Home » The Boys » S04E06 — Dirty Business

The Boys

Season 4, Episode 6 — Dirty Business

[Butcher] The answer to all our prayers.

#1

⇓

A virus that kills Supes.

#2

⇓

[Frenchie] Somebody's been running tests.

#3

⇓

Holy shit.

#4

⇓

Let's go.

#5

⇓

Sameer, is the virus gone?

#6

⇓

[Butcher] That's the only dose.

#7

⇓

So we inject it into your dead buddy over here,

#8

⇓

to infect the crazy fucking flying sheep.

#9

⇓

-Where's Sameer? -[FBSA agent] We couldn't find Dr. Shah.

#10

⇓

She knew the difference between right and wrong.

#11

⇓

That baby killer!

#12

⇓

-[grunting] -[Sage] You set me up

#13

⇓

and you fell for it.

#14

⇓

[Homelander] What's your next step?

#15

⇓

[Sage] The world ripped down, rebuilt in your image.

#16

⇓

Jesus fucking Christ, are you serious?

#17

⇓

Shh.

#18

⇓

[Homelander] We recently found a leak.

#19

⇓

-I'm still gonna fuck your wife. -[grunts]

#20

⇓

[Hugh Sr.] There's something wrong with me.

#21

⇓

I don't know what to do!

#22

⇓

I love you so much.

#23

⇓

[Hughie crying]

#24

⇓

[Frenchie] Some sins deserve eternal damnation.

#25

⇓

I have committed murders.

#26

⇓

We don't belong with decent people.

#27

⇓

We are monsters so other people don't have to be.

#28

⇓

[Sameer] You chopped off my fucking leg!

#29

⇓

You'll be back to work in no time.

#30

⇓

-What work? -[Butcher] You're gonna make us

#31

⇓

some more of that virus.

#32

⇓

Wakey-wakey, eggs and bakey, motherfucker.

#33

⇓

[groans]

#34

⇓

Now listen up, son.

#35

⇓

We been awfully patient with you...

#36

⇓

...but it's time to stop fucking about and get the job done.

#37

⇓

[gags, exhales]

#38

⇓

Mary's little lamb is starting to stink.

#39

⇓

I could just bash your fucking head in, jog your memory.

#40

⇓

Or, alternatively...

#41

⇓

...you just give us a list of what you need

#42

⇓

to extract the virus.

#43

⇓

You cut off my fucking leg, you chain me here... For what?

#44

⇓

[panicked groan]

#45

⇓

[Butcher] Listen, mate. I'm the only thing

#46

⇓

that's standing between you and a murderball game at the Y.

#47

⇓

You don't understand, I can't.

#48

⇓

I can't. Vicky, Zoe... I can't.

#49

⇓

[screams]

#50

⇓

Could just send you back to them in a fucking bucket,

#51

⇓

you don't do whatever the fuck we say.

#52

⇓

[coughing]

#53

⇓

You all right?

#54

⇓

Yeah, right as rain.

#55

⇓

You got a week.

#56

⇓

And make it strong enough to top Homelander.

#57

⇓

A week? This could take months!

#58

⇓

A week.

#59

⇓

[sobs]

#60

⇓

Don't let him fall asleep this time.

#61

⇓

[jarring music playing]

#62

⇓

To my right, your left, is the famous Beresford Hotel

#63

⇓

out of where Ralph Fiennes's Chris Marshall pursued

#64

⇓

JLo's maid Marisa, asking if any part of their love was real.

#65

⇓

[guide continues indistinctly]

#66

⇓

[Daphne] You know, this has got to be a health code violation.

#67

⇓

[Hughie] It's what he wanted.

#68

⇓

My God, did he love Maid in Manhattan.

#69

⇓

-[sighs] Man, that movie sucks. -It's so bad.

#70

⇓

-Right? -It's so bad.

#71

⇓

[both chuckling]

#72

⇓

I just feel like maybe I shouldn't leave, you know?

#73

⇓

You know, you can call me anytime, I can come in same day...

#74

⇓

Yeah, but people back home really need their Voughtality beauty care, right?

#75

⇓

Really, I'm...

#76

⇓

-I'm fine. -Yeah?

#77

⇓

Yeah.

#78

⇓

Is she okay?

#79

⇓

[Hughie] Kimiko? Our friend Frenchie

#80

⇓

just turned himself in for a bunch of murders he committed

#81

⇓

for this Russian mob boss,

#82

⇓

but Kimiko's upset that he didn't talk to her about it first, so...

#83

⇓

Who the fuck are your friends?

#84

⇓

Abortion is murder!

#85

⇓

Abortion is murder!

#86

⇓

-Hey, fuck off, asshole! -Hughie, Hughie...

#87

⇓

Hey, stop, stop, please, please, please.

#88

⇓

Okay, sorry. I'm sorry.

#89

⇓

-I'm sorry. -I am so sorry, Daphne, I'm so sorry.

#90

⇓

-That man is a piece of shit, dear. -[laughs softly]

#91

⇓

Folks, this way.

#92

⇓

That's not part of the tour. [chuckles]

#93

⇓

[indistinct chatter]

#94

⇓

[officer] Patterson.

#95

⇓

Villanueva family. Davies.

#96

⇓

Line up for the next visitor shuttle.

#97

⇓

Inmate's name and DIN?

#98

⇓

Inmate refused visitation.

#99

⇓

Next.

#100

⇓

[wistful music playing]

#101

⇓

♪ ♪

#102

⇓

[rock music playing]

#103

⇓

♪ USA... ♪

#104

⇓

Hope y'all are having a blessed day.

#105

⇓

Cameron Coleman has taken a sabbatical, and I'm tickled to announce

#106

⇓

that I'm filling in as the evening news anchor.

#107

⇓

So without further ado, our top story...

#108

⇓

are Jewish space lasers brainwashing you into joining their shuls?

#109

⇓

Our story tonight begins with Jerry Brown,

#110

⇓

the Rand Corporation and the Manischewitz kosher--

#111

⇓

[app chimes]

#112

⇓

[gentle music plays]

#113

⇓

[app voice] ...let your intention connect

#114

⇓

with an almost affectionate attention

#115

⇓

-toward the breath. -[inhales]

#116

⇓

[exhales]

#117

⇓

[phone ringing]

#118

⇓

[growls]

#119

⇓

[A-Train over phone] Hey, this is so fucked--

#120

⇓

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.

