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I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson
» S01E01 — Has This Ever Happened To You
I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson
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Season 1, Episode 1 — Has This Ever Happened To You
Obviously, I'd love to work for you,
#1
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No, you were great.
#4
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Really nice meeting you.
#7
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Nice to meet you as well.
#8
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Okay.
#9
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[door clicks]
#10
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Oh!
#11
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Looks like you push.
#12
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Oh, it does both.
#13
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Oh, okay.
#16
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Okay, see you.
#17
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[menacing music playing]
#18
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[creaking]
#19
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[creaking]
#20
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[grinding]
#21
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[creaking continuing]
#22
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[loud creaking]
#23
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[climactic music building]
#24
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[man] See?
#25
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Hope to hear from you soon.
#26
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Has this ever happened to you?
#29
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so you have to take it upon yourself
#32
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but when the guys show up,
#34
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taking huge mud pies and over-flushing?
#37
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Then they go in there together,
#38
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and you hear a bunch of scrounging around,
#39
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and then you hear a bunch of yelling,
#40
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And when you go in there to help him,
#44
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and jumping over the couches.
#49
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Until you're part of this Turbo Team,
#53
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walk... slowly!"
#54
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But then you saw in the trash
#59
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a receipt from Home Depot
#60
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for a toilet the exact same size as yours,
#61
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'cause your toilet can't suck 'em down,
#65
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and you feel sick to your stomach!
#66
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Has that ever happened to you?!
#67
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Call me right now, please.
#68
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["Blending Soul" by Soul Blenders playing]
#69
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[applause]
#70
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♪ Look at their rolls ♪
#72
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♪ Look at their folds ♪
#73
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♪ Look at their rummy, bummy tummies ♪
#74
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♪ Like so many curled canned shrimp ♪
#77
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[crooning] ♪ Are they ticklish? ♪
#78
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♪ Are they jigglish? ♪
#79
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♪ Which ones will move? ♪
#81
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♪ Which ones will talk? ♪
#82
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♪ Oh, who will be Baby of the Year? ♪
#84
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[cheering and applause]
#85
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[host] Thank you.
#86
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Welcome back.
#87
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It's been a grueling three months,
#88
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but we've narrowed it down
#89
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[cheering and applause]
#92
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From Luverne, North Dakota,
#93
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little Taffy Lee Fubbins.
#94
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[applause]
#95
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Fuck you, Harley Jarvis!
#98
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Get her out! Goddamn it!
#100
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[clears throat]
#101
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I have firmly made up my mind.
#103
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I would like more information.
#104
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This is a hard decision.
#106
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[applause]
#108
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[clears throat]
#109
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Baby Porkins is 99th percentile
#110
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in weight and 10th percentile in height.
#111
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[host chuckles]
#112
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We got a certified chode on our hands.
#113
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Little tuna can.
#114
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Ooh! Another chode.
#116
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and completely flat back of the head.
#119
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I hope you fucking die, Harley Jarvis!
#120
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Get... him... out of here!
#121
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All right, judges, do you need more time?
#124
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It's Porkins by a mile.
#125
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He's the best baby.
#127
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I'll kill myself on live TV.
#129
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Stop saying that.
#130
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All right, that... That's it.
#131
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I have to get this off my chest.
#132
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[audience clamoring]
#136
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could win it even without the oral.
#139
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His father didn't need to do the oral."
#140
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And that is why this is so tough...
#141
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for me to tell about the oral.
#142
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Oh, man, that's a bummer.
#143
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Might fuck this whole thing up.
#144
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While the judges make their decision,
#145
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let's watch our In Memoriam segment.
#146
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Oh, no.
#147
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Little Denny Doo Dinkins,
#150
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92, respiratory failure.
#151
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Shirley Cratsworth Shane,
#152
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78, car crash.
#153
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Shut up.
#155
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Little Jeffy Jeremy,
#156
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96, throat slashed.
#157
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God.
#158
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Tiny Dinky Daffy,
#162
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Yeah, okay. Sending now.
#169
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Okay.
#170
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Look what I just posted.
#171
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"Brunch with these two dumdums."
#172
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[woman 2] Oh, my gosh, so good.
#173
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"Eating crap with these sacks of shit.
#177
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So cute?
#179
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Wait, what the hell?
#180
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Oh! Okay... got it.
#185
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"Slapping down some pig shit
#188
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bae."
