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» S01E10 — My Nickname
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Season 1, Episode 10 — My Nickname
Hey, what are you doing?
#1
⇓
Reading a book about how to tell my roommate
#2
⇓
he drives me crazy, without hurting his feelings.
#3
⇓
I think sarcasm works better when it's shorter.
#4
⇓
- Fascinating. - Yeah, see there you go.
#5
⇓
So what're you doing?
#6
⇓
- You're annoying me. - I'm okay with it.
#7
⇓
J.D., I've had such a crappy morning in this hellhole
#8
⇓
I decided to come out here and eat my lunch.
#9
⇓
This spot feels secluded. I mean, it's so peaceful.
#10
⇓
I'm getting my spirit back.
#11
⇓
- It's just a bench. - Sit down, sweet thang.
#12
⇓
Sit down.
#13
⇓
[gulls cry]
#14
⇓
[waves lap soothingly]
#15
⇓
Nice. You know, I've already eaten, but I could...
#16
⇓
- Okay, what's it gonna take? - Your cupcake.
#17
⇓
This is how I get my spirit back.
#18
⇓
Mmm-mmm.
#19
⇓
I feel alive again.
#20
⇓
I feel alive again, alive again.
#21
⇓
I feel alive...
#22
⇓
- Morning. - How do you figure?
#24
⇓
- Doing a little drilling, huh? - Yeah.
#25
⇓
Look, I have an idea. Let's try and go the whole day
#26
⇓
without getting in each other's hair.
#27
⇓
Just give each other a break? What do you say?
#28
⇓
I'm gonna give you a nickname.
#29
⇓
That's... that's good. I already have a nickname. It's J.D.
#30
⇓
How about... Whinyface?
#31
⇓
Whinybritches?
#32
⇓
Whinysomething. I definitely like whiny.
#33
⇓
Whiny dancer.
#34
⇓
♪ I'm no Superman ♪
#37
⇓
Oh, I can't believe I went out last night.
#38
⇓
I thought you said you were exhausted.
#39
⇓
I was. But I figured I owed it to the ladies.
#40
⇓
Do you ever stop giving?
#41
⇓
His O2-sat's dropping.
#43
⇓
I think he just needs respiratory treatment.
#44
⇓
Actually, Carla, I think because of the congestive heart failure,
#48
⇓
he just needs Lasix.
#49
⇓
The future of the relationship
#50
⇓
I'm so proud of you, Bambi.
#52
⇓
They grow up so fast.
#53
⇓
- Dr. Cox. - And there you are.
#54
⇓
Excuse me?
#55
⇓
I was just now wondering if there's anything
#56
⇓
that could push my headache into a full-blown migraine.
#57
⇓
And there you are.
#58
⇓
What's the story on the admit in 64?
#59
⇓
Oh, she's great. I really like her.
#60
⇓
Let's see if you can't focus on things
#61
⇓
I actually give a rat's ass about.
#62
⇓
- [mockingly mimics him] - What?
#63
⇓
She blacked out at work. An accelerated heartbeat.
#64
⇓
Interesting.
#65
⇓
I don't care if it wasn't good first-date conversation,
#66
⇓
Michael deserved to know what I think about circumcising babies.
#67
⇓
Over my dead body.
#68
⇓
What? Actually, no.
#69
⇓
No, it wasn't, which is surprising 'cause he's Jewish.
#70
⇓
I gave her two Valium.
#71
⇓
Okay, I'm e-mailing you as we're talking.
#72
⇓
How cool is that?
#73
⇓
So she's actually sedated as we speak?
#74
⇓
Okay, bye.
#75
⇓
Hey, Elliot. Okay, first impressions.
#76
⇓
- Did I scare Michael off? - No.
#77
⇓
Not if he enjoys a big fat cup of crazy.
#78
⇓
Ms. Tracy, we're all busy, so if we could get down to business...
#79
⇓
My God, I have the exact same e-maily-pagey thingy.
#80
⇓
- Oh, get out! - Oh, my God!
#81
⇓
My H sticks a little bit. Does yours?
#82
⇓
- It does, it does, it does. - That's so weird.
