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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S06E07 — Who Got Dee Pregnant?

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 6, Episode 7 — Who Got Dee Pregnant?

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: Who Got Dee Pregnant?

Air date: October 28, 2010

Director: Randall Einhorn

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

The gang gets a real scare after Dee reveals she's pregnant, forcing the guys to recall their last hazy Halloween party to determine who the father is.

Source: TMDB

↓

I'm so pumped, dude.

pumped

↓

I hope I get to see at least one ancient spirit.

ancient hope least spirit

↓

We should get chalk and some erasers,

chalk

↓

because that dust cloud really shows the laser beam alarms.

alarms beam cloud dust laser laser-beam shows

↓

- So you can see… - Get a dust cloud going.

cloud dust

↓

We got to spend a lot of time in the Civil War section.

civil section spend

↓

No, we're not doing the Civil War section, Frank.

civil frank section

↓

We are gonna hit up ancient Egypt. Excited about that.

ancient excited

↓

- We're sticking together. - Just so I'm clear,

clear sticking

↓

you guys don't actually think that things are going to come alive

alive

↓

because you're spending the night in a museum?

museum night spending

↓

Sorry, but we're opening ourselves up to

opening

↓

the possibility of an adventure this evening.

adventure evening possibility

↓

Is there something wrong with that?

↓

Now, whether that means Charlie running into his ancient spirits

ancient charlie running spirits whether

↓

or us having to just run away from security guards all night,

guards having night security

↓

either way, it's gonna be a great time.

↓

It's gonna be better than sticking around the bar,

sticking

↓

watching you eat sandwich after sandwich.

sandwich watching

↓

What is the matter with you?

matter

↓

You've been stuffing your face for days.

days face stuffing

↓

It's fatness. It's a person becoming fat before your eyes.

becoming eyes person

↓

I don't even know how to make the bird jokes anymore.

anymore bird jokes

↓

- They don't apply. - I'm not fat. I'm pregnant.

apply pregnant

↓

I feel like you say that all the time now.

↓

You better do yourself a favor and flush it out.

favor flush

↓

You've definitely said that before. You're right.

↓

Since we're all saying things that we say all the time, I'll reiterate,

reiterate

↓

Dee, we don't care about you, your body, your baby,

baby body care

↓

or that baby bird that you're probably carrying inside of you.

baby bird carrying

↓

- Right. - Oh, really?

↓

Well, you should give a shit, 'cause one of you is the father.

father

↓

- What? - What the hell you talking about?

↓

The Halloween party, where one of you got me pregnant.

halloween halloween-party party pregnant

↓

But since you guys don't care about me, my body, my baby,

baby body care

↓

or whatever it was that you were saying, we shouldn't talk about it.

↓

You guys are on your way to a museum to spend the night. Have a great time.

museum night spend

↓

Oh, shit.

↓

What is she even talking about?

↓

Got her pregnant at the Halloween party? What?

halloween halloween-party party pregnant

↓

I don't remember. I was wasted.

remember wasted

↓

Yeah, me, too. I browned out that evening.

evening

↓

"Browned out"? What's "browned out"?

↓

Oh, it's when you drink so much that everything goes brown.

brown drink

↓

It's not as severe as a blackout, 'cause I remember bits and pieces.

bits blackout pieces remember severe

↓

I like to call it "browning out."

↓

- Never heard of that before. - With good reason,

heard reason

↓

because Mac made it up on the spot.

spot

↓

- I did. - You did. That's a great term.

term

↓

- "Browning out"? - You like it?

↓

- I love it. - Thank you.

love

↓

I'm pretty sure, at a point, we all probably browned out.

point

↓

So our best chance at figuring this out

best best-chance chance figuring

↓

is for us to all put our browns together,

browns

↓

mash them together and try and figure out which one

figure mash

↓

of you two banged my sister.

banged sister

↓

Let's not overuse the "brown" thing right in the beginning.

beginning brown

↓

Yeah, but once you throw a term like that out,

term throw

↓

and everybody likes it, it's fair game.

everybody everybody-likes fair game likes

↓

- We can use it whenever we want. - It's public domain.

public

↓

- Public domain. - Now we're trying to figure out

figure public

↓

- who banged Dee. - That's important.

banged

↓

Let's not focus on the "brown" thing,

brown focus

↓

even though I'm gonna use it a lot,

↓

probably a lot right now.