#121

⇓

-[Mother's Milk] Where are you? -Toronto, so we could talk.

#122

⇓

They killed Cameron Coleman because they thought that he was the fucking leak.

#123

⇓

Oh, shit.

#124

⇓

Listen, I can't do this shit anymore, man.

#125

⇓

-I'm done! -All right.

#126

⇓

No one ever said this would be easy.

#127

⇓

Think about your brother, your nephews...

#128

⇓

They'd be so proud of you, man.

#129

⇓

Who cares what my family thinks if I'm already fucking dead?

#130

⇓

Calm down.

#131

⇓

Now walk me through everything.

#132

⇓

And let's process this shit together, all right?

#133

⇓

This is so fucked!

#134

⇓

So before Cameron got beaten to death,

#135

⇓

Homelander was seen putting Supes together like a...

#136

⇓

An army.

#137

⇓

Mm-hmm.

#138

⇓

And then A-Train saw Tek-Knight talking to Sage.

#139

⇓

Looked like they were planning something--

#140

⇓

You want to talk to Tek-Knight.

#141

⇓

Now, he's having a Federalist Society party tonight at his estate.

#142

⇓

[Annie] I cannot believe that this is about

#143

⇓

to come out of my mouth, but... [sighs]

#144

⇓

...we could use Butcher.

#145

⇓

Have you heard from him?

#146

⇓

Motherfucker's MIA.

#147

⇓

[Annie] Hey.

#148

⇓

Maybe you should sit this out. You know?

#149

⇓

You've just been through so much. With your dad...

#150

⇓

I'm fine.

#151

⇓

Focusing on work is exactly what I need to do right now, okay?

#152

⇓

Just trust me.

#153

⇓

Okay.

#154

⇓

Okay. So, how are we supposed to sneak into an alt-right cocktail party?

#155

⇓

Thought you'd never ask.

#156

⇓

Webweaver?

#157

⇓

[♪ Tone-Loc: "Wild Thing"]

#158

⇓

[sniffing]

#159

⇓

I know you.

#160

⇓

Where's the limey?

#161

⇓

Don't worry about all that. I got your medicine.

#162

⇓

Usually Beardy McBritish wants some dirt in exchange, but...

#163

⇓

I'm fresh out.

#164

⇓

Unless there's another way I can pay?

#165

⇓

Wink-wink.

#166

⇓

On the house, for being a loyal CI.

#167

⇓

[groans]

#168

⇓

Yo. I'm-I'm, I'm pretty fucked up, no cap.

#169

⇓

Would you mind doing the honors?

#170

⇓

Fuck you mean?

#171

⇓

-Shoot it up my pooper, dawg. -Motherfucker, you done lost your mind.

#172

⇓

There's some lube on the table here.

#173

⇓

Squeeze bottle, not the pump.

#174

⇓

The blue one on the right. With the water base.

#175

⇓

No fucking way.

#176

⇓

A.G., A.G.

#177

⇓

[groaning]

#178

⇓

I'll boof that shit later.

#179

⇓

♪ Wild thing, wild thing... ♪

#180

⇓

♪ She love to do...

#181

⇓

Fuck.

#182

⇓

Oh, yeah, really get it up in there, dawg.

#183

⇓

[grunts softly]

#184

⇓

Oh, yo, yo! [shouts]

#185

⇓

-What? -That's my web hole!

#186

⇓

Ohh, back up, back it up, back it up.

#187

⇓

-Oh. Fuck. -[groaning]

#188

⇓

-Oh. Fuck. -Oh. Oh...

#189

⇓

All right.

#190

⇓

[panting]

#191

⇓

Ooh.

#192

⇓

-[farts] -[grunts]

#193

⇓

Oh. Yo. My bad.

#194

⇓

Hey.

#195

⇓

Uh...

#196

⇓

You good?

#197

⇓

Want some Purell or...? Okay, yep. Coming in. Coming in.

#198

⇓

There you go.

#199

⇓

Okay.

#200

⇓

Ain't enough Purell in the fucking world.

#201

⇓

How, uh... how long's he gonna be out for?

#202

⇓

With as much Rohypnol I shot up his ass, at least 48 hours.

#203

⇓

Get his pants.

#204

⇓

[beat-heavy music playing]

#205

⇓

[guests chattering indistinctly]

#206

⇓

[Tek-Knight] There's the big man!

#207

⇓

The myth, the legend, the symbol of America.

#208

⇓

-[chuckling] -[guests cheering]

#209

⇓

Please. We're all patriots here.

#210

⇓

Good evening, sir. How are you?

#211

⇓

-This is Ryan, my son. -[ambient music playing]

#212

⇓

How's that gavel, Mr. Speaker?

#213

⇓

Well, it, uh, might've taken 18 rounds of voting, but we got there,

#214

⇓

-didn't we? -[laughs]

#215

⇓

You know, sir, it's humbling

#216

⇓

to see your commitment to America.

#217

⇓

Greatest country on Earth.

#218

⇓

-Can't wait to see you inherit The Seven one of these days. -[chuckles]

#219

⇓

Those are mighty big boots to fill.

#220

⇓

Yeah.

#221

⇓

[Tek-Knight] Oh, Captain...

#222

⇓

my captain.

#223

⇓

It is such an honor to have you here.

#224

⇓

I mean, the two top heroes together.

#225

⇓

Can't you just smell the team-up?

#226

⇓

You know, Sage and I might need you for the moment,

#227

⇓

but let's get one thing straight--

#228

⇓

there is no team-up.

#229

⇓

We're not equals.

#230

⇓

You're pathetic.

#231

⇓

You can't even fly, for God's sakes.

#232

⇓

Come on, buddy.

#233

⇓

[Tek-Knight laughing]

#234

⇓

Ah! Oh, what a cutup.

#235

⇓

♪ ♪

#236

⇓

[Sage] What part of

#237

⇓

"you're an idiot child not welcome at the adult table" do you not understand?

#238

⇓

Oh, I thought you knew everything.

#239

⇓

Tek Knight invited me.

#240

⇓

We go way back.

#241

⇓

It's so good to see you here.

#242

⇓

...and The Whole Truth got picked up for another season on Vought+.

#243

⇓

It's a hit.

