Home » Scrubs » S05E18 — My New Suit

Scrubs

Season 5, Episode 18 — My New Suit

Oh, what a cutie. Where'd this little guy come from?

#1

⇓

Oh, what a cutie. Where'd this little guy come from?

#2

⇓

Doug found him in some dead guy's colon.

#3

⇓

Hey, little guy.

#4

⇓

Doug's still pretty upset about the whole thing.

#5

⇓

Doug's still pretty upset about the whole thing.

#6

⇓

Why would he live in there?

#7

⇓

Diseased rodents shouldn't be nowhere near my pregnant princess.

#8

⇓

Diseased rodents shouldn't be nowhere near my pregnant princess.

#9

⇓

JD: Carla being pregnant had changed everyone.

#10

⇓

JD: Carla being pregnant had changed everyone.

#11

⇓

It made Dr Kelso softer.

#12

⇓

Oh, I think the children in Paediatrics would love this little fella.

#13

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Oh, I think the children in Paediatrics would love this little fella.

#14

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Oh, I think the children in Paediatrics would love this little fella.

#15

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JD: Carla's pregnancy also affected Elliot.

#16

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JD: Carla's pregnancy also affected Elliot.

#17

⇓

OK, so we're both off in a few minutes. Here's what's gonna happen.

#18

⇓

OK, so we're both off in a few minutes. Here's what's gonna happen.

#19

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- We're heading back to my place. - Oh, yeah?

#20

⇓

I'm gonna put on something very naughty.

#21

⇓

I'm gonna put on something very naughty.

#22

⇓

Awesome.

#23

⇓

We'll have sex and pretend we aren't using protection to make a baby.

#24

⇓

We'll have sex and pretend we aren't using protection to make a baby.

#25

⇓

- Un-awesome. - Keith, we're doing this.

#26

⇓

I need it.

#27

⇓

JD: As for me, I bought a custom-made Italian suit.

#28

⇓

JD: As for me, I bought a custom-made Italian suit.

#29

⇓

What do you think? I had it made for the christening.

#30

⇓

That little mixed-race embryo got a godfather yet?

#31

⇓

JD, that's something we have to discuss as a couple.

#32

⇓

JD, that's something we have to discuss as a couple.

#33

⇓

You know what? I'm not sure that suit works on you.

#34

⇓

You know what? I'm not sure that suit works on you.

#35

⇓

Thanks for your opinion, Carla.

#36

⇓

Thanks for your opinion, Carla.

#37

⇓

But I'm much more interested in what you all think.

#38

⇓

But I'm much more interested in what you all think.

#39

⇓

- We don't love it. - Well, who cares, Lonnie?

#40

⇓

- We don't love it. - Well, who cares, Lonnie?

#41

⇓

Because all that really matters is whether or not America loves it.

#42

⇓

Because all that really matters is whether or not America loves it.

#43

⇓

For the last time, it's Americo.

#44

⇓

For the last time, it's Americo.

#45

⇓

And of course I love it. I made it.

#46

⇓

And of course I love it. I made it.

#47

⇓

He's a dynamite tailor. Not sure why he's here.

#48

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He's a dynamite tailor. Not sure why he's here.

#49

⇓

You better put your scrubs on. Herbert's back.

#50

⇓

You better put your scrubs on. Herbert's back.

#51

⇓

How you doing?

#52

⇓

JD: Due to his weight, Herbert was a frequent visitor.

#53

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JD: Due to his weight, Herbert was a frequent visitor.

#54

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No one liked treating him.

#55

⇓

It wasn't a mean thing.

#56

⇓

It wasn't a mean thing.

#57

⇓

See, with big people, even the simple stuff is more difficult.

#58

⇓

See, with big people, even the simple stuff is more difficult.

#59

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I didn't mind, because Herbie was my man.

#60

⇓

- How you feeling, Love Bug? - Fully loaded.

#61

⇓

- How you feeling, Love Bug? - Fully loaded.

#62

⇓

Hey, it's time for my sponge bath, right?

#63

⇓

Hey, it's time for my sponge bath, right?

#64

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- I'll need three girls. - Herbie, it's not a bathhouse.

#65

⇓

- I'll need three girls. - Herbie, it's not a bathhouse.

#66

⇓

We'll get those bandages off later today, Mr Brooks, alright?

#67

⇓

We'll get those bandages off later today, Mr Brooks, alright?

#68

⇓

- Uh-huh. - (WHISTLING)

#69

⇓

OK, as you all know,

#70

⇓

Sacred Heart is dealing with a mountain of malpractice lawsuits

#71

⇓

Sacred Heart is dealing with a mountain of malpractice lawsuits

#72

⇓

courtesy of bumbling interns, clueless doctors and hack surgeons,

#73

⇓

courtesy of bumbling interns, clueless doctors and hack surgeons,

#74

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or as I like to refer to them, you people.

