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» S01E06 — Aunt Irma Visits
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Season 1, Episode 6 — Aunt Irma Visits
I know you won a party!
#1
⇓
But I have to say thank you to a few people
#2
⇓
after what has been a momentous week for this company.
#3
⇓
Project Iccarus has increased our productivity... 10 folds.
#4
⇓
Every department is working at three times usual speed...
#5
⇓
due to the increased interconnectivity
#6
⇓
of our...
#7
⇓
computer system!
#8
⇓
Computers! Computers!
#9
⇓
How could I talk about all that computer stuff,
#10
⇓
all... of that computer gobbledegook,
#11
⇓
without... saying a word about...
#12
⇓
the lawyers!
#13
⇓
They cut the red tape!
#14
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They cut the red tape! They cut the red tape!
#15
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– Come on! – Yes!
#16
⇓
That's enough!
#17
⇓
And when you're talking about computers,
#18
⇓
how can you fail to mention...
#19
⇓
Accounts!
#20
⇓
He's building up to us!
#21
⇓
He must be!
#22
⇓
And finally, last but not least...
#23
⇓
Champagne...
#24
⇓
These three people proved, time and again,
#25
⇓
that they have...
#26
⇓
the right stuff!
#27
⇓
The toilet cleaners!
#28
⇓
They said we couldn't do it!
#29
⇓
They said outsourcing our toilet cleaning
#30
⇓
would be inefficient!
#31
⇓
Derk, Banhead and Doodles proved them wrong!
#32
⇓
Toilets!
#33
⇓
That's right Doodles!
#34
⇓
Where are you going?
#35
⇓
They do this every time.
#36
⇓
They never remember us!
#37
⇓
But... you did the work!
#38
⇓
You did all the work!
#39
⇓
So does this mean we're not going to the "thank you" party?
#40
⇓
Of course we're not going to the "thank you" party!
#41
⇓
Why would we go?
#42
⇓
We weren't thanked!
#43
⇓
Hello? I.T.,
#44
⇓
have you tried turning it off and on again?
#45
⇓
Have you tried sticking it up your arse?
#46
⇓
I just realised that was my mother.
#47
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God! I was really looking forward to that, you know.
#48
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Fancy to dance.
#49
⇓
I'm glad the toilet guys got the note, though.
#50
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They do good work. Have you been to the toilets on 12th?
#51
⇓
It's like going on holiday!
#52
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I now try not to go at home, now.
#53
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I save it up!
#54
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Oh Jesus! Will you please do something about that poster?
#55
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What poster?
#56
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Bloody drawer!
#57
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That one! The one with the monkey! It's horrible!
#58
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The monkey? What's wrong with that monkey?
#59
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He's not horrible, he's lovely! He's a lovely little monkey!
#60
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What's he doing! A goal!
#61
⇓
Not that monkey!
#62
⇓
That monkey...
#63
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Oh right. That is a bit frightening!
#64
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Anyway! I'd better fix this drawer.
#65
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Moss! Do you have the hammer?
#66
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You're not listening to me!
#67
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I hate it when people don't listen to me!
#68
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– Oh God! – Hey, that much!
#69
⇓
Hyena screeching!
#70
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It's like someone's killing a cat in here!
#71
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Some kind of shouty cat!
#72
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– What's going on? – God!
#73
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Bring it down! Just bring it down.
#74
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I'm so, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just...
#75
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I'm just a little bit...
#76
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You know...
#77
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– You know... – What?
#78
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– What? – Well, I've got...
#79
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– ...you know... at the moment so... – What?
#80
⇓
I've got Aunt Irma visiting.
#81
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I Do not like aunt Irma... I've got...
#82
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I've got an aunt like that!
#83
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It's my term for...
#84
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my time of the month...
#85
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What time of the month? The week end?
#86
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No.
#87
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Does Aunt Irma visit on the week end?
#88
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– Moss! – You know, it...
#89
⇓
it's high tide...
#90
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– But we're not on the coast. – Moss!
#91
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I'm closed for maintenance.
#92
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– Closed for maintenance? – Moss!
#93
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I've fallen to the Communists!
#94
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Well, they do have some strong arguments.
#95
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"Carrie", Moss, first scene in "Carrie".
#96
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Yeah. You know, I...
