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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S04E02 — Humilithon

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 4, Episode 2 — Humilithon

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Humilithon
Air date: November 10, 2002
Director: Jeff Melman
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
High school's first day vexes Malcolm, who acquires an unfortunate nickname; and Hal, a parental "volunteer" running afoul of authority.
Source: TMDB
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ad0fcbca-9ae7-4ade-acc1-542fd9d5ac26.gif
Hello.
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79824004-16d2-4e1f-b78d-182f60619954.gif
Dad, hi.
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Oh, Francis.
francis
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How's the new job? Oh, it's good.
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I'm learning all kinds of new things.
kindslearning
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I got lots of responsibility.
lotsresponsibility
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I'm actually making some good money.
money
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Hey, good for you.
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Dad, listen, I know I owe you guys a lot of money
money
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and I want to start paying you back.
payingstart
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f30941a5-8b1e-48c1-b469-c6dcfaa31930.gif
So I'm sending you $50 this month, and then my plan is...
monthplansending
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What do you need $50 for?
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No, I'm sending you $50.
sending
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Francis, I can't spare $50.
francisspare
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No, I'm sending you the money...
moneysending
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Just give him the $50. We have to go.
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All right, your mother says it's okay, but we have to go.
mother
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Let's get inside before Mom and Dad see...
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Ah, the golden boy has returned.
goldenreturned
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Release the doves.
dovesrelease
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Hi, Mr. Herkabe.
herkabe
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And you must be Reese.
mustreese
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cd25d910-d0c1-4e8a-bdc2-83de36d29e16.gif
I have been
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thoroughly briefed on you,
thoroughly
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and if you do one thing wrong,
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I'm going to go medieval on your permanent record.
medievalpermanentrecord
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Ask yourself, whatever happened
happened
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to the old dean of discipline?
deandiscipline
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Mr. Herkabe.
herkabe
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Good morning. It is so exciting
excitingmorning
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being here on the first day of school.
school
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Yes. It's like being at the cockfights
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before they open the cages.
cagesopen
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So the two hours a day-- does that include travel time?
hoursincludetravel
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Because there was a lot of traffic.
traffic
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So, you'll be handing out health forms
formshandinghealth
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and you... report to the North Field.
fieldnorthreport
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Can't we do something together?
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Let me check.
check
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Uh... no.
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But don't we both feel better knowing we tried?
knowingtried
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I am so sorry.
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I'll have your horse ready in two minutes.
horseminutesready
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We're a little shorthanded today.
today
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I had to help make breakfast.
breakfast
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You'll be riding Sparky here.
ridingsparky
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I'll get him saddled right up for you.
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Would you like a croissant while you wait?
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Oh, sure. Good morning, Francis.
francismorning
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What a beautiful day.
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f7e86d6b-f930-4706-9ae3-3ec1b13f0cc5.gif
Otto, can I talk to you?
otto
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Yeah.
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How is your lovely wife?
lovelywife
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You know, you should start having babies right away.
babieshavingstart
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And you must breast-feed.
breastfeedmust
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Yeah, listen.
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What happened to Bill and Andy?
andybillhappened
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Neither one of them showed up for their shifts today.
shiftsshowedtoday
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Bill and Andy are on vacation. I thought I told you.
andybillvacation
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Well, who's supposed to be covering for them?
coveringsupposed
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Let us have a look.
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Ah, here.
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You see? Alex and Dan are filling in.
alexfilling
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No. You let them go fishing until next Wednesday.
fishingwednesday
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Otto, I think it's wonderful
otto
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that you're so accommodating,
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but sometimes you just have to say no.
sometimes
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I mean, you're running a business.
businessrunning
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Wait a second.
second
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Is that the same dog from July?
july
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North Hall, two-six.
hallnorth
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a1096b69-4806-4d47-b874-a6b9e725e469.gif
All right, it's okay. I'll find it. It's cool.
cool
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Is this the North Quad?
northquad
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a08adc12-be8f-4546-956b-11b3ddc216cb.gif
Oh, man.
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Malcolm!
malcolm
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Malcolm!
malcolm
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Hey, silly, we're over here.
silly
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Malcolm.
malcolm
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Have you looked at these
looked
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Rorschach tests they're calling maps?
callingmapstests
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Yeah, they're confusing, but do you guys
confusing
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think you can talk a little softer?
softer
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I'm ready...
ready
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to cry.
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They're not to scale.
scale
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b9be7ec1-4c11-4515-88fa-8a78e18aab28.gif
How do they expect anyone to use a map that's not to scale?
expectscale
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cf768e52-de00-4228-8892-60e55787499b.gif
Guys...
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Come on, this is exciting.
exciting
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d833ac15-b575-4f29-8fe1-7649d7bb85c3.gif
I mean, I'm so disoriented.
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f1ab9297-f310-4ab5-8ca6-c71bf80dc31e.gif
Keep me away from the heavy machinery.
heavymachinery
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Where are you going?
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I told you we should have taken a dry run last week!
takenweek
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But, no, "Dabney's an alarmist!"
dabneys
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Well, now look where we are!
