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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S10E10 — Ass Kickers United: Mac and Charlie Join a Cult

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 10, Episode 10 — Ass Kickers United: Mac and Charlie Join a Cult

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: Ass Kickers United: Mac and Charlie Join a Cult

Air date: March 18, 2015

Director: Heath Cullens

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

"Asskickers" isn't just a hot new way to work out; it's a way of life...and maybe a cult.

Source: TMDB

↓

My apartment is not a spa.

apartment

↓

Dennis and I are gonna take a soak.

dennis soak

↓

You and Dennis are going to bathe together?

bathe dennis

↓

It's that Turkish bath thing. What are you worried about?

bath turkish worried

↓

Not worried about anything, but my apartment is not a

apartment worried

↓

- Turkish bath, okay? - Well, you know, this is

bath turkish

↓

- Dennis's apartment now, too. - No. No, goddamn it, it's not,

apartment denniss goddamn goddamn-it

↓

all right? Mac and Dennis do not live here.

dennis live

↓

Just... Sick of you guys doing your

sick

↓

stupid shit in my place.

place stupid

↓

- What the hell is this?! - One more! Wah!

↓

Stop!

↓

- Hey! - Oh!

↓

- Good set, boys! - What are you doing?

boys

↓

Oh, Dee, this is Joe-Joe, Tiny, Charlie you know.

charlie tiny

↓

- I don't care. - Together, we are Ass Kickers

care kickers

↓

- United. - Oh, you guys, come on,

united

↓

please, I don't want you doing your weird routines in here!

routines weird

↓

It's not a routine, Dee, and there is nothing weird about

routine weird

↓

this, okay? Ass Kickers United is a way of

kickers kickers-united united

↓

life, based on the life improvement teachings of the

based improvement life

↓

- Master. - What kind of cult shit is

cult master

↓

- that? - No, no, it's not a cult,

cult

↓

Frank. The Master is the only human to

frank human master

↓

ever achieve enlightenment through the way of the warrior.

achieve warrior

↓

- Stop, two, three. - One, two, three, four. Stop.

four three three-four

↓

Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

corrections honeybunny sync sync-corrections

↓

Come on! Goddamn it!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Frank, I can't get this fight

fight frank

↓

milk out of the goddamn couch!

couch goddamn milk

↓

Oh! Shit!

↓

It burned a hole in the cushion!

burned cushion hole

↓

That's probably the crotein.

↓

Don't get that on your skin!

skin

↓

Oh! Frank, Frank,

frank frank-frank

↓

sorry I'm late, man, but, uh,

late

↓

good news.

news

↓

I brought checkers. Oh, what's up, Dee?

brought checkers

↓

I got dominoes, and what the hell is going on?

dominoes

↓

Your place looks like shit. What happened?

happened place

↓

Yeah, yeah, it does. I'll tell you what happened.

happened

↓

Mac and his goddamn Ass Blasters Incorporated were in here

goddamn incorporated

↓

- jerking around all day. - Mac, Charlie and a bunch of

bunch charlie jerking

↓

- goons started a queer club. - Hmm.

club goons queer started

↓

- They got a newsletter. - Oh, shit.

newsletter

↓

"Ass Kickers United". Oh, my God.

kickers kickers-united united

↓

- What? - Dee, Mac didn't start this

start

↓

club. I did.

club

↓

- What are you talking about? - Yeah. I, uh... I just made

↓

this shit up about Ass Kickers United to get Mac to stop eating

eating kickers kickers-united united

↓

- my thin mints. - Huh?

mints thin thin-mints

↓

You know how Mac is all irritating and shit?

irritating

↓

- Of course. - The worst!

course worst

↓

Right, well, he was doing all this irritating shit, and he was

irritating

↓

driving me crazy. Worst of all, he was eating all

crazy driving eating worst

↓

my thin mint cookies, and, so, you know, playing on Mac's

cookies macs mint playing thin thin-mint

↓

physical insecurities, I decided I would get in his head a little

decided head insecurities physical

↓

bit, so I created this Master character, all right?

character created master

↓

I typed up this newsletter, which was, you know, mostly

mostly newsletter typed

↓

about fitness and, like, just kicking ass at life in general,

fitness general kicking life

↓

just kind of speaking Mac's language.

language macs speaking

↓

But mostly, I was speaking of the dangers of consuming too

dangers mostly speaking

↓

many thin mint cookies. And I'll tell you, man, it

cookies mint thin thin-mint

↓

worked like charm, 'cause he stopped eating thin mints almost

charm eating mints stopped thin thin-mints worked

↓

- immediately. - That is extremely impressive.

extremely immediately impressive

↓

- Oh. - Dennis, I missed most of that

dennis missed

↓

last part. Run it by me again.

part

↓

Frank, I just spoke for five straight minutes.

five frank minutes spoke straight

↓

- I'm not doing it again. - Dennis started a cult.

cult dennis started

↓

- No, I didn't start a cult. - Yeah, sure sounds like a

cult sounds start

↓

cult. Hey, I got a great idea.

cult idea

↓

Why don't you type up another newsletter and tell Mac and his

another newsletter type

↓

dumb-dumb friends to go and fix up your apartment, right?

apartment dumb dumb-dumb friends

↓

That way, you guys can get the hell out of my place.

place

↓

Or maybe get some broads involved.

broads involved

↓

Cults are great for attracting new-age tail.

cults tail

↓

No, guys, you can't go straight to fixing apartments

apartments fixing straight

↓

and getting young, new-age tail. You can't do that.

tail young

↓

That takes years of brainwashing.

brainwashing takes years

↓

But here's the problem. If you don't do that and write

problem write

↓

the newsletter and fix up the apartment, then I'm just gonna

apartment newsletter

↓

- rat you out. - No. Come on, Dee.

↓

I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to. You know why?

↓

'Cause I'm up to here. All right, I've had a very bad

↓

day, all right?! I'm at the end of my rope, if

rope

↓

- I'm being honest. - Okay, okay, Dee, calm down.

calm honest

↓

All right, look, I'll test the waters a little bit, okay, see

test waters

↓

- if we can get 'em there slowly. - Maybe you can get 'em to eat

slowly

↓

a shit sandwich. That would be fun.

fun sandwich

↓

Why the would I...? What?! No, this isn't about fun.

fun

↓

This is about... it's about thin mints, goddamn it! Right?

goddamn goddamn-it mints thin thin-mints

↓

And the reason I'm so good at this is because I take it

reason

↓

seriously. Now, just watch and learn.

learn watch

↓

Listen up! According to the Master, guys,

according master

↓

we're not getting enough vitamin D, so, these stickers harness

harness stickers vitamin

↓

the power of the sun and deliver it directly to our bodies, okay?

bodies deliver directly power

↓

And, apparently, guys, there's another exercise.

another apparently exercise

↓

- Yes, sensei! - Yeah!

sensei

↓

All right, now, they're called hammer jerks, and it's

called hammer jerks

↓

sort of like a... hammer, then you bend.

bend hammer

↓

- Mm-hmm. - Then you snap, then you jerk.

