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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S07E11 — Thunder Gun Express

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 7, Episode 11 — Thunder Gun Express

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: Thunder Gun Express
Air date: December 01, 2011
Director: Matt Shakman
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito
Traffic problems as a result of the President's visit to Philadelphia makes it difficult for the gang to see the summer's biggest film, "Thunder Gun Express".
Source: TMDB
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- Dennis, do you have the tickets? - Yes, affirmative.
affirmativedennistickets
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I got the tickets online, and I got the last ones.
onesonlinetickets
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- Charlie, you got booze? - Tell me what you think.
boozecharlie
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I think that's enough booze to last the whole movie, right?
boozemoviewholewhole-movie
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- Yes. - We're good. We're good.
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- Dee, time? - Uh, we have just about a half hour.
halfhalf-hourhour
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Precisely, you bitch!
bitchprecisely
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- I need to know precisely. - 28 minutes! I'm sorry.
minutesprecisely
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- Twenty-eight minutes, okay... - Ugh, the city is like a zoo.
cityeighteight-minutesminutestwenty
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I mean, traffic jam like you wouldn't believe.
believetraffic
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Obama's got the whole thing congested.
whole
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Oh, goddamn it, Mac.
goddamngoddamn-it
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I told you there was gonna be traffic, dude.
traffic
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I forgot about Obama!
forgotobama
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We still have time.
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No, but, dude, traffic's gonna jam us up, man.
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No, no, no. We can make it, okay? I didn't think that many...
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Time for what? Time for what? Where are you going?
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We're gonna go see Thunder Gun Express, man.
expressthunder
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You know what I'm talking about.
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- What the shit is a thunder gun? - Are you crazy?
crazythunder
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Dude, it's like the greatest movie ever made.
greatestmovie
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It's about this warrior from a post-apocalyptic underground society
postsocietyundergroundwarrior
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who has to travel back in time to save his lover
loversavetravel
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- from an evil robot army. - Ooh.
armyevilrobot
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"No hesitation. No surrender."
hesitationsurrender
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"No man left behind!"
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It's like the biggest movie in America.
americabiggestmovie
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Whoa, that sounds the tits. I'm in.
soundstitswhoa
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- No. - How? How?
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- You do not have a ticket. - Yeah.
ticket
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- You didn't buy me a ticket? - I'm sorry. What am I, your daddy?
daddyticket
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Yeah, I don't just buy tickets for people. I mean...
tickets
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Oh, no, no, no, Frank. This is just as much a love story as anything else.
franklovelove-storystory
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Plus, I hear the guy hangs dong, and I'm very interested in seeing that.
donghangsinterestedplusseeing
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- Me too. - Yeah, he hangs dong.
donghangs
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- Uh-hmm. - What the hell am I gonna do?
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Well, get out of the way, 'cause we got to go.
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- Yeah. Clock's ticking. - Yeah. Go! Let's go.
clocksticking
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Thunder Gun!
thunder
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This blows, dude! Drive faster.
blowsdrivefaster
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Drive faster? Where would you like for me to go?
drivefaster
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I'm surrounded by cars, Charlie.
carscharliesurrounded
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It's all these goddamn immigrants come in to see Obama.
goddamnimmigrantsobama
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And none of them have any insurance. That's why they drive so slow.
driveinsuranceslow
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Why are you even here? The movie is sold out.
moviesold
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I'm gonna scalp a ticket.
scalpticket
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Oh, shit!
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I didn't bring my wallet.
bringwallet
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I ain't giving you shit.
aintgiving
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All right, I'll sneak in. I sneak in all the time.
sneak
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I hope we get there in time to sit together. I don't like to split up.
hopesplit
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Don't worry about it. If we get split up,
splitworry
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we'll just yell over everybody to each other
everybodyyell
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until they get annoyed with us and switch.
annoyedswitch
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We can call in a bomb threat. That would delay the picture.
bombbomb-threatdelaypicturethreat
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That would be very "Thunder Gun."
thunder
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We're gonna have to do something drastic
drastic
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if Dennis doesn't figure out a way to drive faster.
dennisdrivefasterfigure
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Yeah, come on, man.
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Where would you like for me to drive?
drive
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He misses all of his angles.
misses
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Well, you could slide in front of that Prius.
frontpriusslide
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- Go in front of that Prius. - Oh, okay. So, then I'll be stuck
frontpriusstuck
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in front of the Prius instead of right next to the Prius.
frontprius
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It's a bigger problem than that, guys. He's slow at everything.
biggerbigger-problemproblemslow
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You should see how long it takes him to bang chicks.
bangchickstakes
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Mac, that's because you always try and barge in
barge
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so you can see the chicks naked.
chicksnaked
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Then I have to start the process all over again.
processstart
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But you waste so much time talking to them
waste
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when you should be plowing them.
plowing
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No, you don't get it. You don't get what I'm...
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Look, I'm forging a connection with these women
connectionwomen
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that will yield for them the most awakening
yield
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and unforgettable sexual experience of their lives.
experiencelivessexual
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We're gonna miss the movie!
missmovie
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- Yeah, come on. - Hey, Thunder-Gun it up on the curb.
curbthunder
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Thunder-Gun it all the way down.
thunder
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Just calm down. We'll get there.
calm
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Well, I'll tell you one thing. I could walk faster than we're moving.
fastermovingwalk
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- Right? - Please.
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What are you guys doing?
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Oh, oh, wait! Get back here, you sons of bitches!
bitchessons
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Thunder Gun leaves no man behind!
behindleavesthunder
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We'll come back for you!
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Are you kidding me? Come on!
kidding
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- Damn. - Shit.
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- All the streets are blocked. - Hey, let's ask this cop.
blockedstreets
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Excuse me, Officer.
excuseofficer
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- Uh, we need to get through. - I can't help you.
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The street's closed down all the way to Spring.
closedspringstreets
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Yeah, but this is an emergency.
emergency
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It's not my problem. You gotta go around.
problem
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We really gotta...
