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Malcolm in the Middle

Season 7, Episode 22 โ€” Graduation

TMDB episode metadata
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What'd I miss?
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There was this big flash, some fire shot out,
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and now he's just coming to.
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What?! I was only gone for a second!
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Shh! I want to see this.
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Oh, for God's sake, Hal!
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Pay the money and get a repairman.
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I am not wasting good money when I am perfectly capable...
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Uh, Mr. Kenarban, Stevie's supposed to help me work on my speech.
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You're going to be the oldest around here soon.
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It'll be good for your maturity.
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This is your show.
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Make us proud.
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I always pictured this day coming,
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except both of you were dead.
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What the heck, it still feels great.
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I am begging you. I just need $5,000.
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You think I would be calling you if I wasn't desperate?
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Look, I know how much you hate me.
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But, no kidding, I'm at rock bottom.
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I've got no money, no prospects
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and nowhere else to turn.
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Well... can I speak to a senior loan officer?
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So, 3:15 you make the last round of the bathrooms.
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Toilet 12 is a bit of a diva.
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Then you rinse your mop in hot water
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and disinfectant, and you hang it on a yellow peg.
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Any questions?
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Yeah. Why would you ever go home?
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This job is better than I could ever imagine.
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A cool uniform, the power to cordon off wet floors.
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You're not just some creepy loner
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hanging around the school, you're the janitor.
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Don't get too excited, kid.
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You'll be gone after 30 days.
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Oh, no, I am really committed to this.
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No, no, no, you don't understand.
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This is a union gig.
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Once you get past
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the 30-day probation, you're locked for life.
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Full benefits, medical, everything.
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So they never
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keep a new guy for more than a month.
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Hey, I'm sorry, kid.
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You really seem to be a natural at this.
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I've never seen anybody
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take to garbage the way you do.
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There's got to be some way.
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I mean... I mean, what if there was a mess--
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a mess that was so big and sticky and disgusting
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that it was impossible to clean up in less than 30 days?
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It's a beautiful thought, kid.
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But there's no such thing as a 30-day mess.
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Yeah?
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Well, they also said they'd never put a man on Mars.
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Sorry we're late.
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You wouldn't believe the fight we got in over shower curtains.
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Those dolphins were gay.
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You think all dolphins are gay.
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All dolphins are gay.
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Dolphins can kill sharks.
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Gay guys can kill sharks, and they're still gay.
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Can we begin?
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With this fire, a terrible secret that bound us together
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is gone forever.
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Jamie will grow up in a world
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without the fear that haunted every second of our lives.
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He'll learn to give birthday presents
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out of love, not blackmail,
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and to share out of the generosity of his heart,
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not the dread in the pit of his stomach.
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With this fire,
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a curse is lifted
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and a brilliant new dawn is born.
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Amen.
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Nice touch.
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You know, if you want me to take a look
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at your valedictory speech, I'd be happy to.
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Mom, stop it.
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I don't want anyone to see it until it's ready.
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Fine.
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But if you ever want some fresh ears...
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No, I'm really happy with it.
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Just let me do this.
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Okay, okay.
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But why are you quoting a rap group when there are people
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like Paul McCartney out there who are just as relevant
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and don't go around showing off the tops of their underpants?
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It's a start.
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Susan, I'm sorry.
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Mom just bullied me into giving her
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our last ticket for graduation.
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Because the last time I stood up to her
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someone dumped a pig's head down our chimney.
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Besides, she's already on her way.
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She's driving down with Francis and Piama.
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Lois, I really think he's going to do it this time! You've got to stop him!
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There you are.
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I drove by 80 miles of blunt objects
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just to get to you.
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I hope you run!
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You better make that first swing count, Princess.
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Hi, Mom.
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Finish your cigarette and I'll make you some lunch.
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Come on, you can help me make your beds.
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You had to make a speech first, didn't you?
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- Hal... - Right.
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Son, don't feel bad.
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In some parallel universe, you did it.
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Oh, no.
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They canceled my Pierson Grant.
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That was $3,000!
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They're using the money to do a study
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on what happens to kids who can't afford college.
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They're offering me $50 to be a part of it.
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Show it to me.
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It's beautiful, Grandma.
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I just cracked the lid a quarter inch
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and it burned off all the hair in my nose.
