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Season 1, Episode 1 — Jobs
- I love you. - I love you too.
#1
⇓
Havana. You got 24 hours, Agent Six.
#2
⇓
Don't get yourself killed.
#3
⇓
Could be fun.
#4
⇓
In my line of work, I'm always on the road.
#5
⇓
New city.
#6
⇓
New name.
#7
⇓
New target.
#8
⇓
Whiskey. Big ice cube.
#9
⇓
They tell me you are looking for El Escorpión.
#10
⇓
Not tonight.
#11
⇓
But I never lose myself.
#12
⇓
It's a job.
#13
⇓
I have a routine.
#14
⇓
No attachments.
#15
⇓
Follow your rules.
#16
⇓
I only have one.
#17
⇓
No women, no children.
#18
⇓
Oh, fuck.
#19
⇓
Maybe she's okay.
#20
⇓
Oh, fuck.
#21
⇓
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
#22
⇓
Oh, my God.
#23
⇓
Fuck.
#24
⇓
Six here.
#25
⇓
Is it done?
#26
⇓
Yep.
#27
⇓
Got her.
#28
⇓
"Her"?
#29
⇓
Your target was a man.
#30
⇓
Uh, no, it wasn't.
#31
⇓
The target you sent was a blonde woman.
#32
⇓
Unless you're saying it's a man.
#33
⇓
I mean, I'm not gonna assume their pronouns.
#34
⇓
It's a female-presenting person.
#35
⇓
Uh...
#36
⇓
Six, you killed the wrong target.
#37
⇓
I don't know what to tell you, PQ, but the way this works is
#38
⇓
you send a photo of a person and I kill them.
#39
⇓
The only way it gets fucked up is if you send the wrong photo.
#40
⇓
Holy shit!
#41
⇓
You sent the wrong photo?
#42
⇓
- I didn't. - You did!
#43
⇓
You got an innocent woman killed, now you're gonna deny it.
#44
⇓
You know what? Connect me with HR.
#45
⇓
We don't have an HR.
#46
⇓
Exactly. That's how we end up in situations like this.
#47
⇓
Look, I gotta go, man. I don't know what the fuck to tell you.
#48
⇓
In my line of work, I only have, uh, two rules.
#49
⇓
How do I get out of this fucking place?
#50
⇓
No children.
#51
⇓
And, uh, never lose your cool.
#52
⇓
Oh...
#53
⇓
What the fuck?
#54
⇓
Ugh...
#55
⇓
Fuck!
#56
⇓
What the fuck did I eat?
#57
⇓
Fuck. I got ice.
#58
⇓
Did I drink the ice?
#59
⇓
This is fucked.
#60
⇓
Ugh, there's so much shit, it's fucking everywhere.
#61
⇓
I hate my life.
#62
⇓
Jesus Christ.
#63
⇓
Oh...
#64
⇓
Oh, fuck.
#65
⇓
Just a moment, Enrique, I'm coming!
#66
⇓
No problem, sir.
#67
⇓
I'm at the harbor right now, dude. There's a paid ticket I have.
#68
⇓
They're gonna leave
#69
⇓
- if I don't get on the boat. - Six.
#70
⇓
-This guy's gonna take off. - Six.
#71
⇓
Hold on a sec. The bags. Pick the...
#72
⇓
- Six... - Pick the bags with me.
#73
⇓
Hurry up, sir.
#74
⇓
Fuck!
#75
⇓
- Fucking key's in my jacket. - Six.
#76
⇓
I, uh... Hey!
#77
⇓
Oh, it's you.
#78
⇓
Yeah. Would you do me a favor?
#79
⇓
Would you fuck a friend of mine?
#80
⇓
You don't have to really fuck him. Just play with this dick.
#81
⇓
He probably comes fast. Uh, you understand?
#82
⇓
Like, will you have sex with my friend?
#83
⇓
Motherfucker.
#84
⇓
No, uh... You know what?
#85
⇓
Scratch that. New plan.
#86
⇓
You're making me pull out the big guns here.
#87
⇓
That's some wild shit.
#88
⇓
You like sloppy top, right?
#89
⇓
- What? - Blow jobs. I'll give you a blow job.
#90
⇓
Make sure nobody learns about this,
#91
⇓
and I will give you a blow job on your morning commute...