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All right, we gotta find a new point of entry.
entrypoint
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Attack the target from a different angle.
angleattacktarget
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No, no, no. We're not terrorists or anything,
terrorists
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we're just... We're trying to get to a movie, Thunder Gun Express.
expressmoviethunder
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Oh, Thunder Gun Express, huh?
expressthunder
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You better get going.
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You don't want to miss one second of that movie.
missmoviesecond
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- Is it that good? - It's the best goddamn movie
bestgoddamnmovie
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I ever seen in my life.
lifeseen
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- Oh! - I told them that!
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- I told them! - I don't want to miss that!
miss
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All right, maybe we take a cab. What about that?
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A cab? Dee, don't be a fool! We'll never get a cab out here.
fool
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Plus, we'll just sit in traffic like everybody else.
everybodyplustraffic
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Yeah, we'll be stuck like Dennis.
dennisstuck
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The trolley!
trolley
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- Trolley. - We can make it, Frank. Come on!
franktrolley
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- Yes. - No surrender, baby!
babysurrender
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Come on!
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- Come on, you can make it. - I'm coming.
coming
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No, hop off!
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Hop. Don't leave me here!
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You bastards!
bastards
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"Take too long..."
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Look, screw you, Mac. I don't take that long.
screw
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I'll show you who takes too long.
takes
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Son of a bitch. Let's see.
bitch
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We got Amanda. We got Brenda.
amandabrenda
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Ah! Allison.
allison
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Let's find out if Allison thought that I... That I took too long.
allison
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It's too bad the museum is closed on Wednesdays.
closedmuseumwednesdays
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I know.
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I guess we can hang out here and get to know each other instead.
hang
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This is a good one.
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ALLISON What's with all the locks?
allisonlocks
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DENNIS I want you to feel safe.
dennissafe
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So, your father took off when you were pretty young, huh?
fatheryoung
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- That must have been difficult. - Yeah.
difficultmust
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Yeah, I could probably speed things up a little bit. I mean...
speed
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Thanks very much. Careful now.
carefulthanks
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There you go. Watch your step, ladies. Very good. Thank you.
ladiesstepwatch
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Hey, guy, can you... Can you take me up the river?
river
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- I gotta get a mile up the river. - Tour is $15.
milerivertour
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I left my wallet at home. I only got a quarter to my name.
homeleftnamequarterwallet
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Look, I can't help you, pal.
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All right, folks.
folks
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Everybody, take your seats. I'll be right back.
everybodyseats
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We'll get this tour under way, okay? Hang in there.
hangtour
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I swear, I'll take care of you when I get up there.
careswear
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Sorry, dude.
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Hi. I'm your new captain, Frank.
captainfrank
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I'm gonna take you up the river. Okay? Here we go.
river
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What happened to Captain Tom?
captainhappened
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Uh, Captain Tom turned out to be a goddamn junkie.
captaingoddamnjunkieturned
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Hang on.
hang
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Oh!
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Whoo!
whoo
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- You're, you're going too fast. - Huh?
fast
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- Too fast. - It's the fast tour.
fasttour
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It's the quick one.
quick
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Quick tour.
quicktour
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Why aren't you telling us what anything is?
telling
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Like what?
↓
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What is that building over there?
building
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Uh, that's a big building.
building
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It's a brick building. Red brick building.
brickbuilding
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I don't know what the hell it is. It's an old building.
building
↓
0cdda8e3-fd5e-4940-9524-4f997996acc6.gif
Can you please use microphone? Very difficult for people to hear in back.
difficultmicrophone
↓
00af0924-f375-4e11-9d69-6a3f782d8cf9.gif
- Oh. Oh, the microphone. - Okay?
microphone
↓
55e12b6f-5412-4443-b767-16d6cb9d492c.gif
Okay.
↓
389a4bbc-cf0d-4eca-98dc-b00ea8b4d5da.gif
- All right. - Hold on, hold on, hold on.
↓
07de2a64-b6d4-4d12-a859-e44de66fc098.gif
- You hear that? - Yeah.
↓
9ced85f8-e3c3-4dec-be95-a6bddfe8fae4.gif
Okay. Well, we're on the Schuylkill river,
river
↓
53f76ea2-9329-428f-9071-bb6d6a25e9db.gif
and, uh, it's home to many, uh, weird, fish-like creatures.
creaturesfishhomeweird
↓
60177e2b-33cf-49c6-9cab-eef7557cd603.gif
And also the depository of, uh...
depository
↓
52d4d0e2-8369-46ed-b2fc-8e24bc8f418f.gif
all of the unsolved crimes and murders in Philadelphia.
crimesmurdersphiladelphia
↓
2e93532e-fa7a-4043-8a4f-09ec309cb501.gif
Yeah.
↓
f4a54284-eef5-4d34-8ae6-7fc8d5221923.gif
That trolley kicked ass.
kickedtrolley
↓
10fd6b2a-1640-46ba-947a-a5439ffb2850.gif
We're just, like, a couple blocks from the theater, I think.
blockscoupletheater
↓
74d69f0e-96fb-4bf3-a880-97f1add21166.gif
Yeah! Thunder Gun himself would have been proud of that move.
proudthunder
↓
113ab8e4-7cc3-407b-99dd-ae8c33afee27.gif
Of course he'd be proud. We didn't hesitate. We didn't surrender.
coursehesitateproudsurrender
↓
f894f3ad-f7f6-4f6e-8684-0a7791bfcab2.gif
Yeah. We did leave a couple men behind though.
behindcouple
↓
a9c05056-8932-496c-8482-6b3a0a2ccce4.gif
That's true.
