Home » Scrubs » S04E14 — My Lucky Charm

Scrubs

Season 4, Episode 14 — My Lucky Charm

J.D.: BEING A GREAT DOCTOR ISN'T JUST ABOUT MEDICAL KNOWLEDGE.

#1

⇓

IT'S ALSO ABOUT PEOPLE SKILLS.

#2

⇓

IT'S ALSO ABOUT PEOPLE SKILLS.

#3

⇓

WOW. THAT IS THE WORST BROKEN NOSE I HAVE EVER SEEN.

#4

⇓

WOW. THAT IS THE WORST BROKEN NOSE I HAVE EVER SEEN.

#5

⇓

I'M HERE BECAUSE I STEPPED ON A NAIL.

#6

⇓

OF COURSE.

#7

⇓

(THINKING) WERE YOU WALKING ON YOUR NOSE?

#8

⇓

(THINKING) WERE YOU WALKING ON YOUR NOSE?

#9

⇓

UNFORTUNATELY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WAIT

#10

⇓

A LITTLE BIT LONGER, OK? 'CAUSE WE ADMIT PEOPLE

#11

⇓

A LITTLE BIT LONGER, OK? 'CAUSE WE ADMIT PEOPLE

#12

⇓

BY SEVERITY OF CONDITION.

#13

⇓

THAT WAS MORTIFYING.

#14

⇓

THAT WAS MORTIFYING.

#15

⇓

AAH! MY FACE!

#16

⇓

AAH! MY FACE!

#17

⇓

YOU KNOW, WITH THE FACE BURNS,

#18

⇓

WE COULD PROBABLY ADMIT YOU NOW.

#19

⇓

LAVERNE?

#20

⇓

LAVERNE?

#21

⇓

(CRYING)

#22

⇓

AAH!

#23

⇓

AND, TOO, YOU KNOW, FRIDAY NIGHT,

#24

⇓

THERE'S A CHAMBER ORCHESTRA PLAYING IN THE COURTYARD OF THE MUSEUM.

#25

⇓

THERE'S A CHAMBER ORCHESTRA PLAYING IN THE COURTYARD OF THE MUSEUM.

#26

⇓

I WOULD LOVE THAT. YOU WANNA GO?

#27

⇓

MY GOD, I LOVE PACHELBEL.

#28

⇓

J.D.: CARLA AND ELLIOT

#29

⇓

J.D.: CARLA AND ELLIOT

#30

⇓

WERE GOING THROUGH THEIR WEEKLY RITUAL

#31

⇓

OF MAKING PLANS THEY WERE NEVER GOING TO KEEP.

#32

⇓

WE SHOULD HAVE DINNER BEFOREHAND. PERFECT.

#33

⇓

WE SHOULD HAVE DINNER BEFOREHAND. PERFECT.

#34

⇓

J.D.: AND SINCE TURK KNEW THESE WERE FAKE PLANS,

#35

⇓

HE USED THE OPPORTUNITY TO SCORE BONUS POINTS WITH HIS WIFE.

#36

⇓

HE USED THE OPPORTUNITY TO SCORE BONUS POINTS WITH HIS WIFE.

#37

⇓

CLASSIC HUSBANDING.

#38

⇓

CLASSIC HUSBANDING.

#39

⇓

HEY, BABY. YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET DINNER.

#40

⇓

I'LL MAKE YOU A HOMEMADE PICNIC BASKET.

#41

⇓

I'LL MAKE YOU A HOMEMADE PICNIC BASKET.

#42

⇓

OHH.

#43

⇓

I MARRIED AN AMAZING MAN.

#44

⇓

YOU SURE DID. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE GOT AN EVEN BETTER IDEA.

#45

⇓

YOU SURE DID. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE GOT AN EVEN BETTER IDEA.

#46

⇓

MAYBE J.D. AND I COULD BOTH COME, RIGHT?

#47

⇓

MAYBE J.D. AND I COULD BOTH COME, RIGHT?

#48

⇓

WE'LL WEAR SPORT COATS AND YOU GUYS, BEAUTIFUL DRESSES.

#49

⇓

WE'LL WEAR SPORT COATS AND YOU GUYS, BEAUTIFUL DRESSES.

#50

⇓

OH, MY GOD, I LOVE THAT IDEA.

#51

⇓

I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. IT'S AWESOME. IT'S AWESOME.

#52

⇓

I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. IT'S AWESOME. IT'S AWESOME.

#53

⇓

(WHOOPING)

#54

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J.D.: TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST, SO DID I.

#55

⇓

I NEVER GET AN OPPORTUNITY

#56

⇓

TO WEAR MY HOUNDS-TOOTH SPORTS COAT.

#57

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UNLIKE ELLIOT AND CARLA,

#58

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WHEN TURK AND I MADE PLANS, WE KEPT THEM.

#59

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IT'S 10:00. YOU READY?

#60

⇓

IT'S 10:00. YOU READY?

#61

⇓

LET'S DO IT.

#62

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J.D.: BUT LATELY FOR US,

#63

⇓

OUR PLANS RARELY INVOLVED LEAVING THE APARTMENT.

#64

⇓

OUR PLANS RARELY INVOLVED LEAVING THE APARTMENT.

#65

⇓

I WASN'T TOO EXCITED ABOUT TAKING OVER THIS SPOT

#66

⇓

I WASN'T TOO EXCITED ABOUT TAKING OVER THIS SPOT

#67

⇓

AFTER YOU SAT IN IT FOR 20 MINUTES.

#68

⇓

BUT I GOTTA TELL YA, IT'S WARM IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES.

#69

⇓

BUT I GOTTA TELL YA, IT'S WARM IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES.

#70

⇓

(THINKING) MM-HMM.

#71

⇓

HOW DO YOU LIKE WHAT I LEFT YOU OVER THERE?

#72

⇓

HOW DO YOU LIKE WHAT I LEFT YOU OVER THERE?

#73

⇓

AW, MAN, YOUR ASS INDENTATION IS SO DEEP.

#74

⇓

IT'S LIKE I'M SITTING IN A GIANT INNER TUBE.

#75

⇓

IT'S LIKE I'M SITTING IN A GIANT INNER TUBE.

#76

⇓

J.D.: AS TURK AND I RECUPERATED FROM OUR BIG CHAIR SWAP,

#77

⇓

I WONDERED WHAT OTHER COUPLES WERE DOING TONIGHT.

#78

⇓

I WONDERED WHAT OTHER COUPLES WERE DOING TONIGHT.

#79

⇓

DID I JUST REFER TO TURK AND I AS A COUPLE?

#80

⇓

DID I JUST REFER TO TURK AND I AS A COUPLE?

#81

⇓

MY POINT IS, I'M SURE OTHER COUPLES WERE OUT HAVING FUN.

#82

⇓

YOU LOOK SO HOT.

#83

⇓

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME WE KISSED?

#84

⇓

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME WE KISSED?

#85

⇓

ABOUT A MONTH AGO.

#86

⇓

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WE HAD SEX?

#87

⇓

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WE HAD SEX?

#88

⇓

YESTERDAY. WHAT DO YOU SAY

#89

⇓

WE HEAD INTO THE BATHROOM OF THIS PLACE

#90

⇓

AND LOWER THE HEALTH CODE RATING FROM AN "A" TO A "B"?

#91

⇓

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

#92

⇓

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

#93

⇓

J.D.: I GUESS SOME PEOPLE FIGURE,

#94

⇓

WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?

#95

⇓

WELL?

#96

⇓

IT'S BLUE.

