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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S03E04 — The Gang Gets Held Hostage

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 3, Episode 4 — The Gang Gets Held Hostage

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: The Gang Gets Held Hostage

Air date: September 20, 2007

Director: Fred Savage

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

The McPoyles hold the entire gang hostage at Paddys while Frank is busy searching for his will in the air ducts.

Source: TMDB

↓

FRANK: Gimme the walkie. MAC: I don't get what we're doing.

frank walkie

↓

FRANK: Just gimme the walkie-talkie. - All right.

frank talkie walkie walkie-talkie

↓

Why did you hide your will in the ceiling?

ceiling hide

↓

- I didn't do it. Charlie did it. - Why did he hide it in the ceiling?

ceiling charlie hide

↓

Because I didn't wanna crawl around these goddamn vents.

crawl goddamn vents

↓

- Gimme my gun. - Right. Yeah! (gun cocks)

cocks

↓

You shouldn't carry this anymore. It always gets you into trouble.

anymore carry trouble

↓

Recently, it has occurred to me

occurred recently

↓

that Dennis and Deandra stand to lose a lot of money

deandra dennis lose money stand

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because they're not my kids.

kids

↓

- They're gonna rub me out. - You're being paranoid.

paranoid

↓

Just go to a lawyer and draft up a new will.

draft lawyer

↓

Don't overthink this. Trust me. Give me the damn gun.

overthink trust

↓

Here.

↓

Now, you think you can make sense of Charlie's map?

charlies sense

↓

Because it's dark as a well digger's ass up here.

dark

↓

No one understands

understands

↓

the subtleties of Charlie's retardation better than me.

charlies

↓

- I can guide you right to it. - Then you'll be very well rewarded.

guide rewarded

↓

- I like that. (door opens) - Shit!

door door-opens opens

↓

- Seal me up! - That's them. Get away.

seal

↓

Just get in! (Dennis, Charlie, Dee, arguing)

arguing charlie dennis dennis-charlie

↓

My word is the law. I'm the boss of both of you now.

boss word

↓

- What are you talking about? - Why are you standing like that?

standing

↓

'Cause I'm the big brother and the boss.

boss brother

↓

- What? You're not our big brother. - Yes, I am.

brother

↓

So get me a beer, little bro, before I give you a serious noogie.

beer serious

↓

Dude, I swear to God, if you give me a noogie

swear

↓

I'll yank your underwear over your head 'til your asshole rip in half.

asshole half head underwear yank

↓

Hey-oh! What's up, bitches?

bitches

↓

- Mac, can an arse rip in half? - Like tissue paper.

arse half paper tissue

↓

- They behind us? - No! Lock the way out!

behind lock

↓

Whoa! What the hell are you doin'?

doin whoa

↓

- Whoa! - Okay.

whoa

↓

Don't shoot. Take it all.

dont-shoot shoot

↓

- The cash register. - Take the girl.

cash girl register

↓

- "Take the girl"? - Don't argue with them. Go.

argue girl

↓

- Better you just go with them. - They're not trying to take me!

↓

- Don't be a hero. Do as they say! - They're not talking.

hero

↓

If you keep arguing with them, we're all gonna die!

arguing

↓

- We don't want her! - Take the cash!

cash

↓

- We don't want it! - Then what the hell do you want?

↓

We're takin' you bitches hostage.

bitches hostage takin

↓

That's right. And a gassed-up boat and 100,000 clams in a briefcase.

boat briefcase clams

↓

And a Planet Hollywood jacket. A leather one. Reversible.

hollywood jacket leather planet

↓

(quietly) And a reversible Planet Hollywood jacket.

hollywood jacket planet quietly

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- Can't believe this. - Taken hostage. We should hit 'em.

believe hostage taken

↓

I make the demands, pig! I'll kill one of the hostages in one hour!

demands hostages hour kill

↓

You hear that? In one hour, Margaret shoots one of you.

hour margaret shoots

↓

If you try to escape, we'll massacre you in a blaze of glory.

blaze escape glory massacre

↓

- Play with your body. - Especially Dennis.

body dennis especially

↓

Let's secure the perimeter.

perimeter secure

↓

- Holy shit! - My God!

holy

↓

- He means it. - They won't get those demands.

