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Home » The Hawk » S01E04 — Tears of a Hero

The Hawk

Season 1, Episode 4 — Tears of a Hero

TMDB episode metadata

Show: The Hawk

Episode title: Tears of a Hero

Air date: July 16, 2026

Director: Chris Henchy

Top billed cast: Will Ferrell, Molly Shannon, Jimmy Tatro, Fortune Feimster

Lonnie's triumphant return to the PGA Tour is dampened by a Danish rival. Lance and Natalie host an engagement party to remember.

Source: TMDB

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Maybe the greatest choke in golf history.

choke golf greatest history

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Lonnie Hawkins, on the verge of a career Grand Slam,

career grand hawkins lonnie slam verge

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misses a three-foot putt, losing to Golden Fisk

foot golden losing misses putt three

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and was sent off to relative obscurity.

relative sent

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Until now.

↓

Last week, using just three clubs… you heard me right, three clubs,

clubs heard three using week

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he comes back from 11 down to win his first tournament in years.

comes tournament years

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Follows that up with a win at the Visit Knoxville Open.

follows open visit

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Whoo!

whoo

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Teamed up with a caddie that he found in a Walmart parking lot…

found parking walmart

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Suck it, you guys.

suck

↓

…is one win away from returning to the PGA Tour.

returning tour

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To all the Lonnie Hawkins fans out there, remember.

fans hawkins lonnie remember

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Old golfers never die,

↓

they just lose their balls.

balls lose

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Hey, who all here thinks I'm gonna win my next tournament?

thinks tournament

↓

Yeah!

↓

And for the record, I still have both my testicles.

record testicles

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Amen to that!

amen

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Their names are Alanis and Morissette.

alanis morissette names

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Isn't that ironic?

ironic

↓

Hey, drinks on me!

drinks

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- Yeah! - Whoo, yeah!

whoo

↓

No well drinks. Just beer and wine.

beer drinks wine

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- Just beer. - Yeah.

beer

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- But still, on me. - Whoo!

whoo

↓

- Lonnie! Lonnie! - Lonnie Hawkins, y'all.

hawkins lonnie yall

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- ♪ They call him the Hawk ♪ - ♪ Hawk! ♪

hawk

↓

♪ He's a golfer ♪

golfer

↓

♪The greatest golfer in the world! ♪

golfer greatest world

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…is one win away from returning to the PGA Tour.

returning tour

↓

To all the Lonnie Hawkins fans out there, remember.

fans hawkins lonnie remember

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Old golfers never die, they just lose their balls.

balls lose

↓

Van Pelt is the man!

↓

Yo, did you hear that, Lance? Epic.

epic lance

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Shut the fuck up, Jerry. Just focus, okay?

focus fuck jerry

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Yeah, for sure.

↓

- God damn it! - You're all right.

↓

Load and explode.

explode load

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- Hi. - Oh my God! What?

↓

- Oh, hey, babe. - Hey…

babe

↓

- Little stressed? - No, not at all.

stressed

↓

Just… working on my swing. What's up?

swing working

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Um, what did you decide about your dad?

decide

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Uh, you need an answer, like, right now?

answer

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Kinda. The engagement party's in one week.

engagement kinda partys week

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Hell yeah, it is. My boy's getting hitched!

boys

↓

Well, engaged. What's the big deal?

deal engaged

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I just gotta know.

↓

Wouldn't it be weird to not invite him, though?

invite weird

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I mean, we're inviting, like, half the Tour,

half inviting tour

↓

even assholes like Golden Fisk and Anton Floyd.

assholes golden

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Well, yeah, but they're gonna show up.

↓

Yeah.

↓

You don't wanna be all stressed out and disappointed

disappointed stressed

↓

like you were at Old Henry's funeral, do you?

funeral

↓

No, you're right.

↓

- I am. - I don't need that stress.

stress

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- Yeah. - No stress.

stress

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I know how important this party is to you.

party

↓

Babe, it's not just for me. It's for you too.

babe

↓

Well, if it was for me too, we'd probably have, like, a…

↓

doughnut tower for my boys or something.

boys doughnut tower

↓

Hell yeah.

