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Home » Tires » S01E05 — Bikini Car Wash

Tires

Season 1, Episode 5 — Bikini Car Wash

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Tires
Episode title: Bikini Car Wash
Air date: May 23, 2024
Director: McKeever
Top billed cast: Steve Gerben, Shane Gillis, Chris O'Connor, Kilah Fox, Stavros Halkias
Will and Shane prepare for a fun day on the job after hiring women for an attention-grabbing car wash but are forced to pivot when a visitor drops in.
Source: TMDB
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So here they are.
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This is Amber, Alexis, Reagan, Molly, and Vicki.
ambermollyreaganvicki
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We all used to wait tables together back in the day.
tablesused
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Well, thank you, everybody, for coming.
comingeverybody
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And I just wanna say that we want you to feel comfortable.
comfortable
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So if at any point you are not, you know, please let me know.
point
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Holy shit. Looks like we got a superstar in the pack.
holypacksuperstar
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- Are you talking about me? - She talks like that?
talks
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You're amazing.
amazing
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I mean, I think you're all beautiful, so...
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Classic hottest-one shit to say.
classichottest
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Okay, you're all beautiful.
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And just to cover our bases, what we are doing here is,
basescover
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when we're washing the cars, we're also checking the tire depth.
carscheckingdepthtirewashing
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Hmm, sexy.
sexy
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I mean, it is when you do it.
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Anyway, this is a tire depth gauge, and, um...
depthgaugetire
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Oops. Oops. Pink top. Yep.
oopspink
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This is a tire depth gauge, and it is yellow or red.
depthgaugetireyellow
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That means that they need tires,
tires
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and we sell tires cheaper than the competition.
cheapercompetitionselltires
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Oh, and then you would upsell from there, right?
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Whoa!
whoa
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- Amber? Yeah.
amber
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My dad was a mechanic.
mechanic
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- You're Will's favorite. - I don't have a favorite!
favoritewills
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- I do. Okay.
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And also, this does not have to be slutty.
slutty
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- Yes, it does. It doesn't.
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It can be classy, you know?
classy
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Um, business-like.
business
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Yeah, slut... Business-slut casual.
businesscasualslut
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Think of, like, a slutty lawyer.
lawyerslutty
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You know what I mean? Slut...
slut
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I can't think of any other jobs women should have, but slut women jobs.
jobsslutwomen
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Ooh, ooh, ooh!
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- I don't think we should be drinking. - Whoa. I don't feel comfortable.
comfortabledrinkingwhoa
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You being fucking sexist?
fuckingsexist
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Not bad, Willie!
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- Not bad! - Ugh! Shane!
shane
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They're good.
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- This thing's gonna work. - It's going better than I thought.
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- I thought we were gonna get five Kilahs. - I thought so too!
five
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You see Alexis?
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I definitely saw her. When she stuck her tongue out at you?
stucktongue
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Yeah! - Holy shit!
holy
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Did you see the way Amber looked at me?
amberlooked
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- No. - You obviously saw it!
obviously
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You interrupted the whole... I mean, it was...
interruptedwhole
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Listen, I gotta do inventory, so...
inventory
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What are you talking about?
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I'm talking about business that I have to--
business
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Don't worry about business, dude. This is a "plesh" day.
businessworry
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- No, no, no, no! - I'm gonna have five or six brewskis.
five
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Five or six?
five
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Seven or eight. Good call.
eightseven
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Absolutely... You'll black out!
absolutelyblack
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I'm not gonna black out.
black
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I'm gonna level with you.
level
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- I'm probably gonna black out today. - Do not black out at work today.
blacktoday
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- There's no way I'm not getting fucked up. - Shane.
fuckedshane
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- Have a little fun. - We are!
fun
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- Amber was giving you the eyes. - Thank you!
ambereyesgiving
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- That's a five-or-six-brewski day. - What?
five
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Two or three brewskis.
three
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All right, fine. Two or three, but eat a lot of chips.
chipsthree
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Deal.
deal
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Six.
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Come on! - Have fun a little.
fun
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- I am, but you can't-- - There's beautiful girls in the shop!
girlsshop
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Get excited!
excited
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- Shane, I am excited! - Get excited a little.
excitedshane
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Uh... - Oh, hello.
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Will?
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- That's me. - Hi, I'm Lydia.
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Lydia!
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Did your father mention I was coming?
comingfathermention
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Uh, no.
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Nah. Will's been crushing too much to talk to his dad.
crushingwills
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Well, I'm Lydia from Marilyn's Mufflers.
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I've been negotiating the buyout with your father.
father
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I'm just here to take some quick photos, make sure the roof's not leaking,
leakingphotosquick
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lifts work, and then I'll be out of your hair.
hairlifts
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Wait, wait, wait! Stay in my hair for a second 'cause, um, negotiations?
hairsecond
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I... I... I thought that they... or we were just talking about negotiations.
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Uh, probably a conversation for you and your dad.
conversation
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I will be quick.
quick
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Oh, uh, w... w... wait, wait, wait!
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Lydia, um, quick question.
questionquickquick-question
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If there were gonna be a, um...
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A buyout?
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Yeah, like, what would happen to... the staff?
happenstaff
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If a buyout happens, which, frankly, is looking to be the case,
casefranklyhappenslooking
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typically, we would absorb good technicians and counter people,
countertypically
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but any management...
management
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Well...
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Jesus.
jesus
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I'm gonna take those photos to send to the team and your father,
fatherphotossendteam
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and then I'll be on my way.
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Oh, wait, Lydia. You're sending the pictures to my dad?
picturessending
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Yeah. Do you need me to say everything again?