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Fill out both health forms and your emergency contact card.
cardcontactemergencyemergency-contactfillformshealth
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bb9e1c42-3ca0-412d-ac16-f79e886a51b3.gif
And feel free to button your top.
buttonfree
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46840748-1835-4250-9cd3-2688306390b6.gif
Boys like a little mystery.
boysmystery
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490b29f1-b1e1-4630-a743-84879da62cff.gif
This is fun.
fun
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d0c8e23d-abcc-4ec9-8685-afa11e6e0d31.gif
I don't know why we avoided this for so long.
avoided
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ec8d6e30-f1ca-43da-a8da-99091cc7a9f6.gif
Mine!
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843719d5-a73f-480b-a7a0-557fc9974a66.gif
Mine.
↓
a390acfc-e30e-4931-9e06-214036a23182.gif
Okay, so yesterday wasn't too bad.
yesterday
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bb2db5af-c0ab-41d3-8c35-e707e8700cea.gif
I didn't make any new friends,
friends
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but I did manage to avoid all my old ones.
avoidmanageones
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I'll make it up to them once I'm popular.
popular
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d1f47804-6662-45b1-ac98-187bc9edc639.gif
Who am I kidding? No, I won't.
kidding
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Malcolm!
malcolm
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d277b419-d618-46b2-9b20-1f6ea7bfdbc5.gif
Malcolm!
malcolm
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13621616-3a8c-4930-8a9a-88106d7b33d0.gif
This is the spot
spot
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where we'll meet for lunch, okay?
lunchmeet
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1068af3f-99af-4687-a480-a43ba79f9048.gif
Malcolm, did you hear her?
malcolm
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37257391-1153-4a1b-821a-a6d9c49aae41.gif
Here you go. Thanks.
thanks
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24405441-fb20-4d1d-a08b-04e32d3090c5.gif
Hi. I can take over from here.
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f94cce7f-57d5-422e-b294-d2e6e07c9e5c.gif
Thank you very much.
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8253a2fa-f47d-4ac5-ac05-1939301e2375.gif
Excuse me. I can't use this book.
bookexcuse
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0ed9deb0-81bf-4a67-8692-6649e47bf66d.gif
I need to switch.
switch
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c8df9e8c-86df-4906-a9dd-85e716a02ba9.gif
What did you do?
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a08fec63-35a1-4970-b7cc-264df8cdd7c7.gif
Nothing. I... You can't bring the book back in this condition.
bookbringcondition
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dfb74132-e02e-49fc-92ef-766926a034b2.gif
No, I just got it like this.
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a7408dd4-804f-4df8-87c8-d2e085681d65.gif
I don't think so. If you want another book,
anotherbook
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you're going to have to pay $40 for it.
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9dc9f5ee-912d-402d-9d00-72fc25e661a7.gif
Next.
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Mom, you have to talk to this lady.
lady
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She won't let me return this book.
bookreturn
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Oh, my God.
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93708abe-4262-4024-8745-c9e02f76acdd.gif
What did you do to your pants?
pants
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a59678bf-4359-455b-9bd1-c3bfb72a0d0d.gif
What?
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616ef879-45a4-47e5-b108-c26ae14e07fa.gif
Oh, for crying out loud.
cryingloud
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f6532634-9dbd-41b2-bc4a-23ac1d83bf6e.gif
How did you get a stain there already?
stain
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ef70b68f-ed2f-4a1b-bd29-a374feb09fc0.gif
Mom, come on.
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68881e5d-59e2-459d-90e2-a15c08a17564.gif
It wasn't there this morning.
morning
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861972de-1775-4cfa-97c0-91ed25ddb3a5.gif
Mom, stop. It's no big deal.
deal
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9cf362b8-ff92-47ea-8dae-2292c85fe60b.gif
No big deal?
deal
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45aceef9-1257-43d7-a32a-1acdb518ed88.gif
You begged me for these pants.
beggedpants
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e0026ed1-ba9e-4f79-96c8-4084ae7e071c.gif
You almost started crying in the store when
cryingstartedstore
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I wasn't going to buy them
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for you, and now look what you did to them.
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8f25210e-15b1-46a4-a80a-45ad9d42a915.gif
That looks like that's coming from the inside.
coming
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3edfd2c9-64f9-4c55-a3b3-cbfb3da41bc9.gif
Mom, leave me alone. You're embarrassing me.
aloneembarrassing
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ade07596-33c6-4ab1-b460-c6e2c2221fac.gif
Oh, I am not embarrassing you.
embarrassing
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0d47f9d1-70b0-4466-9343-ce74d328a441.gif
Would you be embarrassed by this?
embarrassed
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4341df58-01c1-4a3a-90b2-3f6df79d4b6f.gif
No. See? Come on.
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f47c2a84-cfce-4e30-9f18-2561a33c9015.gif
See if we can find some club soda and get that out.
clubsoda
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Justice...
justice
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afc26674-a135-411a-b95c-3dc1516fa1b9.gif
is swift.
swift
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7b33fd67-93eb-4688-ac26-351e12824806.gif
I also think we should we have
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meat loaf on Mondays and not on Tuesdays
loafmeatmeat-loafmondaystuesdays
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so we can have an extra day of meat loaf sandwiches.
extraloafmeatmeat-loafsandwiches
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9ee66d81-3f27-4a7b-84c3-015637a9375e.gif
I also think the table should be in front of the TV
fronttable
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ec3b3552-19d5-4853-b2e7-91dbbf86eb9a.gif
and the couch should be in front of the refrigerator.
couchfrontrefrigerator
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d9642f0e-aef8-4790-be8f-ea4ac9b892e2.gif
I also think
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e6c68c87-e270-47ea-9577-95df2650c4e2.gif
there should be hand-me-ups instead of hand-me-downs,
downshand
↓
f7313891-358d-48ec-a4bc-1ead66ddee07.gif
I think kids should be able to steer,
ablekidssteer
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b5b5f322-6336-4bcc-9f74-182ea5c063c9.gif
and I think school should be only four hours a day
fourfour-hourshoursschool
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6be84e30-9d76-4b5d-826a-8033d613ad5b.gif
and should be held on top of the building.
buildingheld
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2bdabfbc-2f1d-4856-869b-06fa790e892a.gif
I also think...