#83
⇓
Baby, it may just be a bench, but you know what?
#84
⇓
It's quiet. And I can chill.
#85
⇓
It's like my special place.
#86
⇓
You are so damn cute, I can't even stand it.
#87
⇓
Serious?
#88
⇓
I love it that my man's all deep and whatnot.
#89
⇓
- You know, I get deep. - I know.
#90
⇓
What's happening, Rerun?
#91
⇓
What up, Roge?
#92
⇓
How about some of this?
#93
⇓
Oh, come on, it wasn't even that good a show.
#94
⇓
- Take it back. - This second.
#95
⇓
Ooh, look at the time. Gotta go, it's lunchtime.
#96
⇓
See ya, baby!
#97
⇓
Are we still on for that Bresson exhibit?
#98
⇓
- Yes, we are. - Cool!
#99
⇓
Did somebody just ask out my girlfriend?
#100
⇓
Do you want to come?
#101
⇓
Black-and-white photography, very artsy-fartsy, no boobies.
#102
⇓
Hell, no.
#103
⇓
- Hello, sir. - Nice spot.
#104
⇓
Yes, sir. It is.
#105
⇓
I usually try to get out here for lunch every day at 12:30.
#106
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- You don't say? - Yep.
#107
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Every day, 12:30, for 23 years.
#108
⇓
Hey, from now on, your name is Scooter.
#109
⇓
- I don't get it. - Short for scooter pie.
#110
⇓
I hate scooter pies.
#111
⇓
Oh, now I see.
#112
⇓
You big jerk.
#113
⇓
Thanks again for the invite, Bambi.
#114
⇓
- I love photography. - Baby, photography's for studs.
#115
⇓
[she laughs]
#116
⇓
Maybe someone spent the morning
#120
⇓
Luckily, I was prepared.
#122
⇓
- Did you do your pre-rounds? - Yes.
#123
⇓
Discharge summaries?
#124
⇓
- Pharmacy renewals? - Yes.
#125
⇓
S.O.A.P. notes? Central line changes?
#126
⇓
Yes.
#127
⇓
Okay, Janet, but did you go ahead and fix your beeper
#128
⇓
so it doesn't play that annoying song every time you get paged?
#129
⇓
- Yes. - [pager beeps]
#130
⇓
- Crap. - [boxing bell]
#131
⇓
I - expect - you - to - act - like -
#132
⇓
a - professional - around - here!
#133
⇓
Is that all you got?
#134
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- Good one. - Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
#135
⇓
Interesting tidbit.
#136
⇓
Back during the gold rush when a man staked a claim,
#137
⇓
if he came upon another man panning his spot,
#138
⇓
why, he could shoot that fella dead
#139
⇓
without even asking any questions.
#140
⇓
You don't say.
#141
⇓
Simpler times.
#142
⇓
Okay, what if you've had three great dates
#143
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and he likes you so much
#144
⇓
he hasn't even tried to have sex with you yet?
#145
⇓
I could sabotage that relationship in two phone calls.
#146
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- I could do it in one. - Sabotage that relationship.
#147
⇓
For starters, I would ask him why he finds me so repulsive.
#148
⇓
Then I would coerce him into having phone sex with me,
#149
⇓
after which I would ask him if he thinks we have a future,
#150
⇓
and then I'd probably just cry until he hung up on me.
#151
⇓
We are so alike.
#152
⇓
I know!
#153
⇓
"Oh, stop." "No, you stop."
#154
⇓
Oh, dear God.
#155
⇓
- Ms. Tracy, we'll go ahead... - Can you give me one sec?
#156
⇓
I'm on The Zone. I'm trying to arrange to have food delivered.
#157
⇓
Fatty had a party and nobody came.
#158
⇓
- Preaching to the choir. - [whistles]
#159
⇓
Okay, think of what little patience I have
#160
⇓
as, oh, I don't know, your virginity.
#161
⇓
You always thought it would be there until that night
#162
⇓
when you were feeling a little down about yourself,
#163
⇓
and your pal, Kevin, who just wanted to be friends,
#164
⇓
well, he dropped by and he brought a copy of
#165
⇓
About Last Night and a four-pack of Bartles & Jaymes.
