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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S06E06 — Mac's Mom Burns Her House Down

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 6, Episode 6 — Mac's Mom Burns Her House Down

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: Mac's Mom Burns Her House Down

Air date: October 21, 2010

Director: Matt Shakman

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

Mac's mother is left homeless after she burns down her house, which leaves Charlie and Mac with no choice but to make new living arrangements; when Dee feels under the weather, Frank tries to muster his paternal instincts to care for her.

Source: TMDB

↓

Dee, what are you doing?

↓

I got a tickle, a really bad one.

tickle

↓

Oh, shit. Are you getting sick? If you're getting sick, stay away from us.

sick

↓

No, no, no. I can't be getting sick.

sick

↓

I gotta be able to talk to Groban tomorrow.

able groban tomorrow

↓

- Who? - Josh Groban. Artemis and I got

artemis groban josh josh-groban

↓

backstage passes to his concert in the park tomorrow.

backstage concert park passes tomorrow

↓

Charles Grodin is coming in concert, and you didn't tell us?

charles charles-grodin coming concert grodin

↓

Aw! We love Charles Grodin. That dude is hysteri… I love that guy.

charles charles-grodin grodin love

↓

He brings out the curmudgeon in me.

brings

↓

No. Different guy. Josh Groban is who I'm talking about.

groban josh josh-groban

↓

Josh Groban. Oh. Is he Charles Grodin's son?

charles groban josh josh-groban

↓

He's probably funny. What do you think?

funny

↓

If he's related to Charles Grodin, he is. Don't worry about that.

charles charles-grodin grodin related worry

↓

Two totally different people.

↓

Charles Grodin is a bitter old man with a giant head,

bitter charles charles-grodin giant grodin head

↓

and Josh Groban is a beautiful singer with the voice of an angel.

angel groban josh josh-groban singer voice

↓

- Oh, he's a singer. - Call Charles Grodin

charles charles-grodin grodin singer

↓

a bitter old man one more time and see what happens!

bitter happens

↓

- Ooh, calm down. - All right. Sorry.

calm

↓

All right. No big deal. I got to go home anyway. I should rest.

deal home rest

↓

Stay aw… Come on.

↓

No. Don't come near me. Don't make me sick.

near sick

↓

All right. All right. Don't touch me with that.

touch

↓

- Stop it. - Don't make me sick.

sick

↓

- Get out. - Mom, Mom! Calm down! Calm down!

calm

↓

Listen to me. Here's what you do.

↓

You close the curtains, and you mind your own business, right?

business close curtains mind

↓

No, they're not terrorists! They're just Muslims.

terrorists

↓

Okay, well, I'm gonna hang up, okay? Hanging up.

hang hanging

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Unbelievable, dude. Ever since my Uncle Jack moved out, my mom's going crazy.

crazy jack moms moved unbelievable uncle uncle-jack

↓

She's like, "Help me with this. Help me with that.

↓

"Wash the floor. Wash the ceiling. Clean my car. Get this.

ceiling clean floor wash

↓

"Fix that. Are there spiders here?"

spiders

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I'm sorry. The woman who brought you into the world and raised you needs you,

brought needs raised woman world

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and you're gonna ignore her?

ignore

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Dude, it's crazy shit. It's insane shit.

crazy insane

↓

And I can't be constantly taking care of her.

care constantly

↓

I don't blame you, man. I'm very much looking forward

blame forward looking looking-forward

↓

to not taking care of anyone when I'm older.

care older

↓

Well, what? What, you're not gonna take care of me when I'm old?

care

↓

Hell, no, I'm not gonna take care of you. You were a terrible father to me.

care father

↓

I'll get Deandra to take care of me. She'll take care of me.

care deandra shell

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Dee's not going to take care of you. You chased her out of here

care chased dees

↓

with a pool cue 'cause she had a little cough.

cough pool

↓

Forget about it.

forget

↓

- That's her. - Answer the phone, Charlie.

answer charlie phone

↓

I'm just gonna let it ring, 'cause it's crazy shit.

crazy ring

↓

Charlie, answer the goddamn phone!

answer charlie goddamn phone

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- It's not anything serious, Mac! - Just answer…

answer serious

↓

What? Hello? What? What is it?