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- Good. Who takes the fall? - Huh?
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Your patsy... who is your patsy?
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It's a good thing you called me.
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If you're going to make this big mess,
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they're going to blame someone.
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And you can make it
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anyone you want.
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A teacher, a neighbor.
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If you're lucky, a whole family goes down.
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And you get
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to sell their dog.
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- You are amazing. - Well...
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If you ever brushed your teeth, I would kiss you.
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You want $8,000.
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Yes.
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All right, the way this works is
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you come back next week...
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That won't be necessary.
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I'm not going to pay you back.
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Hear me out.
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There's no way I can get the money to pay you, but
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instead of making you go through
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that whole, stupid charade where you keep calling me
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and I keep making lame excuses until you hunt me down,
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I am willing to go straight to the leg-breaking.
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Really?
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Yes. Whenever you say,
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I just show up and you start snapping bones.
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Arms, legs, whatever.
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Invite anyone you want.
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I promise, I will scream and cry and beg for mercy,
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and make it so loud and so horrible
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that no one who sees it
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will ever miss another payment again.
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Now, you can't buy that kind of publicity.
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Couldn't I just not give you the money
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and still break your arms and legs?
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Wouldn't that accomplish the same thing?
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True. But... then I think your point starts to get muddled.
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Maybe we should sleep on it.
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Will you straighten up those magazines?
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The Kenarbans will be here any minute
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and I don't want their fancy friend
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to think he's visiting a hobo camp.
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Yeah, Mom, let's all jump through hoops
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so the big corporate fat cat
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doesn't have to see anything real.
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You know, Francis, it wouldn't hurt you
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to jump through a hoop or two.
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Are you even still looking for a job?
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As a matter of fact...
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As a matter of fact, I don't have to.
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I got a lot of irons in the fire right now.
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I got three different ideas for children's books,
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and I'm considering applying for a bounty hunter's license.
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Are you insane?!
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In what world is that even remotel...?
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Piama, will you help me get the good china?
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out of the closet?
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I love finally having an excuse to use these.
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I took them out once when that congressman
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was going door to door, but he just
โ†“
80704129-450f-4eb3-93f4-145e891ef7c2.gif
clogged up our toilet and left.
โ†“
2369c8ce-eeed-4503-9b1c-60f387c5f609.gif
By the way, Mom, I think it's high time
โ†“
51aa69bc-7559-40ef-9626-2990619f28ee.gif
we cleared the air about that day
โ†“
0060216a-e10b-4782-9a78-6e4455fdf229.gif
you threw away my Harlem Globetrotters autographs.
โ†“
f1df1afb-770e-4d13-add5-c8b1bf9871bb.gif
Harlem who? What are you talking about?
โ†“
03c8b502-50bd-4b26-bfb8-5d290b3778aa.gif
I'm not saying there was definitely some unconscious
โ†“
bba67a4c-ceee-40c6-a532-9af00ffc90eb.gif
racism going on, but I do think someone could benefit
โ†“
396d52ef-3738-4a07-ba20-074f0c1a37a7.gif
from a little self-examination in a quiet moment.
โ†“
32fd7bd3-00b7-4c0b-b37b-2d5594ee96d3.gif
Dewey, can I see you in your room for a second?
โ†“
8fd6bee4-86bb-47cb-924f-08c66bf64f37.gif
Hi! How are you...
โ†“
995eca07-2225-4e6b-8a64-b9b2aa1ed192.gif
Okay, it's pretty obvious I just saved your ass. Now I want to know why.
โ†“
fdd4ae7c-4a50-44e1-865d-0df59fdb10d4.gif
So right when we walk in, I fake a seizure.
โ†“
b26fa5c6-1678-4629-8422-0f8fb0f22cf2.gif
When I fall, I make sure my skirt comes up over my hips.
โ†“
7c029f51-d415-4c3f-ac76-3092e9a6c9cc.gif
I'm going commando, so you'll have plenty of time
โ†“
75a7d116-fb9d-4549-ab3a-25d63d6fd703.gif
to sneak this out of the car.
โ†“
758b411d-df7d-4bf9-9a6a-404d2a23f535.gif
I love you, Grandma.
โ†“
286f5b9e-5d56-4350-8fe0-5198151754b6.gif
You're a good boy.