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04a2e4f3-1b95-42e2-b86f-e7512f463038.gif
Okay, Angela comes back tomorrow.
angelacomestomorrow
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258300e3-6619-437e-b3af-9b492f3b5b92.gif
So she can cover for Todd on the nature hike
coverhikenaturetodd
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and, that way, Todd can help out in the kitchen
kitchentodd
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209aa32e-168e-4ffb-9f8f-54259ffa893c.gif
which will free up Sonja to do the hayride.
freehayride
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ac43a73e-227f-4116-94bf-9b9701e62bee.gif
That is such a good plan.
plan
↓
c780d689-36ad-4fe6-9b0e-46bdf68e8350.gif
Angela's vacation is over, right?
angelasvacation
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acf3185d-53ec-42d3-8200-e8f3b4df285c.gif
I extended it.
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8f36782b-132e-449b-ae6c-499739ee1463.gif
It rained her first two days.
days
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d8220e17-b397-43cb-927f-5e051b5f80b4.gif
Kiss your mint.
kissmint
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feab42b1-4306-4ccd-a0d1-84cc6fa31684.gif
Okay, got to make up some ground.
ground
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4c8f1c47-56ad-432b-8446-e8cc3a0826cd.gif
Here's what I'm going to do--
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40fb55f9-8d4b-4016-964e-9921ae4edbde.gif
be the first freshman with a girlfriend.
freshmangirlfriend
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a7d49009-5a76-4ccd-9ca1-001f4618120b.gif
It's worth a shot, right?
shotworth
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6b399684-4006-4dd6-b29f-00896806b7e6.gif
I was going to give it a few weeks before asking someone out.
askingweeks
↓
3e9e7749-497b-4cce-a1a9-ee0da46ea87f.gif
Wait till I liked some girl, she liked me... whatever.
girllikedtill
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a395ab91-a000-4858-a848-0b275f3068cd.gif
But I'll just move it up.
↓
eec3d0a6-af4a-4a5f-8bcf-6390fb251148.gif
Hi.
↓
3f8ce360-2f97-4753-82db-543941b1608a.gif
Oh. Hey, Stain.
stain
↓
05d14d83-8750-467d-8fd8-406c521e8520.gif
What?
↓
9151ab99-3d38-46c3-99ae-fd60a4c9b9fe.gif
Hey, Stain.
stain
↓
fed1773a-b20e-4739-95a9-699687bf6f81.gif
Stain.
stain
↓
090e0aac-3d26-436d-a56e-e1660a09db1d.gif
Thank you.
↓
4d517114-b2ac-4c59-8444-7e51508a56fd.gif
Hey, Stain.
stain
↓
f8cea0cf-fcfe-4746-ac9b-30ef18d28eca.gif
Yo, Stain, what's up?
stain
↓
31dadf5a-baa2-452a-9939-0c726f33abed.gif
Don't pass out.
pass
↓
477718f2-c019-4881-9265-205f075d48d9.gif
Breathe in through your nose.
breathenose
↓
cfe90540-7dde-4ec7-a9ef-fe512c005872.gif
You can pull this out.
pull
↓
11488ce1-1ac3-402a-9d2e-a5bad6f8d578.gif
Will you be my girlfriend?
girlfriend
↓
6fd48c9c-a22f-4edf-931c-5f0ef8567538.gif
How's it going?
↓
cb8f0d0b-181d-4b24-86f9-44d3c74cbcd3.gif
Look, every bulletin is lined up perfectly
bulletinlinedperfectly
↓
913a38b7-4ff7-4faa-b2e7-d0d21c7970b0.gif
with the one next to it and the one above and below.
↓
677b272a-f461-4c32-ab7b-f4ed3ea78e8e.gif
Thumbtacks just bring out this side in me.
bringside
↓
f86ab85d-5e78-4fa4-9fdf-bbefbf95aad5.gif
Very nice.
↓
2350afad-8b97-427b-8d10-fea68b0bd896.gif
You know, it's weird being back in high school.
schoolweird
↓
68257265-5f73-4571-8308-d1b322cf64fd.gif
But it's kind of fun, too.
fun
↓
59aba9fc-628e-42ba-b557-f3d34610e0eb.gif
Brings back memories.
bringsmemories
↓
c0a81973-625b-405c-8ad1-0cf610ff401e.gif
Yeah. Does it? Yeah.
↓
3fbc5013-c3a7-4da9-93dd-07015c64fe4b.gif
Well! What have we here?