#92
⇓
- Agent Six. - ...every day.
#93
⇓
And if I go out of town,
#94
⇓
I'll double up when I get back, all right?
#95
⇓
And I will not act like it's a chore.
#96
⇓
I will work at it.
#97
⇓
I'll learn what you like, and I'll take my time.
#98
⇓
I will enjoy it.
#99
⇓
Want me to put my finger in your ass?
#100
⇓
I can do that too. I don't mind getting a little dirty.
#101
⇓
- Um... - And you can just bust
#102
⇓
right as we're pulling into the parking lot.
#103
⇓
Please let me do this.
#104
⇓
I want to be your cum slut.
#105
⇓
I want you to fill me up,
#106
⇓
fill up my belly every day with your yum-yum... sauce.
#107
⇓
I want to drain your nuts.
#108
⇓
And I don't have a gag reflex. I've never told you that.
#109
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So, my throat...
#110
⇓
...which has no gag reflex, is yours.
#111
⇓
You own my throat.
#112
⇓
Every day. Please.
#113
⇓
Does this guy ever shut the fuck up?
#114
⇓
Am I on speakerphone?
#115
⇓
And video.
#116
⇓
What the hell is "sloppy top"?
#117
⇓
Uh...
#118
⇓
What's that?
#119
⇓
You guys are breaking up. My battery's dying.
#120
⇓
We got you at 85%.
#121
⇓
In my line of work, there are no rules.
#122
⇓
Actually, I just can't be handcuffed by rules.
#123
⇓
So, you know what I mean?
#124
⇓
Oh, except for that no children rule.
#125
⇓
The "no children" is a good rule.
#126
⇓
I don't kill kids.
#127
⇓
- Fuck. - My child!
#128
⇓
- No. - My one-week-old child.
#129
⇓
Can somebody come shoot me?
#130
⇓
Jobs are tough.
#131
⇓
I mean, I wouldn't know because mine is not.
#132
⇓
I'm a comedian.
#133
⇓
You know that dumb shit you get sent to HR for saying?
#134
⇓
I get paid for that.
#135
⇓
But other people's jobs are...
#136
⇓
...messy.
#137
⇓
You ready, boys?
#138
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Also messy.
#139
⇓
Some people are great at their jobs.
#140
⇓
Fifty-five years, not one kid hit by a car.
#141
⇓
Other people are bad at their jobs.
#142
⇓
Like my piece-of-shit assistant Reed,
#143
⇓
who is a completely inept fucking moron
#144
⇓
who is only still here because I hate confrontation.
#145
⇓
- Doing great, bud. - Sorry, sir.
#146
⇓
I may be a lowly comedian, but it's a job I take very seriously.
#147
⇓
As you'll see from the stories I'm about to share with you.
#148
⇓
Let me be perfectly clear from the start.
#149
⇓
This isn't so much a job as a responsibility.
#150
⇓
Our residents, they don't have much time.
#151
⇓
What they need is consistency and order.
#152
⇓
They don't like change.
#153
⇓
Do you understand?
#154
⇓
Si. Yes, I understand.
#155
⇓
When I see a wrong in the world,
#156
⇓
to leave it would be a betrayal of my own heart.
#157
⇓
Mr. Fletcher.
#158
⇓
Mr. Fletcher.
#159
⇓
You gotta see this.
#160
⇓
I pay you to clean, not to dance.
#161
⇓
Signore, these people are not ghosts.
#162
⇓
They are not shadows of the past.
#163
⇓
We must give them more.
#164
⇓
You're a liability.
#165
⇓
I don't know what this man is doing,
#166
⇓
but he's incredible.
#167
⇓
I used to be an opera singer.
#168
⇓
You have a beautiful voice.
#169
⇓
They're alive again, sir. The man has a gift.
#170
⇓
How is he doing this?
#171
⇓
Lick my ass. Lick it. Oh.
#172
⇓
What the fuck?
#173
⇓
Yes, you are my nasty girl. Yeah.
#174
⇓
Yes.
#175
⇓
What the hell is going on?
#176
⇓
Signore, I give them life. I come so hard.
#177
⇓
They eat my ass.
#178
⇓
Now you understand?
#179
⇓
No.
#180
⇓
No, I don't understand.
#181
⇓
You get out! You get out now!