#193
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Jesus, Brenda...
#194
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Okay. All right. I got you.
#196
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Sunday funday with these pig dicks.
#199
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Hope nobody gulps us."
#200
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Let me try another.
#202
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Boo caught me sleeping."
#206
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You're not sleeping.
#207
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sitting on the side of a highway
#213
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getting our butts sucked by flies."
#214
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Why are you guys bullying me?
#216
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♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪
#217
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♪ Whoa, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪
#218
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All right, I'm gonna...
#219
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Oh, my... This is perfect.
#222
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Babe, we were just talking about
#223
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Won't need it, 'cause this is perfect.
#227
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[man] Thank you.
#229
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Cool, all right.
#231
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He said it works great.
#234
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Okay, cool. Thanks.
#237
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But you like it?
#238
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I like it, Lev.
#239
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Great.
#240
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Then give me back the receipt.
#241
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What?
#242
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Prove it.
#243
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You said you like it.
#244
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Give me back the gift receipt.
#245
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You don't need it anymore.
#246
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I'm just gonna put all this stuff together
#248
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Okay.
#250
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Ooh! I think I know who this is from.
#251
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If you love it as much as you say you do,
#252
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and as much as you have been saying...
#253
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Okay.
#255
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Yeah.
#256
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Here you go.
#257
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Jesus.
#258
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Um, let... Let me open... Who...?
#260
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[laughs]
#262
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Are you serious? Firefighter pugs?
#263
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This is incredible!
#265
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You'd be fine if I ate it?
#268
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Why would you eat it?
#269
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You said you liked the gift.
#270
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So you wouldn't have any qualms
#271
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Right, Rick? Right, Melissa?
#273
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Uh... I don't have any qualms.
#274
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You can eat it if you like.
#275
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Awesome.
#276
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Down the hatch, bon appétit.
#277
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[Melissa] Should we open another gift?
#278
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Ye... Yes.
#279
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[chuckles] Yes.
#280
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Uh, okay, how about this one?
#281
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I think I know what's in this one.
#282
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Oh, whoa!
#283
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This is so interesting. Thank you.
#285
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[Lev] I hate to do this,
#286
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What are you talking about?
#288
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you must have used
#290
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and you got mud pie on your hands,
#292
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and then you touched the receipt,
#293
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and then I ate the receipt,
#294
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No, I eat paper all the time!
#297
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What I don't like to make a habit of doing
#298
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is eating mud pie!
#299
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Okay, you guys, calm down! This is insane!
#301
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There's a simple solution to this.
#302
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[Melissa] I'll do it.
#307
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I'll eat the receipt to solve the problem.
#308
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And Jacob doesn't touch it!
#309
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then that means that paper makes you sick.
#311
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But if Melissa doesn't get sick,
#312
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then that means Lev ate the mud pie.
#313
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There is no mud pies, okay?
#314
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And I genuinely like the gifts.
#315
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Swear to fucking God?
#316
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Yes.
#317
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Then let my wife eat the fucking receipt.
#318
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[murmuring]
#319
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Oka... Okay.
#320
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Now... someone hand me the receipt.
#323
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Jacob, don't you get anywhere near that!
#324
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[Melissa inhales deeply]
#325
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fine.
#327
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[groans in pain]
#331
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[Rick] Jacob was lying about the mud pie.
#332
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as grabbing too small a slice,
#334
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You piece of shit!
#338
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Somebody call 911.
#340
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Tell 'em it's...
#342
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the ugly house on Kenmore.
#343
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♪ Happy birthday... ♪
#345
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Everybody, let's get out of here.
#348
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This place is covered head-to-toe in shit.
#349
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[footsteps]
#350
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[sighs]
#351
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[Lev] All you had to do...
#352
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was like the gift...
#353
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It's not a big deal.
#355
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then I ate the mud pie,
#357
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now my stomach's absolutely fucked.
#358
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[sighs]
#359
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Shouldn't have had such a sloppy mud pie.
#360
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Get off me, man.
#361
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Fine!
#362
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Nobody likes your house anyway.
#363
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[melancholic instrumental music playing]
#364
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You should know...
#365
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Now look at you...
#367
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all alone.
#368
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Everybody's going to party at my house.
#369
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Happy birthday, Jacob.
#370
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I just...
#371
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I just hope Lev's all right.
#373
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Lev, what's your address?
#375
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[screams]
#376
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