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Season 4, Episode 18 — My Roommates

(THINKING) KYLIE WANTED TO TAKE THINGS SLOWLY.

#1

⇓

SO, 17 DATES IN, I WAS BASICALLY EMBROILED

#2

⇓

SO, 17 DATES IN, I WAS BASICALLY EMBROILED

#3

⇓

IN THE WORLD'S LONGEST MAKE-OUT SESSION.

#4

⇓

IN THE WORLD'S LONGEST MAKE-OUT SESSION.

#5

⇓

TOO MUCH KISSING? NO, NO.

#6

⇓

I STILL HAVE A LITTLE SALIVA LEFT.

#7

⇓

I STILL HAVE A LITTLE SALIVA LEFT.

#8

⇓

(THINKING) AS I FELT THE ONSLAUGHT

#9

⇓

OF WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A VICIOUS TONGUE CRAMP,

#10

⇓

OF WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A VICIOUS TONGUE CRAMP,

#11

⇓

I DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO LET KYLIE SEE

#12

⇓

MY FAVORITE DANCE.

#13

⇓

THE "FOR GOD'S SAKE, INVITE ME TO STAY OVER" DANCE.

#14

⇓

THE "FOR GOD'S SAKE, INVITE ME TO STAY OVER" DANCE.

#15

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AND WE ALL KNOW WHERE THAT ENDS.

#16

⇓

AND WE ALL KNOW WHERE THAT ENDS.

#17

⇓

(ANGELS SINGING)

#18

⇓

(ANGELS SINGING)

#19

⇓

(THINKING) THE DANCE BEGINS WITH A SUBTLE HINT.

#20

⇓

(YAWNS) I AM SO POOPED.

#21

⇓

(YAWNS) I AM SO POOPED.

#22

⇓

(THINKING) STEP 2: SASHAY HER INTO SYMPATHY.

#23

⇓

(THINKING) STEP 2: SASHAY HER INTO SYMPATHY.

#24

⇓

IT'S CHILLY OUT THERE.

#25

⇓

IT IS COLD.

#26

⇓

IT IS COLD.

#27

⇓

(THINKING) FINALLY, SWEEP HER OFF HER FEET

#28

⇓

WITH YOUR VULNERABLE CUTENESS.

#29

⇓

WITH YOUR VULNERABLE CUTENESS.

#30

⇓

YOU KNOW WHAT I CALL THIS WEATHER?

#31

⇓

SNUGGLE WEATHER.

#32

⇓

SNUGGLE WEATHER.

#33

⇓

(THINKING) TIP THE BAND LEADER

#34

⇓

AND FLUFF UP THE PILLOWS, BECAUSE THIS DANCE IS DONE.

#35

⇓

AND FLUFF UP THE PILLOWS, BECAUSE THIS DANCE IS DONE.

#36

⇓

YOU SHOULD GO.

#37

⇓

YEAH, HIT THE BRICKS, BITCH. YOU GOT NO GAME.

#38

⇓

YEAH, HIT THE BRICKS, BITCH. YOU GOT NO GAME.

#39

⇓

HA HA HA!

#40

⇓

(THINKING) I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE HAVING RELATIONSHIP TROUBLE.

#41

⇓

(THINKING) I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE HAVING RELATIONSHIP TROUBLE.

#42

⇓

LATELY, TURK AND CARLA HAD LOST THEIR SIZZLE.

#43

⇓

AND AS A COUPLE, WHEN YOU REACH A ROADBLOCK,

#44

⇓

AND AS A COUPLE, WHEN YOU REACH A ROADBLOCK,

#45

⇓

YOU CAN DO ONE OF 2 THINGS.

#46

⇓

LOOK INWARD AND TRY AND SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS TOGETHER

#47

⇓

LOOK INWARD AND TRY AND SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS TOGETHER

#48

⇓

OR BLAME SOMEONE ELSE.