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You know, if you're gonna be sending photos,
photossending
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I mean, always a good place to start is, uh, out front.
frontplacestart
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You know, like, any sort of photo display.
displayphoto
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Hey, Shane, would you clean up the mess out back?
cleanmessshane
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What mess?
mess
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The mess.
mess
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Oh shit. Yes. Yeah, I'll get it.
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All right, my beautiful angels. Yes. Yeah. Wow.
angels
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Nice. You guys look... This is good.
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Look, we gotta get up. We gotta get out of here.
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- Where are we going? - There's a lady coming.
cominglady
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If she sees you dumpster mermaids back here, she'll be pissed off.
dumpsterpissedseesshell
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Then the car wash is canceled, and then Will's fucked.
canceledfuckedwashwills
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So, you know, we gotta go.
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Get up. Come on.
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Go out here. Follow me.
follow
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- Grab the beer. You. - I got it.
beergrab
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Grab it. Nice.
grab
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Workhorses.
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I know it seems weird, but do you guys mind hanging out in here for a second?
hangingmindsecondseemsweird
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I'm not getting into a shipping container!
shipping
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It's just for a minute. Just...
minute
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Yeah, right. Next thing you know, we'll end up on Epstein's island.
island
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If you guys showed up on Epstein's island, they'd be furious.
furiousislandshowedtheyd
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"No, the pussy is spoiled! Send it back!"
pussysendspoiled
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- Dude. You're, like, way older than us. - You're, like, old enough to be our dad.
older
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It's pretty hot when you put it like that.
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No. The only reason we're here is 'cause Kilah fuckin' asked us.
askedfuckinreason
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We are not getting in a shipping container.
shipping
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No.
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All right, fine. Fucking... Let me think.
fucking
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What are you guys doing?
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Uh, what?
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What are you guys doing?
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Just trying to get these women into a shipping container.
shippingwomen
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- Oh, nice! - It's not as easy as you'd think.
easy
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I thought it was gonna be a cinch, but they're... they're reluctant.
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Typical.
typical
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- You guys sure you don't wanna get in? No!
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You, uh...
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you guys want some sandwiches?
sandwiches
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- Let's get a sandwich.
sandwich
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Yeah. Herding cats, dude. They'll come. Go.
cats
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Will! What's up, dude?
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Hey, uh, it's probably nothing, but some lady might stop by.
ladymight
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Yeah. Lydia. She's already here.
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Why didn't you tell me it was this serious?
serious
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I didn't know myself, Will. Okay?
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Your dad's not telling people a lot about what's going on.
dadstelling
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What's going on over there? Everything all right?
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What are the vibes? They good? She happy? Jokin' around with everybody?
everybodyhappyvibes
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Yeah, she came in like, "Knock, knock!" "Who's there?"
knock
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"Your fucking jobs are gone!"
fuckinggonejobs
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She's a real hoot, you dumb fuck!
dumbfuckhootreal
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Okay. Will, I understand you're under a lot of pressure now,
pressure
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but I'm still your superior!
superior
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Yeah. Okay. Well, you're gonna be picking me up in an Uber, Dave.
davepickinguber
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You should've seen the way she was fucking looking at me.
fuckinglookingseenshouldveshouldve-seen
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Pigs to slaughter!
pigsslaughter
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Oh fuck.
fuck
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God damn, Miles. You don't have any air conditioning back here?
conditioningmiles
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I do. It's broken.
broken
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Fucking divorce is killing me!
divorcefuckingkilling
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I'm a little behind on the bills.
behindbills
↓
57dc28e9-0744-4746-b091-c29d63d30897.gif
There's five sets of tits in here. You're gonna bring up your dead wife?
bringdeadfivesetstitswife
↓
d58e3adb-3e83-4b43-b823-172d29027d31.gif
- Ex-wife. - Whatever. Don't bring up wives.
bringwifewives
↓
0baac85e-6483-46e9-bb0d-9f85919eef37.gif
Okay. Uh...
↓
6ff30488-4174-43e5-a066-a96f78b4cd4e.gif
You guys want some hoagies? Best food in town.
bestfoodtown
↓
f3c4cdc3-7639-4348-86d0-df28aa7e4e58.gif
Huh? Little carbo-load before we get out there?
load
↓
442529b6-d878-4bd4-a785-0844e0d105ad.gif
- Uh-uh. I don't eat meat. - Of course you don't. You're perfect.
coursemeatperfect
↓
14f7f4f1-059a-4762-ba02-418aad5e3df1.gif
You hear that, other girls? Don't sit scarfing meat all the time.
girlsmeat
↓
f7563293-b448-445d-9aa2-dcce3cc1b3aa.gif
What do you eat? Fuckin' Slim Jims or something?
fuckinslim
↓
27a29a00-9ba0-44f8-b677-725d4bc62174.gif
What do you eat? Fat Jims?
↓
f60ecdf8-ed64-4bf5-8993-7cb56cacf4ca.gif
What the fuck?
fuck
↓
adef963a-669f-4a52-b2da-dc027b219db5.gif
It is so hot.
↓
ee2ef2bd-0b66-4b8d-915a-3ef3a6699925.gif
It's the good kind of hot.
↓
2b1b5d6c-3ade-4c3e-856f-888ac124b1ac.gif
It's not.
↓
db72c553-2742-4ddd-8858-d264e10c5f58.gif
This fucking sucks, dude.
fuckingfucking-suckssucks
↓
14442bde-eb39-4e13-bf76-aebf549940cf.gif
So you're not gonna replace, like, all the mechanics, right?
replace
↓
bf94d323-2181-457f-b0e9-86cef124b076.gif
Just...