↓

Yeah.

↓

Oh, well, that is a serious thing.

serious

↓

Okay. I'll let him know.

↓

Mac, your mom burned her house down.

burned house

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Hey-oh! Good news, Dennis. Mom's okay.

dennis moms news

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She fell asleep with a lit cigarette in her mouth

asleep cigarette fell fell-asleep mouth

↓

and burned the house down, but the good news is she's fine.

burned house news

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Uh, oh, great. Yeah.

↓

- Where is she going to be staying? - Here, of course.

course staying

↓

- I'll stay in a shelter. - Hey, there's an idea! Shelter.

idea shelter

↓

Absolutely not.

absolutely

↓

Okay. What about a nice nursing home?

home nursing nursing-home

↓

Nursing home? Do you have any idea what happens

happens home idea nursing nursing-home

↓

in those places, dude? Why don't I just rape her myself?

places rape

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Rape her? What are you talking about? What?

rape

↓

Yo, got your dog.

↓

Poppins! Hey, buddy! How you doing?

buddy poppins

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Poppins? My God, I can't believe that dog's not dead.

believe dead dogs poppins

↓

Didn't you get him when you were, like, 10?

↓

Oh, yeah. This dog is indestructible, dude.

indestructible

↓

Yeah, that dog's nasty, man.

dogs nasty

↓

He was coughing the whole way over here. He ate cigarette butts off the ground.

butts cigarette coughing ground whole

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He's got a wheeze. He might have emphysema.

might

↓

That's possible. It wouldn't slow him down, though.

possible slow

↓

He's a survivor. He would disappear for months,

disappear months survivor

↓

but he would always come home.

home

↓

It looks like his eye is falling out.

falling

↓

- Oh, is it? When it just bulges? - Yeah. It bulges out a little bit there.

↓

Yeah. What you do is you just pop it back in with your knuckle.

knuckle

↓

I'll show you how to do it. Yeah, it's really easy.

easy

↓

- I'm never going to do that. - You're gonna touch his eye

touch

↓

- with your knuckle? - You just sort of pop it back in.

knuckle

↓

Oh. Hang on a second.

hang second

↓

What, Mom, what?

↓

I'm not gonna vacuum your ceiling.

ceiling vacuum

↓

Um, because I already did it, okay?

↓

Plastic splinters are the same as… You won't get a splinter!

plastic splinter

↓

I gotta deal with this. Mom is…

deal

↓

- No, wait. Hold on a second. - It's back in, Dennis.

dennis second

↓

- Check it out. - Yeah, I don't care.

care check

↓

I have an idea that's gonna solve all of our problems here. I do.

idea problems solve

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Your moms are gonna live together. Now hear me out. This is gonna be great.

live moms

↓

Okay, Mac, your mom burned down her house with a cigarette, right?

burned cigarette house

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Charlie, Uncle Jack moved out of your mom's house, so she's lonely.

charlie house jack lonely moms moms-house moved uncle uncle-jack

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She's got no one to talk to. Boom. Mrs. Mac, your mom together.

boom

↓

Could be the perfect situation. Come on.

perfect situation

↓

They could be like The Golden Girls.

girls golden

↓

A couple of old ladies getting together, chasing men, eating cheesecake.

chasing cheesecake couple eating ladies

↓

- That'd be cool. - Sure. Whatever.

cool thatd

↓

I'm loving that idea, but mom's gonna be a tough sell.

idea loving moms sell tough

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Uh-huh. I'll talk her into it.

↓

Oh, it popped back out.

popped

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- What the hell are you doing? - What?

