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Home » The Cable Guy » S01E01 — The Cable Guy

The Cable Guy

Season 1, Episode 1 — The Cable Guy

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God bless you. You're too good to me.
bless
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All set!
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- What's with the cut cord? - That's for effect. Until tomorrow.
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She's pretty. Don't kiss her. Don't even touch her.
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Resist the urge at all costs. lt'll pay off in the end.
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See what l'm saying?
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Enjoy the flick.
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That was fast.
fast
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- Are you okay? - l'm fine. Don't l look fine?
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That isn't how it's done. l'd rather just see somebody l like.
somebody
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Get a feeling about them, and ask them if they'd like a drink.
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- Or a slice of pizza? - Does it still work this way?
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- lt doesn't. They ask you. - l'm starting to notice that.
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lf you get a new wife, do you get to have sex with her?
wife
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- l certainly hope so. - Will she scratch up your back?
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What?
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ln movies, women always scratch the man when they're having sex.
havingmoviesscratchwomen
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- How do you know this? - Jed's got cable.
cable
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- Mommy's got to go out now. - When will l get a brother?
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That's why Mommy is going out.
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Just sit there with Mr. Babysitter and he'll take good care of you.
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Don't sit so close to that thing. lt's going to rot your brain.
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- Why didn't you take my call? - l can't always pick up the phone.
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Your nostrils flare when you're mad.
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Sorry about yesterday. How did everything go with you?
yesterday
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- Keep them closed! - Pretty well. The other night ...
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l want this to be a surprise.
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- Where are we going? - The finest restaurant in town.
finestrestauranttown
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Open ... sesame.
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Medieval Times?
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l knew you'd like it. l come twice a week.
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l'm your serving wench, Melinda. Care for something from the barkeep?
careserving
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Dost thust have thou a mug of ale?
thou
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Me mate here, pitched in battle for a fortnight, has a king's thirst.
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- l'll be right back, My Lord. - My thanks to ye, fair wench.
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Thanks.
thanks
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- Look, l have to tell you ... - Hold that thought. Show's on.
shows
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Welcome to a magnificent journey ... into the past.
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This is Medieval Times!
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Are you prepared for a night of feasting and sport -
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- the likes of which you'll never forget?
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Stand up and cheer for your section's knight!
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Let the games begin! The blue knight rules!
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The red knight sucks the big one! You're going down, red knight!
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Going down, down, down! Red knight going down!
knight
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Smite him!
smite
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- Could l get a knife and fork? - There were none in medieval times.
forkknifemedievaltimes
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- More Pepsi? - There was Pepsi, but no utensils?
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