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Rick and Morty

Season 9, Episode 8 — Rickuiem Mort a Dream

TMDB episode metadata
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'Sup, baby?
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Let's do some liquor science.
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Um, hey, Rick.
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Rick!
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Rick! Are you ignoring me?
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Hey! Hello! Rick!
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Did you go deaf?
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No, no, no, no, no!
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Oh, my God!
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- Morty! What the fuck? - I didn't... I didn't mean to!
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What the fuck?!
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Tell me why you ignored a sign that said "do not disturb."
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I... It's not important.
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It better be. You just destroyed my distillery!
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So either it's an emergency, or it's important.
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And it better be real fuckin' important
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because this was the most important thing to me today.
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So what did you come down here for?
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I was wondering if you could drive me to pick up some Pokémon cards.
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I'm sorry.
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Have you ever seen me happy, Morty?
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What? Uh, I mean, not really.
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Well, I've been happy in my life.
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And, look, there's no point on the chart
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where my joy intersects with your presence.
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Then why hang out with me?
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I don't know. When I found you, you were bait.
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When I killed that fish, maybe I should have cut the line.
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Because all I have now is a fucking worm.
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You told me that wasn't true. You're just trying to hurt me.
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Morty, no. I meant...
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Fuck!
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God damn it.
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This would be the perfect time for a drink.
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Pressure reader, fermentation chamber, copper lining.
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Wow, Morty blew all this up?
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- What's a mash tun? - Just get an empty beer keg for that.
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I'll also need 60-gallon drums.
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Okay. Up front, I'm gonna buy myself some shit
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since I'm running your errand.
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- Deal. - Can I get a little surprise?
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No. The Amex automatically blocks you, Jerry.
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How does it know I'm using the card?
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Because of the kind of stuff you buy.
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What do I buy?
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- Dumb stuff. - Dumb stuff.
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Computer, replace potato.
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The only Grimaldian potato in the galaxy
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- is here. - God damn it!
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- Let's go. - No, thanks.
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You're just gonna yell at me.
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Morty, what if I told you I have a thing that'll make it
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so you never hear me scream at you again?
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Wait. For real? What kind of thing?
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Rick, what the hell?!
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Rick, what did you do?
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It's a Sympathid, a species
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that generates unlimited empathy in its hosts.
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No matter what I say or do,
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the Sympathid will gloss over it
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like a Disney edit of a slasher movie.
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Here, watch. You're a worthless piece of shit, Morty!
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- I'm so disappointed in you. - Rick, fuck you!
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I can still hear you screaming.
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Okay, it must need to burrow a little bit deeper.
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There we go. Let's try again.
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You're a piece of sh...
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...work, Morty!
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Like a golden retriever. A Rick's best friend.
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And when I call you a disappointment,
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it's because I believe you can be so much better than you are.
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How's that? Pretty good, huh?
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It nibbles on your empathy centers
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and poops out something much stronger.
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- Wait. It eats my empathy? - Don't worry.
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We'll only keep it in long enough to win a potato together.
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Wait. We have to win one. How do we--
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By dancing with the stars!
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Hey. It's okay. Focus on my hips. That's where my center of gravity is.
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I don't know, Rick.
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You've got this. I believe in you.
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You two are up.
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And now performing "Clair de Lune: Epic Remix" from
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the Godzilla: King of the Monsters trailer,
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Rick Sanchez and his partner Morty Smith.
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Huzzah! A triumph in movement.
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Rick, I did it! I caught you!
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I knew you could do it, buddy!
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Congratulations, newest champions.
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Here is your reward.
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One perfect Grimaldian potato.
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And did you see when we nailed that triple spin?
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Your timing was metronomic, Morty.
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And then when I caught you--
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Oh, all of that was the Sympathid, wasn't it?
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- Did we actually dance or-- - The dancing was real.
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The trust, the connection, not so much.
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It was real nice to-to feel like that with you.
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Well, it can't stay in there forever.
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There's a bit of a comedown.
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What kind of comedown--
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I feel like shit.
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Wow, it's so nice outside.
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Stop guilting me!
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Oh, my God. This is our fifth Home Depot.
