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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S18E02 — Dennis and Dee Don't Get Rich

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 18, Episode 2 — Dennis and Dee Don't Get Rich

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: Dennis and Dee Don't Get Rich

Air date: August 17, 2026

Director: Todd Biermann

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

The Reynolds twins push themselves to the limit to secure Sam's transfer of wealth. Charlie and Frank plan a proper memorial for Bonnie during the annual Mummers Parade.

Source: TMDB

↓

[Dennis] Wow, look at her.

dennis

↓

[mortician] Seeing the deceased can be difficult and disorienting.

deceased difficult seeing

↓

Oh, sure. Yeah, no, absolutely.

absolutely

↓

But, you know, I was more talking about the head.

head

↓

Like, uh, great job getting it back on, buddy.

buddy

↓

-I mean, that's seamless. -[Dee] Yeah.

↓

-You're an artist, man. -Oh, yeah.

artist

↓

Thank you. Yes, uh, that was very challenging.

challenging

↓

Uh, and must have been very disturbing for you all.

disturbing must

↓

Oh, didn't see it coming at all.

coming

↓

-I didn't love it. -No, it was gross.

gross love

↓

-Almost ruined the wedding for us. -Yeah.

ruined wedding

↓

-I can imagine. -[Dennis] Yeah.

dennis imagine

↓

-Uh, well, I'm so sorry for your loss. -Yeah, well...

loss

↓

-And-And what, may I ask... -[Dee] Right.

↓

-...are your plans for the remains? -Oh, was that on us?

plans remains

↓

-A p... A plan. -[Dennis] I don't know.

dennis plan

↓

There's not really much we can do with her.

↓

She's starting to turn, isn't she?

starting

↓

Honestly, if you wanna just cram her into a trash can

cram trash

↓

or a dumpster, I don't know what you do with them.

dumpster

↓

Just say have fun with it. Honestly, do whatever you want.

fun

↓

-We don't care, know what I mean? -No preference.

care

↓

-You wanna toss her in a meat grinder? -Oh, wow.

meat toss

↓

You could fire her out of a cannon into the Delaware. That'd be fun.

cannon delaware fire fun thatd

↓

-That sounds fun. -[stammers] I'm just having fun.

fun having sounds stammers

↓

Whatever floats your boat, you know what I mean?

boat floats

↓

Really, all we need is the death certificate there.

certificate death

↓

-So, if you don't mind. -Oh. Uh, yes.

mind

↓

-Ah, yes! -Here you are.

↓

-Okay, there it is. -Boom! Done, dead! Yes!

boom dead

↓

-[chuckles] We got it! Nice. Thank you. -[Dee] We did it.

chuckles

↓

You're welcome.

welcome

↓

-Hey, do you mind if I do the sliding? -I'm sorry?

mind sliding

↓

I just always wanted to do, you know, the sliding thing,

sliding wanted

↓

where you slide the body in and then you slam the door.

body door slam slide

↓

-Oh, uh, sure. -[Dee] Yeah?

↓

-That'd be great. -Thank you.

thatd

↓

-Assuming you want in on this. Come on. -Are you kidding me? Of course.

assuming course kidding

↓

Let's do it on three, yeah?

three

↓

-Yeah. Okay. -All right, ready?

ready

↓

-One, two, three. -One, two, three.

three

↓

[mortician] Oh. Oh.

↓

-Boom! [laughs] -Did not disappoint. [sighs]

boom disappoint laughs sighs

↓

Dee, we are about to get rich.

rich

↓

[♪♪ "Temptation Sensation" playing]

playing sensation temptation

↓

Mom, home sweet home, huh?

home sweet

↓

Are you happy to be back?

happy

↓

Hey, Frank, the guys are saying no to the 21-gun salute.

frank salute

↓

Oh, Sam would've wanted to go out with a bang.

bang wanted wouldve

↓

Come on, man. We gotta find a middle ground

ground middle

↓

between my mom's funeral and Sam's, right?

funeral moms sams

↓

What's going on, guys? [stammers] Who are all these men?