#244

⇓

Must be, if you got all this.

#245

⇓

No, you--

#246

⇓

you don't get this from entertainment money.

#247

⇓

This is real money.

#248

⇓

Eleven generations' money.

#249

⇓

Oh.

#250

⇓

The Vernon family started out as slave catchers.

#251

⇓

Now we own more private prisons than any other company in the U.S. of A.

#252

⇓

And you sure know how to fill them.

#253

⇓

From snout to tail, I catch, house,

#254

⇓

and rehab criminals, and then I catch them

#255

⇓

-all over again. -[laughs]

#256

⇓

You know, I bet A-Train here would've given my great-great-granddaddy

#257

⇓

-a run for his money. Ah? -[Firecracker] Oh.

#258

⇓

But we would've caught you.

#259

⇓

-[Firecracker] Ooh. [laughs] -[chuckling]

#260

⇓

I guess we'll never know.

#261

⇓

[intriguing music playing]

#262

⇓

[Mother's Milk] Come on out, kid.

#263

⇓

[Hughie] You guys are gonna laugh.

#264

⇓

No one is gonna laugh.

#265

⇓

[groans]

#266

⇓

[ragged exhale]

#267

⇓

[chuckling]

#268

⇓

Guys, come on. You-you promised.

#269

⇓

-[Annie] Oh, my God. -[Hughie] Okay, you know what?

#270

⇓

Ah!

#271

⇓

Fuck you guys.

#272

⇓

[coughs]

#273

⇓

How did a junkie like Webweaver score an invite to this anyway?

#274

⇓

Don't know. But A-Train said he's on the list.

#275

⇓

God, why does he wear it so tight? [sniffs]

#276

⇓

Smells like ass sweat and broken dreams in here.

#277

⇓

Good, it'll hide your scent from Tek Knight.

#278

⇓

You don't want to give him any tells.

#279

⇓

Wait. Tek Knight has super smell?

#280

⇓

Yeah. Smell, vision, taste, touch.

#281

⇓

-He's like Sherlock Holmes on meth. -I don't like this.

#282

⇓

He's gonna make Hughie.

#283

⇓

[Mother's Milk] How else are we gonna find out what Sage is cooking?

#284

⇓

Just got to work fast, kid.

#285

⇓

Take these bugs, put 'em all over the party,

#286

⇓

and lure Tek Knight back here as soon as you can.

#287

⇓

-Okay. -We'll take care of the rest.

#288

⇓

[Annie] Oh, God.

#289

⇓

Okay. Comm check-ins every two minutes.

#290

⇓

Just say something, okay?

#291

⇓

-Anything. -Yeah. Copy.

#292

⇓

In Webweaver's voice, motherfucker.

#293

⇓

Uh... [imitates Webweaver] Copy, dawg.

#294

⇓

Hey...

#295

⇓

I'm fine.

#296

⇓

All right? Trust me.

#297

⇓

[Annie] Okay.

#298

⇓

Ooh, that is... ripe.

#299

⇓

[Elijah] Webweaver.

#300

⇓

Master Knight's expecting you.

#301

⇓

He'll be thrilled.

#302

⇓

[clears throat] Yeah, uh, so am I, dawg.

#303

⇓

Fuck, oh, fuck. The Seven are here.

#304

⇓

[Mother's Milk over earpiece] Just hurry up and plant the bugs, Hughie.

#305

⇓

-Oh, shit, I'm so sorry. I... -Jesus fucking--

#306

⇓

Madam...

#307

⇓

-Vice President-elect. -Oh, shit.

#308

⇓

[Hughie] Uh...

#309

⇓

[suspenseful music playing]

#310

⇓

Um...

#311

⇓

Webweaver.

#312

⇓

That's quite a scent.

#313

⇓

-Webweaver! -[exclaims]

#314

⇓

You made it.

#315

⇓

Oh, it's so good to meet you in person. Finally.

#316

⇓

Feels like I already know you.

#317

⇓

[Hughie] Yeah, I know. Me too.

#318

⇓

No... cap?

#319

⇓

Really, I'm honored that you would even consider the sidekick gig.

#320

⇓

I know it's a big change, but if tonight goes well...

#321

⇓

-...it's yours. -Oh.

#322

⇓

Uh, w-well, great.

#323

⇓

-Mm-hmm. -Um, that's... great.

#324

⇓

Well, you know, I've never been to an estate before.

#325

⇓

-Mm. -Um, do you guys have stables?

#326

⇓

[Tek-Knight laughing]

#327

⇓

Let's get the tour started inside.

#328

⇓

-Okay? Come on. [chuckles] -[Hughie] Okay. Got it.

#329

⇓

[Sage] What happened to you?

#330

⇓

You look like you got ass-fucked by the business end of a hammer.

#331

⇓

Well, maybe I don't want to be at this CPAC nightmare

#332

⇓

any more than they want me here.

#333

⇓

There's gonna be a little sidebar later on.

#334

⇓

One percent of the one percent.

#335

⇓

Sage here is going to lube them up with cognac and Montecristos,

#336

⇓

and then convince them to commit a little high treason.

#337

⇓

I'm sorry, what the fuck?

#338

⇓

Why would I expose myself like that?

#339

⇓

Because in this room is 38% of the U.S. GDP.

#340

⇓

And if we have a shot in hell of pulling off the 25th Amendment, we need them.

#341

⇓

Do you want to be el jefe or not?

#342

⇓

Good. Now, you're the virgin at prom.

#343

⇓

Go get finger-popped.

#344

⇓

Oh, hey.

#345

⇓

You hear about Stan Edgar?

#346

⇓

Well, what about him?

#347

⇓

Well, apparently, he got released from prison.

#348

⇓

Hmm. Details are fairly sketchy as to why.

#349

⇓

How. But, yeah, he got out.

#350

⇓

Hasn't been seen since.

#351

⇓

Well, he's nothing if not slippery.

#352

⇓

I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner.

#353

⇓

He can't hurt us.

#354

⇓

Mm-hmm.

#355

⇓

That's why I went to the Safdies to direct.

#356

⇓

[Mother's Milk] Okay, Hughie, check in.

#357

⇓

-No more PG-13 bullshit. -Oh, wow, I love these, uh, these orchid prints

#358

⇓

in your... stairway.

#359

⇓

Oh, wow.