โ†“
38b92a96-8f62-48e5-9e4f-d2efc2eae3ca.gif
Are you kidding me? That whole cancer scare was fake?!
โ†“
99cc792d-b988-4613-98e7-a18cf3e33d68.gif
I played cards with her in the hospital for no reason?
โ†“
0a0dd97f-3ffc-4663-b90d-6f3f3518ce93.gif
Why didn't you just get rid of this?
โ†“
33fd2fa6-6c64-4892-81af-b1c2edb664f3.gif
I don't know.
โ†“
eeae6186-6643-4286-a5e4-5b46ac0b703b.gif
I couldn't. The thought of destroying it
โ†“
b70c4da6-3bd4-4fcb-8cf3-deb95840209d.gif
just made me... sad.
โ†“
70a4eafe-611d-488d-acaf-757e7a13e841.gif
I get it, Dewey.
โ†“
b98bfc47-4eab-438e-b222-4879c9ffef39.gif
You love your brothers.
โ†“
f8f6f1f2-e045-4165-87c6-c3b3ee6b7fc6.gif
You didn't have much to keep you together,
โ†“
c4d33e19-4ef8-4cdb-b630-0df77d60d20c.gif
but you had this.
โ†“
59484d75-125f-4f9d-a14c-481819ca0115.gif
And now I have this.
โ†“
a6712913-c1e5-4538-8352-40da0a66d184.gif
Something really horrible to blackmail you guys with
โ†“
d8fa61cf-64f6-41ab-9176-f0f311f60128.gif
that I'm totally clean on.
โ†“
e88a0e61-be31-4b4f-a203-52da37254c1c.gif
- Mom's friend Jenny. - We're good.
โ†“
dc62dd49-441a-4888-9013-599a3247ef4f.gif
So Mr. Hampton,
โ†“
89e128ce-309b-473f-8186-1762490d53a9.gif
you got all the subroutines, the GUI,
โ†“
d5458950-a90b-4f17-9135-794bee102d47.gif
all of that into 16K?
โ†“
9300fcf2-6209-49a4-99ae-054b1c77e7ab.gif
I can't get a Boolean sort in that.
โ†“
acf3bfe9-d0fa-4a3c-b880-de80c0163a60.gif
You youngsters are spoiled by all that cheap RAM.
โ†“
aa0d6434-97c3-47b4-b126-448031bb0aa9.gif
When I started out, I had an 8-bit bus
โ†“
02b935d4-77d2-4dff-b880-177daaa73b7f.gif
that ran at 4.7 megahertz, and I was happy to have it.
โ†“
16130adc-d74e-4c4c-a3cb-fda567d8041a.gif
This is fantastic.
โ†“
38994691-86b8-410b-a512-e57a5ed849f1.gif
I haven't understood a word you've said
โ†“
d2e08da5-7059-4ad5-aeeb-8b34a7eb581a.gif
for the last ten minutes.
โ†“
37892f32-bdd8-497c-b05d-a9d52922cc49.gif
Oh, you don't have to be that impressed.
โ†“
6d33b715-f132-4099-9373-828a904e55f2.gif
Sure, now he owns a GulfStream jet
โ†“
20b009d8-d93a-4a68-b784-460c4d7e6811.gif
and a baseball team, but there was a time
โ†“
fe3a842b-186f-4c70-85f2-4255d15c4950.gif
when this guy's name was Accident Pants.
โ†“
ecf2d49a-d93c-4e94-9bdc-cd974770c4ec.gif
Remember that? Remember that?
โ†“
8eaa4ff3-a541-4b12-9cf5-69a8994e2a0d.gif
I remember somebody begging me for a loan.
โ†“
efdaf91e-b007-4244-ac75-1927cee8e217.gif
Remember that? Remember that?
โ†“
93e0b833-992a-4261-9d42-258b5e6cc8d2.gif
Now, listen, I'm really not here to socialize.
โ†“
f05b4ea5-76e3-4fe3-b178-645d0934ec4e.gif
I've seen some of the programming
โ†“
7dd8450a-3695-4f1b-8808-ee4275686ab8.gif
you boys have done.
โ†“
8dc2a7c2-1994-403f-9892-c15b6623680e.gif
The server-to-server algorithm.
