#79

⇓

We know we're emotional people, and we've discussed that.

#80

⇓

We think we have a solution.

#81

⇓

We're going to have a daily meeting

#82

⇓

where we will discuss all bar matters.

#83

⇓

Emotion will be suppressed, and reason will prevail.

#84

⇓

Reason will prevail!

#85

⇓

Oh, yeah, we decided also that we would say "Reason will prevail,"

#86

⇓

- every time someone says... - Reason will prevail!

#87

⇓

You don't have to say it right now

#88

⇓

because I'm just explaining to Frank that reason will prevail.

#89

⇓

Reason will prevail!

#90

⇓

Again, you don't have to say it right now. I'm just explaining...

#91

⇓

If we're going to say it, we're gonna say it every time.

#92

⇓

Hold it, hold it.

#93

⇓

Okay. Okay, I'll tell you what. I like this.

#94

⇓

- You do? - Yeah.

#95

⇓

We should definitely do this,

#96

⇓

to make everything fair, everything aboveboard.

#97

⇓

Let's go do it in there. Come on.

#98

⇓

The first meeting of Paddy's congress

#99

⇓

shall commence henceforth.

#100

⇓

- Oh, first order of business. - Yeah?

#101

⇓

Let's talk about how Frank handles the money.

#102

⇓

- Yes. - Money, money, money, money, money, money.

#103

⇓

Oh, whoa, whoa. I know we gotta talk about the money,

#104

⇓

but there are other issues that are pressing too.

#105

⇓

- Like what, dude? - Like one

#106

⇓

that comes to mind is the dead dog.

#107

⇓

What dead dog?

#108

⇓

The dead dog in the alley. It's been there for about a week.

#109

⇓

Yeah, and we decided that Charlie was gonna throw it in the trash.

#110

⇓

No, you decided that. We never got a vote.

#111

⇓

If Mac and I got to vote on that,

#112

⇓

we would have voted to, like, you know, have a proper dog burial.

#113

⇓

That's a waste of time and resources.

#114

⇓

I think the guys should have an opportunity to state their case

#117

⇓

in a rational and unemotional way.

#118

⇓

- Yeah, all right. No problem. - Okay.

#121

⇓

Uh, okay.

#122

⇓

Sometimes dogs die.

#123

⇓

Right! Um...

#124

⇓

die from cars sometimes, sometimes not.

#126

⇓

There's also disease.

#127

⇓

There's also disease in America

#128

⇓

and abroad.

#129

⇓

Many dogs...

#130

⇓

God damn it!

#131

⇓

I don't know how to express myself,

#132

⇓

unless through anger and personal attack!

#133

⇓

I'm getting upset because I'm not saying it right!

#134

⇓

Okay. All right, guys.

#135

⇓

- I want a dog funeral! - Guys, calm down.

#136

⇓

I'm going to step in here,

#137

⇓

and I'm gonna speak for you for a moment, if I may.

#138

⇓

I don't think it's a good idea for us to spend all of our hard-earned cash

#139

⇓

of what amounts to an animal carcass,

#141

⇓

an animal that we never knew...

#142

⇓

or had a relationship with.

#143

⇓

I'm gonna go ahead and say that I think we should just throw it in a dumpster.

#144

⇓

- Come on! No. - But, but, but,

#145

⇓

we'll have a candle on site. We'll light it.

#146

⇓

We'll have a boom box there, and you guys can say a few words.

#147

⇓

Huh.

#148

⇓

- I don't love it. - Me neither.

#149

⇓

But that dog is turning into hot soup out there in the sun.

#150

⇓

Okay.

#151

⇓

- Frank? - Fine.

#152

⇓

- Okay! - Hey! It works.

#153

⇓

See, Frank? We can get through these issues and be unemotional about it.

#154

⇓

That's one issue off the docket right there. Next issue,

#155

⇓

- let's talk about the money. - Money!

#156

⇓

Oh, yes, we're gonna talk about the money,

#157

⇓

but we have a list of things on the docket here that we gotta check off,

#158

⇓

and if we're gonna do it right, we're gonna do it right.

#159

⇓

And the next thing on the list is limes and how we slice them.

#160

⇓

Thick or thin?

#161

⇓

- Okay. Let's talk about the limes, guys. - We'll keep emotion out of it.