#49

⇓

YOU HAVE TO MOVE OUT.

#50

⇓

HI-OH!

#551

⇓

HI-OH!

#552

⇓

YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR!

#553

⇓

YOU THINK I CAN'T HANDLE MY OWN KID?

#554

⇓

NO, THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL.

#555

⇓

I THINK YOU'RE GREAT WITH YOUR KID.

#556

⇓

YOU'RE FANTASTIC

#557

⇓

IN FACT, IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN BABY-SIT MY KID.

#558

⇓

IN FACT, IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN BABY-SIT MY KID.

#559

⇓

ARE WE REALLY DOING THIS?

#560

⇓

'CAUSE I'LL BABY-SIT THE HELL OUT OF YOUR KID.

#561

⇓

'CAUSE I'LL BABY-SIT THE HELL OUT OF YOUR KID.

#562

⇓

OH, BRING IT ON, DADDY.

#563

⇓

WHO NEEDS A BABY-SITTER?

#564

⇓

I'LL DO IT! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PAY ME IN CASH.

#565

⇓

I'LL DO IT! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PAY ME IN CASH.

#566

⇓

JUST PAY ME IN HOT SHOWERS.

#567

⇓

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO, LIKE, WASH ME, UNLESS YOU WANT TO,

#568

⇓

BUT THAT COULD BE WEIRD. I DON'T KNOW.

#569

⇓

BUT THAT COULD BE WEIRD. I DON'T KNOW.

#570

⇓

NEWBIE, I'VE GOT THIS ONE COVERED.

#571

⇓

COME ON, YOU TWO ARE INTERRACIAL BEST BUDDIES.

#572

⇓

COME ON, YOU TWO ARE INTERRACIAL BEST BUDDIES.

#573

⇓

I, TOO, HAVE A BLACK BEST FRIEND.

#574

⇓

GO OUT. ENJOY IT.

#575

⇓

GO OUT. ENJOY IT.

#576

⇓

CELEBRATE YOUR UNIQUENESS. I CAN DO IT!

#577

⇓

I'M SORRY. DID YOU JUST CALL ME BLACK?

#578

⇓

I'M SORRY. DID YOU JUST CALL ME BLACK?

#579

⇓

BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I CHECKED,

#580

⇓

THE CORRECT TERM WAS AFRICAN-AMERICAN.

#581

⇓

THE CORRECT TERM WAS AFRICAN-AMERICAN.

#582

⇓

WELL, TURK LETS ME CALL HIM BROWN BEAR.

#583

⇓

WELL, TURK LETS ME CALL HIM BROWN BEAR.

#584

⇓

WHO THE HELL IS TURK?!

#585

⇓

I SHOULD GO.

#586

⇓

ANGRY BLACK MAN.

#587

⇓

(CHUCKLES) IT NEVER DISAPPOINTS.

#588

⇓

(CHUCKLES) IT NEVER DISAPPOINTS.

#589

⇓

I PULL IT OUT WHEN I NEED TO. (CHUCKLES)

#590

⇓

WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

#591

⇓

WELL, I DO HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO GET DONE.

#592

⇓

WELL, I DO HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO GET DONE.

#593

⇓

YOU CAN WATCH NATE.

#594

⇓

YOU GOT IT.

#595

⇓

J.D.: SOMETIMES THE WORST THING IS GETTING EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.

#596

⇓

J.D.: SOMETIMES THE WORST THING IS GETTING EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.

#597

⇓

NATHAN?

#598

⇓

NATHAN?

#599

⇓

LOOK AT ME.

#600

⇓

NATHAN.

#601

⇓

DAMN IT.

#602

⇓

BABY? HMM?

#603

⇓

COULD YOU GET ME A TOWEL SO I COULD WIPE THIS SWEAT FROM MY HEAD?

#604

⇓

COULD YOU GET ME A TOWEL SO I COULD WIPE THIS SWEAT FROM MY HEAD?

