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Home » The Hawk » S01E07 — Vegas

The Hawk

Season 1, Episode 7 — Vegas

TMDB episode metadata

Show: The Hawk

Episode title: Vegas

Air date: July 16, 2026

Director: Jonathan Watson

Top billed cast: Will Ferrell, Molly Shannon, Jimmy Tatro, Fortune Feimster

With $3 million on the line, father and son go head-to-head in a simulation golf tournament in Vegas — and all bets are off.

Source: TMDB

↓

♪ Let's spin the wheel Let's feed the slots ♪

feed slots spin wheel

↓

♪ Let's bet it all on what we've got ♪

↓

♪ Oh, let's ignore… ♪

ignore

↓

I'll be in the car here, behind the hotel with a change of clothes.

behind change clothes hotel

↓

Check. Change of clothes. Smart.

change check clothes smart

↓

You'll enter here, through the service entrance like you're starting your shift.

enter entrance service shift starting

↓

- Genius. - You get in the elevator…

elevator genius

↓

- You drew us in an elevator? - So?

drew elevator

↓

With music? I'm the fat one?

music

↓

- I have cankles. - No, that's just for contrast.

↓

- Kick-ass drawing. - Thank you. Sorry I didn't bring my oils.

bring drawing kick

↓

Moving on.

moving

↓

You kick down the door, take control, get the cash, get out.

cash control door kick

↓

- That's fucking perfect. - Come on.

fucking perfect

↓

Earl, are you hearing this shit?

earl hearing

↓

Yeah. I colored it.

colored

↓

Why am I fatter in this picture?

fatter picture

↓

'Cause there's more stress in this situation.

situation stress

↓

- ♪ They call him the Hawk! ♪ - ♪ Hawk! ♪

hawk

↓

♪ He's a golfer ♪

golfer

↓

♪ The greatest golfer in the world! ♪

golfer greatest world

↓

- Mr. Hawkins. - Yeah.

hawkins

↓

- Dirk Ketchum, TGL. - Oh, right. Hey.

↓

Thank you so much again for doing this at the last second.

second

↓

- Sure. - You're gonna love the experience.

experience love

↓

- Did my son get in? - He got in last night.

night

↓

Whoa! What the hell is that?

whoa

↓

Oh, that is a 1957 Isetta.

↓

If you win the tournament, you can drive it home.

drive home tournament

↓

- Can I get inside? - You know, uh… Yeah, why not?

↓

- Yeah. - Go for it.

↓

- Look at that. - Yeah.

↓

- Wait, how do you get inside? - Uh…

↓

Allow me, sir.

allow

↓

No way!

↓

- Yeah. - Did you know it opened like that?

opened

↓

I did, actually. Yeah. That's kinda what makes it special.

kinda makes special

↓

Here we go.

↓

Oh my God. I feel like I'm in The Jetsons.

↓

♪ I'm driving to my job At H&R Block ♪

block driving

↓

♪ And I love math… ♪

love math

↓

Uh, Lonnie? We gotta go.

lonnie

↓

I get a watch with the car too?

watch

↓

Yeah, we gotta…

↓

Oh, we gotta… Oh, okay.

↓

We gotta… Okay.

↓

Um…

↓

How does it…

↓

- Uh, just one second, sir. - What's happening?

second

↓

- It's not opening. - What's wrong? Hey, I'm stuck!

opening stuck

↓

Break a window or something!

break window

↓

Get me oxygen! I'm stuck in here!

oxygen stuck

↓

I'm an American citizen, goddamn it!

american citizen goddamn goddamn-it

↓

You see that Thunder Down Under show is on here?

thunder

↓

That'd be hilarious if we went to that.

hilarious thatd

↓

What?

↓

I don't want to die!

↓

I'm still alive!

alive

↓

Quick win, and then back to the jet.

quick

↓

- Yep. - Wait, hold up.

↓

- I have arachnophobia! - Yo, is that your pops? What's he doing?

pops

↓

Oh, this is gonna be so good.

↓

Hell yeah. Easy three mil, baby.

baby easy three

↓

Ignore him. Ignore him.

ignore

↓

Lance? Lance! There's my son!

lance

↓

Jaws of life, Lance! Get the jaws of life!

jaws lance life

↓

- Oh my God. - There you go.

↓

Are you okay?

↓

Yeah, I'm okay. Why would you ask if I'm okay?