#75

⇓

or as I like to refer to them, you people.

#76

⇓

Since Sweaty Teddy here backs up his infinitesimal knowledge of the law

#77

⇓

Since Sweaty Teddy here backs up his infinitesimal knowledge of the law

#78

⇓

with absolutely zero knowledge of medicine,

#79

⇓

with absolutely zero knowledge of medicine,

#80

⇓

one of you will help go through claims, decipher medical stuff

#81

⇓

one of you will help go through claims, decipher medical stuff

#82

⇓

and somehow relay all of that into his tiny peanut brain.

#83

⇓

and somehow relay all of that into his tiny peanut brain.

#84

⇓

How many times did I insult you during that? I was shooting for five.

#85

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How many times did I insult you during that? I was shooting for five.

#86

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Only three, unless you count "Sweaty Teddy" as an insult.

#87

⇓

But my mom calls me that, and she loves me, right?

#88

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But my mom calls me that, and she loves me, right?

#89

⇓

No, Ted. She hates you. Four.

#90

⇓

No, Ted. She hates you. Four.

#91

⇓

Since Ted has no life, and that's five, I'll let him select his very own victim. Ted.

#92

⇓

Since Ted has no life, and that's five, I'll let him select his very own victim. Ted.

#93

⇓

- I'll take Claire! - Oh, God.

#94

⇓

- I'll take Claire! - Oh, God.

#95

⇓

You turned me down 14 times for drinks.

#96

⇓

You turned me down 14 times for drinks.

#97

⇓

Well, who's the creepy loser now, huh?

#98

⇓

JD: And just like that, I had the chance to comfort Claire.

#99

⇓

JD: And just like that, I had the chance to comfort Claire.

#100

⇓

You look like you need to be rescued.

#101

⇓

You look like you need to be rescued.

#102

⇓

JD: Life was good.

#103

⇓

But then came a surprise visit from my brother

#104

⇓

But then came a surprise visit from my brother

#105

⇓

and a round of the game he likes to call Watch Her Leave.

#106

⇓

and a round of the game he likes to call Watch Her Leave.

#107

⇓

There's no easy way to say this.

#108

⇓

We got the crabs.

#109

⇓

We got the crabs.

#110

⇓

Wow, she was cute.

#111

⇓

Wow, she was cute.

#112

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- Yes, she was, Dan. Thank you. - Welcome.

#113

⇓

We'll be right back.

#114

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We'll be right back.

#115

⇓

- Was he talking to us? - Don't know, don't care.

#116

⇓

- Was he talking to us? - Don't know, don't care.

#117

⇓

Here, take this.

#118

⇓

# I can't do this all on my own

#119

⇓

# I can't do this all on my own

#120

⇓

# No, I know, I'm no Superman

#121

⇓

# No, I know, I'm no Superman

#122

⇓

# I'm no Superman. #

#123

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So, Dan, to what do we owe this...something.

#124

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So, Dan, to what do we owe this...something.

#125

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I had to blow out of town. Mom doinked her new boyfriend

#126

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I had to blow out of town. Mom doinked her new boyfriend

#127

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and guilted him into getting me a job interview.

#128

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and guilted him into getting me a job interview.

#129

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Well, Mom does what she has to do.

#130

⇓

Why do I need a full-time job? I got a sweet setup at home.

#131

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Why do I need a full-time job? I got a sweet setup at home.

#132

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I got a sweet pad in Mom's attic, driving Dad's old Plymouth Horizon,

#133

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I got a sweet pad in Mom's attic, driving Dad's old Plymouth Horizon,

#134

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and because I'm the senior bartender at KJ's,

#135

⇓

and because I'm the senior bartender at KJ's,

#136

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I take home half the extra chicken wings. Thank you.

#137

⇓

Dan...

#138

⇓

Dan...

#139

⇓

do you ever have to pinch yourself to make sure

#140

⇓

it's all not some crazy dream?

#141

⇓

it's all not some crazy dream?

#142

⇓

That does not count as a formal hello, Coxsmith.

#143

⇓

That does not count as a formal hello, Coxsmith.

#144

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- Don't call him Coxsmith. - I call him Coxsmith.

#145

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- So, what's new around here? - Carla's pregnant.

#146

⇓

- So, what's new around here? - Carla's pregnant.

#147

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Dude, bummer.

#148

⇓

Dude, bummer.

#149

⇓

- No, we're trying to have kids. - Oh, congratulations. That's great.

#150

⇓

- No, we're trying to have kids. - Oh, congratulations. That's great.

#151

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I'm not really a big kid person. Are you guys totally freaking out?

#152

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I'm not really a big kid person. Are you guys totally freaking out?

#153

⇓

BOTH: No.

#154

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JD: And they weren't. They were taking it all in stride.

#155

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JD: And they weren't. They were taking it all in stride.