#97

⇓

I'M NOT PREGNANT.

#98

⇓

I'M NOT PREGNANT.

#99

⇓

OH...

#100

⇓

YOU KNOW WHAT'S WEIRD? I'M RELIEVED.

#101

⇓

YOU KNOW WHAT'S WEIRD? I'M RELIEVED.

#102

⇓

I JUST FEEL KIND OF SAD BECAUSE I THINK ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL OUR SON IS,

#103

⇓

I JUST FEEL KIND OF SAD BECAUSE I THINK ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL OUR SON IS,

#104

⇓

AND I KIND OF WISH IT HAD GONE THE OTHER WAY.

#105

⇓

YOU KNOW?

#106

⇓

YOU KNOW?

#107

⇓

SWEETIE?

#108

⇓

SHE'S NOT PREGNANT!

#109

⇓

IT CAME OUT BLUE! IT'S BLUE!

#110

⇓

IT CAME OUT BLUE! IT'S BLUE!

#111

⇓

SHE'S NOT PREGNANT!

#112

⇓

SHE'S NOT PREGNANT!

#113

⇓

IT'S BLUE!

#114

⇓

IT CAME OUT BLUE!

#115

⇓

IT CAME OUT BLUE!

#116

⇓

# I CAN'T DO THIS ALL ON MY OWN, NO, I KNOW #

#117

⇓

# I CAN'T DO THIS ALL ON MY OWN, NO, I KNOW #

#118

⇓

# I'M NO SUPERMAN #

#119

⇓

# I'M NO SUPERMAN #

#120

⇓

THE EPI ISN'T WORKING.

#121

⇓

I STILL DON'T HAVE A RHYTHM.

#122

⇓

I STILL DON'T HAVE A RHYTHM.

#123

⇓

TRANSCUTANEOUS PACER ISN'T CAPTURING.

#124

⇓

PUPILS ARE FIXED AND DILATED. I'M CALLING IT.

#125

⇓

PUPILS ARE FIXED AND DILATED. I'M CALLING IT.

#126

⇓

TIME OF DEATH, 9:17.

#127

⇓

TIME OF DEATH, 9:17.

#128

⇓

I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WHEN I DIED,

#129

⇓

I'D SEE A BRIGHT LIGHT OR FLOAT ABOVE THE GROUND.

#130

⇓

I'D SEE A BRIGHT LIGHT OR FLOAT ABOVE THE GROUND.

#131

⇓

IT TURNS OUT DEATH IS PRETTY MUNDANE.

#132

⇓

IT TURNS OUT DEATH IS PRETTY MUNDANE.

#133

⇓

I GUESS SOMETIMES THE END IS JUST THE END.

#134

⇓

FOR THE LAST TIME, JERRY, YOU'RE NOT DEAD, OK?

#135

⇓

FOR THE LAST TIME, JERRY, YOU'RE NOT DEAD, OK?

#136

⇓

NOW, GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM.

#137

⇓

JERRY HAS COTARD'S, OR WALKING CORPSE SYNDROME.

#138

⇓

JERRY HAS COTARD'S, OR WALKING CORPSE SYNDROME.

#139

⇓

THE GUY THINKS HE'S DEAD EVEN THOUGH HE'S WALKING AROUND.

#140

⇓

THE GUY THINKS HE'S DEAD EVEN THOUGH HE'S WALKING AROUND.

#141

⇓

(THINKING) I THINK I'LL TRY TO ASK TURK SOMETHING TELEPATHICALLY.

#142

⇓

HEY, MAN, YOU WANNA DO SOMETHING TONIGHT?

#143

⇓

HEY, MAN, YOU WANNA DO SOMETHING TONIGHT?

#144

⇓

DUDE, YEAH. LET'S HANG OUT AND WATCH SOME TV.

#145

⇓

WE GOT ANY BEER?

#146

⇓

WE GOT ANY BEER?

#147

⇓

I THINK I USED THE LAST OF IT TO MAKE OUR SPECIAL PARTY ICE.

#148

⇓

HEY, IF I ACCIDENTALLY PUT BEER CUBES IN MY ORANGE JUICE AGAIN,

#149

⇓

HEY, IF I ACCIDENTALLY PUT BEER CUBES IN MY ORANGE JUICE AGAIN,

#150

⇓

THERE'S GONNA BE TROUBLE.

#151

⇓

I ALMOST GOT A D.U.I. BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS.

#152

⇓

I ALMOST GOT A D.U.I. BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS.

#153

⇓

DR. MICKHEAD WAS WONDERING

#154

⇓

IF YOU WOULD COVER HIS PATIENT IN 310.

#155

⇓

IF YOU WOULD COVER HIS PATIENT IN 310.

#156

⇓

THE GUY WAS IN SOME BAR FIGHT

#157

⇓

AND HAS BEEN UNCONSCIOUS SINCE HE GOT THERE.

#158

⇓

HE WAS BROUGHT IN BY SOME BROTHER FROM IRELAND.

#159

⇓

YOU MEAN AN IRISH BROTHER OR AN IRISH BROTHER?

#160

⇓

YOU MEAN AN IRISH BROTHER OR AN IRISH BROTHER?

#161

⇓

TOP OF THE MIZZLE TO YOU, ME LIZZLES.

#162

⇓

TOP OF THE MIZZLE TO YOU, ME LIZZLES.

#163

⇓

I MEAN HIS SIBLING.

#164

⇓

AW, MAN.

#165

⇓

AW, MAN.

#166

⇓

AND YOU MUST BE THE IRISH BROTHER.

#167

⇓

NO, SIR. RON PETERSON, OHIO BORN AND BRED.

#168

⇓

NO, SIR. RON PETERSON, OHIO BORN AND BRED.

#169

⇓

YEP. RED-STATER AND PROUD OF IT.

#170

⇓

YEP. RED-STATER AND PROUD OF IT.

#171

⇓

OH, SORRY. WE--

#172

⇓

OH, ONLY TAKING THE PISS OUT OF YA, LADS.

#173

⇓

OH, ONLY TAKING THE PISS OUT OF YA, LADS.

#174

⇓

NAME'S BILLY CALLAHAN.

#175

⇓

HAD YOU GOING WITH THE AMERICAN ACCENT, THOUGH, DIDN'T I?

#176

⇓

HAD YOU GOING WITH THE AMERICAN ACCENT, THOUGH, DIDN'T I?

#177

⇓

I'LL JUST PUT IT OUT THERE. DO US A FAVOR.

#178

⇓

IS THERE ANY CHANCE I COULD GET ONE OF THESE FILLED WITH GUINNESS?

#179

⇓

IS THERE ANY CHANCE I COULD GET ONE OF THESE FILLED WITH GUINNESS?

#180

⇓

I HAVE AN AWFUL HANGOVER. ME HEAD IS SPLITTIN'.

#181

⇓

WE HAD A LATE NIGHT LAST NIGHT AS YOU CAN SEE.

#182

⇓

WE HAD A LATE NIGHT LAST NIGHT AS YOU CAN SEE.

#183

⇓

AND I'M A BIT SHAKY. IS THERE ANY CHANCE?

#184

⇓

PROBABLY NOT. WE DON'T USUALLY DO THAT.

#185

⇓

PROBABLY NOT. WE DON'T USUALLY DO THAT.

#186

⇓

NO? OK.

#187

⇓

CARLA, I'M SO BUMMED.

#188

⇓

I CAN'T GO SEE THE CHAMBER ORCHESTRA TONIGHT.