jerk snap

↓

- Ow. - Then a hammer.

hammer

↓

- Hammer. - Ow! Bend.

bend hammer

↓

- Bend, snap. - Damn it.

bend snap

↓

- Jerk. - Oh, yeah.

jerk

↓

Hammer, bend, snap, jerk. Hammer...

bend hammer jerk snap

↓

I can't believe they went for the sticker thing.

believe sticker

↓

- Thank you. Thank you. - Okay, so, time to dial it up

dial

↓

a notch. Let's put 'em to work and get

notch

↓

- 'em to your apartment. - Yeah, we can't just dive into

apartment dive

↓

that shit. We talked about this.

talked

↓

- It's a slow burn. - They're wearing sticks on

burn slow sticks wearing

↓

- their heads. They're there. - Look, look, look, stop.

heads

↓

You guys are going crazy. You're gonna blow the thin mint

blow crazy mint thin thin-mint

↓

thing. Will you just trust me?

trust

↓

I got this. I am the master.

master

↓

I'm gonna get you what you want. You just got to let me do my

↓

- thing. - That-that-that sounds good.

sounds

↓

- Mm, yeah, okay. - You gonna goddamn blow this for me?

blow goddamn

↓

No.

↓

You're gonna blow the thin mint thing?

blow mint thin thin-mint

↓

No.

↓

- "The Master sayeth." Mm-hmm.

master

↓

"Kicking ass in life is all about drywall."

kicking life

↓

- And pussy. Put "pussy". - Goddamn, Frank, don't say

frank goddamn pussy

↓

"pussy". It's disgusting. I'm not putting it.

disgusting pussy putting

↓

"To be a total badass, you must learn carpentry."

badass carpentry learn must must-learn total

↓

- Hmm. - "Fixing apartments is what

apartments fixing

↓

- you must do." - And buy Wolf Cola.

cola must wolf wolf-cola

↓

- Let's make some coin. - Okay.

coin

↓

"And buy Wolf Cola, the only cola for true refreshment."

cola wolf wolf-cola

↓

- That's good. - "Splash into the beast."

beast splash

↓

- Mm-hmm, that's great. - I know it is.

↓

Cool it with the jerky, will you?

cool jerky

↓

- You're driving me nuts. - Now, put-put bring pussy.

bring driving nuts pussy

↓

- Now, put it in. - Goddamn it. All right, fine.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Hey, listen, this is what I'll do.

↓

"Ladies are now mandatory. Each of you dick bags must

bags dick ladies mandatory must

↓

recruit at least one woman." Should we put anything else?

least recruit woman

↓

- Make 'em eat a shit sandwich. - What is it with you and the

sandwich

↓

shit sandwich? Do you really want to see

sandwich

↓

somebody take a roll and stick doody in it, and then they put

roll somebody stick

↓

it in their mouth? God, you are so gross.

gross mouth

↓

Okay, so, how much for the

↓

- Wolf Colas? - Five bucks a piece.

bucks five five-bucks piece wolf

↓

Okay, great. Ma, how many you want?

↓

- I'll take three. - Okay. And Mrs. Mac?

three

↓

She'll have one.

shell

↓

- Huh? - One. Any more caffeine than

↓

that, and she will not stop talking.

↓

Really? Oh, kind of want to see that.

↓

Hey, Charlie, can I talk to you for a second?

charlie second

↓

- Yeah. What's up? - Um, does all this seem kind

↓

- of strange to you? - Huh? Uh, oh, you mean, the

strange

↓

Wolf Cola thing? Yeah. I was wondering.

cola wolf wolf-cola wondering

↓

Like, how does the Master know about Wolf Cola?

cola master wolf wolf-cola

↓

Oh, he's an aficionado of all beverages.

↓

He's gonna know the finest of colas.

finest

↓

Oh, oh, you mean, the carpentry thing. Yeah.

carpentry

↓

No. Throughout history, uh, Ass Kickers have always known

history kickers known throughout

↓

carpentry. Jesus Christ, Harrison Ford.

carpentry christ ford harrison harrison-ford jesus jesus-christ

↓

Right, okay. What are you talking about?

↓

- The women. The women, dude. - Oh.

women

↓

This is supposed to be a men's club, you know?

club mens supposed

↓

- Who wants that around? - Oh. Uh...

wants

↓

I don't know. I'm kind of cool with it.

cool

↓

Also, I don't ever remember anything in the newsletters

remember

↓

- about no women. - It could not have been more

women

↓

- clear: No women, no gays. - I don't ever remember you

clear gays remember women

↓

- reading anything about that. - It was implied, okay?

implied reading

↓

Look, in these kind of texts, you need to be able to in-infer

able texts

↓

what's be... Look, I'll explain it to you

explain

↓

later. I think I'm just gonna...

↓

- I needed some time off. - Whoa. Hey, man, you can't

needed whoa

↓

take a day off from kicking ass, okay?

kicking

↓

Look, an Ass Kicker must be present every day.

kicker kicker-must must present

↓

An Ass Kicker must do the exercises.

exercises kicker kicker-must must

↓

An Ass Kicker must avoid thin mints.

avoid kicker kicker-must mints must thin thin-mints

↓

I know the rules, okay? I don't need to...

rules

↓

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm just gonna go.

↓

- You're just gonna go?! - I mean...

↓

- I mean... - Okay, I'm taking the men with

↓

- me, and Frank's got the women. - Oh, cool.

cool franks women

↓

- Are you an Ass Kicker now? - I'm an Ass Kicker now.

kicker

↓

Sweet. All right. Who signed you up?

signed sweet

↓

- The dumb one. - Oh, Tiny?

dumb tiny

↓

No, no, no. The one eating paint chips off the wall.

chips eating paint paint-chips wall

↓

It tastes like paint.

paint tastes

↓

Uh, yeah, those are paint chips there, pal.

chips paint paint-chips

↓

- These are? - Yeah.

↓

- Oh, they're delicious. - Yeah, that's the good thing.

delicious

↓

- Let's go. - All right, let's go.

↓

Hey, we're gonna, uh, go swing some hammers.

hammers swing

↓

Oh, you guys are so great that you do construction.

construction

↓

I mean, this is just gonna be easy-- just slap a couple coats

coats couple easy slap

↓

of paint around, maybe a couple of new doors.

couple doors paint

↓

You're gonna be in and out in a few hours.

hours

↓

Oh! Wow! Shit.

↓

Whoa-ho! No wall! That's... pretty awesome.

awesome wall whoa

↓

Okay, boys, let's get to work.

boys

↓

Look, I do construction for a living.

construction living

↓

I mean, I thought Ass Kickers was just some sort of fun

fun kickers

↓

workout club-- you know, like... CrossFit.

club crossfit workout

↓

- CrossFit. - Hey, man, you don't want to

crossfit

↓

take this seriously? Hey, that's fine.

↓

Why don't you give me those stickers back, then?

stickers

↓

Uh, no, I'm coming down with a cold and I need mine.

cold coming

↓

Did you do, like, your deer antler spray?

deer spray

↓

- Some. But I'm running lower. - Have some of mine. Here.

lower running

↓

All right, you know what, I overreacted, boys.

boys overreacted

↓

I overreacted. I snapped at you, and the Master

master overreacted snapped

↓

wouldn't like that. And I'm sorry.