↓
b249f00f-38a6-46a2-a71d-3a969b96e1c5.gif
But we didn't hesitate to leave those men behind.
behindhesitate
↓
c8af7574-c7f6-4d72-890d-f1c93d19119c.gif
Yeah. Plus, I hung dong on the trolley. You guys missed that.
donghungmissedplustrolley
↓
e45f1808-46fe-4b76-9128-c80cefcc7389.gif
Nah, I didn't miss it. I saw it. I chose to ignore it.
choseignoremiss
↓
3568a717-d3b1-4f6f-920f-b365002bcc3c.gif
If Thunder Gun's dong looks like that, we should all get our money back.
donggunsmoneythunder
↓
a7e6f542-d6ad-43e8-a017-a519dc4a5c9c.gif
Yeah, I'm walking out of the movie.
moviewalking
↓
50139418-b7b0-4065-ac0d-03ef6d40b61a.gif
It was more of a ding than a dong, really.
dingdong
↓
2df011c7-5d7f-41bf-aaca-a396848bf5af.gif
I got a lot of "good ones" and thumbs up and...
onesthumbs
↓
c716788b-49bd-4a89-8e12-f523035abeca.gif
- Aw. - Goddamn it!
goddamngoddamn-it
↓
22e6b75d-ab3b-408a-bbd4-5df9c4b9b999.gif
What would Thunder Gun do right now?
thunder
↓
80cc6b65-bf6f-4553-b732-a37ae02e488d.gif
Oh, shit. Okay, listen. Hear me out.
↓
4bccaec6-e424-4ed2-b881-2de862f66b98.gif
Let's fire down that sewer. Frank and I do it all the time.
firefranksewer
↓
68f9bd98-1d2b-4bad-bc1c-b5b1dc3626ae.gif
I know my way around. We'll be over there in a jiff.
↓
d3153844-bfa1-416f-94ea-8d9cd5e28fff.gif
Uh, I don't know.
↓
d1673998-8c6f-4d56-a2d7-67c14085ab29.gif
Sewer, huh? All right, let's do it.
sewer
↓
0dc94149-51c1-47f9-8247-a6f1a18c14e2.gif
No, no, no. Our clothes will get soaking wet.
clothessoaking
↓
cbc1cc48-7aef-476c-bd19-fd09bd8920ca.gif
It's gonna ruin the whole movie.
movieruinwholewhole-movie
↓
0b7349fc-e8c7-4952-aa34-fe40e6f39a83.gif
That is what it is.
↓
979f5d36-9f9b-4fc4-9af7-992733649dd0.gif
No, it isn't. It has nothing to do with it.
↓
ff650451-c4aa-4a02-9668-a5642c7d5c84.gif
Look, sewers are disgusting, that's why.
disgustingsewers
↓
122caacf-c258-40a6-8616-9a70ec1e5952.gif
Your big fat body is what's disgusting.
bodydisgusting
↓
8feacd98-49bc-465b-b364-047736062318.gif
And you're embarrassed about it.
embarrassed
↓
7af280e4-6003-4ec0-a382-f6faa7547e07.gif
We are not going in the sewer, and that is final.
finalsewer
↓
ea4f74a8-ac6e-4e79-b3cd-950e5154365b.gif
- Oh. Oh, yeah? - Aw.
↓
35eee32e-4761-497a-ac74-d44a2e16144e.gif
- Aw. - No, guys. Guys.
↓
4d298ba0-59bc-47e2-8d26-ca90532e6375.gif
Here I come. Here I come.
↓
012916e9-62ba-45cd-8393-2862878cde29.gif
Oh, wait.
↓
5c64f4e5-8c0d-4a77-840e-178d41897511.gif
Oh. You know what?
↓
0c40cb44-95c6-41f4-a2d9-10c3c1015f59.gif
Looks like you're stuck, huh?
stuck
↓
b8fe8f3b-ad9f-48e5-852e-6358e06e4632.gif
Well, uh, yeah. So, my, my muscles stop me from gaining access, but...
accessgainingmuscles
↓
e175a5da-7085-4cfb-808a-3ae1a42c6b79.gif
Sorry, Mac.
↓
61985345-989a-4cb1-bbc5-37e21c6d4fbc.gif
Why... Why don't you guys come out, and then...
↓
d1b46f7c-990e-479e-8fef-aaa50117db3f.gif
I'll tell you what. We'll come back for you.
↓
0847d7d5-9690-4bce-962f-cb47198506d9.gif
Yeah.
↓
265031a1-091a-4905-abe6-4fd1b5a2df1f.gif
That's what I told Dennis and Frank, and I was lying!
dennisfranklying
↓
f4a2c195-08fe-4a80-8e13-d38c4aa68494.gif
You sons of bitches!
bitchessons
↓
d10b9ba9-89c5-40e0-98da-655c79e2a285.gif
Oh, you sons of bitches!
bitchessons
↓
31ff35d7-9889-4ec2-8335-e1814da83c9a.gif
You sons of...
sons
↓
d35f01bf-4392-4058-8d48-64841b593417.gif
Out of the way, you fat dickhead.
dickhead
↓
ac6b9dd3-9aba-436a-a3ab-7aa302cd0c29.gif
All right, think. Think. Think.
↓
8850e365-02b9-416d-9d3f-ecd42e21cbf4.gif
Think.
↓
288e56fe-8730-4668-9981-b4ec6e658cc5.gif
No surrender. No surrender!
surrender
↓
c7adcd62-8a55-42d4-a7d1-84d4cbc6ba0d.gif
Shitty bike.
bikeshitty
↓
751552eb-1cc1-41e0-bcde-e0b2691e735e.gif
You seem cold.
cold
↓
d3516ff9-739e-4d43-b3bb-08530f9dae43.gif
Perhaps you'd be more comfortable under the covers.
comfortablecoversperhaps
↓
c84ae8a0-f62f-4e4a-868d-b9a66adf0c0c.gif
Now, we're talkin'. Okay, Allison. All right.
allisontalkin
↓
3080f6a4-de52-43c5-a49f-1877eee5c677.gif
Hey, hey, guys.
↓
1ecb8027-28f1-4858-8eea-342391e78f8c.gif
DENNIS What are you...
dennis
↓
19dd4fb7-e4aa-4ab8-bbf3-ce9a5268b527.gif
- Mac, can we help you? - Goddamn Mac.
goddamn
↓
2ec28fa3-ff79-47b0-a369-e575fed4c009.gif
MAC Oh, I thought I heard you call my name.
heardname
↓
9dff5494-bf18-406c-b428-a8920ef45799.gif
DENNIS I did not call your name.
dennisname
↓
7b2d0c6f-ab60-427c-8068-3cb75c6ee8d2.gif
Oh, okay.