↓

Of course I'm okay. It's really comfortable in there.

comfortable course

↓

Super roomy, yeah.

super

↓

What a fun day. You guys ready for some video golf?

fun golf ready video

↓

Yeah, all right!

↓

Lonnie, we have your credentials here.

lonnie

↓

Could you give me like five minutes?

five five-minutes minutes

↓

- Right now? - Grab me an iced tea? I just…

grab iced

↓

- Ahh! Ooh! - Oh, Jesus!

jesus

↓

Are you okay?

↓

- Yeah. - Do you need a doctor?

doctor

↓

- Yeah, I'm okay. Why do you keep asking? - You got your hand slammed…

asking hand slammed

↓

Is that what happened? I didn't even notice.

happened notice

↓

Hi, there, and welcome to fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada and TGL.

fabulous vegas welcome

↓

I am Matt Barrie. What a match we have in store for you tonight.

match matt store tonight

↓

For that, we go down to the turf and Roger Steele.

roger turf

↓

Hey, Lance.

lance

↓

How cool is this, huh? Isn't this crazy?

cool crazy

↓

What'd you do to your hand now?

hand whatd

↓

Is that a PAW Patrol Band-Aid?

band patrol

↓

Yeah, it's a PAW Patrol Band-Aid.

band patrol

↓

- Never mind. I don't want to know. - I smashed it in that crazy car out there.

crazy mind smashed

↓

Yeah, is that your excuse?

excuse

↓

Why would I need an excuse?

excuse

↓

Just wait.

↓

God, these lasers. It's… It's like it's my bar mitzvah.

lasers

↓

We're not supposed to talk, supposed to just walk through.

supposed walk

↓

I've always wanted a bar mitzvah.

wanted

↓

Two titans of the sport! Two men who know each other well!

sport

↓

Fresh off his win at the Phoenix Open, Lance Hawkins!

fresh hawkins lance open

↓

And playing against Lance, he's a golf legend,

golf lance legend playing

↓

three-time major winner, Lonnie "The Hawk" Hawkins!

hawk hawkins lonnie major three winner

↓

Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!

hawk

↓

One-man teams today, head-to-head.

head teams today

↓

The winner is going home with three million dollars.

dollars home million million-dollars three winner

↓

The loser goes home with nothing.

home loser

↓

Are you ready to play some TGL golf?

golf ready

↓

Look, I'm ready.

ready

↓

I don't know about this old dinosaur over here.

dinosaur

↓

Ouch! Coming in hot. Lonnie?

coming lonnie ouch

↓

Well, this old dinosaur might turn out to be a velociraptor.

dinosaur might

↓

And you know what they say about velociraptors.

↓

They can't hold a golf club,

club golf

↓

but they sure as hell can rip your dick off.

dick

↓

When we come back, the first tee!

↓

Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!

hawk

↓

That was great, calling me a dinosaur.

calling dinosaur

↓

You really got the crowd going.

crowd

↓

I'm not fucking around, Dad.

fucking

↓

Son, never play golf angry. It'll hurt your game.

angry game golf hurt itll

↓

Let's have some fun.

fun

↓

I'll play however I want to play.

↓

All right?

↓

You're done.

↓

Prepare to be humiliated.

humiliated prepare

↓

Okay, that's not fun.

fun

↓

Can't spell "fun" without "F-U."

fun spell

↓

True.

↓

My goodness, what a start for Lance Hawkins.

goodness hawkins lance start

↓

He just ripped a drive 320 yards down the center of the fairway.

center drive ripped yards

↓

Good shot.

shot

↓

Big question now, what does Dad have in the tank?

question tank

↓

Get in the hole!

hole

↓

425, that's how it's done.

↓

What?

↓

225? What the fuck?

fuck

↓

Who's running the technology? China?

china running technology

↓

- Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! - Huh? Who's running the tech?

hawk running tech

↓

That's more like it.

↓

- Hawk. Hawk. Hawk. Hawk. - Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!

hawk

↓

Hawk.

hawk

↓

It's your standard boilerplate rev-share agreement.

agreement share standard

↓

I think you'll find the terms very favorable.

terms

↓

It's good, Stacy. I want in. I want a piece of Teed Off.

piece stacy

↓

Right. What makes you think I'd be interested in getting involved with you?

interested involved makes

↓

It's a great product, all right?

product

↓

It's just been mismanaged.

↓

We did some testing. Lance is not connecting

connecting lance testing

↓

as the face of your product.

face product

↓

His scores were very low.

scores

↓

Very low.

