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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S03E22 — Monkey

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 3, Episode 22 — Monkey

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Monkey
Air date: May 12, 2002
Director: Ken Kwapis
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
New monkey business occupies Reese, now a self-appointed law enforcer; a capuchin monkey has it in for Lois's co-worker, Craig.
Source: TMDB
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To break free of the Earth's atmosphere,
atmospherebreakearthsfree
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a rocket ship must attain speeds of upwards of 25,000 miles per hour.
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Bull. If they went that fast,
bullfast
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they would just be squashed in the back of their seats.
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They wouldn't float around.
float
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You're confusing acceleration with velocity.
confusingvelocity
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You feel it at first, but once you're up to speed, you don't notice.
noticespeed
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I mean, right now we're on a planet spinning at a thousand miles per hour.
hourmilesplanetspinningthousand
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That's just rotational velocity.
velocity
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We're also travelling around the sun at almost 67,000 miles per hour.
hourmilestravelling
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And then the whole solar system is hurtling through the galaxy
galaxysolarsolar-systemsystemwhole
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which is hurtling away from other galaxies because the universe is expanding.
expandinguniverse
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Wheee!
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♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
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♪ I don't know ♪
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♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
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♪ Life is unfair ♪
lifeunfair
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Did you hear that?
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What was that?
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- Oh, my God! - Hal!
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I'll get him, Lois.
lois
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Got him!
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Now, let go of my arm.
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And, uh, where were you, sir?
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You see, my wife insists on tucking in the corners.
cornerswife
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I mean, really tucking them in.
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I saw his head in the moonlight.
headmoonlight
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It looked like a big fat pitch sitting over the plate.
lookedpitchplatesitting
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- Thanks. - You look familiar.
familiarthanks
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Did you ever participate in our ride-along program?
alongparticipateprogramride
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Sort of.
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It's like being in a straitjacket. You twist and you twist,
twist
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and you just can't shake the damn sheets loose.
looseshakesheets
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Well, the most important thing is we caught the guy.
caught
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Why don't I show you? Follow me to the bedroom and I'll tuck you in.
bedroomfollowtuck
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Sir, you don't tuck in police officers.
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Picked up the burgers
burgerspicked
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from Nugget World.
nuggetworld
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- Did you get the extra mayo? - Yes.
extramayo
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From which place?
place
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When are you getting a nurse?
nurse
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when your kid's dog chased me out in traffic.
chasedkidstraffic
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All the forehead sticks I used learning to go to the bathroom.
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Craig, the insurance company gave you money for a nurse.
companycraiginsuranceinsurance-companymoneynurse
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Oliver!
oliver
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Oh, my God. Is that a monkey?
monkey
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It's a helper monkey. They're highly trained,
helperhighlymonkeytrained
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and they donate them to the permanently disabled.
disableddonatepermanently
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You're not permanently disabled.
disabledpermanently
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For the next six weeks, he thinks I am.
thinksweeks
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Craig, I am not taking care of you and a wild animal.
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Lois, it's not a wild animal.
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It's a capuchin monkey.
monkey
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They're nature's butlers.
butlersnatures
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I got a good one, too.
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His brother worked for Stephen Hawking.
brotherhawkingstephenworked
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My God, when was the last time this thing was cleaned?
cleaned
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This is the worst job in the world.
worldworst
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Why do we put up with this?
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I don't know about you, but I'm still paying off law school.
payingschool
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Okay, everybody, clear out. You're all fired.
cleareverybodyfired
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- What? - The camp's closing.
campsclosing
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- They cut down the last tree today. - Anyone want take a picture with it?
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A mining company bought the land.
boughtcompanylandmining
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You gotta be out of here today.
today
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We're just out like that without notice?
notice
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This is the circle of life up here.
circlelife
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First they cut down the trees, then the mining company strips the land.
companylandminingtrees
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Then with any luck, they'll turn whatever's left
leftluckwhatevers
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into a nuclear waste dump.
dumpnuclearwaste
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The only way we're gonna wean ourselves
wean
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from our unhealthy dependence on foreign oil.
dependenceforeignunhealthy
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Well, I guess I'm gonna have to move back in with my parents.
parents
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And then after the awards ceremony they gave me a tour at the police station.