stammers

↓

Okay, yeah. So, the guys in the fezzes are Shriners,

↓

and the dudes working on the house, those are mostly Mummers.

dudes house mostly working

↓

There's a couple VFW guys and a few Elks Lodge types I think as well.

couple types

↓

-[Frank] Yeah. Yep. -Why? What are they doing?

frank

↓

-It's for the funeral. -Yeah.

funeral

↓

Well, see, my mom was, like, super active in the Philly's men's group scene.

active group mens scene super

↓

-She was a Mummer hummer. -[scoffs] Stop. Stop.

scoffs

↓

But why are they all, like, painting and hammering stuff?

hammering painting stuff

↓

Oh, 'cause I'm gonna sell the house to pay for the funeral.

funeral house sell

↓

Sell it? No, what are you talking about? We talked about my mom moving back in.

moving sell talked

↓

-I know, but the budget's way up. -The budget skyrocketed.

budget budgets

↓

And I need the money to pay for the clowns and to pay for the musicians and...

clowns money

↓

What kind of a funeral are you talking about throwing?

funeral throwing

↓

Felt like I was just very clear about this.

clear

↓

-Hey, Charlie. Where's Uncle Jack? -Charlie!

charlie jack uncle uncle-jack

↓

Yeah, uh... What's going on in here?

↓

He's selling the house to pay for the clowns, Dennis.

clowns dennis house selling

↓

-To pay for the clowns. -Well, not just for clowns.

clowns

↓

The clowns are a part of the funeral.

clowns funeral part

↓

I would love for you guys to be a part of the funeral.

funeral love part

↓

-We don't care about any of this. -My God, Charlie.

care charlie

↓

We already helped you throw a man over a cliff.

cliff helped throw

↓

[Dennis] Yes. We're not gonna involve ourselves

dennis involve

↓

in any of your macabre nonsense any longer, okay?

longer nonsense

↓

Especially not some clown-based funeral.

based clown especially funeral

↓

Oh, God. Clowns. [mockingly] "I'm a sad clown."

clown clowns

↓

But they're gonna throw my mom out on the street.

street throw

↓

I don't care. No moms, no funerals. I say throw her wherever.

care funerals moms throw

↓

So Uncle Jack for us now.

jack uncle uncle-jack

↓

-All we need is Jack. -Find Uncle Jack.

jack uncle uncle-jack

↓

Okay, I'd like for you guys to relax, okay?

relax

↓

Did he say "relax"?

relax

↓

-He did. -Did he say "relax"?

relax

↓

-Yes. -I... [grunts]

grunts

↓

Here's the thing about telling someone to relax--

relax telling

↓

Fine, calm down then.

calm

↓

[Dennis] Oh, that... [stammers]

dennis stammers

↓

Just point us in the direction of Uncle Jack, please.

direction jack point uncle uncle-jack

↓

Please, just Uncle... Please, just Uncle... Please tell us where Uncle Jack is.

jack uncle uncle-jack

↓

-That's what we want. -Guys, where's Uncle Jack?

jack uncle uncle-jack

↓

He's in the basement.

basement

↓

Great! There it is. That's all we needed to know.

needed

↓

God, that was... [stammers] That wasn't that hard.

hard stammers

↓

We're surrounded by poverty, Dee. We're gonna go down to the basement.

basement poverty surrounded

↓

Hold your breath though, 'cause you can catch it.

breath catch

↓

It's like a disease you can catch.

catch disease

↓

-We've got all the papers here. -We've got all the papers.

papers

↓

We've got my agreement with Sam,

agreement

↓

and then you have Dennis's agreement with Sam,

agreement denniss

↓

the inheritance agreement and the certificate of death.

agreement certificate death inheritance

↓

Just give him the whole thing.

whole

↓

That's all for you and it's time to transfer the money to us.

money transfer

↓

Now, is that going to be a wire transfer

transfer wire

↓

or is there like a vault somewhere full of chicken money

chicken chicken-money full money

↓

that we could dive into and swim around in like Scrooge McDuck.

dive scrooge swim

↓

-Oh, like Scrooge McDuck! -Yes!

scrooge

↓

-Scrooge McDuck! Yeah... -I've always wanted to pull--

pull scrooge wanted

↓

This looks good. You got everything in order here.

order

↓

You got a thumbprint.

