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Home » Bad Thoughts » S02E06 — Bad Decisions

Bad Thoughts

Season 2, Episode 6 — Bad Decisions

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Bad Thoughts
Episode title: Bad Decisions
Air date: May 24, 2026
Directors: Rami Hachache, Tyler Cornack
Top billed cast: Tom Segura
An unlucky traveler steps into the wrong TSA line. A comedian weighs the cost of a career-making movie deal.
Source: TMDB
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Come on, gotta hustle. We got seven minutes till boarding.
boardinghustleminutessevenseven-minutestill
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Okay, honey. Slow down. Hey, hey, hi.
honeyslow
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- Okay. - Let's take a breath.
breath
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Okay.
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- I'm sorry. I'm just... - Yeah.
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I'm really excited about this trip. I mean, we've never been to Barbados.
excitedtrip
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I know, but we can calm down, okay?
calm
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- Okay. - There's like nobody here.
nobody
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I think we're gonna be fine.
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Yeah, you're right. Sorry.
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We'll be all right.
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Attention, passengers...
attentionpassengers
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- Next. - Hi.
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Hello. ID, please.
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- Thank you. Have a safe trip. - Thank you.
safetrip
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Hi, there.
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One second, sir.
second
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- Sorry. - Hey, Patricia!
patricia
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What's up, twin? You ready to switch?
readyswitchtwin
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Yes, ma'am.
maam
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All right.
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- Get your white ass over here. - I'm coming. Damn.
comingwhite
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- Hey, boo. - You are glowing!
glowing
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- I'll tell you why when I come back. - Oh shit.
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Kev gave you a workout, huh?
workout
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A workout!
workout
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- Ooh! Shit. - Here you go.
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Sir, I still got 30 more seconds of break.
breakseconds
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Excuse me, ma'am, it's just I'm running a little late,
excuselatemaamrunning
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and I've got to get to my gate. Pardon me.
gatepardon
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You're acting like I’m the one that set your alarm. I didn't do that shit.
actingalarm
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Gosh, I wish you had been there to help wake me up this morning.
goshmorningwakewish
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Ugh.
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No, thank you. Wake you up?
wake
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3571e39f-07b5-4eb6-9bd4-cbc60424abbf.gif
- Tickle your nuts? I don't think so. - Oh, no, I-I didn't mean it like that.
nutstickle
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Okay, next.
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Uh, excuse me. Do you hand things to your lady like that?
excusehandlady
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Hand that shit to me softer.
handsofter
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Softer?
softer
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Yeah, softer.
softer
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Thank you.
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Look in the camera.
camera
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Can you take your goofy-ass hat off, please?
goofy
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Sure. Sorry.
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Dang, you got a big-ass head.
danghead
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Yeah, you know, they-- they say that's actually a sign of intelligence.
intelligencesign
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They say that Einstein had a big ol' melon.
einsteinmelon
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Ooh, that's the dude with the freaky-ass island, huh?
freakyisland
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No, you're thinking of Jeffrey Epstein.
epsteinjeffreythinking
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Shit.
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8132f132-acf8-49c2-8b7f-2ea640603d51.gif
Hey, big-head Epstein coming through!
comingepsteinhead
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- Thank you. - Next.
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A reminder, shoes stay on.
remindershoes
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Belts come off.
belts
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Large electronics into a separate bin.
electronicsseparate
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307d235d-e346-477d-bbaa-b04dc2a7c857.gif
Why are your shoes on?
shoes
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I thought the guy just said that you don't have to take your shoes off.
shoes
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- What guy? - I think it was this gentleman right here.
gentleman
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I thought that's what he said.
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Did you just call me a nigga?
nigga
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1aed7975-042e-4753-878d-a1f906ddc363.gif
No, I just... I just thought that you'd said--
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- I ain't say nothing. - So, excuse me, shoes off?
aintexcuseshoes
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- No, excuse you. - Listen up! Shoes off!
excuseshoes
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- Shoes on. - Belts on.
beltsshoes
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- Belts off. Jackets on. - Okay, I apologize.
apologizebeltsjackets
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- Get my shoes off. - Think he OBJ.
shoes
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2e41de95-b383-46e9-9ab3-ae35bc52ae38.gif
Step in.
step
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Hands over your head.
handshead
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912a5ac1-cff5-47a9-b3b2-ca9bf4e7c60b.gif
Hold them there.