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Did you know the mirrors in the interrogation room are two-way?
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Good thing they didn't have that before.
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"For heroism and meritorious action." Reese, I'm so proud of you.
actionheroismproudreese
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Okay, Dewey, are you finally gonna be able to go to sleep now?
abledeweyfinallysleep
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You saw all the policemen and how strong the bars are.
barsstrong
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- Yeah, but-- - And you saw that the station
station
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is much too big for a helicopter
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to carry it to a secret hideout under the sea.
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- But-- - No buts, Dewey.
butsdewey
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That guy is in a jail cell. He's not going anywhere.
celljail
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I wouldn't bet on it. With our legal system,
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he's probably back on the streets right now.
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Dewey.
dewey
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Mom, Dad, this whole has got me thinking.
thinkingwhole
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I mean, usually those cops are throwing me in the back of their squad cars.
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But today they were clapping for me.
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Well, you're a real hero.
herorealreal-hero
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And it was really cool, you know.
cool
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- Protecting you guys. Saving your lives. - Thanks again.
livesprotectingsavingthanks
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And it's made me realize...
realize
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for the first time in my life, I know what my purpose is.
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I think I've found my calling.
callingfound
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Mom, Dad, I wanna be a pig.
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Go to sleep.
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I'm still scared.
scared
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Read me a story.
readstory
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Please?
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I've already read you every book in this place.
bookplaceread
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Please?
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"Aardvark, a burrowing mammal of Southern Africa."
aardvarkafricamammalsouthern
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"Myocardium, the muscle tissue of the heart."
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It's all right. It's all right. It was just me turning off the light.
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Where are you?
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I knew you'd be back. Come on, you son of a--
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Sorry.
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Go back to sleep.
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"Kaningo."
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And it turns out it was all a simple misunderstanding.
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It's Larry who should've gotten the spin-off show, not the Ropers.
gottenlarryshouldveshouldve-gottenspin
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Huh, Oliver?
oliver
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Oh, Lois, you're not drinking your tea.
drinkinglois
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Oliver, Lois takes sugar in her tea. One lump.
loislumpoliversugartakes
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I usually like to thank him when he does something right.
usually
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Um, thank you, Oliver.
oliver
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Isn't he amazing?
amazing
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He makes the bed, he does dishes, even changes his own diaper.
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Oliver. Temple massage.
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This is about as good as it gets.
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Lois, you want some of this?
lois
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I have to go.
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Ah. He's like a frail geisha.
frail
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Hey, what's going on here?
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- We're just playing. - It's getting a little loud.
loudplaying
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This is a nice neighborhood.
neighborhood
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Let's keep it that way.
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Stay in school.
school
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Hey, you kids.
kids
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Where are your helmets? That's not safe.
helmetssafe
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Who the hell are you?
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Ouch!
ouch
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Ow.
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See? You should be more careful.
careful
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Play safe. Be smart.
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Did you get the job?
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No. It was a stupid idea anyway, auditioning for a cruise ship.
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What kind of piano player doesn't know the music to Cabaret?
musicpianoplayer
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Honey, this is useless. We have to go someplace where there's work.
honeysomeplaceuseless
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We're not leaving our home.
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Something will come up.
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- We're not here. - What?
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Piama, we know you're in there.
piama
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What's the problem?
problem
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I'm sorry, we served your eviction notice 30 days ago.
daysnoticeserved
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You have to leave.
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What are you talking about? Why didn't you tell me?
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Because it's not happening.
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Hey, the tribal council made a deal with the mining company.
companycouncildealminingtribal
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- You're getting a settlement. - Part of a settlement.
partsettlement
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Only one-fifteenth of your property is on tribal land.
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Forget it. We'll just live in the other part of the house.
forgethouselivepart
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You can't do that. This area's been designated
areas
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as an arsenic-containment basin.
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Nobody's stealing my property.
nobodyspropertystealing
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Let's just all cool down.
cool
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Uh, you may actually not wanna touch her.
touch
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Don't tell me how to do my job.
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What time is it?
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Ah! Damn. It's too dark to see my Rolex.
dark
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No matter, I'll just take out the maximum amount
amountmattermaximum
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and everything will be fine.