↓

The only thing we need is the marriage certificate.

certificate marriage

↓

Uh, what?

↓

-Why do we need a marriage certificate? -No. No, there's no need.

certificate marriage

↓

They got married. We saw them get married.

married

↓

-It was on TV. We all saw it. -Yeah.

↓

Yes, yes, we saw it, but, uh, I need the official marriage certificate,

certificate marriage official

↓

so I can prove they were actually married. I mean, I have this.

married prove

↓

-Oh, then that's it. That's the one. -That's great. Use it.

↓

Okay, uh, but see, this has Frank's signature and thumbprint.

franks signature

↓

It doesn't have Sam's signature or thumbprint.

sams signature

↓

I'm sorry.

↓

I-I can't help you guys unless I get a signed copy with a thumbprint.

copy signed

↓

-No! That can't be. -[stammers] It's okay, Dee.

stammers

↓

-[Jack] Here you go. -Can I just see the one that...

jack

↓

Oh, j... Oh, you know... Oh, my God.

↓

This is my... Ah, fiddlesticks. You know, I-I-I screwed this up.

screwed

↓

-Did you? -I screwed the pooch on this one.

screwed

↓

Yeah, I botched it 'cause I brought the wrong paperwork.

botched brought paperwork

↓

-You did? -I have the marriage certificate

certificate marriage

↓

that has been signed and thumbprinted by both of them.

signed

↓

-You do? -I have it at my place.

place

↓

And we're gonna go get it and bring it back

bring

↓

-and all will be well in the world. -Great.

world

↓

-I got it. I have a plan. -Uh-huh.

plan

↓

All right. Hey, hey, hey,

↓

when you come back, can you bring me a cup of water?

bring water

↓

Charlie turned all the water off down here.

charlie turned water

↓

-[Dennis] Uh, water. -Is that a yes?

dennis water

↓

[Mac] This is gonna work.

↓

Dad always knew exactly what to do in a jam,

↓

and I think once he sees your beautiful face,

face sees

↓

he's gonna think of something quick.

quick

↓

Right. Uh, speaking of which,

speaking

↓

um, I don't think he's gonna do this for nothing,

↓

so I was hoping maybe we could offer him a conjugal visit for motivation?

hoping motivation offer visit

↓

No way.

↓

Mommy, listen, we have to start acting like a family again,

acting family mommy start start-acting

↓

-otherwise this is not gonna work. -[groans]

groans otherwise

↓

Dad, Dad, hi! Hi, Dad.

↓

Hey, Dad. Dad. Dad. Hi, Dad. Yeah, you have to put the phone to your...

phone

↓

Dad, hi, how are you?

↓

Um, it's been a minute since we've seen each other, um, you know, since the dance.

dance minute seen

↓

You know, you... you walked out early on that,

early walked

↓

so, um, just wasn't sure if you had to, like, use the bathroom or...

bathroom

↓

Did you like it?

↓

No.

↓

No. No. [chuckles] But you knew what I was going for, right?

chuckles

↓

[sniffs, clears throat, blows]

blows clears clears-throat sniffs throat

↓

[Mac] Oh. Express.

express

↓

Um, we've got a problem.

problem

↓

Um... [stammers] ...it appears that Charlie's mom died,

appears charlies died stammers

↓

which means Mom is now gonna be homeless.

homeless

↓

And?

↓

Well, and we were hoping that you could help us out.

hoping

↓

You see... [sighs] ...Dennis doesn't want Mom living with us

dennis living sighs

↓

and Charlie is gonna sell the house

charlie house sell

↓

and then pay for some kind of Mummer's funeral,

funeral

↓

and, well, we were thinking that in exchange for helping us out,

exchange helping thinking

↓

that maybe Mom could give you a hand job.

hand

↓

Wait, wait, wait, shut up.

↓

Sorry, if a hand job is not your thing,

hand

↓

I'm sure Mom could do something much more aggressive.

aggressive

↓

Bonnie is dead?

bonnie dead

↓

Well, yeah, that's what I just said, yes.