↓

So here's what I remember from my brown state.

brown remember state

↓

I remember we were all in costume,

costume remember

↓

and our costumes were pretty cool, except for yours.

cool costumes except

↓

I was really pissed off at you, because we agreed to go as Mario and Luigi.

agreed luigi mario pissed

↓

I held up my end of the bargain.

bargain held

↓

You showed up wearing a different costume at the last minute.

costume minute showed wearing

↓

Dude, what are you doing? Where's your Mario costume?

costume mario

↓

No, I went with a sexier look.

sexier

↓

Sexy? Bro, we agreed on funny over sexy this year,

agreed funny sexy

↓

so we could disarm the ladies.

ladies

↓

You don't remember this conversation? Without my Mario, what am I?

conversation mario remember

↓

I'm just some weird Italian plumber. I look like an asshole.

asshole italian plumber weird

↓

What is that? What even is that?

↓

I'm that character from Lord of the Rings, "Viggio Morgenstein."

character lord rings

↓

That is not the character's name. That's the actor's name.

actors characters name

↓

You're not even getting that right.

↓

You're totally boning me here. Do you realize that?

realize

↓

Yo, yo, yo! Look at the turnout for our "par-tay."

turnout

↓

I want to suck your blood!

blood suck

↓

It's Twilight time! Time for blood sucking.

blood sucking

↓

Yeah, dude, I'm doing a vampire thing!

vampire

↓

'Cause chicks are all into vampires and stuff

chicks stuff

↓

'cause of the stupid Twilight movie and other crap.

movie stupid

↓

What if the waitress is into it? This is my best shot!

best best-shot shot waitress

↓

You are dressed like the Phantom of the Opera. He's not a vampire.

dressed opera vampire

↓

- He eats theater people. - He doesn't.

eats theater

↓

- I think he might. - He does.

might

↓

And I'm surprised you even know who the Phantom of the Opera is.

opera surprised

↓

- He might not. - He doesn't.

might

↓

- No, I don't. I don't. - This party blows.

blows party

↓

There's no studs here. No beef in the freezer, you know?

beef freezer

↓

Dee, why would you wear a costume with giant wings?

costume giant wear wings

↓

- I'm a sexy angel. - Are we supposed to pretend

angel pretend sexy supposed

↓

like you're not dressed like a giant bird?

bird dressed giant giant-bird

↓

If you're gonna be sexy, don't dress like a bird.

bird dress sexy

↓

I didn't dress like a bird. I'm clearly an angel.

angel bird dress

↓

- No. - Besides, did you guys see that cooze

besides cooze

↓

over there dressing like a peacock?

dressing peacock

↓

Big, giant bird. Green bird.

bird giant giant-bird green

↓

- Ooh! - Ooh!

↓

She wears it well.

wears

↓

Woof, woof. She wears it very well.

wears woof

↓

She wears it so well that I have now pinpointed her

wears

↓

as my prey for the evening.

evening prey

↓

Yeah! She will be mine.

↓

I'm gonna go get that process started right now.

process started

↓

Out of my way, bird.

bird

↓

This is all sounding right. I remember this.

remember sounding

↓

Yeah? This all sounds right to you? Okay.

sounds

↓

It was later in the evening, and things had progressed,

evening

↓

'cause we were all starting to get lit at this point.

point starting

↓

But, see, I distinctly remember there being

distinctly remember

↓

some commotion at the other end of the bar.

commotion

↓

Hey, leave us alone! Just stop it!

alone

↓

This lady, she sounded like she was in a fair amount of distress,

amount distress fair lady sounded

↓

but I didn't really give a shit, because despite looking like a cartoon bricklayer,

cartoon despite looking

↓

I was starting to get pretty close to sealing the deal with the peacock lady.

close deal lady peacock starting

↓

Look, dude, you've been bugging me all night, okay?

bugging night

↓

I think your costume's weird, you're creepy,

costumes creepy weird

↓

and I just want you to leave me alone.

alone

↓

Yeah. Yes. Yes.

