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Tires

Season 1, Episode 6 — Dad

TMDB episode metadata
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I've been here for two hours. - At least it's a nice day.
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Oh, yeah. It's very nice. Yeah. It's not too bad.
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Is he still not here?
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Nope.
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- What's that face? What do you know? - A secret.
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- Do you know the secret? - No!
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Spill it, woman.
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Okay. So Mandy told me
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that Will went home with Reagan after the bikini car wash last night.
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No!
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Yes!
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- No! - Will slept with one of your friends?
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Sounds like it.
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The texts are really graphic.
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- You have the texts? - Of course. We tell each other everything.
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Oh!
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It's, like, really aggressive.
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- Oh my God! I know.
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- Yo, let me see that. - I'm not done yet.
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What's he saying?
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- I said I'm not done yet!
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It's awesome.
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Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
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Thank you very much. - Ooh!
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You too. I hope your cat feels better.
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Our little man's all grown up now.
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He's walking with a little swagger.
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Good morning. I don't wanna talk about it. Good morning.
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What did you do last night, dude?
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Guys, I can't right now. I'm very busy, as you can see.
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- He stinks! Cal.
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He stinks?
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Ew, dude!
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- Cal! - You can smell it on him.
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How is that possible?
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Well,
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I made love to a lady,
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and her hot water heater was broken, so I couldn't really catch a shower,
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and she was doing things aggressively
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that caused a lot of stuff to move around.
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Listen, guys.
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My dad is gonna be here in three hours. I need to finish this PowerPoint.
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You need to go home and shower, dude.
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Shane, I can't with you right now! So will you please just skedaddle?
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You're getting aggressive with me. Don't get too aggressive.
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I wouldn't want you walking me around your apartment
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like a little sex cat.
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It was a sex kitten.
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Sex kitten!
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- I know everything. - You don't anything.
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- I know everything. - You don't anything!
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- Shane, I'll throw up on you! I'll vomit! - Do not throw up on me.
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- I will vomit if you touch me again. - Ew, disgusting, dude.
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That's what he wrote? Yeah.
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That's unbelievable.
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Hey, Will.
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Hey, Dave. How's it going?
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Have you talked to my dad?
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- Uh, yeah.
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What's the temperature like?
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Mad.
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Mad how?
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Well, he didn't say anything, but, uh...
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Do your fucking job!
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...just came in, got some coffee, um...
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I could tell though.
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Well, how could you tell? I just could tell, man.
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Okay. Well,
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I know he's coming here today, and I just don't want him to be furious.
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So if you talk to him again, you know, I think the vibe you wanna give off is,
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"Will was coming from a good place with this idea,"
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and just really get the narrative going.
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"Best of intentions. Will tried."
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Dave, I need you to tell him that!
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Would you? Please?
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It's good. Everything's gonna be okay, man.
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Also, I do apologize for what I said to you the other day.
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That was... out of character and out of line, and I'm sorry.
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Hey, Will,
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this morning, I saw a mouse outside my house,
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and both its legs were fucked up.
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The back legs were broken,
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but the little guy kept trying to crawl by with his front two legs.
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He was struggling so hard, and nothing was easy.
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If it was me, I would just give up, but he wouldn't give up.
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Fucking New Jersey!
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He kept chugging along, even though the odds were stacked against him.
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And surely a very painful death would befall him at any moment.
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Anyway, it made me think of you, man.
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Well, that was incredibly sad. And thank you for telling me.
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You're a nice kid, man.
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All right. Bye, Dave.
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Good mood. Everybody, good mood. Energy up.
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This is John. Leave a message. - Hey, Dad. It's Will.
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I'm sure you're a little frustrated about the whole bikini car wash thing.
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If you're not,
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I think that's the right move, but if you are frustrated,
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I wanna let you know that it did come from the best of intentions.
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Also, I do have a new marketing strategy that I really want you to hear out
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because this one's a hot number.
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I recognize that we could be
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in a little bit of a boy-who-cried-wolf situation here,
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but remember, the boy did die at the end of that
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'cause he was screaming,
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"I got a great idea," and everybody said, "Eh, you don't," but he did.
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Dad, I'm telling you.
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Wolf! Wolf!
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Wolf's a-coming!
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The idea is the wolf.
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So call me back when you get a chance, or just show up smiles. Love you.
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Okay, do I still smell?
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Yeah.
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- Dang it! Oof!
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What am I gonna do to calm my dad down when he gets here?
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I would look busy.
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People are less mad at busy people.
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Right. That's not just a bad idea. That's an annoying one.
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I'm talking about playing Enya or something.
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Hey, Will. This guy's in for the tire special.
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He needs a new CV boot. I'm gonna sell it to him.
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No! Shane, I'll sell it to him.
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No, dude. You can't go out there smelling like pussy.
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It's totally unprofessional.
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- Okay, give me the-- - Oh, it's getting worse, dude!
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Shane, I'll rub it on you!
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I'm gonna go out there, find out if your tire idea works, all right?
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Whoa! Jeez Louise, Shane!
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Hey, Mr. Murray. How's it going?