↓

And the Mummers are throwing a funeral?

funeral throwing

↓

Yeah, but that... that's not the issue.

issue

↓

If you've gotten used to a more sexual lifestyle--

gotten lifestyle sexual used

↓

-Shut up. -Yeah.

↓

Take your mother to your uncle Donald.

donald mother uncle uncle-donald

↓

Why? Why would I do that? W-What's going on with Uncle Donald?

donald uncle uncle-donald

↓

-I thought you didn't like him. -I don't.

↓

But we could use him.

↓

This could be good.

↓

[Dennis] Hey, how you doing?

dennis

↓

[chuckles] Do you remember us?

chuckles remember

↓

Yes, I believe you're the people

believe

↓

who recommended I throw your mother in the trash.

mother recommended throw trash

↓

Oh, well, you know, we said a lot of other things too.

↓

[chuckles] Yeah, it was just a suggestion. Yeah, yeah, it was one idea.

chuckles idea suggestion

↓

Yeah. Um, we... we feel like we need a little bit more time with the body

body

↓

if that's okay with you.

↓

We really rushed our goodbyes the first time.

rushed

↓

Yeah. Got a little excited and sort of forgot the most important part, you know.

excited forgot part

↓

Do you mind if we pop back in there?

mind

↓

And slam the door a bunch more times?

bunch door slam times

↓

-[chuckles] No. I mean, well... -[chuckles] No, no.

chuckles

↓

-No. -We did that.

↓

-No, we're not gonna do that. -'Cause that door's all wonky now.

doors

↓

-Is it? -Super wonky.

super

↓

And those doors aren't cheap.

cheap doors

↓

-It seems like maybe they are. -We didn't know.

seems

↓

-No. Very, very expensive. -Oh, wow, sorry about that.

expensive

↓

Like I said, we got excited.

excited

↓

I get excited too. I get excited, but I don't slam them.

excited slam

↓

I just gently close them.

close gently

↓

Seems like a wasted opportunity.

opportunity seems wasted

↓

Yeah, that's on you. [chuckles]

chuckles

↓

-Can we go in there? -One quick ask.

quick

↓

You don't want us to slam the door. You're obsessing about that.

door obsessing slam

↓

-[Dennis] Yeah, I don't even want to. -$60,000 door.

dennis door

↓

-[Dennis] I honestly don't... -Whoa, that's a lot.

dennis whoa

↓

-It sure is. I got it out of my system. -Just be careful.

careful system

↓

-Don't know about you. -Don't even want to slam it.

slam

↓

[chuckling] Okay.

chuckling

↓

We're gonna slam the door.

door slam

↓

-Oh, absolutely. [chuckles] -Okay.

absolutely chuckles

↓

All right, Dee. Let's get this goddamn thumbprint and get the the hell out of here.

goddamn

↓

Okay. How we gonna do that? -Uh, with the ink pad.

↓

We don't have an ink pad.

↓

-You didn't bring one? -You didn't tell me to.

bring

↓

All you said was, "Dee, I have an idea." That's all you said.

idea

↓

I thought we were just gonna get the thumb.

thumb

↓

Get the thumb?

thumb

↓

In case we need to use it retroactively for other documents or something.

case documents

↓

-I don't know. -[stammers]

stammers

↓

Well, now, see, that's interesting. Dee, that is interesting.

interesting

↓

Yeah, that's a good point. You know what?

point

↓

Yeah, slide the arm out, get the thumb, and keep her face covered

covered face slide thumb

↓

'cause I don't wanna look at her while you're doing it.

↓

-Kinda gross. -Right. No, I get that.

gross kinda

↓

But let me just stop you 'cause what I was envisioning was

↓

you being the one who did the snipping or the clipping of the thumb,

thumb

↓

-because I don't have a tool to remove it. -I don't have my tools.

remove tool tools

↓

Okay, but again, you didn't tell me what the plan was, right?

plan

↓

-Right. -There was no vocalization.

