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Home » Rick and Morty » S09E08 — Rickuiem Mort a Dream

Rick and Morty

Season 9, Episode 8 — Rickuiem Mort a Dream

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Rick and Morty
Episode title: Rickuiem Mort a Dream
Air date: July 12, 2026
Director: Douglas Einar Olsen
Top billed cast: Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke, Ian Cardoni, Harry Belden
Hold still broh. It'll make you nice broh.
Source: TMDB
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'Sup, baby?
baby
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Let's do some liquor science.
liquorscience
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Um, hey, Rick.
rick
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Rick!
rick
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Rick! Are you ignoring me?
ignoringrick
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Hey! Hello! Rick!
rick
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Did you go deaf?
deaf
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No, no, no, no, no!
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Oh, my God!
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- Morty! What the fuck? - I didn't... I didn't mean to!
fuckmorty
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What the fuck?!
fuck
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Tell me why you ignored a sign that said "do not disturb."
disturbignoredsign
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I... It's not important.
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It better be. You just destroyed my distillery!
destroyeddistillery
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So either it's an emergency, or it's important.
emergency
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And it better be real fuckin' important
fuckinreal
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because this was the most important thing to me today.
today
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So what did you come down here for?
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I was wondering if you could drive me to pick up some Pokémon cards.
cardsdrivepickwondering
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I'm sorry.
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Have you ever seen me happy, Morty?
happymortyseen
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What? Uh, I mean, not really.
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Well, I've been happy in my life.
happylife
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And, look, there's no point on the chart
chartpoint
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where my joy intersects with your presence.
presence
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Then why hang out with me?
hang
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I don't know. When I found you, you were bait.
baitfound
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When I killed that fish, maybe I should have cut the line.
fishkilledline
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Because all I have now is a fucking worm.
fuckingworm
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You told me that wasn't true. You're just trying to hurt me.
hurt
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Morty, no. I meant...
meantmorty
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Fuck!
fuck
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God damn it.
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This would be the perfect time for a drink.
drinkperfect
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Pressure reader, fermentation chamber, copper lining.
chambercopperliningpressurereader
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Wow, Morty blew all this up?
blewmorty
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- What's a mash tun? - Just get an empty beer keg for that.
beeremptymash
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I'll also need 60-gallon drums.
drumsgallon
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Okay. Up front, I'm gonna buy myself some shit
front
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since I'm running your errand.
running
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- Deal. - Can I get a little surprise?
dealsurprise
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No. The Amex automatically blocks you, Jerry.
automaticallyblocksjerry
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How does it know I'm using the card?
cardusing
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Because of the kind of stuff you buy.
stuff
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What do I buy?
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- Dumb stuff. - Dumb stuff.
dumbstuff
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Computer, replace potato.
computerpotatoreplace
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The only Grimaldian potato in the galaxy
galaxypotato
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- is here. - God damn it!
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- Let's go. - No, thanks.
thanks
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You're just gonna yell at me.
yell
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Morty, what if I told you I have a thing that'll make it
mortythatll
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so you never hear me scream at you again?
scream
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Wait. For real? What kind of thing?
real
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Rick, what the hell?!
rick
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Rick, what did you do?
rick
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It's a Sympathid, a species
species
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that generates unlimited empathy in its hosts.
empathyunlimited
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No matter what I say or do,
matter
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the Sympathid will gloss over it
gloss
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like a Disney edit of a slasher movie.
disneyeditmovie
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Here, watch. You're a worthless piece of shit, Morty!
mortypiecewatchworthless
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- I'm so disappointed in you. - Rick, fuck you!
disappointedfuckrick
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I can still hear you screaming.
screaming
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Okay, it must need to burrow a little bit deeper.
deepermust
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There we go. Let's try again.
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You're a piece of sh...
piece
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...work, Morty!
morty
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Like a golden retriever. A Rick's best friend.
bestbest-friendfriendgolden
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And when I call you a disappointment,
disappointment
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it's because I believe you can be so much better than you are.
believe
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How's that? Pretty good, huh?
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It nibbles on your empathy centers
centersempathy
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and poops out something much stronger.
poopsstronger
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- Wait. It eats my empathy? - Don't worry.
eatsempathyworry
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We'll only keep it in long enough to win a potato together.
potato
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Wait. We have to win one. How do we--
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By dancing with the stars!
dancingstars
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Hey. It's okay. Focus on my hips. That's where my center of gravity is.
centerfocusgravityhips
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I don't know, Rick.
rick
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You've got this. I believe in you.
believe
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You two are up.
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And now performing "Clair de Lune: Epic Remix" from
epicperforming
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the Godzilla: King of the Monsters trailer,
godzillakingmonsterstrailer
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Rick Sanchez and his partner Morty Smith.
mortypartnerricksanchezsmith
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Huzzah! A triumph in movement.
huzzahmovementtriumph
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Rick, I did it! I caught you!
caughtrick
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I knew you could do it, buddy!
buddy
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Congratulations, newest champions.
championscongratulationsnewest
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Here is your reward.
reward
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f9a8a28d-fef2-4155-97fe-14d14cbfeba6.gif
One perfect Grimaldian potato.
perfectpotato
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And did you see when we nailed that triple spin?
nailedspintriple
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Your timing was metronomic, Morty.
mortytiming
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And then when I caught you--
caught
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Oh, all of that was the Sympathid, wasn't it?