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- Good. And yourself? I'm doing all right.
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Usually, I'm not the one coming out here to do this.
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Our manager, Will, he usually does,
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but we're trying to keep him away from the customers 'cause...
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Ma'am...
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That's the guy right there.
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Wave.
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Everyone's excited.
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Anyway,
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while we got your tires off, you're gonna need a new CV boot.
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It's about 200 bucks, but you're already spending 400 on the tires, so...
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All right, sure.
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Be right back.
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That tire idea works!
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- Great! Yeah.
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What'd you say about me in there?
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- I don't think we talked about you. - Yeah, you did. You pointed right at me.
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Did we point at you? I don't even remember pointing at you.
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It's crazy... It's not always about you.
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It's crazy that I think that you looked right at me and gave me the thumbs-up,
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and pointed directly, and we locked eyes.
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Are you sure?
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I went out there,
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met the customer, sold him,
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then talked about how you stunk like pussy and how unprofessional it was.
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- Then we pointed at you. - What?
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Fudge, I forgot about that.
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You said I--
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Who gives a fuck?
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Tires idea works.
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Cheap tires.
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- This is our new initiative. - I feel like "cheap" is the wrong word.
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I heard you when you said that the first time.
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- Sounds like the tires are shitty. - This is a full-blown sissy fight.
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Cal, we need the PowerPoint done in three hours. This is the first slide.
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I cannot with your energy right now. I can't!
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Think about it. You don't want "cheap" through the whole presentation.
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- Get this word right, the rest is easy. - He's got a point.
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Don't you have something to do out there?
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- Yes.
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Bravo!
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Bravo!
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Ass Man Willie got the job done!
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Ah!
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- Let's celebrate, my boy!
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I know the lady at the bakery, so I called in a little favor.
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Ass looks great, man. That's amazing.
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Right? I was rock-hard picking that thing up.
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So what happened?
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I had sex with a lady who had been out in the sun all day.
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- Okay. - Her apartment was dirty. She had snakes.
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But I'm gonna take a shower and get back to the PowerPoint.
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- Nice, man. - Hey, watch this.
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- No, no, no, no, no, no!
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Get over here!
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No, no, no, no, no, no!
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Hey, are we having fun?
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Um, yeah.
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Hey, Dad.
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Sorry to interrupt your party, Will.
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It's not my party.
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Well, there's a cake on the desk.
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Yeah, well, they forced the party on me.
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They forced it on you, huh?
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Hmm. Just like high school
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when they forced you to open the liquor cabinet
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and take the Jameson?
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I told you that wasn't me. - Yeah. Go ahead and blow out the candles.
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They're not mine. I'm not gonna blow 'em out.
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- Blow 'em out, Will. - They're not my candles to blow out!
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Make a wish and blow out the goddamn candles!
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All right, fine!
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Nope! You're still here!
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You know...
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...it's just been nothing but problems with you here.
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I mean, first, it was that insane women's history sale.
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That wasn't what it was.
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Then I try to incentivize you to sell,
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and you lost money. Pff!
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And on the back of that, you decided to have a bikini car wash?
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That was his idea!
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And finally, you flip out on a woman that I'm trying to do business with.
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And now they're just trying to fuck me on the end of this deal.
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I gave you a job,
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and now you're making mine harder.
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I need your key, Will.
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Dad, come on.
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Your key, Will.
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- You want the key? Yeah.
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You want the shirt too?
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Jesus Christ!
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Oh my God!
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She was really focused on this area, and I couldn't wrestle her face away.
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Dad, I...
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Actually, we had a very good idea, and it would have worked!
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Well, that's that.
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Have fun selling cheap oil changes to jerk-offs.
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What the fuck?
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Call your mother so she doesn't worry about you!
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I don't have the time right now,
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and she's just gonna do a bunch of this, so...
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Well, um, I'm gonna grab a slice of this ass if you don't mind.
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- Any takers? - I'm all right.
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- I'll have some. - Get the fuck out of my office!
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Yeah.
445ba01b-c50e-4923-858e-f99864984376.gif
Yeah.
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My bonus is gone. I was gonna go to Thailand this year.
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- Thailand? - Yeah, they'll do whatever over there.
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What do you mean "whatever"?
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Doesn't matter, Cal.
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All right. You're all set. Here's your receipt and your keys.
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- Thanks. - Thanks for coming in.
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Uh, nice shorts.
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Thanks. I like these because it gives me a reason not to wear underwear.
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Nice.
0261edcf-c041-446d-8ff5-14d6c0a126c3.gif
What?
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I'm just bored.
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All right. Well, do some work. - No.
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I can't believe you didn't stick up for Will.
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Oh, come on. You didn't do anything either.
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You were pathetic back there!
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What was I supposed to do? It's not like he's Spartacus.
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- Could be. Could've done it. Yeah. - Yeah? Supposed to stand there like...
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"No, I did the bikini car wash! I'm Will!"