↓

Okay, well… let's get a doughnut tower, then.

doughnut tower

↓

- Yeah? - Yo, doughnut tower!

doughnut tower

↓

- Cheat day! - Yeah!

cheat

↓

- I'm gonna eat so many doughnuts. - Well, we'll see.

doughnuts

↓

- I love you so much. - Love you too.

love

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Isn't she great, Jerry?

jerry

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Yeah, amazing. Ugh…

amazing

↓

Come on, get a room.

room

↓

Know what I mean?

↓

Okay, I'll see you guys later.

↓

Yo, what's up, what's up, what's up?

↓

How did the Dodgers blow it? They had Ohtani on the mound.

blow mound

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Oh shit.

↓

Wait, I thought you… thought you weren't doing that anymore.

anymore

↓

- I'm back, baby! - Oh. Let's go!

baby

↓

- Just too damn addicting. - It is. Fuck yeah, it is.

fuck

↓

- That's why they call it an addiction. - I got it on lock. Love that rush.

addiction lock love rush

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Yeah, you do.

↓

Oh, and, uh… Jerry, I need you to cover for me.

cover jerry

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Tell Nat I'm running late this afternoon.

afternoon late running running-late

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Maybe just… I don't know, make something up. You're good at this.

↓

Tell her I'm at the range or something.

range

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Of course. Just be careful, bro.

careful course

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It's nothing, man. I got it on lock.

lock

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Lock it down.

lock

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Blam! There he is!

↓

With all this money kicking in now,

kicking money

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why are we staying in an abandoned parking lot?

abandoned parking staying

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I saw a Marriott as we were driving in.

driving

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I like parking lots.

lots parking

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- You were living in a parking lot. - Mmm.

living parking

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You know, I get it now.

↓

The challenge,

challenge

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the mental game.

game mental

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Every stroke matters.

matters stroke

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It makes sense.

makes makes-sense sense

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Are you starting to come around? You like golf now?

golf starting

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- I like money. - Oh no, I can tell.

money

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- This? - Yeah.

↓

I wasn't sure if you'd notice.

notice

↓

Oh, I noticed all right. Hard not to notice.

hard notice noticed

↓

Well, thank you.

↓

- This is Wilsons Leather. - Mmm.

leather wilsons

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Mmm. New season, same classics.

classics season

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It's, uh, not quite broken in yet.

broken

↓

- It'll take time. - Of course, leather product.

course itll leather product

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Yeah. I'm not jealous of much… but I'm jealous of that.

jealous

↓

- Mm-hmm. - Look at the craftsmanship. Gorgeous.

gorgeous

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- I'm so glad you like it. - Stunning.

glad stunning

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- Maybe I should get some leather. - Yeah, you should!

leather

↓

- Wear leather pants on the golf course. - That would be really cool.

cool course golf golf-course leather leather-pants pants wear

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- Okay. - Excuse me.

excuse

↓

I don't want to bother you, but me and my family are in that car over there.

bother family

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We're trying to get to Indiana where my brother's got a job for me.

brothers indiana

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We're just a little short on gas money.

money short

↓

- Let's see. - Well…

↓

- What do I got? - Uh, yeah, hold on here.

↓

There you go.

↓

Good luck in Indiana.

indiana luck

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- Yeah, get something for those kids too. - Thank you.

kids

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Thank you both.

↓

Now, you don't see that in a Marriott.

↓

Nope. No, you don't.

nope

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I'm really glad that guy didn't want my leather jacket.

glad jacket leather

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- No, well… I'd have fought him over that. - That would've been hard to part with.

fought hard part wouldve

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Wow, look at that crowd.

crowd

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That's not a crowd, Sam.

crowd

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Those are my people. Hawk-a-holics.

hawk

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♪ I like your strut Do you wanna go struttin'? ♪

↓

- Okay. - Whoo!

whoo

↓

I like that.