↓

- What the hell are you doing? - Oh, I went to the health food store.

food health store

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I just grabbed a whole bunch of shit. It's supposed to boost my immune system.

boost bunch grabbed immune supposed system whole whole-bunch

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I'm not gonna miss that show. I'm a Grobanite.

miss

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Grobanites don't miss shows.

miss shows

↓

Josh Groban comes to town, we consider it a call to action.

action comes consider groban josh josh-groban town

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What you're saying is very dorky.

↓

Nevertheless, I brought you some stuff,

brought stuff

↓

a little bit of care package here.

care package

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- Why? - I want to make you well.

↓

I got you coffee, I got you some Mexican peanuts,

coffee mexican peanuts

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I got you some candy.

candy

↓

I got you a Stud magazine.

magazine stud

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What's your angle? What are you doing?

angle

↓

Deandra. We have to take care of each other.

care deandra

↓

I'm gonna take care of you now,

care

↓

but when I'm old and sick, you have to take care of me.

care sick

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What? No!

↓

No, I'm not doing that. Absolutely not. You're on your own.

absolutely

↓

That…

↓

You okay? Yeah? No?

↓

It's down? It's going?

↓

It's going? Open up. Put your head back.

head open

↓

Oh, God!

↓

Oh, God. I got it.

↓

All right. You should go relax.

relax

↓

You should go rest now.

rest

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Good. Look, I'm gonna do everything you need.

↓

Anything you need, I will do it.

↓

Just make believe I'm your slave.

believe slave

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Okay. Do my laundry.

laundry

↓

- Done. - All right. I'm gonna go rest.

rest

↓

- All right. - Don't bother me.

bother

↓

No, no. I'm gonna be as quiet as a mouse.

mouse quiet

↓

- You just rest, honey. - Uh-huh.

honey rest

↓

Okay. All right.

↓

I know this is a lot to digest, and that's why I'm here.

↓

To act as an unbiased negotiator in the process

process

↓

and to sort out any problems or concerns.

concerns problems

↓

Essentially, just to make sure that you're both comfortable

comfortable essentially

↓

with this new arrangement.

arrangement

↓

- I don't want to live with her. - Oh, Mom! Why not?

live

↓

- She smells. - I know she smells.

smells

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Okay, you can't talk about my mom like that!

↓

You don't smell, and you look beautiful, okay?

smell

↓

Okay. I think what Charlie's mom is trying to say

charlies

↓

is that Mrs. Mac has a unique and earthy fragrance.

unique

↓

I smell like shit.

smell

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Okay, Mom, don't put yourself down, okay? We talked about this.

talked

↓

You don't. Perhaps we could get Mrs. Mac some perfume?

perfume perhaps

↓

Oh, yeah. That's not a bad idea. Mrs. Mac, what do you say?

idea

↓

What better way to kick off this new relationship

kick relationship

↓

- than with a new fragrance? - Stop talking to me like I'm an asshole!

asshole

↓

- She can't smoke in here. - I know, Mom. Uh, smoking.

smoke smoking

↓

Okay. Now, Mrs. Mac, I would never ask you to give up tobacco,

tobacco

↓

but what if you were to switch to some sort of smokeless tobacco alternative?

alternative switch tobacco

↓

- I know that grunt. She's open to it. - Okay!

grunt open

↓

So what do we say we do a little bit of a trial run tonight?

tonight trial

↓

Let's see what happens, and then we'll take it from there.

happens

↓

Okay.

↓

- That means absolutely. - Okay!

absolutely

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- Okay! - Great, great. So, last step,

step

↓

dog's tied up outside. I'll grab him, bring him inside,

bring dogs grab tied

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- and then I'll be on my way. - No dogs. Charlie, tell them.

charlie dogs

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Okay. She is terrified of animals eating her face off.

animals eating face terrified

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I don't want a dog to eat my face, Charlie!

charlie face

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- She doesn't want a dog eating her face. - Well, you know what?

eating face

↓

That's not a problem. We'll take the dog, you and I.

problem

↓

Oh, I think what Mac is trying to say is not that we'll take the dog…

↓

I'm saying exactly what I want to say.