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"Uh, I'm Will."
aa224d63-b638-4ea6-9631-f586167ea0c7.gif
"I'm Will."
d063e374-3534-4832-83a8-d65db475cc86.gif
"Oh, I'm Will."
eeec1179-e43b-499f-9699-13925e5082ec.gif
"I'm..." Fuck!
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"I'm Will, Shane!"
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- Wanna run some numbers with me? - You know how to run numbers?
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Can you compare our sales to Belmont's?
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Yeah.
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- Can I try? Yeah, go ahead.
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Is Will's laptop still here?
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I think so.
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Oh fuck!
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That was a good one. All right. My bad. My bad.
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Fuck!
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- Four, seven, nine, six-- Hey, Uncle John.
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- Yeah. Not right now. We're busy. Real quick. Wanna show you this.
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Before you fired him,
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Will made a presentation that he wanted to show you,
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and I think we owe it to him to hear him out on this.
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So I'm gonna give you the presentation.
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"True courage is in facing danger when you are afraid."
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That is something to think about. And he's...
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That is from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
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The book. All right. Fuck.
88b713ee-bd21-4436-93b6-9477b87cff61.gif
Look, Will has a good idea here, okay?
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If we change our marketing strategy to selling cheap tires,
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it makes it so much easier for us to upsell after that.
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- Will's idea? Yeah.
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God. Will's had another idea. Jesus.
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Will's had nothing but ideas for the past 20 years.
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He lives in an apartment that I pay for, just coming up with ideas.
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It was Will's idea to go to grad school.
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Never finished.
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His idea to spend two grand on piano lessons,
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and he can't even play the goddamn Jaws theme song.
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And it was Will's idea to have a reporter come in here
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and blackmail us for $900 worth of ad space.
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Will's ideas are always the same.
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He never follows through, and I'm left holding the bag.
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A million ideas, but never a girlfriend.
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- I know he has bad ideas. - Oh!
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No, I do, but this one is good. It will work.
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And also, the whole girlfriend problem?
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That might be getting solved pretty soon
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'cause he came in here, he stunk like pussy.
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We had to shower him off in the back.
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- What? - No!
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- He fucked one of the bikini girls. - Get the fuck out.
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The worst one, but he still... He fucked her.
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Kilah has the texts. Kilah!
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Hey, sir. I've got your order right here.
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Fuck, it stinks in here.
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Okay! Bye!
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"It definitely feels a lot bigger in doggy,
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but I was afraid I'd cramp up--"
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Okay.
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- Nice. - See? Sometimes, Will dogs out a lady.
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Sometimes Will also has pretty good ideas. This is one of them.
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Cal, show 'em the numbers.
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Those are all our shops the last three months.
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Every customer that came in to buy tires first almost always got extra work.
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Those are all the people that came in to get cheap oil.
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Almost none of 'em got extra work.
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- You guys did this? - Yeah.
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Numbers look good, John.
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And... Will did get pussy.
a1b76683-9d65-48b4-abb0-265c144f641b.gif
Yeah, um...
92306a41-af5a-4a20-b740-de0a42845b14.gif
All right. Let's get back to work. Come on.
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Valley Forge Automotive.
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Sorry, can I... help you?
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Hey, Will, it's Dad.
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Yeah, I'm...
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I'm sorry things got a little heated before.
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Yeah, it's just, um...
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I know it's just tough, you know, weighing all the...
8d7b5490-4545-4039-a422-39c0190edc8a.gif
...options before me right now.
ee400257-ab4d-43cc-9996-00a7709a7aa2.gif
But, hey, uh, it seems like all the guys really care about you around here.
abd8ab5d-b5c7-490a-9d95-38fb25f5cb73.gif
And, uh...
f03a5e6f-60e7-491d-afdd-9a46ef9cdc25.gif
It seems like you care too.
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And frankly,
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your idea's a good one.
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I haven't got a lot of runway left, you know,
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before I gotta decide about the sale,
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but this, uh...
e2307d3a-e9f6-4a23-a732-7ccced8b8cd1.gif
this cheap tires thing,
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let's do it.
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All right?
53a46375-c33a-4148-9260-2d5431e2cb52.gif
Let's do it.
00d3606d-9283-49ce-b21b-8a13b1cf399f.gif
♪ You know I hate to say goodbye ♪
9b285f56-0a90-471f-a44d-91c8181fb8db.gif
♪ But your body language ♪
9533cbc0-a8f9-44a8-9b68-d92e208b0fd0.gif
♪ Is a still frame in my mind ♪
f1fd79d7-5b9c-44c0-8c37-1925d6df0c73.gif
♪ You, you're my angel ♪
c56cc1ac-dc70-4d4e-9584-4a188a902ed4.gif
♪ We all hate to see you go ♪
445b9195-7711-4b99-b4a3-e94b88fb0ac8.gif
♪ But we all remember ♪
c8e5d3a6-2d06-4354-b43b-7d41c89c975d.gif
♪ Your position on the ground ♪
4cafe304-07cb-4d14-b0df-553a15443ddb.gif
♪ Just come on, angel ♪
7f10c311-a043-4992-842e-e39a8d70455e.gif
♪ I can't take it anymore ♪