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Home » Bad Thoughts » S01E01 — Jobs

Bad Thoughts

Season 1, Episode 1 — Jobs

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Bad Thoughts
Episode title: Jobs
Air date: May 13, 2025
Directors: Rami Hachache, Jeremy Konner
Top billed cast: Tom Segura
An assassin breaks all his own rules. A man takes serving the elderly to another level. An IT guy who's a little too hard at work.
Source: TMDB
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Havana. You got 24 hours, Agent Six.
agenthours
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900d4340-b487-4163-a6ba-c6f9cfabc229.gif
Don't get yourself killed.
killed
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03f8aa2b-b364-4aa0-82d7-63e6d7adebe5.gif
Could be fun.
fun
↓
34ded3c1-4bd2-42bf-9960-31ce44d703e0.gif
New city.
city
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6f13f031-d2e0-4e11-b319-d2509048b57c.gif
New name.
name
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a80bc4e3-37fb-40fb-9f54-752f40e4e96b.gif
New target.
target
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954a3116-9928-4752-bc6a-35bf452fe660.gif
Whiskey. Big ice cube.
cubewhiskey
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1492e48a-603e-4b41-b285-328b77eed14c.gif
Not tonight.
tonight
↓
2b09a802-e945-4638-a85d-dddc884e2be3.gif
But I never lose myself.
lose
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547e8eca-4ba9-460b-83ae-e52c35f771da.gif
It's a job.
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28551394-2a0c-4e0d-8d3e-8c49128f033d.gif
I have a routine.
routine
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e109041b-9e8b-45b8-a6ac-f590a8c14047.gif
No attachments.
↓
5f822125-2ab2-4fd6-9870-3b0619b85467.gif
Follow your rules.
followrules
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09d7126b-99d6-45c2-89f6-f6f5e8b65875.gif
I only have one.
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9354fb59-ea76-44a5-bb4b-a63c53681891.gif
No women, no children.
childrenwomen
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576a9be1-fb1c-43f5-99d4-79160500b2a2.gif
Oh, fuck.
fuck
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32d0680a-6763-414f-907d-d1e6ed8c9c75.gif
Maybe she's okay.
↓
ebd1d659-b922-4ff5-9ca4-22d5deba5e4a.gif
Oh, fuck.
fuck
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ec8db153-8139-4497-87c1-1c12bda1ecee.gif
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
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ee9c7e11-bf99-414a-af3a-da45ef9f253f.gif
Oh, my God.
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f6e2f350-8640-478c-bdb2-a9285a571068.gif
Fuck.
fuck
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a5572be8-d633-466a-9197-48542103dd44.gif
Six here.
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Is it done?
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Yep.
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Got her.
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868a21a1-3b9d-4464-af46-1ff528d200eb.gif
"Her"?
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Your target was a man.
target
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ac116675-884b-4988-a3f2-92768856a37a.gif
Uh, no, it wasn't.
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6b44a40e-065c-49a1-bd0d-3dad341960f7.gif
The target you sent was a blonde woman.
blondesenttargetwoman
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e82333c8-0866-41af-8139-9644caa72a9f.gif
Unless you're saying it's a man.
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b3ce0812-88f2-43a0-b465-e56e61fd75da.gif
It's a female-presenting person.
femalepersonpresenting
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e1eae740-5af0-460c-ae14-c90314021be4.gif
Uh...
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Six, you killed the wrong target.
killedtarget
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8dbb6498-a515-4e4a-8721-0577d795fbfd.gif
Holy shit!
holy
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c9d96bda-f745-4cbb-bb56-bd20666f3494.gif
You sent the wrong photo?
photosent
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07708fc4-13cb-4937-aced-ec35b745b6b3.gif
You know what? Connect me with HR.
connect
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5821bd6c-ab22-4daa-afa9-f5ec64ee0b78.gif
We don't have an HR.
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675008e3-c157-4525-b37a-102ddf986874.gif
How do I get out of this fucking place?
fuckingplace
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0da0f84b-7906-4e48-b16c-a170b92dae0f.gif
No children.
children
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0cc5bb04-a7aa-4086-b522-e0e56bc176c3.gif
And, uh, never lose your cool.
coollose
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Oh...