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9a86fda1-58d7-447a-b4d3-80c4cc87002c.gif
- Did we actually dance or-- - The dancing was real.
dancedancingreal
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The trust, the connection, not so much.
connectiontrust
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It was real nice to-to feel like that with you.
real
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Well, it can't stay in there forever.
forever
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There's a bit of a comedown.
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What kind of comedown--
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I feel like shit.
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Wow, it's so nice outside.
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Stop guilting me!
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Oh, my God. This is our fifth Home Depot.
depotfifthhomehome-depot
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I'm tired of depots.
tired
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I'm not going home without those drums.
drumshome
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It's the last thing we need on Grandpa Rick's list.
grandpalist
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Maybe we should have done all the Rick shopping
rickshopping
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before we went Summer shopping.
shoppingsummer
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I wasn't going to miss out on that Gucci x Kellogg's drop.
dropmiss
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Also, I didn't know everyone was gonna be out of 60-gallon drums.
drumsgallon
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What the shit?
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That dude's hoarding all the drums!
drumsdudes
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Why is this guy such a drum hog?
drum
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I'm looking for the Petco. My dog needs--
lookingneeds
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Oh, he's a serial killer.
killerserialserial-killer
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Jesus! We go to rescue that girl.
girljesusrescue
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We got to call the cops.
cops
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Are you kidding? Those drums are evidence.
drumsevidencekidding
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The cops will take them all.
cops
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I need you to follow my lead.
followlead
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These hatchbacks, huh?
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Uh, is that a dead girl?
deadgirl
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You got me. Thought this rug would do the deed,
deed
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but it's clearly not working out.
working
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Now, those are a good idea.
idea
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Wish I'd thought of 60-gallon drums.
drumsgallonwish
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Yeah, yeah, they're kind of industry standard.
industrystandard
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Is my face red? Amateur serial killer here.
amateurfacekillerserialserial-killer
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Uh, you think maybe I could buy a couple off you?
couple
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Sure. Uh, retail price is 75 bucks.
bucksprice
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f417fd12-ec43-49e6-9639-3ac26f4e6524.gif
Oh, thanks. Saved my night. Uh, here, I've got 100.
nightsavedthanks
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Uh, I don't have any change.
change
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That's okay. Keep it.
↓
398a8647-3104-4a1e-ad7a-fda3e381a4f3.gif
No, no, I'm a killer, not a thief.
killerthief
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Look, I've got plenty of change at my place.
changeplaceplenty
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It's right down the street.
street
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We got to save that girl.
girlsave
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d80fd1e0-36ed-43e5-80ad-9ca5c5300c34.gif
We got to get those drums!
drums
↓
fd3930a8-ca74-4316-875d-41373632f689.gif
Hey, dipshit, get on the bus so I can make fun of you!
dipshitfun
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05df6296-377b-4883-96e0-e11a887d6e90.gif
You've got the body of a 14-year-old boy,
body
↓
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and I'm gonna beat the shit out of that body.
beatbody
↓
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Bully is life! I'm gonna make you so fucking sad.
bullyfuckinglife
↓
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Yeah. Okay, pal. Good luck with that.
luck
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4dc62bb1-6e81-429e-ae91-9359b58b69e5.gif
They're paycheck to paycheck,
paycheck
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3b49133e-f0ff-46da-a2c7-19630d06be7d.gif
but they keep voting against their own interests.
interestsvoting
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I see you. I know how much pain you're in.
pain
↓
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It's not your fault.
fault
↓
3ba19f14-ee4e-42cf-bead-283bd5efb598.gif
And that's why the Boston Tea Party
bostonparty
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sparked the American Revolution.
americanrevolution
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Holy integers! A raised hand.
handholyraised
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This is why I only teach math.
mathteach
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History classes get you canceled.
canceledclasseshistory
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I just wanted to say
wanted
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d8841bb9-4f2e-47f9-b005-68e2e5568c0b.gif
that this history lesson looks a little different
historylesson
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when you empathize with all the parties involved.
involvedparties
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8c0757f1-6902-40c3-9998-4c3df9676237.gif
You take a smart pill? You're too wise for a child.
childpillsmartwise
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bbbea510-5562-4550-aa28-92b4dee56cb3.gif
Next time I have to sub, maybe you should do the teaching.
teaching
↓
39da4589-5ecb-4e23-8cce-f5c126ce65bc.gif
We should talk about the real issue here, Mr. Goldenfold.
issuereal
↓
572f4757-062d-429d-9a07-ad87e445c3c0.gif
Your ex-wife. Call her.
wife
↓
aa036b6d-cd1c-4648-a51d-fbd644d78d05.gif
You might not get another shot, but you'll at least get closure.