↓

Women 18 to 34 described him as "low energy,

described energy women

↓

boring, non-fuckable."

boring

↓

Oh, shit.

↓

He just doesn't give off the fun, carefree lifestyle you get with a Golden Fisk.

fun golden lifestyle

↓

And what about Mike's Hard Lemonade?

hard lemonade mikes

↓

- We have that covered. - Look, I love Mike's.

covered love mikes

↓

Mike's has been very good to me.

mikes

↓

But I know that there's a path forward that might make everyone happy.

forward happy might path

↓

I mean, of course, I'm interested.

course interested

↓

But it is a little complicated because we're talking about my own son.

complicated

↓

I can't just toss him aside.

aside toss

↓

I'll tell you what Golden Senior told me.

golden senior

↓

You get one shot at hitting the big time.

hitting shot

↓

And that's it. Think about it.

↓

Golden Fisk

golden

↓

and Teed Off.

↓

It's just good business.

business

↓

Ow!

↓

Even though he seems to be in some sort of pain,

pain seems

↓

Lonnie Hawkins has managed to turn this game around.

game hawkins lonnie managed

↓

Just swing as hard as you can, come on.

hard swing

↓

Come on, Lance. Come on, Lance.

lance

↓

Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!

hawk

↓

Come on.

↓

No, no, no, no…

↓

God… damn it!

↓

I've gotta tell you, I've seen some things in TGL before after nine holes,

holes nine seen

↓

but this is absolutely unbelievable.

absolutely unbelievable

↓

Lonnie Hawkins has a commanding lead over his son, Lance,

hawkins lance lead lonnie

↓

who seems to have imploded and has 170 yards to the pin.

seems yards

↓

Loosen up, kid. You're playing angry.

angry loosen playing

↓

- Remember, it's a game. - Not to me, asshole.

asshole game remember

↓

Did I kill your dog or something?

kill

↓

Hey. Just play, okay?

↓

Just shut the fuck up and play.

fuck

↓

Ooh! Felt good.

↓

Except for my hand.

except hand

↓

- ♪ Ah, bang, bang ♪ - Whoo!

bang whoo

↓

Video golf. I always loved video golf.

golf loved video

↓

♪ Ah, bang, bang ♪

bang

↓

Agh, I hate video golf. I've always said it's not real golf.

golf hate real video

↓

And… it's in the lava.

lava

↓

Why is there lava?

lava

↓

Of course I'm good at this. I was good at Centipede!

course

↓

- ♪ Ah, bang, bang ♪ - ♪ Girl, if you like what you see ♪

bang girl

↓

♪ And you want to be with me ♪

↓

♪ Baby, shoot me With your love gun ♪

baby love shoot

↓

You want, like, a protein bar or something?

protein

↓

Just… Just… Just shut up.

↓

Just… Just play.

↓

Do you have one?

↓

Agh! I hate this game. I hate everyone who plays it.

game hate plays

↓

♪ …on the trigger When you pull it back, I'll figure ♪

figure pull trigger

↓

♪ That now you're ready for the fire ♪

fire ready

↓

♪ Fire ♪

fire

↓

That's how it's done.

↓

Ah!

↓

Ooh…

↓

♪ Gimme a shot ♪

shot

↓

♪ Of your love gun ♪

love

↓

♪ Fire me up, girl ♪

fire girl

↓

♪ And we'll have big fun ♪

fun

↓

♪ Gimme a shot… ♪

shot

↓

This is really unbelievable.

unbelievable

↓

Lonnie Hawkins, the blast from the past, the Hawk, whatever you want to call him,

blast hawk hawkins lonnie past

↓

has come here to Las Vegas, and he has won the three-million-dollar Vegas challenge.

challenge dollar million three vegas

↓

Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!

hawk

↓

What a fucking asshole.

asshole fucking fucking-asshole

↓

Christine, you're being very immature.

immature

↓

Yeah, my man! How'd you do?

howd

↓

I don't want to talk about it, Jerry.

jerry

↓

All right.

↓

Ordered some salmon for you.

ordered salmon

↓

It's broiled.

↓

You kicked his ass, though, right? Whoa, okay.

kicked whoa

↓

All right. You want me to order up some brewskis and celebrate a little bit?

celebrate order

↓

I may need to dip into the Jerry fund again.

fund jerry

↓

Just got myself into a bit of a bind with some people, you know?