demands

↓

Not the jacket. Planet Hollywood no longer exists.

exists hollywood jacket longer planet

↓

They'd have to call Stallone and he's not gonna give his up.

theyd

↓

Maybe Aykroyd. (all chattering, overlapping)

chattering overlapping

↓

Shut up! We need to focus, okay?

focus

↓

This is serious. We could get Stockholm syndrome.

serious stockholm stockholm-syndrome syndrome

↓

(gasps) Oh my God. What is it? Does that start with a sore throat?

gasps sore start throat

↓

- I think I might be getting it. - No, you're not.

might

↓

Are you a doctor? You're qualified to tell me I'm coming down with it?

coming doctor qualified

↓

Stockholm syndrome, it messes with your mind.

messes mind stockholm stockholm-syndrome syndrome

↓

You start to empathize with captors and we turn against each other.

start

↓

Dee is right. We need to watch out for each other, okay?

watch

↓

To get through this we must stick together.

must stick

↓

Nobody has to die.

nobody

↓

- Somebody has to die. - Oh, yeah.

somebody

↓

- Doesn't have to be us. - No.

↓

- Mac or Charlie. What do they want? - Not one thing.

charlie

↓

So, we need to form a pact. Whatever happens, we stick together.

form happens pact stick

↓

- You and I will form an alliance. - We'll form an alliance.

alliance form

↓

Dennis is gonna try and have you killed.

dennis killed

↓

- I can't say that surprises me. - He's gonna sell us down the river.

river sell surprises

↓

Okay, should we kill him first?

kill

↓

I don't want anybody to have to die,

anybody

↓

but if somebody does, it could be Dennis.

dennis somebody

↓

- It should. He had a great life. - Yeah. Sure.

life

↓

- He had a full, full, good ride. - A fantastic ride.

fantastic full ride

↓

- I had a terrible one. - Charlie, you had the worst.

charlie worst

↓

- You deserve another shot. - I want a better ride.

another another-shot deserve ride shot

↓

You oughta ride and ride. Here's what we do.

oughta ride

↓

No matter what, you and I stick together.

matter stick

↓

Together. We should get to Mac before Dennis does.

dennis

↓

- Mac will be with us. - Mac will be with us.

↓

Frank. Come in, Frank.

frank

↓

The McPoyles have taken us hostage and might kill us.

hostage kill mcpoyles might taken

↓

It's too late for the guys, but not for me.

late

↓

So come and get me out of here.

↓

Where the hell have you been?

↓

I've been lookin' for you for 20 minutes. I'm lost up here.

lookin lost minutes

↓

They took over the bar and threaten to kill one of us. Come save me!

kill save threaten

↓

Holy crap.

holy

↓

Forget about the rest of them. It's just me. You can still save me.

forget rest save

↓

- Get down here! - Only when I get the will.

↓

Once that will is safe, I'll come and help you.

safe

↓

Will? That has time. We do that some other time, dude.

↓

No. This is all the more reason to get that document.

document reason

↓

Who knows how it's gonna shake out down there?

knows shake

↓

LIAM: Everybody gather round! - I gotta go. I'll call you back.

everybody everybody-gather gather gather-round liam round

↓

Ow! Son of a...

↓

All right. There's no way they're gonna meet all our demands, so...

demands meet

↓

... you're gonna dig a hole in the wall to the next building.

building hole wall

↓

We're gonna go to the roof and escape by helicopter.

escape helicopter roof

↓

(men protesting) Here's how it is,

protesting

↓

two of you dig while two of you rest and then you switch.

rest switch

↓

- I volunteer to rest first. - Bull. You can't volunteer to rest.

bull rest volunteer

↓

You can be on my team if you want, but we rest first. I called it.

called rest team

↓

Great, settled. I'm on your team. Charlie and Mac, you dig.

charlie settled team

↓

- You're on her team? Some loyalty. - You don't wanna be on my team?

loyalty team

↓

Easy, Charlie. I never said that. The syndrome's making you paranoid.

charlie easy paranoid

↓

- It's making me crazy, dude. - Wait. He's burning up.

burning crazy

↓

- You gotta sit down. - I'm getting sick.

sick

↓

Guys, Charlie's comin' down with Stockholm syndrome.