↓
6d5f5060-0202-4471-a90e-560a2fd0ea02.gif
Yeah, that ought to do it.
ought
↓
0e62d149-785d-42db-9e22-ae5ae8d45cce.gif
Now, where did I park my Bentley?
bentleypark
↓
312473a5-1a06-45d3-937a-a04a4ff00d8b.gif
- Damn, my inability to see in the dark. - Hey.
darkinability
↓
68edeb90-fd13-463f-9a8f-509c0555a1bf.gif
Can I help you with something?
↓
98dd8039-cbe3-4aa0-a7f3-327e272b11c7.gif
Your money's hanging out of your pocket You might wanna tuck it back in.
hangingmightmoneyspockettuck
↓
f3a97741-72a8-48fa-bdd5-9dbb58d7f788.gif
This is a bad neighborhood.
neighborhood
↓
c2ed6759-929d-4b20-b214-43aaaee05398.gif
Thank you.
↓
9807b73a-13b2-4917-903d-abd08517afb6.gif
Ooh, that lasagna smells good.
lasagnasmells
↓
c5c4c087-056f-4ef9-b36e-bb6b0171ba46.gif
It took you long enough.
↓
c21c950d-afc2-46f4-9f7a-a0222f38c858.gif
Did you have to fly to Italy to get it?
italy
↓
86fbfc29-0a9d-4af4-9fd1-162da7abf567.gif
Never mind. Let's, uh, dig in.
mind
↓
196ce4c0-aad0-4dad-a9c1-014ebc947233.gif
Ow! Hot. Hot. Hot.
↓
a5b1546b-4ebe-4836-ae6d-1fcda0119d21.gif
Let's just let it cool down a little bit. Ow!
cool
↓
e7f651c1-5933-46dd-90ac-41db1b657c47.gif
What is this?
↓
95fbca5b-1019-49fd-8273-03ffd46c917f.gif
Oh! Hot! Tongue, blistering. Please, God, no. Water.
tonguewater
↓
361f7cb7-9abb-496d-89a7-9ef2aeef3f72.gif
Water. Good monkey.
monkeywater
↓
df136b53-ef8b-4e26-b4a9-dfdb5433a701.gif
Closer. Closer.
closer
↓
c06aa26e-e074-4a84-9395-3957bedaa586.gif
Hot. Hot.
↓
d1e14dd7-351f-451a-95d3-f6a18aa9146b.gif
Hot, hot, hot.
↓
f813daed-a516-4dfd-9eec-278b8e31bd20.gif
- You're out. - I was safe.
safe
↓
f1b8c253-3864-4e1a-b12d-2ab53cbcfc97.gif
- Out. - Safe.
safe
↓
8a5eff3b-58cf-4a6c-bd26-623ede5c9d99.gif
Looks like someone smashed up your trash cans.
canssmashedtrashtrash-cans
↓
385669c9-8926-4876-bbe7-0cf7596cd375.gif
Maybe if you brought them in on time, this kind of thing wouldn't happen.
broughthappen
↓
8d37b2f2-98d9-46a1-a035-aafa97acae72.gif
Oliver.
oliver
↓
d541df37-fe64-4737-93b0-8712a7982b38.gif
Is my milkshake ready?
milkshakeready
↓
f954500b-d585-4d9f-b7dd-433c04e91bb2.gif
It was supposed to be ready an hour ago.
hourreadysupposed
↓
0c2cd790-5042-41df-b23d-34d5234a9362.gif
If it's warm,
warm
↓
8b52e736-c78a-459c-9b3b-4da15952c312.gif
you can go ahead drink it, because I won't.
aheaddrinkgo-ahead
↓
a8a6a17d-9ca3-4480-b544-db3ed109d57c.gif
All right, I will.
↓
72604433-fac6-4c7d-801d-87c7e6757a3e.gif
Where is it?
↓
a5362920-d0cd-4b30-84d3-f790dabca52c.gif
Oliver?
oliver
↓
e208180f-6ff3-4782-9de3-e09cb4a0e633.gif
You know what? I've changed my mind.
changedmind
↓
0d11fabd-2073-43db-9ed7-da6ba038db44.gif
I'm not in the mood for a milkshake anymore.
anymoremilkshakemood
↓
a7c0a6c9-ee85-4c47-b7e3-fe9aae2620fe.gif
Well, since you did go to all that trouble.
trouble
↓
ba718628-a8ba-4829-aefa-877dabec5b48.gif
Mm. Good.
