♥ Saved GIFs

Loading…

View all favorites →

Home » South Park » S01E01 — Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

South Park

Season 1, Episode 1 — Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

Air date: August 13, 1997

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

While the boys are waiting for the school bus, Cartman explains the odd nightmare he had the previous night involving alien visitors abducting him from his bed. Meanwhile Kyle and Stan try to convince Cartman that the dream was in fact a reality.

Source: TMDB

↓

And now a fireside chat

chat

↓

with the creators of Comedy Central's "South Park, "

comedy creators park south south-park

↓

Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

matt matt-stone parker stone trey trey-parker

↓

Hi, I'm Trey Parker. - And I'm Matt Stone.

matt matt-stone parker stone trey trey-parker

↓

And this here's ole Scratch. Say hi, ole fellow.

fellow scratch

↓

We do a show called "South Park."

called park south south-park

↓

Matt and Trey, tell us a little bit about yourselves.

matt trey yourselves

↓

Well, I-I met Matthew at the University of Colorado

colorado matthew university

↓

where I was going to film school.

film school

↓

I actually met him in Beginning Filmmaking class.

beginning class

↓

I met him and found someone who could make me laugh,

found laugh

↓

even when I felt like crying.

crying

↓

Guys, who would you say are your role models?

models role

↓

Well, I'd have to say my biggest role model

biggest model role role-model

↓

is Matt.

matt

↓

I guess I'd have to say mine

↓

is Theodore Roosevelt, for his work

roosevelt

↓

with the Rough Riders in the Spanish American War.

american riders rough spanish

↓

Matt and Trey, tell us about this episode.

episode matt trey

↓

This episode is called "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe,"

anal anal-probe called cartman episode probe

↓

and it's our favorite episode.

episode favorite favorite-episode

↓

In it, Kyle's baby brother Ike gets abducted by aliens,

abducted aliens baby baby-brother brother kyles

↓

and Cartman has strange things implanted in his ass.

cartman implanted strange

↓

I think that the reason this episode is--

episode reason

↓

well, ole Scratch's favorite, anyway,

favorite

↓

is because it's the only episode that

episode

↓

Matt and I animated completely by ourselves.

animated completely matt

↓

You see, this was the pilot episode,

episode pilot

↓

done before we had a series.

series

↓

So Matt and I had to do the whole thing by ourselves.

matt whole

↓

For several months, we were locked into

locked months several

↓

a cold, dark, little room

cold dark room

↓

for long periods of time.

periods

↓

You know, that "Kick the Baby" game looks like fun.

baby fun game kick

↓

Have you guys ever played it personally?

personally played

↓

Well, neither Trey or I have children.

children trey

↓

That's right, the only family we have

family

↓

is each other and ole Scratch here.

scratch

↓

We're not married yet. - We can't even get dates.

dates married

↓

But the truth is, until we have children,

children truth

↓

we're not gonna know whether or not we're gonna kick them.

kick whether

↓

You guys seem to write alien encounter material

alien encounter material write

↓

with a certain, uh, knowledge.

certain knowledge

↓

Have either of you actually ever been abducted?

abducted

↓

Trey, it's okay.

trey

↓

Go ahead and tell.

ahead go-ahead

↓

I grew up very near to South Park,

grew near park south south-park

↓

and so I was abducted when I was a small child.

abducted child

↓

I remember the experience.

experience remember

↓

I remember how horrible it was.

horrible remember

↓

I remember too much.

remember

↓

So sit back, relax, and enjoy

enjoy relax

↓

"Cartman Gets an Anal Probe."

anal anal-probe cartman probe

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

- ♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

- ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor." ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

- ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

- ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

♪ School days school days teachers... ♪

days school teachers

↓

Ah, damn it, my little brother's trying to follow me

brothers follow

↓

to school again.

school

↓

Ike, you can't come to school with me.

school

↓

Yeah, go home,

home

↓

you little dildo.

dildo

↓

Dude, don't call my brother a dildo.

brother dildo

↓

What's a dildo? - I don't know.

dildo

↓

And I'll bet Cartman doesn't know either.

cartman

↓

I know what it means.

↓

Well, what?

↓

I'm not telling you.

telling

↓

- What's a dildo, Kenny?

dildo kenny

↓

Yeah, that's what Kyle's little brother is, all right.

brother kyles

↓

Ow.

