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The Audacity (2026)
» S01E07 — Foundering
The Audacity (2026)
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Season 1, Episode 7 — Foundering
- I should never have blackmailed you.
#1
⇓
Will you be my bribe?
#2
⇓
- My husband's company, MyXY, is being acquired
#3
⇓
by a big pharma entity.
#4
⇓
- What the fuck is wrong with you?
#5
⇓
- I want the VA contract back.
#6
⇓
I want to make up for what Duncan failed to do.
#7
⇓
- Duncan's a piece of shit.
#8
⇓
- Why are you even here? You're not on the board.
#9
⇓
Get the fuck out!
#10
⇓
- Everybody that's in favor
#11
⇓
of dislodging Duncan Park from the board, say aye.
#12
⇓
all: Aye.
#13
⇓
- Only way you can lose the house
#14
⇓
is if you stop being my therapist.
#15
⇓
- Your puppet.
#16
⇓
[upbeat jazzy music]
#17
⇓
- All right.
#18
⇓
♪ ♪
#19
⇓
[indistinct conversation]
#20
⇓
♪ ♪
#21
⇓
Hey, there's some Coast Guard mixed in there,
#22
⇓
so make sure you separate them by branch, all right?
#23
⇓
Oh, hey, if these are uncoded, set them aside.
#24
⇓
MUMPS are in charge! This is their time.
#25
⇓
They wrote this code before you were born, before I was born.
#26
⇓
- Ooh!
#27
⇓
- All right, who's the lucky soldier?
#28
⇓
Mary Cardenas, Sergeant First Class, U.S. Army.
#29
⇓
Amputee. Huh.
#30
⇓
Yeah, maybe.
#31
⇓
Hey, Ben?
#32
⇓
You wanna shoot this through for me real quick?
#33
⇓
♪ ♪
#34
⇓
- Incoming! - Got it?
#35
⇓
Hey, Anushka.
#36
⇓
Come here, check this out.
#37
⇓
What about her, huh?
#38
⇓
- Mary Cardenas.
#39
⇓
Yeah.
#40
⇓
All right. - Okay. All right.
#41
⇓
Send it through to [indistinct].
#42
⇓
- [sighs]
#43
⇓
♪ ♪
#44
⇓
[thunder rumbling, rain pattering]
#45
⇓
[engine turning over]
#46
⇓
[display dings]
#47
⇓
Evergreen Cemetery.
#48
⇓
[phone buzzing]
#49
⇓
Hello?
#50
⇓
- Hi, Mary Cardenas?
#51
⇓
Am I pronouncing that right?
#52
⇓
- Yeah. Who's this?
#53
⇓
- Hi, Mary. My name is Alexander.
#54
⇓
I'm calling from Veterans Affairs.
#55
⇓
Is this a good time to talk?
#56
⇓
- Well, shit.
#57
⇓
I have been trying to get ahold of someone for weeks.
#58
⇓
Told me I should go wait in a line.
#59
⇓
- I am sorry about that, Mary. We're terribly understaffed.
#60
⇓
We owe you better. That's why I'm calling.
#61
⇓
I see you need a couple prescriptions refilled.
#62
⇓
Pain management is no joke.
#63
⇓
Can I take care of that?
#64
⇓
- That would be great.
#65
⇓
- Your usual pharmacy on Bradford Avenue?
#66
⇓
Can I ask, how are you sleeping?
#67
⇓
- Like shit. - I bet.
#68
⇓
And today, of course, must be challenging.
#69
⇓
You gonna go to Evergreen Cemetery?
#70
⇓
- How did you know I was going--
#71
⇓
- You lost a friend and a leg, Mary.
#72
⇓
Can't imagine what that feels like.
#73
⇓
Actually, what does it feel like to have a leg?
#74
⇓
- Sorry, what?
#75
⇓
- After your leg was blown off,
#76
⇓
did you keep fighting? - Don't. No, no, no, no, no.