#605

⇓

THEY'RE ALL DIRTY, OK?

#606

⇓

J.D. USED TO WASH THEM.

#607

⇓

J.D. USED TO WASH THEM.

#608

⇓

IT'S SO HOT!

#609

⇓

IT'S SO HOT!

#610

⇓

WHEN THE HELL IS HE GONNA FINISH FIXING THE HEATER?!

#611

⇓

IT'S OK. HE'S A PROFESSIONAL.

#612

⇓

IT'S OK. HE'S A PROFESSIONAL.

#613

⇓

I'M SURE HE'S ALMOST DONE.

#614

⇓

THIS...

#615

⇓

SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN REMOVED.

#616

⇓

TODD MADE YOU WEAR A BANANA HAMMOCK TO BED?

#617

⇓

TODD MADE YOU WEAR A BANANA HAMMOCK TO BED?

#618

⇓

IT WAS HORRIBLE. I KEPT IMAGINING I WAS AN OLYMPIC DIVER.

#619

⇓

WELL, IT MEANS A LOT TO ME

#620

⇓

THAT YOU WOULD GO THROUGH ALL THAT

#621

⇓

JUST TO RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES.

#622

⇓

JUST TO RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES.

#623

⇓

THANKS, KYLIE. I CAN JUST SLEEP ON THE COUCH.

#624

⇓

THANKS, KYLIE. I CAN JUST SLEEP ON THE COUCH.

#625

⇓

YOU DON'T HAVE TO CRASH ON THE COUCH.

#626

⇓

MMM.

#627

⇓

MMM.

#628

⇓

(ANGELS SINGING)

#629

⇓

(ANGELS SINGING)

#630

⇓

AAH!

#631

⇓

AAH!

#632

⇓

WELL, DR. DORIAN, ARE YOU GONNA JOIN ME?

#633

⇓

WELL, DR. DORIAN, ARE YOU GONNA JOIN ME?

#634

⇓

(THINKING) I COULDN'T HAVE PLANNED IT BETTER.

#635

⇓

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

#636

⇓

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

#637

⇓

J.D.!

#638

⇓

WE'RE SORRY. THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED,

#639

⇓

WE'RE SORRY. THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED,

#640

⇓

AND WE KNEW YOU'D BE HERE.

#641

⇓

WE WANT YOU BACK.

#642

⇓

I DON'T WANT TO COME HOME.

#643

⇓

I DON'T WANT TO COME HOME.

#644

⇓

IT TOOK ME A MONTH TO GET HERE FROM THE COUCH.

#645

⇓

UH, J.D., MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO HOME.

#646

⇓

UH, J.D., MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO HOME.

#647

⇓

(THINKING) GET THE MOMENT BACK!

#648

⇓

(THINKING) GET THE MOMENT BACK!

#649

⇓

SAY SOMETHING HOT!

#650

⇓

PERHAPS WE COULD INVITE TURK AND CARLA

#651

⇓

PERHAPS WE COULD INVITE TURK AND CARLA

#652

⇓

TO JOIN US ON THE BED.

#653

⇓

I'LL GO.

#654

⇓

I THINK IT IS SO GREAT THAT YOU'RE GONNA TALK TO YOUR FRIEND.

#655

⇓

I THINK IT IS SO GREAT THAT YOU'RE GONNA TALK TO YOUR FRIEND.

#656

⇓

AND I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE HARD, SO IF YOU NEED ME,

#657

⇓

AND I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE HARD, SO IF YOU NEED ME,

#658

⇓

YOU JUST SAY THE WORD,

#659

⇓

AND I WILL JUMP RIGHT IN.

#660

⇓

AND I WILL JUMP RIGHT IN.

#661

⇓

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT NATHAN.

#662

⇓

THAT LITTLE GUY'S MY LIFE.

#663

⇓

THAT LITTLE GUY'S MY LIFE.

#664

⇓

I'VE GOTTA GO.