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I'm tired of depots.
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I'm not going home without those drums.
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It's the last thing we need on Grandpa Rick's list.
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Maybe we should have done all the Rick shopping
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before we went Summer shopping.
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I wasn't going to miss out on that Gucci x Kellogg's drop.
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Also, I didn't know everyone was gonna be out of 60-gallon drums.
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What the shit?
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That dude's hoarding all the drums!
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Why is this guy such a drum hog?
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I'm looking for the Petco. My dog needs--
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Oh, he's a serial killer.
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Jesus! We go to rescue that girl.
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We got to call the cops.
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Are you kidding? Those drums are evidence.
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The cops will take them all.
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I need you to follow my lead.
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These hatchbacks, huh?
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Uh, is that a dead girl?
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You got me. Thought this rug would do the deed,
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but it's clearly not working out.
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Now, those are a good idea.
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Wish I'd thought of 60-gallon drums.
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Yeah, yeah, they're kind of industry standard.
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Is my face red? Amateur serial killer here.
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Uh, you think maybe I could buy a couple off you?
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Sure. Uh, retail price is 75 bucks.
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Oh, thanks. Saved my night. Uh, here, I've got 100.
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Uh, I don't have any change.
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That's okay. Keep it.
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No, no, I'm a killer, not a thief.
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Look, I've got plenty of change at my place.
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It's right down the street.
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We got to save that girl.
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We got to get those drums!
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Hey, dipshit, get on the bus so I can make fun of you!
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You've got the body of a 14-year-old boy,
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and I'm gonna beat the shit out of that body.
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Bully is life! I'm gonna make you so fucking sad.
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Yeah. Okay, pal. Good luck with that.
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They're paycheck to paycheck,
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but they keep voting against their own interests.
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I see you. I know how much pain you're in.
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It's not your fault.
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And that's why the Boston Tea Party
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sparked the American Revolution.
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Holy integers! A raised hand.
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This is why I only teach math.
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History classes get you canceled.
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I just wanted to say
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that this history lesson looks a little different
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when you empathize with all the parties involved.
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You take a smart pill? You're too wise for a child.
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Next time I have to sub, maybe you should do the teaching.
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We should talk about the real issue here, Mr. Goldenfold.
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Your ex-wife. Call her.
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You might not get another shot, but you'll at least get closure.
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I wish you were my son.
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Hey, can I talk about how I was bullied in high school
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because of my last name?
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There's time enough for everyone,
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Principal Vagina.
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Thanks for waiting. I had to unload the stuff.
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- Tea? - Sure.
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Uh, I don't have to be worried about this, do I?
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I don't know. Do you?
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Let me get you that change for the drums.
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Hello? Please let me live. I'll do anything!
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Oh! You're alive.
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Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Help! Help!
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Okay. Uh, yeah. I'm gonna get you out of there.
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Thank you. Thank you!
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If you help me get
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- these 60-gallon drums out of here. - Huh?
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Got to say,
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you don't seem like a serial killer.
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I-I promise I'm a nightmare person.
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The worst of the worst.
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Really? What's your signature?
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Ah. My signature.
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Uh, what's yours?
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I leave a cat toy in my victim's pockets.
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That's why I'm the Cat and Mouse Killer.
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Well, I pour honey in the hair,
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and then I take, a bunch of flour
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and kind of mash it in there too,
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and some sprinkles and a balloon,
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and, like, I make a card that says "Happy Birthday."
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And then I wrap them in wrapping paper,
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and that's why they call me the Birthday Butcher.
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I kill them on their birthday because that's a double kill.
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You know, the death of the child
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and the death of the parent.
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The parent who metaphorically dies
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when they become a childless, regular person again.
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It's two in one.
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And when I kill twins, it's four at the same time.
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Oh, there's real darkness in you.
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Hey, Rick. I've been thinking about our boundaries.
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And you're right. I shouldn't just walk in
f8ecb2ff-b52c-469a-8198-bf8dcb431611.gif
and expect access to your time and attention.
ca6ba174-8e77-41e7-b1de-3bd794b14ff7.gif
What a pleasant surprise, Morty.