anotheranother-shotclosureleastmightshot
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I wish you were my son.
wish
↓
3fb2ad2a-1a7d-4808-bfd4-ee6e624d4209.gif
Hey, can I talk about how I was bullied in high school
bulliedschool
↓
def6ed03-6d77-48df-a920-6c3432e4c7c3.gif
because of my last name?
name
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There's time enough for everyone,
↓
da429137-8bf7-43fe-a5f6-71432b7406c6.gif
Principal Vagina.
principalvagina
↓
9b3a2567-3e81-448e-8aaf-6e4bdc1dc322.gif
Thanks for waiting. I had to unload the stuff.
stuffthanksunloadwaiting
↓
4d709956-7b00-40e3-88c5-8ec8a1052f60.gif
- Tea? - Sure.
↓
3e48f241-b691-47b9-8860-6dab83c59420.gif
Uh, I don't have to be worried about this, do I?
worried
↓
f228580f-a3a4-42ba-b0af-fef62cb7bffa.gif
I don't know. Do you?
↓
b2b34c68-1f3c-468f-8a1e-6cd58642a5b1.gif
Let me get you that change for the drums.
changedrums
↓
008017d4-acd0-40e4-8881-5614a06a4c13.gif
Hello? Please let me live. I'll do anything!
live
↓
aad7206d-f3db-453c-8ae4-af7624b3746b.gif
Oh! You're alive.
alive
↓
2d099c57-695b-4f0b-a399-8f4ff79b7f77.gif
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Help! Help!
↓
eab18c30-ca2c-45dc-9f70-8197e605aefd.gif
Okay. Uh, yeah. I'm gonna get you out of there.
↓
825263c7-ffd9-4ede-8668-f4dae57b3bd0.gif
Thank you. Thank you!
↓
c1b827fc-0dea-428d-a385-9ea11c3b9bd6.gif
If you help me get
↓
e5fc6f86-6c80-42ad-bfec-58754cdd5e29.gif
- these 60-gallon drums out of here. - Huh?
drumsgallon
↓
0626f404-4523-4715-ac80-28bda58fd54c.gif
Got to say,
↓
d91007fd-ebbf-4af5-ac1e-7ea968acd15d.gif
you don't seem like a serial killer.
killerserialserial-killer
↓
99bc4a4a-bc23-4a3e-b12a-c5f010c612a9.gif
I-I promise I'm a nightmare person.
nightmarepersonpromise
↓
09fb754a-bc59-409a-b2e8-b05b748cfa3b.gif
The worst of the worst.
worst
↓
df298a08-eae0-44cc-b4c2-c19b18d25e8d.gif
Really? What's your signature?
signature
↓
4ff4cb82-ecc1-4b22-b76f-74bebae984b7.gif
Ah. My signature.
signature
↓
1b6962cc-0e40-4006-b362-4d7660b5fe1e.gif
Uh, what's yours?
↓
1a0fca30-95dd-482f-89d9-e59d0171896e.gif
I leave a cat toy in my victim's pockets.
pocketsvictims
↓
578f535f-c4be-4857-bcb6-32873bdcd051.gif
That's why I'm the Cat and Mouse Killer.
killermouse
↓
08b2df49-f636-44bc-9d43-b63cfa4dd84d.gif
Well, I pour honey in the hair,
hairhoneypour
↓
df3bae00-673e-41b9-a640-ce1f3384431e.gif
and then I take, a bunch of flour
bunchflour
↓
5befefe8-07f8-474e-ab18-73512978265a.gif
and kind of mash it in there too,
mash
↓
41207814-a506-402f-90da-b6407324e4f2.gif
and some sprinkles and a balloon,
balloonsprinkles
↓
151ba019-e36e-401f-92bf-81927fad6e9a.gif
and, like, I make a card that says "Happy Birthday."
birthdaycardhappyhappy-birthday
↓
d4e16bbd-6b9f-46b6-89a4-404861aceec8.gif
And then I wrap them in wrapping paper,
paperwrapwrapping
↓
4b873919-8784-4437-99d7-0d197ec92375.gif
and that's why they call me the Birthday Butcher.
birthdaybutcher
↓
ba09f380-cee2-446c-8c0e-708576e768b2.gif
I kill them on their birthday because that's a double kill.
birthdaydoublekill
↓
4d606c55-8979-4e81-93ea-f30888efade2.gif
You know, the death of the child
childdeath
↓
23859fdf-e009-44b1-8f4c-ec4a0044dabe.gif
and the death of the parent.
deathparent
↓
bb55a924-edbb-4873-8ec0-580fee405a5d.gif
The parent who metaphorically dies
diesparent
↓
e1df7212-70af-44c8-8b90-74f62dd9c1ff.gif
when they become a childless, regular person again.
becomepersonregular
↓
45e42bbb-9342-4cf7-b641-2985f84fbcab.gif
It's two in one.