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What the fuck?
fuck
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Ugh...
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1fcabdd5-2bdb-407c-8233-53809b438c34.gif
Fuck!
fuck
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aa12550a-b313-433d-ad7e-9730d812adb1.gif
What the fuck did I eat?
fuck
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59080df2-9efa-4f1a-b3ad-fdba805cf3bd.gif
Fuck. I got ice.
fuck
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3a2c290e-33a1-49a9-8117-ce6a3936e3ef.gif
Did I drink the ice?
drink
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ecfc9fe0-eed8-4a12-b0ca-f9b6105e7d40.gif
This is fucked.
fucked
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54bc928d-e4c8-4a41-b04f-46fc41ca47d0.gif
I hate my life.
hatelife
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39f04a2d-2e35-447e-84da-8b7188fc32cf.gif
Jesus Christ.
christjesusjesus-christ
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1c0732e1-217f-46d1-ab20-8d6406152159.gif
Oh...
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3a84e7c7-bce6-4e60-a0b0-1970eb8d414e.gif
Oh, fuck.
fuck
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0da8d359-8212-4b69-ac6e-b683f3042467.gif
Just a moment, Enrique, I'm coming!
comingmoment
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ca342336-cd36-484c-a0ce-d5d9b49ef26c.gif
No problem, sir.
problem
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d68dffd2-fc05-4ca7-9c8f-00e588cc1ff4.gif
They're gonna leave
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43fcfe81-e07a-4b34-8541-c037fccf5552.gif
Hold on a sec. The bags. Pick the...
bagspick
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db14c204-9ebf-44c9-b90f-dae3b655c7b0.gif
Hurry up, sir.
hurry
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c1ce9174-d4cd-46c3-a1f8-8a54258fe6d4.gif
Fuck!
fuck
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71cca019-708f-429f-a1b6-840878150cfe.gif
I, uh... Hey!
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8646aaaf-b6e8-4322-a34e-17982ef789f7.gif
Oh, it's you.
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0b2a956f-3e4b-4e09-b22a-9e115f37559e.gif
Yeah. Would you do me a favor?
favor
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cefff084-49e9-4f05-980c-e2587d6c1423.gif
Would you fuck a friend of mine?
friendfuck
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f0df2b54-9def-4340-86a8-54476386e4d9.gif
Like, will you have sex with my friend?
friend
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dc235f89-47ea-4051-9912-cbc87957d7d9.gif
Motherfucker.
motherfucker
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b9f4f901-ad4f-4d7c-b1ce-75c8fac51c75.gif
No, uh... You know what?
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0da6b99d-dbfa-4357-8562-ff87c58ae261.gif
Scratch that. New plan.
planscratch
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ec62b558-669e-4120-b51f-a2390b5d791b.gif
That's some wild shit.
wild
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4decae7f-38b6-4d1f-a5a1-9dd87c6b5905.gif
You like sloppy top, right?
sloppy
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3a413bca-5e17-4342-9514-76e0a0098fd3.gif
Make sure nobody learns about this,
learnsnobody
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bf7da373-8dc6-4291-bada-339e6a48baf9.gif
And if I go out of town,
town
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4e5a74fc-479b-44b7-9ab8-050444834e15.gif
I'll double up when I get back, all right?
double
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227c07a1-37ab-48d5-9b9b-fcd075bb3793.gif
And I will not act like it's a chore.
chore
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3150636e-4517-4d91-92e7-0933990fd30d.gif
I will work at it.
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e8ae2a37-ef97-4e05-8ed4-048ecf491d5f.gif
I will enjoy it.
enjoy
↓
ea36d251-3c03-4725-ab0a-88e308a8852d.gif
Want me to put my finger in your ass?
finger
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7e33e367-d50c-44f0-befa-78e3f25f306c.gif
Please let me do this.