#665

⇓

WHAT'S UP?

#666

⇓

WHAT'S UP?

#667

⇓

RON, THERE IS NO EASY WAY TO DO THIS,

#668

⇓

SO I'M JUST GONNA GO AHEAD AND SAY IT.

#669

⇓

SO I'M JUST GONNA GO AHEAD AND SAY IT.

#670

⇓

I THINK NATHAN IS AUTISTIC.

#671

⇓

AND THAT'S THE REAL REASON

#672

⇓

THAT I WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM TODAY.

#673

⇓

THAT I WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM TODAY.

#674

⇓

THIS IS-- THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

#675

⇓

I KNOW, BUT THE GOOD NEWS HERE

#676

⇓

IS THAT WE FOUND OUT EARLY,

#677

⇓

SO YOU CAN BE AS PROACTIVE AS YOU--

#678

⇓

NO, NO, NO.

#679

⇓

NO, NO, NO.

#680

⇓

YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE. (CHUCKLES) I MEAN...

#681

⇓

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE FACT THAT MY KID

#682

⇓

IS BETTER THAN YOUR KID AT BUILDING BLOCKS,

#683

⇓

SO YOU TELL ME THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM?!

#684

⇓

SO YOU TELL ME THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM?!

#685

⇓

YOU KNOW WHAT, UH...

#686

⇓

YOU KNOW WHAT, UH...

#687

⇓

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, HMM?

#688

⇓

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, HMM?

#689

⇓

THAT'S JUST NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

#690

⇓

THAT'S JUST NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

#691

⇓

NO WAY.

#692

⇓

J.D.: AT FIRST I WAS A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED

#693

⇓

J.D.: AT FIRST I WAS A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED

#694

⇓

THAT I WASN'T SLEEPING AT KYLIE'S,

#695

⇓

BUT IT WAS GOOD TO BE HOME.

#696

⇓

I'M HOME! HELLO, FRIDGE.

#697

⇓

I'M HOME! HELLO, FRIDGE.

#698

⇓

GOOD TO SEE YA, LAMP.

#699

⇓

GOOD TO SEE YA, LAMP.

#700

⇓

HERE I COME, COUCH!

#701

⇓

OOF! (THUD)

#702

⇓

OOF! (THUD)

#703

⇓

YOU GUYS MOVED COUCH?

#704

⇓

J.D.: IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO LET YOUR FRIENDS KNOW THAT YOU APPRECIATE THEM...

#705

⇓

J.D.: IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO LET YOUR FRIENDS KNOW THAT YOU APPRECIATE THEM...

#706

⇓

J.D.: IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO LET YOUR FRIENDS KNOW THAT YOU APPRECIATE THEM...

#707

⇓

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HOME, BUDDY.

#708

⇓

I MISSED YOU, MY AFRICAN-AMERICAN FRIEND.

#709

⇓

CALL ME BROWN BEAR.

#710

⇓

CALL ME BROWN BEAR.

#711

⇓

BROWN BEAR.

#712

⇓

THIS, UH...

#713

⇓

THIS, UH...

#714

⇓

IS A CLASSMATE OF MINE FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL.

#715

⇓

HE'S LOCATED UP IN YOUR AREA NOW.

#716

⇓

HE'S LOCATED UP IN YOUR AREA NOW.

#717

⇓

I THINK HE'D REALLY BE ABLE TO HELP YOU.

#718

⇓

I THINK HE'D REALLY BE ABLE TO HELP YOU.

#719

⇓

J.D.: BUT SOMETIMES YOU JUST CAN'T QUITE FIND WORDS

#720

⇓

TO SHOW THAT APPRECIATION.

#721

⇓

TO SHOW THAT APPRECIATION.

#722

⇓

YOU KNOW, UH...

#723

⇓

YOU KNOW, UH...