↓

I think maybe this is my mission and my calling, so why don't you

calling mission

↓

guys find some other mission and I'll handle this one, okay?

handle mission

↓

- Thanks, Charlie. - All right, cool.

charlie cool thanks thanks-charlie

↓

- Good luck. - Thank you.

luck

↓

- Goddamn it, Charlie. - It's fine. You know, the guys

charlie goddamn goddamn-it

↓

have been working their asses off.

asses working

↓

I got this. Look. Dee, the Master says fix it...

master

↓

I'm gonna fix it.♪ ♪

↓

Frank, is that you? I missed you in there, pal.

frank missed

↓

Still pretty steamy, though, if you want to hop in and...

steamy

↓

- What the hell's this? - Just watching a little TV.

hells watching

↓

- Are those Thin Mints? - Oh, yeah, big time, dude.

mints thin thin-mints

↓

- I love these things. - I notice, uh... you look a

love notice

↓

- little out of shape, there, bud. - I am?

shape

↓

Yeah. Yeah, and it's a shame, too,

shame

↓

because you've been looking so great lately.

lately looking

↓

- So sexy. - I was?

sexy

↓

Yeah, so to see this is just disappointing.

disappointing

↓

- To me, but you know... - This disappoints you?

disappoints

↓

Yeah. What-what are you doing?

↓

You taking a day off or something, is that okay?

↓

I'm sure the master allows for that, though, right?

allows master

↓

Well, I'm not really sure about that.

↓

Oh, you're not sure, yeah. Did the master not make that

master

↓

crystal goddamn clear? In all those newsletters?

clear crystal goddamn

↓

- Was that not clear? - I didn't... I didn't read

clear read

↓

- into it like that. - Wow, wow.

↓

I mean, I haven't read the things, but I've just... you

read

↓

guys have been telling me and... Thin Mints, from what I

mints telling thin thin-mints

↓

understand, that was a whole thing.

whole

↓

I think that was, like, rule number...

number rule rule-number

↓

- Oh, shit. - I... yeah.

↓

I-I... I may have... I messed up a little bit.

messed

↓

I hope he doesn't notice the fat that I'm noticing sort of

hope notice noticing

↓

accumulated all over. But hey, maybe he won't notice.

notice

↓

- I noticed, but maybe he won't. - Y-You don't think he would,

noticed

↓

- or... - No, I think he will.

↓

Uh, do you mind if I use the computer?

computer mind

↓

I'm just gonna grab this and take it over here for a little

grab

↓

bit, okay? Mmm.

↓

...and snap it back! Bend and snap.

bend snap

↓

How's that neck, Cindy?

cindy neck

↓

Everything good? How are the muscles?

muscles

↓

You feeling okay? You may want to soak 'em a

feeling soak

↓

- little bit. - Actually, I feel great.

↓

- Oh, you feel great. - Frank, I'm in tremendous

frank tremendous

↓

- pain. - I'm not talking to you.

pain

↓

- I'm talking to her. - I can't breathe.

breathe

↓

Oh, she needs a cigarette break.

break cigarette needs

↓

- Could we stop, please? - I don't care what she needs,

care needs

↓

I'm not talking to you, do whatever you want.

↓

- I'm trying to hurt her. - What?

hurt

↓

Uh, well, it's... it... you have to tear the fascial tissues

tear tissues

↓

in order to tone the muscles properly.

muscles order properly tone

↓

- According to the master. - Oh. Okay.

according master

↓

So you bend and you snap. But snap your head back.

bend head snap

↓

- Bend... you see it? - Frank...

bend frank

↓

- And snap! - Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank.

frank frank-frank frank-frank-frank snap

↓

- We need to talk. - Uh, yo, Cindy, you keep

cindy

↓

- working. Go ahead. - Yeah, okay, you got it.

ahead go-ahead working

↓

Hey, listen. We gotta make a bit of an

↓

adjustment. Tiny and Jo-Jo, they don't want

adjustment tiny

↓

to do the construction, so I was looking into what cults do to

construction cults looking

↓

force people into labor when the mind tricks don't work, and one

force labor mind tricks

↓

of them was a personality test, right?

personality test

↓

You basically just get a bunch of dirt on people and you hold

bunch dirt

↓

- it over their heads. - So, blackmail.

blackmail heads

↓

Yeah.♪ ♪

↓

So this is a basic personality test.

basic personality test

↓

It's really simple. It just measures the amount of

amount simple

↓

guilt stressors that you're feeling.

feeling guilt guilt-stressors stressors

↓

You know, I took it, and I just... it's changed my life.

changed life

↓

Yeah, Dee, what... what are

↓

- guilt stressors? - Oh, great question, great

guilt guilt-stressors question stressors

↓

question. Apparently, secrets and lies

apparently lies question secrets

↓

lead to guilt stressors and that's not good, you guys.

guilt guilt-stressors lead stressors

↓

You know why? It impedes muscle development.

development muscle

↓

- I have read that. - Oh, really?

read

↓

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's science.

science

↓

- Oh, shit. - Yeah.

↓

It does sound like good science.

science sound

↓

So you guys just hang on to that machine and talk about all

hang machine

↓

- your regrets. - And what are regrets, again?

regrets

↓

Y-You just talk about things you feel really guilty about.

guilty

↓

- Oh. - Oh, okay. Uh, okay.

↓

- Do you want to... - Yeah, I'll go.

↓

- Dee, where do my feet go? - Oh, it doesn't matter.

feet matter

↓

Okay, uh... I ate a baby toad once.

baby toad

↓

I'm not proud of it. It just kind of happened.

happened proud

↓

It pains me to think about how scared and confused it was and

confused pains scared

↓

wondering, "Why am I not home, and why am I in some sort of

home wondering

↓

- acid pond..." - Okay.

acid pond

↓

"...that's burning my skin?" And what if it was looking for

burning looking skin

↓

its mother? It was just a baby.

baby mother

↓

Oh, yeah, I got an idea. How about we let one of these

idea

↓

- guys, uh, give it a shot. - Oh.

shot

↓

Are you sure? 'Cause I don't really feel better, but...

↓

I'll go. Yeah. Where do my feet go, Dee?

feet

↓

- Dee, his feet? - It doesn't make a goddamn

feet goddamn

↓

- difference. - I ate a toad, too.

difference toad

↓

- Oh, God. - Really?

↓

- I did. - Am I good, am I good?

↓

- Yeah, yeah. - Okay.

↓

Go ahead.

ahead go-ahead

↓

- Oh, I feel the burn. - Yeah, how's-how's the neck

burn neck

↓

- feeling? How's the neck? - You know, it's not bad.

feeling neck

↓

- It's actually a little tight. - It's a little tight.

tight

↓

Well, how 'bout if we hop in the healing pool...

bout healing pool

↓

- Okay. - ...and I'll give you some

↓

touch therapy, so you don't seem too weak for the master.

master therapy touch weak

↓

- Yeah. - Yeah.

