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Malcolm in the Middle

Season 7, Episode 7 โ€” Blackout

TMDB episode metadata
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Dr. Baxter's Corvette?
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Mrs. Smith's minivan.
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I want to savor the moment.
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Have you seen Malcolm?
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No! And you haven't either.
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I haven't.
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Good. Then we understand each other.
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And you're going to make yourself scarce tonight.
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But I'm cooking.
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Mom and Dad are going out for their anniversary
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and they're letting me pick dinner.
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I'm not eating cereal for dinner!
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Yes, you are. Dad said if I emptied out
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the rat traps in the crawl space,
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then I get to pick dinner.
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That's funny.
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He didn't consult me,
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seeing as I have the fist and you have the face.
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Reese says I don't get to pick dinner.
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He's right. You don't.
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Change of plans: Your mother and I
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are celebrating our anniversary at home.
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We're having steaks.
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No fair! I wiped up rat brains!
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You promised!
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- I didn't do anything! - Shh!
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- No way. - Yes!
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Wow. I've never even seen Kobe beef.
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It's like meeting the Pope,
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but you get to eat him.
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its rump and thighs are massaged by geishas.
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It should be eating us.
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Ohh...
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There's only two.
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This is a once-in- a-lifetime opportunity.
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Mom doesn't get any on her anniversary?
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You didn't hear me.
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I'm telling your mother I screwed up the reservations
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and we're having a steak dinner at home.
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All right, I know you're hiding something,
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but I don't care.
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Shh, shh, shh.
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Look...
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here's a toy.
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See? Fun.
fun
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Wha...?
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Hello?
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Huh.
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It's the whole neighborhood.
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See?
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God wants our evil plan to work.
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- Go. - Hal!
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I can't see anything!
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I'll find a flashlight.
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Oh, would you look at that.
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Is there a single neighbor that lends us something
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that doesn't have dead batteries?
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What was that? I'll check.
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Maybe an emboldened possum.
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Francis!
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- Mom! - What are you doing here?
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I... need a bandage.
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I tripped over something in the garage
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when the lights went out.
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What were you doing in the garage?
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I was hiding from Dad.
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I wanted to talk to you first.
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Francis, your father and I have a joint checking account.
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It doesn't matter who you talk to first.
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No, it's just... you know how emotional he gets.
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I don't want him overreacting when he hears what happened.
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What happened?
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I think my marriage is over.
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That's bad news.
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Of course it is.
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What's going on?
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We've been fighting about everything lately.
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I mean, how do you answer when someone asks,
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"Does your face have to look like that?"
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I put up with her face.
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With that nose always pointing at me.
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Oh, Francis...
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I still love her, I don't want it to end,
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but I just... I don't see how it's going to last.
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Lois, can you come out here? I need you.
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Just don't tell Dad, okay? He'll be a mess
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and I'll end up having to take care of him.
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Okay, I'll get your father out of the way
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and then you and I can talk later.
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Francis, I'm so glad you're here.
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Dad promised we'd all have cereal for dinner tonight,
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and now he won't let us.
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Dewey, I understand.
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And I swear to you by all that is holy
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that you will be eating cereal tonight.
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You can count on me.
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You're not going to do anything, are you?
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No, I'm not.
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But I'll tell you what I will do.
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If you let anyone know I'm here,
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I will punch you so hard in the stomach,
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you won't be able to eat cereal for two days.
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There. Problem solved.
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The bedroom,
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where you, Hal, are headed right now.
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Whoa!
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Mmm. Oh.
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Where did that come from?
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I'm just trying to celebrate our anniversary.
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Mmm, mmm...
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Not just yet.
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I still have some work to do.
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Oh!
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Officer, what is this about?
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You better lock the doors.
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Actually, Hal, you know, on second thought,
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I'm really not in the mood.
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Oh, I see.
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Stoke the flame.
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Oh, I like the way you think.
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Hello?
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Malcolm! For God's sakes,
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we've been looking all over for you.
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What? Wait, slow down.
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I can't understand what you're saying.
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Are you drunk?
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- You are drunk! - Who's drunk?
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Malcolm. He's drunk at a party 100 miles down the freeway.
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Now we both have to go down there, pick him up
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and drive his car back.
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Oh, for God's sake!
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You know what would teach him a lesson?
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If we made him wait until after we ate dinner.