↓
43a91171-b664-4600-9e4b-fab8feab1514.gif
And when I kill twins, it's four at the same time.
fourkilltwins
↓
7c479a9a-3263-4a39-bb45-7b5b1a652d46.gif
Oh, there's real darkness in you.
darknessreal
↓
800774ba-d931-4127-89dd-e89e0d62744f.gif
Hey, Rick. I've been thinking about our boundaries.
boundariesrickthinking
↓
c326197a-0624-4932-ab9c-3014fbae85ba.gif
And you're right. I shouldn't just walk in
walk
↓
f8ecb2ff-b52c-469a-8198-bf8dcb431611.gif
and expect access to your time and attention.
accessattentionexpect
↓
ca6ba174-8e77-41e7-b1de-3bd794b14ff7.gif
What a pleasant surprise, Morty.
mortypleasantpleasant-surprisesurprise
↓
567e261a-ef93-47f7-bb40-f8d5be47b5dd.gif
I didn't expect the Sympathid to have lasting effects.
effectsexpect
↓
25e8fdd4-cdd9-4304-b816-9efd5b34b94b.gif
Well, I'd like to bring our trust up
bringtrust
↓
fcd3c132-ddac-4a7b-9d51-5b61dd67c7e4.gif
to our good ol' Rick and Morty baseline.
mortyrick
↓
f0feebf1-d197-48ff-9bf8-69e193005d82.gif
It's important that you feel appreciated and seen.
appreciatedseen
↓
d0bbb6ba-24b6-4abb-b6f5-b2faded16ae5.gif
Point is, I'm gonna focus on finding balance
balancefindingfocuspoint
↓
ec7399c9-5354-4430-b815-16c3c8f89541.gif
between my needs and what you want.
needs
↓
ca1d9235-ee91-4be9-bd86-80fcfcfbe586.gif
Well, I want that thermometer.
↓
ef2168bb-4091-4d81-9be0-60f025b70ec7.gif
Easy!
easy
↓
825b171f-3080-4012-b18a-ef546f56d81a.gif
Do you mind if I take this? My grandpa needs it.
grandpamindneeds
↓
0ba64fdd-7733-4d12-82d2-3fe1602af45f.gif
Ah! Kaboom!
↓
a48a639a-b98c-4cab-bdc2-d214fc6dc513.gif
Aw, look at the little guy!
↓
c3091d31-29f3-45cf-bd4c-df2dd2452eed.gif
- Morty, your arm. - My arm?
morty
↓
d0b8b3bc-f26b-4aff-9455-8dbb2f8235ce.gif
Yeah, buddy. Your arm.
buddy
↓
6f067023-5c76-4e8f-9923-b8d60fb4721c.gif
What's up with my arm?
↓
a14e8112-bade-49ea-b8b7-31e440a361a1.gif
Oh, do you have the Sympathid in right now?
↓
49f374f6-a3be-48f8-9a73-f13e2b73ae4c.gif
I don't know, maybe. Is that a problem?
problem
↓
85eb1978-188d-4c6c-83c8-e1d7c03fb335.gif
How long have you had it in?
↓
3844c176-8f8e-4958-a895-817d61fff3ba.gif
Rick, it's making this, us, the whole thing work.
rickwhole
↓
a5a94bdc-2acb-4aed-9bd2-b75b61c47b39.gif
I got to take a look at it, little guy. Okay?
↓
4b71bc48-e132-4da4-b396-8613ecfaf636.gif
- Oh, Rick, that tickles. - Hold still, you...
ricktickles
↓
c2006394-5821-4f77-9e7e-f8cf5c1a0ba5.gif
moron!
moron
↓
f5e4ac5b-2031-43b0-afa0-ab2ff783fc96.gif
What the fuck have you done?
fuck
↓
63b906d0-16f4-4c4f-a9d9-c5d431cc8bd0.gif
You thought you could let an alien parasite
alienparasite
↓
7a3da02c-3c5b-44a5-8af5-2e1670c0dd88.gif
feast on your brain without consequences?
brainconsequencesfeast
↓
1d397b88-0c4c-4600-a6fc-95cf7d5994fe.gif
Where are we? What's happening?!
↓
7599d45d-ec7d-487b-88c9-afab4739e93c.gif
Why is my arm over there?
↓
ee3c5b41-99e1-447c-b272-347680a18e56.gif
You sympathized with an explosion, you dumb piece of shit!
dumbexplosionpiece
↓
31a74ae7-77ba-4ee1-b51a-c686166bcc8f.gif
Morty, see that giant brain crab?
braincrabgiantmorty
↓
e1fbd610-4c1d-4051-a886-f7d46d95d655.gif
- That's your fault. - Oh, fuck off.
faultfuck
↓
d9ca5dd5-48c8-428d-a66b-cd4c7861acdf.gif
- Fuck off? - Yeah, Rick.
fuckrick
↓
cd180c73-14a9-46bd-b5e6-1478a27bde86.gif
"Oh, you ruined my morning!"
morningruined
↓
c06484b9-2d8b-40b9-afaf-cc19b8482d25.gif
Get over yourself, you dumb dead-wife-having bitch.
bitchdeaddumbhavingwife
↓
f9dc3da6-d1f6-40c6-b731-c3a81e2bc09c.gif
Okay, your empathy centers have been digested.
centersempathy
↓
22f98c4f-12b7-4449-9e9c-3993e6e8fd87.gif
You literally can't empathize.