โ†“
031d83a4-3f1a-46e4-8ead-2e6296d7c91f.gif
The evolution simulator-- that's all good stuff.
โ†“
2de7fb5c-9798-460e-9f5b-0b59881066ed.gif
He thinks...
โ†“
34384ca5-8330-4325-ab11-907773e4f606.gif
we're geniuses.
โ†“
e25cdf74-8a32-4281-bdf2-b43a3da37054.gif
Well, good enough for a two-year contract, anyway.
โ†“
4bc5acae-fc6b-478b-a735-03e4b65329c7.gif
Full benefits, stock options.
โ†“
bb94614b-ceeb-4305-a9b2-98ee03ad96ab.gif
We're talking six figures-- each.
โ†“
d46402f8-72f0-4ea8-8d75-66cfa362af5c.gif
Oh, my God!
โ†“
db474eea-2044-4a5b-bb11-fac1748fa680.gif
Wait, how many is six?
โ†“
3d264fa6-f489-4e58-89c6-28935704d0f8.gif
I'm not being charitable. I'm locking you in
โ†“
129f4ba8-b57b-4318-8485-c1e1c04367cc.gif
while you're still cheap, but I need an answer right now.
โ†“
5b7a39fa-6f18-4562-8f3d-37712d2364a7.gif
Otherwise it's not worth it to me.
โ†“
d88c8e15-c4c1-4815-bee0-356da58e877e.gif
- Well, I... - That's a very generous offer,
โ†“
78d95c33-f353-4a93-b5fa-8fdd836054b7.gif
- Mr. Hampton, but no. - Mom, what are you...?
โ†“
7799a967-758f-4be2-ab6b-6a5ef885ebac.gif
Malcolm's going to college, he's going to finish his education.
โ†“
ac31694a-6b95-41ec-a5bd-5c3ffcc49b3c.gif
- But thank you very much. - He wasn't asking you, he was...
โ†“
99d8e1f8-8e07-464b-9685-3c0ee18d42fa.gif
Ma'am, I completely understand. I should have talked to you first.
โ†“
336ca1b5-2760-491c-934d-6667aed0700e.gif
Consider the offer withdrawn.
โ†“
6aff98b8-b6e5-4a24-a012-ffcf0541ba03.gif
Sorry, kid. 24/7 job.
โ†“
abf97bd9-7e3a-430c-98e3-b56037fb5e03.gif
You'd need your whole family behind you.
โ†“
f5564043-619e-4ff4-a8cf-89e5db6e84d8.gif
And don't be mad at your mom.
โ†“
ee35e88b-7a9a-4083-89b2-e48933c52c64.gif
She's only trying to look out for you.
โ†“
a92b133f-9116-49e6-b0f5-b275c83631e3.gif
Who knows how far I would've gone if I went to college?
โ†“
213f1112-a26f-4447-9a7e-46dd3bb4a35a.gif
What's that noise?
โ†“
b24826ff-3c0c-4e88-8394-6cdddbef5e2a.gif
Nothing, Dad. Just a little hungry.
โ†“
2d7b8e0c-d271-4219-9f16-d3e7b32c4c5e.gif
All right, Malcolm, I know you're angry.
โ†“
63255eb9-710d-4d8d-abd2-eda34ef33578.gif
You might as well say what you have to now
โ†“
ad91dedf-50c6-4deb-9278-ec5a1fc401d7.gif
and get it out of your system.
โ†“
76211d6a-d8fd-40a5-a07b-41ae62515d79.gif
I'm so sorry, Jamie.
โ†“
6d725d77-f7e1-4728-ac7f-719717239f64.gif
I didn't know I had you hanging upside down
โ†“
be269e37-b94c-4e64-8f48-53e69aa94da6.gif
until that last layer of gunk came off.
โ†“
8ff0205c-a18b-4153-b0bd-b1cccbb034d3.gif
Well, we might as well go ahead and have kids.
โ†“
b6adb126-2ace-46d4-b976-581fda342ed7.gif
I'm not afraid of changing diapers anymore.
โ†“
f40438b6-1c1f-43d0-9134-3a964a064bca.gif
Good job, Reese.
โ†“
e4e4d821-241e-4606-af88-095faa96e89f.gif
Hey, I am the victim here!