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Let him stew in his own juices.
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His own delicious, savory juices.
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Get your keys, Hal. I'll meet you in the car.
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All right!
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Malcolm...
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you just stay right where you are.
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I hate children.
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So clever.
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It'll take them two hours on the highway,
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an hour to figure out I'm not there,
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and then two hours back.
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So I'd say I have about five hours left to live.
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How about we make it worthwhile?
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- That stupid fish! - Malcolm!
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Crap!
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- Malcolm! - Crap!
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Wha...?
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Hello?
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Huh.
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There it is. Sweet!
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This is going to solve all my problems.
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Piama. Hi, baby. I found it.
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It is even more beautiful than I remember.
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I'm going to grab it and go.
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They won't even know I was here. I love you.
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Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
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Ah...
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Jamie, go get the stick.
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Jamie...
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Oh, did the blackout scare you?
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Listen, pal,
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I need the batteries from one of your toys.
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Where's that frog that used to shock you in the bathtub?
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Hey, Lois, can you come out here? I need you.
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What's this?
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I thought we were going out for our anniversary.
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Honey, this is going to be even better.
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We are going to stay home
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and have Kobe beef.
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Okay, I thought you'd be a little excited.
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Ah, I'm sorry, Hal.
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I'm just a little lost in thought.
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A friend at work is having, um...
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marital problems.
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And that's very sad.
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But we are going to have Kobe beef.
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Reese is going to prepare its flesh perfectly
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because he thinks he's going to get some to eat.
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But he's not.
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Isn't that great?
โ†“
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That's a good scheme. You bet it's a good scheme.
โ†“
350283ce-e58c-4ede-bd22-b485d2bd73e2.gif
Do you know where my apron is?
โ†“
18c5306a-93df-4462-b1cc-624d936885df.gif
- I washed it. It's in the bedroom closet. - Ah.
โ†“
9e58b5de-1c3f-4b79-9e4e-78824bf4e552.gif
The bedroom!
โ†“
adc4947e-b4a4-444d-9638-7b6c46c16b17.gif
Where you, Hal, are headed right now.
โ†“
ba6ffcfa-49f4-4efd-9cef-61dcd53bb6f0.gif
Oh. Oh...
โ†“
6e2e58cc-63e1-4f4f-bdda-f9ea5ce1e80c.gif
Mmm... mmm...
โ†“
6490f082-cb5c-49a2-86b8-ee0d440e5fa2.gif
Oh, where did that come from?
โ†“
e906aff5-a0c3-4b84-8832-a7998f236d5b.gif
I'm just trying to celebrate our anniversary.
โ†“
1e0fecf6-1717-4722-aa8f-d10c84e10622.gif
Oh! Oh!
โ†“
c1006716-0b3f-41e1-8bd2-812e749ef8ef.gif
Francis!
โ†“
084bc533-8e37-4398-b674-4dfc1d957910.gif
Mom!
โ†“
af923da7-7acd-4172-83c6-12b4db030614.gif
I don't have a lot of time,
โ†“
dd7a7868-636e-435e-a7e9-3e976176fd22.gif
and I want to talk to you about your marriage.
โ†“
18c9cbd6-d837-4a2a-8e74-d9f96bfcd1a0.gif
Oh, yeah, great.
โ†“
81890fea-3a52-4f66-af76-8681959ba52d.gif
Love to hear what you have to say.
โ†“
130e88d2-21c0-4980-b01d-458a86dfd2fd.gif
Have you and Piama thought about, uh...
โ†“
81aa0645-8482-4388-a53b-6bd3af56ce8b.gif
spicing things up?
โ†“
e707336b-1032-451e-8b85-cab0077d4a46.gif
What?
โ†“
12e7c8ea-208d-41b1-a266-27d3fb1fdc59.gif
Francis, if it isn't right in the bedroom,
โ†“
6cefed2a-3662-4f69-9a8d-8c1991b1380e.gif
it isn't going to be right anywhere else.
โ†“
1ddfe97f-6edb-43f9-8ad2-d1ca8b1d2832.gif
What?
โ†“
50679095-ca84-49f2-922a-658f9a89b9bc.gif
When I say "the bedroom," I mean sex.
โ†“
3e5392d8-010f-4f8a-81b3-220ba9a7b727.gif
Yeah, I got it.