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Step out.
step
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938a9dbe-9003-4936-a6d8-2669de43a7f5.gif
It's telling me I'm gonna have to do a secondary screening.
screeningsecondarytelling
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Do we have your consent for a secondary screening?
consentscreeningsecondary
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Okay, just-- just go ahead. I'll meet you at the gate.
aheadgatego-aheadmeet
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Okay.
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This will just take a couple minutes, sir.
couplecouple-minutesminutes
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- Oh, you bringing someone home with that. - You know that's right.
bringinghome
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Patricia for a secondary screening.
patriciascreeningsecondary
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Copy. I gotta go.
copy
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Bye, bitch.
bitch
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Did you say Patricia?
patricia
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Tracy!
tracy
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883d7db7-2ab9-47bc-a4a0-cabae830db6b.gif
- What's up, girl? - I drank your Pepsi Max.
drankgirlpepsi
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- That's all right. - Oh shit.
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- You still here? - How you doing?
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- That's wild as hell. - I know, yeah.
wild
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Okay, spread 'em.
spread
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Okay.
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What is this shit?
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Ooh! Your gooch thick.
thick
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That could be a problem. You need to see the dick and balls doctor.
ballsdickdoctorproblem
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Prostate guy, yeah. Thank you.
prostate
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What you got in here?
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Ma'am, how much longer do you think this is gonna take?
longermaam
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I've really got to make this flight.
flight
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You think you could not grow when my hands are here?
growhands
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I don't think I'm growing.
growing
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I saw your lady earlier.
lady
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bf0db99b-3b31-49f7-9764-78fdafa8b370.gif
I don't think she would like to know the way you lookin' at another woman.
anotheranother-womanlookinwoman
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- How am I looking at you? - Like that.
looking
↓
c654f9ec-671e-44cc-8a2f-8bf2c0bf88c8.gif
Like you're trying to get with me.
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You know, people say I look like Rihanna.
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Yeah, yeah.
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She's a beauty.
beauty
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- Fuck! - What?
fuck
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Shit.
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Your dumb-ass leg broke my nail.
brokedumbnail
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Yeah.
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May I get going now?
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Yeah, get your ass out of here.
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- Good to see you. - Take your ass this way.
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- Go get your motherfucking bag. - Fuck.
fuckmotherfucking
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Come on, come on.
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Oh shit!
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Teddy, look at this shit.
teddy
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Look at this man get clipped by a whole-ass semi truck.
clippedtruckwhole
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Come on.
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aa4b7785-793b-48be-9ed2-56ee4a2cd684.gif
Patricia, that ain't real. That's AI.
aintpatriciareal
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How you know?
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Well, the driver of the truck is, uh, Peter Griffin.
drivergriffinpeterpeter-griffintruck
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He's normally like a cartoon character.
cartooncartoon-charactercharacternormally
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That's a real man. What the hell is AI?
real
↓
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Oh shit.
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Patricia, your crazy ass made me miss a bag.
crazymisspatricia
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I gotta put that one back through.
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That's my bad. I'll take care of it. Don't worry.
careworry
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Whose raggedy-ass bag is this?
raggedy
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Ugh. This bag stank.
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cd9be20e-80af-42ed-bd4d-4f82b4d12897.gif
- Just have at it. - All right.
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Let's do this.
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Let's see what nasty shit you got in here.
nasty
↓
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Ooh.
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This camera got lithium batteries?
batteriescamera
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You know what? Just keep the camera.
camera
↓
c1cbe100-e396-4426-9b86-b1e6c1e95747.gif
Okay. Teddy!
teddy
↓
5d92c314-2c96-48f2-91a5-eaacd192cb30.gif
- You be taking pictures, right? - Sure do.
pictures
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cafe2fb7-cd65-4504-9516-4c2c23ccb094.gif
I know you do, with your freak ass. Here.
freak
↓
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Christmas came early, motherfucker.
christmasearlymotherfucker
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You know I take care of mine.
care
↓
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- Thank you. - All right, take some of me.
↓
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I repeat, this is the final boarding call...
boardingfinalrepeat
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Let me turn around for you a second.
second
↓
10184e90-cc52-481f-bc77-c83418c41f3f.gif
I'm trying to look like Solange.
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8e30d834-7bfc-4eac-a0d6-63065169f06d.gif
- You do. You're beautiful. - Thank you.