↓

- Stupid costume is so sexy. - What?

costume sexy stupid

↓

I can't believe it, man. She takes advantage of me.

advantage believe takes

↓

She's like, "Oh, my God, you look so sexy! I'm gonna sex you all up!"

sexy

↓

I'm like, "You're just my friend! Get your sex off me!"

friend

↓

And then she gets all sexy with me, 'cause I've got

sexy

↓

the sexiest costume in the world on!

costume sexiest world

↓

- I hate it! - Did you want to get rid of that costume?

costume hate

↓

Yes, I want to get rid of the costume!

costume

↓

You have any idea what it's like to be this sexy?

idea sexy

↓

- Can I have your costume? - Yeah.

costume

↓

- Really? - I didn't even wanna be…

↓

- Yeah! - Let's switch.

switch

↓

Come on, let's go switch. You'll be okay, buddy.

buddy switch

↓

Yes! It's all coming back to me now. You came over to me.

coming

↓

We agreed to switch costumes. You gave me your sexy costume,

agreed costume costumes sexy switch

↓

and I was able to fell the seductive temptress finally.

able fell finally

↓

Oh, yeah, so I did have sex with the peacock lady.

lady peacock

↓

Yeah, awesome. Ah, that's so awesome, dude.

awesome

↓

Well, mystery solved. I mean… Awesome!

awesome mystery mystery-solved solved

↓

- That's not the mystery. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

mystery

↓

That you banged the peacock chick is not the mystery.

banged chick mystery peacock

↓

The Dee thing is the mystery. Right. Dee…

mystery

↓

Somebody had sex with Dee, and she got pregnant. Whatever. Okay.

pregnant somebody

↓

Clearly, from that story, Charlie, you're the one that banged her.

banged charlie story

↓

That's why you were feeling so much remorse,

feeling

↓

and you had tears coming out of your eye.

coming tears

↓

Who wouldn't feel that way after banging…

banging

↓

Ah, shit, dude. Oh, shit.

↓

'Cause the way you're telling that story,

story telling

↓

it definitely sounds like that, 'cause I remember crying!

crying remember sounds

↓

No.

↓

Those were tears of joy.

tears

↓

Yes, and it wasn't 'cause of Dee, obviously.

obviously

↓

I remember this now. I remember this, all right?

remember

↓

Frank and Artemis weresitting at the bar,

artemis frank

↓

and they were in the middle of a big argument.

argument middle

↓

I was with the McPoyle brothers over at the jukebox,

brothers jukebox mcpoyle

↓

and I just finalized a delicate truce with them.

delicate truce

↓

So if you guys are cool, then I'm totally cool.

cool

↓

- We're cool as cucumbers. - Bump it.

bump cool

↓

This time I will bump it. The truce is on!

bump truce

↓

We bumped fists, and Dee walked by.

bumped fists walked

↓

- Oh, hey, Dee. - Hey, Charlie. Great costume.

charlie costume

↓

- Yeah, you, too. - Thanks.

thanks

↓

Like the feathers.

feathers

↓

And just then the waitress came in.

waitress

↓

Hey, I see you received my invitation.

invitation received

↓

Yeah, Charlie, I received all 100 of them.

charlie received

↓

Who's this jerk?

jerk

↓

This is my new boyfriend. He's here to protect me.

boyfriend protect

↓

Oh, wait. This is the guy you were telling me about.

telling

↓

- Hey. - Hey.

↓

- The lady's taken. - Get out of my face, bro.

face ladys taken

↓

- Really? - Yeah, really.

↓

- You want to get your ass kicked? - Leave us alone.

alone kicked

↓

- I have to defend your honor! - Please stop it!

defend honor

↓

Mac, get my back.

↓

Oh, goddamn it! I got milk all over me!

goddamn goddamn-it milk

↓

That was insanely masculine.

insanely masculine

↓

I made out with the waitress! That's amazing, man!

amazing waitress

↓

I got to call her. I'm out of here.