↓

My son should be happy to have me as a dad.

happy

↓

I'm a professional golfer. Probably the best in the world.

best golfer professional world

↓

- Yeah? - I own my own bus outright.

↓

- Oh. - I don't get it.

↓

My son yells at me all the time. "Stop going to the club!"

club yells

↓

I like T&A as much as the next guy.

↓

I should go talk to him.

↓

You should go to the doctor.

doctor

↓

And you should go to the club.

club

↓

Oh, hey, Lonnie, not a great time. We're in debrief mode right now--

lonnie mode

↓

Fuck off, Jerry.

fuck jerry

↓

Hey, what's your deal?

deal

↓

Leave me alone, Dad.

alone

↓

Come on, Lance. You played like shit.

lance played

↓

You're way better than that. What's going on?

↓

- You want to know what's going on? - I do.

↓

You really want to know what's going on? That!

↓

- What's that? - Yeah, of course.

course

↓

- You don't even remember. - What are you talking about?

remember

↓

- When I was five… - Yeah?

five

↓

I built a Lego golf course, and I worked really, really hard on it.

built course golf golf-course hard worked

↓

And then you came home one day, and you smashed it to pieces.

home pieces smashed

↓

- What? - Dick.

dick

↓

- You didn't have any Legos. - Yeah, I did.

↓

I wasn't about to buy my own son a bunch of Legos.

bunch

↓

I didn't want you to grow up to be half a fag.

grow half

↓

- Whoa. - Keep in mind, this is the early 2000s.

early mind whoa

↓

Homosexuality was a… was a new thing.

homosexuality

↓

- We knew very little about it. - I don't know…

↓

But then scientists and professors and makeup artists got together.

artists makeup scientists

↓

- And we figured it all out. - What?

figured

↓

And here's the good news, and this goes for you especially, Jerry.

especially jerry news

↓

It's okay to be a homosexual.

homosexual

↓

I would not care if you were in love with another man, Jerry.

another care jerry love

↓

- I'd celebrate it. - That's not what's going on here.

celebrate

↓

Is there a point here?

point

↓

You didn't have any Legos.

↓

Then what is this?

↓

Well, it looks like Groot.

↓

Yeah, you broke it.

broke

↓

- I broke Groot when you were 5 years old? - Yep!

broke years

↓

Guardians of the Galaxy wasn't in theaters till 2014.

galaxy theaters till

↓

Well…

↓

Give me that.

↓

Look, I'm telling you.

telling

↓

I wouldn't have messed with your Groot. It's just not something I would do.

messed

↓

That's not your Lego.

↓

- So she just lied to me? - Who lied?

lied

↓

Why would she lie?

↓

Oh.

↓

She just made that whole thing up?

whole

↓

Son, I probably should have told you this more when you were a kid,

↓

but it's not really something dads are real good at.

dads real

↓

But, uh… I'll give it a go here.

↓

I want you to know…

↓

your mother's a world-class bitch.

bitch class mothers world

↓

She loves you to death, but she'll try anything to get me to eat shit.

death loves shell

↓

- I played mad today. - Yeah, you did.

played today

↓

Hey, guys, I'm gonna hop in here real quick.

quick real real-quick

↓

Lancey, it's getting pretty deep. Why don't we get our sport psychologist?

deep psychologist sport

↓

He'd want to be a part of all this.

part

↓

- Dude, shut the fuck up. - Eat shit, Jerry.

fuck jerry

↓

- Yup, yup. - God!

↓

Son, you're a ball of stress right now.

ball stress

↓

Sometimes you need to step away and blow off some steam.

blow sometimes steam step

↓

You told me to bottle up my steam and use it as fuel and run on those fumes!

bottle fuel fumes steam

↓

Okay. Look, we're in Vegas!

vegas

↓

Come on. Let's go have a dinner. Have a little fun.

dinner fun

↓

What about your hand?

hand

↓

What about my hand? I think I broke it.

broke hand

↓

- I think I broke it. - Did you wrap that yourself?

broke wrap

↓

- Looks like it's getting worse. - I did. Look at that.

worse

↓

- Yeah. - It's pretty good. I'm really proud of it.

proud

↓

I think you should see a doctor.

doctor

↓

What's a doctor gonna do? Come on. I don't wanna listen to some guy

doctor

↓

tell me about his speedboat, pump me full of Tylenol.

full pump tylenol

↓

Don't take Tylenol, right?

tylenol

↓

The important thing right now is that I want to have a steak dinner with my son.

dinner steak

↓

I guess I could eat.