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- You look good. - I know what you like, Teddy.
teddy
↓
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Will you cut the shit?
↓
7f2c3db5-4958-4269-a4cd-732fde80dd8b.gif
Excuse you?
excuse
↓
4f520fa3-01f6-4b8a-8b05-6ae609d9b5e4.gif
What is your problem with me, lady?
ladyproblem
↓
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You have singled me out
singled
↓
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and made this a beyond hellish experience.
beyondexperiencehellish
↓
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And you're making me feel...
↓
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I feel like I'm gonna explode.
explode
↓
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He got a bomb!
bomb
↓
284983d6-74a3-473a-bcf3-2de429fe2d95.gif
- Hey. - Hey.
↓
294e89ca-eacf-4d6c-9521-5e0e40c63a8c.gif
That's my guy.
↓
f3a5cb31-b02e-4137-a17c-2587733bc0fc.gif
I'm not late, am I?
late
↓
29c42d4f-e50c-468b-bdfe-44590efa363c.gif
Not at all.
↓
6bcd5bc6-68eb-481e-8c61-892a65124cca.gif
Let me get a look at you. Oh yeah. You look great, man.
↓
29d097f6-498a-44c2-b853-8bfbeb406e23.gif
Your body's so fit right now.
bodys
↓
0b6850d7-5dad-46d1-8713-3da4b364583f.gif
Loving this jacket.
jacketloving
↓
3956cca1-c50a-4604-87d2-53bf1ff7944f.gif
You look slim, confident, ready for action.
actionconfidentreadyslim
↓
48823659-b9ce-4a71-a72e-b11221722452.gif
- Thanks, man. - Yeah.
thanks
↓
fef68186-e9e1-4e8f-8fc2-555410dd3d2f.gif
So this is really happening, huh?
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faf8db43-e524-4451-bdd5-290f79e63965.gif
Oh yeah.
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c0daad60-0fee-4ae4-96e3-45338b85ea5e.gif
Good, good. 'Cause I gotta tell you,
↓
4957c537-39a7-4c04-bc67-af05279683ef.gif
I'm over Bad Thoughts.
thoughts
↓
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Mm.
↓
35588a84-18b9-4359-b37c-a577fff0e84e.gif
I appreciate the opportunity. You know that.
appreciateopportunity
↓
6f503fa6-7959-4627-b251-39b67854f4fc.gif
I'm just done with this wacky prosthetic wig stuff.
prostheticstuffwacky
↓
7c24eade-b9ee-4773-9c5a-58dfb1bb2073.gif
Ugh, yeah.
↓
36f9f57a-eea1-4d07-bcc2-97d70b3a786b.gif
I-- I want people to know I take acting seriously, you know?
acting
↓
3bb0dce8-bfd3-49fb-90c9-16558982023e.gif
I want to do, like...
↓
6cad3720-dc96-47ee-8263-12e56498478f.gif
Trucks.
trucks
↓
bdea488b-f88e-4aaa-8b64-24b8356402fb.gif
- What? - Big ones.
ones
↓
d037a98f-904f-4f87-98de-2b5ea2f1eeb9.gif
Eighteen-wheelers.
eighteen
↓
d486b95a-fd42-4b96-84f4-4eaf22b8a479.gif
Why are you always talking about trucks?
trucks
↓
a9c54793-66dc-4207-9997-e7cd4ad29e86.gif
Oh, I don't know why I said that. Keep going.
↓
0319acc1-4638-4aa4-8c53-fd27901e056f.gif
Okay. I want to make feature films, is my point.
featurefilmspoint
↓
82124e65-cdae-49f2-9e7a-914d43d5f3ff.gif
Right... well, that's why we're here, buddy.
buddy
↓
537889f2-780c-43b7-aaeb-aeedb92c2c0f.gif
You are about to get a major offer from the guy that they call
majoroffer
↓
de83133f-54bc-4606-91bb-9cda6cbd2d36.gif
the Asian Chris Nolan.
asianchris
↓
69ef9a28-2c56-45c5-bea1-f617eb04bf5e.gif
Which means this thing is going to be extremely heady and thought-provoking.
extremely
↓
a9ecbeb4-7e7f-4a04-8a4b-0b1023908567.gif
You should be jizzing in your drawers right now.
drawers
↓
f5de7943-648b-4e1f-bb98-799704bf5ea2.gif
I want to see you blow your load.
blowload
↓
7790b46f-bb9d-4b9b-a449-b1b11e82824c.gif
Okay.