↓
512d6ce9-7bb3-4c1d-a120-1169cb4b3901.gif
Just like one or--
↓
a49cf0e1-d1b8-47b1-93df-cdf0e370e181.gif
To be determined.
determined
↓
539eba00-d3c2-453f-94da-a5e0e2cb8ea8.gif
You know, I... I love cars.
carslove
↓
786e511a-97a9-42b6-8751-81d6b111c78c.gif
They're my passion.
passion
↓
8f901063-d2c5-45c3-a54a-9dbdac28b77f.gif
I feel like I'm better communicating with them
communicating
↓
71e35a00-84b7-40ca-9ab4-2b1a3c5edf4d.gif
than I am with people.
↓
e4823e0b-1032-44c2-a775-8aa43982bbae.gif
- I do most of the work-- - I'm gonna take some pictures over there.
pictures
↓
7bea82a1-1846-455b-8b5f-d97af896ad3a.gif
...here. Okay, you need help?
↓
db5d405b-50c4-41d8-9f68-84d3a84d2b15.gif
She mention anything about jobs?
jobsmention
↓
29b61eb5-f04a-45fd-9b31-01608285709e.gif
Well, just that mechanics and salespeople are fine.
↓
06784c74-8684-4eba-a0cf-7ad4d05ac6ff.gif
I don't give a fuck about them! What about management?
fuckmanagement
↓
60e0a219-faef-432b-b8c6-0169d9cd95f8.gif
The managers? They're gonna hook us up to blow job machines and...
blowhookmachines
↓
3b08e691-d7c6-46f6-a124-acc3c9669302.gif
We're fucking fired, you fat slob!
firedfuckingslob
↓
bafa7838-f392-48dd-a94f-50f1a1f6db11.gif
- Thank you. - Oh, no! Wait, Lydia!
↓
5e6b5be0-6ed7-4022-afb4-2e82b84907c8.gif
- Hold on. Let me talk to you! - No. I have to go.
↓
5177d884-0164-42fb-93d9-a030b09d7daa.gif
The fuck's going on?
fucks
↓
c7b639c6-62cf-49af-9643-39898701bc3d.gif
Did she leave? What is that?
↓
f0041642-2185-4436-a00e-49875cd52e65.gif
- Keep her there. I'm on my way. - Oh, Dave. Listen to this...
dave
↓
7e26a0a6-8eef-4a5f-9d65-5c6be588f968.gif
♪ Don't be nervous, I won't hurt it ♪
hurtnervous
↓
55d4322e-37d5-47bf-9774-8b611ef94fbf.gif
♪ If you're crazy, baby Welcome to the circus ♪
babycircuscrazywelcome
↓
b97417fa-3539-42d2-94df-9ea97bef48e4.gif
♪ The money callin' I'mma get it where it's at ♪
immamoney
↓
6348b1d4-2021-4784-80c0-e8ec5261745d.gif
♪ The dollars don't fall Put, put 'em in the stack, stack ♪
dollarsfallstack
↓
75c9197f-0430-42d6-9819-349e43b69bd6.gif
♪ Don't be nervous, I won't hurt it ♪
hurtnervous
↓
9c7855f6-88e5-4f89-a1b8-21c310917487.gif
♪ If you're crazy, baby Welcome to the circus ♪
babycircuscrazywelcome
↓
ea61c91e-75e6-47f6-a87e-1bf45799a222.gif
♪ The money callin' I'mma get it where it's at ♪
immamoney
↓
9be885d7-be4d-42d7-8099-1bc9ff8dad27.gif
♪ The dollars don't fall Put, put 'em in the stack ♪
dollarsfallstack
↓
26afe712-d5fd-4905-a23c-0a0533515b0c.gif
♪ Where you been? I'm just fillin' up arenas ♪
↓
1ea908cd-69b3-45c1-a34d-138a341dbcca.gif
♪ Keep the circle small... ♪
circle
↓
8238e620-1bc4-445c-9153-2805617f0ca0.gif
Come on! Let's wash some cars! Let's sell some tires!
carsselltireswash
↓
5064f57a-923f-4233-8cc1-c9fb2632c839.gif
♪ Coulda had this or that But didn't want either ♪
coulda
↓
478fce51-58c1-4df2-9e13-325697e6aced.gif
♪ I can do magic, not talkin'... ♪
magictalkin
↓
7caeab76-7e81-4d46-9b80-27799e7d4782.gif
- Hi! - Hello.
↓
1d6c99f4-a2ba-4027-8705-3b36f59e882e.gif
♪ I can make it happen There's money on the... ♪
happenmoney
↓
5e7e7dd3-c072-4fb6-bf4c-53c68fabccc6.gif
Your car's so dirty.
carsdirty
↓
a8168be9-7c5c-4345-9d51-8ecebac13049.gif
♪ They have in bands Like high school classes... ♪
bandsclassesschool
↓
c32201be-c73c-4620-97d1-8644dadea120.gif
This is great.
↓
759cf76f-8530-4f15-8e40-4d2178d15a2d.gif
Everyone's having fun.
everyonesfunhaving
↓
22acbcb6-cbfe-493c-8165-2121c2543cf9.gif
Customers love it.
customerslove
↓
db82d7a8-19ea-4a31-84c6-a6f4ca749ebd.gif
- You have a beautiful mind. Thank you.
mind
↓
a9f37d0a-bdb1-45f3-9948-52067b7c6c55.gif
- I go to church. Oh.
church
↓
949235e6-d55d-4d76-9bc5-0b89c7b34e35.gif
Oh yeah.