#360

⇓

I love your study. So many books.

#361

⇓

[Tek-Knight] Got the original Beecher Stowe Uncle Tom's Cabin.

#362

⇓

-Cool. -Mm-hmm.

#363

⇓

Cool, cool.

#364

⇓

Now, look, uh, I don't do this for just anybody, but, uh...

#365

⇓

you want to see the Tek Cave?

#366

⇓

The Tek Ca-- Uh...

#367

⇓

S-Sure, I mean, uh, fuck yeah, dawg.

#368

⇓

Oh, it's one of those pull-the-book, hidden-elevator-thingies.

#369

⇓

Like in my movies.

#370

⇓

-[Hughie] Like in your movies. -Shit.

#371

⇓

Huh.

#372

⇓

[static]

#373

⇓

Hughie.

#374

⇓

[elevator bell dings]

#375

⇓

[birds fluttering]

#376

⇓

Oh, my God.

#377

⇓

Uh...

#378

⇓

Oh, wow.

#379

⇓

[water dripping]

#380

⇓

This is the Tek Cave. Cool, cool.

#381

⇓

[Tek-Knight] Ah, you've met Elijah.

#382

⇓

Raised me since I lost my parents.

#383

⇓

He's like a dad to me.

#384

⇓

Isn't that right, Elijah?

#385

⇓

That's correct, Master Knight.

#386

⇓

There's nothing greater than a father's guiding hand.

#387

⇓

You know?

#388

⇓

That's for sure.

#389

⇓

Jesus. You didn't get all the santorum off the gibbet cage!

#390

⇓

It'll be taken care of, sir.

#391

⇓

-[groans] -Most certainly.

#392

⇓

-[static] -We got to pull him out.

#393

⇓

No, no, no. Look, j-just hold on.

#394

⇓

[muffled groaning]

#395

⇓

-Uh... -[moaning]

#396

⇓

[moaning]

#397

⇓

Who is that?

#398

⇓

That's my last sidekick.

#399

⇓

[pained moans]

#400

⇓

I don't like liars.

#401

⇓

The whole culture down here is based on trust.

#402

⇓

Huh.

#403

⇓

[heart beating rapidly]

#404

⇓

Are you agitated?

#405

⇓

No, I'm fine.

#406

⇓

I get it.

#407

⇓

This is all a little vanilla for you.

#408

⇓

But... don't worry.

#409

⇓

Tonight, we're really gonna push ourselves...

#410

⇓

[shaky inhale] ...to your level.

#411

⇓

[chains rattling]

#412

⇓

[Laddio grunting]

#413

⇓

[muffled speech]

#414

⇓

[Deep] Hey. Dude.

#415

⇓

Are you fucking nuts?

#416

⇓

Put your mask back on.

#417

⇓

G-Get out of his chair. What are you doing?

#418

⇓

You know what's funny? I hate sake.

#419

⇓

But I'm supposed to follow some stupid Black ninja bullshit,

#420

⇓

which makes no goddamn sense, by the way.

#421

⇓

You ever meet a Black ninja?

#422

⇓

Lower your voice.

#423

⇓

There's nobody here.

#424

⇓

They left us like babies so they could go do important stuff.

#425

⇓

-We don't matter. -Hey.

#426

⇓

Speak for yourself. I'm doing a ton of important shit.

#427

⇓

Yeah? Like what?

#428

⇓

Need-to-know, bro. Need-to-fucking-know.

#429

⇓

Fuck it. I'm done with all this shit.

#430

⇓

You're quitting?

#431

⇓

What are you gonna do? Seven's the biggest gig there is.

#432

⇓

Look, I don't understand Noir, okay?

#433

⇓

You know there was nothing in his closet

#434

⇓

but literally like seven file boxes of shitty Buster Beaver drawings?

#435

⇓

Why'd he have that?

#436

⇓

Who the fuck knows or cares?

#437

⇓

[sighs] I'm going to Missouri tomorrow.

#438

⇓

I booked Cirque de Vought's new show, VIVANT! Music of the Bee Gees.

#439

⇓

Three nights a week in Branson.

#440

⇓

They're gonna let me fly.

#441

⇓

I can fly, did you know that?

#442

⇓

Yeah, dude, we all know that. Look, why didn't you just come to me?

#443

⇓

About what?

#444

⇓

Seriously? Dude.

#445

⇓

[sighs] Man, me and the old Noir?

#446

⇓

We were like great bros, like real bros.

#447

⇓

[sighs] Give me this.

#448

⇓

[glassware clinking]

#449

⇓

Few years ago, Noir cleared out an entire Indonesian fishing village.

#450

⇓

Vought Fresh Farms was expanding their palm oil plantation,

#451

⇓

but the locals were bitching 'cause they needed the river

#452

⇓

to survive or whatever the fuck.

#453

⇓

Noir "cancelled" two dozen of 'em.

#454

⇓

Came back with a raging hard-on for a week.

#455

⇓

[chuckles]

#456

⇓

No, dude, see, what you're not getting

#457

⇓

is how horny killing made the old Noir.

#458

⇓

That was his whole thing.

#459

⇓

But I don't really like violence.

#460

⇓

[inhales, sighs]

#461

⇓

Look, I know this is hard to imagine, but...

#462

⇓

some people laugh at me.

#463

⇓

[chuckles] It's crazy, right?

#464

⇓

Yeah.

#465

⇓

But you know what I realized?

#466

⇓

When I crush someone's nose into the back of their skull

#467

⇓

or beat 'em so bad that they'll never walk again?

#468

⇓

[chuckles] They're not laughing anymore.

#469

⇓

They show respect.

#470

⇓

Violence is power.

#471

⇓

I'm starting to get why it gave Noir so much chub.

#472

⇓

-[app voice] Let your intention connect. -[Annie] Oh, something is wrong.

#473

⇓

Something is really, really wrong.

#474

⇓

We should've never sent him in there.

#475

⇓

Everything that's been going on with his dad, I mean...

#476

⇓

Fuck!

#477

⇓

-M.M.! -Annie, I hear you.

#478

⇓

But what if we go in there and we blow that man's cover?

#479

⇓

Homelander is in there.

#480

⇓

Sage, Firecracker, Neuman.

#481

⇓

I'm going in.

#482

⇓

Kimiko?