↓
2ddf3a1a-e8df-4833-ad52-1ad8c4459497.gif
Have you finished cleaning up the cigarette butts on the football field?
buttscigarettecleaningfieldfinishedfootball
↓
c993318c-8022-4c53-b70a-15118d093272.gif
I'll get to it.
↓
bf772d9f-42f4-4679-84b4-093507d86ce8.gif
You know, we alone determine
alonedetermine
↓
024b4619-b282-41b9-8a0f-0115445f9bc9.gif
how much we get out of any given experience.
experiencegiven
↓
60780dd2-f868-4b0a-ad35-c2dad56e29a5.gif
I said, I'll get to it.
↓
d5aea48d-da6a-4180-9e7c-07ac5bb84669.gif
Jerkabe.
↓
015c5312-09a8-4f23-b05e-1e739153b918.gif
You're so bad.
↓
1cb7c9b8-485a-4cc2-a6fc-53dc233417df.gif
Am I?
↓
20af8631-570b-4d30-adf7-06cf2e2cf07a.gif
What's that look?
↓
41a05d26-8563-49a4-ab94-d28f6f4c0b68.gif
You're dreaming.
dreaming
↓
91dbaffc-faa0-43ac-85be-c74b028d9052.gif
Forget it. Don't be stupid.
forgetstupid
↓
cf9160b6-b1dd-4d88-9304-49b59760ff91.gif
There are too many people around.
↓
b1263f85-166c-4e55-b73c-b8685a4bfbce.gif
We'd get caught for sure.
caught
↓
cec5f2c4-7856-4c68-81b8-37fbf07021a0.gif
It wouldn't be fun.
fun
↓
05e5cfff-cf0b-4f5c-bdb6-dc36d264b16a.gif
It wouldn't be comfortable.
comfortable
↓
113f0c9e-33bd-4f3a-b8a5-dee423f821a3.gif
There's no good place.
place
↓
25f46128-55b1-47e6-bfd4-778e5193bb00.gif
This utility closet will be locked for sure.
closetlocked
↓
f890907e-d2ca-4a43-89e4-2747810be27f.gif
There's no room for two people in here.
room
↓
5cad6c8e-ec4a-4412-8656-db890b342fc6.gif
♪ Papa loves mambo ♪
lovesmambopapa
↓
629f28ea-faa8-498f-8005-3a75df3227f5.gif
♪ Mama loves mambo ♪
lovesmamamambo
↓
a28dda33-6d66-4ae8-b42a-b3607095db10.gif
♪ Look good and sway with it ♪
sway
↓
4311dfe1-d240-483e-8a22-f7639667bb3d.gif
♪ Gettin' so gay with it ♪
gettin
↓
a8f278d6-2009-46cc-9c75-cc570aa2ef84.gif
♪ Shoutin' olé with it. Wow! ♪
↓
5a8a642f-09d9-4db3-bb00-6c3a88ec3674.gif
♪ Papa loves mambo ♪
lovesmambopapa
↓
834a3b31-6f30-4c24-883b-7c606d67a6d2.gif
♪ Mama loves mambo ♪
lovesmamamambo
↓
3476329d-5913-4c57-bc82-9aeb0c7f1c25.gif
♪ Papa does great with it ♪
papa
↓
62552545-ab32-4f84-8190-dce4e3d08d9b.gif
♪ Swings like a gate with it ♪
gateswings
↓
5fcf2c8d-0d29-4951-8d68-c423a9279270.gif
♪ He loses weight with it now! ♪
losesweight
↓
9583909f-83af-421f-9a91-27095866f662.gif
Hey, Malcolm.
malcolm
↓
45f8d9e6-b596-4f5f-a4b5-92966896696d.gif
I'm the fool!
fool
↓
55b2775f-c6b3-4887-8107-a61a66679aee.gif
I'm the one who thought there was such a thing
↓
cbc398da-cc5d-4f18-be85-0a690c6ac5a9.gif
as kindness and decency in life!
decencykindnesslife
↓
648b8e38-6a34-4b72-adfc-882f824da4f1.gif
Okay.
↓
65a79da4-f2c3-40bd-946e-4224a9479022.gif
Mr. Herkabe!
herkabe
↓
20c79980-7aa1-4102-9d50-418c007ea3ad.gif
Mr. Herkabe, uh, listen, uh,
herkabe
↓
8ec0f799-8c9a-40f4-a577-fc1cca2ea0f2.gif
I've spent the last half hour... thinking,
halfhalf-hourhourspentthinking
↓
e6317fdd-9671-4702-a8b3-c9997c2a1945.gif
and, uh, now that I've had a chance to cool off,
chancecool
↓
a496b7fe-c5d1-4ad4-b12a-102947b76085.gif
I-I just wanted to apologize for earlier.
apologizewanted
↓
707664da-e2b3-4eca-bfdf-dc94e6652613.gif
Oh?
↓
c8ff9a02-8b9c-44a2-beaf-bcabd84141d9.gif
Yeah. I mean, you were just doing your job.
↓
96054542-da4b-4f79-b43b-0777e3803543.gif
Well, your apology is noted and not accepted.
acceptedapologynoted
↓
31963a52-bb9a-4ce2-a6ea-565ff9be16aa.gif
What?!
↓
b328ec92-438f-4b18-8bfe-019743856e32.gif
Come on, I said I was sorry.