↓

- You got to eat, right, Jerry? - I mean--

jerry

↓

- Shut the fuck up, Jerry! - You just asked me.

asked fuck jerry

↓

- Fuck it, why not? - Yeah, fuck it!

fuck

↓

Jerry, take care of those funds I asked about.

asked care funds jerry

↓

- Jerry. - Hey…

jerry

↓

Eat shit!

↓

- Nah, I… - Yeah!

↓

Better than advertised, huh?

↓

Not bad.

↓

Gosh. This used to be me and Old Henry's favorite place.

favorite gosh place used

↓

- The Amber Ox, really? - Yeah.

amber

↓

Okay, here we go.

↓

The greatest show in Vegas!

greatest vegas

↓

Liberace, eat your own butthole out.

butthole

↓

What?

↓

I'm from the early 2000s, so…

early

↓

Mr. Hawkins, a pleasure as always. What are we thinking for tonight?

hawkins pleasure thinking tonight

↓

Uh, I think we're gonna start with a Caesar salad, then two prime ribs.

caesar prime ribs salad start

↓

- I was actually gonna do the branzino… - Diamond cut, medium rare.

diamond medium rare

↓

Uh, maybe some thrice-baked potatoes, fries, mushrooms.

baked fries mushrooms potatoes

↓

- That's probably good. - Oh, oh! Onion rings.

onion rings

↓

- Maybe a little au jus. - I don't need any of that.

↓

- Let's get some Crab Louie. - That's good.

crab louie

↓

Shrimp cocktail. Couple orders of creamed spinach.

cocktail couple creamed orders shrimp spinach

↓

- A couple? - Yeah. I wanna take some home.

couple home

↓

A lava cake. Finish with a lava cake.

cake finish lava

↓

Clarence, do me a favor, if you could cut my meat.

clarence favor meat

↓

Oh…

↓

No, don't give me that look. That's not a euphemism.

↓

No. Broke my hand on a one-armed bandit.

armed bandit broke hand

↓

Of course, sir. Of course.

course

↓

- Thank you so much. - Yeah…

↓

Fun, right?

fun

↓

Still can't believe you beat me with a broken hand.

beat believe broken hand

↓

Well, you were mad. You can't play mad.

↓

Listen, I know you don't drink a lot, but let's get a bottle of wine.

bottle drink wine

↓

Right?

↓

Something to go with the meat. Something savory.

meat savory

↓

- Yeah, I could do a red. - There we go. Okay.

↓

I like that. I never do red. Hey.

↓

We would love one of your finest…

finest love

↓

No. No, no, not your finest.

finest

↓

No, one of the finest.

finest

↓

Okay, yeah, one of your finest Pinot Noirs from the Willamette Valley.

finest noirs valley

↓

Beautiful. Thank you.

↓

So…

↓

how is… mmm…

↓

Denise?

denise

↓

- Denise? - The lady.

denise lady

↓

The woman you're engaged to. The girl.

engaged girl woman

↓

- Natalie. - Fuck! Natalie.

fuck

↓

We broke up. Remember? You were there.

broke remember

↓

- Natalie. - Remember she screamed at me?

remember screamed

↓

- Yeah. - In front of everyone.

front

↓

- Boy, did she ever. - Yeah, it was all over SportsCenter.

↓

Yeah, I'm sorry.

↓

I'm sorry.

↓

By the way, I won three million dollars and a tiny car with a broken hand.

broken dollars hand million million-dollars three tiny

↓

Oh, great. Thank you for the reminder.

reminder

↓

You're a Hawkins, son. Hey, you're gonna have to be better than me to beat me.

beat hawkins

↓

- You're not counting today, are you? - I'm counting today.

counting today

↓

It's not real golf. It's video game golf.

game golf real video video-game

↓

- Oh, okay. - Yeah. Yeah, you said so yourself.

↓

By the way… it's not fucking real golf.

fucking golf real

↓

Well, listen.

↓

I know you're going through some shit.

↓

I just want you to know, golf at this level,

golf level

↓

it can fuck with your mind.

fuck mind

↓

You got to remember, just block it out.

block remember

↓

Block it out. Yeah.

block

↓

Okay?

↓

No, I have…

↓

my own ways of… dealing with stress.

dealing stress ways

↓

Oh, yeah, okay.