#483

⇓

I'm going to move clarity forward through mindfulness.

#484

⇓

[equipment rattling]

#485

⇓

And a gang of halothane to go with it.

#486

⇓

[Butcher retching]

#487

⇓

[coughing]

#488

⇓

[panting]

#489

⇓

[grunts]

#490

⇓

[groans]

#491

⇓

Are you all right?

#492

⇓

I'm fine.

#493

⇓

How you chopped off an innocent man's leg...

#494

⇓

...does that sound fine to you?

#495

⇓

It's the only way...

#496

⇓

I'm gonna get a proper crack at Homelander.

#497

⇓

Have you talked to Ryan?

#498

⇓

Are you even trying to get him out anymore?

#499

⇓

Or is... this just the same old bloodlust all over again?

#500

⇓

Jesus Christ, you're doing me fucking head in.

#501

⇓

I'm trying to save the bleedin' world here.

#502

⇓

Claret's gonna get spilt.

#503

⇓

[sighs]

#504

⇓

I can't do...

#505

⇓

what needs to be done and keep you happy.

#506

⇓

[Becca] Billy, come on.

#507

⇓

I mean, "saving the world"? Really?

#508

⇓

You're gonna kill one Homelander...

#509

⇓

...just to end up with another.

#510

⇓

[quiet, haunting music playing]

#511

⇓

[suspenseful music playing]

#512

⇓

[distant indistinct chatter]

#513

⇓

All right, split up,

#514

⇓

stay connected, stay the fuck out of sight.

#515

⇓

Actually, we know if the rape is legitimate.

#516

⇓

The woman's body has a way to reject that pregnancy.

#517

⇓

A nationwide ban on abortion is just good policy.

#518

⇓

[gasping, screaming]

#519

⇓

Huh.

#520

⇓

Tequila shots. Reposado. Keep 'em coming.

#521

⇓

[chuckles]

#522

⇓

I just had abortion mansplained to me by a guy

#523

⇓

who refuses to be alone with any woman who isn't his wife...

#524

⇓

...or mistress.

#525

⇓

I don't know. I mean, cozying up to these people,

#526

⇓

you're fucking asking me to do the impossible here.

#527

⇓

[light piano music playing]

#528

⇓

[sighs] When I was 11, my grandma was diagnosed

#529

⇓

with Stage 3 chronic lymphocytic leukemia.

#530

⇓

God...

#531

⇓

She had the biggest laugh, but she got so small so fast.

#532

⇓

She was bed-ridden.

#533

⇓

The doctors didn't care about saving some old ex-Black Panther

#534

⇓

and they told my parents there was nothing to be done.

#535

⇓

I stayed up the next three nights and discovered a cure.

#536

⇓

Presented my research to those satisfied fat crackers,

#537

⇓

they patted me on the head, said I was adorable and laughed at me.

#538

⇓

Grandma died screaming in pain.

#539

⇓

I could cure cancer, reverse global warming,

#540

⇓

but what's the point?

#541

⇓

Humans are animals.

#542

⇓

And the lines at Voughtland are too long as it is.

#543

⇓

Why are you telling me this?

#544

⇓

Because you remember what it's like,

#545

⇓

being a little girl who no one fucking listens to.

#546

⇓

And because fuck them all.

#547

⇓

The only way women like us have ever gotten what we deserved...

#548

⇓

...one hand in their pockets while the other slits their fucking throats.

#549

⇓

Now... [sighs]

#550

⇓

You in or out?

#551

⇓

[muffled] Mm. Oh.

#552

⇓

It's a great party, huh?

#553

⇓

Y'all see all the free shrimp they got?

#554

⇓

Firecracker, it's kind of a private conversation.

#555

⇓

But I'm sure the bar has some SunnyD and Everclear.

#556

⇓

[Homelander] Where is our host?

#557

⇓

Mm. I have not seen him in a while.

#558

⇓

-[♪ Gerry Rafferty: "Baker Street"] -♪ Happy ♪

#559

⇓

♪ Just one more year...

#560

⇓

[Elijah] Master Knight.

#561

⇓

[Tek-Knight] It's your favorite. German chocolate.

#562

⇓

For the texture against the bare cheeks, right?

#563

⇓

[chuckles]

#564

⇓

♪ ♪

#565

⇓

[moaning]

#566

⇓

-Okay. Go. -Okay. Uh...

#567

⇓

Okay.

#568

⇓

-[grunts] -[Tek-Knight] Sit.

#569

⇓

[Hughie grunts]

#570

⇓

Mm-hmm.

#571

⇓

[Tek-Knight] Yeah.

#572

⇓

[Hughie] Like this?

#573

⇓

Yeah.

#574

⇓

Moosh it.

#575

⇓

[straining] Now...

#576

⇓

fart.

#577

⇓

Oh, that's-- That's okay, I don't really--

#578

⇓

[chuckles] I don't really have to, dawg.

#579

⇓

♪ About buying some land ♪

#580

⇓

♪ He's gonna give up the booze and the one-night stands...

#581

⇓

Yeah, I mean, I'm fine, though.

#582

⇓

This is fine.

#583

⇓

[grunting]

#584

⇓

[gasping]

#585

⇓

[farting]

#586

⇓

Oh, that's fucking hot.

#587

⇓

♪ Oh, you're never gonna stop moving...

#588

⇓

Ugh. You started without me?

#589

⇓

[Tek-Knight] No, no, no, no.

#590

⇓

You are just in time.

#591

⇓

[Ashley laughs]

#592

⇓

[both moan]

#593

⇓

I left a present for you in the changing room.

#594

⇓

-Mm. -And no, it's not scat.

#595

⇓

-This time. [chuckles] -[moans]

#596

⇓

♪ You're goin' ♪

#597

⇓

♪ You're goin' home ♪♪

#598

⇓

[Tek-Knight] Webweaver,

#599

⇓

clean up.

#600

⇓

We are just getting started.

#601

⇓

[Hughie] Oh, man.

#602

⇓

[door opens in distance]

#603

⇓

[door closes]

#604

⇓

[Kessler] Oh, goddamn.

#605

⇓

You really do look like warmed-up shit.

#606

⇓

Oh, go fuck yourself.

#607

⇓

Already did. Twice today.

#608

⇓

Look at how my hand cramped up.

#609

⇓

[both chuckle]

#610

⇓

You know, we got to give Sameer credit.