567e261a-ef93-47f7-bb40-f8d5be47b5dd.gif
I didn't expect the Sympathid to have lasting effects.
25e8fdd4-cdd9-4304-b816-9efd5b34b94b.gif
Well, I'd like to bring our trust up
fcd3c132-ddac-4a7b-9d51-5b61dd67c7e4.gif
to our good ol' Rick and Morty baseline.
f0feebf1-d197-48ff-9bf8-69e193005d82.gif
It's important that you feel appreciated and seen.
d0bbb6ba-24b6-4abb-b6f5-b2faded16ae5.gif
Point is, I'm gonna focus on finding balance
ec7399c9-5354-4430-b815-16c3c8f89541.gif
between my needs and what you want.
ca1d9235-ee91-4be9-bd86-80fcfcfbe586.gif
Well, I want that thermometer.
ef2168bb-4091-4d81-9be0-60f025b70ec7.gif
Easy!
825b171f-3080-4012-b18a-ef546f56d81a.gif
Do you mind if I take this? My grandpa needs it.
0ba64fdd-7733-4d12-82d2-3fe1602af45f.gif
Ah! Kaboom!
a48a639a-b98c-4cab-bdc2-d214fc6dc513.gif
Aw, look at the little guy!
c3091d31-29f3-45cf-bd4c-df2dd2452eed.gif
- Morty, your arm. - My arm?
d0b8b3bc-f26b-4aff-9455-8dbb2f8235ce.gif
Yeah, buddy. Your arm.
6f067023-5c76-4e8f-9923-b8d60fb4721c.gif
What's up with my arm?
a14e8112-bade-49ea-b8b7-31e440a361a1.gif
Oh, do you have the Sympathid in right now?
49f374f6-a3be-48f8-9a73-f13e2b73ae4c.gif
I don't know, maybe. Is that a problem?
85eb1978-188d-4c6c-83c8-e1d7c03fb335.gif
How long have you had it in?
3844c176-8f8e-4958-a895-817d61fff3ba.gif
Rick, it's making this, us, the whole thing work.
a5a94bdc-2acb-4aed-9bd2-b75b61c47b39.gif
I got to take a look at it, little guy. Okay?
4b71bc48-e132-4da4-b396-8613ecfaf636.gif
- Oh, Rick, that tickles. - Hold still, you...
c2006394-5821-4f77-9e7e-f8cf5c1a0ba5.gif
moron!
f5e4ac5b-2031-43b0-afa0-ab2ff783fc96.gif
What the fuck have you done?
63b906d0-16f4-4c4f-a9d9-c5d431cc8bd0.gif
You thought you could let an alien parasite
7a3da02c-3c5b-44a5-8af5-2e1670c0dd88.gif
feast on your brain without consequences?
1d397b88-0c4c-4600-a6fc-95cf7d5994fe.gif
Where are we? What's happening?!
7599d45d-ec7d-487b-88c9-afab4739e93c.gif
Why is my arm over there?
ee3c5b41-99e1-447c-b272-347680a18e56.gif
You sympathized with an explosion, you dumb piece of shit!
31a74ae7-77ba-4ee1-b51a-c686166bcc8f.gif
Morty, see that giant brain crab?
e1fbd610-4c1d-4051-a886-f7d46d95d655.gif
- That's your fault. - Oh, fuck off.
d9ca5dd5-48c8-428d-a66b-cd4c7861acdf.gif
- Fuck off? - Yeah, Rick.
cd180c73-14a9-46bd-b5e6-1478a27bde86.gif
"Oh, you ruined my morning!"
c06484b9-2d8b-40b9-afaf-cc19b8482d25.gif
Get over yourself, you dumb dead-wife-having bitch.
f9dc3da6-d1f6-40c6-b731-c3a81e2bc09c.gif
Okay, your empathy centers have been digested.
22f98c4f-12b7-4449-9e9c-3993e6e8fd87.gif
You literally can't empathize.
819d3cf4-d7fe-46be-9db2-7fb47d6c0b5b.gif
Oh, so I'm you now?
52db5064-eb62-4bd9-98c3-1054468dd802.gif
Quick, get me a kid so I can insult the shit out of him.