#156

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Here's how I think we should name our baby. It's what my parents did.

#157

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Here's how I think we should name our baby. It's what my parents did.

#158

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If it's a girl, I get to pick the name.

#159

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- If it's a boy, you pick the name. - OK.

#160

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- If it's a boy, you pick the name. - OK.

#161

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I like Angie for a girl.

#162

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And if it's a boy, say hello to Fu-Kwon. What's up!

#163

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And if it's a boy, say hello to Fu-Kwon. What's up!

#164

⇓

Maybe we should pick the names together.

#165

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OK. 'Cause I was thinking, you know, for a girl...

#166

⇓

OK. 'Cause I was thinking, you know, for a girl...

#167

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Sweetie, we already have the girl's name.

#168

⇓

Sweetie, we already have the girl's name.

#169

⇓

Now, for the boy, why not name him after your cousin?

#170

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Now, for the boy, why not name him after your cousin?

#171

⇓

Tiger?

#172

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I'm begging you to stop telling people that. No one believes you.

#173

⇓

I'm begging you to stop telling people that. No one believes you.

#174

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Well, tell that to the last two women I slept with before you, OK?

#175

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Well, tell that to the last two women I slept with before you, OK?

#176

⇓

She-boing, boing.

#177

⇓

That... Oh, God!

#178

⇓

I'm talking about your other cousin, George.

#179

⇓

- I like that. - Yeah.

#180

⇓

- I like that. - Yeah.

#181

⇓

George and Angie. Alright.

#182

⇓

If you mention the names to anyone,

#183

⇓

If you mention the names to anyone,

#184

⇓

they'll ruin them for us, so don't tell anyone, OK?

#185

⇓

No one.

#186

⇓

No one.

#187

⇓

What's up, my negro amigo?

#188

⇓

Nothing.

#189

⇓

I can't figure out what's going on with Herbert.

#190

⇓

He's got acute back pain, but no cauda equina signs.

#191

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He's got acute back pain, but no cauda equina signs.

#192

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If we have a girl, we're gonna name her Angie.

#193

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If we have a girl, we're gonna name her Angie.

#194

⇓

Hey, boys.

#195

⇓

Hey, Chris, if there was a test to see if your baby was gay, would you do it?

#196

⇓

Hey, Chris, if there was a test to see if your baby was gay, would you do it?

#197

⇓

('MACHO MAN' BY VILLAGE PEOPLE PLAYS ON CASSETTE PLAYER)

#198

⇓

('MACHO MAN' BY VILLAGE PEOPLE PLAYS ON CASSETTE PLAYER)

#199

⇓

# Macho, macho, macho man

#200

⇓

# Macho, macho, macho man

#201

⇓

# I've got to be a macho man... #

#202

⇓

# I've got to be a macho man... #

#203

⇓

Oh, sweetie, he's...

#204

⇓

Extremely. Yes. And I'm OK with it.

#205

⇓

Extremely. Yes. And I'm OK with it.

#206

⇓

Anyway, Elliot wasn't in the lab.

#207

⇓

Oh, she's at home.

#208

⇓

I'll be done in a couple of seconds and we'll find her.

#209

⇓

OK.

#210

⇓

- Herbert. - Keep it cool, man.

#211

⇓

Dan train. (IMITATES TRAIN HORN)

#212

⇓

Dan train. (IMITATES TRAIN HORN)

#213

⇓

- Thanks a lot. - What?

#214

⇓

- Thanks a lot. - What?

#215

⇓

That Dan train used to hook up with Elliot.

#216

⇓

- So? - So?

#217

⇓

- So? - So?

#218

⇓

Your boy JD's been telling him Elliot still likes him.

#219

⇓

Doctor-patient confidentiality goes both ways,

#220

⇓

Doctor-patient confidentiality goes both ways,

#221

⇓

Mr I Prefer My Temperature Taken Through the Back Door.

#222

⇓

Mr I Prefer My Temperature Taken Through the Back Door.

#223

⇓

What? I mean, it tickles.

#224

⇓

Look, Dan doesn't exactly have the world by the tail, OK?

#225

⇓

Look, Dan doesn't exactly have the world by the tail, OK?

#226

⇓

Every time he calls me depressed, the only thing I could think of

#227

⇓

Every time he calls me depressed, the only thing I could think of

#228

⇓

to cheer him up was to say, "Elliot still digs you."

#229

⇓

to cheer him up was to say, "Elliot still digs you."

#230

⇓

I'm trying to find a way to make him feel good about himself.

#231

⇓

I'm trying to find a way to make him feel good about himself.

#232

⇓

If we have a boy, we'll name him George.

#233

⇓

What about Tiger?

#234

⇓

What about Tiger?

#235

⇓

Hey, man, where'd your brother go, anyway?

#236

⇓

Oh, boy.