#724

⇓

I JUST WANNA SAY THAT, UH,

#725

⇓

I'M GONNA HANDLE THIS KID SITUATION

#726

⇓

I'M GONNA HANDLE THIS KID SITUATION

#727

⇓

SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU EVER COULD.

#728

⇓

(LAUGHS) OH, GIVE ME A BREAK.

#729

⇓

I WOULD KICK YOUR ASS IN SITUATION-HANDLING.

#730

⇓

I WOULD KICK YOUR ASS IN SITUATION-HANDLING.

#731

⇓

I'M A DOCTOR, FOR GOD SAKES.

#732

⇓

AND FOR THE RECORD,

#733

⇓

AND FOR THE RECORD,

#734

⇓

THE VEGAS ODDS-MAKERS ARE MAKIN' COXY A HEAVY FAVORITE.

#735

⇓

THE VEGAS ODDS-MAKERS ARE MAKIN' COXY A HEAVY FAVORITE.

#736

⇓

WELL, THEN, I WOULD JUST BET ON ME AND MAKE A BUNDLE.

#737

⇓

YOU KNOW WHAT?

#738

⇓

YOU KNOW WHAT?

#739

⇓

I PROBABLY WOULD, TOO.

#740

⇓

(CHUCKLES)

#741

⇓

(CHUCKLES)

#742

⇓

AHA!

#743

⇓

BEHOLD, THE TWINKIE FROM THE FIRST DAY WE MOVED IN.

#744

⇓

BEHOLD, THE TWINKIE FROM THE FIRST DAY WE MOVED IN.

#745

⇓

I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY, TURK.

#746

⇓

I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY, TURK.

#747

⇓

SPLITSIES?

#748

⇓

OF COURSE.

#749

⇓

(CHUCKLES) WANT SOME? NO.

#750

⇓

OK, FINE. MORE FOR ME.

#751

⇓

SO, BAMBI,

#752

⇓

SO, BAMBI,

#753

⇓

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH ALL THE THINGS YOU DO AROUND HERE?

#754

⇓

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

#755

⇓

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

#756

⇓

THE LAUNDRY,

#757

⇓

THE FIXING THE RADIATOR,

#758

⇓

THE FIXING THE RADIATOR,

#759

⇓

THE LISTENING TO ME GOSSIP,

#760

⇓

AND PLAYING STUPID GAMES WITH TURK.

#761

⇓

AND PLAYING STUPID GAMES WITH TURK.

#762

⇓

HOW DO YOU MAKE YOURSELF DO ALL THAT STUFF?

#763

⇓

J.D.: AT THE END OF THE DAY, THE BEST THING TO DO FOR YOUR FRIENDS

#764

⇓

J.D.: AT THE END OF THE DAY, THE BEST THING TO DO FOR YOUR FRIENDS

#765

⇓

IS TO BE HONEST.

#766

⇓

I DON'T KNOW. I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

#767

⇓

I GUESS WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE,

#768

⇓

I GUESS WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE,

#769

⇓

YOU'LL DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO MAKE 'EM HAPPY.

#770

⇓

YOU'LL DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO MAKE 'EM HAPPY.

#771

⇓

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

#772

⇓

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

#773

⇓

YOU GUYS COULDN'T GO ONE WEEK ALONE WITH EACH OTHER

#774

⇓

WITHOUT NEEDING J. DIZZLE AROUND.

#775

⇓

WITHOUT NEEDING J. DIZZLE AROUND.

#776

⇓

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?

#777

⇓

J.D.: YOU JUST HAVE TO HOPE THAT YOUR HONESTY

#778

⇓

J.D.: YOU JUST HAVE TO HOPE THAT YOUR HONESTY

#779

⇓

DOESN'T MAKE THEM REALIZE SOMETHING THEY DIDN'T WANNA KNOW.

#780

⇓

WE'RE IN TROUBLE, AREN'T WE?

#781

⇓

YEAH.

#782

⇓

YEAH.

#783

⇓

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