1d15be97-eca9-42b8-a88e-62c8f97d34d0.gif
All right, okay, maybe I leaned a little hard on the shortcut
9a064410-396a-4bd4-b38e-6629c419b1fd.gif
when I could have just talked to you.
6beccc12-a72e-4fda-b711-9f8a35eedd8a.gif
What difference does it make? Nothing matters.
f336fde1-7d1f-4471-aa58-4c6091170163.gif
Yeah, but I try not to be ghoulish, Morty.
1d61acee-8d14-4088-8656-21cefdadba44.gif
And this counts as ghoulish.
ffa02c8e-c5b0-4c4c-8ca6-a609cc3cadf9.gif
So you can empathize, you just don't want to.
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I'm old. I'm allowed to squeeze in some efficiency here and there.
c9f3a969-9f03-41f1-b76f-e699914b97ef.gif
Oh, shit, Morty!
de6d663d-0e93-4031-97bd-ecb812db43f9.gif
Oh, we're gonna die. We're gonna die!
88a73290-148e-4e10-9623-da16554b9e58.gif
Hey, this is on you for walking up to a scary guy
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and asking for directions.
74391edb-dfce-472f-b135-6dee8f2f3cb1.gif
Oh, that's worse than a victim-blaming teen
e941539e-6c5f-4d33-aadd-f370a77cde92.gif
obsessed with murder drums?
92651059-8dfc-4839-9511-6086fa0fc89a.gif
So help me God, if you fuck this up,
7167aecb-2f63-48e5-a27c-b52aa9dd3666.gif
I'll start screaming, and he'll come out here.
ff581c68-e1bb-421e-8839-ec12216eac71.gif
- You're a terrible person. - I'm not even here, lady.
0d874b35-a490-4c6f-a69f-aff0f4352eb2.gif
And if I'm not here, you're back at the bottom of a well.
d734be7d-0fb9-46fb-8ff8-977a65bfb8ff.gif
Don't even start unpacking this shit because it's airtight.
9279bfed-d233-4ce7-be3c-5a13b3fa640e.gif
You're not even another victim?
470ac279-65d1-40d7-ae4e-3820f7548869.gif
You came here on purpose?
3e432450-9830-4792-8dc5-b934e30b51a2.gif
Your side is low. Lift your side, bitch.
621f14c3-6db8-4e99-a913-864e17e16786.gif
Oh, no, no, no, no.
afd6fb23-b673-47ef-bd5b-424f3d476f54.gif
What the hell? That girl looks just like you.
cef38b8f-b80e-44fc-94c7-cb98a8578787.gif
Yeah. Yeah. Uh, that's my daughter.
f0082992-ce4d-4c44-b5c6-8d49ec2dcd97.gif
Wasn't she in the rug?
9fe33bc0-df78-4c77-9109-ec483b101540.gif
Looks like she's alive!
15808753-024c-4fd7-93c0-92cd7a34f87f.gif
Jesus Christ, you were trying to kill your daughter?!
b33b9913-01b6-43b8-a1b1-261a057f5efb.gif
That is fucked, man!
93e2adb9-6d13-4044-aa4d-620bd28e3bc6.gif
Oh, thank God.
66e9ecb4-cc52-4067-8770-2635415fcc52.gif
- You called the police? - Yeah.
26e15a5b-b50c-4e18-9ede-bb97b78b8f2a.gif
But you're a serial killer. You're crazy.
878e2ab1-356e-4bd7-9044-e101f58d6b19.gif
I thought I was until I met you.
c6836c4a-e64f-4172-8874-9378dbd42ef9.gif
I'm here for the girl.
177897df-d35b-45ff-aed4-b238dd93c4d2.gif
I'm not letting you touch her, man!
b9ee04e3-239b-4b1e-aebb-b13fc6b2feb1.gif
Help! He's gonna kill me!
879fe0c6-59b1-44cd-9872-d19ae95340b8.gif
- No, I'm not. I'm a normal guy. - Come out with your hands up.