↓

Yeah, there's a lot of ways to deal with stress.

deal stress ways

↓

Where's that wine at?

wine

↓

What?

↓

Is this thing even street-legal?

legal street

↓

Of course it is.

course

↓

Get in. I'll give you a lift back to the hotel. Be careful. She bites.

bites careful hotel lift

↓

No. No. I'll take a Lyft.

↓

All right. Don't make it a late night. All right, son?

late late-night night

↓

Yes, sir.

↓

All right. Well, I had fun. I don't know about you.

fun

↓

I told you, that was fun, that it was gonna be fun.

fun

↓

Hey, maybe in the morning we grab breakfast before I got to take off.

breakfast grab morning

↓

I'm down. I'll be right behind you.

behind

↓

Okay. See you, son.

↓

- Hey. - Oh. Hey, Lonnie. Um…

lonnie

↓

- Lance isn't in right now, so… - Oh.

lance

↓

We were gonna grab breakfast before I had to take off.

breakfast grab

↓

Oh! Well, he's not here, so…

↓

Hey, well, hold on. Do you know where he went?

↓

- Who, Lance? - Yeah.

lance

↓

Yeah, yeah, no. He said, uh… He just went out to get some, uh, twine.

↓

Come again?

↓

- Yeah, it's like, ball of twine, I think? - Are you saying "twine"?

ball

↓

- A ball of twine? - Yeah, twine. I don't know if he's fixing…

ball fixing

↓

What's fucking wrong with you, Jerry?

fucking jerry

↓

- What's going on? - Wait!

↓

- Whoa. - I didn't do it.

whoa

↓

- I didn't see… - Where… Where's Lance, Jerry?

jerry lance

↓

- I don't know. - What do you mean, you don't know?

↓

Here's the thing. We were here, and some guys came up, and then more guys,

↓

and then some women, and then this place was full, and I was like,

full place women

↓

"Lance, we gotta shut this down!" He's like, "Shut the fuck up, Jerry!"

fuck jerry lance

↓

I was like, "Okay," but I turned around and he was gone, and I can't find him.

gone turned

↓

And I know it's my responsibility, and I looked everywhere.

looked responsibility

↓

I looked in the casino, I looked in the bar, and I can't…

casino looked

↓

- Mr. Hawkins, he's just gone. I can't-- - Just slow down. Slow down, Jerry.

gone hawkins jerry slow

↓

Slow down.

slow

↓

I just…

↓

- I think he's in trouble. - Trouble?

trouble

↓

Yeah. He owes a lot of money to some bad people.

money owes

↓

Like, a lot of money. And don't tell him I said that, okay? I…

money

↓

Hey!

↓

Have you seen my son?

seen

↓

Why? Have you seen mine?

seen

↓

- Is the melon not ripe enough, dear? - Sorry, what's that?

dear melon ripe

↓

The melon. You haven't touched your melon.

melon touched

↓

- Oh, I had a bite of biscuit. - Hmm.

biscuit bite

↓

Well, I thought the honeydew was very sweet.

sweet

↓

You know when you cut open a honeydew sometimes,

open sometimes

↓

and the flesh doesn't seem quite ripe?

flesh ripe

↓

Well, it's what I imagine--

imagine

↓

What?

↓

Hey, Stacy, how you doing?

stacy

↓

- What do you want? - Oh, I'm good, thank you.

↓

Uh, I broke my hand.

broke hand

↓

- No biggie. But I won the tournament. - Uh-huh.

biggie tournament

↓

I'm in Vegas.

vegas

↓

Remember all the good times we had in Vegas?

remember times vegas

↓

Céline Dion.

dion

↓

Gallagher.

↓

- But, uh, where are you? - What the fuck do you want, Lonnie?

fuck lonnie

↓

I can't find Lance!

lance

↓

I can't find him.

↓

What?

↓

He's for sure dead.

dead

↓

He's just a cold corpse out there somewhere on the 15.

cold corpse

↓

Also, your son has a substance abuse problem.

abuse problem substance

↓

If he is indeed still alive. I don't know, I don't know!

alive indeed

↓

Okay, listen to me. I'll be there in five hours.

five five-hours hours

↓

Lonnie, I swear to God, if this is bullshit,

bullshit lonnie swear

↓

I'm gonna cut your nuts off and feed them to the dogs.

dogs feed nuts

↓

Do you hear me?

↓

I do. As you should.

