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Home » South Park » S03E16 — Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus

South Park

Season 3, Episode 16 — Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus

TMDB episode metadata
Show: South Park
Episode title: Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus
Air date: December 29, 1999
Director: Trey Parker
Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Mona Marshall, Eliza Schneider
Cartman is convinced he is going through puberty since he started bleeding out of his ass. Dr. Mephisto gives Stan some hormones and he takes the entire bottle. Stan gets facial hair, boobs and his voice starts changing. People are waiting outside of Jesus' home to see what kind of miracle he offers which ends up involving a comeback performance of a very old Rod Stewart and eventually an appearance by God.
Source: TMDB
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Look, Kenny and I are mature now.
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We can't spend New Year's Eve with a couple of kids!
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Did you get your maxi-pads, Kenny?
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Tampon? What's a tampon?
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Ooh, doesn't that hurt?
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Mmhpt-mhhpm.
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You guys, I got my period, too!
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Wow, cool!
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You did?
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Yeah, I was just hanging out in my room
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then I period-ed all over the place.
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Alright!
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You have to be in me and Kenny's club, then.
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My mom gave me this Women Who Run With The Wolves book
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and I'm finding out all about our Goddess powers.
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Awesome, we get powers?
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Yeah, c'mon, we can set up everything in my clubhouse
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and get ready for New Year's Eve!
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Hey, don't feel bad, Stan.
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Some of us just mature a little later than others.
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"Are you there, God? It's me, Stan.
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"if you wouldn't mind, I don't want to be the only kid
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"who doesn't get his period before the new year.
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"Could you speed up my development a little?
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"Thanks God, your friend, Stan."
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"Are you there God? It's me, Jesus.
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"I feel like I've got a real shot at a comeback, God.
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"For whatever reason, people are starting to follow me again.
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"I'm 2,000 years old, but I feel like I'm 28 again.
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"I think I'm going to win everybody back
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"because I just made a few phone calls
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"and I'm going to put on the most amazing new year's spectacle
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this world has ever seen!"
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Good morning South Park, it's 8 A.M.
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And only two more days until the new millennium!
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Dammit!
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Dammit!
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Dammit!
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Dammit!
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Stanley, honey, what's the matter?
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I'm not bleeding out of my ass!
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Well... that's good, honey.
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No, it's not, it's terrible!
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Are you there, God? It's me, Stan.
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How come you didn't help me?
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I know you're really busy with things,
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but this is a matter of life and death.
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If I don't get my period
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