charlies comin stockholm stockholm-syndrome syndrome

↓

The last thing you need is a bunch of sick hostages.

bunch hostages sick

↓

Do you mind if I get some beers? We'd be a lot more relaxed.

beers mind relaxed

↓

- And a cooler! Get one. - Good idea, Charlie.

charlie cooler idea

↓

- Uh-uh. - What? It keeps the beer cold.

beer cold keeps

↓

- How do we do it without a cooler? - I'd like a cold beer.

beer cold cold-beer cooler

↓

We should all have a cold beer in a cooler.

beer cold cold-beer cooler

↓

- Who drinks warm beer? - We vote.

beer drinks vote warm

↓

All in favor of beer and cooler... Great.

beer cooler favor

↓

- Settled. Charlie, get a cooler. - Don't move, Charlie!

charlie cooler settled

↓

No beer. No cooler. Margaret, put your hand down.

beer cooler hand margaret

↓

- But your sister agrees with us. - She's on our side.

agrees side sister

↓

She's a deaf-mute. She only raised her hand 'cause you guys did.

deaf deaf-mute hand mute raised

↓

- Really? - Let's try that again, right?

↓

(all laugh) DEE: That's awesome.

awesome laugh

↓

- What else we could get her to do? - Uh, let's blink really fast.

blink fast

↓

(Charlie grunts rhythmically) DEE: That's awesome.

awesome charlie grunts rhythmically

↓

All right! Put your hands down and stop blinking!

blinking hands

↓

Leave Margaret alone.

alone margaret

↓

You two, in the bathroom. You two, grab some shovel.

bathroom grab shovel

↓

Ryan, crank up the heat!

crank heat ryan

↓

We're gonna get this place hot and clammy...

place

↓

(whispers) ... just like the McPoyles like it.

mcpoyles whispers

↓

FRANK: Here we go.

frank

↓

Charlie, what are you tryin' to tell me?

charlie tryin

↓

"If here by now, then bad place be.

place

↓

"Trouble time for you

trouble

↓

"when heat comes."

comes heat

↓

Jesus Christ, the kid's an idiot.

christ idiot jesus jesus-christ kids

↓

(fan switches on, air rushing) What...? Shit!

rushing switches

↓

What...? What's...? (groans)

groans

↓

(groans)

groans

↓

- Damn. They're crankin' that heat. - Maybe that's why she wore that.

heat wore

↓

Of course, that's why.

course

↓

They're gonna stay nice and cool while we get all hot and steamy.

cool steamy

↓

- Why are you covering your mouth? - So she can't read my lips.

covering lips mouth read

↓

- She can't do it. - You don't think?

↓

No way. Here, check this out.

check

↓

- Understand what I'm saying? - No?

↓

- Can you understand my words? - Know what I am saying?

words

↓

You can't read lips, can you? (slurps)

lips read slurps

↓

- Right. Charlie... - What was that?

charlie

↓

I gotta talk to you about something.

↓

- Help me out with this map. - Whoa! Why do you have my map?

whoa

↓

Frank gave it to me. He's in the vents.

frank vents

↓

He'll try to retrieve his will.

retrieve

↓

If I guide it to him successfully, he'll give me a big percentage.

guide percentage successfully

↓

He thinks that Dennis and Dee... What?

dennis thinks

↓

It's boring. I'm getting bored.

bored boring

↓

You should pay attention. This could be good for you.

attention

↓

- Come on. You're losin' me. - Oh, my God.

↓

With Frank dead and the will gone, Charlie gets the money.

charlie dead frank gone money

↓

I get all the money? What money?

money

↓

- The inheritance money. - Okay! Go! Good!

inheritance money

↓

- Do you get it? - Kinda.

kinda

↓

- Do you get the deal with this map? - Yes.

deal

↓

Help me with it. We'll see the numbers later.

numbers

↓

It's a fake map, a decoy.

decoy fake

↓

- Really? - Yep.