#97
⇓
People tell me I'm not great during this time, so...
#98
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I felt I should warn you.
#99
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Right. "Not great" what way?
#100
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Just... I'm really... not great to be around, so
#101
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– try not to get on my nerves. – Oh yeah.
#102
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Hey, I've had a few girlfriends. I'm not completely oblivious!
#103
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– You won't even know I'm here. – Okay.
#104
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Oh! This is working right... The afternoon is so great!
#105
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Look at that! So smooth!
#106
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Stop doing that!
#107
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Oh my God!
#108
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Sorry! Sorry, but you see what I mean!
#109
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You have to be careful.
#110
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Yeah! I'll be careful!
#111
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- Has she gone yet? - Yeah.
#112
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What was all that about?
#113
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Goddamme! Ladies!
#114
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God bless them! What would we do without though?
#115
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With their ways...
#116
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Their mysterious seasons!
#117
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The moon!
#118
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Glenn Close! Sheila Riston!
#119
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All the different kinds of women.
#120
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Smashing!
#121
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Oh my appointment. I've got to go and see the psychiatrist.
#122
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I can't believe there's a psychiatrist in the building.
#123
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All because those two from accounts
#124
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just had enough of everything and wanted to go to the seaside.
#125
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The seaside?
#126
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They committed suicide, Roy!
#127
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That's right! Yes, of course.
#128
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Why do you have to go and see her?
#129
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Because I said Jen was dead, that time.
#130
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Oh yeah. Yeah. That'll be it.
#131
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She said it was something only a severely disturbed person would do.
#132
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And that now, I have to spend a lot of time in therapy.
#133
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Isn't that great?
#134
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Oh well, yes, that's... That's clearly terrific.
#135
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No! No, that's bad!
#136
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Why do you think that's great?
#137
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The psychiatrist is a very... attractive lady?
#138
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– I see... She's of the female... – Genre? Yes.
#139
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A Dr. Melfi to your Tony Soprano?
#140
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She's a glamorous old woman.
#141
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Oh, the things you could learn from her...
#142
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Or from any woman.
#143
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Is Jen is her office?
#144
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– I need to get her to sign something. – Yeah.
#145
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Don't get on her nerves.
#146
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How would I get on her nerves?
#147
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Hello!
#148
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Shouldn't I be on the couch?
#149
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No, Maurice. Not today.
#150
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I've got some good news.
#151
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I think you've downed the corner.
#152
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I'm not going on the couch?
#153
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You don't need me any more, Moss.
#154
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What?
#155
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Well, there's obviously nothing wrong with you.
#156
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And I think you're ready now to do without our sessions.
#157
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But I've been feeling depressed!
#158
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Oh really? Why?
#159
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Because I'm pregnant.
#160
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What?
#161
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I mean... I had a dream that I was pregnant.
#162
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Well...
#163
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There's nothing unusual about that.
#164
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But when I have the baby,
#165
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I looked down and saw that it was my father!
#166
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– That's normal, Moss. – Really?
#167
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That's the maddest thing I could think of!
#168
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My mother? What if it had two heads?
#169
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Moss! Listen, I think you're fine
#170
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and there are other people here who need me more.
#171
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But...
#172
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I've been having dark thoughts.
#173
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Dark thoughts?
#174
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Yes. Thoughts about dark things...
#175
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What sort of dark things?
#176
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Things that are dark...
#177
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Like what?
#178
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Darkness... night...
#179
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Things of the night...
#180
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Dracula...
#181
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You haven't been thinking about self-harm?
#182
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Self-harm, yes! Harm!
#183
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Harm with the self.
#184
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Suicide...
#185
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For starters, yes.
#186
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Moss,
#187
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I do not think that you are suicidal.
#188
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Why? Why not? I tell you,
#189
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I'm at the end of my flipping tether!
#190
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Moss! It's not like you to use that sort of language!
#191
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– Flip off! – Moss!
#192
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For God's sake!
#193
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– Yes! – Roy!
#194
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Sorry Roy! I may be speaking louder at the moment
#195
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because I'm wearing ear-plugs.
#196
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Why are you wearing ear-plugs?
#197
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That's right!
#198
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– What? – What's this contraption?
#199
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I'm... I'm stealing food from this machine.