#162

⇓

- Reason will prevail. - Reason will prevail.

#163

⇓

Okay. I think the limes should be cut a bit thinner.

#164

⇓

What the hell? Thin limes?

#165

⇓

People will choke! People will die!

#166

⇓

- Calm down. - Charlie, Charlie, take emotion out of it.

#167

⇓

Charlie's got a point!

#168

⇓

One of the cornerstones of Paddy's Pub is thick limes.

#169

⇓

Yeah! Don't tell me...

#170

⇓

I'm gonna put my thumb through your eye, you little bitch!

#171

⇓

No, no, no. Shh. Stay calm, stay,

#172

⇓

hey, hey, hey, look at me. Look at me, eh?

#173

⇓

Stay calm with me, okay? Be unemotional.

#174

⇓

- Okay. - Let's, let's be democratic.

#175

⇓

- Let's put this thing to a vote. - A vote?

#176

⇓

A vote solves everything in a democracy, does it not?

#177

⇓

- Yes. - So,

#178

⇓

all for thinner limes, raise your hands.

#179

⇓

And all for thicker limes, raise your hands.

#180

⇓

Now there you go. That's a democracy in action.

#181

⇓

That's two votes against two votes.

#182

⇓

A perfect example of when democracy has failed.

#183

⇓

Good news, Dee!

#184

⇓

We have decided to occasionally let you vote

#185

⇓

on some pressing matters in the bar, as we see fit.

#186

⇓

- What? - Where do you land

#187

⇓

on thick limes or thin limes?

#188

⇓

And try and keep your emotions out of it,

#189

⇓

even though people could choke and die.

#190

⇓

What are you talking about?

#191

⇓

What's, what's going on in here?

#192

⇓

- Are you having another baby? - No! No.

#193

⇓

It's fine, okay? I have it all under control.

#194

⇓

I'm just... I'm getting audited.

#195

⇓

Audited? Oh, she's screwed.

#196

⇓

- That's a tax thing? - I'm not screwed.

#197

⇓

I've got it all under control. I've got a handle on it.

#198

⇓

I just gotta find a baby by 3:00 in the afternoon.

#199

⇓

- Just get out. Just get out now. - Hmm!

#200

⇓

A vote for thin limes would get me out of your apartment.

#201

⇓

Better yet, a vote for thick limes

#202

⇓

I'll throw myself full force into this little baby caper of yours.

#203

⇓

- I don't need your help. - Look, Dee,

#204

⇓

you need our help.

#205

⇓

We need your help. Let's work something out here.

#206

⇓

I don't know which stance you're gonna do,

#207

⇓

- and I wanna do it. - Stop standing like me.

#208

⇓

Okay, yeah. Let's help each other out, okay? I got an idea.

#209

⇓

You guys go magically find me a baby by 3:00 in the afternoon,

#210

⇓

and then I'll, I'll help you out with your lime problem.

#211

⇓

- Okay. - Yeah.

#212

⇓

What?

#213

⇓

- We can get you a baby. - Yeah, you want a baby,

#214

⇓

we'll get you a baby. No magic required.

#215

⇓

How many babies you need?

#216

⇓

- Just the one baby. - How long? Couple hours?

#217

⇓

- 3:00 this afternoon. - No, no. How long you need it for?

#218

⇓

You want it for life or you...

#219

⇓

- No, no. Just a short-time baby. - Just a short-time baby.

#220

⇓

Just a short-time baby.

#221

⇓

- Easy. - Oh, my God, you guys,

#222

⇓

this is so exciting.

#223

⇓

Oh, this is amazing. You have no idea how much you're helping me.

#224

⇓

Okay, let's see. Um,

#225

⇓

all right, I tell you what.

#226

⇓

Here's how to handle your lime situation.

#227

⇓

It has been decided.

#228

⇓

We are now the pickle party

#229

⇓

And Dee has joined us.

#230

⇓

We are going to vote for pickles in the bar instead of limes.

#231

⇓

What are you talking about?

#232

⇓

It doesn't matter. The point is,

#233

⇓

our three votes will always beat your two.

#234

⇓

We win, dude. We're the winners, okay? Give me a beer with a pickle in it.

#235

⇓

Well, what happens when you three disagree with each other?