#189

⇓

I CAN'T GO SEE THE CHAMBER ORCHESTRA TONIGHT.

#190

⇓

I TOTALLY FORGOT I HAVE MY CANTONESE CLASS.

#191

⇓

AND I WOULD TOTALLY CALL AND CANCEL,

#192

⇓

AND I WOULD TOTALLY CALL AND CANCEL,

#193

⇓

BUT THE ONLY THING I KNOW HOW TO SAY IS, "I'M ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS."

#194

⇓

OH, ELLIOT, I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS.

#195

⇓

OH, ELLIOT, I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS.

#196

⇓

REALLY? ABOUT 5 SECONDS AGO,

#197

⇓

YOU WERE ALL GIDDY ABOUT GOING HOME

#198

⇓

YOU WERE ALL GIDDY ABOUT GOING HOME

#199

⇓

AND TAKING A BATH TONIGHT.

#200

⇓

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?

#201

⇓

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?

#202

⇓

NEW THING. I'M BUSTING CHOPS.

#203

⇓

SO, YOU JUST FORGOT WE EVEN HAD PLANS?

#204

⇓

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? YOU WERE FLAKING ON THEM ANYWAY.

#205

⇓

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? YOU WERE FLAKING ON THEM ANYWAY.

#206

⇓

I WASN'T. I HAVE MY CANTONESE CLASS.

#207

⇓

I WASN'T. I HAVE MY CANTONESE CLASS.

#208

⇓

BUT DO YOU?

#209

⇓

DO YOU REALLY?

#210

⇓

BUSTING CHOPS.

#211

⇓

FINE! AT LEAST I REMEMBERED THE PLANS WELL ENOUGH TO FLAKE ON THEM!

#212

⇓

OH, YEAH? WELL, IF I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO FLAKE ON THEM,

#213

⇓

OH, YEAH? WELL, IF I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO FLAKE ON THEM,

#214

⇓

I WOULD'VE NEVER MADE PLANS

#215

⇓

TO FORGET IN THE FIRST PLACE, 'CAUSE YOU--

#216

⇓

SHE'S GONE, CARLA. IT'S OVER.

#217

⇓

SHE'S GONE, CARLA. IT'S OVER.

#218

⇓

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS?

#219

⇓

DEEP SEA FISHING. YOU HATE FISHING.

#220

⇓

DEEP SEA FISHING. YOU HATE FISHING.

#221

⇓

WENT WITH MY BUDDIES. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY BUDDIES.

#222

⇓

OH, YEAH? WELL, WE LANDED A 200-POUND WHITE MARLIN OFF THE COAST OF SAN DIEGO.

#223

⇓

OH, YEAH? WELL, WE LANDED A 200-POUND WHITE MARLIN OFF THE COAST OF SAN DIEGO.

#224

⇓

INTERESTING. BECAUSE THAT'S 3,000 MILES

#225

⇓

INTERESTING. BECAUSE THAT'S 3,000 MILES

#226

⇓

FROM THE NATURAL HABITAT OF THE WHITE MARLIN.

#227

⇓

HMM. WELL, PERHAPS IT HOPPED A TRAIN FROM CAPE COD.

#228

⇓

HMM. WELL, PERHAPS IT HOPPED A TRAIN FROM CAPE COD.

#229

⇓

WHY?

#230

⇓

I'M BUSTING CHOPS TODAY. YOU CAN ASK ANYBODY.

#231

⇓

I'M BUSTING CHOPS TODAY. YOU CAN ASK ANYBODY.

#232

⇓

IT'S TRUE.

#233

⇓

SEE?

#234

⇓

SO WHAT DID YOU REALLY DO,

#235

⇓

SO WHAT DID YOU REALLY DO,

#236

⇓

AND WHY ARE YOU LIMPING?

#237

⇓

HEY, PERRY.

#238

⇓

I GOT A VASECTOMY. DO NOT TELL JORDAN.

#239

⇓

I GOT A VASECTOMY. DO NOT TELL JORDAN.

#240

⇓

WELCOME BACK, FISHERMAN!

#241

⇓

OH, HONEY, HOW I MISSED YOU.

#242

⇓

OH, HONEY, HOW I MISSED YOU.

#243

⇓

MWAH! HI!

#244

⇓

HA HA, HI!

#245

⇓

HA HA, HI!

#246

⇓

COME ON, BILLY, JUST SAY IT.

#247

⇓

FOR THE LAST TIME, LADS, NO.

#248

⇓

OH, THEN PERHAPS YOU'RE NOT REALLY IRISH.

#249

⇓

OH, THEN PERHAPS YOU'RE NOT REALLY IRISH.

#250

⇓

FINE!

#251

⇓

PINK HEARTS,

#252

⇓

YELLOW MOONS,

#253

⇓

YELLOW MOONS,

#254

⇓

ORANGE STARS,

#255

⇓

GREEN CLOVERS.

#256

⇓

BOTH: SEE, I TOLD YOU.

#257

⇓

BOTH: SEE, I TOLD YOU.

#258

⇓

YEAH, HE'S IRISH.

#259

⇓

YEAH, HE IS. YEAH, HE IS.

#260

⇓

YEAH, HE IS. YEAH, HE IS.

#261

⇓

HOW LONG YOU TWO SEEING EACH OTHER? YOU'RE A GREAT COUPLE.

#262

⇓

OH, NO, MAN, WE'RE JUST LIVING TOGETHER.

#263

⇓

OH, NO, MAN, WE'RE JUST LIVING TOGETHER.

#264

⇓

NOT LIKE--LIKE

#265

⇓

I MEAN LIKE

#266

⇓

I MEAN LIKE

#267

⇓

HEY, THAT IS A COOL TATTOO, MY BROTHER.

#268

⇓

OH, YEAH, GOT THIS WHEN I SNUCK ONTO A PLANE.

#269

⇓

OH, YEAH, GOT THIS WHEN I SNUCK ONTO A PLANE.

#270

⇓

THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BELGIUM, ENDED UP IN KENYA.

#271

⇓

LONG STORY SHORT, I HUNG OUT WITH THIS TRIBE.

#272

⇓

LONG STORY SHORT, I HUNG OUT WITH THIS TRIBE.

#273

⇓

WHEN THE MALES GO THROUGH ADOLESCENCE

#274

⇓

THEY GET THIS TATTOO.

#275

⇓

IT MEANS "ALIAS."

#276

⇓

IT MEANS "ALIAS."

#277

⇓

OH. WHY "ALIAS"?

#278

⇓

OH. WHY "ALIAS"?

#279

⇓

IT'S THEIR FAVORITE SHOW.

#280

⇓

OHH. OHH.

#281

⇓

I'M ONLY KIDDING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.

#282

⇓

I'M ONLY KIDDING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.

#283

⇓

...JENNIFER GARNER. OH, YEAH.

#284

⇓

OBVIOUSLY.

#285

⇓

ENOUGH ABOUT ME. WHAT ABOUT YOU LADS?

#286

⇓

ENOUGH ABOUT ME. WHAT ABOUT YOU LADS?

#287

⇓

YOU KNOW, SAVING LIVES HERE ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

#288

⇓

OUT AT NIGHT, GIVING IT A LASH, TEARING IT UP.

#289

⇓

OUT AT NIGHT, GIVING IT A LASH, TEARING IT UP.

#290

⇓

YOU DO GO OUT AT NIGHT, DON'T YOU?

#291

⇓

DO YOU HAVE ANY 7S?

#292

⇓

DO YOU HAVE ANY 7S?

#293

⇓

TURK.