โ†“
3c914980-74c2-4de1-bd7b-0fa070ba94d5.gif
Francis, marriage isn't mental.
โ†“
923f941b-98d1-4e88-9228-79346cfea20d.gif
It isn't even really about feelings.
โ†“
2afc2c1b-4c9c-4395-8f8f-b0258b45d895.gif
When you get right down to it,
โ†“
6569dc1f-0472-4f0f-b06a-1510376a96a8.gif
it's a sloppy, sweaty physical act.
โ†“
9c543005-e7c6-4a09-a006-3897fb48af70.gif
Now, your father may have flaws,
โ†“
1ea2b75b-8938-4fd9-afcd-8474a476f47c.gif
he may not make a lot of money,
โ†“
c74021df-9171-439e-913c-118444f73dcf.gif
but he has never been other than
โ†“
29f7c866-b34f-4c80-a4a0-48d21d57ae42.gif
a rigorous and challenging lover.
โ†“
66421709-a82e-4742-90a1-e1ef819b5081.gif
- Mom... - Can I be frank with you?
โ†“
a81d424a-eace-44be-ac36-522e98958588.gif
No!
โ†“
f7b550bb-3925-48f2-ada4-be918dc24d4e.gif
Do you remember sometimes in the morning,
โ†“
ccae4dfd-f459-4525-8946-3f1857296abc.gif
I'd forget to put juice in your lunchbox?
โ†“
b5f0ef54-57ad-47d9-bf17-76c47729fe14.gif
I was lucky I could remember my own name.
โ†“
e0df1aaa-680d-4a71-9a16-ecfbcb2933b7.gif
Uh-huh.
โ†“
7007ca83-9034-4344-9ac3-b8d839a7fb5b.gif
Because, when your father gets down to work,
โ†“
db6710cd-aa86-46eb-979c-7b4b5f686b4c.gif
and is intimate with me,
โ†“
45110ec5-f814-401b-98e2-aa78d09c8294.gif
he is like a skilled general invading a country.
โ†“
27cbd308-f792-485e-b7f6-6bc6cdea6028.gif
He doesn't just launch an assault by sea,
โ†“
77aed7a0-01ba-49d2-9123-595d256a03e1.gif
he uses paratroopers and columns of infantry.
โ†“
1d9c6b01-d89d-4ef2-9889-dd079d62fa4c.gif
And even secret agents.
โ†“
1211f6c5-8326-47d8-8fb6-f41842aec71f.gif
Honey, good for you. Get it all out.
โ†“
1f5a1ca4-4782-4dc1-a2c8-0f761167d801.gif
We can talk more later.
โ†“
64654232-7c3b-4005-8275-d990c956a9de.gif
I'm willing to propose a compromise.
โ†“
5dbc6ccd-e3af-4386-8fb7-d05efe2a1ea9.gif
Dewey, give it up.
โ†“
6a02cfa7-b8c7-44e1-86ec-2b31ce534396.gif
You'll never get anything you want.
โ†“
21e0323e-c834-4939-b30b-1a496bc77384.gif
We have to get rid of Mom and Dad.
โ†“
5663cb20-506b-48e8-ad6d-189f66920e84.gif
Don't worry about it.
โ†“
a1b5bfc4-9639-4c6e-ba73-b4f358a169d9.gif
I am worried about it.
โ†“
e88628d7-a2a5-4dad-9bec-0af80a0fc0a6.gif
Those Dutch girls won't hold forever.
โ†“
9ffc784f-ba36-47fe-857c-09d250dee115.gif
Dutch girls! No!
โ†“
779c7b0d-d207-4127-8882-b009cd2d06ce.gif
Stay, Dutch girls, stay!
โ†“
d9a5a0e3-4a1f-4fb3-bbe7-7bf0148b7944.gif
We didn't have fun.
fun
โ†“
b76ac0a5-2849-432c-8410-ee3071da9914.gif
American parties are supposed to have DJs and African-Americans.
โ†“
01b113db-d94e-482b-ac83-1d16c264d966.gif
I'll get you those.
โ†“
ba7a3607-f354-4b5f-85f0-91da356e80de.gif
We are leaving.
โ†“
d0e67029-f3dd-4c7d-aa94-4a13920aaa35.gif
If we wanted to be bored, we could go to Luxembourg.
โ†“
e9bd314c-9c07-487c-a8c8-9afa5e789aa0.gif
You can't go.