#236

⇓

We're not going to disagree. That is the point of the pickle party.

#237

⇓

We're very aligned on these issues.

#238

⇓

Charlie, you can't just start your own party.

#239

⇓

- You got to talk to people... - Yes, you can.

#240

⇓

If you're not as educated or as informed,

#241

⇓

what you do is you start your own party and you yell the loudest.

#242

⇓

Okay. We want attention!

#243

⇓

Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah, sure.

#244

⇓

No, you're the pickle party. Great.

#245

⇓

Okay, so let's just accept that and move on.

#246

⇓

Yes, Frank, move on.

#247

⇓

Reason will prevail.

#248

⇓

Pickles will prevail!

#249

⇓

Okay, well, the next issue on our list

#250

⇓

should be a pretty easy one for the pickle party to agree on.

#251

⇓

"A crucifix in the bar."

#252

⇓

Ah! You are right. This is an easy one.

#253

⇓

Why wouldn't we have a crucifix in the bar?

#254

⇓

'Cause we're a bar.

#255

⇓

Right, but we're an Irish Catholic bar.

#256

⇓

We're an Irish bar.

#257

⇓

Yeah, Irish Catholic bar, and therefore a

#258

⇓

giant wooden crucifix

#259

⇓

- is a celebration of our heritage. - Giant?

#260

⇓

- Yeah. - How big of a crucifix do you want?

#261

⇓

Big.

#262

⇓

It should be the centerpiece of the whole room.

#263

⇓

I mean, it should dominate every conversation.

#264

⇓

That's gonna be terrifying.

#265

⇓

It should be terrifying.

#266

⇓

That's how you know God loves you, Charlie.

#267

⇓

I don't want a giant, bloody man

#268

⇓

in the bar scaring the customers, and most importantly, me!

#269

⇓

- You see that, Frank? - I saw it.

#270

⇓

I just played them like a fiddle.

#271

⇓

A goddamn fiddle.

#272

⇓

What do you want?

#273

⇓

I want in on the action.

#274

⇓

Whatever it is that you got going on around here, I want a piece of it.

#275

⇓

Okay? You see, Frank,

#276

⇓

you might not know this, but you need me.

#277

⇓

People don't trust you, Frank.

#278

⇓

You're a piece of shit.

#279

⇓

And you're ugly and you ooze sleaze and you're very, very ugly.

#280

⇓

All right, I'm gonna make you my puppet.

#281

⇓

- Right here. - Puppet.

#282

⇓

Look, I've been cooking the books in the bar for years.

#283

⇓

- I freaking knew it. - All kinds of avenues

#284

⇓

and shell corporations.

#285

⇓

It's all fake, and it's all in here.

#286

⇓

- Oh. Let me see. - Check it out. Right there.

#287

⇓

Oh, man. Holy shit.

#288

⇓

What? What is this one? "Wolf Cola"?

#289

⇓

- Wolf Cola. - Mmm-hmm.

#290

⇓

That's a bogus soda distributor. I made it up.

#291

⇓

Yeah, it's fake!

#292

⇓

Look. The whole idea is, the more corporations

#293

⇓

that you can plant offshore...

#294

⇓

- Right. - The more money you can rake in.

#295

⇓

Da, da, da! I don't care about any of these details,

#296

⇓

but I like these figures I'm seeing. All right.

#297

⇓

I'll be the puppet and do my dance,

#298

⇓

and you can keep the goddamn details to yourself.

#299

⇓

Uh!

#300

⇓

I don't think I hear any arguing out there.

#301

⇓

So we can have the crucifix,

#302

⇓

but it needs to be in the back of the bar.

#303

⇓

See, I can live with that.

#304

⇓

That's a compromise right there, man.

#305

⇓

All right!

#306

⇓

Pickle party compromise!

#307

⇓

Huh, huh, huh! Tasteful crucifix party.

#308

⇓

Hey, hey, hey! All right!

#309

⇓

Sounds like you guys came to a compromise.

#310

⇓

That's great. We cross the crucifix issue off the list.

#311

⇓

One quick question before I do though.

#312

⇓

How bloody is this guy gonna be?

#313

⇓

- Not bloody at all. - Very bloody.

#314

⇓

- What? - No. He's gotta be drenched in blood.