#237

⇓

Oh, boy.

#238

⇓

Call Elliot.

#239

⇓

No, call Elliot.

#240

⇓

No. No...

#241

⇓

No. No...

#242

⇓

Call Elliot.

#243

⇓

Call Elliot.

#244

⇓

Got her.

#245

⇓

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

#246

⇓

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

#247

⇓

We don't want any distractions while we're trying to make a baby.

#248

⇓

We don't want any distractions while we're trying to make a baby.

#249

⇓

OK, you gotta stop saying that.

#250

⇓

We're role-playing. This is not real. Let's just do this.

#251

⇓

We're role-playing. This is not real. Let's just do this.

#252

⇓

Alright.

#253

⇓

Promise me you'll hold me like this when I push your baby out my bajingo.

#254

⇓

Promise me you'll hold me like this when I push your baby out my bajingo.

#255

⇓

- I'm putting on a third condom. - Keith!

#256

⇓

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

#257

⇓

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

#258

⇓

- What? - (DOORBELL RINGS)

#259

⇓

No, JD, I'm not gonna act like I want to bone your brother.

#260

⇓

- I'm telling him the truth. - (HANGS UP)

#261

⇓

- I'm telling him the truth. - (HANGS UP)

#262

⇓

Hey, Elliot...is wearing lingerie.

#263

⇓

Hey, Elliot...is wearing lingerie.

#264

⇓

Hey, Dan. JD told me you were coming.

#265

⇓

Hey, Dan. JD told me you were coming.

#266

⇓

This is Keith. I'm sure you're a little disappointed.

#267

⇓

This is Keith. I'm sure you're a little disappointed.

#268

⇓

Yeah, I'm in.

#269

⇓

I go first.

#270

⇓

I go first.

#271

⇓

Elliot, you have to ask me about things like this.

#272

⇓

Elliot, you have to ask me about things like this.

#273

⇓

And that is the father of my fake baby.

#274

⇓

And that is the father of my fake baby.

#275

⇓

- Honey. - I gotta go to Jack's preschool.

#276

⇓

- Honey. - I gotta go to Jack's preschool.

#277

⇓

Apparently, Seymour was teasing him, so he punched him in the face.

#278

⇓

Apparently, Seymour was teasing him, so he punched him in the face.

#279

⇓

- Do Seymour's parents have to go? - I doubt it. They're turtles.

#280

⇓

- Do Seymour's parents have to go? - I doubt it. They're turtles.

#281

⇓

Count yourself lucky.

#282

⇓

My son sent me a picture of himself

#283

⇓

My son sent me a picture of himself

#284

⇓

sitting on the lap of his new boyfriend, Winston.

#285

⇓

BOTH: Oh.

#286

⇓

BOTH: Oh.

#287

⇓

Why are they dressed up as Tonto and the Lone Ranger?

#288

⇓

I'd like to say they're going to a costume party, but those are jammies.

#289

⇓

I'd like to say they're going to a costume party, but those are jammies.

#290

⇓

I'd like to say they're going to a costume party, but those are jammies.

#291

⇓

Look at the bright side. He's like the daughter you never had,

#292

⇓

only gay and unsuccessful.

#293

⇓

only gay and unsuccessful.

#294

⇓

Tell me about it.

#295

⇓

So funny, the way kids are, isn't it?

#296

⇓

So funny, the way kids are, isn't it?

#297

⇓

You never know how it's gonna go.

#298

⇓

JD: Now that Dan knew Elliot wasn't into him,

#299

⇓

JD: Now that Dan knew Elliot wasn't into him,

#300

⇓

my focus had shifted from keeping him away from her

#301

⇓

my focus had shifted from keeping him away from her

#302

⇓

to avoiding him so he doesn't kill me.

#303

⇓

Hey, Mr Brooks. Let's get these bandages off you, huh?

#304

⇓

Hey, Mr Brooks. Let's get these bandages off you, huh?

#305

⇓

What are you doing?

#306

⇓

Mr Brooks wanted safety tips on operating propane heaters.

#307

⇓

Mr Brooks wanted safety tips on operating propane heaters.

#308

⇓

As long as you're not my brother.

#309

⇓

I had a brother once. Well, he's still my brother.

#310

⇓

My parents adopted him when I was about 12.

#311

⇓

My parents adopted him when I was about 12.

#312

⇓

He was about 46. Actually older than my parents.

#313

⇓

He was about 46. Actually older than my parents.

#314

⇓

His name was Clete and he talked like this, "How's it going?"

#315

⇓

His name was Clete and he talked like this, "How's it going?"

#316

⇓

Good kid. Did what they said.

#317

⇓

Make the bed, mop the floor, sweep the lawn, whatever.

#318

⇓

Make the bed, mop the floor, sweep the lawn, whatever.

#319

⇓

Everything was good till his 50s and, wow, did he have a midlife crisis.