↓
e8e44c66-e571-4f67-a0fe-c61f3d2733e6.gif
Well, I'll be right outside if you need anything.
↓
93c4fc4a-3149-4bea-99f7-b1081f48dfdb.gif
DENNIS We're not gonna need anything, okay?
dennis
↓
6ae10a33-ba05-432e-b14d-ddb053df83a4.gif
In fact, go ahead and leave the keys in here.
aheadfactgo-aheadkeys
↓
190d2a4a-9385-4443-9772-ab3bcbf9b22e.gif
Now I have to re-demonstrate my value, so that's gonna increase the time. Uh...
demonstrateincreasevalue
↓
4b45057e-045b-4290-929b-68f60a2af7e8.gif
ALLISON I think I need to be getting home.
allisonhome
↓
b435017f-8a3f-4ffe-a54f-9505bd5b8132.gif
My mom is gonna start to worry.
startworry
↓
df24e677-d161-4002-9d1b-fc33820e581e.gif
DENNIS Wait. Your mom? How old are you?
dennis
↓
7fb6aa06-e07a-4bb3-80df-3e503d1e6c88.gif
- 16. - 16?
↓
df66f5c9-9a43-4960-8592-f8ad307c2570.gif
- No, just... - Whoa, shit. That's not good.
whoa
↓
0fdd2264-c7fb-43ef-9147-a7bf76b3bc01.gif
Why do I still have this tape?
tape
↓
be035509-4ddc-4e18-83cf-77a40878734d.gif
That's ridiculous.
ridiculous
↓
a834fa9d-e362-438e-9ef1-6a9e0ecd9036.gif
Oh!
↓
556010ba-3612-4ed3-b5ba-dcecb68cbf34.gif
Goddamn it.
goddamngoddamn-it
↓
a0c0d115-712c-40fe-9361-e4f178e8830b.gif
Shit!
↓
ccfc0b99-f40d-4fa8-aa02-cee0d50c091e.gif
Well, now, this is an interesting development.
developmentinteresting
↓
93cf5527-c53c-4f38-be74-b90a28dd3612.gif
I gotta say, Charlie, this sewer is pretty gross,
charliegrosssewer
↓
b5a550a9-c01a-4d58-b9b7-13cce696f20b.gif
but it's not nearly as gross as I thought it was gonna be.
grossnearly
↓
fbddc8ea-68a4-42a9-bf53-8d74fd8d165f.gif
No, it's not bad now, but, like, any minute,
minute
↓
6f425184-4722-4f2c-a417-a3c36534a1f7.gif
like, a wall of water could just come gushing through here.
wallwater
↓
c2ceff17-a969-41ab-b774-886a75343947.gif
- So, we should keep moving. - Wait. Wall of water?
movingwallwater
↓
1d614cab-07d5-44c9-9ddd-0d400c6e5a03.gif
Yeah. Well, you know, it's not just water.
water
↓
d8ff4d07-6301-45c2-af7a-1e71759d0106.gif
It's, like, dog shit and street sludge.
street
↓
4303407b-33cf-451e-8839-a6f1cdd959a4.gif
You know, they divert it to different channels throughout the day.
channelsdivertthroughout
↓
781492fa-8332-4983-af63-836e81a023ad.gif
- Oh, my God. - You know, it's sewage. It's sewage.
sewage
↓
ee2929d6-bd42-42aa-8dc2-bd33c03e8b48.gif
- Yeah. - Oh, you know what, Dee? Dee?
↓
7563acf2-e4de-4865-9007-bc294a77dcbb.gif
Can we get naked really quick?
nakedquick
↓
22c9caf5-a272-4b6b-92b9-10acb4db31db.gif
- No. - Oh, right. Do you mind if I do?
mind
↓
51fd7d51-22fb-4a26-9413-8c5065445282.gif
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
↓
b836de83-f9e3-4220-a48b-5225ed1de622.gif
Well, see the thing is, like, if a wall of water comes through,
comeswallwater
↓
cf30e3cc-76fc-4a8e-86d3-122dad6e72ab.gif
it's actually pretty sweet to be naked,
nakedsweet
↓
742933f7-4f2b-4e50-860b-3847c1e89457.gif
'cause then you can hold your clothes up.
clothes
↓
2f61356d-5519-45db-be9c-9c1e8cfba81d.gif
You know, and then that piss and shit just kind of flows over you.
flowspiss
↓
16909c70-7ff7-45cc-84fa-4d88195c9c37.gif
- Mmm-hmm. - It's more refreshing than you think.
refreshing
↓
bb8898f3-8b2e-468e-b9dd-d74e7b62c8aa.gif
And then you have dry clothes afterwards.
afterwardsclothes
↓
e7be629b-8a5b-4280-933f-7db025fae93c.gif
It's a lot better than having the, the sewage on your clothes.
clotheshavingsewage
↓
470f88a6-0d17-418c-977d-879e2c4a22e9.gif
I understand and I'm a little relieved,
relieved
↓
195e3980-093a-4d76-8047-36a4cb2f8eb4.gif
but it's still not good enough for me,
↓
0b246083-dd52-4d9d-b44e-0edc5d6745df.gif
so I'm going to keep my clothes on.
clothes
↓
2794a9de-4f93-42b4-8caf-2a5856273a3d.gif
Oh, look at Queen Dee, who's too good
queen
↓
19c31e99-d3d1-4ebc-ae9e-859fa7d95a6d.gif
to get naked with her buddy all of a sudden.
buddynakedsudden
↓
093f4dbd-2cac-4950-a895-faf28b233b69.gif
Okay, I don't... Why are you making it about that?
↓
ae3329e3-4327-435e-92f6-e7ffa9593838.gif
I just... I didn't wanna... you know what?