↓
badeab00-10aa-46be-924b-32baa509f0af.gif
I want you walking in there with a wet front,
frontwalking
↓
0b2120e9-f664-4e20-9ddd-c82e985a8249.gif
stinking to high heaven like some 13-year-old freak.
freakheavenstinking
↓
77d31113-d119-4344-85a1-cefb0b64fac3.gif
Tom?
↓
074c0430-d26d-4bc0-a5a2-f020afc7e8ec.gif
They're ready.
ready
↓
60929342-a6d2-4358-8992-adf4ea61e0df.gif
Mm.
↓
0da42ccd-8cbe-4e40-9d5c-d05b0fab5d50.gif
That's smartwater.
↓
d833e4c5-1fbc-4044-be48-05e00556c2ee.gif
These guys know what they're doing.
↓
939eaa15-8324-41b3-b13e-99fd354f4081.gif
Hey.
↓
05429def-ed49-47bc-9045-4fe592252d1a.gif
You look really cool.
cool
↓
9cb5d659-01da-4c68-b7b3-290d25af486d.gif
Thanks, man.
thanks
↓
b5dcea68-43e2-4a86-8295-98e29c7bebab.gif
Tom fucking Segura!
fuckingsegura
↓
6b866389-20cb-4fe3-aa74-873c24c212e4.gif
Oh my God! Lookin' slim, my guy.
lookinslim
↓
45f8de6b-8986-44ed-a578-ab91fe4ef6b4.gif
I would fuck you right here if I wasn't a lesbian.
fucklesbian
↓
512a7a77-74a6-46f0-8f8e-2272c31ec672.gif
Don't let the nails fool you. I'm a lesbian.
foollesbiannails
↓
222f16db-d4b4-476e-a301-714ed9db2e39.gif
Nice. I love lesbians.
lesbianslove
↓
d650b3bc-b4f2-4256-94bc-55c28095da31.gif
I watch a lot of lesbian stuff.
lesbianstuffwatch
↓
ae91c9de-6761-4231-bacc-2b65060879c2.gif
Uh, Tom, I want you to meet someone
meet
↓
a31f3c92-d6fa-46da-a1a4-475f0c8701d9.gif
who is very special to us here at Chikara Kikku.
special
↓
f46b3028-d33d-471f-bfad-dd01dbb76c88.gif
This is Mr. Yoshi Mashimoto,
↓
c974ac34-1c19-4a91-9830-7388aacaef35.gif
one of the few geniuses left in the world.
geniusesleftworld
↓
410e7655-9b96-43e4-b501-3ad07bb98de8.gif
I'm sure you're familiar with his work.
familiar
↓
ce0c5d64-5773-48a5-a79f-726c191bb929.gif
Uh...
↓
700fbfaa-e9d3-47a6-aab6-f835da2c9a7d.gif
Mr. Mashimoto is the author
author
↓
e01d3f41-f0b3-4a29-ba0a-53518ae57232.gif
of the highest-selling graphic novel of all time.
graphichighestnovelselling
↓
29877f96-496e-49b5-815f-0d4f0a96d9e6.gif
- Amazing. - Yeah.
amazing
↓
618c2a09-a708-4932-b2ad-c31ef9086b05.gif
Hello.
↓
5fdb8079-c5bb-47f9-96c0-cf19ae300e41.gif
Mr. Mashimoto is honored that you are here.
honored
↓
8ab55dc5-c6ec-436f-8365-f3158f9c20ef.gif
Thank you.
↓
58d00ddd-c71d-4536-bf4c-7c7f6cc4ff3f.gif
He also says that you are very funny and bald.
baldfunny
↓
4110e9ea-fefe-450e-aa36-9259fe812b0c.gif
- Yes. - And he loves your blue eyes.
blueblue-eyeseyesloves
↓
872d2be6-da70-4d70-87ec-ff085921eb66.gif
I've always said that they pop on camera.
camera
↓
50a65e4e-5ee3-4644-84d1-390c5da13f74.gif
Thank you. That's very nice.
↓
8524dbce-0d3f-4d3d-98a5-9cb6eeb61cc6.gif
Great.