↓

Welcome, everybody, to day four of the OccuNet Classic.

classic everybody four welcome

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I'm Shane Bacon alongside my usual sidekick James Nitties.

bacon james shane sidekick usual

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And James, the talk of this tournament coming in

coming james tournament

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has been one thing and one thing only, that's Lonnie Hawkins.

hawkins lonnie

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It sure has. His story has taken hold.

story taken

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And these people are out here to see an old hero of theirs

hero

↓

try to win three in a row and catapult himself back up onto the Tour.

three tour

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He's gonna have a fight on his hands

fight hands

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paired alongside Hans Korsguaard, the Dane.

dane hans

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Korsguaard, what a player. He is ripping it up out here today.

player ripping today

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He could also go up to the Tour with a win, so it's gonna be a battle.

battle tour

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Move, let's go! Make some room.

room

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Watch out. Make some room. Get out of the way!

room watch

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How's everybody doing today? Good? Yeah?

everybody today

↓

Here to see some golf?

golf

↓

Well, you picked a good day, 'cause I'm gonna play the shit out of some golf.

golf picked

↓

Yeah!

↓

Now, I know it's etiquette to be quiet out of respect.

quiet respect

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But what do you say today we make some fucking noise?

fucking noise today

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Get your tits in there. Come on.

tits

↓

- Get them chanting "balls deep." - All right. You heard him.

balls chanting deep heard

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Balls deep! Balls deep! Balls deep!

balls deep

↓

Come on! Yes.

↓

Hoo! Whoo!

whoo

↓

Fuck yeah!

fuck

↓

Hell yeah!

↓

Ho!

↓

- Whoo! - Yeah.

whoo

↓

Whoo!

whoo

↓

What are we looking at?

looking

↓

Well, uh… Somebody fart?

fart somebody

↓

Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!

hawk

↓

- Ho-ho! - Ah-ha-ha!

↓

Mmm!

↓

- Let's close it up. - Yeah.

close

↓

It's just another hole.

another hole

↓

Not exactly.

↓

It's a defining moment.

moment

↓

One of us will ascend the ranks of golf to its pinnacle, the PGA Tour.

golf tour

↓

The other will continue to play in the mud with the pigs.

continue pigs

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You haven't said a fucking word all day.

fucking word

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This hole will dictate our destiny.

destiny dictate hole

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Look, I'm one stroke up, buddy.

buddy stroke

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- I got a three-foot putt here. - A lot is riding on it.

foot putt riding three

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I'd love it if you'd go back to not speaking.

love speaking

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You will not make this putt.

putt

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I'm sorry. All the glory will go to me today.

glory today

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We Danes, we have a phrase for men like you.

phrase

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The man that almost wins, but never does.

wins

↓

- "Trist tom slap klovn." - Okay. Well, you don't need to translate.

slap

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"Sad, empty, limp clown."

clown empty limp

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- Thank you. Your English is very good. - I know.

english

↓

God, remind me not to go to Dane land.

dane land remind

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For real.

real

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Which one do you want?

↓

- I want the putter. - Oh, okay.

↓

I got you.

↓

- Oh God. You tapped my nuts. - Oh, sorry! I'm sorry.

nuts tapped

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I'm so sorry.

↓

And it's just light enough to make me feel nauseous.

light nauseous

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Sorry, man.

↓

Looks exactly like the putt you missed at the US Open.

missed open putt

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The one that sent you spiraling into shameful oblivion.

oblivion sent shameful

↓

I'll be watching.

watching

↓

James, it looks like the two golfers are engaged in some friendly ribbing.

engaged friendly james

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A little gamesmanship out there.

↓

This crowd is ready to explode.

crowd explode ready

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With all that's gone on, you have to wonder

gone wonder

↓

what's going through Lonnie Hawkins' mind right now.

hawkins lonnie mind

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Hey, Hans.

hans

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Why don't you slap your own klovn, you slap klovn?

slap

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Yeah! I did it!

↓

I did it! I'm Lonnie Hawkins!

hawkins lonnie

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I did it all by myself.

↓

- You did it. - I did!

↓

- You did it just like you said! - I did it like I said I would!

↓

Oh my God.

↓

Listen to that crowd.

crowd

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I know!

↓

I did it.

↓

Come on, stand up and give them what they want.

stand

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- I can't. - Are you too emotional?

emotional

↓

No, I have a boner.

boner

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Oh, okay, okay. All right.

↓

Yeah!

↓

He's got a PGA boner.

boner

↓

Just try to get up, though.

↓

Oh, every time I look at the crowd… the boner comes back.

boner comes crowd

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Boner's back.

boners

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And he has done it.