โ†“
7cfc0686-3cb6-4bb0-9a81-127684c17fcf.gif
While you were in there, a rock star called
โ†“
2569a37b-fa3e-4ef6-9bee-1f6ce5821fd1.gif
and said he's going to come over.
โ†“
59f1f690-e8b9-4a95-8017-0fca07b8a5ab.gif
We don't blame you for our bitter disappointment.
โ†“
405b642d-73d1-46f0-87b7-49b1171da45e.gif
You don't know how to overcome
โ†“
140dfc79-f21d-47a7-a5a9-0067eb0f1fa7.gif
your country's Puritan heritage.
โ†“
cd31b278-ab35-41f9-a02b-e7a25d84dfbc.gif
I can learn! Teach me!
โ†“
a95e3338-dd1f-4116-957a-1997afed3eed.gif
Good-bye.
โ†“
c01a33f7-d988-4577-b861-5fecfbeec706.gif
No, no, no, please, don't leave.
โ†“
7526a1ae-7c7d-4073-abc4-f0cc7d3e6534.gif
I'll lose face.
โ†“
acb2cdc9-ad7c-4289-843f-eb0052a8fe4f.gif
In American culture,
โ†“
4502244b-8bce-4bdc-8cc0-b6a627903aed.gif
if I say I'm throwing a party and my guests leave,
โ†“
4e35b6fa-4677-4894-85b7-42022f8c4a42.gif
then I'm humiliated.
โ†“
ef7a7d5c-0eb4-4eae-a981-73e9e219b72c.gif
And I have to prove myself in combat
โ†“
82084033-7da4-4d18-88b6-7a9cf4c8fdde.gif
against the mayor.
โ†“
d62c30e3-e17a-44e6-aa9d-f8a8292a16f2.gif
I might die.
โ†“
869fce75-970d-40d4-b887-5d12b4c52e84.gif
We know your story's a load of crap,
โ†“
1ae6ce4b-61d3-4363-9a48-4d0ec3a968df.gif
but we think you're cute, we'll stay.
โ†“
e45d8254-e4e5-410a-a45e-2f5b94e91726.gif
But if we are not drunk in 20 minutes,
โ†“
abc2973b-d75b-469c-9241-0172423ad7b4.gif
we are leaving.
โ†“
9467f254-6d96-4f32-bc76-8474655a890d.gif
Thank you so much for being reasonable.
โ†“
3e983314-d56c-4824-a4de-04fa8eb50144.gif
Just go back in my room
โ†“
79357bb3-32f8-4726-bfa3-3f0e36c76c80.gif
and, uh, stay out of sight.
โ†“
d31f60a9-1d4e-455f-b4ad-ca1f3cbd9bc2.gif
This won't take long, I promise.
โ†“
cd03330b-e4ec-479a-9708-6d71a3968d6c.gif
Dude, I can't believe you admitted
โ†“
efbf0e4b-3eb2-4363-8f5d-c28f12cb970e.gif
you're afraid to fight the mayor.
โ†“
bb4652b7-2ff7-4a50-81d2-82f8b9fad509.gif
What are we going to do about Mom and Dad?
โ†“
952153ac-c445-469b-930d-b42051828b50.gif
- I've got it covered. - How?
โ†“
2dfadbde-67fc-46ce-a88e-570df1ce1048.gif
Let's just say that since people started
โ†“
763df5a9-0aa0-471a-a5bc-58a752d68dc0.gif
getting prescription drugs in the mail,
โ†“
1e0cfbe3-eccb-4969-b6a4-e0f03e169b61.gif
it's opened a whole new world of possibilities.
โ†“
ac042906-6475-4001-b503-5942379b3672.gif
Remember when Dad took away my Gameboy,
โ†“
ca72a212-683d-47ab-855f-f7971d947733.gif
and then he fell asleep at work
โ†“
4c19c5f1-652a-4271-8bc6-feda1a36d461.gif
and he thought he was going to be fired?
โ†“
aac21aa2-c253-4d03-8ad0-8c5d3140f567.gif
Tuna salad with cumin and allergy medicine.
โ†“
e7695dc3-4d16-4929-bdc3-4a30aff44124.gif
Reese, do you know how crazy and dangerous that is?
โ†“
b40e6973-c23a-49e0-84cb-ad06fef9aae1.gif
Even you wouldn't poison your own family.