#294

⇓

WE TEAR IT.

#295

⇓

AND SOMETIMES LASH.

#296

⇓

AND SOMETIMES LASH.

#297

⇓

BUT THE HOURS WE WORK, IT'S...

#298

⇓

IT'S LESS TEARING AND MORE FOLDING.

#299

⇓

IT'S LESS TEARING AND MORE FOLDING.

#300

⇓

RIGHT. GENTLY FOLDING.

#301

⇓

LADS, YOU'LL SLEEP ENOUGH WHEN YOU'RE DEAD AND BURIED.

#302

⇓

LADS, YOU'LL SLEEP ENOUGH WHEN YOU'RE DEAD AND BURIED.

#303

⇓

YOU HAVE TO GET OUT IN THE STREETS.

#304

⇓

YOU HAVE TO TALK TO A STRANGER.

#305

⇓

DRINK A BEER WITH BREAKFAST.

#306

⇓

DRINK A BEER WITH BREAKFAST.

#307

⇓

TAKE THE UGLIEST GIRL HOME AT THE PARTY.

#308

⇓

DONE IT! DONE THAT.

#309

⇓

DONE IT! DONE THAT.

#310

⇓

THAT ONE I'VE DONE.

#311

⇓

GO TRAVELING TO TEXAS, YOU KNOW.

#312

⇓

GO LINE DANCING WITH SOME MARRIED WOMEN

#313

⇓

GO LINE DANCING WITH SOME MARRIED WOMEN

#314

⇓

THAT WISH THEY WEREN'T MARRIED.

#315

⇓

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT LIFE WILL PUT IN YOUR LAP

#316

⇓

WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR ARMS AND EMBRACE IT.

#317

⇓

WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR ARMS AND EMBRACE IT.

#318

⇓

BE SURPRISED WHAT WILL FALL IN YOUR LAP

#319

⇓

WHEN YOU OPEN UP AND EMBRACE LIFE.

#320

⇓

WHEN YOU OPEN UP AND EMBRACE LIFE.

#321

⇓

DUDE. ELLIOT!

#322

⇓

HE SAID MY EYES LOOKED LIKE THE IRISH COUNTRYSIDE AFTER A SOFT RAIN.

#323

⇓

HE SAID MY EYES LOOKED LIKE THE IRISH COUNTRYSIDE AFTER A SOFT RAIN.

#324

⇓

AHEM.

#325

⇓

I SHOULD GO.

#326

⇓

I SHOULD GO.

#327

⇓

THAT HAPPENED VERY QUICKLY.

#328

⇓

DON'T EVEN SWEAT IT. IT'S ELLIOT.

#329

⇓

DON'T EVEN SWEAT IT. IT'S ELLIOT.

#330

⇓

SHE'S DESPERATE.

#331

⇓

DUDE.

#332

⇓

DUDE.

#333

⇓

BABY! WHAT?!

#334

⇓

WHAT? I WASN'T GONNA DO ANYTHING.

#335

⇓

WHAT? I WASN'T GONNA DO ANYTHING.

#336

⇓

HE SAID MY HAIR WAS CURLY.

#337

⇓

YOUR HAIR IS CURLY.

#338

⇓

YOUR HAIR IS CURLY.

#339

⇓

BOTH: BABY!

#340

⇓

OK.

#341

⇓

WHAT DID YOU DO AROUND THE APARTMENT WHILE I WAS GONE?

#342

⇓

WHAT DID YOU DO AROUND THE APARTMENT WHILE I WAS GONE?

#343

⇓

OH, I TURNED YOUR LITTLE OFFICE INTO MY PAJAMA CLOSET.

#344

⇓

OH, I TURNED YOUR LITTLE OFFICE INTO MY PAJAMA CLOSET.

#345

⇓

I THREW OUT EVERYTHING IN THE REFRIGERATOR

#346

⇓

I THREW OUT EVERYTHING IN THE REFRIGERATOR

#347

⇓

THAT HAD THE WORD "JERKY" OR "WHIZ" ON IT.

#348

⇓

I GOT RID OF ALL YOUR CLOTHES THAT MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE 20 YEARS OLD.

#349

⇓

I GOT RID OF ALL YOUR CLOTHES THAT MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE 20 YEARS OLD.

#350

⇓

DON'T WORRY, I SAVED YOUR HOCKEY JERSEYS,

#351

⇓

ALTHOUGH I DID MOVE THEM INTO MY NEW PAJAMA CLOSET.

#352

⇓

ALTHOUGH I DID MOVE THEM INTO MY NEW PAJAMA CLOSET.

#353

⇓

AND FOR SOME REASON NONE OF THE REMOTES WORK ANYMORE.

#354

⇓

AND FOR SOME REASON NONE OF THE REMOTES WORK ANYMORE.

#355

⇓

AND WHY ARE YOU LIMPING?

#356

⇓

FISHING.

#357

⇓

FISHING.

#358

⇓

I'M LIMPING FROM FISHING.

#359

⇓

I'M LIMPING FROM FISHING.

#360

⇓

I KNOW THAT LIMP.

#361

⇓

NO, BOB. BOB, NO.

#362

⇓

YOU JUST GOT A VASECTOMY.

#363

⇓

YOU JUST GOT A VASECTOMY.

#364

⇓

I HAD MINE DONE BACK IN '68.

#365

⇓

IRONICALLY, THAT WAS THE SAME YEAR THAT ENID DISCOVERED PASTA

#366

⇓

IRONICALLY, THAT WAS THE SAME YEAR THAT ENID DISCOVERED PASTA

#367

⇓

AND I DISCOVERED I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO ENORMOUS WOMEN.

#368

⇓

AND I DISCOVERED I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO ENORMOUS WOMEN.

#369

⇓

I DIDN'T JUST GET A VASECTOMY.

#370

⇓

COME ON, SOLDIER.

#371

⇓

COME ON, SOLDIER.

#372

⇓

IF I HAVE TO FORCE YOU TO DROP YOUR PANTS, I WILL.

#373

⇓

IF I HAVE TO FORCE YOU TO DROP YOUR PANTS, I WILL.

#374

⇓

SO TELL BOBBO,

#375

⇓

WAS IT A HARD DECISION FOR THE TWO OF YOU TO MAKE?

#376

⇓

WAS IT A HARD DECISION FOR THE TWO OF YOU TO MAKE?

#377

⇓

SNIP IT, DOC.

#378

⇓

SNIP IT, DOC.

#379

⇓

SNIP IT HARD.

#380

⇓

YEAH, WE--WE REALLY STRUGGLED WITH IT.

#381

⇓

YEAH, WE--WE REALLY STRUGGLED WITH IT.

#382

⇓

YEAH, WE--WE REALLY STRUGGLED WITH IT.

#383

⇓

I DON'T REALLY CARE.

#384

⇓

ALL RIGHT, LOVE.

#385

⇓

(SIGHS)

#386

⇓

(SIGHS)

#387

⇓

WHY ARE YOU WAVING? YOU'RE MARRIED.

#388

⇓

SO WHAT, MARRIED PEOPLE CAN'T WAVE NOW?

#389

⇓

SO WHAT, MARRIED PEOPLE CAN'T WAVE NOW?

#390

⇓

THEY CAN WAVE LIKE THIS...

#391

⇓

BUT YOU CAN'T WAVE

#392

⇓

BUT YOU CAN'T WAVE

#393

⇓

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A WAVING EXPERT.

#394

⇓

WHAT PLANS OF OURS DID YOU FLAKE ON TO GO TO THAT WAVING SEMINAR?