473e1586-110e-4596-bdd5-5096b9551550.gif
No normal guy could come up with the stuff that you said!
f441c46d-f6ab-42ea-92e6-c41b33ac1b97.gif
I'm only here for your drums
31d20755-586f-4143-97da-9a634dc183d9.gif
and to rescue that girl, if I can convince my daughter.
744af6c9-6f49-4734-9059-cea6f2225300.gif
So you made me call the police on myself?
2fcedaef-19c8-4e51-9ffb-89690089cca6.gif
Come back here! I'm gonna kill you!
7b9bc803-0e67-4429-bc3a-e6ac91273a4b.gif
They said the '70s were full of serial killers
d01688c6-07aa-4e91-958e-230bc2b91d6d.gif
because World War II fucked up all their dads.
21435b05-9a3e-4829-a029-9b00efba2237.gif
But you know what I think?
5614db5e-228e-4985-9014-1458d044e92a.gif
- Sir-- - I think it's in our DNA.
0e8927db-0e83-4429-988b-5237206ce609.gif
I think you and I are two bad lattes away from getting out the knives.
e777115b-c705-4229-89c3-30e74dc6b958.gif
- Um-- - We're all animals.
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Fuck! Fuck!
3a7f5e71-2745-4b4b-9f98-8a7c7a91679d.gif
I wish this tire was my head!
f88fb301-fb98-4128-8049-d83555864eee.gif
Get the battering ram.
cd460ae3-96b4-4522-b62c-d66b2950551e.gif
I can't believe it's my fucking birthday.
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I don't feel good.
258d4683-84fe-45c1-9070-0c9d1bdeaf72.gif
Okay, we got to get you out of here
8293ce47-ec1f-4f0a-9608-a3a7ec54b31d.gif
and get that thing out of your head.
292b5b0a-7775-46f8-b088-73da976da7c9.gif
Fuckin' bug is making me feel
cdf08b70-c067-46ac-b079-92c12081553c.gif
a lot of feelings, Morty, a lot of feelings.
a748be95-2aa0-4a86-ab6f-c7efec343a02.gif
I know what you want, Morty.
a1d495b6-1db5-4ab2-aad0-a89969cdc78c.gif
Come here, come here, come here.
c4272c02-d518-4945-9ee9-0411601f25e5.gif
Grandpa's got a nice kiss for your forehead.
ee471d64-27d3-4079-8e7b-c55911cf0d01.gif
Grandpa should be giving you hugs, not turning you into a trash can
ea994550-a1ea-44ac-8ece-ff1e10aa4ba0.gif
when I'm too lazy to walk across the room.
4b6ee9e4-157a-4119-9de3-f64bd39a6fac.gif
Wait, when was that? Fuck! Here they come!
754b0bc1-4a87-40ac-af42-02aed39ae34a.gif
Oh, no! No, no, no. His juice is coming out.
ef130121-0472-467f-94cd-ad4290b2fd37.gif
Oh, Morty, we got to put his juice back in.
e5e37476-90ec-49d0-9b72-a553f5e0b577.gif
- What are you doing? - I got to call his family.
ab6f4fd7-55ec-429a-bb28-ef2fbe4005a8.gif
Rick, this isn't the time!
00d9bdca-59d3-462a-b41e-a933c37c1b42.gif
Mrs. Gorbleflax? I'm sorry. Your husband's dead.
a918f85b-4000-4574-8997-6e9e8b5469c4.gif
Give me the fucking phone.
859aac6d-3457-4d18-8acc-f4a552fcbfc9.gif
He lost all his juice!
dbe0f7da-7115-4d65-b3e0-9d86b44737a7.gif
Oh, my God! We got to make so many phone calls!
65221b04-86b0-4efa-bd29-c1ecd2cee779.gif
Hurry up. I get it, Rick.
338e1189-d5f5-4153-9ff6-cf916fdde8a1.gif
I get how frustrating it is to try to get things done
70f078cd-bd05-4ec8-8c0e-5a4e34ded33e.gif
while your sidekick shits the emotional bed.
407c5fc2-ed68-43c6-8db8-c823b25037cd.gif
I got to clean my car. So much broken glass.
dc06451f-62b5-49c2-8b09-f15b6da6eb31.gif
Set destination for Earth!
