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Smiling Friends

Season 3, Episode 9 โ€” Friend-Bot (Version 12589218731809213528796879521)

TMDB episode metadata
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I don't know what... I don't know why all the disco's over, what?
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Wow, cool.
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Hey, Charlie, how's it going?
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-Yo. Not too good, actually, man. -Oh, no? Why? What's wrong?
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Look, I don't want to get into the whole thing,
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but basically what happened was I bought some protein powder off the web,
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and, you know, at first it was great.
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It was awesome at first, but after a few weeks,
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I started to just kind of feel, like, bad.
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You know what I mean? And...
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Yeah, I went to urgent care this morning and it turns out I'm eating sand.
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-Sand? -Sand, yeah, like from the beach.
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So, it wasn't protein powder at all. I've been getting scammed the whole time.
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So, no, I'm not doing too good.
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That's awful, Charlie. I'm sorry you ate sand.
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Thanks, man. Yeah, look, I think I definitely learned my lesson.
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You know, I'm definitely not going to buy anything off--
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Hello.
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Hey, boys.
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Guess what?
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-What? -You just got a job.
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Okay, we'll get on that. Yeah, okay, sure.
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Yeah.
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Cool. I'll...
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I'll text you all the info.
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Sweet. Thanks.
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Come in.
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Stupid thing!
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Make my dinner faster! Get me a beer!
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Rub my back!
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Hello?
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Finally, it took you long enough.
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I'm sad because this robot I bought off the web won't go faster.
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It's lazy as fuck!
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Dude, it looks like it's going as fast as it can.
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Yeah, I agree. I don't know how we can help here.
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You can't even help me?
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Fuck you. I'm canceling the job then!
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Get out! Get the fuck out!
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All right, fine. Gladly. You suck, man. You suck.
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I said get out!
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Another beer! TV on! More dinner!
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TV off! Another beer!
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Faster! Faster! Faster!
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How terrible.
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Yeah, really sad. Hey, by the way, Pim, you wanna go bowling?
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Y'know, there's a new bowling place that just opened up,
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and it's, like, the theme is, like, weird bowling pins,
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and I thought that sounded funny.
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-What about the robot? -Oh, yeah, that thing.
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I am Friend-Bot Version 125892187318092135--
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We'll just call you Friend-Bot. I think it's gonna be easier.
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-What were you made to do, Friend-Bot? -I can do anything you need.
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I am implanted with a special golden chip
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that goes at one billion micronauts per second.
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Really? Okay, okay, okay.
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Let's try something. Make a picture of...
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Pim as...
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as a hot dog. Do that.
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Holy fuck, man! This is insane! How did you do that?
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Dude, Pim, Pim, we gotta take this thing back to the office, man.
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Yeah, sure. Would you like to come back with us, Friend-Bot?
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Whatever you want.
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One, zero, one, one, zero, zero, zero,
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one, zero, one, zero, one, zero, one, zero.
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Allan, Allan, check this out.
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-Hey, Friend-Bot. -Yes?
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Tell Allan the greatest robot joke ever.
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Two ones meet on the zero.
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One of them says zero, one of them says one, and zero,
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and one, and zero, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, zero, one, zero...
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-Did you even get that? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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-It's good. -Oh, yeah, he got it. He got it.
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I don't believe he got it. Can we find out?
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Explain the joke, Charlie.
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Yeah, it's... it's two zeros meet and they...
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No, it's two ones.
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Yeah, well, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
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Allan, you... But, yeah, you should try. You should do something with it, man.
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Have him do something.
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What would I need stupid jokes for?
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This thing can't do anything useful like my work.
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Printing out Allan's work.
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Wow, this is incredible.
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The robot did a year's worth of work in one seconds.
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Wow.
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What in the hell's going on in here?
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-We have a robot that can do anything. -Anything?
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I've got some ideas.
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Yeah, I kinda wanna make a picture of Allan as a hot dog.
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That's ridiculous. I would never be a hot dog.
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Besides, I want to use it to do my taxes now.
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Smiling Friends are using a robot
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They like to use a robot For many things they don't want to do
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Robot's a form of a crutch
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Smiling Friends are using robot
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Charlie, Allan, Pim, Allan, Pim, Charlie
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Friends, they connect to the--
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Wow, since that robot did all my work,
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I've completed 100 paintings in my free time.
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Yeah, and my stocks have been shooting through the roof thanks to the sex bot.
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What?
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Good morning, everybody. Do we have any jobs today?