↓

Dude, that kicks ass.

kicks

↓

Yeah, check this one out.

check

↓

Ready, Ike? Kick the baby.

baby kick ready

↓

Don't kick the baby.

baby kick

↓

Kick the baby.

baby kick

↓

Aah!

↓

Whoa, Cartman,

cartman whoa

↓

looks like you didn't get much sleep last night.

night sleep

↓

That's because I was having these bogus nightmares.

bogus having nightmares

↓

Really? What about?

↓

Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed,

dreamt lying

↓

in the dark.

dark

↓

When all of a sudden

sudden

↓

this bright blue light filled the room.

blue bright filled light room

↓

And slowly my bedroom door began to open.

bedroom began door open slowly

↓

And then the next thing I remember,

remember

↓

I was being drug through a hallway.

drug hallway

↓

Then I was lying on a table,

lying table

↓

and these scary aliens wanted to operate on me.

aliens operate scary wanted

↓

And they had big heads and big black eyes.

black black-eyes eyes heads

↓

Dude, visitors. - Totally.

visitors

↓

What? - That wasn't a dream, Cartman.

cartman dream

↓

Those were visitors.

visitors

↓

No, it was just a dream. My mom said so.

dream

↓

Visitors are real. - Yeah.

real visitors

↓

They abduct people and they mutilate cows.

cows

↓

Oh, shut up, you guys,

↓

you're just trying to make me scared.

scared

↓

And it's not working.

working

↓

Hello there, children.

children

↓

Hey, Chef.

chef

↓

What's gonna be for lunch today, Chef?

chef lunch lunch-today today

↓

Well, today it's Salisbury steak

salisbury salisbury-steak steak today

↓

with buttered noodles and a choice

buttered choice

↓

of green bean casserole or vegetable medley.

bean casserole green vegetable

↓

Kick ass.

kick

↓

Say, did any of you children

children

↓

see the alien spaceship last night?

alien night

↓

Huh? - Yeah, fat boy saw it.

↓

No, that-- that was just a dream.

dream

↓

And I'm not fat. I'm big boned.

boned

↓

Oh, was it the ones with the big long heads

heads ones

↓

and the black eyes?

black black-eyes eyes

↓

Oh! - They took him on their ship.

ship

↓

Oh, did they give you an anal probe?

anal anal-probe probe

↓

Oh! - What's an anal probe?

anal anal-probe probe

↓

That's when they put this big metal hoop-a-joop

hoop metal

↓

up your butt.

butt

↓

Whoa, they gave you an anal probe, Cartman?

anal anal-probe cartman probe whoa

↓

No, I mean... why would they do that?

↓

Dude, they did, huh?

↓

Aliens stuck stuff up your ass.

aliens stuck stuff

↓

No. - An probe.

probe

↓

Shut up, dildo.

dildo

↓

Well, I got to get to the cafeteria.

cafeteria

↓

You children watch that fat boy, now.

children watch

↓

He could be under alien control.

alien control

↓

We told you they were real, Cartman.

cartman real

↓

Sorry to hear about your ass.

↓

God damn it, they didn't do anything to my ass.

↓

It was just a dream.

dream

↓

Why you walking so funny, Cartman?

cartman funny walking

↓

Shut up.

↓

No, Ike, go home.

home

↓

This is it, this one's for the game.

game ones

↓

Kick the baby.

baby kick

↓

Good morning, Miss Crabtree.

crabtree miss miss-crabtree morning

↓

Sit down, we're running late!

late running running-late

↓

Damn it, he's still there.

↓

Oh, don't worry about him.

worry

↓

No, dude, if something happens to him,

happens

↓

my parents are gonna blame me.

blame parents

↓

Sit down back there! Aah!

↓

Yeah, whatever, you fat bitch.

bitch

↓

What did you say?

↓

I said I have a bad itch.

itch

↓

Oh.

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

Visitors.

visitors

↓

Ike! Stop the bus!

↓

Miss Crabtree, you have to stop this bus.

crabtree miss miss-crabtree

↓

Do you want an office referral?

office

↓

No. - Then sit down!

↓

But I...

↓

Aah!

↓

Cartman, are those the same visitors you saw?

cartman visitors

↓

Shut up, you guys, it's not working.

working

↓

We have to do something.