โ†“
6a21296f-b4b4-4388-8c85-9627ef09c8d0.gif
No?
โ†“
1228c37e-5ac9-4375-b0a5-d5c66523da07.gif
Malcolm, last month,
โ†“
9f092068-c64d-4fab-9339-b90a9053de10.gif
when you thought your watch skipped
โ†“
66e97118-fd8e-4bb0-966f-eb47ece73ebe.gif
from Wednesday to Friday...
โ†“
200b1fee-c4c6-40cb-a31a-f3130ce6651e.gif
it wasn't the watch.
โ†“
2ca2efac-ef84-43a7-bbd2-e025c4c3cde1.gif
Okay, I've got a plan that isn't insane.
โ†“
63ede195-e6e8-4429-b3a3-25ee3d7000a9.gif
I'll make a call to get them out of the house.
โ†“
e00a7e3a-92f4-44e0-bc84-9ea83ed9bf39.gif
Oh, here comes Dad. Just keep him occupied.
โ†“
bc828842-682e-4e96-81da-7d6844960730.gif
How are the coals looking?
โ†“
428c80e5-dd33-451d-b08e-ddf143ceee88.gif
Almost ready.
โ†“
9430078e-2c42-45eb-883e-1f22608a0900.gif
Oh, okay. Let me know.
โ†“
77833b33-f1b5-48ce-ab06-b4b3605a8eb3.gif
Dad, wait!
โ†“
6ad65839-4e04-4087-b670-8f31c2cb932c.gif
What?
โ†“
66ab25d1-4106-4d09-bcdb-b51bd670b9f8.gif
Where do babies come from?
โ†“
35413c3d-c1ad-4856-a991-3587fba63a02.gif
Reese, I'm sure we've talked about this.
โ†“
39044449-5365-4164-9757-38f436b79bbb.gif
Yeah, but I'm blanking. Two guys, right?
โ†“
9f60b221-53c0-40fa-aa0b-0cabb0dac01e.gif
You know, we can talk about this later.
โ†“
b3077af4-879f-4b2a-9afa-40eccc760b5e.gif
You better get that phone. It sounds like it's for you.
โ†“
df7e6342-c09a-4690-b7dc-b371fd41f0ea.gif
I hate children.
โ†“
debffbb2-8460-47b1-af61-5d1a89e014eb.gif
Francis? Francis?
โ†“
8e7a9b09-4fe6-4e66-8463-71fc4b77a852.gif
I had another thought for you and Piama:
โ†“
ff0e00dd-eac1-4701-8b3e-fe26f4bdf2c8.gif
ballroom dancing.
โ†“
e92a0f44-7bf6-4ed2-a174-5fb7eb038347.gif
Oh, that sounds great, Mom.
โ†“
93c78def-f924-4074-9148-1d84d579acc2.gif
But you know, your advice from earlier, it...
โ†“
0a62c1ac-590b-4f08-b189-4d9aa13c5893.gif
it really helped out, so I think we're going to be cool.
โ†“
3c0e99af-01e1-4b01-8f79-9e50d5d54331.gif
That stupid fish?!
โ†“
b83f7583-f7a7-4fd8-81de-9719aa42a69a.gif
- Malcolm! - Crap!
โ†“
a634a346-ab4d-46dd-8bf4-a37528df198a.gif
That stupid fish?!
โ†“
bb50d31e-715c-41c5-8f51-90a5ac3d2e2f.gif
- Malcolm! - Crap!
โ†“
16b771b1-83ee-4174-bd17-1d185d5cb800.gif
Wha...?
โ†“
a4199445-e950-46e3-a91f-aa0837793f4a.gif
Hello?
โ†“
aeabddcc-7c74-4041-83e3-9fa314bd2e4f.gif
Huh.
โ†“
f4af627a-5908-4543-97b0-8c8947c29222.gif
8Come on. Follow me. This way.
โ†“
1e883898-9b46-43b4-80f9-10809ebc3922.gif
Movies are wrong.
โ†“
cd1accc2-06c2-4808-b451-0f9378e93806.gif
America is not a fun country.
โ†“
f4f06bb7-5d14-4cfc-9aa9-21d39c1e6924.gif
The public transportation is underfunded
โ†“
66354b39-e300-43cb-bc43-c3d42ce012cc.gif
and you can't drink beer in the library,
โ†“
bb328329-8371-493f-9485-978d58cf2336.gif
and now the lights are out.