↓

- Didn't happen. - What?

happen

↓

- No? - That's not the way it happened.

happened

↓

- No? - No. You got parts of it right,

parts

↓

but you're leaving out some major things.

leaving major

↓

Let me set the damn record straight.

record record-straight straight

↓

First of all, don't say I went as Spider-Man. I didn't go as Spider-Man.

spider

↓

I was Man-Spider.

spider

↓

Totally different!

↓

Yes, I was having an argument with Artemis

argument artemis having

↓

because a couple weeks before, we had some makeup sex

couple couple-weeks makeup weeks

↓

in a dumpster out in the back of Wendy's.

dumpster wendys

↓

Yeah! Yeah!

↓

She incorporated a bun in the lovemaking.

incorporated lovemaking

↓

She took the dough

dough

↓

and rolled it up into a ball, and then she…

ball rolled

↓

We were going berserk. She loves that kind of stuff. And I admit, I do, too.

admit berserk loves stuff

↓

Frank, we don't need to hear this part of the story, okay?

frank part story

↓

Can you tell us about Halloween night? Stick to that.

halloween night stick

↓

Okay. We were arguing

arguing

↓

because she wanted another dumpster hump, and I wantedto stay at the party.

another dumpster hump party wanted

↓

So I walked away. That's when you were doing your thing.

walked

↓

- I'm gonna kick your ass, bro! - Leave us alone!

alone kick

↓

- I have to defend your honor! - Please stop!

defend honor

↓

- Mac, get my back! - I'm here, buddy!

buddy

↓

Goddamn it! I got milk all over me!

goddamn goddamn-it milk

↓

You are insane!

insane

↓

Insanely masculine.

insanely masculine

↓

It was Artemis that took advantage of you

advantage artemis

↓

because she was trying to make me jealous.

jealous

↓

After you broke free,

broke free

↓

you wandered off muttering something about the costumebeing too sexy.

muttering sexy wandered

↓

Not from you!

↓

It's the stupid sexy costume!

costume sexy stupid

↓

Ah, shit. Somebody please tell me Frank's memory is not correct.

correct franks memory somebody

↓

Knock, knock, dick-faces.

dick faces knock knock-knock

↓

Artie, thanks for coming so quick.

artie coming quick thanks

↓

Listen, we're trying to piece together a night, and we need some guidance.

guidance night piece

↓

I don't remember that night.

night remember

↓

I didn't tell you which night yet.

night

↓

I don't remember most evenings.

evenings remember

↓

You can try me, but I will not promise you anything.

promise

↓

- Last Halloween. - Oh, Halloween.

halloween

↓

- Anything ring a bell? - That was quite a night.

bell night ring

↓

I suppose I do recall a few bits and pieces.

bits pieces recall suppose

↓

- What happened? - Spill.

happened spill

↓

Well, I was angry at you…

angry

↓

because of an incident that happened a few weeks before…

happened incident weeks

↓

where you and I were in the Dumpster behind Wendy's.

behind dumpster wendys

↓

I incorporated a hamburger bun…

hamburger incorporated

↓

This is not the part that… Why does everybody think we wanna know about that?

everybody part

↓

Because it's really interesting and innovative,

innovative interesting

↓

and I thought maybe you'd want some lessons.

lessons

↓

- Did you make out with me? - I sure did.

↓

And it worked like a charm.

charm worked

↓

I had Frank all to myself for a month straight.

frank month straight

↓

All right, let's get back to Halloween.

halloween

↓

Anything else that happened that night… like Deandra getting pregnant?

deandra happened night pregnant

↓

Oh, well, that makes sense. Mac slept with her at the party.

makes makes-sense party sense slept

↓

What?

↓

What are you talking about?