↓

I don't suppose that could hurt.

hurt suppose

↓

No, that won't hurt.

hurt

↓

Oh, shit.

↓

Oh, hi. The water's wonderful.

waters

↓

- When did you get in here? - Oh, you don't mind that we

mind

↓

came in first, do you? There's plenty of room.

plenty room

↓

No, how long are you gonna be?

↓

Oh, man...

↓

Well... she thinks she has a tear in her uterine wall, so it

tear thinks wall

↓

- might be a while. - All right.

might

↓

- Let's-let's go... - I'm gonna go do a few more

↓

sets of kettlepops while, uh, running the block a few times.

block running sets times

↓

- Yeah, nice. - Don't want to disappoint the

disappoint

↓

- master. - Mm-hmm.

master

↓

- You want to come? - Go, you go get yourself good

↓

- and banged up. - Okay.

banged

↓

- Oh, yeah... - Guys, guys, guys, there's

↓

been a mistake, a terrible mistake.

mistake

↓

I got a new newsletter from the Master.

master newsletter

↓

There's gonna be no more women, no more Wolf Cola and no more

cola wolf wolf-cola women

↓

carpentry in Ass Kickers United. This has all been a test

carpentry kickers kickers-united test united

↓

designed by the Master to figure out who the true believers are.

designed figure master

↓

I passed, you failed and that's why I'm going to level two.

failed level passed

↓

Oh, also, uh, Dennis will be

dennis

↓

level two as well, but he'll be directly under me.

directly level

↓

Wh-What? Where'd you get that from?

whered

↓

Uh, it was implied in the newsletter.

implied newsletter

↓

- No. - Well, how is Dennis in level

dennis level

↓

two? Or an Ass Kicker, for that

kicker

↓

- matter? - Oh, he bought in.

bought matter

↓

- He... bought in? - Come on, Ass Kickers, let's

bought kickers

↓

get out of here before we're tainted by this disgusting

disgusting tainted

↓

- woman. - All right. Crazy.

crazy woman

↓

- Cool! - Failed that test.

cool failed test

↓

Kick some ass, huh? Go kick some ass!

kick

↓

Thought you could outmaster the Master, idiots?

idiots master

↓

So you swayed 'em back. Uh, whatever.

swayed

↓

- We can do that, too. - Do you think this is easy?

easy

↓

You need years of practice to even sniff my talent for

practice sniff talent years

↓

manipulation. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have

excuse manipulation

↓

a cult that needs a charismatic leader.

charismatic cult leader needs

↓

Yeah.

↓

Goddamn it, Frank. Goddamn it! No.

frank goddamn goddamn-it

↓

No, we cannot let him get away with this.

cannot

↓

No, this is about something different now, something much

↓

- more important. - Shit sandwich?

sandwich

↓

What? Why? What is that? No. God.

↓

No, this is about control now. This is about control and it's

control

↓

about beating Dennis. I know exactly what we need to

beating dennis

↓

do.

↓

Deandra, we're all set.

deandra

↓

- Yeah? - Yeah.

↓

- He's out? - He's lit.

↓

I have so much alcohol, and I gave him three bottles of Fight

alcohol bottles fight three three-bottles

↓

- Milk. - Whoa. That's a lot.

milk whoa

↓

Okay, you ready? Got your cards? Okay.

cards ready

↓

- Okay. Here we go. - Charlie.

charlie

↓

- Charlie. - Say it louder.

charlie louder

↓

- Charlie, wake up! - Huh?

charlie wake

↓

What's... what's... What's happening?

↓

- It is I... the Master! - Am I dreaming?

dreaming master

↓

- You're having a vision. - Am I peeing?

having peeing vision

↓

- Uh... - Is he peeing?

peeing

↓

- Just read the card. - You and the other Ass Kickers

card kickers read

↓

must con... con... What's that word?

must word

↓

- Congregate. - Congregate, what does that

↓

- mean? - It doesn't matter, just say it.

matter

↓

...congregate.

↓

- What does that mean? - Oh, God.

↓

You know what? Just... Hey, Charlie, hey.

charlie

↓

Get all the Ass Kickers together and meet at Mac and Dennis's

denniss kickers meet

↓

apartment, okay? Lord Zolo is gonna get you on

apartment lord

↓

- the mother ship. - Lord Zolo?

lord mother mother-ship ship

↓

Charlie... you've graduated to the next level.

charlie graduated level

↓

Congratulations. And your reward is to get to

congratulations reward

↓

know all the secrets of the universe.

secrets universe

↓

He's gonna put all those brains in my head.

brains head

↓

- Sweet. - Yeah, there's just a few

sweet

↓

- things you have to do. - Okay.

↓

I'll do them. I'm peeing.

peeing

↓

- Uh-oh. - Oh...

↓

Hey, you guys ready... Holy shit!

holy ready

↓

Whoa! What the hell happened in here?

happened whoa

↓

Hey, do you like it? Yeah, well, before Master Rex

master

↓

said that we weren't supposed to do carpentry, I talked to Tiny

carpentry supposed talked tiny

↓

and Jo-Jo and they got their construction crew in here.

construction construction-crew crew

↓

- There's a wall. - Oh, you're goddamn right

goddamn wall

↓

there's a wall. I'm good.

wall

↓

- Dennis is gonna shit his pants. - Yeah... why?

dennis pants

↓

- What are you good at? - Good at my... I'm a good

↓

person, and you know what? It's time to... to do the plan

person plan

↓

- that the master laid out. - I'm gonna take Tiny in the

laid master tiny

↓

other room and make the pods ready.

pods ready room

↓

- Come on, Tiny. - Oh, we got pods?

pods tiny

↓

- Yeah. - Of course we got pods.

course pods

↓

Lord Zolo's gonna take you guys on that mother ship with him,

lord mother mother-ship ship

↓

you need pods. Am I right, Master?

master pods

↓

- Do-Do I get a pod? - Okay, guys, guys, guys...

↓

We got a... wow. Holy shit.

holy

↓

- That's a wall. - Yeah.

wall

↓

- This place looks great. - You're goddamn right this

goddamn place

↓

- place looks great. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's pretty

place

↓

impressive stuff, Dee, but, uh... it doesn't seal the deal.

deal impressive seal stuff

↓

Guys, I've got an announcement to make.

announcement

↓

Yeah, we've got some big news here.

news

↓

The Master texted me while we were on our way over here.

master texted

↓

Oh, interesting. Uh, I wonder how it's possible

interesting possible wonder

↓

that the Master could've texted you when he's been here with us

couldve master texted

↓

- the whole time. - Rex is the Master?

master whole

↓

- That makes so much sense. - Yep. Yes.

makes sense

↓

- Oh, my... - Of course I know that Rex is

course

↓

the Master, and of course I would never question the word of

course master question word

↓

someone so... wise. But I actually got a text from

text wise

↓

the Supreme Overlord Master. And that's Rex's master.

master overlord supreme

↓

- Oh, shit. - "Oh, shit," is right, you

↓

guys. That's the... he's the big guy.