โ†“
e681f4dd-6a0f-4e13-893a-0454cf93aa7c.gif
Those are my hopes and dreams
โ†“
64e73783-85ad-402e-949b-19195b8072c6.gif
you're scrubbing out of your cracks!
โ†“
018c73e1-f4d0-45e7-906b-c71f419e6ef7.gif
Anybody else hungry?
โ†“
6ae7c75a-a496-420a-bff7-c63ff144b996.gif
You know what?
โ†“
b5b75fa6-1b03-4a4c-b071-33567cf06e74.gif
I'm glad!
โ†“
08d02f4f-ec42-41cd-8f43-c6beaf700d4d.gif
This is appropriate.
โ†“
1d4d4ad6-fd0e-48be-bec0-3b7f48210f95.gif
Now my life looks exactly how I feel.
โ†“
bb1d56bb-623b-46a9-a9eb-1e71be332f9e.gif
How could you screw me over like that?
โ†“
43ce42a1-67c5-425c-ac99-650c3f03bd25.gif
Because you were going to take that job,
โ†“
2b7e3072-2bd7-4899-a485-c8388bd631e3.gif
and we are not going to let you throw your life away.
โ†“
00b942ca-c775-4fe6-b33b-1e69a8b1911a.gif
How is being rich throwing my life away?!
โ†“
907ac34c-af52-4183-9329-f6b6fab1c545.gif
Because it's not the life you're supposed to have!
โ†“
1791dfe3-2e02-4f75-8d93-ecbaabf36867.gif
The life you're supposed to have is you go to Harvard
โ†“
c26330ed-8211-4b02-82db-75a9a28f7ca2.gif
and you earn every fellowship and internship they have.
โ†“
b862c5b6-b1af-4995-a91f-be2ae262c2f6.gif
You graduate first in your class,
โ†“
710d23b5-746b-4be6-9511-ff2f21132ffc.gif
and you start working in public service--
โ†“
3240fdcf-b52f-4815-a4ae-b4e1ee73e0a9.gif
either district attorney or running some foundation--
โ†“
44d9f36e-4c4b-4b0e-ad5f-20cb7d709456.gif
and then you become governor of a mid-sized state
โ†“
dfa24c57-4a45-4d6e-b3ca-36edf6d0c8ef.gif
and then you become president.
โ†“
1fa4caca-836f-4f27-8247-9967972b37ad.gif
What?!
โ†“
e3d591d4-0633-4b6f-b70d-d5d5b4a0c230.gif
Of the United States.
โ†“
1def816f-68a4-490f-b0f4-44036820ca88.gif
Dad?
โ†“
7874c480-deb1-4d7a-ad1d-77c74b7c5e35.gif
I'm sorry, son. It's true.
โ†“
4e7ff5a0-3482-4963-ba2c-5b5aae9ae5c3.gif
I thought you knew.
โ†“
e7a4ee0b-f5bf-41c1-82a6-b769f86a0ba9.gif
Our expectations started out
โ†“
ad45fac3-5aab-4dc0-83ef-cbd20523380b.gif
much smaller, but you just kept upping the ante.
โ†“
1ff92f2a-818f-411a-91e1-200d0a5e043b.gif
What if I don't
โ†“
85699c5d-63fb-4f17-9b56-ba1acf9679d9.gif
- want to be president? - It's too late
โ†“
ed0fb0dc-b007-482c-a893-bc13d5385af6.gif
for that. You're gonna do it.
โ†“
a82d736f-e571-4d08-af47-766172ed16fc.gif
Oh, really?
โ†“
c5f49d97-6b0b-4a5a-8daf-d0c54f8c348e.gif
Have you decided my position on capital-gains tax cuts?
โ†“
ad9b12a1-c6ab-4166-a19b-f706cd75c561.gif
What are my foreign policy objectives?!
โ†“
c357b3d4-6636-4051-bcd2-acc47cd25510.gif
That doesn't matter.
โ†“
ac098366-49f1-4064-b187-6d42ac06c24a.gif
What does matter is you'll be
โ†“
f81ed4c0-9a1b-44ad-9080-b969b0edb9b3.gif
the only person in that position
โ†“
0b392128-0a6f-42d9-9681-bebbf55b28e9.gif
who will ever give a crap about people like us.