↓

Well, we can't do anything for now.

↓

That fat bitch won't let us.

bitch

↓

What did you say?

↓

I said that rabbits eat lettuce.

lettuce rabbits

↓

Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do.

certainly

↓

What am I gonna do?

↓

My little brother's been abducted by aliens.

abducted aliens brothers

↓

You farted.

farted

↓

Somebody's baking brownies.

baking brownies somebodys

↓

That's the third cow this month.

month third

↓

At this rate, all my cattle are gonna die

cattle rate

↓

before the winter's through.

winters

↓

This is nothing out of the unusual.

unusual

↓

Cows turn themselves inside out all the time.

cows

↓

People been saying they've been seeing UFOs around.

seeing ufos

↓

UFOs?

ufos

↓

Yeah, and black army CIA helicopters and trucks.

army black helicopters trucks

↓

That's the silliest thing I've ever heard.

heard

↓

What was that?

↓

That--that was a pigeon.

pigeon

↓

What am I supposed to do, Barbrady?

barbrady supposed

↓

Just stand here and watch my cattle

cattle stand watch

↓

get mutilated one by one?

↓

Hey, my cattle!

cattle

↓

You see?

↓

There is something funny going on.

funny

↓

There's nothing funny going on.

funny

↓

I'll get those cows back.

cows

↓

And now, children,

children

↓

our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us

friend

↓

about Christopher Columbus.

christopher columbus

↓

That's right, Mr. Garrison,

garrison

↓

Christopher Columbus discovered America,

america christopher columbus discovered

↓

and was the Indians' best friend.

best best-friend friend indians

↓

He helped the Indians win their war against

helped indians

↓

Frederick Douglas,

douglas frederick

↓

and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon.

freed

↓

And discovered France.

discovered france

↓

Oh, man. I can't just sit here.

↓

I have to help my stupid brother.

brother stupid

↓

I'll come home without him

home

↓

and my dad will start yelling,

start yelling

↓

"Where's your brother, Kyle?

brother brother-kyle kyle

↓

You weren't looking out for your little brother, Kyle."

brother brother-kyle kyle looking

↓

Okay, okay, let's ditch school and go find him.

ditch school

↓

"You know he can't think on his own, Kyle.

kyle

↓

"Brush and floss, Kyle.

brush floss kyle

↓

Where has that finger been, Kyle?"

finger kyle

↓

Dude.

↓

Is there a problem, boys?

boys problem

↓

Yes, Mr. Garrison, I have to go now.

garrison

↓

Oh really, Kyle?

kyle

↓

What is it this time, another prostate tumor?

another prostate tumor

↓

No, my little brother's been abducted by aliens.

abducted aliens brothers

↓

It's true. Ask Cartman.

cartman

↓

They gave him an anal probe.

anal anal-probe probe

↓

That's a little joke.

joke

↓

Mr. Garrison, seriously, I have to go.

garrison

↓

Can I please be excused from class?

class excused

↓

I don't know, Kyle. Did you ask Mr. Hat?

kyle

↓

I don't want to ask Mr. Hat!

↓

I'm asking you!

asking

↓

Oh, I think you should ask Mr. Hat.

↓

Mr. Hat, may I please be excused from class?

class excused

↓

Well, Kyle, no.

kyle

↓

You hear me? You go to hell.

↓

You go to hell and you die.

↓

Hm, I guess you'll have to take your seat, Kyle.

kyle seat

↓

Damn it.

↓

Ha-ha, Mr. Hat yelled at you.

yelled

↓

Ow, my ass!

↓

Damn, Cartman.

cartman

↓

Ow, my ass!

↓

Dude, he's farting fire.

farting fire

↓

It's the alien anal probe.

alien anal anal-probe probe

↓

It's shooting fire from Cartman's rectum.

cartmans fire shooting

↓

No, that was just a dream.

dream

↓

Eric, do you need to sit in the corner

corner eric

↓

until your flaming gas is under control?

control flaming

↓

No, Mr. Garrison, I'm fine.

garrison

↓

Hey, you cows can't get on this train.

cows train

↓

This is a people train.

train

↓

You cows have no business on a people train, all right?

business cows train

↓

'cause you're cows.

cows

↓

No, no, no.