#320

⇓

Everything was good till his 50s and, wow, did he have a midlife crisis.

#321

⇓

Him and my dad fought constantly.

#322

⇓

I mean physically beating on each other.

#323

⇓

I mean physically beating on each other.

#324

⇓

But I don't blame him for it. I blame my mom for sleeping with him.

#325

⇓

But I don't blame him for it. I blame my mom for sleeping with him.

#326

⇓

- That's just out of line. - Yeah.

#327

⇓

- That's just out of line. - Yeah.

#328

⇓

The reason I'm telling you this

#329

⇓

is your brother told me if I keep you focused on me, he'd let me watch.

#330

⇓

is your brother told me if I keep you focused on me, he'd let me watch.

#331

⇓

Watch what?

#332

⇓

Hey, little brother.

#333

⇓

(SCREAMS)

#334

⇓

I can't believe they're playing with that butt hamster.

#335

⇓

I can't believe they're playing with that butt hamster.

#336

⇓

That is disgusting.

#337

⇓

It's my turn to hold Angie.

#338

⇓

It's my turn to hold Angie.

#339

⇓

What did she call that thing?

#340

⇓

What did she call that thing?

#341

⇓

- Uh, baby, we should go. - (GROANING)

#342

⇓

Where'd you come up with that name?

#343

⇓

I guess I could help you name her. Let's see.

#344

⇓

I guess I could help you name her. Let's see.

#345

⇓

It's a girl hamster. What about Angie?

#346

⇓

It's a girl hamster. What about Angie?

#347

⇓

- I love it! - Me too. Angie, guys?

#348

⇓

- I love it! - Me too. Angie, guys?

#349

⇓

- ALL: Yeah! - Angie, it is!

#350

⇓

- Hold his arms. - Wait! Turk, it was an accident, OK?

#351

⇓

- Hold his arms. - Wait! Turk, it was an accident, OK?

#352

⇓

- The name just popped into my head! - Shut up!

#353

⇓

- The name just popped into my head! - Shut up!

#354

⇓

You just shut up right now!

#355

⇓

Pink belly.

#356

⇓

Pink belly.

#357

⇓

No! Turk!

#358

⇓

Unfortunately, Turk was the greatest pink-bellier in all the land.

#359

⇓

Unfortunately, Turk was the greatest pink-bellier in all the land.

#360

⇓

(SCREAMS)

#361

⇓

(SCREAMS)

#362

⇓

You know, Bobbo, I find you less repugnant as of late.

#363

⇓

You know, Bobbo, I find you less repugnant as of late.

#364

⇓

I'm developing a begrudging indifference to you.

#365

⇓

I'm developing a begrudging indifference to you.

#366

⇓

You're so edgy and cantankerous. You're like House without the limp.

#367

⇓

You're so edgy and cantankerous. You're like House without the limp.

#368

⇓

I've decided this project is over the head of that pretty lady,

#369

⇓

I've decided this project is over the head of that pretty lady,

#370

⇓

so Dr Cox will be replacing her.

#371

⇓

That was the longest three hours of my life.

#372

⇓

Call me.

#373

⇓

Call me.

#374

⇓

Tell you what she's not good at. Staring contests.

#375

⇓

Tell you what she's not good at. Staring contests.

#376

⇓

- Why, Bob? - Why the hell not?

#377

⇓

So how are you doing with your diet?

#378

⇓

So how are you doing with your diet?

#379

⇓

The best I can do, man. How's your tummy?

#380

⇓

Turk was so proud of his handiwork that he signed it.

#381

⇓

Turk was so proud of his handiwork that he signed it.

#382

⇓

He knows it's so painful I won't be able to wash it for some time.

#383

⇓

He knows it's so painful I won't be able to wash it for some time.

#384

⇓

I mean, are you all two OK?

#385

⇓

I mean, are you all two OK?

#386

⇓

JD: Actually, we were.

#387

⇓

The way the whole brother thing works,

#388

⇓

now that Dan had beaten me up, it was all over.

#389

⇓

now that Dan had beaten me up, it was all over.

#390

⇓

- Why'd you lie to me about Elliot? - Or not.

#391

⇓

- Why'd you lie to me about Elliot? - Or not.

#392

⇓

Oh, come on, man.

#393

⇓

A girl like Elliot could never really be into somebody like you.

#394

⇓

A girl like Elliot could never really be into somebody like you.

#395

⇓

Why wouldn't she?

#396

⇓

Why wouldn't she?

#397

⇓

JD: The obvious response

#398

⇓

was Elliot was looking for a guy with more going on in life.

#399

⇓

was Elliot was looking for a guy with more going on in life.

#400

⇓

And the only way to gently break that to my brother was this...

#401

⇓

Oh...

#402

⇓

Oh...

#403

⇓

Elliot wants to have kids right now and she knows you're not ready.