#182
⇓
Coward!
#183
⇓
I do it for them!
#184
⇓
Massimo!
#185
⇓
Please calm down. This is very cut-and-dried.
#186
⇓
He was not cut.
#187
⇓
And I was not dry.
#188
⇓
I didn't even get to eat his ass.
#189
⇓
- We want Massimo. - Massimo!
#190
⇓
They won't eat, sir.
#191
⇓
It's been weeks.
#192
⇓
I don't know what to do.
#193
⇓
Massimo.
#194
⇓
- Massimo. - Yes.
#195
⇓
I am a simple man from Sardinia.
#196
⇓
Where I'm from, we take care of our elders.
#197
⇓
We show them love. It fills them with life.
#198
⇓
You treat them like they're already dead.
#199
⇓
These are beautiful people.
#200
⇓
Look at Marta. She can garden again.
#201
⇓
Basta. Basta. No more. Oh!
#202
⇓
And John,
#203
⇓
he play a baseball catch with his bambino.
#204
⇓
Dorothy.
#205
⇓
She learn and she love a nipple torture.
#206
⇓
Feels nice.
#207
⇓
- Yes! - Yes!
#208
⇓
Oh!
#209
⇓
Well, it's unorthodox, but I can't argue with the results.
#210
⇓
Massimo can stay.
#211
⇓
Hey!
#212
⇓
Come into me!
#213
⇓
This is my home!
#214
⇓
I don't go nowhere!
#215
⇓
This is my home! Forever!
#216
⇓
I'm pregnant.
#217
⇓
No...
#218
⇓
English.
#219
⇓
What?
#220
⇓
Io no speak inglese.
#221
⇓
He definitely speaks English.
#222
⇓
No, no. Uh...
#223
⇓
He's calling an Uber.
#224
⇓
No, no, no.
#225
⇓
I, uh... I go Walmart.
#226
⇓
I come back ten minuti.
#227
⇓
You stay.
#228
⇓
Uber for Massimo. Going to the airport?
#229
⇓
Fuck.
#230
⇓
Okay, I come right back.
#231
⇓
Okay. Bye-bye.
#232
⇓
I come back ten, maybe 15 minuti.
#233
⇓
Go, go, go, go, go.
#234
⇓
Okay. Bye-bye.
#235
⇓
Fucking Italians.
#236
⇓
Fuck my life.
#237
⇓
We need to increase efficiency in the fourth quarter
#238
⇓
if we're going to keep the board at bay.
#239
⇓
So I'm expecting big things from your team, Evan.
#240
⇓
Evan. Are you even listening?
#241
⇓
Uh...
#242
⇓
Sorry, sir, I, uh...
#243
⇓
I'm just a little thrown by the IT guy.
#244
⇓
Oh, right. Uh, Cyrus from IT is using the latest tech to update our servers,
#245
⇓
which should help us with our efficiency objectives.
#246
⇓
Now, if you look at the numbers from the latest manned projections,
#247
⇓
page 3 clearly lays out the efficiency measures
#248
⇓
that will put a cap on cost overruns that put us in the red
#249
⇓
on two of the last four quarters.
#250
⇓
Part of that was due to Tampa not coming through
#251
⇓
with the metrics we requested.
#252
⇓
We do not want to pull another Tampa.
#253
⇓
Sir...
#254
⇓
What's going on? I was really cranking.
#255
⇓
Yeah. What are you doing?
#256
⇓
Updating our server with the new software patch
#257
⇓
and getting us back online.
#258
⇓
What's it look like I was doing?
#259
⇓
I mean, it looked like you...
#260
⇓
You had two, uh...
#261
⇓
Look, I...
#262
⇓
Why are you doing your work in here?
#263
⇓
Can't you do it in your office?
#264
⇓
And miss Cheryl's birthday?
#265
⇓
No.
#266
⇓
I guess I was just raised different.
#267
⇓
Plus, I don't want a repeat of Oliver's birthday.
#268
⇓
I didn't get any of that cake.
#269
⇓
- That was some good cake. - It was.
#270
⇓
Can I get back to it? Please?
#271
⇓
Yes, of course.
#272
⇓
Jesus Christ.
#273
⇓
Anyway, legal wanted me to remind all of you
#274
⇓
that any and all sales contracts need at least three days of lead time.