↓

Don't try any of that cow hypnosis on me, all right?

hypnosis

↓

'Cause it's not gonna work.

↓

Hold it right there, cows.

cows

↓

Come back here.

↓

Aah!

↓

Ooh. I sure am hungry.

hungry

↓

How can you eat when you're farting fire?

farting fire

↓

Shut up, dude, you're being totally immature.

immature

↓

Hey, look, there's Wendy Testaburger.

testaburger wendy wendy-testaburger

↓

Where?

↓

♪ Stan wants to kiss Wendy Testaburger ♪

kiss stan testaburger wants wendy wendy-testaburger

↓

Shut up, fat ass. I don't even like her.

↓

I'm not fat and you obviously like her

obviously

↓

because you throw up every time she talks to you.

talks throw

↓

I do not.

↓

- Hi, guys. - Hi, Wendy.

wendy

↓

Here, Stan, this is for you.

stan

↓

Eww.

↓

Bye, Wendy.

wendy

↓

Dude, what does the note say?

note

↓

Holy crap,

holy

↓

it says she wants to meet me at Stark's Pond

meet pond starks starks-pond wants

↓

after school.

school

↓

Whoa, maybe you can kiss her.

kiss whoa

↓

Or slip her the tongue.

slip tongue

↓

What, how do you know she has a cat?

↓

Come on, you guys,

↓

we need to figure out how to get out of school

figure school

↓

so we can get my little brother back.

brother

↓

- Hello there, children. - Hey Chef.

chef children

↓

How are you doing? - Bad.

↓

Why bad? - Chef,

chef

↓

have you ever had something happen to you

happen

↓

but nobody believed you?

believed nobody

↓

Oh, children, children.

children children-children

↓

That's a problem we've all had to face

face problem

↓

at some time or another.

another

↓

Here, let me sing you a little song.

sing song

↓

It might clear things up.

clear might

↓

♪ I'm gonna make love to you woman ♪

love woman

↓

♪ Gonna lay you down by the fire ♪

fire

↓

♪ And caress your womanly body ♪

body caress womanly

↓

♪ Make you moan and perspire ♪

moan

↓

♪ Gonna get ♪ - Uh, Chef?

chef

↓

♪ Those juices flowing ♪ - Chef.

chef flowing juices

↓

♪ We're making love baby ♪ - Chef!

baby chef love love-baby

↓

♪ Love baby love love love love baby ♪

baby love love-baby love-love

↓

Chef!

chef

↓

Huh?

↓

Do you feel better? - No.

↓

Oh, come on, children, what can be so bad?

children

↓

It's Salisbury steak day.

salisbury salisbury-steak steak

↓

Visitors took Kyle's baby brother.

baby baby-brother brother kyles visitors

↓

What?

↓

What the hell do you think you're doing

↓

in school eating Salisbury steak?

eating salisbury salisbury-steak school steak

↓

Go find him, damn it.

↓

Mr. Garrison won't let us out of school.

garrison school

↓

He thinks we're making it up.

thinks

↓

You are making it up.

↓

Whoa.

whoa

↓

What? - That was cool.

cool

↓

It's some kind of symbionic metamorphosis device.

device

↓

This can mean the visitors want to communicate with us.

communicate visitors

↓

Oh, I see.

↓

Now you're gonna join in on the little joke, huh?

join joke

↓

It's no joke, children. This is big.

children joke

↓

Please, Chef, if I don't get out of school

chef school

↓

and get my brother back from the aliens,

aliens brother

↓

my parents are gonna disown me.

parents

↓

Uh, hold on, now. Hold on, now.

↓

You got to help the children.

children

↓

Hey, you guys sure are going a long way

↓

to try and scare me.

scare

↓

I want my Salisbury steak!

salisbury salisbury-steak steak

↓

Fire drill, fire drill.

drill fire

↓

Everybody out.

everybody

↓

Okay, children, this is your chance.

chance children

↓

Killer. Thanks, Chef.

chef killer thanks thanks-chef

↓

Man, oh, man.

↓

First contact with the alien visitors.

alien contact visitors

↓

I've got to get myself ready.

ready

↓

♪ We got out of school ♪

school

↓

♪ No more school today ♪

school school-today today

↓

♪ We got out of school ♪

school

↓

Oh, you guys!