↓
b2b0859f-ea91-427d-9291-bf6597defea9.gif
All his tires are completely bare. They're fucked.
barecompletelyfuckedtires
↓
298df7a0-c17d-4317-a295-3f54d86a273a.gif
Oh, um, hey, mister?
mister
↓
04524077-eb74-447c-8198-d5fce8ede9e8.gif
Do you know that your tires are, like, so bald?
baldtires
↓
362889f1-30f0-43dc-a6e2-2e8051f69d9b.gif
Why don't you come inside with me?
↓
86de05df-be87-487c-a57b-bfcfbbb30711.gif
We've got the cheapest tires.
tires
↓
63022803-32a3-4c84-b1cc-0ff6b9d6f37f.gif
They're so cheap, and they're so thick. You're gonna love 'em!
cheaplovethick
↓
5f50ea56-f346-489c-956b-b5a1b22f10b0.gif
Damn, Reagan. Reagan's gonna make these guys pop.
reagan
↓
74549f6a-3201-4fa3-94cf-716807167248.gif
I don't know if I have time.
↓
53303c84-b598-40f3-a82a-8092fedca5fd.gif
It won't take that long, baby. You know that! Come on in!
baby
↓
e2298113-93a6-4691-931d-06249a005cd3.gif
I love you.
love
↓
00edaab1-1836-48d4-8166-0ead4e1049af.gif
I love her.
love
↓
55f1baed-e734-4ddb-8fcb-76e5077c5291.gif
Come on, big boy.
↓
57a230a4-f7d8-495b-9cf3-9629cf1ddbd9.gif
It'll only take a few minutes.
itllminutes
↓
2bdee2ee-c0eb-4dc5-8a97-166de039a2f3.gif
I won't tell your wife.
wife
↓
0e95c099-6857-4c58-a2cc-26228d427db5.gif
We're gonna feel so hot with our big, buff, strong, new tires.
buffstrongtires
↓
90a8d76c-2446-4cb4-a982-d5f6fa080851.gif
- Come on. Come on in and get some tires!
tires
↓
918fcab1-19e0-4871-87b5-f8a5ea75a111.gif
Car's all nice and wet!
cars
↓
e92e3e14-199b-4bfe-b5e9-7517fc32dfe2.gif
Okay, I'll do it!
↓
28c7cce4-26c5-4f16-9765-c917b22e6906.gif
- Okay! Come on!
↓
97bf4dc7-4224-4130-b38f-b359604313cf.gif
Let me get this windshield nice and cl--
windshield
↓
57a10a54-49c8-4271-865c-856c4a0fe878.gif
- Ooh! - Oh fuck!
fuck
↓
e9d167dc-0eaf-4885-b20e-73bbc8c03d7c.gif
- Are you okay? - Oh my God! Alexis!
↓
47421ff5-bfbe-4127-b87d-35f0d724998b.gif
What the fuck? - No!
fuck
↓
11e7cfba-7d58-46a0-b2e7-9e29a3be0172.gif
What the fuck? Fuck!
fuck
↓
5a12a089-793d-45e5-8a63-349d37ced384.gif
Oh!
↓
2839e5a4-b95b-4800-bb51-adaf0e79ee2c.gif
Is it bad?
↓
795138f6-bfa4-4c7b-92b5-f44e28dc36a1.gif
Not terrible! You're conscious! That's good!
conscious
↓
c4ea39e0-0ad7-4f2c-b75a-77970e6e129d.gif
- She's bleeding!
bleeding
↓
872ef8e7-e469-4a7d-b4e5-1f3cec74ed65.gif
- Turn off the music! It's on her phone! - Get her phone! Get her phone!
musicphone
↓
872dded2-f49b-4eea-b506-4e6c355dd0c6.gif
- All right. Turn off the music!
music
↓
e078d47d-8394-450d-9592-d95044babe7e.gif
You gotta unlock it with her face. Can you look up?
faceunlock
↓
fa5f8d83-9d08-4ffa-8244-2ba460e600d3.gif
- Hey! There she is! - Oh boy!
↓
8c1b9994-5499-4103-92e1-05216dda994a.gif
Do I need a medic or something?
medic
↓
db2f0f06-df9b-46ab-8740-99d1a650a516.gif
- Nah, you look good.
↓
a45ac478-98ea-4d97-b3f5-5ef80ec4b95c.gif
- So it's gonna be a day for the glass.
glass
↓
1b3d9d44-6e0d-4978-9102-91f1fd0064b3.gif
Obviously, it's on us.
obviously
↓
5187e6b4-1930-4550-9a29-37ca1beb42c3.gif
God dammit!
dammit
↓
5e6efb05-0bb4-46d3-9858-651dda4283a4.gif
Here we fucking go.
fucking
↓
1c689a99-d716-428b-afe5-3cd5f31989d7.gif
Let's go!
↓
1e33c56f-01c8-46ed-9616-344afa542aff.gif
I'm gonna get hit.
↓
d8cf5d5d-f612-4cb3-8d83-b5ac54614478.gif
- Sad sack of shit! There's numbers to call.
numberssack
↓
9aa8c9d4-b793-44ca-8f00-f0b8b144fd67.gif
- But she takes my phone. Fuckin' loser!
fuckinloserphonetakes
↓
36599eed-98c3-4c55-894a-472908b5e3f1.gif
She gives me a phone where I can only call my parents.
givesparentsphone
↓
35347e3e-5db5-4c60-a0f3-5a470702618f.gif
I'm really not much of a marriage counselor,
counselormarriage
↓
20cce30a-62b0-4e39-bac2-51a3c4e22027.gif
but that sounds like something you should get out of, you know?
sounds
↓
74663b13-18e9-444d-b661-d745508f4b2b.gif
Let's go!