↓

Lonnie Hawkins, returning to the PGA Tour.

hawkins lonnie returning tour

↓

The cameras and sensors detect exactly where the ball would land

ball cameras land

↓

in a physical course, and I gotta say,

course physical

↓

it's a heck of a lot of fun.

fun heck

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Also, it's contained.

↓

No more weather delays. It's an unrivaled fan experience.

experience weather

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And the branding opportunities are endless.

endless opportunities

↓

This could be huge for us.

huge

↓

I agree. This feels like a great opportunity for us.

agree feels opportunity

↓

I'd rather join forces with these nerds than those Arabs over at LIV Golf.

forces golf join nerds

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You know me. Let's grow the tent. Let more people in.

grow tent

↓

Wha… What is happening?

↓

Lonnie Hawkins, he's coming back up.

coming hawkins lonnie

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No, he is not! He's not!

↓

Yes, he is. He just won his third Korn Ferry Tour in a row.

ferry korn third tour

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Shut your dirty mouth, Linda.

dirty linda mouth

↓

Isn't it wonderful? Shane Bacon over at the Golf Channel said Saturday's ratings

bacon channel golf ratings shane

↓

were higher than Love Island.

higher island love

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Well, it's a great story. I mean, think of it. A father and son competing.

competing father story

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Look, hold on, hold on. Isn't there something we can do?

↓

Like… keep him out? You know, some code of conduct kinda thing?

code conduct kinda

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Now, why would we do that, Anton? The man is gonna bring all kinds of fans to golf.

bring fans golf kinds

↓

Oh, you mean those T-shirt-wearing, beer-drinking idiots

beer drinking idiots shirt wearing

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in their cutoff jeans and flip-flops?

cutoff flip flops jeans

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We might as well turn every one of our tournaments into the Shit River Classic.

classic might river

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What in God's name is this institution coming to?

coming gods gods-name institution name

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Know what? I knew it.

↓

I was against it, but I knew it.

↓

As soon as we let a woman up in this boardroom,

boardroom woman

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it was the end of the PGA Tour as we know it.

tour

↓

That's true.

↓

It won't be long now till this room is filled with women and undesirables.

filled room till women

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Come on. He'll be bounced out before the end of the season.

bounced season

↓

Bubba's right. Most of the golfers coming out of the qualifiers

coming

↓

don't make it in our league, but it's a good story.

league story

↓

That's cute, Brick. That's really cute.

brick cute

↓

You know what? Most of the golfers coming out of the qualifiers are not

coming

↓

Lonnie Hawkins!

hawkins lonnie

↓

- To kicking ass. - To kicking ass.

kicking

↓

Did you see the look on that Danish guy's face when you sunk that putt?

face putt sunk

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Yeah. Yeah.

↓

It looked like someone threw human shit in his face.

face human looked threw

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I mean, listen, I got nothing against the Danes.

↓

They make the biggest dogs…

biggest dogs

↓

- I just don't get it. - What?

↓

The Hawkins clan.

hawkins

↓

I mean, nothing from Stacy, Lance.

lance stacy

↓

- No congratulations, nothing. - Hmm.

congratulations

↓

I thought Stacy would at least write, "Hey, where's my money?"

least money stacy write

↓

But Lance?

lance

↓

I mean, he knows I'm coming back up. He hasn't said a word.

coming knows word

↓

He's probably busy with his engagement party.

busy engagement party

↓

With his what?

↓

Yeah, I thought you knew.

↓

I heard some guy in the clubhouse saying he was going to it.

clubhouse heard

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Yeah.

↓

Yeah, right. No, no.

↓

- No, he told me. - Mmm.

↓

I just, uh… I must have missed his invite. I'm just so focused on the tournament.

focused invite missed must tournament

↓

Yeah, that's probably what happened.

happened

↓

So what was that, uh,

↓

you were saying about big dogs?

dogs

↓

Oh, the Danes, so they make--

↓

My own son didn't want me at his engagement party.

engagement party

↓

That's fucked up.

fucked

↓

Where'd you say it was, anyway?

whered

↓

Guy said he was going to Pensacola.

↓

- Pensacola? - Mm-hmm.

↓

It's about… 28 hours away.

hours

↓

- 28 hours? - Mm-hmm.

hours

↓

Party's on Tuesday.

partys tuesday

↓

So if we… you know, took off right now, we could probably make it there in time.