↓

My ass, seriously!

↓

Okay, Cartman, you can stop farting fire now.

cartman farting fire

↓

I would if I could, you son of a bitch.

bitch

↓

Okay, so how do we get my little brother back?

brother

↓

Hey, would you stop going on about your little brother?

brother

↓

I know it was just a dream.

dream

↓

I know I didn't have an anal probe.

anal anal-probe probe

↓

And I know that I'm not under alien control.

alien control

↓

♪ I love to singa ♪

love

↓

♪ About the moona and the juna and the springa ♪

↓

♪ I love to singa ♪

love

↓

♪ About a sky of blue or tea for two ♪

blue

↓

What the hell was that?

↓

He is under alien control.

alien control

↓

That thing in his butt

butt

↓

is linked up to the visitors.

visitors

↓

Oh, son of a bitch.

bitch

↓

You guys shut up.

↓

I'm not under alien control.

alien control

↓

Hey, if you visitors can hear me...

visitors

↓

Hey. - Bring me back

bring

↓

my little brother, God damn it!

brother

↓

Ow, that hurts, you butt licker!

butt hurts

↓

Kyle, look, it's them.

kyle

↓

Give me back my brother!

brother

↓

Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!

kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

You bastards!

bastards

↓

Come back here!

↓

Come back!

↓

Damn it! We were so close.

close

↓

Hey, look, I think Kenny's okay.

kennys

↓

Oh.

↓

Wow, poor Kenny.

kenny poor

↓

Now do you believe us, Cartman?

believe cartman

↓

No.

↓

Cartman, they killed Kenny.

cartman kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

He's not dead.

dead

↓

Dude, Kenny is dead.

dead kenny

↓

See?

↓

Shut up, you guys.

↓

He's dead, Cartman.

cartman dead

↓

God damn it, I didn't have an anal probe!

anal anal-probe probe

↓

Screw you guys. I'm going home.

home screw

↓

Go on and go home, you fat chicken.

chicken home

↓

Dildo!

dildo

↓

You're all I have left, Stan.

left stan

↓

Sorry, dude, I gotta go meet Wendy Testaburger.

meet testaburger wendy wendy-testaburger

↓

You can't. Poor Ike must be so scared.

must poor scared

↓

Up there all alone.

alone

↓

You gotta help me dude.

↓

Dude, like Chef says,

chef

↓

I gotta get a piece of loving

loving piece

↓

while the getting's hot.

↓

Rats.

rats

↓

Hello, Eric.

eric

↓

Hi, Mom.

↓

How are you doing?

↓

Well, I'm pissed off.

pissed

↓

Here, I made you powdered donut pancake surprise.

donut pancake surprise

↓

I don't want powdered donut pancake surprise.

donut pancake surprise

↓

All the kids in school call me fat.

kids school

↓

You're not fat, you're big boned.

boned

↓

That's what I said.

↓

You can have an eensy-weensy bit, can't you?

↓

No.

↓

Just a weensy-eensy woo-woo?

↓

No, leave me alone, Mom.

alone

↓

How about a nice chocolate chicken pot pie then?

chicken chocolate

↓

But...well, that sounds pretty good.

sounds

↓

Uh, Mom?

↓

Yes, hon?

↓

If anybody calls or comes over,

anybody calls comes

↓

I'm not here, okay?

↓

Sure, hon.

↓

You want some Cheesy Poofs too?

cheesy cheesy-poofs poofs

↓

Yeah, I want Cheesy Poofs.

cheesy cheesy-poofs poofs

↓

Well, looks like she's not gonna show up, Stan.

stan

↓

Let's go look for the visitors now.

visitors

↓

But her note said she'd be here.

note shed

↓

Hi, Stan.

stan

↓

Ew.

↓

You can't talk to Stan, Wendy.

stan wendy

↓

He throws up when you do.

throws

↓

But why, Stan?

stan

↓

Ew.

↓

Look, could you guys just get down to business

business

↓

so we can find my little brother?

brother

↓

Huh?

↓

Just make sweet love down by the fire.

fire love sweet sweet-love

↓

What happened to your little brother?

brother happened

↓

As the reports of UFO sightings increase,

increase reports

↓

more mysterious crop circle patterns are appearing

appearing circle crop mysterious patterns

↓

in fields all around South Park.

fields park south south-park

↓

These crop circles, when viewed from above,

circles crop

↓

form strange patterns.

form patterns strange

↓

Hey, that kind of looks like...Tom Selleck.