#611

⇓

Little fucker's a tough nut.

#612

⇓

He'll crack.

#613

⇓

Ain't got no choice.

#614

⇓

None of us do.

#615

⇓

What's that supposed to mean?

#616

⇓

[exhales]

#617

⇓

[sighs]

#618

⇓

Man, you want to know what was harder for me than going off on that last tour?

#619

⇓

Coming home.

#620

⇓

Applebee's with Tanya.

#621

⇓

Helping Joe Jr. with his trig.

#622

⇓

Fucking towel shopping.

#623

⇓

-[scoffs] -[chuckles]

#624

⇓

Everywhere I looked, I saw the faces,

#625

⇓

the ruined faces of those men that you and me tortured and killed.

#626

⇓

But see, I just-- I couldn't square up

#627

⇓

who I was at home with the shit that I'd done.

#628

⇓

And then, one night, over...

#629

⇓

boneless fucking buffalo chicken wings,

#630

⇓

it came to me.

#631

⇓

Crystal.

#632

⇓

That guy that was taking out the trash

#633

⇓

and watching SportsCenter, that wasn't me.

#634

⇓

The real me?

#635

⇓

The real me likes to hear them scream.

#636

⇓

So, now, tell me, Billy...

#637

⇓

who's the real you?

#638

⇓

[♪ Christopher Cross: "Sailing"]

#639

⇓

♪ Sailing takes me away...

#640

⇓

[Hughie] Should we get back to the party?

#641

⇓

Oh, this is the party, baby.

#642

⇓

When that shit upstairs is over, the real movers will come down here.

#643

⇓

They'll want to play with you, too.

#644

⇓

♪ Just a dream and the wind...

#645

⇓

[laughs]

#646

⇓

♪ Soon I will be free...

#647

⇓

[laughing]

#648

⇓

I'm gonna sit my swollen clit on your stupid masked face

#649

⇓

and piss like a skunk,

#650

⇓

-and I just had asparagus. -[grunts softly]

#651

⇓

You want that.

#652

⇓

[Hughie] Yes?

#653

⇓

-Yes. -[screaming]

#654

⇓

I said, you want that, Pain Slut.

#655

⇓

Yes! Yes, Mistress-- [screams]

#656

⇓

[laughing]

#657

⇓

I'm gonna bite your dick off and cook it.

#658

⇓

I am 100% a cannibal.

#659

⇓

[Hughie screams] Stop! No more. Uncle.

#660

⇓

♪ Sailing...

#661

⇓

If Webweaver wants you to stop, he'll use his safe word.

#662

⇓

♪ To where I've always heard it could be...

#663

⇓

[Hughie grunts]

#664

⇓

[laughs]

#665

⇓

[Ashley] I'm gonna feel your pink asshole

#666

⇓

around my wrist until you shit.

#667

⇓

-[Hughie] Spiderweb! -What?

#668

⇓

[Hughie] Oh, sorry, sorry.

#669

⇓

I just like to shout stuff out while I'm being tickled.

#670

⇓

I'm so fucking turned on right now.

#671

⇓

[grunts]

#672

⇓

-[laughs] -Yes.

#673

⇓

[Hughie shrieking]

#674

⇓

Yeah.

#675

⇓

Oh, it's getting pretty swampy down there.

#676

⇓

[Hughie] Tarantula!

#677

⇓

[exhales]

#678

⇓

[sniffles]

#679

⇓

[both gasp]

#680

⇓

The fuck?

#681

⇓

I'm not here for you--

#682

⇓

Oh, I don't give two shits what you're here for.

#683

⇓

Oh, I should call Homelander right now to come and laser your tits off.

#684

⇓

Fuck.

#685

⇓

Why don't you come over here and try and sucker punch me now, bitch?

#686

⇓

Look, you were right.

#687

⇓

No, don't go trying to apologize to me.

#688

⇓

I'm about to change your fucking life.

#689

⇓

I'm sorry for what I did to you when we were kids--

#690

⇓

Let me guess, that was Starlight, right?

#691

⇓

-And that's not you anymore? -No. No.

#692

⇓

I tried to run away from Starlight, tried to leave her behind,

#693

⇓

like she was a different person, but she's me.

#694

⇓

She's all me, and I said

#695

⇓

those fucking awful, awful things to you.

#696

⇓

And if I'm being honest, to other girls too, and I... [inhales]

#697

⇓

Look, it doesn't forgive you for being a cunt for what you did.

#698

⇓

But for my end of things...

#699

⇓

...I'm sorry.

#700

⇓

I am. I am so sorry.

#701

⇓

[gasps]

#702

⇓

You fucking whore.

#703

⇓

[panting]

#704

⇓

-[Ashley] Oh, John Henry! -[♪ America: "You Can Do Magic"]

#705

⇓

[moaning]

#706

⇓

♪ Anything that you desire...

#707

⇓

[clapping]

#708

⇓

[Hughie moaning]

#709

⇓

♪ You're the one who can put out the fire...

#710

⇓

Mmm.

#711

⇓

♪ When you cast your spell...

#712

⇓

God, you still got it, mommy.

#713

⇓

You still got it.

#714

⇓

[exhales]

#715

⇓

Why don't you go get changed, huh?

#716

⇓

Head back upstairs, replenish your fluids?

#717

⇓

I'll be there in a minute.

#718

⇓

Yes.

#719

⇓

[Hughie mumbles]

#720

⇓

Oh, thank you so much.

#721

⇓

I'm fine. Everything's fine.

#722

⇓

[groans softly]

#723

⇓

You having a good time?

#724

⇓

[Hughie] Oh, yeah.

#725

⇓

-Yeah? -Yeah. Just so much dried cum.

#726

⇓

You just, uh,

#727

⇓

you tap my undies, they'll shatter like peanut brittle, man.

#728

⇓

[groans]

#729

⇓

Hey, so, did I get the gig?

#730

⇓

♪ With a word, you dry my tears...

#731

⇓

[Hughie grunts] Damn it.

#732

⇓

[Tek-Knight] Just one last thing.

#733

⇓

What's your safe word?

#734

⇓

[Hughie] Uh...

#735

⇓

Uh, you know, uh, I'm actually, I'm probably gonna save that

#736

⇓

for something I-I really can't handle, but yeah, I'm good.