↓
49c4dde0-b508-4620-a3f4-eba936e0aff1.gif
I want to be your cum slut.
slut
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4e6b9312-b2d3-4934-97ec-acde92455b51.gif
I want you to fill me up,
fill
↓
124c67f1-1306-47bb-acf2-0d5b405ab828.gif
I want to drain your nuts.
drainnuts
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f81955a3-025d-427c-a67f-15a1504a25e5.gif
So, my throat...
throat
↓
21374bf0-9e87-4c68-8966-dba94e8e364c.gif
...which has no gag reflex, is yours.
reflex
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b0a24f18-424f-40ca-8eb0-f592a08de658.gif
You own my throat.
throat
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79ac3821-22d1-4555-9b77-1aff70d0943f.gif
Every day. Please.
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2a223389-48c9-4663-bd1e-48ef8546abe2.gif
Does this guy ever shut the fuck up?
fuck
↓
30f17621-d2d2-486d-aed8-02aa45d96545.gif
Am I on speakerphone?
speakerphone
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4215e80d-7f3d-47fc-b86a-5abad9e3d2cb.gif
And video.
video
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1b4da69a-d70a-4391-9b9b-4f775d9a2d22.gif
What the hell is "sloppy top"?
sloppy
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ef3612bc-6410-42e3-ae27-6cd9cc174340.gif
Uh...
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a2f0dd90-3d3e-43a7-b2ef-714a78f23691.gif
What's that?
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31c56b62-7a1a-4894-b36b-ddb32d42a376.gif
We got you at 85%.
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03c69348-52a6-46dc-aa84-eaff37eb471d.gif
In my line of work, there are no rules.
linerules
↓
efb1d90e-ad31-477a-8176-1134673ef9d1.gif
So, you know what I mean?
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2ae3ebd8-f659-4f94-9f62-a5e59089ed20.gif
Oh, except for that no children rule.
childrenexceptrule
↓
afb2c6ae-0253-4e76-bb49-3365ec7c2e75.gif
The "no children" is a good rule.
childrenrule
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a44f1894-f6f9-483b-9fdb-4b7186816437.gif
I don't kill kids.
kidskill
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815c1f65-9266-476b-a3bf-d8137a21aa34.gif
Can somebody come shoot me?
shootsomebody
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9d935394-fa9f-4bed-822e-0a54ffbae7ce.gif
Jobs are tough.
jobstough
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b426ec05-aba9-47df-a053-163522aabf5f.gif
I'm a comedian.
comedian
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4797ae29-73e9-46d1-a602-bdbc554209fa.gif
I get paid for that.
paid
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f8935618-5083-47ab-b06e-0a74fd71690e.gif
But other people's jobs are...
jobspeoples
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6a5375f7-1e68-4952-a102-b4d82e4b5765.gif
...messy.
messy
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75bf4be8-ea8d-4d80-bd64-212e1f52ab85.gif
You ready, boys?
boysready
↓
179bdfe9-0cc0-4279-adc4-e55604cb6bd7.gif
Also messy.
messy
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522e7e23-40a1-47f5-9825-5c9799b9b11c.gif
Some people are great at their jobs.
jobs
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b9f7cba2-aaaa-47b2-91c9-0825c15262ef.gif
Other people are bad at their jobs.
jobs
↓
66d50414-d7fb-4962-a47e-93c098244993.gif
Like my piece-of-shit assistant Reed,
assistantpiecereed
↓
6d10d323-f1be-43ed-943a-1c6d93eb8de6.gif
who is a completely inept fucking moron
completelyfuckingmoron
↓
30e06338-9a6c-4001-8537-d4c44e58a16d.gif
Let me be perfectly clear from the start.
clearperfectlyperfectly-clearstart
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7ccba7af-d213-4e2b-bb7b-e8b6ed89626a.gif
Our residents, they don't have much time.
residents
↓
439cb6f7-ff06-439e-8474-1ad747e96ffe.gif
What they need is consistency and order.
order
↓
7a375913-672f-44a0-abe6-1b98b84e6d50.gif
They don't like change.
change
↓
48e51dff-ba49-436e-94e8-e92968363988.gif
Do you understand?