644f9c6c-f2e0-4ec1-99d3-cf2e9cffba66.gif
Is that a used syringe on the floor?
b55f048b-6882-409a-9ba9-c6032f2f7e9e.gif
What will people think?
345a346c-fcd6-481b-93d0-6dc79c13669c.gif
- What's your problem? - What the hell? What's your problem?
660e295e-b56a-4330-bf6a-6e225cf51fac.gif
- Put Grandpa Rick on the phone. - Not now.
f8e84dc1-fedb-4067-9950-3aeb73d597c1.gif
There's a brain crab in Rick's head
0072647c-84a0-4801-a963-213016577399.gif
that's making him into a Hallmark movie.
3bd0586d-0405-4e18-b489-c5f3fcc44281.gif
Every piece of paper has an animal locked inside.
b9f65d9e-7d32-4c44-a3fb-1a552650d8d7.gif
Well, Dad's about to be killed by the police so...
6aa7d02e-64a0-4408-8e86-930bf495d6e9.gif
We can get another dad.
45e9e4be-5eeb-4aac-88db-9ff43653f94e.gif
- What? - What?!
69fa4812-fd7f-4910-82af-b74897d17163.gif
Wow! Look at the stars! We're in space!
7c94bde4-35e5-45ce-9602-886e37c772d7.gif
Morty, I don't know what the hell is going on.
feded1d9-b6cd-42a5-ad4e-9e35204e01f5.gif
Get over here now, or I'll make sure whatever happens next is worse.
6e84dc68-7cb0-43fd-9546-4b6f472a9a3f.gif
Fuck! Fine. Set course for Summer.
de5d2e91-4fd6-4a0b-9605-460251a77713.gif
Grandpa Rick, I--
2bcf373a-4cb6-44e3-93bf-236e144868bc.gif
You don't need to prove yourself to me.
7d3e6724-9008-4a3b-8936-323836a797cf.gif
Grandpa loves you.
e8d3084f-fe8d-45ca-8646-e06082bb043d.gif
What the literal dick?
60504245-90b5-4f25-ba4b-70dc2b5beda4.gif
Told you. Brain crabbed.
923a15bb-aa1b-4684-b4e8-b6ca85569766.gif
- He's in there? - Yeah.
ed86b1a8-7e14-4883-8456-d05c85edcd54.gif
Housekiller Ram is here, sir.
5252441e-e531-44ea-9830-ad442731d0f4.gif
Great. This guy wants a Waco? I'll show him who's God.
842304f0-f47f-48b2-b0ee-b97f8417c5f7.gif
Hold on. Let me try.
45e0bdb5-6a83-4210-bf7e-745ed70380b4.gif
Dad, are you still alive?
7ad7f867-2d2d-4317-8a93-eb5de75f7319.gif
Morty! Help!
86a2405a-10cc-4b5b-b4c4-4ff40f224f7b.gif
I am gonna boil you alive!
4c5e20b9-3402-48ac-86db-9ac7938b14a4.gif
Kid, you're not gonna talk him down.
8fdf08bd-db25-4577-a83f-5a5b4ca958fa.gif
These kind of guys, they got zero empathy.
8b742c56-3c3a-476c-b20c-d350b9e172d5.gif
Right now, neither do I.
4d1bad0d-a941-4657-9885-44ee7f1a3d47.gif
Excuse me, Mr. Serial Killer, sir.
ff78971a-4ddf-4350-a2bf-b8911c760a0a.gif
Look, I know how you feel. I know everything's nothing.
cc7f4a9e-b459-4ec4-b31d-4bd9fe62f8ca.gif
We live in a world of made-up rules,
421657f2-f426-4c62-8c82-2abe6d85f4fd.gif
policed by policies that serve no one.
3d57d4c1-0c98-4db3-883b-3c21cc639e86.gif
You feel alone, and you don't understand anyone.
5d5fb612-8155-46fd-9167-4279e998963e.gif
But that doesn't mean you can't understand yourself.
cc3389a7-6d51-4947-b0cb-363c3166b92f.gif
I know what I need. I need someone to hug me.