↓
d6cca369-b0e7-4894-8685-b792a5bf94db.gif
All right. Let's take a seat.
seat
↓
db9012a9-5736-43ee-b8c9-e33035e63c7a.gif
Okay.
↓
47065e44-241e-41c1-b0d0-3ff629dda210.gif
So, Tom, I bet you're wondering why the hell you're here.
wondering
↓
132602fc-3343-4e67-8085-f2962c2dab8b.gif
Yeah. We were just saying this is all very under wraps.
wraps
↓
da66205a-7d5f-433e-b913-af2c4996dc73.gif
Under wraps and exciting as fuck.
excitingfuckwraps
↓
8e2547d0-f4c3-4793-8954-23a6f3d82899.gif
Okay, well, we feel exactly the same way.
↓
71c01d5e-49da-4512-9f76-126347945c67.gif
So, Mr. Mashimoto's masterpiece
masterpiece
↓
3bdfb8a2-6147-49cc-85b8-d5161d8f599a.gif
is entitled Konyo Yaro.
entitledkonyo-yaro
↓
36e2bacd-6e26-4964-813a-ff422afa7ffb.gif
- Konyo Yaro. - That's right. Konyo Yaro.
konyo-yaro
↓
398d22a6-4aec-440b-aa74-f0e1123dac9c.gif
Rolls right off the tongue.
rollstongue
↓
725ae2b5-6de1-4fa7-b337-64c24b64ee74.gif
And we are now finally, after many years,
finallyyears
↓
257106f3-2535-4ee8-a2ce-1de4ba37e8fd.gif
going to turn his brilliant graphic novel
brilliantgraphicnovel
↓
e1df06e1-231e-4f37-bfab-0d650111513f.gif
into a high-budget, live-action feature film.
actionbudgetfeaturefilmlive
↓
19077422-363c-4f35-8fc2-0eaba901951a.gif
That's awesome. I love feature films.
awesomefeaturefilmslove
↓
df207b6e-d4c9-4334-bf7e-5023d5093a36.gif
I can vouch for that. Tom does indeed love feature films.
featurefilmsindeedlove
↓
26fab98d-dfc9-4678-bc51-90f51c154480.gif
Okay. Relax.
relax
↓
87225492-3d31-4a1c-a943-224c4f779750.gif
So, Tom, the reason why you're here
reason
↓
62f31000-6dd3-481f-8b09-25c56fb55846.gif
is that Mr. Mashimoto has requested
requested
↓
965871a2-6f66-4aaa-9e02-35808ed0c815.gif
you play the main character.
charactermain
↓
ac7757e4-e697-4709-847c-49dd4ad213d2.gif
- Really? - I know. Our reaction here was the same.
reaction
↓
8687fdb8-be9e-4a0a-b807-2b3d219c162d.gif
Like, there are so many other people who could do it
↓
c491227f-7ca1-4ce6-b73b-2448c3baa16b.gif
who are movie stars, you know?
moviestars
↓
ce7f1fb0-d160-4d6c-be29-09790c59ba72.gif
But no, he made it very clear
clear
↓
1922ef27-89b9-4e5a-b68e-32600b5adeeb.gif
he only wants you.
wants
↓
02a9d4f8-e26d-434e-b7e3-131da66a602b.gif
I think I'm gonna come.
↓
0721c610-5d31-464c-82ab-eb8c17a1e1d0.gif
This is your guy. Where do we sign?
sign
↓
a28b590b-ba96-40cb-88c9-4a9c18fb30d3.gif
I mean, uh, we are very open to this.
open
↓
53b59616-8754-4e3d-9ee8-d225973d9e49.gif
Yes, um, it's very flattering. Thank you for that.
flattering
↓
ba56820f-2ea5-4dde-b87a-c4ad37977cf6.gif
Um, and it sounds great, but can I get a little bit more detail about it?
detailsounds
↓
6709be88-c14b-49b0-85b1-3b2c7bf42970.gif
Of course. Yeah, of course.
course
↓
c6e63fad-376b-4337-91e2-c445abd53a25.gif
Let's go through the whole thing. Okay.
whole
↓
64681db0-99cd-4dab-801b-9d7a225a4eb0.gif
Behold.
behold
↓
c9358b0e-11e3-4cc1-b177-1610ca86bc8e.gif
New Tokyoville.