↓

He sits right at the tippy-tippy-top, and he made it

sits tippy

↓

very, very clear to me that all of you are going to need to...

clear

↓

- commit suicide. - I knew it!

commit commit-suicide suicide

↓

- The final circle. - Yeah, okay, sure, but hang on

circle final hang

↓

a second. Can I please talk to you for

second

↓

- just a quick second? - Sure, sure, sure.

quick quick-second second

↓

Now, why don't you guys get yourselves all lathered up in

yourselves

↓

lighter fluid and, uh, you're gonna get ready to light

fluid light lighter lighter-fluid ready

↓

yourselves ablaze.

yourselves

↓

- All right. - Thank you for trusting me.

trusting

↓

- Yeah, of course. - I did it. I won.

course

↓

I am the most charismatic leader.

charismatic leader

↓

I got Tiny to eat a shit sandwich.

sandwich tiny

↓

- Ugh! - Oh!

↓

I got him to eat a poopy.

poopy

↓

You idiot! I got these guys to think they

idiot

↓

were going to another dimension. I'm the winner.

another dimension winner

↓

Are you kidding me? They were gonna light themselves

kidding light

↓

on fire for me. I'm the winner.

fire winner

↓

- Oh... - Guys, guys, hang on a second.

hang second

↓

- The winner of what? - The... the Ass Kickers, okay?

kickers winner

↓

The winner of the Ass Kickers. It-it's mine, it's not theirs.

kickers winner

↓

- What? - It's mine, it's... the whole

whole

↓

- thing's made up, I made it up. - Master Rex, is this true?

master

↓

- Oh, don't ask Rex, what...? - The fire is started.

fire started

↓

Thank you so much for trusting me with this.

trusting

↓

- This is good-bye! - No... goddamn it, no!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

- No, man, don't do it! - Oh, shit!

↓

Run!

↓

We'll get you some help, okay?

↓

- We'll call the fire department. - Yeah.

department fire fire-department

↓

- Oh, God. - Yeah.

↓

- And then we'll go to Dee's. - Yeah, right?

dees

↓

No, no, can't we go anywhere else?

↓

- No, Dee. - What if the Supreme Overlord

overlord supreme

↓

tries to contact us? He has to know where we are.

contact tries

↓

Yeah, exact-exactly. All right, well, at least he's

exact least

↓

- on the mother ship now. - Oh, my God! Unbelievable!

mother mother-ship ship unbelievable

↓

Come on, let's go.

↓

- Good luck, Jo-Jo! - Thank you!

luck

↓

Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

corrections honeybunny sync sync-corrections

↓

Come on! Goddamn it!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Frank, I can't get this fight

fight frank

↓

Oh! Shit!

↓

It burned a hole in the cushion!

burned cushion hole

↓

That's probably the crotein.

↓

Don't get that on your skin!

skin

↓

Oh! Frank, Frank,

frank frank-frank

↓

sorry I'm late, man, but, uh,

late

↓

good news.

news

↓

I brought checkers. Oh, what's up, Dee?

brought checkers

↓

I got dominoes, and what the hell is going on?

dominoes

↓

Your place looks like shit. What happened?

happened place

↓

Yeah, yeah, it does. I'll tell you what happened.

happened

↓

Mac and his goddamn Ass Blasters Incorporated were in here

goddamn incorporated

↓

- jerking around all day. - Mac, Charlie and a bunch of

bunch charlie jerking

↓

- goons started a queer club. - Hmm.

club goons queer started

↓

- They got a newsletter. - Oh, shit.

newsletter

↓

"Ass Kickers United". Oh, my God.

kickers kickers-united united

↓

- What? - Dee, Mac didn't start this

start

↓

club. I did.

club

↓

- What are you talking about? - Yeah. I, uh... I just made

↓

this shit up about Ass Kickers United to get Mac to stop eating

eating kickers kickers-united united

↓

You know how Mac is all irritating and shit?

irritating

↓

- Of course. - The worst!

course worst

↓

Right, well, he was doing all this irritating shit, and he was

irritating

↓

driving me crazy. Worst of all, he was eating all

crazy driving eating worst

↓

physical insecurities, I decided I would get in his head a little

decided head insecurities physical

↓

I typed up this newsletter, which was, you know, mostly

mostly newsletter typed

↓

about fitness and, like, just kicking ass at life in general,

fitness general kicking life

↓

just kind of speaking Mac's language.

language macs speaking

↓

But mostly, I was speaking of the dangers of consuming too

dangers mostly speaking

↓

many thin mint cookies. And I'll tell you, man, it

cookies mint thin thin-mint

↓

worked like charm, 'cause he stopped eating thin mints almost

charm eating mints stopped thin thin-mints worked

↓

- Oh. - Dennis, I missed most of that

dennis missed

↓

last part. Run it by me again.

part

↓

Frank, I just spoke for five straight minutes.

five frank minutes spoke straight

↓

- I'm not doing it again. - Dennis started a cult.

cult dennis started

↓

- No, I didn't start a cult. - Yeah, sure sounds like a

cult sounds start

↓

cult. Hey, I got a great idea.

cult idea

↓

Why don't you type up another newsletter and tell Mac and his

another newsletter type

↓

dumb-dumb friends to go and fix up your apartment, right?

apartment dumb dumb-dumb friends

↓

That way, you guys can get the hell out of my place.

place

↓

Or maybe get some broads involved.

broads involved

↓

Cults are great for attracting new-age tail.

cults tail

↓

No, guys, you can't go straight to fixing apartments

apartments fixing straight

↓

and getting young, new-age tail. You can't do that.

tail young

↓

That takes years of brainwashing.

brainwashing takes years

↓

But here's the problem. If you don't do that and write

problem write

↓

the newsletter and fix up the apartment, then I'm just gonna

apartment newsletter

↓

- rat you out. - No. Come on, Dee.

↓

I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to. You know why?

↓

'Cause I'm up to here. All right, I've had a very bad

↓

day, all right?! I'm at the end of my rope, if

rope

↓

- I'm being honest. - Okay, okay, Dee, calm down.

calm honest

↓

- if we can get 'em there slowly. - Maybe you can get 'em to eat

slowly

↓

a shit sandwich. That would be fun.

fun sandwich

↓

Why the would I...? What?! No, this isn't about fun.

fun

↓

This is about... it's about thin mints, goddamn it! Right?

goddamn goddamn-it mints thin thin-mints

↓

And the reason I'm so good at this is because I take it

reason

↓

seriously. Now, just watch and learn.

learn watch

↓

Listen up! According to the Master, guys,

according master

↓

we're not getting enough vitamin D, so, these stickers harness

harness stickers vitamin

↓

- Yes, sensei! - Yeah!

sensei

↓

All right, now, they're called hammer jerks, and it's

called hammer jerks

↓

sort of like a... hammer, then you bend.

bend hammer

↓

- Mm-hmm. - Then you snap, then you jerk.

jerk snap

↓

- Ow. - Then a hammer.

hammer

↓

- Hammer. - Ow! Bend.

bend hammer

↓

- Bend, snap. - Damn it.

bend snap

↓

- Jerk. - Oh, yeah.

jerk

↓

Hammer, bend, snap, jerk. Hammer...

bend hammer jerk snap

↓

I can't believe they went for the sticker thing.

believe sticker

↓

- Thank you. Thank you. - Okay, so, time to dial it up

dial

↓

a notch. Let's put 'em to work and get

notch

↓

- 'em to your apartment. - Yeah, we can't just dive into

apartment dive

↓

that shit. We talked about this.

talked

↓

- It's a slow burn. - They're wearing sticks on

burn slow sticks wearing

↓

- their heads. They're there. - Look, look, look, stop.

heads

↓

You guys are going crazy. You're gonna blow the thin mint

blow crazy mint thin thin-mint

↓

thing. Will you just trust me?

trust

↓

I'm gonna get you what you want. You just got to let me do my

↓

- thing. - That-that-that sounds good.

sounds

↓

- Mm, yeah, okay. - You gonna goddamn blow this for me?

blow goddamn

↓

No.