↓
819d3cf4-d7fe-46be-9db2-7fb47d6c0b5b.gif
Oh, so I'm you now?
↓
52db5064-eb62-4bd9-98c3-1054468dd802.gif
Quick, get me a kid so I can insult the shit out of him.
insultquick
↓
1d15be97-eca9-42b8-a88e-62c8f97d34d0.gif
All right, okay, maybe I leaned a little hard on the shortcut
hardleanedshortcut
↓
9a064410-396a-4bd4-b38e-6629c419b1fd.gif
when I could have just talked to you.
talked
↓
6beccc12-a72e-4fda-b711-9f8a35eedd8a.gif
What difference does it make? Nothing matters.
differencematters
↓
f336fde1-7d1f-4471-aa58-4c6091170163.gif
Yeah, but I try not to be ghoulish, Morty.
morty
↓
1d61acee-8d14-4088-8656-21cefdadba44.gif
And this counts as ghoulish.
counts
↓
ffa02c8e-c5b0-4c4c-8ca6-a609cc3cadf9.gif
So you can empathize, you just don't want to.
↓
05b1b206-4782-434c-820a-930d04a1f494.gif
I'm old. I'm allowed to squeeze in some efficiency here and there.
allowedsqueeze
↓
c9f3a969-9f03-41f1-b76f-e699914b97ef.gif
Oh, shit, Morty!
morty
↓
de6d663d-0e93-4031-97bd-ecb812db43f9.gif
Oh, we're gonna die. We're gonna die!
↓
88a73290-148e-4e10-9623-da16554b9e58.gif
Hey, this is on you for walking up to a scary guy
scarywalking
↓
cd8b8665-d02d-45ad-8de0-5c2599ab1847.gif
and asking for directions.
askingdirections
↓
74391edb-dfce-472f-b135-6dee8f2f3cb1.gif
Oh, that's worse than a victim-blaming teen
blamingteenvictimworse
↓
e941539e-6c5f-4d33-aadd-f370a77cde92.gif
obsessed with murder drums?
drumsmurderobsessed
↓
92651059-8dfc-4839-9511-6086fa0fc89a.gif
So help me God, if you fuck this up,
fuck
↓
7167aecb-2f63-48e5-a27c-b52aa9dd3666.gif
I'll start screaming, and he'll come out here.
screamingstart
↓
ff581c68-e1bb-421e-8839-ec12216eac71.gif
- You're a terrible person. - I'm not even here, lady.
ladyperson
↓
0d874b35-a490-4c6f-a69f-aff0f4352eb2.gif
And if I'm not here, you're back at the bottom of a well.
bottom
↓
d734be7d-0fb9-46fb-8ff8-977a65bfb8ff.gif
Don't even start unpacking this shit because it's airtight.
airtightstart
↓
9279bfed-d233-4ce7-be3c-5a13b3fa640e.gif
You're not even another victim?
anothervictim
↓
470ac279-65d1-40d7-ae4e-3820f7548869.gif
You came here on purpose?
purpose
↓
3e432450-9830-4792-8dc5-b934e30b51a2.gif
Your side is low. Lift your side, bitch.
bitchliftside
↓
621f14c3-6db8-4e99-a913-864e17e16786.gif
Oh, no, no, no, no.
↓
afd6fb23-b673-47ef-bd5b-424f3d476f54.gif
What the hell? That girl looks just like you.
girl
↓
cef38b8f-b80e-44fc-94c7-cb98a8578787.gif
Yeah. Yeah. Uh, that's my daughter.
daughter
↓
f0082992-ce4d-4c44-b5c6-8d49ec2dcd97.gif
Wasn't she in the rug?
↓
9fe33bc0-df78-4c77-9109-ec483b101540.gif
Looks like she's alive!
alive
↓
15808753-024c-4fd7-93c0-92cd7a34f87f.gif
Jesus Christ, you were trying to kill your daughter?!
christdaughterjesusjesus-christkill
↓
b33b9913-01b6-43b8-a1b1-261a057f5efb.gif
That is fucked, man!
fucked
↓
93e2adb9-6d13-4044-aa4d-620bd28e3bc6.gif
Oh, thank God.
↓
66e9ecb4-cc52-4067-8770-2635415fcc52.gif
- You called the police? - Yeah.
calledpolice
↓
26e15a5b-b50c-4e18-9ede-bb97b78b8f2a.gif
But you're a serial killer. You're crazy.
crazykillerserialserial-killer
↓
878e2ab1-356e-4bd7-9044-e101f58d6b19.gif
I thought I was until I met you.