#737

⇓

You're trembling.

#738

⇓

-[Hughie] Mm-mm. -Your body's riddled by horripilation.

#739

⇓

Come on.

#740

⇓

It's the thing that you love the most.

#741

⇓

Say it.

#742

⇓

[Hughie] Lube?

#743

⇓

[shouting]

#744

⇓

[panting]

#745

⇓

I know you. You're Hughie Campbell.

#746

⇓

-Fuck! -This is actually great news.

#747

⇓

Not only am I gonna get points for catching you,

#748

⇓

but before I let the big guy know that you're down here...

#749

⇓

Wait, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute,

#750

⇓

wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, um...

#751

⇓

you were, hey, you were my favorite hero as a kid.

#752

⇓

Okay? You don't want to do this.

#753

⇓

Everybody always has the same holes.

#754

⇓

Over and over again,

#755

⇓

-it gets so fucking boring. -Please, I looked up to you.

#756

⇓

[Tek-Knight] Sometimes,

#757

⇓

you just got to make your own.

#758

⇓

And then fuck them.

#759

⇓

[straining]

#760

⇓

No! [screams]

#761

⇓

Where's Annie?

#762

⇓

Hughie said orchids, right?

#763

⇓

-[gasps] -Ah. Don't you fucking move.

#764

⇓

Kimiko, find Tek-Knight's stupid fucking secret passage book.

#765

⇓

All I have to do is scream.

#766

⇓

Be the last thing you do.

#767

⇓

You're smart, but you ain't bulletproof.

#768

⇓

But if you kill me, you'd have to look Janine in the eye.

#769

⇓

I said stop fucking moving.

#770

⇓

Doesn't she have enough problems?

#771

⇓

-Expelled. -[books thumping]

#772

⇓

Told a boy to "eat a bag of dicks"

#773

⇓

and then broke his arm?

#774

⇓

-You've been watching my daughter? -I mean, she gets that from you.

#775

⇓

Chip off the old block.

#776

⇓

-Shut the fuck up. -She has anger issues.

#777

⇓

Early signs of OCD. You see that, right?

#778

⇓

I said shut up.

#779

⇓

You've cursed the poor girl.

#780

⇓

No.

#781

⇓

[inhales raggedly]

#782

⇓

[high-pitched ringing]

#783

⇓

[dark music playing]

#784

⇓

[man] Look, this is a white, Christian nation

#785

⇓

founded on white, Christian values.

#786

⇓

Church and state are the same thing.

#787

⇓

And we need Supreme Court justices who will protect our values,

#788

⇓

no matter how much they cost.

#789

⇓

[smooth jazz music playing]

#790

⇓

Y'all are supposed to be undercover.

#791

⇓

What the fuck did you do?

#792

⇓

Shit. Damn.

#793

⇓

Oh, fuck no. I'm not taking him.

#794

⇓

You're gonna get me murdered.

#795

⇓

Just try it, bitch.

#796

⇓

[scoffs]

#797

⇓

Get the door.

#798

⇓

[Annie] M.M.?

#799

⇓

What the hell just happened?

#800

⇓

-[♪ 10cc: "The Things We Do for Love"] -♪ Ooh, you made me love you ♪

#801

⇓

♪ Ooh...

#802

⇓

[grunts]

#803

⇓

[whimpering]

#804

⇓

[Tek-Knight] No matter what happens,

#805

⇓

I want you to keep fighting.

#806

⇓

[screaming]

#807

⇓

[elevator bell chimes]

#808

⇓

♪ Agree to disagree ♪

#809

⇓

♪ But disagree to part...

#810

⇓

[Annie] Oh, my God.

#811

⇓

Hughie. Hughie. Are you okay?

#812

⇓

Hey, hey, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

#813

⇓

Oh, fuck. You're okay.

#814

⇓

[EMT] Hey!

#815

⇓

Do me a favor, just go wait over here, okay? Good boy.

#816

⇓

-What is going on? -Hmm?

#817

⇓

Tek-Knight, A-Train, Firecracker, they're all M.I.A.,

#818

⇓

and where the fuck have you been?

#819

⇓

I once ate a whole bag of candy corns.

#820

⇓

What?

#821

⇓

In my mouth.

#822

⇓

-I ate them. -Sage, what the fuck...

#823

⇓

[dark music playing]

#824

⇓

What happened to you?

#825

⇓

Brain damage.

#826

⇓

But now, I could really go for a Crunchwrap Supreme

#827

⇓

and a Sybian.

#828

⇓

Hey, hey, hey. Look at me.

#829

⇓

-Hmm? -Get a grip on yourself right now.

#830

⇓

Get a fucking grip. Right now. Come on, come on.

#831

⇓

[mouths]

#832

⇓

[breathes deeply]

#833

⇓

[high-pitched ringing]

#834

⇓

[ringing fades]

#835

⇓

Fuck it.

#836

⇓

Fuck it. I'll do it myself.

#837

⇓

Folks.

#838

⇓

Thank you for coming.

#839

⇓

I'm sure you're wondering why we pulled you aside,

#840

⇓

so let's get right to it.

#841

⇓

[sighs]

#842

⇓

I think we can all agree that Robert Singer

#843

⇓

is the greatest threat this nation has ever faced.

#844

⇓

He is going to destroy this whole country.

#845

⇓

You all met Ryan, my son.

#846

⇓

For his sake, I cannot and I will not

#847

⇓

-let that stand. -Does she agree?

#848

⇓

[Homelander] Of course. Especially her.

#849

⇓

She's not just eye candy.

#850

⇓

No, no, Victoria here,

#851

⇓

she's an integral part of the plan.

#852

⇓

She sees up close what a doddering slave to the woke mob Singer really is.

#853

⇓

How great the threat really is.

#854

⇓

So once he's in office, we need to act.

#855

⇓

We need to invoke the Twenty-fifth Amendment.

#856

⇓

You're-you're talking about a coup.

#857

⇓

No, I'm not.

#858

⇓

I'm talking about saving this country.

#859

⇓

Before Singer replaces us

#860

⇓

with a bunch of transgender illegals that will do everything--

#861

⇓

Save the boogeyman shit for the idiots watching VNN.

#862

⇓

How do you propose to handle the Justice Department?

#863

⇓

Well, they will all...

#864

⇓

be our appointees.