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65cb6b6c-fd10-47e8-8889-a5845b46e7be.gif
Si. Yes, I understand.
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556320a2-2f51-4d2e-8525-f3600a439152.gif
When I see a wrong in the world,
world
↓
322004c7-a0d2-4ad0-b1a8-b62084690e57.gif
Mr. Fletcher.
fletcher
↓
4db71f6d-15a3-46f0-8fb7-ea4a7f500c89.gif
Mr. Fletcher.
fletcher
↓
bc491fcd-874b-4418-bef2-bd568efd169a.gif
You gotta see this.
↓
e33843bc-6534-4ca7-93c7-e49345e82d89.gif
I pay you to clean, not to dance.
cleandance
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d897a5fa-a0d0-4623-a0fd-d46b39ae6376.gif
They are not shadows of the past.
pastshadows
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c71a957e-5d60-4f9b-a549-7e038fab5da3.gif
We must give them more.
must
↓
1eedf5d1-9c5a-4532-bcd4-efc0738bd7f6.gif
You're a liability.
liability
↓
5c56bfdb-ead4-4069-aa42-aa9706ad62b8.gif
I don't know what this man is doing,
↓
84b9458e-b3c7-4312-bc56-833a3233f0fb.gif
but he's incredible.
incredible
↓
2749c8a4-e507-48b9-bf15-d811f0604854.gif
I used to be an opera singer.
operasingerused
↓
fc9c2cf5-1873-40ee-95fa-a140d0f95ec4.gif
You have a beautiful voice.
voice
↓
54ed9111-e195-4275-b661-e0c9b4407bf8.gif
How is he doing this?
↓
9ee8fc36-6d9b-40f0-9aff-4c5be8fd70e7.gif
Lick my ass. Lick it. Oh.
lick
↓
79319b3a-22c5-494a-a6ed-557368cbfbce.gif
What the fuck?
fuck
↓
87555a4b-3646-41b6-9292-7ebbac775e10.gif
Yes, you are my nasty girl. Yeah.
girlnasty
↓
899fd898-b69e-460c-8de2-ccdbfc32e139.gif
Yes.
↓
7cac6ce7-ce23-4f3c-ae3e-35b6e18b1b84.gif
What the hell is going on?
↓
13c2db57-42e6-4cd1-84bd-84323b15874f.gif
Signore, I give them life. I come so hard.
hardlife
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7f28d744-8b0e-44d0-beaf-530f9f699e83.gif
They eat my ass.
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f3db52ba-0581-49db-ba83-190b06e4bfa7.gif
Now you understand?
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fce7853a-8e34-4fac-bad2-6cf195221b94.gif
No.
↓
44cc9641-1065-407b-80b8-30cd655cf58b.gif
No, I don't understand.
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c7e5d91a-5ff7-4968-98d2-204240f87aed.gif
You get out! You get out now!
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e845effe-63aa-4afd-b075-72545026bb3e.gif
Coward!
coward
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78681e17-eb71-4b20-a4af-5a1f9b7b8964.gif
I do it for them!
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040914e0-87a5-4890-9c0a-d7406938275f.gif
Massimo!
massimo
↓
9f6ebe63-55e1-4d9f-b55b-217ee13987cf.gif
He was not cut.
↓
627427ad-dd83-4434-a56c-38db27173936.gif
And I was not dry.
↓
67c22cc4-2afd-48c8-bf3c-f8cd74b9317c.gif
I didn't even get to eat his ass.
↓
bc4f409a-b80f-4ab1-a2cf-7c0d204440c6.gif
They won't eat, sir.
↓
75c70e8f-73d7-435d-a396-d44d4c6da703.gif
It's been weeks.
weeks
↓
b7e0586f-cc42-40da-b70e-d3d810fbdf06.gif
I don't know what to do.