↓
6524aff0-78c8-473a-b3b0-c9f4e71c0a3a.gif
This is a preposterous conversation we're having.
conversationhavingpreposterous
↓
55eda85f-6347-44a5-9dd9-fab38d78332b.gif
This is a functional conversation.
conversationfunctional
↓
543f2305-a353-49ff-aad9-91d4f685fdf2.gif
- This is a preposterous conversation. - This is not a sexual thing!
conversationpreposteroussexual
↓
9261d2d2-e9b9-4517-ba1b-e98aca9b9876.gif
- You know what, let's just go. - Let's just go.
↓
db3b2def-16df-48f1-9347-e68c2f0b39f3.gif
There's no walls of water. Oh! Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
wallswaterwhoawhoa-whoawhoa-whoa-whoa
↓
10253720-9785-4f8f-a425-a13f82aa681e.gif
Shit. My shoe's stuck.
shoesstuck
↓
76e6862b-3fb8-47b4-82b9-7cac67d18c44.gif
Well, pull it out.
pull
↓
f526a390-6767-4df3-a6e9-78321f348be0.gif
If I could pull it out, would it be stuck?
pullstuck
↓
6d519301-5a3a-4261-aaa7-a96aa619ef33.gif
- Take your shoe off. - I'm not gonna take my shoe off
shoe
↓
f5599554-62de-41a3-92da-24d8b265530e.gif
and walk around barefoot in this disgusting sewer.
disgustingsewerwalk
↓
25ccaef0-5fd4-4d25-a355-ca79a778c8b2.gif
Oh, the queen again, everyone. The queen speaks!
queenspeaks
↓
ba494d7a-e9b9-47d5-af39-8d0b4ca8f686.gif
Shut up. Shut up. Charlie, we don't have time for this.
charlie
↓
f5456b5e-9aba-43aa-b574-6c80721f957b.gif
I have an idea though.
idea
↓
c5adac03-f072-4e72-ad1d-ceddf2c494c2.gif
Why don't you take your shoes off and give them to me?
shoes
↓
755ccb79-d359-4201-b1d1-f4ad1b0222f7.gif
- No, you'll stretch mine out. - No, come on, Charlie.
charliestretch
↓
5f368986-95b4-42f9-a65d-7c61e1bbb016.gif
You were fine taking all your clothes off
clothes
↓
06d09a3e-344f-4e95-9fc1-f00ac513923c.gif
- and walking around in this gross place. - Dee, you'll stretch them out.
grossplacestretchwalking
↓
ee48ccbd-19fc-4699-85f2-be610f670c60.gif
All right, Charlie, stop screwing around, okay?
charliescrewing
↓
8e2e8eb0-8f60-42bc-bd16-65f2226282d8.gif
- We're gonna Miss the movie. - No, we're...
missmovie
↓
8cf06119-c5fc-4875-9d05-cb60ef4a190b.gif
You're right.
↓
16a5f0f7-a30a-45ff-8d43-22186ced7d56.gif
Where are you going? What are you doing?
↓
d240eefa-af3e-43cf-9a43-3195018a46c8.gif
- I'll come back for you. - No. No.
↓
0b68be2a-b4b6-45b5-8e0b-bd7bbd952a43.gif
- I'll come back for you. - Don't you do that.
↓
a614a002-5904-4d75-a76d-ce424c483d02.gif
Don't you... Charlie, get back here right now!
charlie
↓
e4e4e493-0c69-475f-a06e-09c45723fd9a.gif
Goddamn it! Oh, goddamn it!
goddamngoddamn-it
↓
a756e64a-9f83-43e2-8471-ca6d206ba4e0.gif
Aw, man! Come on. Come on.
↓
aebdea93-ba44-4c38-946b-0e7c0a7228b2.gif
Come on!
↓
d34a9acb-1228-46dc-a2d5-856e8c7f9d20.gif
What was that?
↓
268c086a-c70d-4109-9d1d-d0b844b0c80c.gif
What was that? Charlie?
charlie
↓
fd565f3b-241a-4119-87ca-8157f0d8700b.gif
Is that the wall of water?
wallwater
↓
6475a9ce-4a70-4a6a-acfb-3d59da870032.gif
No, Charlie. Charlie, I hear the wall of water!
charliecharlie-charliewallwater
↓
5b4b02af-bd17-4ab9-b9c8-09c871cb6447.gif
Come back for me!
↓
95b28387-332b-4c8d-9a9d-d156560c149c.gif
Oh, no, no, no.
↓
290f740b-470d-4d61-bae8-5a130683bda2.gif
Come on. Come on!
↓
baf948d9-dba6-4ca6-80bb-be95bc0cdb44.gif
Oh.
↓
86276b29-6683-44a3-b30f-1a3b41829e2b.gif
So, they'll send a tow truck and everything?
sendtruck
↓
b94a579d-77ec-4b6a-8634-85c18fc014c5.gif
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about that. Tow truck is on its way.
truckworry
↓
d88d0837-d913-413e-a52c-d83bea916c34.gif
- See you were born 1985. - Si.
born
↓
5a1071bd-ba54-4aba-ae1a-f6fa427319d8.gif
Yeah. So, everything checks out there. Beautiful.
checks
↓
bc3f4720-a7e5-4806-bff4-954f763770ac.gif
Oh, it's so cool that you own a chain of auto-body repair shops.
autobodychaincoolrepairshops
↓
8ebd8409-d0c8-4758-aab0-21c2f53d6659.gif
I wish I knew how to fix cars.
carswish
↓
2709c2f4-afab-4278-89af-8d9f28581cc9.gif
Oh, yeah, auto-body repair has always been a bit of a passion of mine.
autobodypassionrepair
↓
7f1d5eb3-d8b6-4ebb-945d-78273dcdba35.gif
I also invented Facebook with the Winklevoss twins.
facebookinventedtwins
↓
a29ea0de-d0db-4cb6-8e0f-87cd12438475.gif
- Really? - Yeah, yeah. Zuckerberg didn't do shit.
↓
aff2afc5-ce0d-4d1a-b0c3-2b698db16644.gif
Yeah, he really screwed us on that one.
screwed
↓
73d2d6d6-cfaf-4332-98aa-97029cf0232e.gif
But I got some hush money, so it's all good.
hushmoney
↓
2f7da49a-d1aa-4d79-b65c-6f23cb0e1fe4.gif
It's all good.