↓

And I will cut my nuts off for you.

nuts

↓

Thank you. So good to hear your--

↓

We're going to Vegas.

vegas

↓

Oh! Sin City, here we come!

city

↓

So, how was your flight?

flight

↓

Radford, didn't you tell me you know the man who owns the Sapphire Palm?

owns palm radford

↓

My hand? It's probably broken.

broken hand

↓

It's a real estate trust, dear. But I do know the CEO.

dear estate real real-estate trust

↓

- Lonnie, this car's cute as a bug. - It's a funny story.

cars cute funny funny-story lonnie story

↓

Think you can get ahold of that CEO and ask if we can look at security footage?

ahold footage security

↓

- Not funny "ha ha." - Gooby Dunbar? Of course.

course funny

↓

Funny interesting.

funny interesting

↓

We went to Vanderbilt, so Gooby will do anything for me.

↓

This hurt like a Mother of Guadalupe.

hurt mother

↓

I self-diagnosed it. I shook it.

diagnosed self shook

↓

I shook my hand next to my ear. I didn't hear any broken bones.

bones broken hand shook

↓

- Due to the baggage, I can't get my phone. - I did my own dressing on this.

baggage dressing phone

↓

Lonnie, nobody wants to hear about this now.

lonnie nobody nobody-wants wants

↓

Look at that. Can you tell a doctor didn't do that?

doctor

↓

Okay, what are we looking for?

looking

↓

Yeah, that kid. Where's he going?

↓

This won't be very hard.

hard

↓

Lance…

lance

↓

Oh my God, Lance. What are you doing?

lance

↓

- Looks like he's with a bunch of hookers. - They could be cheerleaders.

bunch cheerleaders hookers

↓

This is a nightmare.

nightmare

↓

He knows how to fight. Just like his dad.

fight knows

↓

Oh my God. Oh my God.

↓

Ow! Get him back!

↓

Probably said something to one of the prostitutes. Don't ya think?

prostitutes

↓

Boom! Yeah.

boom

↓

This is hard to watch.

hard watch

↓

I could watch these monitors for hours.

hours monitors watch

↓

This is like a great mystery.

mystery

↓

What is he doing? What? Where is he going?

↓

Do you know the name of that valet?

name valet

↓

Oh, sure. I remember him. Uh, the golfer.

golfer remember

↓

- Yeah. - Well, where'd he go?

whered

↓

Well, he was looking for a high-stakes game.

game looking stakes

↓

- And? - I told him about some action downtown.

action downtown

↓

- Uh, where? - Yeah.

↓

That's gonna cost you.

cost

↓

Listen. How about I rip your dick off as a souvenir instead?

dick souvenir

↓

Yeah, she will do that. She loves tchotchkes, little collectibles.

loves

↓

She'll take your cock and balls and probably put them in a little Lucite case.

balls case cock shell

↓

She'll probably do special lighting.

lighting shell special

↓

It's true. The woman's a natural-born collector.

born natural womans

↓

The game's at the Desmond Hotel. Room 706.

desmond games hotel room

↓

When you get to the door, say, "What's up, fuckface?"

door fuckface

↓

"What's up, fuckface?" Yeah, okay.

fuckface

↓

- We gotta go. - Thank you.

↓

♪ Iced-out, two chains Gold, but no titty, boy ♪

chains gold iced titty

↓

♪ Northside of that motherfuckin' Arch We from the City, boy ♪

arch city

↓

All in.

↓

No, come on.

↓

You don't like it? Fold.

fold

↓

This fucking guy…

fucking

↓

750 to you.

↓

Zev, give me another 300K.

another

↓

Eh… you're in pretty deep, kid.

deep

↓

So what? Come on. I got Pebble Beach coming up.

beach coming pebble

↓

Top ten finish guaranteed. Come on, Zev.

finish guaranteed

↓

You know I'm good for it. Come on. We're holding up the game.

game holding

↓

Hey, I win this hand…

hand

↓

Cirque du Soleil on me. That shit's fucking crazy.

crazy fucking fucking-crazy shits

↓

You seen that? They go…

seen

↓

There we are.

↓

Thank you, chip lady.

chip lady

↓

Call.

↓

Boom! You got nothing, dude.

boom

↓

You're going all in with a king and a queen?

king queen

↓

Triple aces, baby!

aces baby triple

↓

Mm! Mm! Mm!

↓

I got the straight.

straight

↓

What?