↓

[sighs] Okay, I think I know what happened here. [stammers]

happened sighs stammers

↓

I'm so excited about being rich

excited rich

↓

and I'm so irritated with the old patterns of poorness

irritated patterns

↓

and explaining my plans and my wants and my needs and whatnot...

explaining needs plans wants whatnot

↓

-Yeah. -...that I'm skipping steps, Dee.

skipping steps

↓

Yeah, well, people anticipate the needs of rich people.

needs rich

↓

-That's what I'm saying. -They do.

↓

That's why I'm so irritated because we shouldn't have to be

irritated

↓

problem-solving anymore, know what I mean?

anymore problem solving

↓

Never again.

↓

Okay, fine, I will get the thumb, but moving forward...

forward moving moving-forward thumb

↓

Oh, mark my words, when we need thumbs, people will anticipate this,

mark thumbs words

↓

and they will get thumbs for us without the need of vocalizations.

thumbs

↓

-Absolutely, they'll just appear. -Yeah.

absolutely appear

↓

[Dee] Okay, how are you gonna take it off?

↓

[Dennis] Uh...

dennis

↓

Yeah, I don't know. I was thinking I might... [sighs] ...just, like,

might sighs thinking

↓

wrench it back and forth a bunch of times till it comes off.

bunch comes forth till times wrench

↓

-It's worth a shot. -Right.

shot worth

↓

-Her head did, right? -[Dennis scoffs]

dennis head scoffs

↓

Yeah, it did just pop right off, didn't it?

↓

Okay, well, uh, you know, let's hope... let's hope that's how it goes.

hope

↓

-Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. -Okay, first one's gonna be...

ones

↓

Right, so we're gonna restore all the original hardwood floors.

floors original restore

↓

They're under the rug here. Uh, what am I missing?

missing

↓

-There's central heat and air. -[Frank] Charlie.

central charlie frank heat

↓

-Charlie, what do you think of that? -Uh... Hang on.

charlie hang

↓

Could you guys give me one second?

second

↓

Um, there's bedrooms upstairs. You gotta go look at them.

bedrooms upstairs

↓

And, guys, just let them through.

↓

-Uh, what am I looking at here, Frank? -It's a cannon.

cannon frank looking

↓

It's all on theme with the circus and the clowns and everything and whatnot.

circus clowns theme whatnot

↓

-Okay. All right. -It's a colorful cannon.

cannon colorful

↓

-[Charlie] That's good. -[Dee] No! No!

charlie

↓

Hey, real quick. What's your take on a cannon at the funeral?

cannon funeral quick real real-quick

↓

Are you still on this? Begone with you both!

↓

We don't have time for this shit, Charlie!

charlie

↓

We have the prints now and believe you me, they were not easy to come by!

believe easy prints

↓

-It was an ordeal. -It was awful!

awful ordeal

↓

Jack? Basement still? Yes? Basement?

basement jack

↓

Yes. I'm trying to flush him out of there, but he--

flush

↓

Silence!

silence

↓

We do not care about flushing men from basements.

care flushing

↓

Stop talking. I'm breathing in the poor.

breathing poor

↓

[Dennis shudders, groans]

dennis groans shudders

↓

So, cannon or no cannon?

cannon

↓

-Yeah, cannon. Let's do it. -Cannon!

cannon

↓

It's a great idea, Frank.

frank idea

↓

[Jack] Uh-huh.

jack

↓

All right, got what you needed there? Uh, all good now?

needed

↓

-Yeah. -Well, it's a thumbprint.

↓

-Yes, no shit. [chuckles] -Got you the thumbprint.

chuckles

↓

That's what you asked for. So let's move this along.

along asked

↓

Yeah. It's not the right thumbprint.

↓

What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

↓

What I'm saying is that this is not her thumbprint at all.

↓

Bullshit! You want to see the thumb?

bullshit thumb

↓

Yeah. Do you want to see it? Well, God, just shut up.

↓

No. Right.

↓

You can't see it because we don't have it with us.

↓

-That'd be crazy. -Of course.

course crazy thatd

↓

That is her thumbprint though, Jack. I can assure you.

assure jack

↓

I-I'm not sure.