↓

- Where's the real map? - It's tattooed on my body.

body real tattooed

↓

- Get outta here. Where? - Right here.

outta

↓

- You can't be serious. - I'm dead serious.

dead dead-serious serious

↓

- This is impossible. - It's very possible.

impossible possible

↓

- I'm not looking in your butt. - It's the only way.

butt looking

↓

All right, but you gotta swear not to tell anybody.

anybody swear

↓

(quietly) I swear.

quietly swear

↓

- I can't see anything. - Look closer.

closer

↓

- What do you see? - Nothing.

↓

(chuckles)

chuckles

↓

- What do you smell? (farts) - Oh, my God!

farts smell

↓

- Really? You fart in my face? - What do you think?

face fart

↓

Are you kidding me? Why did you do it?

kidding

↓

'Cause you stole my map, Frank's in the vents

franks stole vents

↓

you lied, we could die and I never farted in your face!

face farted lied

↓

There's no time for this! Where's the real map?

real

↓

That's the real map. There's no fake map, idiot.(exhales)

exhales fake idiot real

↓

- Jesus Christ! - Are you kidding me?

christ jesus jesus-christ kidding

↓

- This is unbelievable. - How can anybody like it this hot?

anybody unbelievable

↓

- I feel woozy. - This is bullshit.

bullshit woozy

↓

A couple of glasses of milk... Lukewarm. Skim for the lady.

couple glasses lady milk

↓

We don't want your milk, Liam.

liam milk

↓

Then start breakin' bricks, wet nips. (imitates tickle)

breakin bricks imitates nips start tickle

↓

- I think you're full of shit. - Is that right?

full

↓

That's right. I could walk out and you'd do nothing.

walk

↓

I don't think you're serious.

serious

↓

- You don't? - No, I don't.

↓

- You think I'm bluffin'? - You're bluffin'.

↓

Then bluff this! Ryan, stab somebody!

bluff ryan somebody stab

↓

(battle cry)

battle

↓

(screaming)

screaming

↓

What've you done? Gimme the milk.

milk whatve

↓

- Showin' 'em we're not bluffin'. - No, you should stab one of them.

stab

↓

(groaning) I gotta take care of this. Owww!

care groaning owww

↓

- Holy shit. - My bad.

holy

↓

(whispers) Oh, my... (shudders)

shudders whispers

↓

- Oh, my God. - It was the most terrifying thing.

terrifying

↓

That must have taken so much heart to stab your brother like that.

brother heart must stab taken

↓

- I mean, that is real dedication. - What?

dedication real

↓

Whatever, okay? Look, I think we need a real plan here, Sis.

plan real

↓

The hour's coming upon us.

coming hours

↓

Maybe I can corner one of them and manipulate them.

corner manipulate

↓

- Get inside their head. - And have sex with them.

head

↓

Sex? No. I was gonna say, pit them against each other.

↓

- What? I know. What did I say? - You said...

↓

God, no. Those guys are disgusting.

disgusting

↓

Dee, I think you're startin' to show signs of Stockholm syndrome.

signs startin stockholm stockholm-syndrome syndrome

↓

No, I'm fine. Can we just focus and you tell me what the plan is?

focus plan

↓

Yes, let's focus. Here's the plan.

focus plan

↓

I know I can get the girl to fall in love with me.

fall girl love

↓

I'm not a member of her family. That goes against me, but...

family member

↓

... I do have a secret weapon.

secret secret-weapon weapon

↓

Boom, all right?

boom

↓

I just need to be alone with her. The pecs will do the talkin'.

alone pecs talkin

↓

One thing'll lead to the next. She'll lead me secretly to safety.

lead safety secretly shell

↓

Mac, what's with the goddamn heat?

goddamn heat

↓

I'm roastin' like a suckling pig up here.

↓

Oh, yeah, man. It's gettin' pretty hot up in this piece, huh?

gettin piece

↓

Must be miserable up in those vents, Frank.

frank miserable must vents

↓

- Charlie, is that you? - Yes, it's me.

charlie

↓

Hey... are you lost? I warned you never to be in the vents without me.

lost vents warned

↓

Yes, a little bit. Charlie...

charlie

↓

... you think you could give the walkie-talkie over to Mac?

talkie walkie walkie-talkie

↓

I gotta talk to him privately.

privately

↓

Yes, hold on a second.

second

↓

Buddy, I'm here.

buddy

↓

Mac, go somewhere where you're alone.

alone

↓

(Mac chuckles, Charlie scoffs)

charlie chuckles chuckles-charlie scoffs

↓

Okay, Frank, we're alone.

alone frank

↓

Whatever happens, make sure Charlie's the first one to die.

charlies happens

↓

What? Why?