↓
ed1881ec-2950-4656-bfe6-d0195ab671ff.gif
But, uh, I don't want to waste any more time here, so...
waste
↓
c6357b79-6d4e-4876-a4b8-587cb6a684b7.gif
No man left behind!
behindleftleft-behind
↓
1f429e9c-cbb0-4583-8089-42aa37c242e0.gif
Goddamn it, Mac.
goddamngoddamn-it
↓
28003b94-2f84-4862-a78e-3a51a4854360.gif
What the hell are you doing here?
↓
34d80f81-c007-42a0-baf1-96e72906bb19.gif
I came back for you like I said I would, like Thunder Gun does.
thunder
↓
c9a83096-39bd-4f29-86fe-017b86227c6b.gif
- Who's the brown girl? - Uh, Elena.
brownelenagirl
↓
0790fa23-a19a-4745-a353-bb5d9990aa5c.gif
We got into a bit of a fender bender.
benderfenderfender-bender
↓
0a43ca92-86e9-412c-9ad3-47afa60f881c.gif
She was on her way to see Thunder Gun too.
thunder
↓
89dbe672-4090-463a-92aa-b50492fd6f7b.gif
What are the odds of that, huh?
odds
↓
53142871-954c-481d-b9f8-f24191f6b2c0.gif
I've seen it twice already. Oh, it's amazing.
amazingseentwice
↓
87e3cfe7-11ac-4694-8a24-f972c028dc18.gif
What's with the helmet, bro?
helmet
↓
4ef0a7a1-fca1-4db8-adb1-2a95692b26f4.gif
- Pretty cool, huh? - Ah, esta bonito.
cool
↓
829645a6-bc65-481c-839e-048719b1603d.gif
Dude, the helmet is sweet as shit. It's very Thunder Gun.
helmetsweetthunder
↓
c6b19a33-58d1-41e0-9480-375b3d75b5f6.gif
Yeah. I'm going to wear it during the movie.
moviewear
↓
51c17d54-d556-4639-b6e4-f8a9b92af9f8.gif
- Looks like traffic is clearing up, huh? - Yeah, it does.
clearingtraffic
↓
e55d719e-a895-4f07-80eb-62207260534a.gif
All right. Punch it.
punch
↓
857bf3d9-95dc-4d7e-bd66-89787bfb4698.gif
Uh, Charlie and I we go down the sewer
charliesewer
↓
ecb1c687-d83a-40bc-86f2-86c0ce591bb2.gif
and first thing we do is, to preserve our clothes, we take...
clothespreserve
↓
d0bba49c-1efd-4b36-8353-02c8be31ce7d.gif
take our clothes off.
clothes
↓
824f1ff2-ebfb-49cf-a99f-06153183c4b0.gif
We get totally naked because you don't want to get wet.
naked
↓
dcbaa290-7625-41a6-a892-0d71397d4b83.gif
We ball our clothes up.
ballclothes
↓
11f5e291-e1e9-4b42-bf41-9a4cb1629a3f.gif
We stick them up someplace high.
someplacestick
↓
6141bfa4-1f51-4ba9-ae2b-74c2137f6114.gif
There's this waitress who Charlie's in love with,
charlieslovewaitress
↓
6028f022-d382-4222-a022-e18c0e8d6bb0.gif
and, uh, I banged her.
banged
↓
0ce7d328-0c2e-4121-9468-985c53528937.gif
Charlie got really upset when I banged the waitress.
bangedcharlieupsetwaitress
↓
e20d86c4-ee41-448a-9213-6368f830cd28.gif
Uh, but it was a lot of fun. She was a nice piece of ass.
funpiece
↓
0ca8d02d-2d45-4378-9e9f-c0dd9691cc04.gif
We don't know who you're talking about.
↓
d0889ec2-81ca-4b15-b29f-73a2f4d66b07.gif
Charlie. He's my buddy. We sleep together. We hang out together.
buddycharliehangsleep
↓
3b3e6e1a-06fc-4e4d-8f13-101881794241.gif
Once I pooped in the bed. I blamed it on him.
blamedpooped
↓
99907d0c-7f6b-41fc-88d8-5b6aaebfdc29.gif
One time the guys got hooked on crack.
crackhooked
↓
6459753f-7ff7-4ee5-a5d9-21a172403b0c.gif
It was really crazy.
crazy
↓
5bf06e9b-2edb-41bc-bb69-ce0f5995e461.gif
Well, they found a baby in a dumpster.
babydumpsterfound
↓
5faac051-4dad-4691-a1fb-90b0029c8031.gif
They wanted to make some money with the baby,
babymoneywanted
↓
a5fe3b1f-9440-4581-abc4-edfbcbb188de.gif
but nobody would buy the baby because it was white.
babynobodywhite
↓
1efaf70b-9a7b-4179-b916-67e88232f305.gif
So, they had to turn it brown.
brown
↓
c723ad52-0e1c-48e3-a552-0a444afc6228.gif
We were fighting over the sword,
fightingsword
↓
895c8534-ae6b-4ded-b299-9d0a6b93d4d3.gif
and just about when we were about to hit each other with the sword,
sword
↓
9d5918c0-aa55-43e4-8d0d-12879c7923e2.gif
social services came in.
servicessocial
↓
f514cb7a-3bc7-41c8-b822-3fe247d77768.gif
Thought we were killing the baby.
babykilling
↓
ce2c42d0-434a-4572-9629-4c0489f65645.gif
I don't understand this tour.
tour
↓
44d555d5-a88a-42a1-a25a-49ab971b5b06.gif
Charlie wrote this musical.
charliemusicalwrote
↓
cf0e7b9e-afb3-42d1-a02e-39ab2c4476de.gif
Oh, man, it was really funny.
funny
↓
344165f8-d90b-459d-b340-1addc93c15a5.gif
I played a troll on the musical.
musicalplayedtroll
↓
74c3b5c6-6696-44d4-9487-9ac10878cc7a.gif
- A troll? - Yeah.
troll
↓
1992e7dc-8769-419e-b5f0-3f0c027232fa.gif
And it's called The Nightman Cometh.