#404

⇓

Elliot wants to have kids right now and she knows you're not ready.

#405

⇓

Bummer.

#406

⇓

Don't worry about it, man. He bought it. It's cool.

#407

⇓

Don't worry about it, man. He bought it. It's cool.

#408

⇓

JD: I have to talk to Elliot before my brother Dan does.

#409

⇓

JD: I have to talk to Elliot before my brother Dan does.

#410

⇓

Your back pain may involve your spinal cord,

#411

⇓

Your back pain may involve your spinal cord,

#412

⇓

so we need to get you an MRI. Now where is my pen?

#413

⇓

so we need to get you an MRI. Now where is my pen?

#414

⇓

JD: Elliot! Elliot!

#415

⇓

What's up, JD?

#416

⇓

My brother's on his way up.

#417

⇓

The only reason you don't wanna be with him is 'cause he doesn't want kids now.

#418

⇓

The only reason you don't wanna be with him is 'cause he doesn't want kids now.

#419

⇓

JD, just tell him the truth.

#420

⇓

JD, just tell him the truth.

#421

⇓

Last time I was honest with Dan about his life,

#422

⇓

Last time I was honest with Dan about his life,

#423

⇓

it made him feel like crap.

#424

⇓

We didn't talk until our dad died. Do you really want me to do that?

#425

⇓

We didn't talk until our dad died. Do you really want me to do that?

#426

⇓

I'm not sure what would get us back together.

#427

⇓

I'm not sure what would get us back together.

#428

⇓

Dad can't die again.

#429

⇓

What's going on, guys?

#430

⇓

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

#431

⇓

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

#432

⇓

I'm not having a staring contest with you, Ted.

#433

⇓

I'm not having a staring contest with you, Ted.

#434

⇓

OK, one-nothing, me. Oh, yeah.

#435

⇓

OK, one-nothing, me. Oh, yeah.

#436

⇓

Yeah.

#437

⇓

OK, back to work.

#438

⇓

OK, back to work.

#439

⇓

This next patient claims their stent was implanted incorrectly. What's a stent?

#440

⇓

This next patient claims their stent was implanted incorrectly. What's a stent?

#441

⇓

A tube that holds arteries open.

#442

⇓

A tube that holds arteries open.

#443

⇓

Alright.

#444

⇓

And what's a Buckland?

#445

⇓

And what's a Buckland?

#446

⇓

That's a hairless growth never found on women.

#447

⇓

That's a hairless growth never found on women.

#448

⇓

Weird.

#449

⇓

It's your last name, Ted.

#450

⇓

Good one.

#451

⇓

Good one.

#452

⇓

- So you got the baby fever, huh? - Yep.

#453

⇓

Hopefully I'm pregnant with Keith's child.

#454

⇓

Hopefully I'm pregnant with Keith's child.

#455

⇓

Oh, come on! I'm 25! I haven't even been to Europe!

#456

⇓

Oh, come on! I'm 25! I haven't even been to Europe!

#457

⇓

Keith, wait!

#458

⇓

I got a good feeling about those two. Well, I'm off.

#459

⇓

I got a good feeling about those two. Well, I'm off.

#460

⇓

- Alright. Say hi to Mom for me. - Yep. Get my stuff.

#461

⇓

JD: And like that, he was gone.

#462

⇓

You know what name I've always liked for a girl?

#463

⇓

Honor.

#464

⇓

Turk, you know how mean boys are.

#465

⇓

Turk, you know how mean boys are.

#466

⇓

They'd be all like, "I got on her. Did you get on her?"

#467

⇓

Yeah, everybody got on her 'cause she's easy.

#468

⇓

Yeah, everybody got on her 'cause she's easy.

#469

⇓

- That's your daughter. - Yes, it is.

#470

⇓

- That's your daughter. - Yes, it is.

#471

⇓

It's just weird.

#472

⇓

Angie was perfect. Now nothing seems as good.

#473

⇓

Angie was perfect. Now nothing seems as good.

#474

⇓

- What you got there, sir? - Dead hamster.

#475

⇓

- What you got there, sir? - Dead hamster.

#476

⇓

Angie's dead?

#477

⇓

Angie's dead?

#478

⇓

- Baby, we got our name back! - Yeah!

#479

⇓

If no one's officially called dibs...

#480

⇓

Take it, freak.

#481

⇓

Take it, freak.

#482

⇓

What?

#483

⇓

I'm making a hamster vest for one of my squirrels.

#484

⇓

I'm making a hamster vest for one of my squirrels.

#485

⇓

What's going on?

#486

⇓

What's going on?

#487

⇓

I love you too, dumpling, but I have to work late.

#488

⇓

I'll make it up to you this weekend.

#489

⇓

I'll make it up to you this weekend.

#490

⇓

Ted's on the phone with his mom, so we're taking a five. Why?