↓
becb037e-71e7-4637-9cee-044542b2d507.gif
Well, it's a little late for that.
late
↓
05200135-94c1-4ff8-ab32-def33fac4062.gif
You're hereby expelled from the program!
expelledherebyprogram
↓
2f29c70d-6a9e-49c1-b432-b557688c3442.gif
What?!
↓
e8a0eb7a-15ff-45fa-9f97-b1ac0ba90c6e.gif
Remove yourself from school property immediately.
immediatelypropertyremoveschoolschool-property
↓
85e0df04-57f8-4ed6-8778-39c17db491af.gif
Good day, sir.
↓
406174f4-523c-49f0-898b-4c2c9458bc81.gif
It's just so exciting to be part of something
excitingpart
↓
d5020a6f-e085-4846-a3d7-fe176b52889f.gif
from the very beginning.
beginning
↓
bc6391b9-18a6-46bf-a803-7c5a35598c21.gif
Stain.
stain
↓
3ae30e1b-bf2e-45ac-87e8-7d3f3836155a.gif
It's classic.
classic
↓
542624e8-7fe5-4467-af45-3f532807ef15.gif
It's one of those rare nicknames
nicknamesrare
↓
ee8ec7b3-cfc5-4ac9-b0cd-91b636b7a2ac.gif
that will stick with a person forever
foreverpersonstick
↓
2d0efb2d-1010-4765-8754-4167c63a586b.gif
because they are so perfect in their cruelty.
crueltyperfect
↓
4cbcea91-5b55-4461-897f-253d14d4dba0.gif
Hey, you know what's weird? It's actually
weird
↓
dc356761-37e5-4b9e-83d3-cee9a6d2a6f0.gif
wiping out my memory of your old name.
memorynamewiping
↓
50e2e6d4-3d29-4328-91ab-b413ac835a70.gif
Is it Monty?
↓
fc92eac5-ce67-4a3d-addd-09f41c7da29b.gif
Marco?
marco
↓
60a5dff4-8175-436a-9270-3f072b6ba949.gif
Murgatroyd?
↓
a054e09f-b6dc-4c2b-b02b-f874ce2b40ee.gif
Oh, that pompous little martinet!
pompous
↓
02991496-ea20-45ad-b9e0-e026b83faa80.gif
You should have seen his face!
faceseen
↓
a4a2dcc8-ea5e-4ba1-be20-610c05e5630a.gif
Hal, it's crazy to be upset by this.
crazyupset
↓
d649e596-8297-4440-85a2-951dbc9a044b.gif
You didn't want to do it anyway.
↓
3d92dc06-430c-482f-a985-9e7042fbcd6b.gif
He didn't know that!
↓
d205c226-25d7-4e1a-8838-bfa735b56dc2.gif
That means he thinks he won.
thinks
↓
08de984a-5cd4-4554-ac53-8dfad2b35845.gif
Which means I think I lost!
lost
↓
4471fc5e-ecd2-435a-9a7e-6b9d76353749.gif
But not for long, Lois.
lois
↓
5150fec6-2d65-46ea-9793-d5728eeb8edd.gif
Ho-ho, not for long!
↓
f7ccc9d7-a3b6-4ec8-830e-184373b74af5.gif
I want it delivered at 3:00.
delivered
↓
e7bea4c8-7ec2-40fc-b37e-72bcab90a3bb.gif
I don't mean on the truck at 3:00.
truck
↓
56ad07ec-f933-4db5-9738-2caa983a3c7c.gif
I mean here at 3:00.
↓
b0b972c4-1fdb-45b5-9db1-2459435cf018.gif
Not 3:05. Not 3:10. 3:00.
↓
7158fd30-c8c3-4d5d-be3d-dd5f18c6db85.gif
Good. My son will sign for it.
sign
↓
c1fbb132-df5f-49d1-97f6-a9051fa3512e.gif
Hi. You called for a massage?
calledmassage
↓
0642188d-8927-43bc-b730-ac6b0305d00c.gif
Oh, yeah, yeah, come on in.
↓
eb243b68-19f0-4f00-8632-1be97eae4009.gif
Just set up right there.
↓
8b423e73-54e4-4d8b-9b58-db79b7e12e89.gif
This is so great.
↓
5b322a18-792b-4bb0-b1ba-3f63f6ebe219.gif
I hope you're good with lower back pain.
hopelowerpain
↓
c5597c9e-2ff7-45f8-bbe3-fb025c3a64c4.gif
Uh, yeah. Absolutely.
absolutely
↓
8b94c6c8-1811-4a0d-8334-4d372d3d90f9.gif
I specialize in... vertebrae... sciatic...
vertebrae
↓
237051b7-f0d8-4acd-861f-da562d093b52.gif
impactions of the back.
↓
1f57047a-c95c-4f47-aa85-1c59d4814ec3.gif
Oh, that sounds perfect!
perfectsounds
↓
c7145a34-4567-4c60-bc86-d7c332749f6d.gif
Happy anniversary, honey.
anniversaryhappyhappy-anniversaryhoney
↓
8aa2b0d2-f7d8-4c5b-a44e-85260b62e3f1.gif
I'm going to be in the salon.
salon
↓
e26440f4-65aa-4619-a557-2baa2c0ea22f.gif
Take your time.
↓
59fddafe-e86e-4942-ba2a-6011dbda8adc.gif
Face up or face down?
face
↓
e3e9ca28-b468-433b-a05a-7cfe31b33fda.gif
Why, what are you going to do to me?