#315

⇓

I mean, covered in blood.

#316

⇓

Why?

#317

⇓

Well, that's the whole point.

#318

⇓

- You need to see the wounds of Christ. - Oh, my God, dude.

#319

⇓

It's bad enough I'm gonna let you put

#320

⇓

the stupid cross up in the first place.

#321

⇓

Stupid cross? You son of a bitch, I knew it! I knew it!

#322

⇓

- It's a massacre! - I don't want to look at a massacre!

#323

⇓

So, according to our records,

#324

⇓

you are claiming a dependent for which you have no official documentation.

#325

⇓

Yes?

#326

⇓

Mmm.

#327

⇓

Are you okay? You're sweating profusely.

#328

⇓

Oh, no. Yes. Yes.

#329

⇓

I, um I'm just very worried.

#330

⇓

You know, the babysitters

#331

⇓

were supposed to bring the baby back by 3:00, and...

#332

⇓

Where are you? Where are you guys?

#333

⇓

I understand.

#334

⇓

Crying baby! Crying baby here!

#335

⇓

There's my sweet baby. Excuse me, won't you?

#336

⇓

Come on. Let's go.

#337

⇓

You guys! You've got a baby. Where did you find a baby?

#338

⇓

Oh, you guys, I love you so much. Where did you...

#339

⇓

Okay, Dee, which crucifix do you find more tasteful?

#340

⇓

Are out of your goddamn minds? What is this? Where's the baby?

#341

⇓

Do you wanna add kidnapping

#342

⇓

on top of all the other shit you got going on right now?

#343

⇓

We had a plan. We had a plan.

#344

⇓

She's totally buying it, okay? Come on. Make a decision.

#345

⇓

Yeah, but for how long? She could be out there for hours,

#346

⇓

and I have to produce a real baby!

#347

⇓

Stop thinking about your problems,

#348

⇓

and start thinking about our problems.

#349

⇓

You know, calm, calm down. Calm down.

#350

⇓

- You are so emotional right now. - And so wet too.

#351

⇓

Oh, my God, I'm gonna kill you.

#352

⇓

Okay, just shut up for a second. Let me think.

#353

⇓

All right, yes. Go to the bar.

#354

⇓

That'll get me out of here and buy me some time

#355

⇓

to get this bitch off my balls.

#356

⇓

Bye!

#357

⇓

Very, very sick baby. Very sick baby!

#358

⇓

It's so sad when they don't feel well, isn't it?

#359

⇓

Lock up, won't you, on your way out?

#360

⇓

And let's definitely reschedule.

#361

⇓

Let's do. Shh!

#362

⇓

Hey, yeah, so I was thinking about my title.

#363

⇓

Because I think it should be vice president of worldwide distribution.

#364

⇓

But you don't need a title. What I need you to do

#365

⇓

for the next three weeks is to deflect Mac and Charlie.

#366

⇓

That's easy. I can do that, Frank. That's what I'm good at.

#367

⇓

- Good, good, good. - But I am gonna need a business card,

#368

⇓

'cause I want to be able to hand that shit to people,

#369

⇓

so they know that I am in a place of power.

#370

⇓

It's not important.

#371

⇓

It's important to me, Frank!

#372

⇓

And I know that what's important to you is money and power,

#373

⇓

but I don't want real power, because with real power comes real responsibility,

#374

⇓

and I don't want any of that shit.

#375

⇓

I just want the money and the illusion of power.

#376

⇓

And puss.

#377

⇓

- What? - Hell, I don't know, Frank.

#378

⇓

- Yeah? - I don't know, man.

#379

⇓

What? Tell me. Tell me.

#380

⇓

I need something.

#381

⇓

I mean, I got this, uh...

#382

⇓

this giant gaping hole inside me.

#383

⇓

- Oh. - And I'm...

#384

⇓

I'm always trying to fill it. With something.

#385

⇓

I like to call it my, uh, my God hole.

#386

⇓

- Oh. - And I think a lot of people

#387

⇓

in this world, they, they fill it with religion.

#388

⇓

But I don't believe in God.

#389

⇓

But you want to fill it with pussy.

#390

⇓

Yeah.

#391

⇓

- Yo! - Hey, Dennis and Frank, you here?

#392

⇓

Yeah, oh, oh! Good.