↓

I'm talking about the sounds of hot, passionate lovemaking…

lovemaking passionate sounds

↓

that was coming from the bathroom that I had heard with my own two ear-balls.

balls bathroom coming heard

↓

After the fight and the kiss,

fight kiss

↓

Mac had blood all over his knuckles and went to the bathroom to wash it off.

bathroom blood knuckles wash

↓

Dee was incensed that her costume was covered in milk.

costume covered milk

↓

She went to the bathroom to clean up.

bathroom clean

↓

But the line for the ladies' room was too long,

ladies ladies-room line room

↓

so she went to the men's room.

mens mens-room room

↓

Frank started to apologize to me, and after a few minutes,

apologize frank minutes started

↓

we decided to have makeup sex in the men's room.

decided makeup mens mens-room room

↓

But the door was locked, and I heard the passionate, unmistakable sounds…

door heard locked passionate sounds

↓

of lovemaking coming from inside.

coming lovemaking

↓

Mac was making love to Sweet Dee in the bathroom,

bathroom love sweet

↓

so Frank and I had to sneak outside to my station wagon,

frank sneak station wagon

↓

where we gave each other hand jobs.

hand hand-jobs jobs

↓

Well, there you have it. Mac's the dad.

macs

↓

Mac's the dad! Chant with me. No…

macs

↓

- Mac's the dad! Let's go! - No, I'm not the…

macs

↓

I'm not the dad, okay, Charlie? Just trust me on that.

charlie trust

↓

Hey, all the evidence is pointing towards you, pal.

evidence pointing

↓

Yes, there were passionate sounds of lovemaking

lovemaking passionate sounds

↓

coming from the bathroom, but it wasn't me and Dee.

bathroom coming

↓

Damn it. I was hoping I wouldn't have to admit this,

admit hoping

↓

but I guess I have to tell you.

↓

Okay, here goes.

↓

I was in the back of the bar when the commotion began,

began commotion

↓

and I heard Charlie cry out for help.

charlie heard

↓

He was about to get his ass kicked by that giant dude.

giant kicked

↓

Mac, help me, please! I need you!

↓

- There was no time for an ocular pat-down. - Not in my bar, bro.

ocular

↓

I secured the area, and I retained order… like I always do.

area order

↓

Everybody chill.

chill everybody

↓

It's cool now.

cool

↓

I had a tremendous amount of douche bag bloodall over my knuckles,

amount douche knuckles tremendous

↓

so I went to the bathroom to clean it off.

bathroom clean

↓

- That's when Dee came in. - Oh, hey, Dee.

↓

Look, I do not give a shit about your problems, Dee, okay?

problems

↓

I'm still pumped up from that ass-whooping. Did you see that?

pumped whooping

↓

I don't give a shit, Dee, okay?

↓

I don't know how you're gonna get all that milk off of you.

milk

↓

What is that supposed to mean?

supposed

↓

Okay, you know what? Shoo. Shoo. Get out of here. Shoo. Shoo!

shoo

↓

Get out of here. Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Come on!

shoo

↓

Get out! Get out!

↓

So annoying.

annoying

↓

Whoa! Margaret, what are you doing here?

margaret whoa

↓

God, that is so gross.

gross

↓

You're always doing that. Are you trying to tell me something?

↓

Is that, like, a sexual thing?

sexual

↓

All right. Let's do this.

↓

Hold on a second. So are you telling us

second telling

↓

that you had sex with Margaret McPoyle that night?

margaret mcpoyle night

↓

Yes.

↓

Ooh.

↓

- Yeah. - Well, you know,

↓

we got to go confront the McPoyles about this now.

confront mcpoyles

↓

Yeah, we got to confirm this whole story.

confirm story whole whole-story

↓

The only consistent part about every single one of these stories

consistent part single stories

↓

is that the McPoyles were there, and they were drinking milk,

drinking mcpoyles milk

↓

which means they were stone-cold sober that night.

cold night sober stone stone-cold

↓

They could probably confirm the truth.

confirm truth

↓

Ah, shit.

↓

Last Halloween. Hmm.

halloween

↓

And Dee's pregnant, huh?

dees pregnant

↓

I remember that night well.

night remember

↓

As do I. Quite well.