↓

'Cause of this will business. He... stands to gain the most.

business gain stands

↓

- That's a very good point. - An excellent point. All right.

excellent point

↓

That's a good plan, Frank. I'll be back in about 10.

frank plan

↓

All right, get back to me. 10-4.

↓

Okay. What we should do is clear. Frank has to die.

clear frank

↓

- Gotta kill Frank. - Somehow.

frank kill

↓

So once the McPoyles take out Dennis, Dee and Frank,

dennis frank mcpoyles

↓

you and I will split the money.

money split

↓

Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh. That's kind of a lot, don't you think?

↓

Tell you what, I'll give you 25%. (door opens)

door door-opens opens

↓

- Twenty-five? It's my money! - Ball sacks.

ball five money sacks twenty twenty-five

↓

- Put those on. - Why?

↓

It's too obvious who the hostages and who the captors are.

hostages obvious

↓

We're gonna confuse the cops.

confuse cops

↓

(all breathing heavily)

breathing breathing-heavily heavily

↓

All right. Your time is almost up.

↓

We'll spice it up with an immunity challenge.

challenge immunity spice

↓

The winning team won't be in the first round of shootings.

round team winning

↓

- Oh, well, that's a great idea. - Dee, shut up.

idea

↓

- What was that? - She's got Stockholm syndrome.

stockholm stockholm-syndrome syndrome

↓

No, I don't. I think it's a good way to decide who to kill first.

decide kill

↓

I'm putting myself in their position.

position putting

↓

It's called compassion, dickheads.

called compassion dickheads

↓

If you guys had a little bit of it, you wouldn't even be in this mess

mess

↓

and we wouldn't have to figure out which one of you we have to kill.

figure kill

↓

But it's where we are. So hand me the shotgun... (cocks)

cocks hand shotgun

↓

... 'cause I'd like to do the mess myself.

mess

↓

Get on your knees, bitches!

bitches knees

↓

What is that? Now you're on their side?

side

↓

- You wanna be a McPoyle, trash bag? - Huh?

mcpoyle trash

↓

Mmmm! (gasps)

gasps mmmm

↓

If you wanna be a McPoyle, you've gotta earn that the hard way.

earn hard mcpoyle

↓

You'll learn it later on. For now, here's the challenge.

challenge learn

↓

Whoever destroys more inside the bar wins.

wins

↓

And the teams have changed.

changed teams

↓

It's now Dee and Charlie versus Mac and Dennis.

charlie dennis versus

↓

You have one minute to plan your strategy...

minute plan strategy

↓

... starting now.

starting

↓

Whoop. Come on. Come here, come here!

whoop

↓

I think I got a plan to get us out of this.

plan

↓

- I need you to destroy the bar, ok? - I'm a great destroyer.

destroy destroyer

↓

- Seriously? You're a born smasher. - Yes, I am!

born

↓

I'm working a different angle with the girl.

angle girl working

↓

- Work those pecs. - Exactly.

pecs

↓

- Bump it. All right. - Dennis.

bump dennis

↓

- What? - I love you.

love

↓

Go! Go! Go!

↓

- Okay. I got a plan. - Okay.

plan

↓

I'm gonna start by wrecking the back office.

office start wrecking

↓

But there's a lot more stuff...

stuff

↓

Listen to me! I get your betrayal, but you're acting nuts.

acting betrayal nuts

↓

All right. I'm sorry about the whole thing...

whole

↓

Shut up, okay? I'm tryin' to save your life, Dee.

life save tryin

↓

So I'm gonna wreck the back office. We gotta stick together.

office stick wreck

↓

- You got it? - Yes, I did, Charlie.

charlie

↓

Time's up, assholes. Start smashing!

assholes smashing start times

↓

I love you.

love

↓

(yells)

yells

↓

(wheezing, grunting)

grunting wheezing

↓

Decided to come take a break from all the excitement.

break decided excitement

↓

It's got me all sweaty.

sweaty

↓

So sweaty.

sweaty

↓

Do you mind?

mind

↓

Margaret, you like sweat, don't you?

margaret sweat

↓

It is "Margaret", isn't it? Of course, it is.

course margaret

↓

You know, your eyebrow... It drives me crazy.

crazy drives eyebrow

↓

It's so thick. It's so... dark...

dark thick

↓

And so very...