↓

What Mac's trying to say now is that you're taking the dog.

macs

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What Charlie's saying is correct. We're taking the dog.

charlies correct

↓

- We're not taking the dog. - You're taking the dog.

↓

It's not going to eat my mother's face off.

face mothers

↓

It's coming home with us, Dennis, so just accept it, all right?

accept coming coming-home dennis home

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All right, all right, all right! Fine.

↓

- We'll take the dog. - Calm down.

calm

↓

Laundry's done!

↓

Uh, those white shorts on top?

shorts white

↓

That's part of my outfit for tomorrow, so why don't you go run an iron over those?

iron outfit part tomorrow

↓

Ooh! Hey, very whitey white.

white

↓

- Uh, you're not ragging it, are you? - What?

↓

Gross, Frank! Come on. You still get periods?

frank gross periods

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What are you doing? Stop asking me that. What? Gross! Come on.

asking gross

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I'm trying to bond with you.

bond

↓

That's how you bond with me asking if I still get periods?

asking bond periods

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What's that stuff you're putting on? That's beautiful. What is it?

putting stuff

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Self-tanner, for tomorrow. Got to look good for Groban.

groban self tanner tomorrow

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The, uh, tan's gonna make the white in the outfit pop,

outfit white

↓

the white's gonna make the tan pop.

whites

↓

Josh Groban likes his ladies to pop, so…

groban josh josh-groban ladies likes

↓

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Look who I brought. It's Poppins!

brought poppins

↓

Yeah.

↓

- That's Poppins? - Ooh, yeah!

poppins

↓

- He's still alive? - Oh, yeah, yeah.

alive

↓

I figured he could keep you company while you're sick.

company figured sick

↓

- Dog looks like a gargoyle. - Yeah. He smells like piss.

piss smells

↓

- Does it? Uh-oh. Is he dying? - No, no, no, he's fine.

dying

↓

By the way, you're gonna want to keep him away from that cream, too,

cream

↓

'cause he'll eat that shit. Yeah. He ate a whole bottle of shampoo

bottle shampoo whole

↓

at our apartment earlier. He loves shit like that.

apartment loves

↓

- Wow. Sounds great. - Yeah.

sounds

↓

- Thanks for bringing him over, yeah. - He's a great dog.

bringing thanks

↓

- He's a great dog. - I'm gonna finish this up in my bedroom.

bedroom finish

↓

Frank, why don't you make me another juice?

another frank juice

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'Cause I feel like that green stuff's really working.

green stuffs working

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- You got it. - Great. So, you'll keep the dog here,

↓

and then, uh…

↓

What are you doing, Frank? What's going on here?

frank

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Trying to score brownie points with your sister.

brownie points score sister

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I mean, I need somebody to take care of me when I'm old and sick.

care sick somebody

↓

Jesus. You're still worried about that?

jesus worried

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Why don't you check yourself into a nursing home, Frank?

check frank home nursing nursing-home

↓

- You have the money. - I'm not gonna put myself

money

↓

into one of those crypts.

↓

As soon as you drop the soap, they rape your butt.

butt drop rape soap

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That's what happens. Mac told me.

happens

↓

What in God's… You people have a very strange conception

conception gods strange

↓

- of what goes on in nursing homes. - Frank, green juice, now!

frank green homes juice nursing

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The bitch is driving me crazy!

bitch crazy driving

↓

She's not even sick anymore.

anymore sick

↓

I support your plan, Frank, insofar as it insures

frank plan support

↓

that I won't have to take care of you when you get older,

care older

↓

but you're going about this all wrong, honestly.