#200
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– Yeah! – You know I do!
#201
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Oh, by the way, Roy, your work on Project Iccarus was very good.
#202
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Well done, you did a great job! Thanks!
#203
⇓
Yep? I can't hear you!
#204
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What's wrong with you?
#205
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Oh my God, you're crying?
#206
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I'm not crying! You're crying!
#207
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– What's wrong? – Nothing's wrong!
#208
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I'm fine! Will you stop getting at me? You're always getting at me!
#209
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I'm not getting at you! Stop shouting at me!
#210
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Why are these things always so hard to open?!
#211
⇓
Oh my God!
#212
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Wow, calm down, everybody!
#213
⇓
What on Earth is going on?!
#214
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I don't know, I feel weird.
#215
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I've... I've been swearing like a flipping docker!
#216
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Denholm's just thanked me for Project Iccarus
#217
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and I started crying like an actress!
#218
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What's going on?!
#219
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Maybe it's all this stuff that you both eat.
#220
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– Oh will you get off that? – No, honestly, it's true!
#221
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Okay, Moss, what did you have for breakfast this morning?
#222
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– Smarties cereals. – Oh my God!
#223
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I didn't even know Smarties made a cereal.
#224
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They don't. It's just Smarties in a bowl with milk.
#225
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Case closed!
#226
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It's too much sugar, that's all!
#227
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No no! Hold on now!
#228
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I basically live on sugar
#229
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and we've never had these problems before.
#230
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The only other explanation is...
#231
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No, no. It's silly.
#232
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What?
#233
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Well...
#234
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I feel ridiculous even saying it but...
#235
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Where I worked before,
#236
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there was me and a few other girls, Liz and Susan and
#237
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whenever Aunt Irma was visiting me,
#238
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we all kind of...
#239
⇓
synchronized.
#240
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What's that got to do with us?
#241
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Well...
#242
⇓
– You think... – Well maybe...
#243
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– You're not saying... – I know it sounds crazy.
#244
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Wow! You don't think that Aunt Irma is visiting us?
#245
⇓
The symptoms, Roy!
#246
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I am a man! He's a man! We're men!
#247
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Okay, okay! Tell me how you're feeling?
#248
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I feel delicate.
#249
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And... annoyed...
#250
⇓
And...
#251
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I think I'm ugly.
#252
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That's her!
#253
⇓
This is ridiculous!
#254
⇓
I've never heard anything so...
#255
⇓
bizarre in my life!
#256
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Oh stop shouting at her! You're always shouting at her
#257
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and it's not fair! It's not fair!
#258
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You don't believe this theory, do you?
#259
⇓
– No! – No.
#260
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– It's non sense, isn't it? – She's so silly!
#261
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– Sugar! – Yeah...
#262
⇓
What?
#263
⇓
That's not what's causing it.
#264
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You think it's Irma?
#265
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Yes. Don't you?
#266
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No!
#267
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I'm a man! We're men!
#268
⇓
Well, if it's true,
#269
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it's the scientific breakthrough of the afternoon.
#270
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It's not true!
#271
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Don't worry, I wasn't about to look foolish
#272
⇓
by jumping to conclusions, so I've sent an e-mail out
#273
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asking everyone's opinions.
#274
⇓
Right. Well, that's a good idea.
#275
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No, sorry. Could you run that part to me again?
#276
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I've sent it to everyone in my address book.
#277
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You should have one.
#278
⇓
What?
#279
⇓
Do we have PMT?
#280
⇓
You sent this out?!
#281
⇓
Oh you signed it from both of us!
#282
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You signed it from both of us!
#283
⇓
Yes. Along with a list of symptoms.
#284
⇓
"Headachy", "Weakened",
#285
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"Irritability, anxiety!"
#286
⇓
"Breast tenderness!"
#287
⇓
I get that, don't you?
#288
⇓
Yes!
#289
⇓
But you cannot tell the entire I.T. community
#290
⇓
that we have PMT!
#291
⇓
Come on! No one would use that sort of information against us.
#292
⇓
Now, wait a second! They would, wouldn't they? Oh no!
#293
⇓
There's probably a whole website devoted to us already!
#294
⇓
Oh I only posted it about an hour ago.
#295
⇓
Google our names!
#296
⇓
Oh no!