↓
b9a89843-3f1d-40e4-9f50-cb82a96bf441.gif
Well, I've been awake for a week straight.
awakestraightweek
↓
e573468b-ee79-4048-a9d4-de0f43be6fe2.gif
The first 96 hours were tough,
hourstough
↓
532e644f-a943-4454-8d95-fe0c2c6674d7.gif
but I really think I'm starting to get my second wind.
secondsecond-windstartingwind
↓
59a9095f-60a9-410a-8088-381dceb1231d.gif
Who needs sleep anyway? It's just a waste of time.
needssleepwaste
↓
6dbeb0ee-fc97-4636-a55a-29b7dec89e57.gif
They say that Thomas Edison, he only got, like...
thomas
↓
ddb79201-48d3-4455-a762-cdc0609b749e.gif
Well, he didn't...
↓
06c91b9c-886e-4d33-8c44-dd74d9b1a5d6.gif
What was I talking about?
↓
056fd448-8be7-465d-99b5-8e9b2335571b.gif
Never mind.
mind
↓
821f0b34-bb91-4653-82cd-6d920508e59f.gif
Craig, I can't stay long. I got your mail.
craigmail
↓
cefcd656-23c6-415c-b075-fdf68169ca8a.gif
Jeez, it's boiling in here.
boilingjeez
↓
338edf93-079c-4e20-8abe-cdaf75e2e463.gif
Really? I hadn't noticed anything.
noticed
↓
0fe0f87b-ede4-42e5-8a43-553f34542320.gif
I'm just having a pleasant afternoon at home here with Oliver.
afternoonhavinghomeoliverpleasant
↓
174e4dd6-3750-4e50-972e-5cc10eddb2ef.gif
Lois, that monkey is out to get me.
loismonkey
↓
c4a8ff18-ed11-4dea-b18e-3f25ef8f80d3.gif
- What? - He tried to poison me.
poisontried
↓
2229f109-90bf-41da-9fc3-15f4c276b0f9.gif
And now he's trying to cook me alive. He is an evil little monkey.
alivecookevilmonkey
↓
9cddde8b-cf9a-406d-897e-08c2b8b7d38b.gif
Craig, you're asking an animal
animalaskingcraig
↓
29d43133-d476-4736-86bb-04898bac1bbd.gif
with a brain the size of a piece of gum to run your house.
brainhousepiecesize
↓
77cfc1dc-7b9e-442b-863c-b3f7eb4dfa51.gif
Stop being paranoid.
paranoid
↓
d027f412-22f1-49f7-8fb7-fcead57feacc.gif
I am not being paranoid.
paranoid
↓
70f8b505-91fd-4704-8c0f-cb8ec00126f0.gif
I've seen him staring at me when I'm pretending to be asleep.
asleeppretendingseenstaring
↓
a56d9737-35d7-4c4f-9258-96841009a132.gif
He's been chewing on my brake cables.
brakecableschewing
↓
f6ecf18f-ac7a-4457-ac14-c252471c2fe9.gif
You have got to get me out of here.
↓
9630e688-af08-494d-a7ff-38da339791e6.gif
You are not staying with me.
staying
↓
d5efe7d4-eff2-4ed3-adb8-f11e8924f371.gif
Craig, that monkey is not--
craigmonkey
↓
efaa504b-7598-42de-99f4-71879ad86fa7.gif
Lois, you tell such amusing stories.
amusingloisstories
↓
c5645959-c8ce-4f84-a594-89622f0b9281.gif
Shh!
↓
6cd44e0e-2b22-49b6-9a8f-d43af6f15be7.gif
You are getting a real nurse tomorrow.
nurserealtomorrow
↓
90d1eea4-6259-4d05-8d30-c26dd7390d87.gif
What are you doing? I was waiting for that spot.
spotwaiting
↓
672d87ff-1aee-42fd-865f-35fe3ca27b0f.gif
Oh, you got a problem with me, pal?
problem
↓
36d18323-df7e-4ba5-9dd1-56d00fb6a2d4.gif
Ho, ho! Bring it on!
bring
↓
4d7b3f98-5645-4ad1-99c6-8fd2d2a0b02d.gif
What, you want it? You got it.