↓

- How do you mean? - Well, for one thing,

↓

she's in her apartment. She's comfortable here.

apartment comfortable

↓

She's on her home turf. She's got all of her amenities.

home turf

↓

She feels good here. She doesn't need you here.

feels

↓

You need to thrust her into a hostile environment

environment hostile thrust

↓

so that she needs you to protect her.

needs protect

↓

- I should dump her under the bridge! - Dump her under the bri…

bridge dump

↓

No, don't dump her down by the bridge. What're you talking…

bridge dump whatre

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No, you need to be there, Frank. That's the whole point of this.

frank point whole whole-point

↓

Just take her to your apartment, okay.

apartment

↓

Now, secondly, if this is gonna work,

secondly

↓

then she's gonna need to feel more than just a tickle in her throat.

throat tickle

↓

So, if she's not feeling sick, well,

feeling feeling-sick sick

↓

then we're just gonna have to make her feel sick.

sick

↓

- You're good. - Yeah. Well, I'm a fixer, Frank.

frank

↓

- You're good. - That's what I do.

↓

Dennis, listen. We should hang out more together.

dennis hang

↓

Yeah. Stop trying to bond with me.

bond

↓

- They're not even talking to each other. - My mom's not very verbal.

moms verbal

↓

I know, but they haven't even touched their cheesecake.

cheesecake touched

↓

I mean, I feel like if you and I were in a room with a perfectly good cheesecake,

cheesecake perfectly room

↓

all sorts of conversation would start happening.

conversation sorts start

↓

Oh, Charlie, the funniest thing happened today

charlie funniest happened today

↓

- when I was doing the laundry. - Mom, no, not me.

laundry

↓

You got to talk to her, okay? Don't talk to me.

↓

Yeah. Pretend like we're not even here, Mrs. Kelly, okay?

kelly pretend

↓

- Go gossip. - About what?

gossip

↓

Maybe you were at a supermarket one time, and you met a cute guy,

cute supermarket

↓

and you were feeling saucy,

feeling saucy

↓

and then you wanted to go back and talk to your friend, Sophia.

friend wanted

↓

So you're like Blanche, and she's like Sophia. So, go ahead.

ahead blanche go-ahead

↓

I don't go to the supermarket. The shopping carts are dangerous.

carts dangerous shopping supermarket

↓

Shopping carts are not dangerous, Mom.

carts dangerous shopping

↓

There's nothing dangerous about a shopping cart!

cart dangerous shopping

↓

Let's try a new tack. Everybody, calm down. This isn't working.

calm everybody everybody-calm tack working

↓

All right. TV's going off. Boom!

boom

↓

Okay! That's good! You guys are roommates now,

roommates

↓

so maybe you can get to know one another.

another

↓

- I'm hot. - My mom's hot. I'm hot too.

moms

↓

I got to be honest. I'm hot as well. Can we turn the fan on?

honest

↓

Okay, well, the fan is broken. It hasn't worked for years.

broken worked years

↓

Oh! Oh, okay! That's good!

↓

My mom's very good with her hands. Maybe she can fix it.

hands moms

↓

- Oh, yeah? - Mom was the manager at Jiffy Lube

jiffy lube manager

↓

- for many years. - I never heard about this.

heard years

↓

Yeah, well, she doesn't like to brag. It's not her style.

brag style

↓

Yeah. But she started at the bottom,

bottom started

↓

worked her way to the tippy top.

tippy worked

↓

There's only three people working at Jiffy Lube.

jiffy lube three working

↓

It's not really a high climb.

climb

↓

Okay. Well, please don't diminish my mother's achievements, okay?

mothers

↓

Don't get too excited about your mother's achievements.

excited mothers

↓

Okay. Could you… Mom, do you want to take a look at that fan

↓

and see if you can fix it?