↓
c6836c4a-e64f-4172-8874-9378dbd42ef9.gif
I'm here for the girl.
girl
↓
177897df-d35b-45ff-aed4-b238dd93c4d2.gif
I'm not letting you touch her, man!
lettingtouch
↓
b9ee04e3-239b-4b1e-aebb-b13fc6b2feb1.gif
Help! He's gonna kill me!
kill
↓
879fe0c6-59b1-44cd-9872-d19ae95340b8.gif
- No, I'm not. I'm a normal guy. - Come out with your hands up.
handsnormal
↓
473e1586-110e-4596-bdd5-5096b9551550.gif
No normal guy could come up with the stuff that you said!
normalstuff
↓
f441c46d-f6ab-42ea-92e6-c41b33ac1b97.gif
I'm only here for your drums
drums
↓
31d20755-586f-4143-97da-9a634dc183d9.gif
and to rescue that girl, if I can convince my daughter.
convincedaughtergirlrescue
↓
744af6c9-6f49-4734-9059-cea6f2225300.gif
So you made me call the police on myself?
police
↓
2fcedaef-19c8-4e51-9ffb-89690089cca6.gif
Come back here! I'm gonna kill you!
kill
↓
7b9bc803-0e67-4429-bc3a-e6ac91273a4b.gif
They said the '70s were full of serial killers
fullkillersserial
↓
d01688c6-07aa-4e91-958e-230bc2b91d6d.gif
because World War II fucked up all their dads.
dadsfuckedworld
↓
21435b05-9a3e-4829-a029-9b00efba2237.gif
But you know what I think?
↓
5614db5e-228e-4985-9014-1458d044e92a.gif
- Sir-- - I think it's in our DNA.
↓
0e8927db-0e83-4429-988b-5237206ce609.gif
I think you and I are two bad lattes away from getting out the knives.
kniveslattes
↓
e777115b-c705-4229-89c3-30e74dc6b958.gif
- Um-- - We're all animals.
animals
↓
5f2a49be-f4eb-4422-953c-a3f184c02c0f.gif
Fuck! Fuck!
fuck
↓
3a7f5e71-2745-4b4b-9f98-8a7c7a91679d.gif
I wish this tire was my head!
headtirewish
↓
f88fb301-fb98-4128-8049-d83555864eee.gif
Get the battering ram.
↓
cd460ae3-96b4-4522-b62c-d66b2950551e.gif
I can't believe it's my fucking birthday.
believebirthdayfucking
↓
61ecc2f5-0cb9-4c0a-ba20-87e9396dd9be.gif
I don't feel good.
↓
258d4683-84fe-45c1-9070-0c9d1bdeaf72.gif
Okay, we got to get you out of here
↓
8293ce47-ec1f-4f0a-9608-a3a7ec54b31d.gif
and get that thing out of your head.
head
↓
292b5b0a-7775-46f8-b088-73da976da7c9.gif
Fuckin' bug is making me feel
fuckin
↓
cdf08b70-c067-46ac-b079-92c12081553c.gif
a lot of feelings, Morty, a lot of feelings.
feelingsmorty
↓
a748be95-2aa0-4a86-ab6f-c7efec343a02.gif
I know what you want, Morty.
morty
↓
a1d495b6-1db5-4ab2-aad0-a89969cdc78c.gif
Come here, come here, come here.
↓
c4272c02-d518-4945-9ee9-0411601f25e5.gif
Grandpa's got a nice kiss for your forehead.
foreheadgrandpaskiss
↓
ee471d64-27d3-4079-8e7b-c55911cf0d01.gif
Grandpa should be giving you hugs, not turning you into a trash can
givinggrandpahugstrashturning
↓
ea994550-a1ea-44ac-8ece-ff1e10aa4ba0.gif
when I'm too lazy to walk across the room.
lazyroomwalk
↓
4b6ee9e4-157a-4119-9de3-f64bd39a6fac.gif
Wait, when was that? Fuck! Here they come!
fuck
↓
754b0bc1-4a87-40ac-af42-02aed39ae34a.gif
Oh, no! No, no, no. His juice is coming out.
comingjuice
↓
ef130121-0472-467f-94cd-ad4290b2fd37.gif
Oh, Morty, we got to put his juice back in.
juicemorty
↓
e5e37476-90ec-49d0-9b72-a553f5e0b577.gif
- What are you doing? - I got to call his family.
family
↓
ab6f4fd7-55ec-429a-bb28-ef2fbe4005a8.gif
Rick, this isn't the time!
rick
↓
00d9bdca-59d3-462a-b41e-a933c37c1b42.gif
Mrs. Gorbleflax? I'm sorry. Your husband's dead.
deadhusbands
↓
a918f85b-4000-4574-8997-6e9e8b5469c4.gif
Give me the fucking phone.
fuckingphone
↓
859aac6d-3457-4d18-8acc-f4a552fcbfc9.gif
He lost all his juice!
juicelost
↓
dbe0f7da-7115-4d65-b3e0-9d86b44737a7.gif
Oh, my God! We got to make so many phone calls!
callsphonephone-calls
↓
65221b04-86b0-4efa-bd29-c1ecd2cee779.gif
Hurry up. I get it, Rick.