↓

- It's a straight shot on the 10. - Uh-huh.

shot straight

↓

Go and see my son…

↓

Yep.

↓

- …my wife… - Uh-huh.

wife

↓

…everyone from the PGA…

↓

- They're all there, I bet. - …under one roof.

roof

↓

Mm-hmm.

↓

…to celebrate me making my way back to the PGA.

celebrate

↓

On top of celebrating your son and his engagement.

celebrating engagement

↓

- Right, right, right. - Right.

↓

- No. - Yep.

↓

I don't want to go there on principle alone.

alone principle

↓

You know the Blue Angels are based out of Pensacola, right?

angels based blue

↓

No! I love the Blue Angels.

angels blue love

↓

They're phenomenal.

↓

What if we met one of them, and then they took us up?

↓

- Are you kidding? - On a flight.

flight kidding

↓

We'd be catching G's, that's what I heard it's called.

called catching heard

↓

- But we won't, 'cause we're not going. - Nah.

↓

- We could take these to go. - We could.

↓

'Cause we have, like,

↓

a couple more batches coming.

coming couple

↓

We could if we thought we should do it, but I don't see why we should.

↓

- You're right. - Nope.

nope

↓

We're definitely not going.

↓

Boom!

boom

↓

♪ Standing in line At the railroad station ♪

line standing station

↓

♪ Try to make it home With an explanation ♪

explanation home

↓

♪ Well, it's now or never Ain't gonna live forever ♪

aint forever live live-forever

↓

♪ Got to get it together Time's ticking away, my friend ♪

friend ticking times

↓

Oh my God.

↓

- How far out are we? - About 45 minutes.

minutes

↓

Almost there.

↓

Did I talk in my sleep?

sleep

↓

Mm-hmm.

↓

- About werewolves? - Yeah, you did.

↓

I always dream about Charlie Chaplin

charlie dream

↓

being chased by werewolves.

chased

↓

Oh. I will dream about cats.

cats dream

↓

I also dream about chicken nuggets.

chicken dream nuggets

↓

Well, do me a favor. Stop if you see a Publix or a Kroger's.

favor

↓

Will do, boss.

boss

↓

- Hi. - Hey, good seeing you.

seeing

↓

- Thank you. - Thank you.

↓

Let me know what you think.

↓

So I'm playing against Tyrell Hadney down in Austin.

playing tyrell

↓

We're on the backside of the long par 5. Here, hold this. And I'm about to tee off.

backside

↓

I say, "Do you have a nut allergy? 'Cause I'm about to nut this drive."

allergy drive

↓

This is fun. This feels expensive.

expensive feels fun

↓

Feels like we could have maybe cut back on some things.

feels

↓

- Yeah. - Anton, thanks for coming.

coming thanks

↓

Lance, delighted to be here.

delighted lance

↓

- Natalie. - Good to see you.

↓

I see your mother pushing her hard tea on everyone.

hard mother pushing

↓

Cheers!

cheers

↓

- Can't you do something about that? - You want me to kick her out?

kick

↓

- That was a joke. - Right. No, I know.

joke

↓

- Hey, Lance. - Hey, you made it.

lance

↓

Who the fuck is that?

fuck

↓

- Sarah. Do you know anyone at this party? - I don't think I do.

party sarah

↓

We already have a specialty mocktail, okay?

specialty

↓

The Green's Fee. It's organic green juice served in a souvenir Ryder Cup.

green juice organic served souvenir

↓

- Did you come up with that? - Yeah.

↓

God damn it.

↓

- Well… - You're so fucking creative.

creative fucking

↓

- Thanks. - God, I love that about you.

love thanks

↓

Love you too.

love

↓

- Ugh. I'll go talk to her. - Thank you.

↓

Apparently Natalie's father works in ball bearings.

apparently ball father works

↓

Isn't that interesting?

interesting

↓

No, Radford, it's not fucking interesting.

fucking interesting radford

↓

Hey, Mom.

↓

Can you not pass out the hard tea drinks?

drinks hard pass

↓

Natalie doesn't… want you to.

↓

Come on.

↓

This party needs a little rooty toot toot.

needs party toot toot-toot

↓

Yeah, I know. It really does, huh?

↓

Lance, you know what you're getting into, right?

lance

↓

- Does she know what she's getting into? - What do you mean?