↓

You're gonna blow the thin mint thing?

blow mint thin thin-mint

↓

No.

↓

- "The Master sayeth." Mm-hmm.

master

↓

- And pussy. Put "pussy". - Goddamn, Frank, don't say

frank goddamn pussy

↓

"pussy". It's disgusting. I'm not putting it.

disgusting pussy putting

↓

"To be a total badass, you must learn carpentry."

badass carpentry learn must must-learn total

↓

- Hmm. - "Fixing apartments is what

apartments fixing

↓

- you must do." - And buy Wolf Cola.

cola must wolf wolf-cola

↓

- Let's make some coin. - Okay.

coin

↓

"And buy Wolf Cola, the only cola for true refreshment."

cola wolf wolf-cola

↓

- That's good. - "Splash into the beast."

beast splash

↓

- Mm-hmm, that's great. - I know it is.

↓

Cool it with the jerky, will you?

cool jerky

↓

- You're driving me nuts. - Now, put-put bring pussy.

bring driving nuts pussy

↓

- Now, put it in. - Goddamn it. All right, fine.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Hey, listen, this is what I'll do.

↓

"Ladies are now mandatory. Each of you dick bags must

bags dick ladies mandatory must

↓

recruit at least one woman." Should we put anything else?

least recruit woman

↓

- Make 'em eat a shit sandwich. - What is it with you and the

sandwich

↓

shit sandwich? Do you really want to see

sandwich

↓

somebody take a roll and stick doody in it, and then they put

roll somebody stick

↓

it in their mouth? God, you are so gross.

gross mouth

↓

Okay, so, how much for the

↓

- Wolf Colas? - Five bucks a piece.

bucks five five-bucks piece wolf

↓

Okay, great. Ma, how many you want?

↓

- I'll take three. - Okay. And Mrs. Mac?

three

↓

She'll have one.

shell

↓

that, and she will not stop talking.

↓

Really? Oh, kind of want to see that.

↓

Hey, Charlie, can I talk to you for a second?

charlie second

↓

- Yeah. What's up? - Um, does all this seem kind

↓

- of strange to you? - Huh? Uh, oh, you mean, the

strange

↓

Wolf Cola thing? Yeah. I was wondering.

cola wolf wolf-cola wondering

↓

Like, how does the Master know about Wolf Cola?

cola master wolf wolf-cola

↓

Oh, he's an aficionado of all beverages.

↓

Oh, oh, you mean, the carpentry thing. Yeah.

carpentry

↓

No. Throughout history, uh, Ass Kickers have always known

history kickers known throughout

↓

carpentry. Jesus Christ, Harrison Ford.

carpentry christ ford harrison harrison-ford jesus jesus-christ

↓

Right, okay. What are you talking about?

↓

- The women. The women, dude. - Oh.

women

↓

This is supposed to be a men's club, you know?

club mens supposed

↓

- Who wants that around? - Oh. Uh...

wants

↓

I don't know. I'm kind of cool with it.

cool

↓

Also, I don't ever remember anything in the newsletters

remember

↓

- about no women. - It could not have been more

women

↓

- reading anything about that. - It was implied, okay?

implied reading

↓

Look, in these kind of texts, you need to be able to in-infer

able texts

↓

later. I think I'm just gonna...

↓

- I needed some time off. - Whoa. Hey, man, you can't

needed whoa

↓

take a day off from kicking ass, okay?

kicking

↓

Look, an Ass Kicker must be present every day.

kicker kicker-must must present

↓

An Ass Kicker must do the exercises.

exercises kicker kicker-must must

↓

An Ass Kicker must avoid thin mints.

avoid kicker kicker-must mints must thin thin-mints

↓

I know the rules, okay? I don't need to...

rules

↓

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm just gonna go.

↓

- I mean... - Okay, I'm taking the men with

↓

- me, and Frank's got the women. - Oh, cool.

cool franks women

↓

Sweet. All right. Who signed you up?

signed sweet

↓

- The dumb one. - Oh, Tiny?

dumb tiny

↓

No, no, no. The one eating paint chips off the wall.

chips eating paint paint-chips wall

↓

It tastes like paint.

paint tastes

↓

Uh, yeah, those are paint chips there, pal.

chips paint paint-chips

↓

- These are? - Yeah.

↓

- Let's go. - All right, let's go.

↓

Hey, we're gonna, uh, go swing some hammers.

hammers swing

↓

Oh, you guys are so great that you do construction.

construction

↓

I mean, this is just gonna be easy-- just slap a couple coats

coats couple easy slap

↓

of paint around, maybe a couple of new doors.

couple doors paint

↓

You're gonna be in and out in a few hours.

hours

↓

Oh! Wow! Shit.

↓

Whoa-ho! No wall! That's... pretty awesome.

awesome wall whoa

↓

Okay, boys, let's get to work.

boys

↓

Look, I do construction for a living.

construction living

↓

I mean, I thought Ass Kickers was just some sort of fun

fun kickers

↓

workout club-- you know, like... CrossFit.

club crossfit workout

↓

- CrossFit. - Hey, man, you don't want to

crossfit

↓

take this seriously? Hey, that's fine.

↓

Uh, no, I'm coming down with a cold and I need mine.

cold coming

↓

Did you do, like, your deer antler spray?

deer spray

↓

- Some. But I'm running lower. - Have some of mine. Here.

lower running

↓

I overreacted. I snapped at you, and the Master

master overreacted snapped

↓

wouldn't like that. And I'm sorry.

↓

I think maybe this is my mission and my calling, so why don't you

calling mission

↓

guys find some other mission and I'll handle this one, okay?

handle mission

↓

- Thanks, Charlie. - All right, cool.

charlie cool thanks thanks-charlie

↓

- Good luck. - Thank you.

luck

↓

- Goddamn it, Charlie. - It's fine. You know, the guys

charlie goddamn goddamn-it

↓

have been working their asses off.

asses working

↓

I'm gonna fix it.♪ ♪

↓

Still pretty steamy, though, if you want to hop in and...

steamy

↓

- What the hell's this? - Just watching a little TV.

hells watching

↓

- Are those Thin Mints? - Oh, yeah, big time, dude.

mints thin thin-mints

↓

- I love these things. - I notice, uh... you look a

love notice

↓

- little out of shape, there, bud. - I am?

shape

↓

Yeah. Yeah, and it's a shame, too,

shame

↓

because you've been looking so great lately.

lately looking

↓

- So sexy. - I was?

sexy

↓

Yeah, so to see this is just disappointing.

disappointing

↓

- To me, but you know... - This disappoints you?

disappoints

↓

Yeah. What-what are you doing?