hurryrick
↓
338e1189-d5f5-4153-9ff6-cf916fdde8a1.gif
I get how frustrating it is to try to get things done
frustrating
↓
70f078cd-bd05-4ec8-8c0e-5a4e34ded33e.gif
while your sidekick shits the emotional bed.
emotionalshitssidekick
↓
407c5fc2-ed68-43c6-8db8-c823b25037cd.gif
I got to clean my car. So much broken glass.
brokenbroken-glasscleanglass
↓
dc06451f-62b5-49c2-8b09-f15b6da6eb31.gif
Set destination for Earth!
destinationearth
↓
644f9c6c-f2e0-4ec1-99d3-cf2e9cffba66.gif
Is that a used syringe on the floor?
floorused
↓
b55f048b-6882-409a-9ba9-c6032f2f7e9e.gif
What will people think?
↓
345a346c-fcd6-481b-93d0-6dc79c13669c.gif
- What's your problem? - What the hell? What's your problem?
problem
↓
660e295e-b56a-4330-bf6a-6e225cf51fac.gif
- Put Grandpa Rick on the phone. - Not now.
grandpaphonerick
↓
f8e84dc1-fedb-4067-9950-3aeb73d597c1.gif
There's a brain crab in Rick's head
braincrabhead
↓
0072647c-84a0-4801-a963-213016577399.gif
that's making him into a Hallmark movie.
movie
↓
3bd0586d-0405-4e18-b489-c5f3fcc44281.gif
Every piece of paper has an animal locked inside.
animallockedpaperpiece
↓
b9f65d9e-7d32-4c44-a3fb-1a552650d8d7.gif
Well, Dad's about to be killed by the police so...
dadskilledpolice
↓
6aa7d02e-64a0-4408-8e86-930bf495d6e9.gif
We can get another dad.
another
↓
45e9e4be-5eeb-4aac-88db-9ff43653f94e.gif
- What? - What?!
↓
69fa4812-fd7f-4910-82af-b74897d17163.gif
Wow! Look at the stars! We're in space!
spacestars
↓
7c94bde4-35e5-45ce-9602-886e37c772d7.gif
Morty, I don't know what the hell is going on.
morty
↓
feded1d9-b6cd-42a5-ad4e-9e35204e01f5.gif
Get over here now, or I'll make sure whatever happens next is worse.
happensworse
↓
6e84dc68-7cb0-43fd-9546-4b6f472a9a3f.gif
Fuck! Fine. Set course for Summer.
coursefucksummer
↓
de5d2e91-4fd6-4a0b-9605-460251a77713.gif
Grandpa Rick, I--
grandparick
↓
2bcf373a-4cb6-44e3-93bf-236e144868bc.gif
You don't need to prove yourself to me.
prove
↓
7d3e6724-9008-4a3b-8936-323836a797cf.gif
Grandpa loves you.
grandpaloves
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e8d3084f-fe8d-45ca-8646-e06082bb043d.gif
What the literal dick?
dickliteral
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60504245-90b5-4f25-ba4b-70dc2b5beda4.gif
Told you. Brain crabbed.
brain
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923a15bb-aa1b-4684-b4e8-b6ca85569766.gif
- He's in there? - Yeah.
↓
ed86b1a8-7e14-4883-8456-d05c85edcd54.gif
Housekiller Ram is here, sir.
↓
5252441e-e531-44ea-9830-ad442731d0f4.gif
Great. This guy wants a Waco? I'll show him who's God.
wants
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842304f0-f47f-48b2-b0ee-b97f8417c5f7.gif
Hold on. Let me try.
↓
45e0bdb5-6a83-4210-bf7e-745ed70380b4.gif
Dad, are you still alive?
alive
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7ad7f867-2d2d-4317-8a93-eb5de75f7319.gif
Morty! Help!
morty
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86a2405a-10cc-4b5b-b4c4-4ff40f224f7b.gif
I am gonna boil you alive!
aliveboil
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4c5e20b9-3402-48ac-86db-9ac7938b14a4.gif
Kid, you're not gonna talk him down.
↓
8fdf08bd-db25-4577-a83f-5a5b4ca958fa.gif
These kind of guys, they got zero empathy.
empathyzero
↓
8b742c56-3c3a-476c-b20c-d350b9e172d5.gif
Right now, neither do I.
↓
4d1bad0d-a941-4657-9885-44ee7f1a3d47.gif
Excuse me, Mr. Serial Killer, sir.
excusekillerserialserial-killer
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ff78971a-4ddf-4350-a2bf-b8911c760a0a.gif
Look, I know how you feel. I know everything's nothing.
everythings
↓
cc7f4a9e-b459-4ec4-b31d-4bd9fe62f8ca.gif
We live in a world of made-up rules,
liverulesworld
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policed by policies that serve no one.
serve
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3d57d4c1-0c98-4db3-883b-3c21cc639e86.gif
You feel alone, and you don't understand anyone.
alone
↓
5d5fb612-8155-46fd-9167-4279e998963e.gif
But that doesn't mean you can't understand yourself.