#395

⇓

WHAT PLANS OF OURS DID YOU FLAKE ON TO GO TO THAT WAVING SEMINAR?

#396

⇓

OH, WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?

#397

⇓

DID YOU FORGET?

#398

⇓

DID YOU FORGET?

#399

⇓

YOU BIG PLAN-FORGETTER.

#400

⇓

BESIDES, I DON'T NEED TO GO TO A WAVING SEMINAR

#401

⇓

TO KNOW THAT THIS WAVE IS INTERNATIONALLY KNOWN

#402

⇓

TO KNOW THAT THIS WAVE IS INTERNATIONALLY KNOWN

#403

⇓

AS "I AM A MARRIED WOMAN WHOSE SELF-ESTEEM HAS PLUMMETED

#404

⇓

AS "I AM A MARRIED WOMAN WHOSE SELF-ESTEEM HAS PLUMMETED

#405

⇓

"BECAUSE NOBODY LOOKS AT ME ANYMORE,

#406

⇓

SO I'M ACTING LIKE A DESPERATE HUSSY."

#407

⇓

SO I'M ACTING LIKE A DESPERATE HUSSY."

#408

⇓

OH, SNAP.

#409

⇓

DID YOU JUST CALL ME A HUSSY?

#410

⇓

DID YOU JUST CALL ME A HUSSY?

#411

⇓

DESPERATE HUSSY.

#412

⇓

AAH! AAH!

#413

⇓

OW! OHH! OHH!

#414

⇓

AAH!

#415

⇓

AAH!

#416

⇓

AAH! (SPEAKING SPANISH)

#417

⇓

WHOA, WHOA, LADIES! LADIES, STOP!

#418

⇓

WHOA, WHOA, LADIES! LADIES, STOP!

#419

⇓

CONTINUE.

#420

⇓

AAH! AAH!

#421

⇓

AAH! AAH!

#422

⇓

SO, BILLY, WE'RE GONNA NEED TO GET

#423

⇓

YOUR BROTHER'S INSURANCE INFORMATION.

#424

⇓

YOUR BROTHER'S INSURANCE INFORMATION.

#425

⇓

OH, HE'S NOT ME BROTHER.

#426

⇓

I ONLY MET THE FELLA LAST NIGHT, GOD BLESS HIM.

#427

⇓

I ONLY MET THE FELLA LAST NIGHT, GOD BLESS HIM.

#428

⇓

J.D.: IN LIFE, WE OFTEN MAKE ASSUMPTIONS THAT AREN'T TRUE.

#429

⇓

J.D.: IN LIFE, WE OFTEN MAKE ASSUMPTIONS THAT AREN'T TRUE.

#430

⇓

WHETHER IT'S ASSUMING YOU KNOW HOW SOMEONE'S GOING TO REACT...

#431

⇓

OK...LET ME HAVE IT.

#432

⇓

OK...LET ME HAVE IT.

#433

⇓

WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY, SWEETIE.

#434

⇓

WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY, SWEETIE.

#435

⇓

I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME.

#436

⇓

I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME.

#437

⇓

OW! OHH! OHH! AAH!

#438

⇓

OW! OHH! OHH! AAH!

#439

⇓

J.D.: OR ASSUMING THAT A LITTLE GIRL FROM CONNECTICUT

#440

⇓

WOULD NEVER FIGHT DIRTY.

#441

⇓

WOULD NEVER FIGHT DIRTY.

#442

⇓

(BOTH SCREAMING)

#443

⇓

I'M GOING IN! UNH!

#444

⇓

AAH! OHH!

#445

⇓

J.D.: THE CRAZY THING IS,

#446

⇓

MOST ASSUMPTIONS COULD BE AVOIDED

#447

⇓

IF YOU JUST ASKED A SIMPLE QUESTION IN THE FIRST PLACE.

#448

⇓

IF YOU JUST ASKED A SIMPLE QUESTION IN THE FIRST PLACE.

#449

⇓

WELL, IF YOU'RE NOT HIS BROTHER, THEN WHO ARE YOU?

#450

⇓

ME? I'M THE BLOKE THAT HIT HIM.

#451

⇓

ME? I'M THE BLOKE THAT HIT HIM.

#452

⇓

BILLY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.

#453

⇓

BILLY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.

#454

⇓

LADS, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

#455

⇓

HE THREW THE FIRST PUNCH.

#456

⇓

HE THREW THE FIRST PUNCH.

#457

⇓

THEN I HIT HIM, HE SLIPPED, HIT HIS HEAD ON THE BAR.

#458

⇓

NOW, LISTEN, WHERE I COME FROM,

#459

⇓

NOW, LISTEN, WHERE I COME FROM,

#460

⇓

YOU KNOCK SOMEONE UNCONSCIOUS,

#461

⇓

YOU STAY AROUND, YOU MAKE SURE THEY'RE OK.

#462

⇓

YOU STAY AROUND, YOU MAKE SURE THEY'RE OK.

#463

⇓

RIGHT? SO GUESS WHAT?

#464

⇓

I WON'T BE LEAVING.

#465

⇓

WELL, THEN YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME AND MY PARTNER.

#466

⇓

WELL, THEN YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME AND MY PARTNER.

#467

⇓

I MEAN, LIKE MY PARTNER,

#468

⇓

NOT LIKE MY PARTNER.

#469

⇓

NOT LIKE MY PARTNER.

#470

⇓

CAN I TALK TO YOU OUTSIDE FOR A SECOND?

#471

⇓

CAN I TALK TO YOU OUTSIDE FOR A SECOND?

#472

⇓

HOW YOU DOING?

#473

⇓

HOW YOU DOING?

#474

⇓

NOT GREAT, ACTUALLY.

#475

⇓

I'M DEAD.

#476

⇓

BUMMER.

#477

⇓

BUMMER.

#478

⇓

HOW LONG?

#479

⇓

4 YEARS NEXT MONTH.

#480

⇓

JEEZ, THAT'S A NIGHTMARE.

#481

⇓

JEEZ, THAT'S A NIGHTMARE.

#482

⇓

I WAS DEAD ONCE... FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES.

#483

⇓

THEN ME MATE DANNY PEED ON ME HEAD.

#484

⇓

THEN ME MATE DANNY PEED ON ME HEAD.

#485

⇓

REALLY?

#486

⇓

IT'S QUITE A SIGHT TO WAKE UP TO, THOUGH.

#487

⇓

IT'S QUITE A SIGHT TO WAKE UP TO, THOUGH.

#488

⇓

HEARD YOU GUYS WERE FIGHTING.

#489

⇓

WE MADE UP.

#490

⇓

WE MADE UP.

#491

⇓

NO, THEY DIDN'T.

#492

⇓

CHOP-BUSTING...

#493

⇓

CHOP-BUSTING...

#494

⇓

AND DOC-DUSTING.

#495

⇓

WELL, ELLIOT, YOU DON'T LOOK TOO BANGED UP ABOUT IT.

#496

⇓

WELL, ELLIOT, YOU DON'T LOOK TOO BANGED UP ABOUT IT.

#497

⇓

YOU GOT YOUR ARM AROUND CARLA.

#498

⇓

MY HAND IS STUCK IN THIS RAT'S NEST THAT SHE CALLS HAIR.

#499

⇓

MY HAND IS STUCK IN THIS RAT'S NEST THAT SHE CALLS HAIR.

#500

⇓

DYE-JOB. GOT IT.

#501

⇓

BUT, CHOPSTICK, YOU GONNA HAVE TO BUY A NEW WATCH.