↓
43d66a64-98df-47b7-8a3b-47ad5daa5afb.gif
Massimo.
massimo
↓
d64eeed7-e2b5-4c07-9b32-b288abb2346f.gif
I am a simple man from Sardinia.
simple
↓
19966eff-f02d-4242-8852-db0fbd2f505e.gif
You treat them like they're already dead.
deadtreat
↓
ff2ced95-dfae-497b-b72b-e370c16db573.gif
These are beautiful people.
↓
7b7ef732-f7c5-453c-ad63-23724a59c42c.gif
Look at Marta. She can garden again.
garden
↓
7d5508f6-7175-43e5-a116-283e3e062ca2.gif
Basta. Basta. No more. Oh!
↓
1ed6dc4a-4b35-4242-89f6-959fd45bae3a.gif
And John,
john
↓
760353fe-1862-4671-bef4-8bef3da68f49.gif
he play a baseball catch with his bambino.
baseballcatch
↓
589f44da-17ed-45d1-b9d4-d8ef0df3d021.gif
Dorothy.
dorothy
↓
81162146-89ce-49ac-b344-11a4d839fe27.gif
She learn and she love a nipple torture.
learnlovenippletorture
↓
936501cc-f3ff-48bc-a642-a81b23b9d32c.gif
Feels nice.
feels
↓
9b5cef26-f617-4427-a546-0c57b0e57978.gif
Oh!
↓
5f64977d-0fe2-4eb2-adf4-03aba3581e8a.gif
Massimo can stay.
massimo
↓
c2a28ff2-8aa8-43a4-87c9-ffc593d6b271.gif
Hey!
↓
59bc6205-f42c-4fbf-a78a-92e20b5aac21.gif
Come into me!
↓
83bd7476-ab92-4e02-934c-59e8a5cfbda3.gif
This is my home!
home
↓
296c1116-9503-4544-bd61-f2ba88980b57.gif
I don't go nowhere!
↓
3943dcab-cc28-4592-997d-68fd905db9ac.gif
This is my home! Forever!
foreverhome
↓
ed6ea0ec-d0bc-47b3-8f9b-09214742ecfc.gif
I'm pregnant.
pregnant
↓
a2da2fce-9000-426e-bf14-132bf190e6c0.gif
No...
↓
89ac0eea-72bc-4ba4-a489-c7c78446ec0d.gif
English.
english
↓
8dedc1b6-17ec-48e9-b1eb-3b7fae615c3c.gif
What?
↓
3ac23e13-b433-4ceb-b6d4-97039712c515.gif
Io no speak inglese.
speak
↓
051135cf-494e-4ae5-872b-a071e7d8ff4c.gif
He definitely speaks English.
englishspeaks
↓
93cea85b-d7e6-484c-a681-df1772d74ab6.gif
No, no. Uh...
↓
4885880f-b4f2-404a-b1ff-a6d9776b562b.gif
He's calling an Uber.
callinguber
↓
57d2a85e-99d2-4a3a-a1e1-57802621c392.gif
No, no, no.
↓
aad0c953-468c-4a14-8c7a-a1bc3d968dc4.gif
I, uh... I go Walmart.
walmart
↓
9cc1c82b-d2a8-4926-b6e1-47fc2413f181.gif
I come back ten minuti.
↓
2a1ee970-ca33-4083-88e8-8f94efcc289c.gif
You stay.
↓
0bbf707e-6623-48ec-b868-13f15baeaec1.gif
Uber for Massimo. Going to the airport?
airportmassimouber
↓
7ebfb940-19e4-4cb0-a2ba-9b2beb2588d2.gif
Fuck.
fuck
↓
746b31c5-fd5a-463a-84b4-e2d0c1f6928a.gif
Okay, I come right back.
↓
704ff389-9373-44d2-b9c5-97073c88f75c.gif
Okay. Bye-bye.
↓
3d350233-09ce-46c0-a65b-e2d72dbac7a1.gif
I come back ten, maybe 15 minuti.
↓
11922238-2216-494e-b550-8cb7c825aa7b.gif
Go, go, go, go, go.
↓
794aa8e8-2fdd-4b6c-9c16-5f0effd02625.gif
Okay. Bye-bye.