↓
2b84d91c-9c55-47bd-86dc-991c97061a2f.gif
The massage.
massage
↓
c881e4c9-391e-4458-82c8-8500a44d8ef9.gif
Oh, yeah.
↓
b9b43bba-69e9-4911-b743-e91f90c548c8.gif
Oh... oh, there it is!
↓
8f64e905-2966-4c7c-a6af-510d0aea2a8f.gif
Ah, yeah, baby. Oh...
baby
↓
34c06f13-aa35-4bc2-84e3-9254826395df.gif
Oh! That's the sign of a good massage.
massagesign
↓
fc3b8e28-e092-4d51-a985-93c96f857556.gif
Oh! That means I'm totally relaxed.
relaxed
↓
20234b95-e83d-49e7-a4ca-42fe0ded0225.gif
We don't mean to inflict ourselves on you,
↓
74573a31-031e-474d-b96f-fcd51ceb7841.gif
but there's no other places.
places
↓
ca9792f6-e9af-4d61-ad18-0a0130b676fb.gif
Look, we know you've had a rough couple of days,
coupledaysrough
↓
8c960e02-dc1c-4acb-ba42-2934d6696d07.gif
but things are about to get better.
↓
02f8e5d6-86ab-4443-a5e5-a49177940cb8.gif
We joined...
joined
↓
58ef2cd1-9f48-4576-998e-a93542b69177.gif
the chess club.
chessclub
↓
0f4ce694-1050-45f2-a09a-1d35f0f12063.gif
They love geniuses!
geniuseslove
↓
b8e2f966-e9e3-4c5f-ad92-d650058d2a44.gif
I was voted king.
kingvoted
↓
11d16631-91ed-4645-bee1-8465a54a5900.gif
I'm the queen--
queen
↓
15f3252d-5733-4999-893b-c10b337875bb.gif
which is actually the more powerful position.
positionpowerful
↓
bab36806-348a-43a2-aad7-92bad8ba4cf3.gif
And they're excited to meet you, too.
excitedmeet
↓
e33ce532-8102-4ef6-bd53-239976a98c2e.gif
I told them your opinion on the Luzhin defense.
defenseopinion
↓
a6cf4862-e21b-4c12-8caa-6d318c49af16.gif
It raised a few eyebrows, but you're as good as in.
eyebrowsraised
↓
1dd6af25-97fc-4999-ac9f-3a7fe69bbecb.gif
I don't deserve you guys.
deserve
↓
cb5a4142-5854-434e-bc62-aa11a64acd95.gif
I'm sorry I ignored you, and I appreciate the gesture,
appreciategestureignored
↓
d0cccbf1-92bd-48ae-9a32-b467ce530e96.gif
but you're really better off without me.
↓
2b459f6b-02d4-4d3c-a96b-f2061ae0545a.gif
Oh, come on.
↓
75a8a8f0-cd3a-4d9e-b132-41dc21752ec9.gif
Will you get off this sulking thing?
↓
b3dc42ea-adc5-4c8e-bdc7-fb5f3bfc2133.gif
Since when do you care
care
↓
ed4ad331-aa56-4dfc-b414-ddfdc951937f.gif
what other people think of you?
↓
4b68e1ed-8c3f-4cc0-a7c2-6f8ce6331355.gif
Cynthia, don't do this.
cynthia
↓
f12cf055-4697-49b9-b059-95098c2c2308.gif
Malcolm, you hate everyone.
hatemalcolm
↓
6b393065-93a4-49e8-b8ac-49df9d476e76.gif
To you, everyone's either a moron or a creep or a poseur.
creepeveryonesmoron
↓
07d33edc-2a7c-4447-ac51-da8f2d3d9f63.gif
Why do you suddenly care about their opinion of you?
careopinionsuddenly
↓
35d49eb1-22b3-437b-8223-4c962be710fb.gif
Because I'm shallow, okay?
shallow
↓
9082b7c8-dfaf-4627-91aa-7cd7a5bbe449.gif
I want them to like me.
↓
e51ccfa9-416c-4e30-acae-cde078b78601.gif
It's not so bad, Malcolm.
malcolm
↓
ba346160-1763-4a01-8db6-9472a4f536be.gif
It's only the first week.
week
↓
8aca805b-afd3-4b40-9fed-d6815979432a.gif
You have, like, four years of high school left.
fourfour-yearsleftschoolyears
↓
1fa87ad4-aab7-43e1-a5ee-da53247c9a49.gif
It's okay.
↓
7e787bdf-5f11-4800-ad5b-189a657ed058.gif
I spent three years being a Krelboyne.
krelboynespentthreethree-yearsyears
↓
a4bb4215-2a1a-4a90-ba00-317985d33a27.gif
I can spend four years being a joke.
fourfour-yearsjokespendyears
↓
c00af0de-40cc-47fb-90d9-97a9db2472a3.gif
Malcolm, you're not a joke.
jokemalcolm
↓
e5fb1c11-85a8-4fe9-8db0-996c94abcb35.gif
Hey, Stainalator!
↓
73c57c6a-13a8-457b-9a9b-dfc8d561be15.gif
Bruce Spring-stain.
brucespringstain
↓
7f436b80-94ee-4e35-b0fd-baeae8961850.gif
What are you doing?