#865

⇓

Obviously.

#866

⇓

-And the military's reaction? -Or OPEC.

#867

⇓

How you gonna guarantee our oil reserves?

#868

⇓

Of course there's gonna be some birth pangs--

#869

⇓

The shock to the markets would be total.

#870

⇓

And what happens if civil servants resign

#871

⇓

en masse?

#872

⇓

With all due respect, sir, I think you got a little hitch in your giddy-up.

#873

⇓

Who's handling all this?

#874

⇓

[stammers] Great question.

#875

⇓

This is great. Great questions.

#876

⇓

Truly. And, um, uh,

#877

⇓

Sage. Sage, um…

#878

⇓

...has the details.

#879

⇓

Mmm.

#880

⇓

[others murmuring]

#881

⇓

Who's handling all this?

#882

⇓

Me.

#883

⇓

I fucking am.

#884

⇓

[chuckles] Look, I'm sure you're all wondering

#885

⇓

why I'm here tonight, instead of rimming out AOC,

#886

⇓

while shouting, "Defund the police," up her asshole. [chuckles]

#887

⇓

But I'm here tonight

#888

⇓

to tell you the truth.

#889

⇓

The truth is America is not a democracy.

#890

⇓

The word "democracy" makes people feel safe.

#891

⇓

But the founders never trusted the masses, because the truth is,

#892

⇓

the masses are fucking stupid.

#893

⇓

Anyone who owns a "Live, Laugh, Love" mug

#894

⇓

shouldn't have a say in how a country is run.

#895

⇓

People are a labor force

#896

⇓

that need a kind, but firm hand.

#897

⇓

There are no nations. There's Apple, Exxon

#898

⇓

and Berkshire Hathaway.

#899

⇓

Corporations are the real superpowers here.

#900

⇓

You should be able to operate without any regulation or restriction

#901

⇓

whatsoever. After all, you're billionaires.

#902

⇓

You are smart enough to know what's best.

#903

⇓

Bottom line?

#904

⇓

You support me, and that is what you'll fucking get.

#905

⇓

Hear, hear.

#906

⇓

-Hear, hear. -Hear, hear.

#907

⇓

[sighs]

#908

⇓

[man] Seems pretty solid.

#909

⇓

[tense music plays]

#910

⇓

[♪ Toto: "Rosanna"]

#911

⇓

♪ Meet you all the way ♪

#912

⇓

♪ Rosanna ♪

#913

⇓

♪ Meet you all the way...

#914

⇓

I've dreamt of having you down here to humiliate,

#915

⇓

-Starlight. -You've been secretly meeting with Sage.

#916

⇓

Why?

#917

⇓

You're all so fucking dead when Homelander comes down here.

#918

⇓

Do you know how fucking dead you all are?

#919

⇓

[laughing]

#920

⇓

Mm.

#921

⇓

[screams] Ow!

#922

⇓

[grunts] Ow!

#923

⇓

Fuck!

#924

⇓

Yeah.

#925

⇓

Oh, fucking hurt me.

#926

⇓

Oh!

#927

⇓

[moaning]

#928

⇓

Oh, yeah.

#929

⇓

Squeeze my balls, come on.

#930

⇓

-Squeeze 'em. -How do you torture a masochist?

#931

⇓

♪ Rosanna...

#932

⇓

[shouting]

#933

⇓

Laddio, get help, boy!

#934

⇓

♪ Meet you all the way ♪

#935

⇓

♪ Rosanna ♪

#936

⇓

♪ Now she's gone and I have to stay...

#937

⇓

It's...

#938

⇓

all of his bank accounts.

#939

⇓

Just needs a retinal scan.

#940

⇓

Wait, what are you doing? No, no.

#941

⇓

No, no, no. Don't you fucking dare!

#942

⇓

No. Ow!

#943

⇓

[grunts]

#944

⇓

[automated voice] Access granted.

#945

⇓

[grunts] Fuck.

#946

⇓

Okay. All right, let's see, how do you

#947

⇓

hurt a billionaire?

#948

⇓

How about...

#949

⇓

40 million to Elizabeth Warren's Super PAC, how's that sound?

#950

⇓

No! Fuck you. I'll kill you.

#951

⇓

And 65 million to...

#952

⇓

the Innocence Project.

#953

⇓

Whore. You skunk pussy bitch!

#954

⇓

I'll fucking make you hurt.

#955

⇓

I swear to fucking God.

#956

⇓

Fuck you.

#957

⇓

Fuck.

#958

⇓

-Ready to talk? -Eat shit!

#959

⇓

100 million to Black Lives Matter.

#960

⇓

No, not those people! Fuck you!

#961

⇓

Fuck y-- No! No, wait!

#962

⇓

Wait, oh, uh, uh...

#963

⇓

[stammering]

#964

⇓

They made me a deal, okay? [stammers]

#965

⇓

What deal?

#966

⇓

He'll fucking murder me.

#967

⇓

[whimpering]

#968

⇓

Do it.

#969

⇓

No, please, please, please!

#970

⇓

To use my prisons.

#971

⇓

My prisons.

#972

⇓

Homelander and Sage, they,

#973

⇓

they need places across the country to put their...

#974

⇓

dissidents. [stammers]

#975

⇓

Look, I don't know anything else.

#976

⇓

Okay? That's all.

#977

⇓

He's talking about internment camps.

#978

⇓

[computer trilling]

#979

⇓

-[Tek-Knight straining] -[Annie] Hey!

#980

⇓

-Stop! What are you--? -Step back!

#981

⇓

Now!

#982

⇓

I raised this...

#983

⇓

entitled piece of shit

#984

⇓

from a little boy.

#985

⇓

I listened to him moan about his career.

#986

⇓

I cleaned cum

#987

⇓

out of too many goddamn holes

#988

⇓

to count.

#989

⇓

But prison camps?

#990

⇓

Go.

#991

⇓

We'll make it look like an accident.

#992

⇓

He always admired David Carradine.

#993

⇓

Thank you.

#994

⇓

♪ Meet you all the way...

#995

⇓

[Elijah] Zendaya.

#996

⇓

The safe word.

#997

⇓

It was "Zendaya."

#998

⇓

♪ Rosanna ♪♪

#999

⇓

[Mother's Milk] Heart attack, huh?

#1000

⇓

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