↓

Could it be that aliens are trying to

aliens

↓

make contact with us, here on Earth?

contact earth

↓

No, kitty, this is my pot pie.

kitty

↓

No, kitty, that's a bad kitty!

kitty

↓

No, kitty, this is my pot pie!

kitty

↓

Mom, kitty's being a dildo.

dildo

↓

Well, then I know a certain kitty kitty

certain kitty kitty-kitty

↓

who's sleeping with Mommy tonight.

mommy sleeping tonight

↓

What?

↓

And now I have to go home without him,

home

↓

and my parents are gonna have me killed.

killed parents

↓

Well, why didn't you go get the fat kid?

↓

Why? - Well...

↓

if the fat kid has something implanted in his ass,

implanted

↓

maybe the visitors are using him

using visitors

↓

as part of their plan.

part plan

↓

You should use the fat kid as bait

bait

↓

to bring them back.

bring

↓

Hey, you're right, Wendy.

wendy

↓

Come on, Stan, we have to go get Cartman.

cartman stan

↓

Come on, Stan.

stan

↓

Ew.

↓

Hey, wait.

↓

When do I get to make sweet love?

love sweet sweet-love

↓

No, kitty, you can't have any.

kitty

↓

No, kitty, this is my pot pie!

kitty

↓

Bad kitty!

kitty

↓

Oh. Excuse me, kitty.

excuse kitty

↓

Eric, look who's here.

eric

↓

Dude, weak, Mom.

weak

↓

Come on, Eric, we're gonna go play at the bus stop.

eric

↓

I can't. My mom says--

↓

That's okay, Eric.

eric

↓

I think you need to spend time

spend

↓

with your little friends.

friends

↓

But Mom, I don't want to spend time with my...

spend

↓

Don't be difficult, Eric.

difficult eric

↓

Now, you go out and play in the fun snow.

fun snow

↓

God damn it.

↓

You guys, I have to get home.

home

↓

Don't be such a fraidy cat, Cartman.

cartman

↓

This rope will make sure

rope

↓

they can't take you on board again.

board

↓

Oh, man, this sucks.

sucks

↓

How come the visitors aren't coming for him?

coming visitors

↓

I think we have to signal them somehow.

signal

↓

Ow!

↓

Hey, he's like Rudolph.

rudolph

↓

Yeah, all you have to do is fart some more, Cartman,

cartman fart

↓

and the visitors are sure to come.

visitors

↓

Really?

↓

Uh, I don't think I have to fart anymore tonight.

anymore fart tonight

↓

Sure you do.

↓

Come on, Cartman, fart.

cartman fart

↓

I don't wanna.

↓

He can't hold it in forever.

forever

↓

Fart, damn you!

fart

↓

Okay, that does it.

↓

Now, listen,

↓

why is it that everything today

today

↓

has involved things either going in

involved

↓

or coming out of my ass?

coming

↓

I'm sick of it.

sick

↓

It's completely immature.

completely immature

↓

Hey, it's happening again.

↓

Whoa, look at that.

whoa

↓

Now do you believe us, Cartman?

believe cartman

↓

You guys can't scare me.

scare

↓

I know you're making it all up.

↓

Cartman, there's an 80-foot satellite dish

cartman dish foot satellite

↓

sticking out of your ass.

sticking

↓

Sure, you guys. Whatever.

↓

Oh, boy,

↓

the aliens are going to make first contact.

aliens contact

↓

Hey, down here!

↓

We are ready for your wisdom!

ready wisdom

↓

And you only got 20 minutes

minutes

↓

before "Sanford and Son" is on.

sanford

↓

You guys, I am seriously

↓

getting pissed off right now!

pissed

↓

I know there's no such thing as aliens!

aliens

↓

Oh, God damn it!

↓

What the--?

↓

I tell you, there's crazy stuff going on in this town.

crazy stuff town

↓

You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.

garrison

↓

Come down here, you stinking aliens.

aliens stinking

↓

Uh, uh...