↓

You were all very, very, very drunk.

drunk

↓

- Quite drunk. - You should feel shame.

drunk shame

↓

Okay, don't give us your judgments, all right?

judgments

↓

- Can you tell us what you remember? - What happened?

happened remember

↓

Well, we just finished accepting Charles's terrible, terrible truce.

accepting finished truce

↓

That's, like, the whole truce. You know, that's all there is to it.

truce whole

↓

And if you guys are cool with it, then I'll be perfectly cool with it.

cool perfectly

↓

- Whatever. - Just go away. Your breath is awful.

awful breath

↓

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

↓

All right, well, bump it?

bump

↓

What about this one? You bump?

bump

↓

That's cool.

cool

↓

Cool, guys. Good truce, good truce, good truce.

cool truce

↓

- Ah, hey, Dee. - Shut up.

↓

Yep. Yep.

↓

Uh, hello, hello, hello, hello!

↓

I see you received my invitation.

invitation received

↓

I'm sorry. Do I know you?

↓

- Who's this jerk? - Uh, this is my boyfriend.

boyfriend jerk

↓

- What the hell? - Whoa. Time out. What's going on here?

whoa

↓

The lady's taken, buddy!

buddy ladys taken

↓

- Yeah, I know she is! - Who are you?

↓

- You want to get your ass kicked? - Leave us alone!

alone kicked

↓

I have to defend your honor!

defend honor

↓

Mac, get my back!

↓

Goddamn it! I got milk all over me!

goddamn goddamn-it milk

↓

Viggio Morgenstein!

↓

Hey.

↓

I'm insanely high on mescaline.

insanely

↓

Are you telling me that wasn't even the waitress?

telling waitress

↓

Not at all.

↓

After the fight, Mac went to the bathroom

bathroom fight

↓

to wash that poor girl's blood off his hands.

blood girls hands poor wash

↓

And Dee followed.

followed

↓

They were only in there a short moment together before Dee came back out.

moment short

↓

Mac kicked her out of the bathroom

bathroom kicked

↓

so he could make sweet love to Margaret in private.

love margaret private sweet sweet-love

↓

I heard you gave quite a performance, Macwell.

heard performance

↓

Mmm.

↓

Mmm!

↓

- Mmm! - Oh!

↓

Okay, that's enough, all right?

↓

God, that's your sister.

sister

↓

- Uh… - Yeah.

↓

You know what? Just move past it. Tell the story, please.

past story

↓

She's still expecting a call.

expecting

↓

That's not gonna happen, so just move past it.

happen past

↓

You will call her!

↓

Jesus, man, I'm sorry. Fine, I'll call her.

jesus

↓

As I was saying,

↓

Dee came out of the bathroom in quite a rage.

bathroom rage

↓

Stupid costume.

costume stupid

↓

Everybody calling me a bird.

bird calling everybody

↓

She accosted the girl you were all ogling that evening.

evening girl

↓

Hey, you, everybody thinks you're so hot, huh? You big hot bird.

bird everybody thinks

↓

Well, I tell you what. You take it off and switch with me.

switch

↓

What are you talking about? Me, mine…

↓

This is mine now. Switch it.

switch

↓

- Uh, I don't think so. - "Oh, I don't think so."

↓

I didn't ask you, okay?

↓

Listen. All right, number one, it's a win-win for both of us.

number

↓

That weird plumber, he's gonna leave you alone.

alone plumber weird

↓

That's good, right? And then the second great thing for you

second

↓

is I'm not gonna beat the shit out of you, so let's go.

beat

↓

Dee came out of the bathroom in her new costume feeling quite saucy.

bathroom costume feeling saucy

↓

Call me a bird all night. Making fun, saying names.

bird fun names night

↓

Well, let's see who's sexy now, dickwads.

sexy

↓

'Cause I look good.

↓

Dee was clearly on a warpath…

↓

to prove to one of you that she was indeed sexy.

indeed prove sexy

↓

The best way to do that was to trick one of you into making love.

best love trick

↓

Knowing that Charlie was the weakest

charlie knowing weakest

↓

and by far the most vulnerable,

vulnerable

↓

she assumed he would be the easiest to takeadvantage of.

assumed easiest

↓

And so she took Charlie into the back office and had her way with him.

charlie office

↓

You should see the look on your face.

face

↓

It's good enough to eat.