#491

⇓

Ted's on the phone with his mom, so we're taking a five. Why?

#492

⇓

- Why is Kelso doing this to me? - Well, you know.

#493

⇓

- Why is Kelso doing this to me? - Well, you know.

#494

⇓

I don't. All I remember is that we were both making fun of our kids,

#495

⇓

and then bam, he stuck me with Ted.

#496

⇓

No, no. You made fun of your kid, he made fun of his kid,

#497

⇓

No, no. You made fun of your kid, he made fun of his kid,

#498

⇓

and then you made fun of his kid.

#499

⇓

and then you made fun of his kid.

#500

⇓

Don't you get it? You can never say bad things about someone else's kid.

#501

⇓

Don't you get it? You can never say bad things about someone else's kid.

#502

⇓

Ever.

#503

⇓

Mom, if you can't reach that spot with the lotion,

#504

⇓

I'll get it for you when I get home late tonight.

#505

⇓

I'll get it for you when I get home late tonight.

#506

⇓

OK, kisses.

#507

⇓

- You ready to get back in there? - Yeah. Gotta vomit first.

#508

⇓

- You ready to get back in there? - Yeah. Gotta vomit first.

#509

⇓

OK.

#510

⇓

OK, guys, let's all gather around. Huddle up.

#511

⇓

OK, guys, let's all gather around. Huddle up.

#512

⇓

Now, you guys, Herbert in there needs an MRI,

#513

⇓

Now, you guys, Herbert in there needs an MRI,

#514

⇓

but he won't fit. Anybody know what we should do?

#515

⇓

Nobody wanted to say it,

#516

⇓

Nobody wanted to say it,

#517

⇓

but sometimes when hospitals have Herbert-sized patients,

#518

⇓

but sometimes when hospitals have Herbert-sized patients,

#519

⇓

they'll send them to the one place that has MRI machines big enough.

#520

⇓

they'll send them to the one place that has MRI machines big enough.

#521

⇓

The zoo.

#522

⇓

I know what you're all thinking, but I'm not gonna do that.

#523

⇓

I know what you're all thinking, but I'm not gonna do that.

#524

⇓

It's too humiliating.

#525

⇓

You're too big for our MRI machine so we're gonna have to take you to the zoo.

#526

⇓

You're too big for our MRI machine so we're gonna have to take you to the zoo.

#527

⇓

Damn. Well, that sucks.

#528

⇓

Damn. Well, that sucks.

#529

⇓

You kind of brought this on yourself, didn't you?

#530

⇓

You kind of brought this on yourself, didn't you?

#531

⇓

Man.

#532

⇓

Why do you hate Herbert?

#533

⇓

Why do you hate Herbert?

#534

⇓

He's been in here seven times for weight problems.

#535

⇓

He's been in here seven times for weight problems.

#536

⇓

He's never tried to get healthier.

#537

⇓

Sometimes, protecting feelings isn't the best way.

#538

⇓

Sometimes, protecting feelings isn't the best way.

#539

⇓

Spare me the tough love speech.

#540

⇓

You really think being mean to Herbert will cause him to turn his life around?

#541

⇓

You really think being mean to Herbert will cause him to turn his life around?

#542

⇓

Probably not. But as long as I'm trying to get him to change,

#543

⇓

Probably not. But as long as I'm trying to get him to change,

#544

⇓

then I can sleep at night.

#545

⇓

then I can sleep at night.

#546

⇓

When you think about your brother later, how are you gonna sleep?

#547

⇓

When you think about your brother later, how are you gonna sleep?

#548

⇓

Angie and George, wow.

#549

⇓

Angie and George, wow.

#550

⇓

You know what's weird?

#551

⇓

You know what's weird?

#552

⇓

Now that they have names, everything seems so real.

#553

⇓

Now that they have names, everything seems so real.

#554

⇓

I can see George's smile.

#555

⇓

And I can see Angie having your curly hair.

#556

⇓

And I can see Angie having your curly hair.

#557

⇓

I hope she doesn't have my ear infections.

#558

⇓

I hope she doesn't have my ear infections.

#559

⇓

I was really sick as a baby.

#560

⇓

I was really sick as a baby.

#561

⇓

I was a climber.

#562

⇓

Our windows don't have bars. George can fall into the alley.

#563

⇓

Our windows don't have bars. George can fall into the alley.

#564

⇓

What if George doesn't love me?

#565

⇓

What if Angie stops breathing in her sleep?

#566

⇓

What if Angie stops breathing in her sleep?

#567

⇓

- (GASPS) - Why'd we have to pick names? I hate it when things get real!

#568

⇓

- (GASPS) - Why'd we have to pick names? I hate it when things get real!

#569

⇓

When I was in high school,

#570

⇓

I had a shop teacher named George who hated black people.

#571

⇓

I had a shop teacher named George who hated black people.