↓

No, you don't. No.

↓

No…

↓

- 706! - Okay. Okay. Listen up.

↓

Let's just be calm, reasonable.

calm reasonable

↓

Nobody lose their shit. I got it.

lose nobody

↓

Okay.

↓

Yeah?

↓

What's up, fuckface?

fuckface

↓

The fuck you say?

fuck

↓

I knew it! That little prick!

prick

↓

Lance?

lance

↓

Mom?

↓

- Dad? - Oh! Tony Hawk?

hawk tony

↓

- No. - You're Tony Hawk!

hawk tony

↓

- I'm not. - Yes, you are!

↓

- No. - You can't bullshit me.

bullshit

↓

Come on. I'm Lonnie "The Hawk" Hawkins.

hawk hawkins lonnie

↓

See? "Hawk!"

hawk

↓

I'm the Tony Hawk of golf.

golf hawk tony

↓

I mean, we are spiritually intertwined. I know what an ollie is.

ollie

↓

Look, man.

↓

Tony Hawk has a whole skateboard empire to run, so I wouldn't--

empire hawk skateboard tony whole

↓

he wouldn't be in Vegas.

vegas

↓

But…

↓

At an illegal poker game.

game illegal poker

↓

I don't follow.

follow

↓

Yes! Oh, I got ya.

↓

Okay. I got ya.

↓

What the fuck is going on?

fuck

↓

Well, good morning, first of all. Everything's cool. I'm a PGA Tour player.

cool everythings morning player tour

↓

- You're all in very safe hands. - Let's go, honey. We're leaving.

hands honey leaving safe

↓

- Mom-- - Let's go!

↓

- Nobody's going anywhere! - Whoa…

nobodys whoa

↓

There's a financial situation that needs to be resolved.

financial needs resolved situation

↓

It's a matter of about 1.8 million dollars.

dollars matter million million-dollars

↓

- Give or take a couple thousand. - Zev, come on, man.

couple thousand

↓

When it comes to honoring one's debts, I take that very seriously.

comes debts ones

↓

Stop! Look, uh, I've got the money.

money

↓

I'll… uh… uh, I'll pay it.

↓

Okay? That is a guarantee from Lonnie Hawkins.

guarantee hawkins lonnie

↓

That is a promise.

promise

↓

He can definitely pay you, okay? He's an amazing golfer.

amazing golfer

↓

Yeah. Wait, do you really feel that way?

↓

I know that I am, but I've never heard you express that.

express heard

↓

Mom! Dad! I don't want your money, okay?

money

↓

I have this situation under control. Like, does it look like I need help?

control situation

↓

Just pay the man!

↓

Someone better get me my money or I'm blowing his hand right the fuck off.

blowing fuck hand money

↓

Okay, nobody fucking move!

fucking nobody

↓

Put your watches and your wallets on the table!

table wallets watches

↓

Oh, shit!

↓

- Oh, dear. - Everybody's got guns.

dear everybodys guns

↓

What the fuck? Is that Tony Hawk?

fuck hawk tony

↓

No!

↓

Sam?

↓

Lonnie?

lonnie

↓

♪ I've got a tiger by the tail It's plain to see ♪

plain tail tiger

↓

♪ I won't be much When you get through with me ♪

↓

♪ Well, I'm a-losing weight And a-turning mighty pale ♪

losing mighty pale turning weight

↓

♪ Looks like I've got a tiger by the tail ♪

tail tiger

↓

♪ Well, I thought the day I met you You were meek as a lamb ♪

lamb meek

↓

♪ Just the kind That fit my dreams and plans ♪

dreams plans

↓

♪ Now, the pace we're living Takes the wind from my sails ♪

living pace takes wind

↓

♪ And it looks like I've got a tiger by the tail ♪

tail tiger

↓

♪ I've got a tiger by the tail It's plain to see ♪

plain tail tiger

↓

♪ I won't be much When you get through with me ♪

↓

♪ Well, I'm a-losing weight And a-turning mighty pale ♪

losing mighty pale turning weight

↓

♪ Looks like I've got a tiger by the tail ♪

tail tiger

↓

♪ I've got a tiger by the tail It's plain to see ♪

plain tail tiger

↓

♪ I won't be much When you get through with me ♪

↓

♪ Well, I'm a-losing weight And a-turning mighty pale ♪

losing mighty pale turning weight

↓

♪ Looks like I've got a tiger by the tail ♪

tail tiger