callednightman
↓
44fa21ca-52e4-4cdf-af15-8ad006a142d8.gif
I could sing you my song, if you like.
singsong
↓
2af278d5-7d3b-4f0d-be4f-0e12dd3a5607.gif
You gotta... You gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's hole.
boysboys-holeholetolltrolltroll-toll
↓
977415d0-9c31-48b4-8110-9704b62be697.gif
I was saying, uh, "Soul." He was saying...
soul
↓
e5819ec2-e302-4fca-b58b-fab524254b35.gif
He thought I was saying, "Boy's hole."
boysboys-holehole
↓
58da046c-f5ca-4f77-9d67-d759b2aba600.gif
One of the things I like doing most is banging whores.
bangingwhores
↓
5fd33db0-c11b-4877-96b5-68263756632e.gif
I, uh, I go out and bang a lot of whores.
bangwhores
↓
98ccfb32-ad7b-4096-a8e3-60d75032939e.gif
Yeah.
↓
5a97125d-a65c-4fd3-8eb0-f877f031f2ab.gif
Listen. Here's the thing.
↓
dafc6ec7-531c-4009-9816-be6d6c962bcc.gif
I'm going to have to jump off here.
jump
↓
95a18d81-46d9-45ef-8943-9e8b4cbb30a0.gif
So, you guys enjoy the rest of the tour on your own, okay?
enjoyresttour
↓
37401d6f-cf67-4fe1-90c6-6c12868ac4f5.gif
How are we supposed to get back to our tour bus?
supposedtour
↓
54fb17f4-96ea-490b-8139-d6ada6258d59.gif
That's your problem. Welcome to Philly.
phillyproblemwelcome
↓
64e6321e-dda4-44d4-a153-88024bc3dd61.gif
No hesitation. Nah, no surrender.
hesitationsurrender
↓
d18e015d-1fca-4e1a-a48f-bb790f0cecbc.gif
No hesitation. No surrender.
hesitationsurrender
↓
5a3d7c54-09c0-4a87-b99e-20015f9e92f9.gif
No surrender. No surrender.
surrender
↓
e25615d8-6811-438d-b34d-b842473d8618.gif
No...
↓
7deb85fd-438e-4202-b8b6-a4bed1c6fc30.gif
Oh, shit!
↓
60397cce-f68e-4dfe-8f93-c30e0bc85b75.gif
I surrender.
surrender
↓
d3cbfbf7-3c43-4806-9d81-f824e05d5a7f.gif
ANNOUNCER Coming soon to a theater near you...
announcercomingneartheater
↓
ba6ba5cb-761e-46fd-afb3-85c32fc7bf6b.gif
All right. Okay, there's a nice way to do that.
↓
d2f3fe7b-0571-49af-bfce-1f2abbfe3a35.gif
There's a nice way to do that.
↓
bade2403-e209-4b9a-930e-3b8bed230c78.gif
ANNOUNCER From the director that brought you...
announcerbroughtdirector
↓
8347d77b-1065-43fa-b018-f95999644779.gif
Ooh! Ah! That's tart.
tart
↓
8694ade1-ce7e-4eb1-ba44-2bdb8a6048ff.gif
This seat taken right here?
seatseat-takentaken
↓
fa466252-fd91-403d-ba07-cd81ceff0829.gif
- Charlie, you made it. - Hey!
charlie
↓
c3e045d4-858e-4773-88c7-8979bb1c4a26.gif
What's up, Mac?
↓
db2c5c44-1deb-48bf-b48b-737e86040d48.gif
Hey, I got a seat right in the middle, bro.
middleseat
↓
719aa2b0-1950-449c-86ef-5461f1b4dfda.gif
Aw, dude, that's an awesome helmet, man.
awesomehelmet
↓
250f4ad6-400b-4600-bcfe-82cb9490d653.gif
Thanks, dude. Yo, where's Dee?
thanks
↓
ae7ed0f2-3c51-4e2f-825c-97d311038580.gif
Uh, she couldn't make it, bro.
↓
8bb028d6-403e-4f0f-83f3-8ac524992842.gif
Wasn't Thunder Gun enough. How about Dennis?
dennisthunder
↓
cb36f83a-dc44-4cbb-8efb-d490292c0416.gif
Oh, yeah, he's here.
↓
6ab3662c-8223-4b92-b3f6-d0ef51fb8581.gif
He's Thunder-Gunning some Mexican chick in the back.
chickmexicanthunder
↓
ef95db63-a274-46e3-8cab-cf17fd66a08f.gif
Nice! So, he's moving a lot faster than usual, huh?
fastermovingusual
↓
77b575c5-e445-48b1-bb06-557f3557687c.gif
- I think he's getting a hand job. - Oh, I am.
hand
↓
cf10858e-c3f0-4612-87ed-8d4eb8e9ae5d.gif
A hand job.
hand
↓
cc98b632-edfc-4cca-b091-118b9144f582.gif
Hey, can you guys, uh, maybe be quiet?
quiet
↓
fffcd4ef-f443-4a0e-aa80-ae9305707489.gif
Why don't you switch seats with us if it's bothering you so much?
botheringseatsswitchswitch-seats
↓
da39704c-3949-4979-ac83-3616a1d1b03e.gif
Just switch seats, you know what I mean? Let's just switch seats.
seatsswitchswitch-seats
↓
5b6c6b87-c50f-4a22-9daa-a20f6231ef26.gif
- Yeah, okay. All right. - That's better.
↓
e8fd24a6-a136-4fd3-a7d6-ea1c883c29a8.gif
Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
↓
68fedd48-647a-4d95-afe5-f88061ab2c56.gif
Dude.
↓
76613698-3c83-47b3-aec0-f78f30583251.gif
- Squeeze in. Squeeze... - Oh!
squeeze
↓
12cfb130-47d7-484a-86af-9314e8907698.gif
- Hey, Dee, you made it. - Yeah, you bet your ass I made it.