↓

I mean, think about it. Like, what does she even know about you?

↓

Lance. Great party.

lance party

↓

Golden, so glad you came.

glad golden

↓

- Congratulations. - Thanks.

congratulations thanks

↓

- Hey, you know my wife Bunny, right? - Hi.

bunny wife

↓

Hi… uh, Bunny.

bunny

↓

Dude, I was real sorry to see you stumble at the Schwab.

real stumble

↓

- That was too bad. - Oh no, I wasn't…

↓

I don't think I stumbled.

stumbled

↓

You did. You got real rigid and real tight.

real tight

↓

- Your swing, it just kinda broke down. - My swing was fine. My swing was great.

broke kinda swing

↓

- No, hey. Where's your dad at? - My dad? Oh, he's… he's, um…

↓

- Ah, he couldn't make it. - Man, you must be so excited.

excited must

↓

The Hawk is on his way back up.

hawk

↓

I mean, every golfer at the party's talking about it. It's wild.

golfer partys wild

↓

- Yeah, I'm-- I'm… so stoked. - That's great.

stoked

↓

You said everyone's talking about it?

everyones

↓

- It's rippling through the crowd. - Oh yeah?

crowd

↓

- Oh… - Stacy.

stacy

↓

Golden.

golden

↓

I just can't believe how wild it is.

believe wild

↓

Imagine that, you and your dad playing in the same golf tournament.

golf imagine playing tournament

↓

Yeah, that is fun. That's fun. I'm not too worried about it, though.

fun worried

↓

- None of that father-son stuff? - No, no, no.

father stuff

↓

- Don't want none of that. - But how about you, Golden?

golden

↓

How about you and my dad playing in the same tournament?

playing tournament

↓

The blast from the past that couldn't last.

blast past

↓

- Yeah? - No, I, uh…

↓

Well, yeah, I already killed that dragon.

dragon killed

↓

Oh, you got lucky.

lucky

↓

Twice.

twice

↓

- Hey, you see that? - Oh. Yeah.

↓

She and the Hawk, they're not even together anymore.

anymore hawk

↓

She's still totally dedicated.

dedicated

↓

Totally loyal. I love it. I'll see y'all later. Take care.

care love loyal yall

↓

- Okay. Thanks for the tips. - Nice to see you, Golden.

golden thanks tips

↓

This fucking guy, man.

fucking

↓

- Such a fucking asshole. - Fuck.

asshole fuck fucking fucking-asshole

↓

Well, look who hit the jackpot.

jackpot

↓

What's that?

↓

Well, I got these flowers and this cute little bear.

bear cute flowers

↓

Didn't want to show up empty-handed. I mean, who doesn't love a bear?

bear empty handed love

↓

I don't know, people that got bit by bears?

bears

↓

All right, how far out are we?

↓

Uh, just down the road.

road

↓

Well, let's shake a you-know-what.

shake

↓

Titty bone!

bone titty

↓

Well, I maintain Rory's Nike Sumo 2 driver was non-conforming.

driver maintain nike sumo

↓

It's a statement of fact.

fact statement

↓

He swapped it out, so why are we still talking about it? Get over it.

swapped

↓

I mean, give it a rest, Anton. We're all out here trying to get an edge.

edge rest

↓

Come on, just leave Rory alone.

alone

↓

I haven't worn socks in 15 years.

socks worn years

↓

No regrets.

regrets

↓

Okay, hi, everyone.

↓

Really quick, we just want to say thank you so much

quick

↓

for making the trip out to celebrate with us today.

celebrate today trip

↓

Whoo… Whoo!

whoo

↓

You just gonna sit here drinking that wine?

drinking wine

↓

Yeah. They've been in there drinking for hours.

drinking hours

↓

I mean, if I show up sober, I'm gonna look like an idiot.

idiot sober

↓

So, you know, I gotta catch up.

catch

↓

Mmm. Smart.

smart

↓

- Mm-hmm. - I'm so glad we came.

glad

↓

I think this is a good idea.

idea

↓

Yeah. No, there's no doubt.

doubt

↓

- Mm-hmm. - It feels good.

feels

↓

- This was a solid decision. - For sure.

decision solid

↓

- It just feels right. - Yeah.

feels

↓

- You coming in? - I'm gonna sit this one out.

coming

↓

It's a family thing.

family

↓

Get your flowers, get on out of here.

flowers

↓

All right.