↓
f34fcb66-ef48-43a7-99ae-da1feea4b351.gif
Humanity's last safe zone in a post-chemical wasteland.
chemicalpostsafezone
↓
b124797d-0708-4680-aec9-c14da7f38bb6.gif
Yet danger coils around every border
borderdanger
↓
fe19af0f-49db-464a-aaaa-290bf84bbe2c.gif
as rogue cyborgs are closing in on every side.
closingrogueside
↓
316a079f-68fc-4c76-bf7b-43e5f10c14b1.gif
But from the shadows emerges...
shadows
↓
a7e5c3d4-2c2a-447d-814f-4c1232c152c2.gif
Bushido!
↓
072d8278-1e6b-4856-af44-758ef30dbf98.gif
Yes, a rogue warrior forged in exile
forgedroguewarrior
↓
5cdb1fbc-32b4-4683-9e6e-cd1c15e7d60f.gif
and driven by fate,
drivenfate
↓
2c086e47-4258-4beb-a813-8eb80ea68968.gif
destined to rid the world of evil
destinedevilworld
↓
7e92b570-7003-46a8-8346-377377f4256d.gif
and deliver humanity from the edge of oblivion.
deliveredgehumanityoblivion
↓
a280a24f-1254-459c-b520-feb53f133410.gif
That's you.
↓
2c1e72ca-2189-4ee8-a8d1-e51e017fedb5.gif
Huh.
↓
250e45fc-8281-4dfd-b47b-08cb36bf82b4.gif
Wow.
↓
ff501192-468b-4947-907f-daf2d7b8c47e.gif
Squirt. I just came.
squirt
↓
c391d19c-6cbd-47db-b87b-ebea860b77f0.gif
I warned you guys.
warned
↓
cf7ae94f-3c20-4df9-8125-23cb177cdb6f.gif
So he's just a total badass?
badasstotal
↓
145a8050-98ec-4558-af83-c70459321a44.gif
Not sure this is even gonna require much acting.
actingrequire
↓
782caf26-6ef9-4293-b786-ad457aa7cae9.gif
Hey, hey. Jesus. You gotta tone it down a notch.
jesusnotchtone
↓
65bafd22-749c-497b-b00f-29c004b2ef82.gif
Well, actually, I mean, the character is a bit of a recluse.
character
↓
3ec02588-366c-4830-b38e-6574b67c9763.gif
Yes, he lives in the sewer system.
livessewersystem
↓
1a8e0386-e3c1-41a8-b286-f5d2c399ece1.gif
In the sewer system?
sewersystem
↓
d3cdee36-f535-47c9-af94-86fc9f4d8070.gif
Yes. He gets his power from the waste of the city,
citypowerwaste
↓
1bc21180-0bdc-4878-8c78-2395f2b9b2bb.gif
but then channels it for good.
channels
↓
0ca5bcc7-694c-4bf0-8c89-698b24f943e8.gif
- Yeah. - I told you. Heady stuff.
stuff
↓
26411c4d-1372-4524-8fda-8df47b4a50a8.gif
Interesting. And what is the name of the movie again?
interestingmoviename
↓
bb035206-379f-4222-8f1d-c7e4dfc6d062.gif
- Konyo... - Konyo Yaro.
konyo-yaro
↓
46cca8a1-7ce5-4b93-a5bb-bf751420820b.gif
Konyo Yaro.
konyo-yaro
↓
ae1ffce6-d360-44ef-a3b8-74d2d8eca0ea.gif
Yes, but of course, we will use the English translation.
courseenglishtranslation
↓
4e3a5090-c3c8-4b8f-9dfa-d77f1a22f61a.gif
Right.
↓
9187ee2a-9eb6-4b33-911e-fd891c9adc35.gif
Hogtit Shitbeast.
↓
ee47199c-a1a9-43d5-a0c5-99b2a8513ddf.gif
Hogtit Shitbeast.
↓
acad394d-bf32-43d0-bdaf-61d334359df4.gif
Wow. Powerful.
powerful
↓
bd68ec58-ebe8-4065-adaa-189ab390fb67.gif
Hogtit Shitbeast?