#502

⇓

BUT, CHOPSTICK, YOU GONNA HAVE TO BUY A NEW WATCH.

#503

⇓

AND, CARLA, YOU MAY WANT TO BORROW SOME OF MY SPRAY-ON HAIR.

#504

⇓

BABY!

#505

⇓

NO, DUDE, FORGET THEM.

#506

⇓

WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH BILLY.

#507

⇓

WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH BILLY.

#508

⇓

NOW, SHOULD WE CALL THE COPS ON THIS GUY OR WHAT?

#509

⇓

I DON'T KNOW, MAN. HE SEEMS COOL.

#510

⇓

I DON'T KNOW, MAN. HE SEEMS COOL.

#511

⇓

HE PUT A GUY IN THE HOSPITAL. THAT'S A FELONY.

#512

⇓

AND AS DOCTORS, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO REPORT HIM.

#513

⇓

AND AS DOCTORS, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO REPORT HIM.

#514

⇓

ARE YOU TRYING TO CONVINCE ME

#515

⇓

TO DO SOMETHING THAT YOU ALREADY DID?

#516

⇓

'CAUSE YOU KNOW THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY.

#517

⇓

'CAUSE YOU KNOW THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY.

#518

⇓

THIS IS A DECISION WE BOTH NEED TO MAKE,

#519

⇓

TOGETHER, AS A TEAM, AS A UNIT.

#520

⇓

TOGETHER, AS A TEAM, AS A UNIT.

#521

⇓

ALL RIGHT, FINE, LET'S CALL THE COPS.

#522

⇓

ALL RIGHT, FINE, LET'S CALL THE COPS.

#523

⇓

THANK GOD.

#524

⇓

HELLO, GENTLEMEN.

#525

⇓

WE GOT A CALL ABOUT A FELONY FROM A DR. TURK.

#526

⇓

WE GOT A CALL ABOUT A FELONY FROM A DR. TURK.

#527

⇓

"TURK" IS EASIER TO HEAR OVER THE PHONE.

#528

⇓

"TURK" IS EASIER TO HEAR OVER THE PHONE.

#529

⇓

J.D.: "DORIAN" ISN'T HARD TO HEAR OVER THE PHONE,

#530

⇓

BUT I DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH TURK.

#531

⇓

BUT I DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH TURK.

#532

⇓

WHEN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SOMEONE,

#533

⇓

YOU TEND TO TALK TO EVERYONE EXCEPT THEM.

#534

⇓

YOU TEND TO TALK TO EVERYONE EXCEPT THEM.

#535

⇓

I WENT BEHIND JORDAN'S BACK

#536

⇓

AND GOT MY JUNK REWIRED.

#537

⇓

AND GOT MY JUNK REWIRED.

#538

⇓

SHE WAS SWEET TO ME.

#539

⇓

SWEET, BOBBO.

#540

⇓

SWEET, BOBBO.

#541

⇓

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MAKE OF THAT?

#542

⇓

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MAKE OF THAT?

#543

⇓

CARLA THINKS SHE'S SO TOUGH.

#544

⇓

YOU KNOW, SHE'S BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK.

#545

⇓

YOU KNOW, SHE'S BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK.

#546

⇓

SHE'S FROM THE BLOCK. ENOUGH ABOUT THE BLOCK!

#547

⇓

IT'S NOT MY FAULT MY FAMILY HAD AN ORCHARD.

#548

⇓

IT'S NOT MY FAULT MY FAMILY HAD AN ORCHARD.

#549

⇓

FOR 4 YEARS I'VE HAD TO LISTEN TO ELLIOT COMPLAIN ABOUT HER PROBLEMS.

#550

⇓

FOR 4 YEARS I'VE HAD TO LISTEN TO ELLIOT COMPLAIN ABOUT HER PROBLEMS.

#551

⇓

"MY PARENTS ARE TOO RICH."

#552

⇓

"I SLEPT WITH J.D. AGAIN."

#553

⇓

"I SLEPT WITH J.D. AGAIN."

#554

⇓

"WHY CAN'T I GAIN ANY WEIGHT?"

#555

⇓

WELL, I GOT PROBLEMS OF MY OWN. I'M FROM THE BLOCK.

#556

⇓

WELL, I GOT PROBLEMS OF MY OWN. I'M FROM THE BLOCK.

#557

⇓

I WANTED TO HELP HER.

#558

⇓

I JUST WISH SHE COULD'VE HEARD ME.

#559

⇓

OK, JERRY, YOU'RE OUT.

#560

⇓

OK, JERRY, YOU'RE OUT.

#561

⇓

LAVERNE? MM-HMM?

#562

⇓

CAN I TALK TO YOU?

#563

⇓

PERRY, BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I'M PROUD TO WELCOME YOU

#564

⇓

PERRY, BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I'M PROUD TO WELCOME YOU

#565

⇓

TO WHAT I LIKE TO CALL THE SEEDLESS GRAPES CLUB.

#566

⇓

BUT STILL...

#567

⇓

BUT STILL...

#568

⇓

I HAVE JUST ONE OBVIOUS,

#569

⇓

AND HOPEFULLY CHOP-BUSTING QUESTION...

#570

⇓

AND HOPEFULLY CHOP-BUSTING QUESTION...

#571

⇓

WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING TO ME ABOUT THIS?

#572

⇓

ALL: I GUESS I SHOULD BE TALKING TO HER.

#573

⇓

JORDAN, JORDAN, WHY AREN'T YOU MORE UPSET ABOUT THIS?

#574

⇓

JORDAN, JORDAN, WHY AREN'T YOU MORE UPSET ABOUT THIS?

#575

⇓

HONEST TO GOD, I DON'T GET IT.

#576

⇓

HONEST TO GOD, I DON'T GET IT.

#577

⇓

I MEAN, NORMALLY YOU'D GO TO YOUR MOTHER'S FOR A BITCH REFRESHER COURSE

#578

⇓

AND THEN YOU'D COME RIGHT BACK HERE,

#579

⇓

AND THEN YOU'D COME RIGHT BACK HERE,

#580

⇓

JUST SWINGING FOR THE FENCES.

#581

⇓

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'D LOVE TO STAY AND CHAT,

#582

⇓

BUT IF WE'RE LATE FOR BALLET,

#583

⇓

BUT IF WE'RE LATE FOR BALLET,

#584

⇓

JACK WON'T GET A SPOT BY THE BATHROOM

#585

⇓

AND THEN HE'LL PEE IN HIS TIGHTS.

#586

⇓

I'M SORRY, MY SON IS TAKING-- IS TAKING BALLET?

#587

⇓

I'M SORRY, MY SON IS TAKING-- IS TAKING BALLET?

#588

⇓

I'M SORRY, MY SON IS TAKING-- IS TAKING BALLET?

#589

⇓

COME ON, JORDAN, HE'S ALREADY GOT AN OVERBEARING MOTHER

#590

⇓

AND A FAIRLY PROMINENT LISP.

#591

⇓

AND A FAIRLY PROMINENT LISP.

#592

⇓

IF WE STICK HIM IN THE TIGHTS,

#593

⇓

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST GO AHEAD AND GET HIM

#594

⇓

A TIME SHARE ON FIRE ISLAND.

#595

⇓

A TIME SHARE ON FIRE ISLAND.

#596

⇓

OH, I HAVEN'T EVEN DECIDED IF I'M GONNA MAKE HIM GAY YET.

#597

⇓

OHH, I SEE WHAT THIS IS.