↓

The truth is, Lance would be at the gym right now if he could be.

lance truth

↓

My boy's jacked!

boys jacked

↓

The only way I could get him to his own engagement party was if I got him this.

engagement party

↓

There it is, Lance. Your doughnut tower.

doughnut lance tower

↓

Isn't she amazing? Look at this. Four feet of doughnuts. Maybe five, wow!

amazing doughnuts feet five four

↓

- Lot of holes! - Shut the fuck up, Jerry.

fuck holes jerry

↓

Yeah, yeah. Sorry.

↓

Um, but in all seriousness, this woman right here is

woman

↓

so much more than a smoking hot piece of ass

piece smoking

↓

I saw doing fire hydrants at the Alo gym.

fire

↓

No, but really, she's my life partner.

life partner

↓

Aww…

↓

And… I don't know where I'd be without her.

↓

- I could maybe be-- - Excuse me, coming through!

coming excuse

↓

Hold on. Hold on, I'm here! Pardon me.

pardon

↓

- Don't worry, I'm here. - You gotta be fucking kidding me.

fucking fucking-kidding kidding worry

↓

I got here just in the nick of time, don't worry.

nick worry

↓

Oh, is that a pig in a blanket? God, that looks good.

blanket

↓

- Oh jeez. It's okay. - Is that Lonnie Hawkins?

hawkins jeez lonnie

↓

No problem, three-second rule.

problem rule second three

↓

Oh. Uh, you mind holding on to this?

holding mind

↓

- Hey, Rickie! - Hey, man.

↓

- What a bonus. - Good to see you.

bonus

↓

You're hitting it great right now. Golden.

golden hitting

↓

- I'm gunning for you two. - How you doing, Hawk?

hawk

↓

- Fucking do something. - What do you want me to do?

fucking

↓

Don't sleep on a pig in the blanket. That's hitting the spot. That is good.

blanket hitting sleep spot

↓

I mean, the first person who thought to, you know,

person

↓

take dough and wrap it around a mini hot dog, that man…

dough mini wrap

↓

or woman, because we don't know…

woman

↓

I don't know.

↓

You don't know. You don't know. No one knows.

knows

↓

Actually, it was a woman. Betty Crocker, 1957.

betty woman

↓

That's a strong pull, Fowler. Love it.

love pull strong

↓

Hey! Lance, Nancy.

lance nancy

↓

So sorry I'm late. We had to book down from Amarillo, Texas.

book late texas

↓

I was playing in a tournament there, which I won, which means…

playing tournament

↓

Anton! I didn't even see you there. How's that wife of yours?

wife

↓

She's none of your business!

business

↓

It means I'm gonna be playing with my beloved son, Lance…

beloved lance playing

↓

…in the same tournaments, 'cause I'm back up.

↓

But you know what's the greatest gift ever?

gift greatest

↓

Is for a man to spend time with his son.

spend

↓

Thank you.

↓

And I want to… Give me that.

↓

I'd just like to make a toast.

toast

↓

Lance, my love for you is so great,

lance love

↓

and that's the reason I fought my way back,

fought reason

↓

so that we could play together, side by side,

side

↓

and I could share with you and the world

share world

↓

that your daddy's not done.

daddys

↓

I'm gonna get me that fourth major.

fourth major

↓

Cheers!

cheers

↓

- To Nancy and Lance. - That's enough.

lance nancy

↓

- Oh! - That's enough.

↓

The ball and chain!

ball chain

↓

I'm just gonna borrow Lonnie here if everybody doesn't mind.

borrow everybody lonnie mind

↓

Looks like I'm going to the doghouse!