#275
⇓
Whoa, doc.
#276
⇓
That's a big one.
#277
⇓
You can reach out to Marcy Malloy, lead counsel,
#278
⇓
and she can turn around contract approval in as little as one business day.
#279
⇓
Just don't abuse it.
#280
⇓
Please... please do not forget to--
#281
⇓
Oh, come on, sir.
#282
⇓
He's clearly using that headset for virtual reality porn.
#283
⇓
I'm sorry.
#284
⇓
Did you just say virtual reality porn?
#285
⇓
Is that even a thing?
#286
⇓
You just mimed unzipping pants
#287
⇓
and said, "Whoa, doctor, that's a big one."
#288
⇓
I unzipped a server file that's absolutely huge.
#289
⇓
I've never seen printer drivers this size.
#290
⇓
Okay, but then you pumped.
#291
⇓
I mean, you were pumping...
#292
⇓
Lube?
#293
⇓
Thank you, Cheryl.
#294
⇓
Lubrication was the word I was looking for.
#295
⇓
You were pumping lubrication.
#296
⇓
Okay.
#297
⇓
After I unzipped the server file, I pushed down the excess data.
#298
⇓
And then I just rubbed my hands together because I was cooking, man.
#299
⇓
Yeah. What about all the licking?
#300
⇓
Oh, my God.
#301
⇓
I have severe carpal tunnel from working with computers all day. Okay?
#302
⇓
So I activated the oral control,
#303
⇓
including the tongue toggles, so I could be more efficient, sir.
#304
⇓
Why am I explaining myself to you, Evan?
#305
⇓
Do I come into your office and ask you about the numbers
#306
⇓
on why our tax liability in China has tripled since you joined the company?
#307
⇓
No. I let you do your work.
#308
⇓
Let me do mine. Okay?
#309
⇓
As far as I know, I'm the only one here who knows how this software works.
#310
⇓
Uh, maybe I'm mistaken. Do you?
#311
⇓
Do you?
#312
⇓
How about... just get back to work?
#313
⇓
The sooner we finish, the sooner we have cake.
#314
⇓
Sound good? Okay.
#315
⇓
He was eating ass.
#316
⇓
I don't know how servers work.
#317
⇓
This technology is the future, ladies and gentlemen.
#318
⇓
Six months from now, you're all going to be using it.
#319
⇓
So adapt or die.
#320
⇓
Well, speaking of tax liabilities,
#321
⇓
Evan, why don't you give us an update?
#322
⇓
I'd love to, sir.
#323
⇓
Ahh. Come here, little buddy.
#324
⇓
That's a good boy.
#325
⇓
As you know,
#326
⇓
over the past several quarters, we have had a tariff...
#327
⇓
- That's a good boy. - ...um, increase.
#328
⇓
Oh, yeah. Tight little pup.
#329
⇓
Our projections are show...
#330
⇓
- Oh, so tight. - My... My...
#331
⇓
Sir, he's being a little Chinese girl.
#332
⇓
Evan, let the man do his work.
#333
⇓
Oh, is this hard?
#334
⇓
You know what? Let's just do cake.
#335
⇓
Oh, yeah.
#336
⇓
Yeah? Let's get cake.
#337
⇓
Come on, guys.
#338
⇓
Happy birthday to you
#339
⇓
Happy birthday to you
#340
⇓
Happy birthday, dear Cheryl
#341
⇓
I'm almost there.
#342
⇓
Happy birthday to you
#343
⇓
Oh! Look, the servers are back online.
#344
⇓
You're welcome.
#345
⇓
- Good job, Cyrus. - Nice work.
#346
⇓
Oh, Christ.
#347
⇓
Hey.
#348
⇓
Where's my slice?
#349
⇓
Oh, no.
#350
⇓
I'm sorry, Cyrus. All out.
#351
⇓
I guess I'm not so good with numbers.
#352
⇓
All right. Did everyone get cake? Good.
#353
⇓
Double slice.
#354
⇓
For you a slice. All right.
#355
⇓
You cut that piece in half.
#356
⇓
Great. Let's eat some cake.
#357
⇓
That's fantastic.
#358
⇓
Wow. Who picked this up?
#359
⇓
Mmm... Now this is cake.
#360
⇓
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