↓

... connected.

connected

↓

You're a stone cold fox, Margaret.

cold margaret stone stone-cold

↓

You're a stone cold fox and I want you.

cold stone stone-cold

↓

I gotta have you. I need you.

↓

I want you inside me.

↓

(whispering) But you know that. Don't you, Margaret?

margaret whispering

↓

(slurps)

slurps

↓

(quietly) Yeah.

quietly

↓

Look at yourself, Dee. You've become a monster.

become monster

↓

What? Not my fault. I'm sick.

fault sick

↓

I know, Dee. You're the one that told us about Stockholm syndrome.

stockholm stockholm-syndrome syndrome

↓

But if you just snap out it,

snap

↓

we could survive this, if we just stick together.

stick survive

↓

All right! Time's up. Mac and Dennis seem to take it.

dennis times

↓

Nice! Blast away, boys.

blast boys

↓

No, wait. Because Charlie... Charlie destroyed the office!

charlie charlie-charlie destroyed office

↓

- Go and look. Charlie saved me! MAC: No. Blast her!

blast charlie saved

↓

Charlie, we did it!

charlie

↓

We did it!

↓

(creaking)

creaking

↓

Goddamn it, Charlie.

charlie goddamn goddamn-it

↓

(Mac on walkie-talkie) Come in, Frank.

frank talkie walkie walkie-talkie

↓

Oh, when we get outta this,

outta

↓

I'm gonna shove my fist right into your ass, hard and fast,

fast fist hard shove

↓

not in a sexual way, in a "I am pissed off at you" way,

pissed sexual

↓

for turnin' off your walkie and leavin' me in this shit hole!

hole walkie

↓

Listen very carefully...

carefully

↓

Charlie has escaped. Repeat, Charlie has escaped.

charlie escaped repeat

↓

He may come after you.

↓

Don't worry. I take care of myself. Ah! (glass crunches)

care crunches glass worry

↓

God! I just stepped in glass! There's broken bottles everywhere.

bottles broken glass stepped

↓

Broken bottles everywhere? Shit, dude.

bottles broken

↓

- I think it's Charlie's "bad room". - What the hell is that?

charlies room

↓

It's where he goes to be alone and break bottles.

alone bottles break

↓

Dude, you gotta be real careful. He's gonna find you.

careful real

↓

I can take care of myself.

care

↓

Hello, Frank.

frank

↓

I gotta call you back.

↓

- Be careful. Be careful. - Hi, Charlie.

careful charlie

↓

- Lookin' for your will, Pop? - It's exactly what I'm lookin' for.

lookin

↓

It's funny the kind of men we become in these circumstances.

become circumstances funny

↓

I heard who you wanted to have killed.

heard killed wanted

↓

But that goddamn Mac, he...

goddamn

↓

Then tell me, Frank. What do you think about...

frank

↓

... this?

↓

I like that very much. That's exactly why I came up here.

↓

No, it's the... Yeah, I guess it is.

↓

- Now let's get the hell outta here. - I don't think so, Frank!

frank outta

↓

You see, I don't need you anymore, now do I?

anymore

↓

What are you talkin' about?

talkin

↓

What you doing? Put your hands down.

hands

↓

- Yeah. - Charlie, put your hands down.

charlie hands

↓

- Charlie, don't... - Bye, Dad!

charlie

↓

God. Do you always carry it? Ridiculous.

carry ridiculous

↓

- Lead me the hell outta here. - All right. Fine.

lead outta

↓

- How? - This way.

↓

- That way? - Put the gun...

↓

- I was going that way. - That'd be wrong.

thatd

↓

All right. That was... (smacks lips) nice.

lips smacks smacks-lips

↓

That was very... hot and sweaty and passionate...

passionate sweaty

↓

... milky. (clears throat)

clears clears-throat milky throat

↓

Now let's get out of here. Let's sneak and start a life together.

life sneak start

↓

Leave this crazy place together. Sneak me out.

crazy place sneak

↓

What? No. We're done with the kissing part, okay?

kissing part

↓

That part's over. We're in love and you sneak me out of here.

love parts sneak

↓

We're at that part now, all right? No, no.

part

↓

God. Please tell me you understand. Do you understand me?