#166
⇓
And ba-dow! [laughs]
#167
⇓
It was gone forever.
#168
⇓
Just like my patience is now.
#169
⇓
So you do scary little speeches?
#170
⇓
How adorable!
#171
⇓
This is so much fun.
#172
⇓
Careful, Rapunzel.
#173
⇓
- Oh. - Fun time is officially over.
#174
⇓
You think you can just treat Bambi like that and walk away?
#175
⇓
Get him, girlfriend.
#176
⇓
What up, T-Dog?
#177
⇓
How you doing?
#180
⇓
Dude, that's totally how my car was rocking
#181
⇓
when I took this girl out last night.
#182
⇓
[squeaks]
#183
⇓
Am I right?
#184
⇓
Ah, he earned it.
#185
⇓
Pain.
#186
⇓
So Cox tore into you, huh?
#187
⇓
You know what really pisses me off?
#188
⇓
No one ever calls him on anything, you know?
#189
⇓
You want to kick and scream while teaching people here,
#190
⇓
that's fine, but if you ever yell at my friend again
#191
⇓
over nothing, then I will personally wipe
#192
⇓
that scary smile off your face,
#193
⇓
put it in my purse and keep it there until no one around here
#194
⇓
is any more scared of you than I am.
#195
⇓
It's not fair.
#196
⇓
Wait, why are you eating in here?
#197
⇓
T-man's afraid of Kelso.
#198
⇓
I'm not afraid of Kelso.
#199
⇓
I just felt like eating in here.
#200
⇓
Go outside and stand up for yourself.
#201
⇓
Hell, yeah.
#202
⇓
Dude, you know what else stands up for itself?
#203
⇓
You know, Todd, I'm not sure.
#204
⇓
But I'm gonna guess that it's your penis.
#205
⇓
It is.
#206
⇓
Oh, no.
#207
⇓
Everyone, we can all relax now.
#208
⇓
The planets have been realigned
#209
⇓
and order shall be returned to the people.
#210
⇓
- Hey, you. - Just give me two seconds.
#211
⇓
Gotta finish e-mailing Jill.
#212
⇓
I have, right here, your little friend's test results.
#213
⇓
Shall we have some fun and take a look?
#214
⇓
Hmm, interesting.
#215
⇓
EKG, negative. Tilt table, negative.
#216
⇓
Nothing, in fact, is wrong with her
#218
⇓
but exhaustion, brought on by...
#219
⇓
let it come... being her.
#220
⇓
- Yeah, but if you don't... - No, no, no. No, no, no.
#221
⇓
There's no time for "Yeah, buts."
#222
⇓
I want her punted out of here in the next five minutes
#223
⇓
or you will be responsible for covering every missed shift
#224
⇓
during this year's flu season.
#225
⇓
Now go, now go, now go.
#226
⇓
[whistles] Hey, you...
#227
⇓
For what it's worth, I don't care if your beeper plays
#228
⇓
as many times as you like.
#230
⇓
Actually, sir, it's "who, who."
#231
⇓
- Thank you. That's great. - Sure.
#232
⇓
And, Ginger, by the way,
#233
⇓
just a real smooth move running to your mommy.
#234
⇓
- Excuse me? - Yeah, your mommy cr-rushed me.
#235
⇓
She did. I'd like to issue a warning to everybody,
#236
⇓
and I'm dead serious.
#237
⇓
FYI: J.D.'s mommy has made it perfectly clear
#238
⇓
that she doesn't want her daughter picked on anymore.
#239
⇓
Nothing mean. She's a precious flower
#240
⇓
and we should all be super nice to her.
#241
⇓
[pager]
#242
⇓
I was paged.
#243
⇓
Hello?
#244
⇓
Anyone?
#245
⇓
Oh, hell, no!
#246
⇓
When I get out of here, we should totally hang.
#247
⇓
I'd love to. I should warn you, though,
#248
⇓
I work a ton and when I'm off, I stay at home to catch up
#249
⇓
on paperwork or read medical journals
#250
⇓
just to stay ahead of the curve.
#251
⇓
I'm a nerd.