↓

No. Hold on a second. That wasn't me.

second

↓

- What? - I switched costumes with Dennis.

costumes dennis switched

↓

That was Dennis.

dennis

↓

So Dennis thought Deandra was the peacock chick.

chick deandra dennis peacock

↓

And Dee thought that Dennis was Charlie?

charlie dennis

↓

So Dee thinks that I'm the dad, but, Dennis, you're the dad!

dennis thinks

↓

Delightful.

delightful

↓

Oh, shit. I'm gonna be sick.

sick

↓

Go. Do it.

↓

Feel it. Let it out.

↓

Let's just… Let's just get out of here.

↓

Don't flush.

flush

↓

- Dee! - Deandra!

deandra

↓

Dee! Dee!

↓

- Deandra! - Yeah!

deandra

↓

This is bad! This is real bad!

real

↓

You thought you had sex with Charlie,

charlie

↓

but it was Dennis that you went into the back room with.

dennis room

↓

See?

↓

I had sex with you. It was sex with me.

↓

He threw up the whole way over here, Dee.

threw whole

↓

Dennis is the father of that baby.

baby dennis father

↓

We got to get you and that monster that's in your gut down to Mexico A.S.A.P.!

mexico monster

↓

Are you kidding me? I did not have sex with Dennis.

dennis kidding

↓

Yes, you did! Yeah… All right, look, look.

↓

You went in the back office with him, not me.

office

↓

You thought it was me, you wanted sex from me! But you got sex from Dennis!

dennis wanted

↓

You're saying that because I went into the back office alone with Dennis,

alone dennis office

↓

that I must have had sex with him?

must

↓

Gross! No! That did not happen.

gross happen

↓

Have you guys been obsessing about this all night long?

night obsessing

↓

- Yes! - Yeah?

↓

We were trying to figure out who the father is.

father figure

↓

If it's not Dennis, who is it?

dennis

↓

- It's none of you. - Huh?

↓

No, none of you are the father.

father

↓

I told you that 'cause you were making fun of me for eating the sandwich,

eating fun sandwich

↓

and I thought it would upset you and get you going, and it worked.

upset worked

↓

You guys have been obsessing about this all night.

night obsessing

↓

So, wait…

↓

Are you absolutely sure that you and I did not have sex,

absolutely

↓

and that that's not my…

↓

Uh, yeah.

↓

- Whoa! Ho, ho! - Whoo!

whoa whoo

↓

Yeah, but I'll tell you what.

↓

I'm not gonna tell you who the father is.

father

↓

- Who gives a shit? - Yeah.

gives

↓

You all give a shit. You just said so. You were up all night.

night

↓

You were thinking about it all night long.

night thinking

↓

That was before, when you said it was one of us.

↓

- Now that it's not one of us, I mean… - Who cares?

cares

↓

- Who cares, right? - It's no big deal.

cares deal

↓

- Yeah, we don't care. - All right. Oh, my God.

care

↓

I got to take a… Oh, Jesus.

jesus

↓

- Whoo, ooh! - Whoa, baby!

baby whoa whoa-baby whoo

↓

Whoo!

whoo

↓

- This close, baby. - That is a load off my shoulders, man.

baby close load shoulders

↓

- I really dodged a bullet on that one. - You did, man.

bullet dodged

↓

- Well, we all did. We all did. - Hey, what about the museum?

museum

↓

- Huh? - Yes!

↓

- We could do it. - Boom.

boom

↓

There's still time! Dee, we're out of here!

↓

You look like a turkey! Yeah.

turkey

↓

- I would say, you look like an ostrich! - Yes!

ostrich

↓

- Right? - That's pretty good.

↓

You know, I want to call her an emu,

↓

- but I want to save it for, you know… - Save it, save it, save it.

save

↓

You are a big, fat, flightless bird!

bird flightless

↓

- Yeah, yeah! - Those are all…

↓

- Those are all… - Yeah, I mean…

↓

Just sort of the general whatever.

general