โ†“
25d48050-d286-4ed4-9519-c161260ad2c8.gif
This country's also full of lying fathers
โ†“
602935a8-96fb-4423-b5a6-0e5a730ac56e.gif
who say you can have cereal
โ†“
985de771-f026-47e5-a75e-22f0bf6c39f2.gif
and then make you eat steak.
โ†“
f22f7650-6bb1-46b4-82c8-89b2cb6d712d.gif
I promise you, you'll have fun.
โ†“
fd9cce73-8455-48b1-89d5-eeb5fbf5b3d0.gif
Dewey, shut up and get lost!
โ†“
92baa7c8-d031-4480-959a-e040463bd7c7.gif
If you understood our culture better,
โ†“
3d76615f-3410-4f84-bb24-16468f07daf3.gif
there's no way you'd be here.
โ†“
c5c3faf1-866f-4b98-b1a5-0c41b97febca.gif
It's not going to work.
โ†“
84b5eba0-9f7a-4a95-ab28-d4026fbb7680.gif
Mom and Dad aren't going anywhere.
โ†“
4106c56b-1523-4766-bf45-bb41c2a241ef.gif
We're going to have to do this another night.
โ†“
e6743505-d2e1-400a-ba12-5a0377a27c0c.gif
There is no other night. They're going home tomorrow.
โ†“
87bb5245-e7ab-45dc-9d59-53148c8b6541.gif
But there is a blackout.
โ†“
5da5ecb4-82c0-4597-bff2-d7a0801174f7.gif
What are we supposed to do
โ†“
98d1a796-d41b-4026-95d5-049f617570ae.gif
with a bunch of Dutch girls in the dark?
โ†“
d9cba5fe-6d3d-4531-a35b-2bf23a25f5f5.gif
These girls are from Amsterdam.
โ†“
460442b4-43bc-407b-9a8f-8415fd2d1789.gif
They don't even have a word for virginity there.
โ†“
83e48fbd-5e6f-44dd-acba-60d29096051d.gif
Is there a high-speed train available to take us to a "juke joint"?
โ†“
ed11943b-484f-4da4-9b68-db5f3cfddfcf.gif
We wish to experience typical American culture.
โ†“
4db9751a-95d0-45ed-8020-4fd455559d77.gif
And you will. This is a very important part of American culture.
โ†“
87ce59f3-271a-46bc-9289-3a532927e3fb.gif
Which is getting the parents out of the house.
โ†“
72a0015d-55f6-4e45-95d7-ef619f576e64.gif
You know, teenage hijinks.
โ†“
d6158983-72ba-43c6-925c-a524d2034a80.gif
In Holland, parents enjoy for children to have pleasure.
โ†“
4138e638-9df9-4b19-b7e7-cf518ccb51af.gif
I know, it's crazy.
โ†“
7e2bccb8-de40-4160-b5b3-2f6fafe6cf5b.gif
And yet, we rule the world.
โ†“
75862240-7fe1-4611-8c4c-9c11e1a45191.gif
Okay, Malcolm,
โ†“
7029f56c-c057-4347-bd12-1f21e37f44f7.gif
your arrogant American attitude has charmed us.
โ†“
9fc639bb-47f5-4c1f-a99b-e0bb38116757.gif
There will be alcohol?
โ†“
516aadfd-ae20-4c0e-a197-fb9c8b86cc24.gif
I promise. You just go and wait in our room,
โ†“
c9aedfc4-006a-43c7-8a24-fbb98bd470cc.gif
and we'll get it all sorted out.
โ†“
07708a57-9cc3-4ee9-9604-d5813807fbd8.gif
I get the easy-looking one on the left.
โ†“
7b14be59-12dc-41d8-adc9-dc2cc99af047.gif
We all speak English.
โ†“
987ba5bb-8fda-445f-b0c4-c4170b8e9970.gif
I know.
โ†“
266a8564-3ba2-4e21-9eff-3ebbedfe222a.gif
Come on. Come on.
โ†“
b210bea6-cdfa-4fc0-bdc7-bd0b3990fc97.gif
Let's go.
โ†“
ec8bcb94-9166-4e24-a625-3d559677ab07.gif
Just because it's drugs doesn't mean it has to taste bad.