↓

This pattern doesn't match the other documents.

documents match pattern

↓

[Dee] Oh, damn it.

↓

God, when I am rich no one will question me!

question rich

↓

These are problems for a poor person.

person poor problems

↓

Hey, hey, did-did you get me that cup of water?

water

↓

Oh, my God! Drink out of the toilet if you're so thirsty.

drink thirsty toilet

↓

-Drink from the toilet! -Jesus, poor people are so needy.

drink jesus needy poor toilet

↓

It is insufferable! [groans]

groans

↓

Dee, you thinking what I'm thinking?

thinking

↓

-Yeah, you ripped off the wrong thumb. -I believe so. Yeah.

believe ripped thumb

↓

It's so nice to see you both.

↓

Now, this is my finest rosé, and I have a branzino in the oven.

finest oven

↓

I'll be right back. Make yourselves at home.

home yourselves

↓

I don't know. He's kind of a dick, don't you think, Mom?

dick

↓

-Oh. -What the fuck is this?

fuck

↓

Yeah, that's pink wine,

pink wine

↓

so you're going to want to plug your nose before you drink it.

drink nose plug

↓

The fish needs another ten.

another fish needs

↓

So, you need a place to stay?

place

↓

-[knocking on door] -Oh.

door knocking

↓

[chuckling] Well, I wonder who that could be.

chuckling wonder

↓

I'll check it out.

check

↓

Hello, Donald.

donald

↓

Luther?

luther

↓

Dad? You got out?

↓

24-hour compassionate leave to participate in Bonnie's funeral.

bonnies compassionate funeral hour participate

↓

Thought I'd pop by for dinner.

dinner

↓

-Yeah! -Yeah.

↓

[Mac chuckles]

chuckles

↓

Electric, huh?

electric

↓

My whole family reunited.

family reunited whole whole-family

↓

And an uncle, kind of an add-on.

uncle

↓

Whatever happened between you two?

happened

↓

Your uncle and I, we had a falling out over the Mummers.

falling uncle

↓

He was angry that I wouldn't let him join me in the organization.

angry join organization

↓

I always wanted to be a Mummer,

wanted

↓

march in the parades, do the choreography, play the music. [chuckles]

choreography chuckles march music

↓

But, uh, your father, he frowned upon people who shared my lifestyle.

father lifestyle shared

↓

But I was wrong, Donald.

donald

↓

I can see that now. Prison has changed me.

changed prison

↓

Donald.

donald

↓

I'm sorry.

↓

Oh. Well, I-I don't know what to say.

↓

I... I'm-I'm very moved.

moved

↓

I'm moved too.

moved

↓

I think this calls for dessert. I made a crème brûlée.

calls dessert

↓

I'll go get it.

↓

[Mac] Great.

↓

[softly] So, Dad, why the sudden change?

change softly sudden

↓

I decided I should let Donald be the Mummer he always wanted to be

decided donald wanted

↓

and let him take my place in the funeral procession.

funeral place

↓

Oh. That's so nice.

↓

And then when it's over,

↓

the police will take him back to jail instead of me.

jail police

↓

I see.

↓

-Yoo-hoo! Hi there. -[Dennis] Oh, hey!

dennis

↓

No, absolutely not. You two ruined my door.

absolutely door ruined

↓

You slammed it again.

slammed

↓

Ah, well, we didn't slam it that hard.

hard slam

↓

The slider is bent and now the handle is all loose.

bent handle loose

↓

-Are they? -Oh, buddy.

buddy

↓

Did they get all busted up?

busted

↓

-I'm so sorry. -You know what?

↓

We're going to be so much more careful this time, you watch.

careful watch

↓

I have two broken doors now.

broken doors

↓

Whatever. We got the wrong body last time.

body

↓

Yeah, so can we...

↓

You said goodbye to the wrong corpse?

corpse goodbye

↓

Can you believe it?

believe

↓

-Crazy, right? -Honest mistake.

crazy honest honest-mistake mistake

↓

We just wanna say goodbye to the right person.

goodbye person

↓

It would mean a lot to us, you know.