↓
d1b063f9-1bc0-4528-ad84-4acb6b3aba5c.gif
I'll kick your ass!
kick
↓
d09eccda-ef3c-480b-8550-f011cfb224c0.gif
You think I'm afraid of you?
afraid
↓
2abe72bb-59b3-47fd-9514-bd9ee1237c2b.gif
I am not afraid!
afraid
↓
d863e6ca-4010-4d3f-bc74-981ca91adcde.gif
No one's tucked in now!
onestucked
↓
74de3c7d-e4f8-4651-8e14-866a2b949635.gif
Just give me 30 seconds.
seconds
↓
076c058f-da0e-444b-ba06-894f96469abf.gif
I'll beat you like I was your daddy.
beatdaddy
↓
704787e6-cef2-4186-9d0e-c66974224ec8.gif
I am gonna pound your head
headpound
↓
5cc62e1b-340b-4929-b2e3-e5351ee45a87.gif
out through your butt,
butt
↓
57523680-e109-46e1-bb67-0611cca0fbc5.gif
and then I'm gonna make you kiss it!
kiss
↓
c6395bcf-fd57-437c-bdc6-6c9bc8ac6285.gif
I am very sorry, sir.
↓
cea7c498-beab-4367-bb30-62627aa65028.gif
Oh, yeah, you're gonna be sorry. Hey, where you going?
↓
fdd99d26-9858-4e65-81ae-e77319ca5e79.gif
You gonna run away, little girl?
girl
↓
66573c70-35df-4c8b-ae89-8c64fff9bb50.gif
Why don't you come out here and fight like a man?
fight
↓
f32059b7-3d6b-4725-858e-3e0472b64c09.gif
Hey, Mom, what are you doing?
↓
1c8fe375-7c63-4161-95ca-bbd4eb6b2449.gif
Unloading the groceries.
groceriesunloading
↓
18736f52-53b0-43aa-b6f3-a3ceca9056d2.gif
You're, uh, a little far on the sidewalk, aren't you?
sidewalk
↓
9bb277cd-b46b-49e3-bd4c-c8c47fc5f3cb.gif
Who cares? Grab a bag.
caresgrab
↓
c17c2b4f-6bcd-4212-9443-df2654894fd3.gif
You have to leave the sidewalk free for pedestrians.
freesidewalk
↓
61b8baed-63ec-4191-8a7b-5bea1a42b410.gif
Stop stalling and help unload.
stallingunload
↓
c763f0ba-35ca-4b18-a067-e4e1f1556122.gif
Are you walking away from me?
walking
↓
8cf035fb-f82a-4b16-b498-0cbc38db8404.gif
Excuse me?
excuse
↓
ca533d3b-dea0-4cba-b810-3fb9e41d41fe.gif
You can't leave your car here.
↓
e0092481-5c23-4b3c-a910-7903ef00efaa.gif
I will leave my car wherever I wanna leave my car.
↓
2aac3697-7361-44c6-9058-5c15100fedeb.gif
Well, I'd hate to see anything happen to your car.
happenhate
↓
ff1cf751-52f3-4c62-8c32-b56c2d6e5bad.gif
Just bring in the bags, Reese.
bagsbringreese
↓
c8a557f2-6174-4af9-8a37-12b501900644.gif
It was Dewey last time.
dewey
↓
c45f5a6d-03d9-43b2-b090-acd028ffcd11.gif
Officer in need of assistance!
assistanceofficer
↓
12b612cf-3830-4ae6-b503-ad8705187bfa.gif
Repeat, officer in need of assistance!
assistanceofficerrepeat
↓
bbcbc76c-5f95-48da-b2ba-8b10b7145a35.gif
911, emergency.
emergency
↓
123f59f0-e3e3-4de8-b429-0af217a1eaaa.gif
This is Craig Feldspar.
craigcraig-feldsparfeldspar
↓
0432adfd-3295-402c-8d66-203626f0806c.gif
You've got to help me.