↓
ca06440b-b2ae-4c97-9a32-d2759eb5ed76.gif
Mopping.
mopping
↓
052673a5-9ee9-4301-b5e6-8cb1b4a4c83f.gif
In five minutes, I will have my two hours,
fivefive-minuteshoursminutes
↓
dfe34abd-6a58-4832-8e91-bd868b4297fd.gif
and that will discharge my obligation
dischargeobligation
↓
52473cd6-7ea8-45d3-a622-3e2dc6556aff.gif
to the volunteer program.
programvolunteer
↓
7755af5d-27db-4cb2-bedf-b74536951914.gif
Oh, no, it does not, because you have been expelled.
expelled
↓
49349c98-2acd-4c32-a677-1b50eb223677.gif
All I know is I've been mopping!
mopping
↓
6b98594f-1333-4304-931b-882f5731eebf.gif
And this floor looks pretty darn clean to me.
cleandarnfloor
↓
cbe43e29-4e42-4df4-b393-9a19f8a0aed8.gif
But that was unauthorized mopping.
mopping
↓
956f31e1-375b-451c-9499-fa540aa91926.gif
It is spotless, and maybe we should just see whether
whether
↓
58c4d434-38da-44a1-b35e-d355033f3e8c.gif
the principal thinks it's a job well done.
principalthinks
↓
7e70b50c-7b34-46a4-9914-cbf1381d190e.gif
It's not even clean.
clean
↓
87e58628-e616-45ec-b508-505e73b39928.gif
Don't you dare!
dare
↓
a1beabd8-4d52-4df0-b3c0-71fa3cb43f17.gif
No!
↓
dfd4ac84-b0db-423e-8e44-b5590eafc10b.gif
Now let's see if you're...
↓
e070445b-66bd-4066-9395-702cb9f2a857.gif
I'd just like to say
↓
aa8ccc00-b3b7-4c4b-9f81-edbe566985b3.gif
in my defense...
defense
↓
c2895daa-46d2-4122-bdd3-daa2c5767d44.gif
he started it.
started
↓
eb961a0e-bdec-460c-b979-1a982fecdd7b.gif
Ah, Francis, there you are.
francis
↓
92944dee-7a10-4549-903b-012309284ca9.gif
Oh, look at you tidying up.
↓
5897ce3a-215e-4b8e-9827-385a466fc8a9.gif
Otto, we have to talk.
otto
↓
5178a658-7598-4c18-83b0-c7099cba445e.gif
We will talk tomorrow.
tomorrow
↓
547add5d-c5db-4c57-a957-eade511ae714.gif
Come, I want to show you something.
↓
80085007-7972-4007-b76a-c5ba8c60ff46.gif
No! Tomorrow I may be leading aerobics again
leadingtomorrow
↓
05a54b50-06f3-4621-a43c-cea842a9979f.gif
or faking my way through a wine-tasting seminar
fakingseminartastingwine
↓
8a0554b0-3106-4b7d-aa12-04232b656d0d.gif
or-or playing the prostitute in the Old West stunt show.
playingprostitutestuntwest
↓
5d4092bd-6a51-4bfe-8161-7fd3b68b0929.gif
That was you!
↓
0843f13b-70a0-4110-81b5-baa70acfd2fa.gif
The way you run this place,
place
↓
512525c2-c982-425a-bc3a-71118b599cc8.gif
sometimes it's not being nice.
sometimes
↓
1d8edbe5-aca1-4ee4-a853-082ab9af2fb2.gif
It's-it's being careless and foolish.
carelessfoolish
↓
e9f8c338-ceba-4d33-8930-591c367d947c.gif
Look.
↓
2d29e8bb-94f6-4a97-af70-887ef4390160.gif
Yes, it's a truck.
truck
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81c6a919-0ef0-41f0-bbba-34edde5590ff.gif
Look, Otto, I don't want to leave you high and...
otto
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It is your truck. What?
truck
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f0c346a0-cd66-447f-ab85-3a9c84f27ddc.gif
I saw it... I thought of you.
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98e572dc-5772-4180-b71b-525cb8b3b8d5.gif
Your car blew up, yeah?
blew
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I thought this would be a good thing for you.
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dc5f1b3b-36a3-4150-8885-5e90cad12a37.gif
You see, this is what I'm talking about.
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a848efe2-46ff-499c-9edd-2e221950af84.gif
You are the best boss ever!
bestboss
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I wish I could tell you to take a few days
dayswish
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and drive it someplace nice,
drivesomeplace
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but we're a little shorthanded.
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c1a8b37c-8494-4767-80d2-85643e2ed468.gif
I understand, believe me.
believe
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Just kidding!
kidding
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Go. Take a week. Have fun.
funweek
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Malcolm!
malcolm
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Malcolm, hey, come to the "Y" with me.
malcolm
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I think a good yoga class would really help center you.
centerclassyogayoga-class
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A-And there are boys.
boys
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c6ba23cd-fe7d-48e0-a52f-e85e69d4f50b.gif
Mom's here! What?
moms
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e5753ac7-c6de-4f84-859b-1c458be9079a.gif
Dad got in trouble. Mom is freaking out.
freakingtrouble
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Whatever you do, stay out of her way.
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Oh, my God.
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I know what I'm going to do.
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What are you talking about?