↓
b413e55f-993c-41a2-b2ac-940c01e702ac.gif
Thanks for nothing.
thanks
↓
481e20a5-0f66-48c1-acae-1dc4d4cfa502.gif
How was your soapy little strip club? Nice, fancy mesh shorts!
clubfancymeshshortsstripstrip-club
↓
54f1d958-0acb-4ed2-b878-68f9b5b931fb.gif
I see what you were trying to do, you piece of shit! Get in the car!
piece
↓
f45e7600-c8a8-4969-b554-284d2b8b2464.gif
Get in the back seat! You do not... Absolutely not!
absolutelyseat
↓
dd7525aa-4f2c-4410-b6a5-0f0728036d33.gif
And don't even look at me!
↓
06519388-3a8c-452d-8017-e1a180ec0492.gif
You better fuckin' look at me when I'm talking to you! I swear to God!
fuckinswear
↓
7dc148df-b657-43a5-b0af-ca78b4331e7c.gif
This was not a good start! I'm fucked!
fuckedstart
↓
fba426fa-eb8f-44fa-bc41-2fc27095ee21.gif
- You're not fucked, dude. - This was a bad idea.
fuckedidea
↓
d0c74a59-180d-491c-bb63-f576c9e5e6eb.gif
This was not a bad idea, dude.
idea
↓
2cfc48d8-622c-4e58-a74c-7c98193f2bb6.gif
This was a great idea.
idea
↓
28850de9-bfbe-494f-9a53-4c8ecd1f70fa.gif
I got this, dude.
↓
1e6c8e09-8550-41ed-bc7e-4148432163e4.gif
You're not gonna be a waitress.
waitress
↓
959522ef-834b-4533-8900-488309df9266.gif
Hey, let's go! Cut the chatter. Let's take a knee.
chatterknee
↓
03ca2ea3-485d-447d-bd91-476d0c5025e0.gif
One knee!
knee
↓
9f0d84ab-81e3-4f09-aba5-5b235bfed8aa.gif
It's concrete, so go slow.
concreteslow
↓
4107e80b-524d-4322-b020-173faa57e620.gif
There we go!
↓
25e09bd7-b5d5-40e5-95e4-0abb7544abbb.gif
Look, I'm gonna be straight with you. Me and Will are fucked.
fuckedstraight
↓
6bc3306c-4c6f-4a0d-8bcd-2c301b2a1f17.gif
We thought this whole cheap tires thing was gonna save the whole shop.
cheapsaveshoptireswhole
↓
48719691-d34e-433d-98b5-f6963ed5332b.gif
It's not. We got butt-fucked. We haven't sold a fucking thing yet.
buttfuckedfuckingsold
↓
c201fbc7-88c9-4db8-be39-4c58bdf30e8f.gif
Alexis got a concussion, which probably isn't gonna help.
concussion
↓
c5f5f08c-112c-4105-81ef-91376b001e19.gif
And I'm wasted again. I don't even know how the fuck that happened.
fuckhappenedwasted
↓
52dc0bf8-5dc3-463f-b81b-f236a5044478.gif
But we need you guys... bad.
↓
336ea1a8-aa2f-4908-a662-2cdeadb21ac9.gif
You're all we've got.
↓
29b07ac0-7ee4-483c-8f7e-a9be1d787733.gif
I know we're down our star player right now,
playerstar
↓
dc3967bf-4aaf-49bb-8675-b2f1944eeb5c.gif
but if we combine all the good parts of you guys,
combineparts
↓
2a359068-8580-4253-91f0-381cf6a9010c.gif
we could get pretty much one of her.
↓
0b63aa8c-9739-4e26-b568-3d38e387ec0b.gif
Look, I'm just like you guys.
↓
2f5315b9-b3b2-44e9-b0e6-ef304e267ca5.gif
I'm in my mid-thirties. Shit's not going well.
shits
↓
83551dfb-419c-49c9-a457-7879da62c153.gif
I had the whole world in front of me,
frontwholewhole-worldworld
↓
35497d53-b8f0-4685-a74d-538f37e9eaf6.gif
and now every opportunity I have just withers and dies
diesopportunity
↓
34286632-8db0-480f-8397-916af4e691bf.gif
before I can even grab it. Just...
grab
↓
99493035-e0f0-4b01-8a62-7ec841126a8f.gif
I'm sure when you were 22,
↓
13afd091-2a27-490b-9db4-358d89c3673e.gif
you probably thought you were gonna marry some cool, hot,
coolmarry
↓
136de06c-0c79-4d39-beab-ddcc729393c5.gif
white football player.
footballfootball-playerplayerwhite
↓
48858f58-b5b5-4c13-88d4-068c94f9a151.gif
And now look at you. You're in bikinis in a garage on the ground.
garageground
↓
91e59f97-6e9f-412b-9d22-f947092eb105.gif
It's pathetic, actually.
pathetic
↓
e9d84897-e3a2-4c80-9449-7b5a112149fa.gif
I'm pathetic.
pathetic
↓
ec8cad1b-0631-45cd-ace5-600333b7b22d.gif
Maybe I shouldn't have fucked around in high school.
fuckedschool
↓
29da94ca-d747-4ce9-91f9-ddcb40bf793c.gif
Maybe I should chill on the drinking.
chilldrinking
↓
f4ed21ad-2b1a-4dc8-b9ac-d993e4666ab1.gif
Maybe the whole party's over.