↓
ca81f325-1e35-4b66-9135-c9fe504c9d95.gif
Fucking Italians.
fucking
↓
a708d3e7-e330-4fc9-95c0-d1a46c3b0e41.gif
Fuck my life.
fucklife
↓
ca8e70f8-1cd7-41b6-91fc-37983424f0c7.gif
if we're going to keep the board at bay.
board
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Evan. Are you even listening?
evanlistening
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Uh...
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Sorry, sir, I, uh...
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I'm just a little thrown by the IT guy.
thrown
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on two of the last four quarters.
fourquarters
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with the metrics we requested.
requested
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We do not want to pull another Tampa.
anotherpull
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Sir...
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What's going on? I was really cranking.
cranking
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Yeah. What are you doing?
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and getting us back online.
online
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What's it look like I was doing?
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I mean, it looked like you...
looked
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You had two, uh...
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Look, I...
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Why are you doing your work in here?
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Can't you do it in your office?
office
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And miss Cheryl's birthday?
birthdaymiss
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No.
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I guess I was just raised different.
raised
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I didn't get any of that cake.
cake
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Can I get back to it? Please?
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Yes, of course.
course
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Jesus Christ.
christjesusjesus-christ
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Whoa, doc.
whoa
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That's a big one.
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Just don't abuse it.
abuse
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Please... please do not forget to--
forget
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Oh, come on, sir.
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I'm sorry.
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Did you just say virtual reality porn?
pornrealityvirtual
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Is that even a thing?
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ea467a63-6f32-46c2-9254-fcb67a9ba991.gif
You just mimed unzipping pants
pants
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I've never seen printer drivers this size.
driversprinterseensize
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Okay, but then you pumped.
pumped
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I mean, you were pumping...
pumping
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Lube?
lube
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Thank you, Cheryl.
cheryl
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b1bcbd35-02db-435a-a3d8-1b80aa460e67.gif
You were pumping lubrication.
pumping
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Okay.
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Yeah. What about all the licking?
licking
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Oh, my God.
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So I activated the oral control,
activatedcontroloral
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Why am I explaining myself to you, Evan?
evanexplaining
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No. I let you do your work.
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Let me do mine. Okay?
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Uh, maybe I'm mistaken. Do you?
mistaken
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Do you?
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How about... just get back to work?
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Sound good? Okay.
sound
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He was eating ass.
eating
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I don't know how servers work.
servers
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02a2109d-7f5e-46ed-a0eb-80b503eb3f94.gif
So adapt or die.
adapt
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Well, speaking of tax liabilities,
speaking
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Evan, why don't you give us an update?
evanupdate
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I'd love to, sir.
love
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Ahh. Come here, little buddy.
buddy
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That's a good boy.
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As you know,
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Oh, yeah. Tight little pup.
tight
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Our projections are show...
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Sir, he's being a little Chinese girl.
chinesegirl
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Evan, let the man do his work.
evan
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Oh, is this hard?
hard
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You know what? Let's just do cake.
cake
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Oh, yeah.
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Yeah? Let's get cake.
cake
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Come on, guys.
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Happy birthday to you
birthdayhappyhappy-birthday
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Happy birthday to you
birthdayhappyhappy-birthday
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Happy birthday, dear Cheryl
birthdaybirthday-dearcheryldearhappyhappy-birthdayhappy-birthday-dear
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I'm almost there.
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Happy birthday to you
birthdayhappyhappy-birthday
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Oh! Look, the servers are back online.
onlineservers
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You're welcome.
welcome
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Oh, Christ.
christ
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Hey.
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Where's my slice?
slice
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Oh, no.
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I'm sorry, Cyrus. All out.
cyrus
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I guess I'm not so good with numbers.
numbers
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All right. Did everyone get cake? Good.
cake
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Double slice.
doubleslice
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For you a slice. All right.
slice
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You cut that piece in half.
halfpiece
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Great. Let's eat some cake.
cake
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3b5ce0fb-1d8e-4a7b-8ea3-597d47d28a97.gif
That's fantastic.
fantastic
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Wow. Who picked this up?
picked