↓

You ripped the thumb off a total stranger?

ripped stranger thumb total

↓

Caught that, did you?

caught

↓

Yeah, well, we... you know, we didn't have our tools.

tools

↓

No, and he didn't vocalize the plan,

plan

↓

and then there we were, just trying to pivot.

pivot

↓

-So I just had to wrench it. -Yeah. Great.

wrench

↓

You don't... Whatever. Look, she's not here anymore anyway.

anymore

↓

You threw her in the trash already?

threw trash

↓

No. [stammers]

stammers

↓

We don't throw bodies in the trash.

bodies throw trash

↓

Her husband came to get her. Uh... Uh...

husband

↓

-A Frank Reynolds took the remains. -What?

frank frank-reynolds remains reynolds

↓

-Why did you give her to him? -Why?

↓

She's not even technically married to him yet.

married technically

↓

-Yet? -[Dee] Goddamn it!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Okay, where did he take her?

↓

-How should I know? -Shit.

↓

You should know and you should tell us because we are meant to be rich.

meant rich

↓

We are not meant to be squabbling

meant

↓

with basement dwellers and morticians all day long.

basement

↓

Goddamn it, you are working class and we have moved on from you.

class goddamn goddamn-it moved working

↓

Okay, Dennis, I'm texting him.

dennis texting

↓

He's taking her to the funeral. I'll have him drop a pin.

drop funeral

↓

-You, thanks for nothing. -Yeah, thanks for nothing, pal.

thanks

↓

Dee, you know what? Let's go.

↓

And let's slide and slam every single thing on the way out.

single slam slide

↓

-Don't you dare slide and slam every-- -[cabinets slam]

dare slam slide

↓

♪♪ Fuck this job ♪♪

fuck

↓

♪♪ It's crazy ♪♪

crazy

↓

[♪♪ jovial music playing ♪♪ [Dennis] Okay. All right.

dennis jovial jovial-music music music-playing playing

↓

When we see the funeral procession, you throw your body over Sam's

body funeral sams throw

↓

-in a fit of tears, and get the print. -Yeah.

print tears

↓

Oh, well, the casket's gonna be closed though, right?

closed

↓

They don't do open caskets in a funeral procession, do they?

funeral open

↓

No, you're probably right. Yeah, okay.

↓

So, I'll throw my body over the coffin in a fit of tears, right,

body coffin tears throw

↓

and I'll knock the lid off.

knock

↓

-You grab the print then. -That's when I grab it.

grab print

↓

-Actually grab the whole thumb if you can. -Yeah. Right.

grab thumb whole

↓

Yeah. No. Hey, where are we?

↓

This, uh... This feels strange, but this is definitely where Frank dropped the pin.

dropped feels frank strange

↓

-It is? -Yes.

↓

I was gonna say 'cause it's a good crowd, but it doesn't seem like a funeral crowd.

crowd funeral

↓

-Something feels off. -[whistle blows]

blows feels whistle whistle-blows

↓

[♪♪ marching band plays "When The Saints Go Marching In"]

band marching plays saints

↓

[Dennis, Dee exclaiming]

dennis exclaiming

↓

What are they doing? What are we supposed to do?

supposed

↓

Are we meant to do something? Uh-oh.

meant

↓

Jesus. I don't know. We gotta find Frank.

frank jesus

↓

I don't know what the hell's going on. I don't even see a coffin.

coffin hells

↓

-Frank! -Frank!

frank

↓

Frank!

frank

↓

Frank!

frank

↓

-Dad, do you think this is gonna work? -Huh?

↓

Forget it. Here they come.

forget

↓

Look. There he is!

↓

You're really pulling this look off by the way.

pulling

↓

So beautiful.

↓

[♪♪ "When The Saints Go Marching In" continues]

continues marching saints

↓

He looks so happy.

happy

↓

-Are you crying? -No.

crying

↓

Bro, I think you're crying.

crying

↓

Oh, God, here put the glasses on.

glasses

↓

Yeah, that's... that's better.

↓

I don't like that. I don't like it.