↓

- What was that? - It means, "Not right now,

↓

"but there's a possibility that I could get to it tomorrow."

possibility tomorrow

↓

See, the problem is, once that sun goes down,

problem

↓

you're not gonna get this woman to do anything, 'cause she thrives on sunlight.

sunlight woman

↓

She seems like she's never been in sunlight.

seems sunlight

↓

- That's nasty. - Oh, Charlie, she's spitting

charlie nasty spitting

↓

- into my porcelain. - Okay, well, that makes you mad.

makes

↓

Take it up with her! Have a conversation with her.

conversation

↓

Everybody, can we just, let's relax for a second.

everybody relax second

↓

Maybe I can get you, like, a beer bottle. Would that be okay?

beer beer-bottle bottle

↓

An empty beer bottle to spit in?

beer beer-bottle bottle empty spit

↓

Yeah? Okay, having fun.

fun having

↓

* Thank you for being a friend *

friend

↓

* Traveled down the road and back again *

road traveled

↓

* The heart is true *

heart

↓

You gotta stare at her.

stare

↓

* You're a pal and a confidante *

↓

Don't look at me!

↓

* And if you threw a party *

party threw

↓

Turn your head.

head

↓

* And invited everyone you knew, ooh-hoo *

invited

↓

* You would see the biggest gift would be from me *

biggest gift

↓

* And the card attached would say *

attached card

↓

Look at her!

↓

- She's zonked. - Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

zonked

↓

Now, when she wakes up, she'll be really, really cold,

cold shell wakes

↓

so you just give her this blanket. You know, give her some more juice, you know.

blanket juice

↓

- Just be a dad to her. - Oh, this is so boring. This is bullshit.

boring bullshit

↓

I mean, God,

↓

I mean, how long do I have to do this for?

↓

We've been here for, like, an hour, Frank. You're the worst dad.

frank hour worst

↓

Groban!

groban

↓

- Ooh. She's up. - I'll come find you.

↓

Okay. Daddy's here. Take it easy, honey.

daddys easy honey

↓

Okay, honey, don't get up. Stay right where you are.

honey

↓

- Gotta go to the show. - Don't go by the knives.

knives

↓

- Let me backstage. - She thinks she's going backstage.

backstage thinks

↓

You sing so good.

sing

↓

Honey, you want a blankie? I swaddle you, baby.

baby blankie honey

↓

- I'll get to you. - No, no, tomorrow night.

night tomorrow tomorrow-night

↓

- That's not tonight. - You sing in my ears.

ears sing tonight

↓

- I love you when you sing. - Where she's going?

love sing

↓

- She thinks she's going to the concert? - I don't know. She's walking.

concert thinks walking

↓

- She's in a zombie state. - She's going to bounce off all the walls.

bounce state walls zombie

↓

I've never seen anything like this. It's incredible.

incredible seen

↓

She's going outside. She's going outside.

↓

Ooh, she's going to hit the skateboard.

skateboard

↓

Ooh.

↓

- Wow. Did you see that? - She's like Mr. Magoo.

magoo

↓

- Ooh. - Oh.

↓

Magoo never made that mistake.

magoo mistake

↓

One, two, three.

three

↓

Good night, honey. Good night, Mac.

honey night night-honey

↓

One, two, three. One, two, three.

three

↓

One, two, three. One, two, three.

three

↓

One, two, three. One, two, three.

three

↓

- Mrs. Kelly? - Yes?

kelly

↓

Why are you doing everything in threes?

threes

↓

Oh. So Charlie doesn't die.

charlie

↓

- What? - One, two, three.

three

↓

One, two, three.

three

↓

- That's crazy. - Bat-shit crazy.

crazy

↓

I don't know, dude. What do ya want me to say?

↓

- The woman's out of her damn mind. - Hey! Get the hell…

mind womans

↓

- Is she waking up my mom? - No! No, Mom!

waking

↓

No. No. My mom does not like to be woken up, Mrs. Kelly!

kelly woken

↓

- Shit! Get out of my room. - Oh! Just one more. One more.

room

↓

- One, two, three. - Get out of here, God damn it!

three

↓

- Whoa. Whoa. - Mom, go to bed!

whoa whoa-whoa

↓

Oh, man, that was close. Now you see where I get my temper, huh?

close temper

↓

Yeah, one, two, three. One, two, three. Huh.

three

↓

- What are you doing? - Huh?