↓
cc3389a7-6d51-4947-b0cb-363c3166b92f.gif
I know what I need. I need someone to hug me.
↓
49b45be3-3638-4132-b104-20e1bb807bef.gif
Not because they want something from me,
↓
4e2fd721-a3b2-4b49-9a4d-952980031ec7.gif
but because they just want to hug me.
↓
91457222-4e7c-4e04-bc6a-ecc137a01718.gif
But the world won't give people like us hugs
hugsworld
↓
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unless we tell people what we need.
↓
9a0fb423-b7c4-4af5-a0e4-6ca672e87f34.gif
So if you want a hug, a real one,
real
↓
c1316047-7892-446a-811f-582802d49e98.gif
then walk out and ask for it.
walk
↓
e5568a6c-a9f3-4b35-81cf-fd209d996296.gif
I want a hug!
↓
54fdc02a-d1af-49c6-b980-36fb2fc11673.gif
He's got a knife!
knife
↓
661bc96b-fef8-4908-b028-9e18dfd337cd.gif
- Well... - Morty, I'm so proud of you.
mortyproud
↓
7687ad6b-6e06-49fe-af88-a347f40fb3e3.gif
You did it. And this, sir, is for you.
↓
5efb74d7-9d5e-4030-a78e-9ea691db596e.gif
- Happy birthday. - How did you know?
birthdayhappyhappy-birthday
↓
955f0375-6c29-464e-ab8b-d21fea39ca62.gif
I could just tell.
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21c537cb-a3e7-4a95-9078-898a488bd895.gif
Can I come out,
↓
4c605930-830f-4439-96ca-1320405ebcfe.gif
or are you gonna shoot me too?
shoot
↓
ba990ffb-0e0e-4639-b55a-7fcfb71c214c.gif
Do you have a knife?
knife
↓
ca3e9150-3e2a-47c2-9801-36d66eb0a92a.gif
I technically have a Swiss Army knife in my pocket.
armyknifepocketswisstechnically
↓
456dd2e1-82ee-4376-831c-7f3cc9d88615.gif
What... Was that the sound of an entire police force out of bullets?
bulletsentireforcepolicepolice-forcesound
↓
f2dfa171-958e-4712-8d75-6265f9bc4328.gif
You always feel like this?
↓
7595270a-0283-41b7-a4e5-a110c737faf6.gif
Like cut off like this?
↓
4025cb56-c844-4b91-88fc-647c62ae494e.gif
Yeah. Morty, the truth is, maybe you shouldn't empathize with me.
mortytruth
↓
568c4243-d3a6-4f58-9525-d7803ab45dda.gif
Putting this thing in your head made you ignore my behavior.
behaviorheadignoreputting
↓
135db865-2425-492b-8c43-24ef999bbfae.gif
But being cruel is a danger signal,
crueldangersignal
↓
2cc9c3eb-ebb3-4e97-90c0-4baedc972ea6.gif
and you need to heed those red flags so you don't get hurt.
heedhurt
↓
abbcb1f3-2c97-4add-be78-eaa178e9882e.gif
Are you saying you're a piece of shit?
piece
↓
8c5718d9-33b5-4387-b16c-b8754dc702d5.gif
Yeah, I guess so.
↓
3d22fa40-83f4-4143-ad4b-b6eed3752a60.gif
I guess that's okay.
↓
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I wish I could enjoy this.
enjoywish
↓
2f704ddc-e480-45b2-8f21-252497d3876a.gif
No hard feelings.
feelingshardhard-feelings
↓
320b2151-eed7-48c7-a503-9115f0c8187d.gif
Was that supposed to make me feel better?! A pun?!
supposed
↓
a6ab6c74-7fe7-4771-b1a9-108859949521.gif
A student slashed my tires.
studenttires
↓
8d067b92-20b7-4814-98ef-592270c5b763.gif
Another one filled my desk drawer with period blood.
anotherblooddeskdrawerfilledperiod
↓
8a76ebf0-b947-4cfe-a81b-e827caab2fd9.gif
It's gonna be okay.
↓
48f16656-f3aa-487c-8497-46e6a3c3dd84.gif
No, it's not! I make $40,000 a year.
↓
17601e3d-e9fc-4398-b54e-606bfcb66a28.gif
I'd pocket more money if I was in prison.
moneypocketprison
↓
5dbcbf58-5b0b-41c9-a2ae-5e6fa5487558.gif
I see you, I see you.
↓
fe22d873-9ddf-4268-abcd-a9d7f3077e57.gif
What the fuck are you talking about?!
fuck
↓
91334e63-40e9-4e2e-9e53-9b8eb6995708.gif
Did you even see the other side of this drawing?!
drawingside
↓
f5d5c6db-30cc-4380-ae3c-1b0e93448cda.gif
It's a death threat!
deaththreat
↓
f0f094f1-9c1b-4059-8fc2-997d080b11b2.gif
What are you shushing?
shushing