↓

You taking a day off or something, is that okay?

↓

I'm sure the master allows for that, though, right?

allows master

↓

Oh, you're not sure, yeah. Did the master not make that

master

↓

crystal goddamn clear? In all those newsletters?

clear crystal goddamn

↓

- Was that not clear? - I didn't... I didn't read

clear read

↓

- into it like that. - Wow, wow.

↓

I mean, I haven't read the things, but I've just... you

read

↓

guys have been telling me and... Thin Mints, from what I

mints telling thin thin-mints

↓

understand, that was a whole thing.

whole

↓

I think that was, like, rule number...

number rule rule-number

↓

- Oh, shit. - I... yeah.

↓

I-I... I may have... I messed up a little bit.

messed

↓

I hope he doesn't notice the fat that I'm noticing sort of

hope notice noticing

↓

- I noticed, but maybe he won't. - Y-You don't think he would,

noticed

↓

Uh, do you mind if I use the computer?

computer mind

↓

I'm just gonna grab this and take it over here for a little

grab

↓

bit, okay? Mmm.

↓

...and snap it back! Bend and snap.

bend snap

↓

How's that neck, Cindy?

cindy neck

↓

You feeling okay? You may want to soak 'em a

feeling soak

↓

- little bit. - Actually, I feel great.

↓

- Oh, you feel great. - Frank, I'm in tremendous

frank tremendous

↓

- pain. - I'm not talking to you.

pain

↓

- I'm talking to her. - I can't breathe.

breathe

↓

Oh, she needs a cigarette break.

break cigarette needs

↓

- Could we stop, please? - I don't care what she needs,

care needs

↓

- I'm trying to hurt her. - What?

hurt

↓

Uh, well, it's... it... you have to tear the fascial tissues

tear tissues

↓

in order to tone the muscles properly.

muscles order properly tone

↓

- According to the master. - Oh. Okay.

according master

↓

So you bend and you snap. But snap your head back.

bend head snap

↓

- Bend... you see it? - Frank...

bend frank

↓

- And snap! - Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank.

frank frank-frank frank-frank-frank snap

↓

- We need to talk. - Uh, yo, Cindy, you keep

cindy

↓

- working. Go ahead. - Yeah, okay, you got it.

ahead go-ahead working

↓

Hey, listen. We gotta make a bit of an

↓

adjustment. Tiny and Jo-Jo, they don't want

adjustment tiny

↓

to do the construction, so I was looking into what cults do to

construction cults looking

↓

force people into labor when the mind tricks don't work, and one

force labor mind tricks

↓

of them was a personality test, right?

personality test

↓

You basically just get a bunch of dirt on people and you hold

bunch dirt

↓

Yeah.♪ ♪

↓

So this is a basic personality test.

basic personality test

↓

guilt stressors that you're feeling.

feeling guilt guilt-stressors stressors

↓

You know, I took it, and I just... it's changed my life.

changed life

↓

Yeah, Dee, what... what are

↓

- guilt stressors? - Oh, great question, great

guilt guilt-stressors question stressors

↓

question. Apparently, secrets and lies

apparently lies question secrets

↓

lead to guilt stressors and that's not good, you guys.

guilt guilt-stressors lead stressors

↓

You know why? It impedes muscle development.

development muscle

↓

- I have read that. - Oh, really?

read

↓

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's science.

science

↓

- Oh, shit. - Yeah.

↓

It does sound like good science.

science sound

↓

So you guys just hang on to that machine and talk about all

hang machine

↓

- your regrets. - And what are regrets, again?

regrets

↓

Y-You just talk about things you feel really guilty about.

guilty

↓

- Oh. - Oh, okay. Uh, okay.

↓

- Do you want to... - Yeah, I'll go.

↓

- Dee, where do my feet go? - Oh, it doesn't matter.

feet matter

↓

I'm not proud of it. It just kind of happened.

happened proud

↓

It pains me to think about how scared and confused it was and

confused pains scared

↓

wondering, "Why am I not home, and why am I in some sort of

home wondering

↓

- acid pond..." - Okay.

acid pond

↓

"...that's burning my skin?" And what if it was looking for

burning looking skin

↓

its mother? It was just a baby.

baby mother

↓

Oh, yeah, I got an idea. How about we let one of these

idea

↓

- guys, uh, give it a shot. - Oh.

shot

↓

Are you sure? 'Cause I don't really feel better, but...

↓

- Dee, his feet? - It doesn't make a goddamn

feet goddamn

↓

- difference. - I ate a toad, too.

difference toad

↓

- Oh, God. - Really?

↓

- I did. - Am I good, am I good?

↓

- Yeah, yeah. - Okay.

↓

Go ahead.

ahead go-ahead

↓

- Oh, I feel the burn. - Yeah, how's-how's the neck

burn neck

↓

- feeling? How's the neck? - You know, it's not bad.

feeling neck

↓

- It's actually a little tight. - It's a little tight.

tight

↓

Well, how 'bout if we hop in the healing pool...

bout healing pool

↓

- Okay. - ...and I'll give you some

↓

touch therapy, so you don't seem too weak for the master.

master therapy touch weak

↓

- Yeah. - Yeah.

↓

No, that won't hurt.

hurt

↓

Oh, hi. The water's wonderful.

waters

↓

- When did you get in here? - Oh, you don't mind that we

mind

↓

came in first, do you? There's plenty of room.

plenty room

↓

No, how long are you gonna be?

↓

Oh, man...

↓

Well... she thinks she has a tear in her uterine wall, so it

tear thinks wall

↓

- might be a while. - All right.

might

↓

sets of kettlepops while, uh, running the block a few times.

block running sets times

↓

- Yeah, nice. - Don't want to disappoint the

disappoint

↓

- master. - Mm-hmm.

master

↓

- You want to come? - Go, you go get yourself good

↓

- Oh, yeah... - Guys, guys, guys, there's

↓

been a mistake, a terrible mistake.

mistake

↓

I got a new newsletter from the Master.

master newsletter

↓

There's gonna be no more women, no more Wolf Cola and no more

cola wolf wolf-cola women

↓

carpentry in Ass Kickers United. This has all been a test

carpentry kickers kickers-united test united

↓

designed by the Master to figure out who the true believers are.

designed figure master

↓

I passed, you failed and that's why I'm going to level two.

failed level passed

↓

Oh, also, uh, Dennis will be

dennis

↓

level two as well, but he'll be directly under me.

directly level

↓

Wh-What? Where'd you get that from?

whered

↓

Uh, it was implied in the newsletter.

implied newsletter

↓

- No. - Well, how is Dennis in level

dennis level

↓

two? Or an Ass Kicker, for that

kicker

↓

- matter? - Oh, he bought in.

bought matter

↓

get out of here before we're tainted by this disgusting

disgusting tainted

↓

- woman. - All right. Crazy.

crazy woman

↓

- Cool! - Failed that test.

cool failed test

↓

Kick some ass, huh? Go kick some ass!

kick

↓

Thought you could outmaster the Master, idiots?

idiots master

↓

So you swayed 'em back. Uh, whatever.

swayed

↓

- We can do that, too. - Do you think this is easy?

easy

↓

You need years of practice to even sniff my talent for

practice sniff talent years

↓

manipulation. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have

excuse manipulation

↓

a cult that needs a charismatic leader.

charismatic cult leader needs

↓

Yeah.