↓

-[Dennis] I don't know where Frank is. -[Dee] Frank!

dennis frank

↓

[Dennis] I mean, where's Frank?

dennis frank

↓

-Frank! -Wait a second.

frank second

↓

Where the hell is Frank?

frank

↓

-Is that Charlie? Charlie! -[Charlie] Oh! Hey! Hey!

charlie

↓

Charlie, Charlie, where's Frank?

charlie frank

↓

Oh, my gosh, you guys came. This is the perfect send-off for my mom.

gosh perfect send

↓

She would be so happy you were here.

happy

↓

-Great. Where's Frank, dude? -[Charlie] Huh?

charlie frank

↓

Where's the body?

body

↓

Oh, my mom? She's ashes, dude.

ashes

↓

-Sam? Where's Sam? -Huh?

↓

Oh, she's in the cannon.

cannon

↓

[♪♪ jovial music plays]

jovial jovial-music music music-plays plays

↓

-What? -Oh, no.

↓

-[♪♪ jovial music ends] -Thank you all for coming

coming ends jovial jovial-music music music-ends

↓

as we bid our farewells to Bonnie and Sam,

bonnie

↓

two magnificent women,

magnificent women

↓

who would've wanted to go out with a bang.

bang wanted wouldve

↓

I should know, I banged both of 'em.

banged

↓

[spectators laugh]

laugh

↓

Drumroll, please.

↓

-Oh, my God. -Goodbye, my lovely.

goodbye lovely

↓

-[drumroll ends] -No, no, no.

ends

↓

-[cheering] -[Frank] Yeah!

cheering frank

↓

[♪♪ marching band starts to play]

band marching starts

↓

-Well, there go those thumbs. -Son of a bitch.

bitch thumbs

↓

No, wait. What are you doing? You got it all wrong.

↓

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Dad. I can't let it happen.

happen

↓

I'm not Luther. I'm Donald.

donald luther

↓

Wait, hold on, stop. He's telling the truth.

telling truth

↓

Listen, that man over there, that's the real Luther.

luther real

↓

Thank you for everything, buddy.

buddy

↓

Yeah, good to see you, and say hi to your family.

family

↓

How about that shot, Charlie? Slam dunk.

charlie dunk shot slam slam-dunk

↓

It was incredible, Frank. It was incredible.

frank incredible

↓

Guys, thank you so much for coming.

coming

↓

-Oh, fuck off! -Goddamn poor people. Ruin everything!

fuck goddamn poor ruin

↓

-What's eating them? -I don't know, dude.

eating

↓

Frank, this was amazing. This was amazing.

amazing frank

↓

My mom would've loved this. She would have loved this.

loved wouldve

↓

-I miss them both. -Yeah.

miss

↓

What are you doing?

↓

What are you doing? I'm Donald.

donald

↓

Mac! Mac! Mac!

↓

I'm so sorry, Uncle Donald.

donald uncle uncle-donald

↓

I knew that my dad was going to double-cross you the entire time.

cross double entire

↓

-Are you mad? -No, Son. I'm not mad.

↓

Dad? How?

↓

I never told Donald he could take my place in the parade

donald parade place

↓

'cause I knew you were gonna rat.

↓

Once a rat, always a rat.

↓

Oh. Does this mean you're gonna live as him with Mom now?

live

↓

Uh, okay. [stammers] Will I see you again?

stammers

↓

Oh, yeah. I'll probably come back to kill you someday.

kill someday

↓

[Mac] Eh. He's just being unpleasant. I'm sure he'll come around.

unpleasant

↓

[♪♪ band plays "I'm Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover"]

band four leaf looking plays

↓

♪♪ I'm looking over A four leaf clover That I overlooked before ♪♪

four leaf looking

↓

♪♪ One leaf is sunshine The second is rain ♪♪

leaf rain second sunshine

↓

♪♪ Third is the roses That grow in the lane ♪♪

grow lane roses third

↓

♪♪ No need explaining ♪♪

explaining

↓

♪♪ The one remaining Is somebody I adore ♪♪

adore remaining somebody

↓

♪♪ I'm looking over A four leaf clover That I overlooked before ♪♪

four leaf looking

↓

[♪♪ song ends]

ends song song-ends