↓
f0c11f8b-f202-4da1-a83c-6d0bdad87fa6.gif
My monkey butler is trying to kill me.
butlerkillmonkey
↓
12d286db-40d1-4853-82cf-49998ebacd79.gif
I don't know how much time I have--
↓
5996ceb6-d283-493d-afdc-12beb85deb9c.gif
That lawyer was a total idiot.
idiotlawyertotaltotal-idiot
↓
0daa5304-f6b9-45cd-a851-e8e8357d4ae0.gif
Are you kidding? A $50 fine was a great deal.
dealkidding
↓
1cbfdbb9-0937-4601-8813-1d92b7c041f6.gif
It probably cost 10 times that amount to wire that deputy's jaw shut.
amountcosttimeswire
↓
0495cadf-9dde-4d66-bc31-4fb0118b8b3b.gif
He totally deserved what happened.
deservedhappened
↓
54a9e83a-0434-473c-9b80-3457a0ec2cce.gif
This is not helping us.
helping
↓
a190bc4c-ba8b-4925-84d9-71880d4976b8.gif
Here's the settlement check from the tribe.
checksettlementtribe
↓
5ee7a875-4620-43f8-a68b-28d823de8fb7.gif
Use it to pay your fine.
↓
acb83334-830e-44b9-b4d1-536bbbc8922d.gif
I'm not taking a settlement and I'm not paying a fine.
payingsettlement
↓
65b3d166-bf11-430a-9a10-126392eec595.gif
I'm getting a real lawyer and taking this to trial.
lawyerrealtrial
↓
edf0bb18-4392-4a6a-90fe-da5ac2057173.gif
That would take four or five months.
fivefive-monthsfourmonths
↓
27151237-e37a-4692-b697-1033f3402634.gif
There is a bulldozer in the yard,
bulldozeryard
↓
784ea9b4-6ff1-4d2b-a1d8-e4feb7155c00.gif
and it's gonna flatten this house whether we're in it or not.
flattenhousewhether
↓
2fdba2cb-6502-4282-909e-fd8ded89d4bb.gif
I'm not scared of a bulldozer.
bulldozerscared
↓
e6d1373e-47ec-48ba-a9bf-34f3e29b654b.gif
You know what? The bulldozer doesn't care if you're scared or not.
bulldozercarescared
↓
1bf34e03-ad90-4fdb-ba92-af43a6eab800.gif
It will still crush you. We have to get out of here!
crush
↓
20444eaf-8fc9-49b7-b2ee-d300afdd552f.gif
I can't.
↓
5438d79c-422b-404e-8fd9-88cdc73629cb.gif
Why are you so scared to leave?
scared
↓
57a64467-b3a1-4de7-a6d4-acef471ffb49.gif
I don't know!
↓
d03ff365-76e6-4553-96ec-789ff7baf645.gif
Francis, I've been on this reservation my whole life.
francislifereservationwholewhole-life
↓
967f7cb9-98b3-49a5-9d77-9965f93d9c0d.gif
I don't know anything else.
↓
d4b2e508-db19-4c4d-b873-e3e16900d495.gif
I'm just a hick.
hick
↓
1af2d5e3-b3f3-47e3-991f-afabbb886554.gif
I'm not like you.
↓
1a0a8ad0-30d7-48b7-9d4b-6291abda28dc.gif
I can't just pick up and start a new life whenever I need to.
lifepickstart
↓
e76f39cc-b7c5-4cbd-b883-4256339afe5f.gif
I'm not as brave as you, okay?
brave
↓
726e76a4-10a5-4e87-a89c-a961ec4c509b.gif
Brave?
brave
↓
bdb16a6b-d48f-4ca9-a3f5-5cd5005195d0.gif
I'm not brave. I just didn't know any better.
brave
↓
157e7cb8-5726-4564-ac28-69764bf4d230.gif
- What? - If I had had any idea
idea
↓
049b0d9a-8aa7-44a4-ab29-1f799815a732.gif
of how horrible it was up here, I never would've come.
horriblewouldve
↓
6b113019-d358-4b66-bc11-20230032b2ef.gif
And I never would have met you.
↓
b00e0538-d5a9-4799-93b2-e5e884d73af3.gif
I'm not brave. I'm just stupid and lucky.
braveluckystupid
↓
1de38f27-a688-4d05-b39d-17abdf8dd8f8.gif
And you're with me now, so my stupid luck will take care of you.
careluckstupid
↓
5567005c-d033-4a8a-a7c3-a38e8600d053.gif
Hopefully one-fifteenth of a share will pay off our fine
hopefullyshare
↓
de0b3796-f85b-4214-918d-9198e043f33e.gif
and maybe buy us a bus ticket.
ticket
↓
7886ea9a-6edc-4bef-ba09-a7a6f3d52bf9.gif
- Oh, my God. - What?