#572

⇓

There was a prostitute at my town mall named Angie.

#573

⇓

There was a prostitute at my town mall named Angie.

#574

⇓

- Those names are out. - Yeah, they're out!

#575

⇓

- And we don't need new ones. - Not for nine months.

#576

⇓

- And we don't need new ones. - Not for nine months.

#577

⇓

- I'm ready for bed. - Me too.

#578

⇓

OK.

#579

⇓

Hey, Bob, you got a minute?

#580

⇓

If you killed Ted, I don't wanna know. Just make sure it's not traceable.

#581

⇓

If you killed Ted, I don't wanna know. Just make sure it's not traceable.

#582

⇓

If you killed Ted, I don't wanna know. Just make sure it's not traceable.

#583

⇓

That's not why I'm here. But it's good to know.

#584

⇓

Look...

#585

⇓

I wanted to apologise for what I said about your son.

#586

⇓

I wanted to apologise for what I said about your son.

#587

⇓

Well, he hasn't turned out exactly as I'd planned.

#588

⇓

Well, he hasn't turned out exactly as I'd planned.

#589

⇓

I always imagined we'd spend his 13th birthday fly-fishing in Montana.

#590

⇓

I always imagined we'd spend his 13th birthday fly-fishing in Montana.

#591

⇓

Where did you spend it?

#592

⇓

On 42nd Street, camped out for 'Ain't Misbehavin' tickets.

#593

⇓

On 42nd Street, camped out for 'Ain't Misbehavin' tickets.

#594

⇓

He's a good kid, though.

#595

⇓

He's a good kid, though.

#596

⇓

Tell me about him.

#597

⇓

He is a good kid. He's always been a good kid.

#598

⇓

He is a good kid. He's always been a good kid.

#599

⇓

First time I knew we weren't on the same page was when he took up knitting.

#600

⇓

First time I knew we weren't on the same page was when he took up knitting.

#601

⇓

Knitting?

#602

⇓

I thought he was gonna learn how to tie knots.

#603

⇓

I thought he was gonna learn how to tie knots.

#604

⇓

- Hey, Dan. - Hey, Johnny.

#605

⇓

- Hey, Dan. - Hey, Johnny.

#606

⇓

Just packing up. I thought you had to work.

#607

⇓

Just packing up. I thought you had to work.

#608

⇓

I wanted to talk to you about something.

#609

⇓

Yeah, what's up?

#610

⇓

Yeah, what's up?

#611

⇓

Elliot doesn't want to have babies with Keith.

#612

⇓

Tough break for Keith.

#613

⇓

I almost had a threesome with that guy.

#614

⇓

I almost had a threesome with that guy.

#615

⇓

When I said Elliot would never be into a guy like you,

#616

⇓

When I said Elliot would never be into a guy like you,

#617

⇓

it's because you're a 35-year-old bartender

#618

⇓

who still lives in our mother's attic and is showing no signs of changing.

#619

⇓

who still lives in our mother's attic and is showing no signs of changing.

#620

⇓

I'm not saying this to make you feel bad.

#621

⇓

I think you have the potential to do whatever you want to do with your life.

#622

⇓

I think you have the potential to do whatever you want to do with your life.

#623

⇓

But you have to actually try.

#624

⇓

But you have to actually try.

#625

⇓

And then I got the answer I expected.

#626

⇓

And then I got the answer I expected.

#627

⇓

Don't you have to get back to work?

#628

⇓

JD: Even though I knew he wasn't gonna change, Elliot was right.

#629

⇓

JD: Even though I knew he wasn't gonna change, Elliot was right.

#630

⇓

It's about what helps you sleep.

#631

⇓

Who are we kidding?

#632

⇓

Who are we kidding?

#633

⇓

This is so real now, there's no way we can sleep.

#634

⇓

JD: Whether it's a strong sense of denial...

#635

⇓

JD: Whether it's a strong sense of denial...

#636

⇓

or the fact that you love your son.

#637

⇓

or the fact that you love your son.

#638

⇓

As for me, I was just happy to get some rest.

#639

⇓

(BEEPING)

#640

⇓

Hey.

#641

⇓

Hey, Johnny. You cool if I borrow this suit?

#642

⇓

I figured I might wear it to that job interview.

#643

⇓

I figured I might wear it to that job interview.

#644

⇓

You know what, man? You might as well just keep it.

#645

⇓

You know what, man? You might as well just keep it.

#646

⇓

Yeah, I'll keep it.

#647

⇓

You think anyone would ever really hire me?

#648

⇓

You think anyone would ever really hire me?

#649

⇓

I think you can do whatever you want to do.

#650

⇓

Take it easy, little brother.

#651

⇓

Captions edited by Ai-Media ai-media.tv

#652

⇓

Captions edited by Ai-Media ai-media.tv

#653

⇓