partyswhole
↓
b61dbbb2-877d-4bdb-9a15-a07175905e49.gif
But fuck that.
fuck
↓
f9408dbf-3063-45b4-a5d3-cab73b70e8a6.gif
- I mean, fuck that, right?
fuck
↓
ea74f802-819d-4d92-8ac7-c9e9f32f4da9.gif
Party's not over. Maybe the party hasn't even started yet.
partypartysstarted
↓
c606c01e-f071-4f6d-b2a2-2f2644ad017a.gif
We can sit in here and sulk in the dark, or we can crawl our asses out into the sun
assescrawldark
↓
a77db75b-d015-4a3a-bdd0-6e8984f46a2c.gif
and sell some fucking tires, huh?
fuckingselltires
↓
c0b75095-b864-4ed0-b3bf-6ba6df7ba3e1.gif
We can turn this whole fucking thing around!
fuckingwholewhole-fucking
↓
939dfb19-4e44-4ba6-b3a6-aa8f6d6992c9.gif
Will's gonna go out there and save this fucking shop!
fuckingsaveshopwills
↓
67ccdd46-8610-417a-bcc3-a6ab1b871809.gif
I get to keep my job,
↓
8d2d3bcb-d09d-4a9d-854f-b6ac22dd1c12.gif
and I am gonna have a couple brewskis at work sometimes.
couplesometimes
↓
c7f9a454-ddbb-4541-b09b-48bdd31d7c28.gif
And you can't stop it!
↓
fb352cbe-e6f7-4cfa-9c97-90e30cf10648.gif
You wanna know why? Because this is the United State!
stateunited
↓
e65b33c4-25e2-4057-8fa2-0a6163dbd80c.gif
What?
↓
e7bdf6c0-93db-4c7d-a203-33e4d420efa1.gif
We're doing the tires for you, but when we took the wheels off,
tireswheels
↓
4b1469c2-e1a7-4553-8040-c26f4add28ae.gif
the one thing we noticed is the brake pads are a little low.
brakebrake-padsnoticedpads
↓
86a07f9d-1059-477c-b421-07a74eb8f5e0.gif
It's probably a good idea if we just take care of it now.
careidea
↓
d49a9369-a06c-4381-b71f-63fa6d038024.gif
- Let's do it. Okay. Okay, great.
↓
87d8ccb0-6167-4029-ab12-8b23667325c3.gif
- Thank you so much. - Thank you.
↓
ca52d9d2-ba34-43bc-b869-e9c4ede61acd.gif
- I'll get the guys started. - All right.
started
↓
c68bd1c4-3ba8-4471-8075-52eba7c8343c.gif
You got this guy to buy four tires, and I upsold him two different things!
fourtires
↓
f5e062fb-064a-4042-8637-8919075f98fa.gif
- Nice! - Yes!
↓
9d2f2e48-05bc-47aa-a268-d9370cd06cb2.gif
So...
↓
55e26d77-4330-40ba-ad84-206fd10127de.gif
Boy, was that easy, once he was buying the tires.
buyingeasytires
↓
e2d73f26-8bb6-4f70-88b4-8214adbacb28.gif
I mean, once the opportunity is there, you kinda have to take it, right?
kindaopportunity
↓
6dea5935-89c6-4130-8796-23171783da4c.gif
You gotta!
↓
0620eacd-7d7a-4ac4-b467-d7fb317a2a02.gif
If the iron is hot,
iron
↓
20c1600a-1050-4365-ac84-722c69857e65.gif
you should probably...
↓
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- Strike? - Right.
strike
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- Yeah. - 'Cause when else will you be able to?
able
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It's like this is the only time. Like, right now.
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Could be the only time.
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Amber! Amber!
amber
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- Oh my God, that's my husband. - Your husband?
husband
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- What the fuck is this? - Sir, can I help you?
fuck
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Do I look like I need help from some weird asshole?
assholeweird
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Joseph! Stop it!
joseph
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What? You left me with the kids to go to your mom's.
kidsleftmoms
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Now you're down here doing bikini stuff with this freak?
bikinifreakstuff
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Okay, stop! You don't give a shit about me unless I'm not around!
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'Cause I can't use the air fryer by myself!
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- Whose fault is that? Do you mind?
faultmind
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- The fucking kids are hungry! My fault, I guess, again.
faultfuckinghungrykids
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Dino nuggets are thawing, getting soggy!
nuggets
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6b756241-fe65-4f5f-9a94-9c0505ce8354.gif
Get a better job! Babe, please!
babe
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What was that? What'd you do?
whatd
↓
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I didn't do anything!
↓
b374fa97-d3f2-4950-a485-079ea0264164.gif
Try to fuck that guy's wife?
fuckwife
↓
8c98d64b-53c1-4c44-a994-5d378fb000f8.gif
Shane! Absolutely not! I was not trying to have sex with--
absolutelyshane
↓
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- Fuck that guy's wife. - I will... I take that back.
fuckwife
↓
81288821-1e72-4e7e-8685-9833e7763496.gif
I wasn't trying to have sex with her. Shane!
shane
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9645278e-7fc0-495c-9e19-2cdf55b2d989.gif
- I did think that there was a little-- - Freeze!
freeze
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Psych!
psych
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00acc813-963d-49d1-bab9-6e3dfc73084e.gif
- Hey, Max. What's up? Hey, guys.
↓
df2ee0fc-84f2-4a0f-8d03-cbb27922fe71.gif
I got a call about some guy trying to lure women into shipping containers.
containerslureshippingwomen
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- What? - What?
↓
16a80f02-ff94-406b-8710-366ad3dfc4ff.gif
When I get a call like that, I gotta take a look.