โ†“
91540fcb-9c90-4d18-ade6-1a6f579b7449.gif
Ooh!
โ†“
6af4e6b8-6cd6-4401-b972-05f497bb1415.gif
Mm-hmm...
โ†“
925b2ca8-8e5e-4b8e-900b-4d474f61ed71.gif
Uh...
โ†“
ed92a880-d46c-4a36-8ccc-8c7fff2de1aa.gif
Okay. Okay.
โ†“
e61d2466-594e-427b-83d2-fd31943e795d.gif
I hate children.
โ†“
be72f1c0-d233-4cc1-867e-92c7a4b0e264.gif
I can't believe it.
โ†“
660b2989-2ab3-4a41-be36-94e5db9cc9bb.gif
Your mother and I-- well, all of us, really--
โ†“
9f925834-1b5f-4935-8738-0b44c94ab050.gif
are missing the greatest beef in the world
โ†“
917739c0-b91d-4355-a2c8-83109077fa3c.gif
because your brother Malcolm is drunk!
โ†“
5ef376a2-5ff1-4be7-9fd6-589eb5d3703e.gif
He's not drunk, Dad.
โ†“
efb94dac-83c5-41de-a267-fa41e6524edf.gif
He's hiding under his bed with Dutch girls.
โ†“
52220b37-3a89-4399-ab77-1a9492f77615.gif
Don't cover for him!
โ†“
0ae02a62-cebe-49a8-8eba-c2df17e00c00.gif
Malcolm, you're such a big man
โ†“
65236855-256f-44f1-bef3-4a2639bb32da.gif
when you're getting drunk to impress your friends.
โ†“
5a7fa362-fd25-47cf-9a0e-c9fcc0113bb2.gif
But when it's time to drive home and take your punishment,
โ†“
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it's "Oh, Daddy, come save me."
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- That stupid fish! - Malcolm!
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Crap!
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You're here!
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Kinda.
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You lied to me.
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You're not drunk at all!
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You lied to me.
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- You're not getting divorced. - Sorry.
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You sold out your wife and your marriage and got me all...
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- Excited, Mom? - No. Upset.
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All so you could steal your father's fish!
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You can't steal what belongs to you.
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I reeled it in for five hours.
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He just swooped in at the last moment and gaffed it.
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You said if I ever called and said I was drunk,
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I wouldn't get in trouble.
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That only applies if you're actually drunk!
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That was ten years ago! Why do you even care?
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It was between me and some guys.
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What guys?
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They come around the pool every day at 3:00,
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talking smack like all I do
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is hang around in the pool all day,
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and I never did anything with my life.
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So I told 'em about the fish.
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And they said they didn't believe me!
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Man, I can't wait to see the look
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on Jason Sullivan's face!
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3:00? How old are these people?
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Good point.
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A 12-year-old should not be lecturing people
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about how they have or have not lived their lives!
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You're trying to impress a 12-year-old?
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Not trying to. Going to.
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I don't want this dead fish in my house. You can have it.
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But once I help you, you know what you have to do.
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Learn not to care what other people think?
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Get a job!
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Yeah, that'll show 'em.
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I am going to decide your punishment
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on a full stomach, Malcolm.
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- Malcolm?! - Francis!
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You lied about being drunk?
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What are you doing with my fish?
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Dinner!
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I don't know where you get it, the dishonesty.
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We are your family, and you betray us.
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God, this is so good, Reese. Thanks.
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You know, Malcolm, I would like to reach into your ear
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and tear out that part of your brain
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that makes you do things like this!
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Smoky.
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That's the mesquite.
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I don't even know what's happening in my own house.
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Really good, Reese.
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Hey, thanks for your piece, Dewey.
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- You sure you don't want any? - No, thanks.
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That is so nice of you, Dewey.
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At least we have one boy we can trust.
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I taste?
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You don't want that.
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Reese made this special sleeping sauce for Mom and Dad,
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but I thought the whole family deserved some.
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Mmm! A typical American dinner, no?
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- A special American dinner. - Mmm!
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- More Charms? - Danke.
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Mmm, the frosted moons and stars
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are both magic and also delicious.
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Mm-hmm.
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I can't believe they promised it to you
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and then just tried to take it back.
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Forget about them.
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Let's just enjoy our time together.
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- Hmm. - Hmm.