↓
31cad516-a818-499c-834c-13eeac1086c1.gif
My clothes are dry.
clothes
↓
8519f6a8-fa93-4b57-b340-c744b2989c91.gif
You held them over your head?
headheld
↓
a082a714-62b6-4d5f-9afc-b372bd5d2dc4.gif
- Held them over my head. - I told you that water wall was coming.
comingheadheldwallwater
↓
ffe95b40-49c5-4d97-8bc8-45c7f553dbb4.gif
Excuse me, Miss, but your stench is unbearable.
excusemissstench
↓
76052b90-56f7-4b11-966a-8b24399328f9.gif
- It's bad, isn't it? - Yes.
↓
8c1796cb-c875-4da9-a732-1b6ca2ebc043.gif
That's shit in my hair, that's why.
hair
↓
d2027e05-0ffd-49f7-b288-e9f67b3d8db8.gif
If you switch seats, I can be closer to those guys and you...
closerseatsswitchswitch-seats
↓
47a8f816-2c16-4ef2-b19d-03429c64959b.gif
- Babe, let's get outta here. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
babeoutta
↓
67aa9b97-22c4-4a6d-916c-89f5b06154cb.gif
- You won't smell as much... - Excuse me.
excusesmell
↓
30eaa707-7a4c-45d3-8ee6-16303b69fbf0.gif
And then you won't hear all the talking and...
↓
ee2618f0-5077-43bd-939f-aacb4ec0beef.gif
Okay. Don't touch me.
touch
↓
b7487b1f-0858-4ed0-b1d0-11f9228f153d.gif
- Congratulations. - This is a much better seat.
congratulationsseat
↓
ea0869d0-1f70-47fa-821a-8505166c931e.gif
- All right. So, the water wall came, huh? - Yeah, oh my... It came with a vengeance.
vengeancewallwater
↓
33ac0b15-e1ad-4534-ae1a-f805ad063391.gif
- Dennis is getting a hand job in the back. - Seriously?
dennishand
↓
051bb248-6dbc-46a3-8345-52bc02561631.gif
- Yeah. - Oh, congratulations.
congratulations
↓
a387bcbf-323f-4d12-a165-b45d02fd0ea4.gif
Well, we're all here.
↓
ed7598ff-74ab-4442-aa83-39faffb8566d.gif
Except Frank. I wonder where Frank is.
exceptfrankwonder
↓
4ee4b827-ceab-49d0-95b8-b47eb02e2bd5.gif
Okay, you got one phone call. Make it quick.
phonequick
↓
b7f10ab2-d8df-4319-a81f-740009954287.gif
Thank you, ma'am.
maam
↓
a9bae56c-2d46-4079-9280-34edb93f3a7c.gif
MAN This is 911. What is your emergency?
emergency
↓
a18ffe99-d5dd-47f5-8f4b-c2dacc52db5b.gif
I'd like to, uh, report a bomb threat.
bombbomb-threatreportthreat
↓
3fa5e8e2-b660-4fab-93e7-a504ee5ad822.gif
- That does not qualify as being... - Would you shut up?
qualify
↓
3fff6c45-f45f-43b2-a3c7-7df1056606ca.gif
The movie's about to start.
moviesstart
↓
07c129d9-d3c7-4dad-abbf-6ca54000be5c.gif
Can you shut up?
↓
01f4a6dd-bf09-47a5-8b45-047451efbd46.gif
Switch with us if you're getting so upset.
switchupset
↓
a339e4ee-4a44-4d36-968d-46593041de43.gif
- Fine. - Yeah, why don't you go up there and...
↓
10f084ad-99da-41b7-96a2-0680f4bda47d.gif
We're having a Thunder-Gun based conversation.
basedconversationhavingthunder
↓
5abe84ae-9f42-43ff-9a58-c2ce688e8e72.gif
- She has a bad attitude. - Talk about shutting up.
attitudeshutting
↓
b9767d9f-fa7f-46c2-82bd-1784b50debca.gif
Dennis, you're gonna like these seats.
dennisseats
↓
2c9d9b62-1759-482d-a67e-7f4ecf2e63e6.gif
At a certain point, it's your fault, you know what I mean?
certaincertain-pointfaultpoint
↓
d8a19bf0-e04d-40d7-b16e-6cc60b1ab236.gif
- For not moving. - All right.
moving
↓
dc68c487-9548-43e5-8a68-2c58dc7ba735.gif
This is Elena, everybody.
elenaeverybody
↓
211eb436-c3e4-41c9-8e5d-a64de9bd83b3.gif
- Oh! - It's starting. It's starting.
starting
↓
ebf6968a-a33b-45e2-ac90-bd674d3a5b23.gif
This is going to be badass!
badass
↓
9b05ea53-f769-4ca2-b0ec-07505ba2b05d.gif
What's going on?
↓
71ed3262-775c-4ee6-9f54-81d16b873283.gif
Folks, please don't panic, but we've received a bomb threat.
bombbomb-threatfolkspanicreceivedthreat
↓
9913980d-bf79-487c-8e31-f99ea355ff6f.gif
We ask that you remain calm and exit the theater in an orderly fashion.
calmexitfashionorderlyorderly-fashionremainremain-calmtheater
↓
8cbb0dd5-1c18-4ee1-bd15-7476c944a5c5.gif
Aw.
↓
42573b43-5328-4ef3-996b-fdc76f116d87.gif
- Bomb threat? - No.
bombbomb-threatthreat
↓
c016e51c-3237-4e49-8f71-4c6e3528c3b2.gif
- Bomb threat? - Oh, shit.
bombbomb-threatthreat
↓
268f5507-efe5-4e8c-a8f4-8cc7a6af3972.gif
Goddamn it, Frank.
frankgoddamngoddamn-it
↓
7962cc9f-5110-4894-a989-b8d386206a45.gif
He Thunder-Gunned all of us.
thunder
↓
4cda71b7-c37c-4696-a670-837c26b04653.gif
He Thunder-Gunned the shit out of us.
thunder
↓
8f502a88-b059-4205-9386-2d1c38bcee6b.gif
Frank?
frank
↓
042bdb3d-9209-4bea-b4c2-36edd44f787c.gif
- Frank. - Frank.
frankfrank-frank