↓
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Yeah, you gotta check that out. That's crazy.
checkcrazy
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Unfortunately, also, and I hate to do this to you guys,
hateunfortunately
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I gotta shut you down.
↓
c8c3fb96-dccc-4107-9d54-303a58af631a.gif
You got open containers. You don't have any permit.
containersopenpermit
↓
c9426628-32d0-4090-a05d-78c19ec2b331.gif
I'm getting complaints.
complaints
↓
1906faba-b0de-4226-b3e1-9a1810075e47.gif
- You need a permit for tits? - You need a permit for everything.
permittits
↓
402ed696-3354-4a75-9f05-d30efb182f4a.gif
Sorry, forgot to take a picture of the garage door.
doorforgotgaragepicture
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Bye, everyone.
↓
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- Oh, wait! Lydia! Oh!
↓
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Stop her, Cal! - Stop her? Is that legal?
legal
↓
e2289272-bc59-48c2-aca0-8ce4cfb60fbb.gif
Cal, block the door! I can't do that!
blockdoor
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955633bb-f4df-41ff-a6fa-b66ea1ca1d37.gif
Linger! Linger by the door!
doorlinger
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Lydia, will you just hang on?
hang
↓
7da9f519-9226-4c2c-a973-f06c2fa376d5.gif
Get out of my way! - I can't. I gotta look up something.
↓
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Please do not send those photos to my father. He will lose it!
fatherlosephotossend
↓
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As well he should! Whose incredibly stupid idea was that?
ideaincrediblystupidstupid-idea
↓
e9451268-b049-46dd-b853-90471efbfc3f.gif
Mine.
↓
4a0bd1f4-bc1d-47b7-909a-6e5f0dd00bef.gif
I'm obsessed with boobs,
boobsobsessed
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and I'm a big, dumb ogre sometimes.
dumbogresometimes
↓
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Mm, I think you're more complex than people give you credit for.
complexcredit
↓
119ad48a-cb7d-47a5-87fe-27ddf750cce6.gif
- I'm not. I'm a fucking idiot. - Watch how you talk about yourself.
fuckingfucking-idiotidiotwatch
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Can see why the place is going under.
place
↓
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- Oh yeah? - Yeah!
↓
b8b53522-99c0-48e4-8ea8-088ad23b07c2.gif
Just fantastically stupid!
stupid
↓
25dd8fd7-c762-45b9-805b-0778fc1f8027.gif
What are you gonna do? Have a bikini car wash every day?
bikiniwash
↓
a1a64ef5-4555-4e31-8a37-030f7c49e27f.gif
Maybe turn the place into a brothel and change oil while your customers fuck!
changecustomersfuckplace
↓
88d61ee5-2cd9-41e4-aeb9-a1da5d8903fb.gif
Maybe I'll do that, and maybe it will be... wildly successful
successfulwildly
↓
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'cause that's kind of a good idea!
idea
↓
f229e53d-a9f2-4358-8b0e-1e82a73635d3.gif
I know you don't think it's a good idea 'cause you said it that way, but it is!
idea
↓
3c4e3778-2f9a-49ad-9267-de2fe9cad532.gif
You know a lot about success, huh?
success
↓
a52a9eff-7070-4503-b002-fc4ef45b6ee3.gif
Your little stunt successfully made us reconsider our initial offer.
initialofferreconsiderstuntsuccessfully
↓
f4997e5e-c09a-4fca-813b-6301d6f58824.gif
That little car wash was to prove that upselling off of cheap tires
cheapprovetireswash
↓
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is a good business model.
businessbusiness-modelmodel
↓
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- Which it is. - Which it is!
↓
4cd9c252-0260-4f43-aca6-94a438d3caac.gif
So you can take your initial offer
initialoffer
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and shove it up your butt!
buttshove
↓
ef132de6-0a63-4050-a693-21f82eb27196.gif
Oh!
↓
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I think I'll wait to hear that from the real man in charge.
chargereal
↓
e29cb9d3-8b0a-449a-b522-9bf84e4cff2e.gif
That's me, baby! I'm the real man in charge!
babychargereal
↓
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Will!
↓
7ea5e27f-6d37-4134-8b18-ab71ef594d00.gif
Hey, Lydia, do you wanna do me a little favor
favor
↓
6cad70e7-1565-419d-9535-251a07dd8fe7.gif
and maybe just stick to the front of the store for now?
frontstickstore
↓
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She already knows.
knows
↓
1cd86e06-7a16-4e8d-9fea-966c4c7c84b5.gif
- Fuck! - Here's... here's what's going on...
fuck
↓
3398374d-8ace-4b0b-9568-00ed320153af.gif
- Oh, "Here's what's going on"? - Here's what's going on. I'm in charge!
charge
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You're not welcome in my store! Hit the bricks, bitch!
bitchbricksstorewelcome
↓
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Your store?
store
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9f4196a8-b622-4196-9e93-c4e990812979.gif
Ha!
↓
a27bb57b-b28e-427c-af27-db0ad1f37d37.gif
While we're here, can we talk about me still workin' here after?
workin
↓
2bcf311e-1c4e-4f12-ad68-d3e0f2cb2c1a.gif
I am firing every one of you fucking blockheads day one!
firingfucking
↓
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And you? Maybe your daddy will buy an ice cream store,
creamdaddystore
↓
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and you can work there.