#393

⇓

Guys, we gotta help Dee with her tax audit situation.

#394

⇓

So, Dennis, please, if you could take the floor.

#395

⇓

Wait, wait. What tax audit situation?

#396

⇓

Oh, right. Okay, so Dee's baby scheme blew up in her face,

#397

⇓

and now she's getting audited.

#398

⇓

Deandra, did you tell the IRS you work here?

#399

⇓

Of course I did.

#400

⇓

We can't have the IRS looking around our books.

#401

⇓

Why? What's wrong with our books?

#402

⇓

Let me step in here. Um, I think what you're trying to say

#403

⇓

is that the IRS poking around our bar business is no good for anyone.

#404

⇓

Look, it's gonna be best for all of us...

#405

⇓

to get the IRS off of Dee's back.

#406

⇓

- Okay. - So,

#407

⇓

as the only rational and emotionless person here,

#408

⇓

I'm gonna tell you guys what we need to do.

#409

⇓

See, you've all been trying to convince the IRS that Dee's baby is alive.

#410

⇓

What you really need to be doing

#411

⇓

is convincing the IRS that Dee's baby

#412

⇓

is dead.

#413

⇓

This is dark.

#414

⇓

- Darkest thing we've ever done. - Mmm-hmm.

#415

⇓

Uh, hello.

#416

⇓

- I'm looking for Dee Reynolds. - Yes.

#417

⇓

Won't you have a seat please?

#418

⇓

What's going on?

#419

⇓

- Baby croaked. - Oh, uh, yes.

#420

⇓

Oh, oh, my God.

#421

⇓

- This is insane, right? - Mmm-hmm.

#422

⇓

I mean, this definitely feels

#423

⇓

- like emotion trumping reason, correct? - Yep.

#424

⇓

Also, dude, I'm sorry,

#425

⇓

but is this the size you had in mind?

#426

⇓

Yes.

#427

⇓

- It's too big. - It's not too big.

#428

⇓

You should just be happy I didn't spray it down yet.

#429

⇓

No. You're not getting any more blood. That's it.

#430

⇓

"He was my sweet angel."

#431

⇓

All right, Dee, here we go. It's showtime. Are you ready?

#432

⇓

- Okay. I have a couple of questions. - Yup.

#433

⇓

I'm getting nervous, Dennis, 'cause I don't think

#434

⇓

I can do the speech that you wrote.

#435

⇓

Let me hear some of it.

#436

⇓

And this is the thing. I can't--I can't cry on command.

#437

⇓

Jesus Christ, Dee.

#438

⇓

I mean, how are you planning on becoming an actress at all?

#439

⇓

You can't make people laugh, 'cause you're not funny.

#440

⇓

You can't cry on command. What can you do?

#441

⇓

- I can try harder, but it's just that... - All right, well,

#442

⇓

the good news is I anticipated this so I brought...

#443

⇓

- What's that? - Little bit of chili powder.

#444

⇓

I'm gonna blow this directly into your eyes, and trust me, you'll cry.

#445

⇓

Okay. Wait. Is that safe though? Is this...

#446

⇓

Well, it's you know, it's safe enough. Let's give it a try, huh?

#447

⇓

- Okay. What no, no, no, no, no! - Shh, shh, shh.

#448

⇓

Oh, shit!

#449

⇓

Shh, shh, shh.

#450

⇓

Okay, listen, listen. Save it, save it!

#451

⇓

We're starting. Ready? We're starting, Dee. Break a leg.

#452

⇓

Son of a...

#453

⇓

It's really heavy. What did Frank put in there?

#454

⇓

The urinal rocks.

#455

⇓

- Oh. Coming in handy, huh? - Yeah.

#456

⇓

Oh, this is a very sad day for the...

#457

⇓

- entire Paddy's Pub family. - Mmm-hmm.

#458

⇓

At times like this, I...

#459

⇓

I like to quench my thirst with a delicious Wolf Cola.

#460

⇓

Ah! There's nothing like that...

#461

⇓

to wash away the sorrow.

#462

⇓

Hear, hear.

#463

⇓

That's my bit. Now,

#464

⇓

it's time for the grieving mother.

#465

⇓

Uh, oh.

#466

⇓

Hello, everyone.

#467

⇓

Ah, God.