↓

- What was that? - Ah, you know, just playing it safe.

playing safe

↓

She's been doing it. I'm still alive. Can't be crazy.

alive crazy

↓

- Yeah, no, that's very crazy. - One, two, three. One, two, three.

crazy three

↓

- It does feel good to do stuff in threes. - Okay, you know what?

stuff threes

↓

I'm pulling the plug on this whole thing, all right?

plug pulling whole

↓

- Cause this and this, this has gotta stop. - Yeah. You're right. Yeah.

↓

Tomorrow morning, I'm getting my mom out of here. Let's go to bed.

morning tomorrow tomorrow-morning

↓

- Yeah. This has not been a good situation. - Let's go to bed.

situation

↓

- This one look off to you? One, two, three - No, it's fine. It's fine.

three

↓

Hey, guys. We got some bagels and coffee. One, two, three. One, two, three.

coffee three

↓

What do you think that's accomplishing?

↓

Here you go.

↓

Oh, Mom.

↓

Where's your chewing tobacco? You know Mrs. Kelly doesn't like the smoke.

chewing kelly smoke tobacco

↓

Oh, the ceiling fan is gonna push all the smoke outside the windows.

ceiling push smoke windows

↓

Oh, yeah? Oh, she's fixing the fan?

fixing

↓

See? I told you, dude. My mom is very handy.

handy

↓

Oh. The Muslims are back.

↓

Where do you think they're coming and going from?

coming

↓

Damn foreigners! They ain't American,

aint american foreigners

↓

I don't want to know 'em.

↓

I know. I wish they'd all go back to the desert.

desert theyd wish

↓

- Yeah! - So it does seem like

↓

- they're bonding, right? - Yeah. It's not really

bonding

↓

a Golden Girls-type conversation. It's, like, a racist conversation, but…

conversation girls golden racist type

↓

Where the hell is my damn screwdriver?

screwdriver

↓

I'm wiping all the germs off for you.

germs wiping

↓

Quit cleaning my damn tools, and sit your ass down! Huh!

cleaning quit tools

↓

Shit, dude.

↓

We might want to even consider bringing Poppins back into this mix.

bringing consider might poppins

↓

It does seem to be working.

working

↓

- Like it? - Ooh!

↓

Yes, I do. Please don't hit me. I have sensitive skin.

sensitive skin

↓

Let's just find the dog, and we'll talk about it there.

↓

Okay. All right. Let's just let them be, though, huh?

↓

Good morning, sleepyhead.

morning sleepyhead

↓

- What? - Yeah, you're all tied up.

tied

↓

- It's for your own safety. - Yeah, you took a dinger down the stairs.

safety stairs

↓

- Ooh, big time. - You guys untie me right now!

untie

↓

Okay, I'll untie you if you promise to remember

promise remember untie

↓

- that I took care of you good. - Yeah. Remember that,

care remember

↓

'cause Frank took really good care of you,

care frank

↓

- so you're gonna have to take care of him. - What are you talking about?

care

↓

I feel way worse now than I ever did.

worse

↓

What is going on with my face?

face

↓

- It's the bedbugs. - Oh!

↓

But that'll last a little while, but it'll go away eventually.

eventually itll thatll

↓

Get that dog off me! The dog stinks!

stinks

↓

- Get the dog off me! - Fair enough, fair enough.

fair

↓

- Poppins, let's go. - Come on, dog. Hop up, Hop up!

poppins

↓

- Hop up, Poppins. Come on. - Oh, whoa.

poppins whoa

↓

Oh, I think Poppins got into the juice.

juice poppins

↓

- What? - Oh, no.