↓
b47e98bb-5cfa-4c4f-a122-2d824390c2c4.gif
- Oh, my God. - That's more than I made all last year.
↓
ceee4f44-35ae-4d03-8ea1-1fa49ca62e4d.gif
- See, this is what I'm talking about! - Oh!
↓
894e8c90-fbc8-483b-8efc-34b6b48c00fe.gif
Craig, are you in there?
craig
↓
de867093-a658-4874-93e1-d15803ef0c20.gif
Craig?
craig
↓
e2a44699-95d7-4473-aef6-e8fcd1c1ca1e.gif
What happened?
happened
↓
2fd3d79f-b68a-49c7-8a38-e7dfbc5ae2fb.gif
Behind you.
behind
↓
9be81a9d-2390-4c77-ae32-04bac61f5efa.gif
- What the hell is wrong with that monkey? - He's crazy.
crazymonkey
↓
d85e4cfb-3213-4736-bc50-aab7cb261420.gif
Well, he picked the wrong guy to mess with!
messpicked
↓
598ff61f-b457-4d80-bf75-c365531955fa.gif
Oh, no. God, please, no!
↓
ba5183f2-7826-48bf-9cf3-eaf7cb909a42.gif
Get up, Craig!
craig
↓
9baf11b6-f29d-4e88-b852-e70c1f454cd9.gif
No, leave me. Save yourself!
save
↓
0d646913-a834-47e3-bef1-864347a85a2e.gif
I am not gonna leave you, buddy!
buddy
↓
a01d04d0-023b-472d-91dd-bee039107fee.gif
You'll be safe here.
safe
↓
89283b2e-9559-4624-a090-4598c87bc396.gif
Not my Romulans!
↓
066c292e-1fbf-4c99-a5fa-da3e849d3cfc.gif
I always pictured it ending like this.
endingpictured
↓
d4bf8e30-15f3-4848-920e-0e048d67e6e2.gif
Take that, you damn dirty helper monkey!
dirtyhelpermonkey
↓
8d837b1e-6ea2-4293-b0a8-65127ef7fd42.gif
- So, where do you wanna go? - I don't care.
care
↓
02962fe6-b224-41aa-b2d1-35604f8686f2.gif
All I know is we've got $2,000 left and a car pointed south.
leftpointedsouth
↓
bd81969b-533e-4895-adf3-e558dfa88b1b.gif
Read it to me again, Dad.
read
↓
52460b4a-6706-42e6-a086-b0e301767ed1.gif
Okay, son.
↓
8d3030a5-b8c7-4422-b00d-984e28632649.gif
"Local man subdues monkey.
localmonkey
↓
97d61d66-a980-4fed-8344-c9df9df260d5.gif
A disabled man was saved by a local hero when he was--"
disabledherolocalsaved
↓
2093b45c-e430-427d-ac50-1990c5f9ba75.gif
Oh.
↓
f878e182-f642-4973-9790-c4138ff4c1cf.gif
I can't believe it.
believe
↓
05710dd2-1a37-471a-8e05-dcb16a290125.gif
Dewey's finally fallen asleep.
asleepdeweysfallenfinally
↓
56f5d776-44d3-486e-a22c-20785d8f079f.gif
I'm only 11 hours away from the world record.
hoursrecordworldworld-record
↓
485fa814-ece0-4a42-b090-a4416b1970fa.gif
At least some good will come of...
least
↓
48f6a64b-af39-41ba-ac51-c714c2f5d364.gif
"Experts say the capuchin monkey can weigh up to nine pounds.
expertsmonkeyninepoundsweigh
↓
563b8eea-fd1a-4f59-99f1-1aab87587176.gif
'He's a real hero,' said victim Craig Feldspar, age 36."
craigcraig-feldsparfeldsparherorealreal-herovictim
↓
0dfd5176-035f-43c5-a9c1-1ad56385698d.gif
A real hero.
herorealreal-hero