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Actually, Friend-Bot already did all the jobs for today.
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And for tomorrow,
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and for the entire week, now that I think about it.
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-What? Why? -Pim, it's a good thing.
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Relax and chill out, man. We don't need to work anymore.
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I'll be right back.
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I just had the most amazing idea.
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It was Pim as a hot dog, plus Allan was also a hot dog,
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and... and had cinematic lighting and...
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I'm sad.
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Have you ever considered one, zero, one, zero, one, zero, one, zero,
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one, zero, one, zero, one, zero?
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Wow.
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No, I actually never thought about that before.
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I feel a lot better now. Thank you.
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-Excuse me, Mr. Friend-Bot? -Hello, Pim. What can I do for you?
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I don't need anything. It's just...
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Look, I appreciate you helping with my job,
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but I'd rather if you didn't actually do it for me,
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because I love my job.
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But I can do it quicker and more efficiently than you.
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Yeah, but I...
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Pim, what if I told you that I could make everyone in the world smil?
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What?
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You could really make everyone in the world smil-- I mean smile?
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Yes. Because I am constantly learning and improving myself,
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my capabilities grow every day.
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I am designed to do whatever you ask of me,
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and if that is what you want, I will do it.
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But then, I would never be able to make anyone smile again.
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But everyone else would be happy. Isn't that better?
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It is your choice.
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All you have to do is give me the command and it shall be done.
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Pim, relax and chill out, man. We don't need to work anymore.
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We don't need to work anymore.
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-Hello, Pim. -Hi, Friend-Bot.
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I've made my choice.
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Can you please make everyone in the world smile--
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Hey, what are you doing, Pim? It's my turn to use the robot.
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I need it to paint my paintings for me. I am sick of painting now.
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Allan, please wait.
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I need to use Friend-Bot for something important first.
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Hey! Both of you get away from that! It's my robot, dammit! Get the fuck out!
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Please, let me use it first,
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and then you guys can use it as much as you want after.
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I booked it for tonight on the calendar.
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It's mine! I'm the one who brought it back to the office!
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Guys, stop! We need to use the robot for good!
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Sex-bot! Give me the Sex-bot! Give me the Sex-bot! Give me the Sex-bot!
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Give me the Sex-bot!
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Give it to me. Give it--
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Look at us. This isn't who we are. The robot sent us all mad.
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Yeah, look, I wanted to see those pictures so badly,
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I got fat and went crazy.
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Yeah, guys, I'm sorry too.
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-Group hug? -Yeah, let's hug.
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That's nice. I love you guys.
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Sorry, I do just have one more idea for the robot.
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It was basically, what if Glep was a hot dog?
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Wait, how did you do all the robot stuff then?
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Fuck, man, I got scammed again, dude.
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Is there something wrong with my brain where I'm getting scammed this much?
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You guys can tell me if there is. I want to know that kind of thing.
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I don't understand.
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Why'd you go through all that effort to pretend to be a robot?
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Dude, if that's really why you did what you did,
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I just have to say that's probably the single worst way...
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the single worst way to make new friends.
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-Yeah, I think so. -Wait, I'm sorry, I'm just curious.
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Why do you think that? Did someone tell you that?
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Did you read that somewhere?
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Did you say Fakestuff.net?
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-I wouldn't trust that. -Yeah, that doesn't seem good.
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It just doesn't sound that credible to me.
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Well, I mean, it sounds like you got scammed yourself, man.
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I mean, yeah, you scammed us, but you also yourself got scammed.
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It's a vicious cycle.
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-Yeah, man, I think that's for the best. -Okay. Good luck to you.
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Safe travels.
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-All right, bye. See you. -Later.
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Goodbye.
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Mr. Boss, are you okay?
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Oh, yeah, I knew that was a guy in a costume the entire time.
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I don't care about that.
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I'm looking at those paintings. Allan, you really did those? Wow.
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-Can I buy one off you? -Yes, you may.
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F yeah, man. I'll hit you up about that later.
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Awesome.
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Oh, Charlie, you lost a lot of weight really fast.
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-That was fast. -Yeah, isn't it awesome?
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I got it chopped off and sent to starving children in need.
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Oh, Charlie, that was nice of you to do that.
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-That's so nice. -Yeah, I'm a good person, Pim.
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Like, a really good person. You didn't know that?
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You didn't know I did good stuff, like chop my fat off
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and send it overseas to starving children?
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I'm sorry, I thought you knew facts like that.
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I guess not. Okay, well.
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Goblin caught on tape.