↓

- What juice? - Oh. He's ice-cold.

cold juice

↓

- He's dead? Poppins is dead? - Yes! He's dead!

dead poppins

↓

- Why would he be dead from the juice? - We killed Poppins? Oh, shit!

dead juice killed poppins

↓

Oh, my God. Mac's going to have a fit, dude.

macs

↓

I drank a lot of that juice. I remember that very clearly!

drank juice remember

↓

I have an idea, Frank. I have an idea. Fixer's always got a fix, right?

frank idea

↓

- Yeah, what? What are you gonna… - This is gonna work. This is a good idea.

idea

↓

- Grab Poppins. Let's go. Come on. - Take the dog?

grab poppins

↓

- Grab the dog! - Wait. What was in the juice?

grab juice

↓

- Okay, hold on. Before you go, untie me. - All right. You stay right there.

untie

↓

- You stay right there, Deandra. - Just real quick, you guys.

deandra quick real real-quick

↓

No. I don't want to stay here. You guys, I got Groban in the park.

groban park

↓

- I got a dead dog over here. - I got Groban in the park! Untie me!

dead groban park untie

↓

What was in the juice?

juice

↓

- One, two, three. - One, two, three.

three

↓

Charlie, I think you're right, dude. I feel better about this.

charlie

↓

- More in control. Yeah. - Yeah. It's… Uh-hmm.

control

↓

- Yo, what's happening? - What's happening, guys?

↓

Hey, I was just… We were hanging out, uh, in the alley, going for some air.

alley hanging

↓

- What's going on? - Yeah. What are you guys doing?

↓

Cool. We're actually looking for Poppins.

cool looking poppins

↓

Yeah, we're going to bring him back over to Charlie's mom's house.

bring charlies house moms moms-house

↓

- They're going to live together. - Oh, Poppins?

live poppins

↓

- What happened to Poppins? - He… Uh…

happened poppins

↓

You saw him. Yeah, might've been…

mightve

↓

- Why are you guys acting so weird? - Yeah.

acting weird

↓

Why are you… Why are you looking at that trash can?

looking trash

↓

Uh, nothing special about it. I don't know.

special

↓

- What was in that trash bag? - Poppins.

poppins trash

↓

- What? - Well, he ate a lot of cold medicine,

cold medicine

↓

- and he croaked. I'm sorry. - Yeah, he got into some cold medicine.

cold medicine

↓

- Sorry. - So you threw him in the trash?

threw trash

↓

What are you gonna do, send him to the moon?

moon send

↓

- Right. I mean, come on. - No, I want to have

↓

- a proper burial for him. - That seemed proper enough

burial proper seemed

↓

- for Poppins, you know? - Oh, no. He's fine.

poppins

↓

- What? - He's fine?

↓

Yeah, he's just in here chowing down on a diaper.

diaper

↓

Hey! Look at him.

↓

Look at that dog was…

↓

Come on. Hey, good boy.

↓

That dog just does not die.

↓

- No, he does not. - Wow.

↓

- Oh, there he goes. - Ah. Yeah.

↓

Don't worry, guys. He will be back.

worry

↓

Yeah, well, let's hope not.

hope

↓

Bon voyage, Poppins!

poppins voyage

↓

Have a good trip.

trip

↓

- Back to the bar, or what? - Yeah.

↓

- Yeah, sure. - Let's grab a drink.

drink grab

↓

Yo, Frank, it's Artemis. Have you seen Dee?

artemis frank seen

↓

I'm backstage with Groban, and the party is pumpin'.

backstage groban party

↓

- Look, if you see that "bee-yatch…" - No. I'm here.

↓

…tell her to get her ass down here,

↓

'cause Groban's feeling frisky, and somebody's gotta tap that ass.

feeling somebodys

↓

- Suck you later. - No. No. No.

suck

↓

No! No! Groban!

groban

↓

No!