↓
716b68e5-dd8a-4ffe-aabc-2b146e8e6155.gif
You can spend the rest of your life
liferestspend
↓
54cd59d7-75f0-4e61-9ccb-62c96d2912c1.gif
shoveling sprinkles onto some bratty toddler's soft serve,
servesoftsprinklestoddlers
↓
933b88d9-5c84-44e9-8369-620a369a5bff.gif
you limp-dick pussy!
dicklimppussy
↓
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Uh, am I wrong? Is there something going on between us here?
↓
b9a6265e-40b9-4500-90d1-29db6b7d7965.gif
No!
↓
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- What? You didn't feel a little-- - God! Out of my way!
↓
ca4ac2cd-06f0-4f99-be65-43cdf3403686.gif
- Yep. - Would you hold on?
↓
904fc3b0-8e5a-485b-a666-44669b6ee28e.gif
It was just a heat-of-the-moment thing!
heatmoment
↓
b2307fad-8947-4d24-a4d4-cf7f4e9327b6.gif
Can't believe she left you.
believeleft
↓
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It's all right. We'll get 'em next time, bud.
↓
b788771f-5b00-4a5b-9616-da261604fb9a.gif
Hey. - I have mace!
↓
2cbc760d-718f-453f-b638-3caf590b9477.gif
Oh!
↓
8c3e44c1-ad49-4a5f-a922-b4629689f145.gif
Hi.
↓
a7a49827-0699-48fc-ba3f-d2f3611211ac.gif
Yeah. I came out here to get in my car.
↓
863d6969-cc3b-4221-b5b0-5fd37b1c7170.gif
And then I remembered
remembered
↓
4372febf-9828-4763-825f-56eceeb6be4d.gif
I don't have a car.
↓
65b3be72-b206-4769-a860-5730628a6a77.gif
I backed into a Hair Cuttery a month ago,
backedhairmonth
↓
58b0a186-8c75-4c99-a035-29aa821164a3.gif
so the state says I should ride the bus for a while.
ridestate
↓
aaee6dfb-08b2-422b-a27c-1f69bae3efc4.gif
Well,
↓
99c4a7bd-16f9-455e-8127-1447de9e0556.gif
the bus can be fun.
fun
↓
1b409cdb-2f9a-4d19-835a-df29be859db0.gif
No.
↓
f663ccd4-0304-4c4e-853a-f5c09eb6dac5.gif
You know what could be fun...
fun
↓
c9406c24-a582-4361-815f-fad2624db0f8.gif
♪ Step in the club And we're looking real neato ♪
clublookinglooking-realrealstep
↓
3ef98870-c2b4-4a68-9367-5111feeb19b9.gif
♪ I be gettin' bitches With my blue tuxedo ♪
bitchesbluegettintuxedo
↓
07412171-84d6-42c8-9507-4bc1f7407470.gif
♪ We're neato ♪
↓
af22ee04-3efa-4f06-9b38-d3e81175cd21.gif
♪ Like a giraffe in a Speedo ♪
giraffe
↓
a98eda95-a03f-4d52-8be3-9c81a6882495.gif
♪ What' s up, sonny? ♪
↓
61b16dc5-be48-4e39-8ba8-6305cb5a657f.gif
♪ ¿Qué pasa, mijo? ♪
↓
b68786b6-3361-40d8-9cdf-8c07bf36c7cf.gif
♪ Chillin' with Rihanna Out in Puerto Rico ♪
chillinpuertopuerto-ricorico
↓
e48745ee-bee2-4912-83a2-2c64dcbf89f7.gif
♪ She ate my coconut ♪
coconut
↓
3a3402ec-0f38-44ef-8a07-b1c88b1ff999.gif
- ♪ 'Cause she thought it was a seeko ♪ - ♪ Yeah, neato ♪
↓
a9c9656b-e98e-4ec2-bdd4-514e91242cf0.gif
♪ I beat up the block like Steven Seagal ♪
beatblocksteven
↓
2e76d0b7-dff1-476e-be36-f4621647e4c1.gif
♪ Pourin' four in Pellegrino Driving backwards through Reno ♪
backwardsdrivingfourreno
↓
f93b890b-50ca-4ffd-893c-728f18c235ce.gif
♪ Pointy side of Doritos Go ahead, shoot the free throw ♪
aheaddoritosfreego-aheadpointyshootsidethrow
↓
3e3affb4-07b0-4e2f-b45d-f7cb48cb989b.gif
♪ I pull up at the casino ♪
casinopull
↓
954903b0-dbe3-403b-879f-049f1d2215f9.gif
♪ Candy Cheeto steamboat ♪
candy
↓
fe33d881-fc62-462f-9e8a-8c8290914707.gif
- ♪ Desert Eagle ♪ - ♪ Desert Eagle ♪
deserteagle
↓
b94bc91e-c2dc-404e-a67c-3828cc29acd6.gif
♪ Flash the Buick Regal ♪
flash
↓
c12e2b83-db5e-46c6-958f-eb0cc995df00.gif
♪ I pull up on you people Buttercream Beetle ♪
beetlepull
↓
f5b44c85-b9f1-4a84-9879-69bfb83a3acb.gif
♪ Neato, neato, neat, neat, neato ♪
neat
↓
0e881925-a817-450b-a79d-3257b1954113.gif
♪ We're neato, we're neato Look, Mom, we're neato ♪
↓
348fc145-b46f-434c-af92-083f492de018.gif
♪ Neato, neato ♪
↓
f0414f63-55be-480b-8fac-74efef82e121.gif
♪ Look, kids, we're neato ♪
kids
↓
bb237ec9-45ed-4007-9ee8-c8dcb0c38778.gif
♪ We're really neato ♪
↓
b0230129-6490-431a-b22a-6f9708ffa0a7.gif
♪ Neato ♪