↓

Stop clapping. Stop clapping!

clapping

↓

What are you doing here? Don't answer that.

answer

↓

- I-- - Do not! Do not answer that.

answer

↓

Shh! No. Lonnie, I know why you're here.

lonnie

↓

You heard me. 'Cause I'm here to support our son.

heard support

↓

Shut the fuck up, Lonnie.

fuck lonnie

↓

You're here to ruin everything for everyone.

ruin

↓

- Like you always do. - Oh my God…

↓

I'm not even gonna…

↓

Did you not notice that no one invited you to this, Lonnie?

invited lonnie notice

↓

Did you ever think why that might have happened?

happened might

↓

Yeah, because I don't have a mailbox. That's probably the reason.

mailbox reason

↓

- Wow, you're delusional. - I don't think I'm delusional.

delusional

↓

There is no doughnut on this doughnut you have come in contact with

contact doughnut

↓

that wasn't ruined by your bullshit.

bullshit ruined

↓

Well, that's an exaggeration.

↓

- And that doughnut, your son back there? - Yeah. We made him.

doughnut

↓

- He's wound so doughnut… - Yeah.

doughnut wound

↓

Only me and the game of doughnut holding him together.

doughnut game holding

↓

- Did you know that? - I did not know that.

↓

Thank you for informing me of that.

↓

I told you that if you got back up here I would cut your dick off, so…

dick

↓

Whoops.

whoops

↓

Don't look at me. That was a poorly constructed doughnut tower.

doughnut poorly tower

↓

That was not my fault.

fault

↓

Whoever built that thing knows nothing about towers or doughnuts.

built doughnuts knows towers

↓

All right?

↓

- Everyone okay? Let's get a head count. - Lonnie, just get the fuck out of here.

count fuck head lonnie

↓

Leave us all alone! I have had it.

alone

↓

- Get out! - Okay, she's upset.

upset

↓

I get it. I owe you. I do.

↓

And I'll pay you back.

↓

But I got a good thing going here.

↓

I don't know, the season ends in like a month.

ends month season

↓

Vegas? No. No, not Vegas.

vegas

↓

Bad things happen in Vegas. Uh-uh, you are on your own.

happen vegas

↓

And stop following me, it's creepy.

creepy following

↓

Fuck that guy.

fuck

↓

Hey. Doughnut?

doughnut

↓

You fucking serious?

fucking fucking-serious serious

↓

What I said, I meant it.

meant

↓

Wouldn't it be neat if we could both play together?

neat

↓

LeBron and Bronny.

↓

I mean, the PGA Tour would go nuts. Wouldn't that be cool?

cool nuts tour

↓

No, it wouldn't be cool. Okay, you didn't come back so you could play with me.

cool

↓

I did. LeBron and Bronny.

↓

No. You came back because you saw that I was making a name for myself.

name

↓

- And you couldn't stand it. - I want you to be great too.

stand

↓

We both can be great.

↓

LeBron and Bronny.

↓

- Stop saying LeBron and Bronny. - Well, what else am I gonna say?

↓

This isn't a LeBron and Bronny situation.

situation

↓

LeBron and Bronny are on the same team, okay?

team

↓

That's the point, Dad.

point

↓

We're not on the same team.

team

↓

So good luck out there, because I'm gonna kick your ass.

kick luck

↓

- Good. - Good for me.

↓

- Good. - Good?

↓

- Yeah, good. - Yeah, good.

↓

- Lance. - Good.

lance

↓

Good.

↓

Lance, let's go.

lance

↓

Be right there. See you later, Lonnie.

lonnie

↓

It's "Dad."

↓

Yeah, well, it's Natalie.

↓

Okay? It's not Nancy.

nancy

↓

And, Lonnie.

lonnie

↓

Yeah?

↓

Fuck you.

fuck

↓

Right.

↓

Oh, how'd it go?

howd

↓

Well, surprisingly… I mean, really well, yeah.

surprisingly

↓

Yeah, it was, uh, you know… It was a good time.

↓

I mean, doughnut tower…

doughnut tower

↓

- Ooh. - Open bar, raw bar.

open

↓

That's sweet.

sweet

↓

Overall, a win. I'd say a win.

overall

↓

All right, well, that's great. I'm… You know, I'm glad you went.

glad

↓

You don't have a doughnut in your pocket, do you?

doughnut pocket

↓

I do, I have a pocket doughnut.

doughnut pocket

↓

- Oh! - Ooh!

↓

Fuck you, Lonnie!

fuck lonnie

↓

Ho-ho! You gotta love the passion!

love passion

↓

That is one hot tamale!

↓

Oh-ho!

↓

Fuck you!

fuck

↓

You fucking piece of shit!

fucking piece