↓

You don't, do you? It was all for nothing.

↓

- What the hell is goin' on here? - Uh...

goin

↓

... nothing.

↓

Doesn't look it. But for the record, I'm into it.

record

↓

Everybody to the roof. It's time to pay the piper.

everybody piper roof

↓

Some hundred more yards and we're outta here.

hundred outta yards

↓

- Some hundred more yards? - Now push!

hundred push yards

↓

(Charlie strains, Frank mutters)

charlie frank mutters strains

↓

- Go! (strains) - We're, like, in a tomb, Charlie.

charlie strains tomb

↓

I'm one of you guys, a McPoyle, so you wouldn't kill me, right?

kill mcpoyle

↓

She's got Stockholm syndrome. Don't trust her. She'll betray you.

betray shell stockholm stockholm-syndrome syndrome trust

↓

I won the immunity challenge. I should live.

challenge immunity live

↓

We both won 'cause we were on the same team. We're both safe.

safe team

↓

No, I did all the work. You were getting laid.

laid

↓

I love inbreeding! I like men in tight, white underpants.

love tight underpants white

↓

- Get on your knees! MAC: Goddamn it!

goddamn goddamn-it knees

↓

(both yelping, grunting)

grunting

↓

We're free, dude! We're free!

free

↓

- Frank and Charlie! - They came to save us!

charlie frank save

↓

(both groaning, panting)

groaning panting

↓

Right?

↓

(both panting, stop)

panting

↓

- Uh, yeah. - Yeah, okay.

↓

- Yeah, we came to save you. - We came here to save you guys.

save

↓

- It's exactly it, why we came. - We came for you. So here we are.

↓

- Frank. - Liam.

frank liam

↓

What a delicious surprise.

delicious surprise

↓

Looks like we got ourselves into a bit of a pickle here.

pickle

↓

Get over with your friends.

friends

↓

I don't think so.

↓

- Really? - Really.

↓

(chuckling)

chuckling

↓

(both chuckling)

chuckling

↓

(all laughing)

laughing

↓

(all laughing louder, cackling)

cackling laughing louder

↓

(laughing, cackling continue)

cackling continue laughing

↓

Yippie-kay-yay, Mr. Fuckin'...

fuckin

↓

(gunfire continues)

continues gunfire gunfire-continues

↓

(slowed down)

slowed

↓

Brother!

brother

↓

God! (whimpering)

whimpering

↓

- I love you! - God, I love you!

love

↓

- Hang on! - Don't let go!

hang

↓

I got you! I got you, brother.

brother

↓

No, you don't!

↓

- What are you doing? - Stop!

↓

Why are you doin' that? (screams)

doin screams

↓

(no audible scream)

scream

↓

(slowed down) No!

slowed

↓

(laughing, slowed down)

laughing slowed

↓

(short grunt)

grunt short

↓

LIAM: Are you all right?

liam

↓

Yes. I think I might get a bruise on my heel.

bruise heel might

↓

- That's not bad. - No.

↓

Not bad at all. It's pretty fun, like...

fun

↓

- Climb down that ladder, guys. LIAM: All right.

climb ladder liam

↓

Later, bitches.

bitches

↓

"Later, bitches"? Wait. So they're just leaving?

bitches leaving

↓

- Why are they leaving? - What is it?

leaving

↓

DEE: This gun is rubber. MAC: It's rubber?

rubber

↓

- She's right. It's rubber. - There's no police!

police rubber

↓

- No police down there, dude! - What's happening?

police

↓

- What's going on? - Are they joking?

joking

↓

- Where are the cops? RYAN: Ha-ha!

cops ryan

↓

- Revenge! We got you, suckers! - Nobody messes with the McPoyles!

mcpoyles messes nobody revenge suckers

↓

Eat it, douche bags!

bags douche

↓

(both hooting in distance)

distance hooting

↓

- McPoyles! - Goddamn it!

goddamn goddamn-it mcpoyles