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I'm going get sent to military school.
militarymilitary-schoolschoolsent
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Malcolm!
malcolm
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Malcolm!
malcolm
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What are you doing?
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My dad has a hide-a-key.
hide
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Here we go.
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I don't want to be a stickler,
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87236d7e-ff99-48db-b4a4-ba1457220dec.gif
but you don't have the right decal for this lot.
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b9d03e72-7a0f-4693-8a0a-3cbe61348f37.gif
Malcolm, stop this.
malcolm
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99c418d8-2189-4a68-8b89-da3126c0879c.gif
You don't have a license.
license
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9276cdf9-a277-4d9e-92e8-448abf6f4964.gif
That's okay. I'm just going
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5c37593f-d571-4fb2-8cd6-c7a54d6f8801.gif
to crash into my mom's car.
crashmoms
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This is crazy, Malcolm!
crazymalcolm
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f9158799-7549-4e9b-868b-0c176d148b25.gif
This is the stupidest thing
stupidest
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32c6b349-91e1-42a1-84fa-18ca4de86f40.gif
I've ever heard.
heard
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fbc44d84-457f-4cdf-9f92-bc88df49f6ae.gif
No, it's not, it's smart.
smart
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d271c004-cf2a-44f1-a122-e70a496a424b.gif
I just take this car and crash it into that car.
crash
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Then I'll be in military school just like Francis was.
francismilitarymilitary-schoolschool
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It'll be paradise.
itllparadise
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Somebody... with feet...
feetsomebody
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stop him!
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For the love of God,
love
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your shirttail's stuck in the door!
doorstuck
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22ba2e7d-95cf-4c41-8e4d-13a6f82aa4b3.gif
Take me with you!
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aec580b9-e080-454d-95f9-46fa8d781fb7.gif
What's going on? I don't know, man.
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e0e4b76d-7879-4bfd-b9b9-2f6c074b7995.gif
Stop!
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I won't let you do this!
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I would rather die than be left alone with Mom!
aloneleftleft-alone
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Get out of the way!
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No!
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You can run me over. I don't care!
care
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Malcolm!
malcolm
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If you do this,
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I will never have sex with you again.
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9b024242-5280-4653-9218-781a91471cbe.gif
Again?
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93faedf3-a224-47ad-acc0-144fe3fb06fd.gif
They had sex? He had sex with her?
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c1bb2f74-3524-40d2-a634-2b887006abc0.gif
That kid had sex?
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1685fdde-a5f5-4910-bdda-15520ca96109.gif
She's a slut.
slut
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de4a07c6-0cee-4ee3-ab15-021efcdd5388.gif
She's a big slut.
slut
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560464d2-70aa-4119-a4df-615db63b0e66.gif
Oh, my God, what a slut.
slut
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722c5009-3e0a-4d29-9e48-eb066eab8c39.gif
Wow, I could really learn a lesson from this,
learnlesson
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d23716b4-5e29-4dc1-9a61-3626e9217bbd.gif
but all I can think about right now
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61491c21-60cc-42f4-a0eb-4e6122892e7f.gif
is how the whole school is convinced that I had se...
convincedschoolwholewhole-school
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a467d669-36a4-46c2-bb8b-bdfad1348525.gif
You get out of that car this instant!
instant
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36c44a13-83e7-4cca-9b4c-4effb8edc5be.gif
What the heck is wrong with you?!
heck
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29196c21-a02d-459e-b629-ae4f0a7fd6cd.gif
Here, take my pancakes.
pancakes
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dc22c41c-5ea6-479a-8563-d7b475b22047.gif
Oh, and I did your laundry.
laundry
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c46cded2-fca1-4bfa-9140-e9709b3a3541.gif
I folded them warm so they wouldn't wrinkle.
warm
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15c80403-5d0f-40e4-959d-581b087c041a.gif
Reese, I'm not going to tell you about it.
reese
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d8698e46-a460-4bf1-9a32-68878e4525f5.gif
It didn't even happen.
happen
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3e5f7a42-2838-4f10-a9f1-ba8d0c958c40.gif
Okay.
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a2f4910b-4795-48f7-a7cf-54d1fa60ea34.gif
Where didn't it happen?
happen
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370b3022-2d7a-459e-90db-ab912486284a.gif
Son, I know it's been tough for you
tough
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ff973469-6a37-4b48-986e-81b320d3b0e9.gif
spending all your time by yourself after school.
schoolspending
↓
51be6299-345c-498e-8a0d-1fe0da3008b7.gif
I've been trying to adjust.
adjust
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e416f44d-a332-4372-9c3e-44c285817af6.gif
Well, guess what. You don't have to anymore.
anymore
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95bdb75e-d870-422b-875f-7a7715685e85.gif
That's all over now.
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a32d8ba3-dc2a-4295-9ebf-c7d1a3d8f626.gif
I rearranged my schedule
schedule
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4fb3811e-7902-42b9-9e4b-1dd52977d832.gif
so I can get home earlier.
home
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cc6ef170-4706-49d8-967b-7b154815daa9.gif
Isn't that great? We're going to spend
spend
↓
d064ece9-b549-4819-a8d6-a0f5617c0ac3.gif
a lot more time together. What do you say,
↓
9cefbf6a-cf39-4088-818f-e4f4eb46c044.gif
this weekend, you help me clean out the garage?
cleangarageweekend