โ†“
00294126-26a3-4565-a216-ce14af801c7f.gif
We've been getting the short end of the stick
โ†“
567aa073-c5f7-461d-8f91-267fb406b63c.gif
for thousands of years, and I, for one, am sick of it.
โ†“
dd5bd885-721c-4c35-a3d7-8a9e405cdb79.gif
Now, you are going to be president, mister,
โ†“
54445527-4b80-47ba-883a-1ef76c8728d9.gif
and that's the end of it.
โ†“
bab95be9-6dac-43c4-a9fb-abc9fabc22a1.gif
Did it ever occur to you
โ†“
6df89fc3-9ac9-4719-84aa-23032e46a4af.gif
that I could have taken this job, gotten really rich
โ†“
4efd4bfe-092d-4573-adb6-a846b56e5c44.gif
and then bought my way into being president?
โ†“
d980654c-657c-4e50-97e7-158100825cf4.gif
Of course it did. We decided against it.
โ†“
52b90236-92dd-4ba2-891d-641bd4bc04f1.gif
- What?! - Because then you wouldn't be
โ†“
220bca80-8557-428d-9003-34678c69036e.gif
a good president.
โ†“
41c73b01-c3c1-4bbb-950a-5ecfd71ef9d9.gif
You wouldn't have suffered enough.
โ†“
4b2c038d-80ab-4b5a-992c-abb5fbe2a0c6.gif
I have been suffering all my life.
โ†“
749ac2c4-30cd-448f-b03d-9b0277ead698.gif
I'm sorry. It's not enough.
โ†“
981c9e38-2c6b-4c89-958a-20c0eb676eee.gif
You know what it's like
โ†“
1a7d8d21-db82-4aab-9383-362a040fb712.gif
to be poor, and you know
โ†“
6daf3402-21c5-4118-96a0-ac1ec5a1c387.gif
what it's like to work hard.
โ†“
76e7474e-8c99-4770-9678-b8aec4572f0c.gif
Now you're going to learn what it's like
โ†“
9a4cf07e-de4f-4c27-a03e-dad78947ab92.gif
to sweep floors and bust your ass
โ†“
a9fe22a8-109d-48eb-a4a8-5d8fa3ce418b.gif
and accomplish twice as much as all the kids around you.
โ†“
1b5998fc-9d9f-44d2-a754-d4bac0528688.gif
And it won't mean anything
โ†“
3de906d8-d4ad-497d-9de5-9b93c8dfb9a3.gif
because they will still look down on you.
โ†“
bed65d69-2739-4692-93ec-9262ceb17bd3.gif
And you will want so much for them to like you,
โ†“
720f7afc-4ffb-468f-9a36-976be0638f08.gif
and they just won't.
โ†“
76baf76d-2bf3-4278-83e4-615ee5af1e97.gif
And it'll break your heart,
โ†“
cdbf6acf-c23f-4fc7-b244-37094062bb51.gif
and that'll make your heart bigger and open your eyes
โ†“
c226ae63-ef96-4e8e-a14d-684ce0cded5b.gif
and finally you will realize
โ†“
337d48ea-0b93-4c1a-a952-ecb27913b076.gif
that there's more to life than proving
โ†“
c65be958-9275-4684-ad84-9f17a40233be.gif
you're the smartest person in the world.
โ†“
9b3740ae-197e-4afb-b958-f6aa7c2b6d72.gif
I'm sorry, Malcolm, but you don't get the easy path.
โ†“
d1df1964-0072-4a10-8f74-c7f842c13ac3.gif
You don't get to just have fun
fun
โ†“
a91bb304-4fbd-44ef-ba00-46017f9311b3.gif
and be rich and live the life of luxury.
โ†“
8289d7e4-70fe-4431-9e5d-f83c6ff94b57.gif
That's Dewey.
โ†“
ee1c5e9e-c75f-4fd4-acea-4f8d2b375860.gif
Really?
โ†“
c496ddc4-1908-4ac4-8539-c3b274fa417f.gif
This is unbelievable.
โ†“
c7f2b8cb-3d58-4d1f-92c2-f6b504ac5bfb.gif
You actually expect me to be president.
โ†“
c65bccd5-1365-47e6-a114-723864a7ddbc.gif
No, no, I'm sorry.
โ†“
dace71be-22d3-46e1-ac3f-59e07d6fd231.gif
You expect me to be one of the greatest presidents
โ†“
112d476a-2d58-48de-98b4-719c5875fc0b.gif
in the history of the United States.