↓
aa82a471-bbf1-45c6-9617-905d63f7b311.gif
Yeah, well, because he's got the hog tits,
tits
↓
ac4809fd-8eb8-4cb4-96e4-c46148606e9c.gif
but also he is a shit beast,
beast
↓
2d782ba6-83be-4746-ba76-7a4fc06d84dd.gif
so it's a little bit of a play on words there.
words
↓
0681bf44-5aa9-46f3-8266-04f91af5c074.gif
- Hm. - Badass. I get it.
badass
↓
499552aa-fb7f-4523-a745-a26b5817ff28.gif
It's foreign. It's edgy.
edgyforeign
↓
0837ab01-0691-47e6-9251-3dd775d6e1f9.gif
I'm, like, super into this.
super
↓
9bad0d79-8822-4597-8bde-38ea645e6e32.gif
This?
↓
cf1d9da7-9fdb-4bf1-b749-f0d49d16798f.gif
So actually he is gonna need you to pack on about 150--
pack
↓
1744e62f-d34d-4e07-be82-96fd8a4e0140.gif
I mean, at this point, over 200 pounds.
pointpounds
↓
5749bfba-ca56-46ed-9537-e3c691ab7d5c.gif
You must become fatter.
becomebecome-fatterfattermust
↓
aace59e7-c357-40b8-87c9-a235222cc0e2.gif
It has to be real. No computers.
computersreal
↓
23c98457-0c40-4060-a6f3-dd85e5d40a7c.gif
You see, you first caught Mr. Mashimoto's attention
attentioncaught
↓
99a5b73d-d5c5-4124-9a2b-8eb87a786b98.gif
with your 2014 ha-ha comedy show, Completely Normal.
comedycompletelycompletely-normalnormal
↓
3ef240ae-339f-4c9f-bb5b-516a627de625.gif
Ha-ha comedy show.
comedy
↓
a65b5cfe-3b9c-4edb-b49d-efbca1e31aec.gif
Very funny.
funny
↓
f587a16a-bc85-4dc1-bb84-2e2605627a2a.gif
Thank you for watching that.
watching
↓
ec2f5c2a-6c43-4411-9dd1-82915775c7cb.gif
He took one look at your face and said, "That is my Hogtit Shitbeast."
face
↓
adc471e3-a996-4f98-b2d9-ece302c0988a.gif
It's as if you jumped right out of his mind.
jumpedmind
↓
c0d2fcfa-705c-42d6-8a93-bf422c51effa.gif
In fact, he's been heartbroken about your recent weight loss.
factheartbrokenlossrecentweightweight-loss
↓
9fd84d57-56a1-4306-94a9-114be17378db.gif
The same way he felt when fat Adele got skinny.
skinny
↓
655cd99e-d2bc-4c66-a545-33756e771cf4.gif
Yeah, uh, it's hard to keep it off, but...
hard
↓
5a373087-0b35-4724-81e4-a336c70e8b20.gif
You've done it before.
↓
4f35e316-f9c0-423e-85fe-9c0d526eb9ec.gif
Just stuff your fat face, you little piggy.
facepiggystuff
↓
8836d00f-80d1-42f9-b0fa-f05965f5bc75.gif
His words, not mine.
words
↓
ea647f8d-ced7-4dde-90e9-69e438cf5430.gif
And what's coming out of his breasts?
breastscoming
↓
7c001deb-5627-478e-ace9-71415537e5e4.gif
Those are teats. And it's blood.
bloodteats
↓
7427ebc6-6d20-410b-8a0d-f72b130f1ba8.gif
He replenishes what he loses by killing,
killingloses
↓
540eda87-7719-4f0a-8b9d-4843597fa398.gif
which is why he lives underneath the abortion clinic.
abortioncliniclivesunderneath
↓
4437d5a4-0dfd-4404-a6a7-7d2e352ab696.gif
He eats the fetuses one at a time, yeah,
eats
↓
adbfd5fd-8eb4-4fc4-9800-7952834e13d1.gif
and when he runs out, that's when fecal matter sprays out.
fecalfecal-mattermatterrunssprays
↓
7cd2affe-a914-497d-8130-9f522e0539d9.gif
Of his tits.
tits
↓
62d30817-b3f6-4db3-8ecf-105252cb1a11.gif
- Teats. - Right.
teats
↓
e3073252-bb32-4c8c-9978-20e8b72f97f6.gif
His teats, correct.
correctteats
↓
d9e422b5-eed8-4944-903e-7cd6ba974acf.gif
Of course. Makes complete sense.
completecoursemakessense
↓
cf523ca7-f680-41cf-a9d9-2e4db0290456.gif
I've got the contract ready for you right here.
contractready
↓
1fbf6361-464a-49b4-84e2-7f52ae056665.gif
All the details are outlined.
details
↓
83940c98-35d0-478c-bb22-7b583739e87a.gif
Um, this is just...