#598

⇓

OHH, I SEE WHAT THIS IS.

#599

⇓

THIS IS THE PAYBACK, HUH?

#600

⇓

THIS IS THE PAYBACK, HUH?

#601

⇓

PERRY, I DIDN'T FREAK OUT BECAUSE YOU AND I

#602

⇓

ARE 2 VERY INDEPENDENT PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP

#603

⇓

ARE 2 VERY INDEPENDENT PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP

#604

⇓

AND WE DON'T ALWAYS SHARE OUR FEELINGS.

#605

⇓

I DIDN'T GET ANGRY BECAUSE I'M NOT SURPRISED.

#606

⇓

I DIDN'T GET ANGRY BECAUSE I'M NOT SURPRISED.

#607

⇓

LET'S GO BALLET.

#608

⇓

DO I WISH IT WERE DIFFERENT?

#609

⇓

SOMETIMES.

#610

⇓

SOMETIMES.

#611

⇓

BUT WHATEVER YOU AND I HAVE IS WORKING,

#612

⇓

SO I GUESS I JUST HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT.

#613

⇓

SO I GUESS I JUST HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT.

#614

⇓

BYE, DADDY.

#615

⇓

SO HOW YOU FEELING DOWN THERE?

#616

⇓

SO HOW YOU FEELING DOWN THERE?

#617

⇓

OH, GREAT. GREAT.

#618

⇓

REVERSE IT.

#619

⇓

REVERSE IT.

#620

⇓

SEE YA, LADS.

#621

⇓

OH, MAN.

#622

⇓

OH, MAN.

#623

⇓

I KNOW WE FEEL GUILTY, OK, BUT IT'S OVER.

#624

⇓

IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S GONNA BE ANY RAMIFICATIONS.

#625

⇓

IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S GONNA BE ANY RAMIFICATIONS.

#626

⇓

YOU HAVE ONE DAY

#627

⇓

YOU HAVE ONE DAY

#628

⇓

TO COME UP WITH ANOTHER GORGEOUS IRISHMAN.

#629

⇓

ONE DAY.

#630

⇓

ONE DAY.

#631

⇓

WHAT?

#632

⇓

THE TODD APPRECIATES HOT,

#633

⇓

REGARDLESS OF GENDER.

#634

⇓

REGARDLESS OF GENDER.

#635

⇓

I'M GLAD BILLY'S GONE.

#636

⇓

HE WAS SUCH A JERK.

#637

⇓

HE WAS SUCH A JERK.

#638

⇓

HE KEPT CALLING ME BONNIE.

#639

⇓

BONNIE MEANS PRETTY.

#640

⇓

OH, MY GOD,

#641

⇓

OH, MY GOD,

#642

⇓

I WILL NEVER LOVE LIKE THAT AGAIN.

#643

⇓

YOU KNOW I WASN'T REALLY MAD ABOUT BILLY

#644

⇓

YOU KNOW I WASN'T REALLY MAD ABOUT BILLY

#645

⇓

OR THE WHOLE FLAKING THING.

#646

⇓

I REMEMBER HUGGING YOU THE DAY OF MY WEDDING

#647

⇓

I REMEMBER HUGGING YOU THE DAY OF MY WEDDING

#648

⇓

AND THINKING TO MYSELF, EVEN THOUGH THE OTHER 2 BRIDESMAIDS WERE MY SISTERS,

#649

⇓

AND THINKING TO MYSELF, EVEN THOUGH THE OTHER 2 BRIDESMAIDS WERE MY SISTERS,

#650

⇓

I FELT CLOSER TO YOU.

#651

⇓

WHEN DID WE STOP BEING BEST FRIENDS?

#652

⇓

WHEN DID WE STOP BEING BEST FRIENDS?

#653

⇓

IT FEELS LIKE IT TOOK US SO LONG TO GET TO THAT POINT

#654

⇓

IT FEELS LIKE IT TOOK US SO LONG TO GET TO THAT POINT

#655

⇓

AND THEN IT'S GONE AWAY SO QUICKLY, YOU KNOW?

#656

⇓

WELL, IT'S MY FAULT.

#657

⇓

WELL, IT'S MY FAULT.

#658

⇓

I'VE BEEN BURYING MYSELF IN BEING MARRIED.

#659

⇓

OH, PLEASE, IT IS YOUR FIRST YEAR.

#660

⇓

OH, PLEASE, IT IS YOUR FIRST YEAR.

#661

⇓

I SHOULD'VE BEEN THE ONE TO MAKE THE EXTRA EFFORT.

#662

⇓

SO WHAT NOW?

#663

⇓

SO WHAT NOW?

#664

⇓

WE TRY HARDER.

#665

⇓

ALL RIGHT.

#666

⇓

ALL RIGHT.

#667

⇓

YO, WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO FIGHT LIKE THAT?

#668

⇓

WHEN YOU GROW UP ON AN ORCHARD,

#669

⇓

WHEN YOU GROW UP ON AN ORCHARD,

#670

⇓

YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH CHOICE.

#671

⇓

APPLE THIEVES.

#672

⇓

APPLE THIEVES.

#673

⇓

AH.

#674

⇓

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?

#675

⇓

I GOT THEM TO REVERSE THE VASECTOMY.

#676

⇓

I GOT THEM TO REVERSE THE VASECTOMY.

#677

⇓

WHAT AN INCREDIBLY NORMAL THING TO DO.

#678

⇓

WHAT AN INCREDIBLY NORMAL THING TO DO.

#679

⇓

JORDAN, LET ME TALK FOR A SECOND.

#680

⇓

I'VE BEEN TRAINED FOR MANY YEARS TO TAKE ANY EMOTION I FEEL,

#681

⇓

I'VE BEEN TRAINED FOR MANY YEARS TO TAKE ANY EMOTION I FEEL,

#682

⇓

PUSH IT DOWN, AND THEN LET IT OUT BY DRINKING WAY TOO MUCH

#683

⇓

PUSH IT DOWN, AND THEN LET IT OUT BY DRINKING WAY TOO MUCH

#684

⇓

AND BY YELLING AT THE FOOTBALL PLAYERS ON MY TV SCREEN.

#685

⇓

AND BY YELLING AT THE FOOTBALL PLAYERS ON MY TV SCREEN.

#686

⇓

AND I--I REALLY THOUGHT I HIT THE JACKPOT

#687

⇓

AND I--I REALLY THOUGHT I HIT THE JACKPOT

#688

⇓

WHEN I FINALLY MET A WOMAN

#689

⇓

WHO WAS AS DISTURBED AND CLOSED OFF AS I AM.

#690

⇓

WHO WAS AS DISTURBED AND CLOSED OFF AS I AM.

#691

⇓

THANK YOU.

#692

⇓

YOU'RE WELCOME.

#693

⇓

STILL, NOW I WANT MORE. I--I REALLY DO.

#694

⇓

STILL, NOW I WANT MORE. I--I REALLY DO.

#695

⇓

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THINGS.

#696

⇓

NOT EVERYTHING. NOT EVERYTHING.

#697

⇓

NOT EVERYTHING. NOT EVERYTHING.

#698

⇓

I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING.

#699

⇓

FOR INSTANCE, I DON'T NEED TO KNOW

#700

⇓

FOR INSTANCE, I DON'T NEED TO KNOW

#701

⇓

WHEN YOU BEAT UP A WOMAN IN THE PARK

#702

⇓

BECAUSE HER PURSE IS THE SAME COLOR AS YOURS,

#703

⇓

BECAUSE HER PURSE IS THE SAME COLOR AS YOURS,

#704

⇓

BUT THINGS THAT MATTER.