#297
⇓
What do we gotta do?
#298
⇓
I don't know!
#299
⇓
Come on! It's my turn with the bottle.
#300
⇓
God, sorry Richmond, sorry. I always forget you work here.
#301
⇓
Yeah. I seldom normally come out this far, only
#302
⇓
could you have a word with Moss and Roy?
#303
⇓
Ever since they got famous, they've been at each other's throats.
#304
⇓
– Famous? – Yes. Google their names.
#305
⇓
Oh my God! How many entries do they have?
#306
⇓
Thousands...
#307
⇓
Mosse's e-mail's spreading like a virus!
#308
⇓
You've unleashed a monster with that aunt Irma business.
#309
⇓
Yes Richmond. Tell me, how come Aunt Irma isn't affecting you?
#310
⇓
Of course it is! I've been feeling very gloomy all day!
#311
⇓
Not my usual cheery self at all!
#312
⇓
Yeah. I guess it's just difficult to tell
#313
⇓
underneath all that make-up.
#314
⇓
I'm not wearing make-up!
#315
⇓
Could you have a word?
#316
⇓
They're driving me out of my tiny little mind.
#317
⇓
Guys! You gonna have to...
#318
⇓
Oh my goodness! What happened to your face?
#319
⇓
We had an argument.
#320
⇓
Oh God, have you seen this? What's happening?
#321
⇓
The rioting has been going
#322
⇓
on all night.
#323
⇓
The men involved are young, angry and
#324
⇓
almost all of them work with computers.
#325
⇓
This is insane! What's going on?!
#326
⇓
In Tokyo, two games designers
#327
⇓
went on the rampage in a shopping centre
#328
⇓
and frightened a dog!
#329
⇓
In Hamburg, a group of software developers
#330
⇓
shouted at a bus.
#331
⇓
The situation is completely out of cont...
#332
⇓
And it's all because of Aunt Irma.
#333
⇓
But how?
#334
⇓
You shouldn't have sent out this e-mail detailing the symptoms.
#335
⇓
You know how suggestible and easily swayed I.T. people are...
#336
⇓
– That's not true! – Yes it is!
#337
⇓
No you're right. Of course it is.
#338
⇓
You shouldn't have sent that e-mail, Moss!
#339
⇓
Oh don't blame me!
#340
⇓
– It's your fault! – Guys!
#341
⇓
Guys, come on! You're fighting!
#342
⇓
It's like you're in a trance!
#343
⇓
No, you're right! We shouldn't be doing this!
#344
⇓
This is enough! We never fight!
#345
⇓
We have to do something.
#346
⇓
Yeah, whatever.
#347
⇓
I'm going in.
#348
⇓
Damn it Roy! I never thought it would come to this!
#349
⇓
The hell it has!
#350
⇓
She's the only one that's had direct contact with Irma.
#351
⇓
If we can just calm her down then...
#352
⇓
We can hope and pray that everybody else calms down too.
#353
⇓
You've got big balls, Roy!
#354
⇓
Thanks.
#355
⇓
You're very welcome.
#356
⇓
Hiya!
#357
⇓
Can't even find a bloody pen in here!
#358
⇓
How is my soldier?
#359
⇓
What do you want?!
#360
⇓
I just came in for a little chat.
#361
⇓
You are looking good today!
#362
⇓
– Ah, thank you. – So slim!
#363
⇓
Yeah, I'm trying to stay in shape, you know...
#364
⇓
Oh your hair looks great!
#365
⇓
Yeah. Hair conditioner.
#366
⇓
The action on this is great!
#367
⇓
Hello!
#368
⇓
Hello Maurice.
#369
⇓
I have to tell you I've a little confession to make.
#370
⇓
As you may or may not know, for ethical reasons,
#371
⇓
I'm required not to have any...
#372
⇓
relations with any of my patients.
#373
⇓
But for the last few months,
#374
⇓
I've been developing some
#375
⇓
warm...
#376
⇓
feelings towards you.
#377
⇓
And the real reason I terminated your therapy
#378
⇓
was so that I could explore...
#379
⇓
some of these feelings...
#380
⇓
I see...
#381
⇓
Jen,
#382
⇓
I was just wondering,
#383
⇓
when you were working in your old job, with the girls,
#384
⇓
if things ever got on top of you,
#385
⇓
what would you do to...