49b45be3-3638-4132-b104-20e1bb807bef.gif
Not because they want something from me,
4e2fd721-a3b2-4b49-9a4d-952980031ec7.gif
but because they just want to hug me.
91457222-4e7c-4e04-bc6a-ecc137a01718.gif
But the world won't give people like us hugs
901361e9-bb53-4d2f-8aba-4f46d6f3ce55.gif
unless we tell people what we need.
9a0fb423-b7c4-4af5-a0e4-6ca672e87f34.gif
So if you want a hug, a real one,
c1316047-7892-446a-811f-582802d49e98.gif
then walk out and ask for it.
e5568a6c-a9f3-4b35-81cf-fd209d996296.gif
I want a hug!
54fdc02a-d1af-49c6-b980-36fb2fc11673.gif
He's got a knife!
661bc96b-fef8-4908-b028-9e18dfd337cd.gif
- Well... - Morty, I'm so proud of you.
7687ad6b-6e06-49fe-af88-a347f40fb3e3.gif
You did it. And this, sir, is for you.
5efb74d7-9d5e-4030-a78e-9ea691db596e.gif
- Happy birthday. - How did you know?
955f0375-6c29-464e-ab8b-d21fea39ca62.gif
I could just tell.
21c537cb-a3e7-4a95-9078-898a488bd895.gif
Can I come out,
4c605930-830f-4439-96ca-1320405ebcfe.gif
or are you gonna shoot me too?
ba990ffb-0e0e-4639-b55a-7fcfb71c214c.gif
Do you have a knife?
ca3e9150-3e2a-47c2-9801-36d66eb0a92a.gif
I technically have a Swiss Army knife in my pocket.
456dd2e1-82ee-4376-831c-7f3cc9d88615.gif
What... Was that the sound of an entire police force out of bullets?
f2dfa171-958e-4712-8d75-6265f9bc4328.gif
You always feel like this?
7595270a-0283-41b7-a4e5-a110c737faf6.gif
Like cut off like this?
4025cb56-c844-4b91-88fc-647c62ae494e.gif
Yeah. Morty, the truth is, maybe you shouldn't empathize with me.
568c4243-d3a6-4f58-9525-d7803ab45dda.gif
Putting this thing in your head made you ignore my behavior.
135db865-2425-492b-8c43-24ef999bbfae.gif
But being cruel is a danger signal,
2cc9c3eb-ebb3-4e97-90c0-4baedc972ea6.gif
and you need to heed those red flags so you don't get hurt.
abbcb1f3-2c97-4add-be78-eaa178e9882e.gif
Are you saying you're a piece of shit?
8c5718d9-33b5-4387-b16c-b8754dc702d5.gif
Yeah, I guess so.
3d22fa40-83f4-4143-ad4b-b6eed3752a60.gif
I guess that's okay.
99bbf282-880a-448d-a294-f9210aea2042.gif
I wish I could enjoy this.
2f704ddc-e480-45b2-8f21-252497d3876a.gif
No hard feelings.
320b2151-eed7-48c7-a503-9115f0c8187d.gif
Was that supposed to make me feel better?! A pun?!
a6ab6c74-7fe7-4771-b1a9-108859949521.gif
A student slashed my tires.
8d067b92-20b7-4814-98ef-592270c5b763.gif
Another one filled my desk drawer with period blood.
8a76ebf0-b947-4cfe-a81b-e827caab2fd9.gif
It's gonna be okay.
48f16656-f3aa-487c-8497-46e6a3c3dd84.gif
No, it's not! I make $40,000 a year.
17601e3d-e9fc-4398-b54e-606bfcb66a28.gif
I'd pocket more money if I was in prison.
5dbcbf58-5b0b-41c9-a2ae-5e6fa5487558.gif
I see you, I see you.
fe22d873-9ddf-4268-abcd-a9d7f3077e57.gif
What the fuck are you talking about?!
91334e63-40e9-4e2e-9e53-9b8eb6995708.gif
Did you even see the other side of this drawing?!
f5d5c6db-30cc-4380-ae3c-1b0e93448cda.gif
It's a death threat!
f0f094f1-9c1b-4059-8fc2-997d080b11b2.gif
What are you shushing?