↓

Goddamn it, Frank. Goddamn it! No.

frank goddamn goddamn-it

↓

No, we cannot let him get away with this.

cannot

↓

No, this is about something different now, something much

↓

- more important. - Shit sandwich?

sandwich

↓

What? Why? What is that? No. God.

↓

about beating Dennis. I know exactly what we need to

beating dennis

↓

do.

↓

Deandra, we're all set.

deandra

↓

- Yeah? - Yeah.

↓

- He's out? - He's lit.

↓

I have so much alcohol, and I gave him three bottles of Fight

alcohol bottles fight three three-bottles

↓

- Milk. - Whoa. That's a lot.

milk whoa

↓

Okay, you ready? Got your cards? Okay.

cards ready

↓

- Okay. Here we go. - Charlie.

charlie

↓

- Charlie, wake up! - Huh?

charlie wake

↓

What's... what's... What's happening?

↓

- It is I... the Master! - Am I dreaming?

dreaming master

↓

- You're having a vision. - Am I peeing?

having peeing vision

↓

- Uh... - Is he peeing?

peeing

↓

- Just read the card. - You and the other Ass Kickers

card kickers read

↓

must con... con... What's that word?

must word

↓

- Congregate. - Congregate, what does that

↓

- mean? - It doesn't matter, just say it.

matter

↓

...congregate.

↓

- What does that mean? - Oh, God.

↓

You know what? Just... Hey, Charlie, hey.

charlie

↓

Get all the Ass Kickers together and meet at Mac and Dennis's

denniss kickers meet

↓

apartment, okay? Lord Zolo is gonna get you on

apartment lord

↓

- the mother ship. - Lord Zolo?

lord mother mother-ship ship

↓

Charlie... you've graduated to the next level.

charlie graduated level

↓

Congratulations. And your reward is to get to

congratulations reward

↓

know all the secrets of the universe.

secrets universe

↓

He's gonna put all those brains in my head.

brains head

↓

- Sweet. - Yeah, there's just a few

sweet

↓

- things you have to do. - Okay.

↓

I'll do them. I'm peeing.

peeing

↓

- Uh-oh. - Oh...

↓

Hey, you guys ready... Holy shit!

holy ready

↓

Whoa! What the hell happened in here?

happened whoa

↓

Hey, do you like it? Yeah, well, before Master Rex

master

↓

and Jo-Jo and they got their construction crew in here.

construction construction-crew crew

↓

there's a wall. I'm good.

wall

↓

- Dennis is gonna shit his pants. - Yeah... why?

dennis pants

↓

person, and you know what? It's time to... to do the plan

person plan

↓

- that the master laid out. - I'm gonna take Tiny in the

laid master tiny

↓

other room and make the pods ready.

pods ready room

↓

- Come on, Tiny. - Oh, we got pods?

pods tiny

↓

- Yeah. - Of course we got pods.

course pods

↓

Lord Zolo's gonna take you guys on that mother ship with him,

lord mother mother-ship ship

↓

you need pods. Am I right, Master?

master pods

↓

- Do-Do I get a pod? - Okay, guys, guys, guys...

↓

We got a... wow. Holy shit.

holy

↓

- That's a wall. - Yeah.

wall

↓

- This place looks great. - You're goddamn right this

goddamn place

↓

- place looks great. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's pretty

place

↓

impressive stuff, Dee, but, uh... it doesn't seal the deal.

deal impressive seal stuff

↓

Guys, I've got an announcement to make.

announcement

↓

Yeah, we've got some big news here.

news

↓

The Master texted me while we were on our way over here.

master texted

↓

Oh, interesting. Uh, I wonder how it's possible

interesting possible wonder

↓

that the Master could've texted you when he's been here with us

couldve master texted

↓

- the whole time. - Rex is the Master?

master whole

↓

- That makes so much sense. - Yep. Yes.

makes sense

↓

- Oh, my... - Of course I know that Rex is

course

↓

the Master, and of course I would never question the word of

course master question word

↓

the Supreme Overlord Master. And that's Rex's master.

master overlord supreme

↓

- Oh, shit. - "Oh, shit," is right, you

↓

He sits right at the tippy-tippy-top, and he made it

sits tippy

↓

- The final circle. - Yeah, okay, sure, but hang on

circle final hang

↓

- just a quick second? - Sure, sure, sure.

quick quick-second second

↓

Now, why don't you guys get yourselves all lathered up in

yourselves

↓

lighter fluid and, uh, you're gonna get ready to light

fluid light lighter lighter-fluid ready

↓

yourselves ablaze.

yourselves

↓

- All right. - Thank you for trusting me.

trusting

↓

- Yeah, of course. - I did it. I won.

course

↓

I am the most charismatic leader.

charismatic leader

↓

- Ugh! - Oh!

↓

I got him to eat a poopy.

poopy

↓

were going to another dimension. I'm the winner.

another dimension winner

↓

Are you kidding me? They were gonna light themselves

kidding light

↓

on fire for me. I'm the winner.

fire winner

↓

- Oh... - Guys, guys, hang on a second.

hang second

↓

The winner of the Ass Kickers. It-it's mine, it's not theirs.

kickers winner

↓

- What? - It's mine, it's... the whole

whole

↓

- thing's made up, I made it up. - Master Rex, is this true?

master

↓

- Oh, don't ask Rex, what...? - The fire is started.

fire started

↓

Thank you so much for trusting me with this.

trusting

↓

- This is good-bye! - No... goddamn it, no!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

- No, man, don't do it! - Oh, shit!

↓

Run!

↓

We'll get you some help, okay?

↓

- We'll call the fire department. - Yeah.

department fire fire-department

↓

- Oh, God. - Yeah.

↓

- And then we'll go to Dee's. - Yeah, right?

dees

↓

No, no, can't we go anywhere else?

↓

- No, Dee. - What if the Supreme Overlord

overlord supreme

↓

tries to contact us? He has to know where we are.

contact tries

↓

Yeah, exact-exactly. All right, well, at least he's

exact least

↓

- on the mother ship now. - Oh, my God! Unbelievable!

mother mother-ship ship unbelievable

↓

Come on, let's go.

↓

- Good luck, Jo-Jo! - Thank you!

luck

↓

Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

corrections honeybunny sync sync-corrections