#468

⇓

Thank you so much for coming.

#469

⇓

It's such a sad day, isn't it?

#470

⇓

Oh, little Barney!

#471

⇓

You were my special angel.

#472

⇓

And only angels can fly. Good God. Sorry.

#473

⇓

Sob. Sob, you bitch.

#474

⇓

Oh, it hurts!

#475

⇓

God, it hurts! The pain inside!

#476

⇓

God, it hurts so bad.

#477

⇓

Okay, that's enough.

#478

⇓

- Oh, my God, I'm sorry. - Okay, Dee.

#479

⇓

I'm sorry, I just...

#480

⇓

- Are my eyes bleeding? - Ahhh!

#481

⇓

- Oh, my God, is there blood? - Okay.

#482

⇓

Is there blood? You son of a bitch!

#483

⇓

Wow! Heavy stuff, guys.

#484

⇓

Heavy stuff. Heavy subject matter.

#485

⇓

Anyway, uh, Barney,

#486

⇓

you died too young

#487

⇓

before you could walk,

#488

⇓

before you could talk,

#489

⇓

and before you had the chance to get together the proper paperwork,

#490

⇓

all that paperwork that you need to prove--

#491

⇓

oh, thank you so much.

#492

⇓

Wolf Cola, everyone.

#493

⇓

It's the right cola for closure.

#494

⇓

Let's talk about closure, 'cause that...

#495

⇓

- Can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah.

#496

⇓

- Dude, something stinks. - I know, I know.

#497

⇓

Have you noticed that all we wanted to do was talk about our money...

#498

⇓

- Right. - ...and then we kept getting pushed

#499

⇓

into talking about other things?

#500

⇓

And then when we'd leave, Frank and Dennis became all buddy buddy?

#501

⇓

Yeah, there were a lot of backroom dealings going on in here, you know?

#502

⇓

What the hell is this?

#503

⇓

"Dennis Reynolds, Executive Vice President

#504

⇓

of Worldwide Distribution, Wolf Cola."

#505

⇓

What the hell, dude?

#506

⇓

Now I'm getting pissed off,

#507

⇓

you know, 'cause I think those two are conspiring against us.

#508

⇓

Let's go out there and expose these sons of bitches for who they are.

#509

⇓

And the most important thing to remember is that this whole thing is over.

#510

⇓

- Right? - Dead.

#511

⇓

Every single person in this room has to move on.

#512

⇓

That's excellent. Excellent, Dennis! Thank you. Thank you.

#513

⇓

Now we would like to pay our respects to the dead baby.

#514

⇓

And in the Christian tradition,

#515

⇓

we're gonna open up the casket to take one last look at his tiny corpse.

#516

⇓

- You don't want to do that. - Don't...

#517

⇓

What is happening?

#518

⇓

This is what you get when you mess with the pickle party.

#519

⇓

Pickle party.

#520

⇓

Prepare for your hearts to turn to stones!

#521

⇓

No, no!

#522

⇓

Ugh!

#523

⇓

What the hell is that?

#524

⇓

It's the dead dog from the alleyway.

#525

⇓

I was compromising.

#526

⇓

I figured we'd give it a proper burial.

#527

⇓

Okay. Well, I'm done here.

#528

⇓

Well, I'll tell you what.

#529

⇓

Dee's definitely going down in this audit.

#530

⇓

I think we're all going down, Charlie.

#531

⇓

Okay, you know what? Here...

#532

⇓

Let's vote on something once and for all.

#533

⇓

Everybody in favor of Frank not making all of the decisions

#534

⇓

in the bar anymore, raise your hands.

#535

⇓

Great, that's settled. Even he's on board. Okay.

#536

⇓

And finally, all in favor

#537

⇓

of going back to the old system of organized chaos,

#538

⇓

where emotion trumps reason every single time

#539

⇓

and we just yell at each other

#540

⇓

to get the shit that we want, raise your hands.

#541

⇓

Fantastic!

#542

⇓

I've got a few things I'd like to yell about now, so we can all start.

#543

⇓

- You opened the casket! - My eyes!

#544

⇓

My eyes!

#545

⇓

I'll take care of you.

#546

⇓

Why are your eyes bleeding?

#547

⇓

Why the hell did you open the casket?

#548

⇓