โ†“
2393b96a-4a2e-4c1e-8a82-57e43ff429e5.gif
You look me in the eye and you tell me you can't do it.
โ†“
b6277bbb-05a1-48cf-97a7-7f9fe33e8579.gif
And as the Dalai Lama so eloquently stated last summer
โ†“
52512c2c-615f-46ae-9dbb-fb5052825581.gif
on my yacht, "Wisdom is the light by day,
โ†“
135d1031-07ac-428d-a381-b6b93ca8b150.gif
virtue is the protection by night."
โ†“
15fbbe35-8767-4164-b402-5aed18b1cfe1.gif
And as we go down the path of life,
โ†“
b447caf8-c9f1-4ea5-ba0b-d318537ef255.gif
there's often confusion and fear because we fail to remember
โ†“
ff60da67-1662-44f1-a1a8-c297eff75721.gif
that we have this wisdom within us.
โ†“
91d288ca-867f-441f-a13f-733fbc5fc3cb.gif
It's there to call on to get us through
โ†“
69aeee01-63ef-4092-b64e-6d85e3d62dbb.gif
the dark night of the soul, to help us achieve...
โ†“
bb4607c8-2149-4806-bbff-2714dc453524.gif
AmeriSys Industries? What's that?
โ†“
afc86ee0-c7ce-473e-933f-2cd6f7328d77.gif
Shh!
โ†“
98ca825b-7d37-45da-98fb-267482f605e8.gif
It's my employee badge.
โ†“
5a332659-2ce7-4eec-a512-4a5ae4e0fdea.gif
Please don't tell Mom. It'd make her too happy.
โ†“
7c96ee25-629f-4658-9fed-7419ea061055.gif
She'd never let me live it down.
โ†“
d973ece9-df6c-43e6-8403-de1ca95e339c.gif
You got a job?
โ†“
9cb992ab-65b9-4a61-8dd0-78c6a1315ea8.gif
For the last two months.
โ†“
c6f6891c-6525-4402-8acb-4e274e510624.gif
It's at this giant corporation.
โ†“
465d6e54-8284-421f-94cb-8349ff40702f.gif
I'm in this tiny little cubicle,
โ†“
1501513c-be7e-42a4-aae6-b7ed78b3b922.gif
surrounded by hundreds of other tiny little cubicles,
โ†“
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inputting numbers into a computer all day.
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And I love it.
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I love everything about it.
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I love the stability and the regular paychecks.
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I love my parking space.
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I love getting those stupid joke e-mails.
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Oh, did you get the one about the two Irish guys?
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That's classic!
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And now, with his valedictory speech,
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please welcome Malcolm...
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Like all of you,
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I'm praying for this speech to be over soon.
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Most of us have been dreaming of this day for years,
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the day we leave childhood and achieve independence.
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But even if we move thousands of miles away,
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there's no escape.
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Our families are coming with us.
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They'll be with us forever--
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in our habits, our gestures,
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and in the choices we make, so we'll never be set free.
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But we'll never be alone.
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As Paul McCartney once said...
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Oh, my God!
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What kind of a monster would do something like this?
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Oh, Hal, for God's sake, don't touch it!
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Man, if Mom ever found out
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it was the two of us...
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Hey.
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The five-settings heating pad!
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You listen to me. You really do!
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Someone's cake is ready.
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Mom, you can yell and scream all you want.
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It's not going to change me!
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I will look for a job when I am damn good and ready!
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You just can't stand that your son
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is still a free spirit!
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Chicken casserole for dinner?
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Mmm. Home at 5:00.
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This is so nice.
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Reese is gone.
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Malcolm's off to Harvard.
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I don't know how you did it, but everything
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worked out exactly as planned.
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What's wrong?
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And when they found the peepholes in the bathroom
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they fired Al and brought me on full time.
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Grandma's right: it's good to have a patsy.
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So how's it going with you, Mr. Ivy League Big Shot?
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It's great. It's a whole new world.
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Listen, I've got to get to my Calc class.
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I'll talk to you later.
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โ™ช I've seen better days โ™ช
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โ™ช I've been the star of many plays โ™ช
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โ™ช I've seen better days... โ™ช