↓
7e54482f-5bcf-4ae1-8195-5ca0b2a10654.gif
I don't know. I don't really feel like I'm getting it, you know?
↓
518fd685-8557-428e-b4cb-98e583650df1.gif
Well, maybe this will help.
↓
84754b96-3da7-4b66-86a8-42e21ac4c101.gif
- Is that a... - Yeah, it's a lunch box.
lunch
↓
dfe8480e-ed3e-4337-ab82-23646c98c8e1.gif
Now, this is just a prototype,
prototype
↓
287f5ec3-678d-47c0-9476-bf40ee04f569.gif
but imagine milk coming out of one of them,
comingimaginemilk
↓
c063b1ce-9913-43fd-bd2f-371330c05142.gif
fruit punch out of another.
anotherfruitpunch
↓
e7b9a96a-79ff-47fb-9399-6cc2756c7f5e.gif
Oat milk, if your kid's lactose intolerant.
intolerantkidslactoselactose-intolerantmilk
↓
10e8c049-67b8-4f8d-bf33-e70c7bfda276.gif
I'm a bit of a tits guy. Can I squeeze them?
squeezetits
↓
be5a4eda-ebb3-4d58-92c9-e1a0b7db65a8.gif
Honey, go for it.
honey
↓
df4f10f3-bb90-45e8-982b-83843b819d4b.gif
Wow. These feel like real tits.
realtits
↓
c77a816b-a707-44bf-a2ba-6e578af2feca.gif
- Teats. - Teats.
teats
↓
693a6e68-31a5-402d-b733-bae3d5c51b4c.gif
The hair is a nice touch.
hairtouch
↓
a044598f-b7e1-4bfb-a245-40ecf0f301a6.gif
Yeah, I guess I'm struggling with it.
struggling
↓
6847c5d7-5dae-4404-b88b-5cd6d3e7c44f.gif
Um, it's a lot of new information. You think you could give us a second to...
informationsecond
↓
cc4bcd32-ed3c-4d66-8224-c0d15af898cd.gif
Okay, you just take one quick second.
quickquick-secondsecond
↓
26659a6c-c0aa-4356-8770-657a8a6f6924.gif
Okay.
↓
65bfc11c-71a8-40b1-8175-5fa34662acf7.gif
What the fuck, man?
fuck
↓
61a7dbff-6538-41f9-8817-ab9b4870c6f1.gif
This is all part of the game.
gamepart
↓
d04392c2-2468-49cb-9394-0e2074024720.gif
Look, I know how hard you work to keep off all that weight,
hardweight
↓
f33b190d-60a0-4e49-bd41-2117ba6324b3.gif
and it's super impressive, but like it or not,
impressivesuper
↓
3aa31b02-23ca-4697-a971-2562b3dd0454.gif
your brand is being a disgusting slob.
branddisgustingslob
↓
c798dfad-b7d9-4072-a818-b8762816b699.gif
That's how people see you.
↓
cb68a294-a408-41b9-9b4a-f2ca4944b0aa.gif
This project is your Black Panther.
blackpantherproject
↓
ab6b9f3a-4887-49d4-b86f-98b562f1866e.gif
Fat Panther.
panther
↓
2c9b00d2-ad4e-4156-b56c-417cd58b6ef8.gif
Guys, um,
↓
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as much as I appreciate
appreciate
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most of what you said,
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I just can't see myself playing this part.
partplaying
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And I really hope you can find somebody that suits what you need, sir,
hopesomebodysuits
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but it's not gonna be me.
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No?
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Because I can think of about 800,000 reasons
reasons
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why you should.
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Well, it's not about the money for me.
money
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Unfortunately, this doesn't align with who I am,
unfortunately
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and I'm gonna have to respectfully say thank you, but I can't do this.
respectfully
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Fourteen million.
fourteenmillion
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We had a little bit of wiggle room.
roomwigglewiggle-room
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Holy shit.
holy
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Fuck.
fuck
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Come on! More!
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Just make sound! Oink, oink!
oinkoink-oinksound
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You're my comedy pig!
comedy
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Comedy pig!
comedy
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Fuck.
fuck
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Fuck.
fuck