#705

⇓

THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO US AS A FAMILY.

#706

⇓

THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO US AS A FAMILY.

#707

⇓

AND I KNOW--I KNOW THAT THERE ARE GUYS WHO BRING FLOWERS

#708

⇓

AND I KNOW--I KNOW THAT THERE ARE GUYS WHO BRING FLOWERS

#709

⇓

AND THERE ARE GUYS WHO WRITE LOVE SONGS.

#710

⇓

AND THERE ARE GUYS WHO WRITE LOVE SONGS.

#711

⇓

BUT, JORDAN, I'M A GUY SITTING IN FRONT OF YOU HERE

#712

⇓

WITH A TWICE-OPERATED-ON PENIS

#713

⇓

WITH A TWICE-OPERATED-ON PENIS

#714

⇓

THAT SAYS I WANT TO BE A COUPLE

#715

⇓

THAT COMMUNICATES MORE OPENLY.

#716

⇓

THAT COMMUNICATES MORE OPENLY.

#717

⇓

WHAT KIND OF GUY WRITES LOVE SONGS?

#718

⇓

GUYS WHOSE MOTHERS MAKE THEM GO TO BALLET CLASS.

#719

⇓

GUYS WHOSE MOTHERS MAKE THEM GO TO BALLET CLASS.

#720

⇓

FAIR ENOUGH.

#721

⇓

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.

#722

⇓

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

#723

⇓

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

#724

⇓

OK, NOW THAT WE'RE BEING ALL OPEN AND HONEST...

#725

⇓

YEAH.

#726

⇓

I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANY MORE KIDS.

#727

⇓

I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANY MORE KIDS.

#728

⇓

I THINK YOU SHOULD GET THE VASECTOMY.

#729

⇓

FANTASTIC.

#730

⇓

FANTASTIC.

#731

⇓

I WARNED YOU!

#732

⇓

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

#733

⇓

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

#734

⇓

HE WOKE UP AND SAID SOMETHING SNARKY,

#735

⇓

SO I POPPED HIM AGAIN.

#736

⇓

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

#737

⇓

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

#738

⇓

BOO! AAAH!

#739

⇓

NAH.

#740

⇓

NAH.

#741

⇓

OH, YOU THINK SCARING PEOPLE'S FUNNY?

#742

⇓

WELL, GOOD, 'CAUSE YOU'RE DYING.

#743

⇓

WELL, GOOD, 'CAUSE YOU'RE DYING.

#744

⇓

JOHN DORIAN, YOU ARE A DOCTOR.

#745

⇓

WELL, HE STARTED IT.

#746

⇓

SORRY ABOUT YOUR FACE, MAN.

#747

⇓

SORRY ABOUT YOUR FACE, MAN.

#748

⇓

OH, PLEASE, I THREW THE FIRST PUNCH. IT WAS MY FAULT.

#749

⇓

RIGHT, THEN, I'M OFF.

#750

⇓

RIGHT, THEN, I'M OFF.

#751

⇓

SUPPOSED TO BE IN FLORENCE BY MIDNIGHT.

#752

⇓

HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT?

#753

⇓

HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT?

#754

⇓

HER APARTMENT'S 2 BLOCKS AWAY.

#755

⇓

SHOULD BE NO PROBLEM AT ALL.

#756

⇓

SHOULD BE NO PROBLEM AT ALL.

#757

⇓

HEY, WE'RE SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE INCARCERATION THING.

#758

⇓

NO WORRIES. LIFE'S TOO SHORT TO HOLD A GRUDGE.

#759

⇓

BUT STILL, YOU 2 BOYS MIGHT WANT TO ASK YOURSELVES

#760

⇓

BUT STILL, YOU 2 BOYS MIGHT WANT TO ASK YOURSELVES

#761

⇓

WHY YOU CONTACTED THE AUTHORITIES

#762

⇓

AND DIDN'T HAVE THE DECENCY TO COME AND TALK TO ME FIRST.

#763

⇓

AND DIDN'T HAVE THE DECENCY TO COME AND TALK TO ME FIRST.

#764

⇓

BUT I SHALL LET YOU TWO PARTNERS FIGURE THAT OUT.

#765

⇓

BY THE WAY, YOU'RE A GORGEOUS COUPLE.

#766

⇓

BY THE WAY, YOU'RE A GORGEOUS COUPLE.

#767

⇓

GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

#768

⇓

SEE YOU, LADS!

#769

⇓

SEE YOU, LADS!

#770

⇓

WHEN I WAS ALIVE, I WISH I HAD LIVED ONE DAY

#771

⇓

WHEN I WAS ALIVE, I WISH I HAD LIVED ONE DAY

#772

⇓

LIKE HE LIVES EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE.

#773

⇓

LIKE HE LIVES EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE.

#774

⇓

DEAD PEOPLE DON'T TALK, JERRY.

#775

⇓

J.D.: WE WEREN'T REALLY MAD AT JERRY.

#776

⇓

J.D.: WE WEREN'T REALLY MAD AT JERRY.

#777

⇓

WHAT WE REALIZED WAS THAT WE WERE JEALOUS OF BILLY

#778

⇓

BECAUSE HE WAS OUT LIVING LIFE

#779

⇓

AND TURK AND I WEREN'T.

#780

⇓

AND TURK AND I WEREN'T.

#781

⇓

I GUESS IT'S IMPORTANT NOT TO TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED.

#782

⇓

I GUESS IT'S IMPORTANT NOT TO TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED.

#783

⇓

WHETHER IT'S APPRECIATING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS...

#784

⇓

ALL RIGHTY, LET'S GO FOR THE HAT TRICK THERE, DOC.

#785

⇓

ALL RIGHTY, LET'S GO FOR THE HAT TRICK THERE, DOC.

#786

⇓

ARE YOU SURE?

#787

⇓

HEY, DOC, ZIP IT, GRIP IT, AND SNIP IT!

#788

⇓

HEY, DOC, ZIP IT, GRIP IT, AND SNIP IT!

#789

⇓

(BOTH LAUGHING)

#790

⇓

J.D.: OR RENEWING YOUR FRIENDSHIPS.

#791

⇓

J.D.: OR RENEWING YOUR FRIENDSHIPS.

#792

⇓

(SNORTS) I ALMOST PEED.

#793

⇓

(SNORTS) I ALMOST PEED.

#794

⇓

(COUGHING AND LAUGHING)

#795

⇓

FOR TURK AND I, IT WAS IMPORTANT TO JUST GET OUT

#796

⇓

AND START LIVING LIFE, PERIOD.

#797

⇓

BUDDY, IT IS ALMOST 1:00 IN THE MORNING,

#798

⇓

AND WE HAVE TO BE AT WORK AT 5:00.

#799

⇓

AND WE HAVE TO BE AT WORK AT 5:00.

#800

⇓

I KNOW, BUT HOW OFTEN DO WE DO THIS?

#801

⇓

I KNOW, BUT HOW OFTEN DO WE DO THIS?

#802

⇓

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. COME ON.

#803

⇓

DO YOU HAVE ANY 2S?

#804

⇓

DO YOU HAVE ANY 2S?

#805

⇓

AH, NO. GO FISH, PLEASE.

#806

⇓

DO YOU HAVE ANY KS?

#807

⇓

DO YOU HAVE ANY KS?

#808

⇓

UM...PLEASE GO FISH.

#809

⇓

UM...PLEASE GO FISH.

#810

⇓