#252
⇓
I wish I could stay home and read sometimes,
#253
⇓
but my job, it's like... you know?
#254
⇓
With married-by-the-millennium
#255
⇓
still hanging over my head, I go on like 1,000 blind dates.
#256
⇓
And then there's all my friends who always need something.
#257
⇓
There's me who never wants to let anyone down, you know, ever.
#258
⇓
With so many balls in the air,
#259
⇓
sometimes, it gets, it gets a little overwhelming.
#260
⇓
As soon as I leave, I know I'm going right back to that mess.
#261
⇓
Oh, my God, I'm practically crying.
#262
⇓
How pathetic is that?
#263
⇓
I came down to tell you that we're gonna keep you here
#265
⇓
for the weekend, just to get some rest.
#266
⇓
It's so on.
#269
⇓
Mommy.
#272
⇓
Mommy. Mommy.
#273
⇓
Mommy.
#274
⇓
Give me that, Bambi, that's not a toy.
#275
⇓
My name is not Bambi, okay?
#276
⇓
It's Dr. Dorian.
#277
⇓
I don't need to be looked after, okay?
#278
⇓
So, look, how about I'll be the doctor and you be the nurse.
#279
⇓
Yes, doctor.
#280
⇓
Good choice.
#281
⇓
I have... I have to go check on something.
#282
⇓
Carla, wait.
#284
⇓
What did you do?
#285
⇓
- What did you do? - What did you do?
#286
⇓
She called me Bambi in front of everyone.
#287
⇓
My name is not Bambi!
#288
⇓
It's Scooter!
#289
⇓
Oh!
#290
⇓
Short for scooter pie.
#291
⇓
Baby, J.D. is my best friend,
#292
⇓
but if you need me to kick his ass, I will kick his ass,
#293
⇓
'cause I care for you.
#294
⇓
And I'm willing to sleep with you.
#295
⇓
Hell, yeah.
#296
⇓
Sweetie, you know if I wanted his ass kicked I'd do it myself.
#297
⇓
[catty growl]
#298
⇓
Todd,
#299
⇓
if you ever make that horny-cat noise at me again,
#300
⇓
I will reach into your mouth and unscrew that seven-watt bulb
#301
⇓
that barely keeps your brain open for business.
#302
⇓
Damn.
#303
⇓
Dude, chick threats are hot.
#304
⇓
What did I tell you about annoying Carla?
#305
⇓
If she makes me choose between the two of you,
#306
⇓
you know how it's gonna end up.
#307
⇓
Yes, I do. And I thank you for that.
#308
⇓
♪ Alouette ♪
#309
⇓
Could you be cuter with the new hair color?
#310
⇓
Holy cow! Please, no.
#311
⇓
No.
#312
⇓
Good morning, sunshine.
#313
⇓
Could you possibly excuse me for just one second?
#314
⇓
Oh, dear God, you're still here.
#315
⇓
Who exactly is doing this to me?
#316
⇓
- Look, Carla... - It's okay. You overreacted.
#319
⇓
I should've realized you can stand up for yourself.
#320
⇓
Actually...
#321
⇓
I know you would take it back if you could. I do.
#322
⇓
We're okay, right?
#323
⇓
I think I've said all I can.
#324
⇓
I'll see you tonight for the exhibit.
#325
⇓
- Why'd you have me paged? - To ask you to forgive me.
#326
⇓
For what?
#327
⇓
Hello, sad clown.
#328
⇓
- Thanks for paging her. - How could you?
#329
⇓
He called me cutie and said my eyes were as blue as the ocean.
#330
⇓
I... I got confused.
#331
⇓
It probably would've worked on me too.
#332
⇓
You're damn right it would've. Come.
#333
⇓
- Is he single? - [door slams]
#334
⇓
Hello?
#335
⇓
Look at you, all proud.
#336
⇓
Now, don't tell me you've already managed to eat?
#337
⇓
I took my sweet time, too.
#338
⇓
Consider that your last supper.
#339
⇓
I'm bored with the games.
#340
⇓
Are you forbidding me to sit here?
#341
⇓
This is a public bench.
#342
⇓
You are as welcome here as I am but you won't come back again.