↓

Go on, Kyle,

kyle

↓

ask them for your little brother back.

brother

↓

V-visitors,

visitors

↓

this morning you took my brother, Ike.

brother morning

↓

He's the little freckled kid

↓

that looks like a football.

football

↓

At first I was happy you took him away.

happy

↓

But I've learned something today.

learned today

↓

That having a little brother

brother having

↓

is a pretty special thing.

special

↓

Yeah. - Aw, heck, Mr. Visitors,

heck visitors

↓

I'm just a kid all alone in this crazy world.

alone crazy world

↓

But if you can find it in your hearts

hearts

↓

or whatever you have

↓

to give my brother back to me,

brother

↓

it sure would make my life brighter again.

brighter life

↓

That was beautiful, dude.

↓

Did it work?

↓

Nope, they're leaving.

leaving nope

↓

Hey, you scrawny assed!

assed scrawny

↓

What the is wrong with you?

↓

You must be some kind of

must

↓

to be able to ignore a crying child!

able child crying ignore

↓

Whoa, dude.

whoa

↓

You know what you like?

↓

You like to...

↓

Hey, Wendy, what's a?

wendy

↓

Ike, jump down, now!

jump

↓

For the love of God, Ike, jump!

jump love

↓

Don't hurt me.

hurt

↓

Moo.

↓

Come on, Ike.

↓

I promise I'll be nice to you from now on.

promise

↓

Don't kick the baby.

baby kick

↓

What the hell are they talking about?

↓

Ike!

↓

Ike, do your impersonation of David Caruso's career!

career david impersonation

↓

It's my turn.

↓

You guys, get me down from here!

↓

Help!

↓

Help!

↓

Sons a bitches!

bitches sons

↓

Dildo!

dildo

↓

Phew, I'm sure glad that's over with.

glad phew

↓

Yeah, boy, am I glad to see you, Ike.

glad

↓

Fly in the sky.

↓

Wait.

↓

Where are you going, alien visitors?

alien visitors

↓

Come back.

↓

Well, Chef, where's this amazing thing

amazing chef

↓

you were gonna show us?

↓

Well, it's in the bedroom, ladies.

bedroom ladies

↓

Come on in.

↓

Come on, Ike,

↓

we can make it just in time for dinner.

dinner

↓

Thanks for your help, Wendy.

thanks wendy

↓

Whatever, dude.

↓

Hey, I didn't throw up.

throw

↓

Cool.

cool

↓

Ew.

↓

Sorry. - Hey, look, a French fry.

french

↓

Cool. - And what is that?

cool

↓

I think it's part of a Cheesy Poof.

cheesy cheesy-poof part poof

↓

Hey, what's that?

↓

♪ I'm gonna make love ♪ - That's a hamburger.

hamburger love

↓

That's from like two days ago. - ♪ To you woman ♪

days woman

↓

Well, hey, what about that?

↓

I don't know what the hell that is.

↓

Gee, the bus will be here any minute.

minute

↓

And Cartman still isn't around.

cartman

↓

Yeah, we're running out of friends.

friends running

↓

I wonder what that thing was

wonder

↓

that the visitors gave the cows?

cows visitors

↓

Ha-ha, cows, I got you cornered.

cornered cows

↓

Let's see you get away now.

↓

♪ I love to singa ♪

love

↓

♪ About the moona and the juna and the springa ♪

↓

♪ I love to singa ♪

love

↓

♪ About a sky of blue or tea for two ♪

blue

↓

Oh, hey, Cartman.

cartman

↓

Wow, Cartman.

cartman

↓

The visitors dropped you off

dropped visitors

↓

just in time to go to school.

school

↓

Oh, man,

↓

I had this crazy nightmare last night.

crazy night nightmare

↓

Really? What about?

↓

Well, I was standing out in a field

field standing

↓

and I had this huge satellite dish

dish huge satellite

↓

sticking out of my butt.

butt sticking

↓

And then there was hundreds of cows and aliens

aliens cows hundreds

↓

and then I went up on the ship

ship

↓

and Scott Baio gave me pink eye.

pink scott

↓

That wasn't a dream, Cartman.

cartman dream

↓

That really happened.

happened

↓

Oh, right.

↓

Why don't I have pink eye then?

pink

↓

Cartman, you do have pink eye.

cartman pink

↓

Oh, son of a bitch.

bitch