#386
⇓
relax?
#387
⇓
We'd have a big girls' night out.
#388
⇓
I'd love that actually.
#389
⇓
A big girly night out!
#390
⇓
There aren't chances of that round here.
#391
⇓
Not necessarily.
#392
⇓
Mom?!
#393
⇓
This is my psychiatrist.
#394
⇓
Oh! No. No, I'm... I'm sorry.
#395
⇓
It's just that you...
#396
⇓
You look exactly like my mother.
#397
⇓
No, no! But that... that... don't be offended by that.
#398
⇓
She's... she's a very sexy woman.
#399
⇓
Not not... not that I would want to have sex with her...
#400
⇓
I know that that's what you psychiatrists think!
#401
⇓
But I swear to God that there's nothing to it in my case!
#402
⇓
You know my mother wouldn't stand for any of that kind of nonsense!
#403
⇓
I can just hear her now...
#404
⇓
"What are you doing Roy?"
#405
⇓
"What are you doing?!"
#406
⇓
You handled that well!
#407
⇓
That's the psychiatrist!
#408
⇓
Yes, I...
#409
⇓
I think she's my girlfriend now.
#410
⇓
No, Moss! Listen to me.
#411
⇓
You can never see that woman again.
#412
⇓
She looks exactly like my mother.
#413
⇓
Oh stop it. You're exaggerating.
#414
⇓
She's the spit of her!
#415
⇓
Oh come on. What went on in there?
#416
⇓
All right. Okay.
#417
⇓
What would you say...
#418
⇓
to a big girls' night out?
#419
⇓
How big are the girls?
#420
⇓
I can't believe I'd never seen "Steel Magnolias"!
#421
⇓
Oh my God! It's good, isn't it?
#422
⇓
– I know what we could watch next! – Yeah!
#423
⇓
– Your really liked that film? – Yes. Didn't you?
#424
⇓
No! It was heart-warming!
#425
⇓
Well I feel like a princess, Roy!
#426
⇓
And don't tell me you don't feel the same!
#427
⇓
Well, my breast-tenderness has gone.
#428
⇓
No! What am I talking about?! I'm a man! We're men!
#429
⇓
It's the worst night of my life!
#430
⇓
Hiya!
#431
⇓
Okay!
#432
⇓
Beaches... or... Dirty Dancing!
#433
⇓
Oh, Beaches! No! Dirty Dancing!
#434
⇓
– Oh I can't decide! – Do!
#435
⇓
God! Dear God!
#436
⇓
I don't know which one to watch either!
#437
⇓
Oh hey! But you know what we should do?
#438
⇓
– What? – Something else!
#439
⇓
Oh! I know!
#440
⇓
Why don't we go to the thank you party?
#441
⇓
But I thought you didn't want to go.
#442
⇓
Well, you know...
#443
⇓
Everybody else is there, and they did nothing
#444
⇓
– and we did all the work! – Yeah...
#445
⇓
– Screw them! – Yeah! Screw them!
#446
⇓
– Ok, come on! Let's go girls! – Yeah!
#447
⇓
Ok but first,
#448
⇓
10 minutes of Beaches!
#449
⇓
Oh Lord!
#450
⇓
Oh yes, I suggest I ask Dr. Mendall to join us.
#451
⇓
What?
#452
⇓
Moss! Over here!
#453
⇓
What shall we do?
#454
⇓
Nothing...
#455
⇓
I just... I really need to get drunk.
#456
⇓
Yeah, I'd like to get drunk.
#457
⇓
– We should get drunk together then. – Okay, yeah.
#458
⇓
We should get so drunk that we don't know what's going on.
#459
⇓
All right.
#460
⇓
...and, turned out, 4 dead cyclists on my fault!
#461
⇓
Brilliant! Same thing I...
#462
⇓
I.T. guys! Can we?!
#463
⇓
Oh dear.
#464
⇓
Oh my God! I didn't!
#465
⇓
I didn't!
#466
⇓
Good morning!
#467
⇓
I've made you a cup of tea.
#468
⇓
Ah, thanks mom.
#469
⇓
Mom?
#470
⇓
That's interesting!
#471
⇓
To be continued.
#472
⇓
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