#343
⇓
You know why? Because you just don't have the mettle.
#344
⇓
Now get the hell out of here
#345
⇓
so I can eat my wife's egg-salad sandwich
#346
⇓
before the tomato soaks through the bread.
#347
⇓
Beautiful day.
#348
⇓
Did you get into photography when you were in college or...?
#349
⇓
No. Actually, I never went to college.
#350
⇓
Ah.
#351
⇓
Don't tell any of my patients but neither did I.
#352
⇓
Is that supposed to make me feel better or something?
#353
⇓
What? No, it was just a joke.
#354
⇓
I was doing the whole, like, turn a frown upside-down.
#355
⇓
Yeah, you know what? Hold it. I don't think we're okay.
#356
⇓
Wait, you just accepted my apology. You can't take it back.
#357
⇓
Have you ever spent time with a woman?
#358
⇓
Is my punishment coming or is it just horrible staring
#359
⇓
because the anticipation is killing me.
#360
⇓
- Make your case. - I'm sorry, what?
#361
⇓
Well, you tell me why Chorey McCrazy Chore
#362
⇓
should get to stay here two more nights.
#363
⇓
Okay.
#364
⇓
You don't understand how hard it is for some women
#365
⇓
to make it on their own nowadays.
#366
⇓
Jill is so exhausted. It won't get easier.
#367
⇓
She's her own worst enemy.
#368
⇓
She's constantly trying to please.
#369
⇓
She judges herself harsher than anyone does.
#370
⇓
Have you actually seen what you look like today?
#371
⇓
I know, I'm a skank. She never says no to anyone, so...
#372
⇓
Swing by my apartment after work,
#373
⇓
pick up a sample of my dog's stool
#374
⇓
and take it to the vet for me?
#375
⇓
I can do it at lunch.
#376
⇓
[elevator bell rings]
#377
⇓
- Oh... - It's okay.
#378
⇓
Jill can stay a little longer.
#379
⇓
And if we're real lucky, she'll realize that it's okay
#380
⇓
to give yourself a break every once in a while, right?
#381
⇓
Yeah.
#382
⇓
Hey. I took a cab from the last stop.
#383
⇓
- You forgot your coat. - I don't want it.
#384
⇓
Why would you?
#385
⇓
I was only gonna go to that stupid exhibit
#386
⇓
because I wanted you to think I was brainy or something.
#387
⇓
- I'm so angry at myself. - Oh, thank goodness.
#388
⇓
I thought you were mad at me.
#389
⇓
I've had hundreds of interns decide
#390
⇓
that they don't need me anymore. Why should...?
#391
⇓
You see, this is why you can't be friends with doctors.
#392
⇓
Carla, if it's a problem,
#393
⇓
you, me, Elliot and Turk will get together...
#394
⇓
I don't work with Turk and I'm not that close to Elliot.
#395
⇓
The only problem here is you, okay?
#396
⇓
We're supposed to be friends.
#397
⇓
Your self-esteem is so wrapped up in what you do.
#398
⇓
A doctor. That's all you are. That's how you define yourself.
#399
⇓
And you think that you're better than me because of it.
#400
⇓
- Carla, I do not think... - Admit it.
#401
⇓
Admit it right now or I'll never respect you again.
#402
⇓
Okay. Sometimes that's true.
#403
⇓
Carla, you're a good nurse.
#404
⇓
I'm a great nurse.
#405
⇓
You patronizing ass.
#406
⇓
You don't even get it, do you?
#407
⇓
In nine years, I never once felt bad about myself
#408
⇓
for what I do, not for one second.
#409
⇓
And then I met you.
#410
⇓
- Please wait. - Don't.
#411
⇓
Hey.
#412
⇓
is through someone else's eyes.
#414
⇓
Impressive.
#416
⇓
Or you'll learn from it.
#417
⇓
Hey, how many MeQs of potassium should I give this guy?
#420
⇓
You know the answer to that. Don't do that.
#421
⇓
But thanks, Bambi.
#422
⇓
See you tomorrow, Scooter.
#424
⇓
[Irish music]
#425
⇓
He's actually very talented.
#426
⇓
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