#77
⇓
- That's gotta have been difficult--
#78
⇓
hopping and shooting at the same time?
#79
⇓
The recoil alone, very destabilizing.
#80
⇓
- What the hell?
#81
⇓
- And if someone challenged you to a foot race...
#82
⇓
- No, cut--cut it--cut him off! - Would you say
#83
⇓
they were being mean or statistically confident?
#84
⇓
- What the fuck did you just say to me?
#85
⇓
This is Veterans Affairs? - Oh, my God.
#86
⇓
- Cut him off. Cut him off. - I'm transferring.
#87
⇓
- Put me on with her. Come on.
#88
⇓
Mary, hi. Tom Ruffage from the VA.
#89
⇓
I am so sorry. My, um--my colleague is, uh--
#90
⇓
yeah, he's--he's-- he's been through a lot.
#91
⇓
Uh-huh. Yeah.
#92
⇓
- Uh, I don't get it.
#93
⇓
Your bot, is it-- is it a moron?
#94
⇓
I mean, is it based on a moron?
#95
⇓
- He was raised to be curious.
#96
⇓
He was being curious. - Right.
#97
⇓
Well, it wasn't your brief to drive vets to homicidal rage.
#98
⇓
- Gnodin just exponentially upped
#99
⇓
Xander's computing storage.
#100
⇓
It was like a shot of adrenaline
#101
⇓
into a toddler's heart,
#102
⇓
and yet 93% of that exchange was perfect.
#103
⇓
You're, like, on an interstellar voyage
#104
⇓
and complaining about the snacks.
#105
⇓
- So he's a toddler? - No.
#106
⇓
Developmentally, he's still about 14, maybe 15 years old.
#107
⇓
- Why did you think that Opie was the right avatar
#108
⇓
to talk to vets?
#109
⇓
You need to rejigger your doodad.
#110
⇓
Make him a man, for Christ's sakes.
#111
⇓
- [sighs heavily] Yeah.
#112
⇓
Uh, well, Mary's gonna be okay, but that was cruel.
#113
⇓
We gotta slow down. - There!
#114
⇓
Base it on Tom. Tom's perfect.
#115
⇓
Warrior, sensitive, what have you.
#116
⇓
Emotional age past puberty.
#117
⇓
- Yeah, I don't know about all that, but, um,
#118
⇓
Xander's not ready.
#119
⇓
- No, we demo this Saturday at Watch Code.
#120
⇓
Our future as a company--
#121
⇓
- He just mocked a vet. Pump the brakes.
#122
⇓
- No, he wasn't mocking her.
#123
⇓
He was attempting to connect with her.
#124
⇓
- Martin will fix his robot.
#125
⇓
- Do not call him a robot. - Quite. Sorry.
#126
⇓
Autonomous wanker.
#127
⇓
- I'm here to help.
#128
⇓
If Alexander and I are not
#129
⇓
providing the kind of help that is--
#130
⇓
- [sighs]
#131
⇓
- Okay, then what, it's--it's "no notes" or "bugger off?"
#132
⇓
- Okay, okay, look, we can stabilize him
#133
⇓
with some off-the-shelf AI.
#134
⇓
Put a new face on him. I don't know.
#135
⇓
But this is not viable.
#136
⇓
- I--how dare you?
#137
⇓
He's viable.
#138
⇓
- He shat the bed and rolled around in it,
#139
⇓
and you're asking why he stinks.
#140
⇓
- The licensing deal I signed with you gives me
#141
⇓
final say on all developmental matters,
#142
⇓
unless you wish to buy Xander outright.
#143
⇓
And the going rate for tech like this is 10 figures.
#144
⇓
Oh, there is no other tech like Xander.
#145
⇓
AGI is the holy grail, and I'm Sir Fucking Galahad!
#146
⇓
- You're right, Martin.
#147
⇓
You are one of one.
#148
⇓
It is understood.
#149
⇓
Are you gonna handle this?
#150
⇓
- I'll--yes.
#151
⇓
- Tell me the truth.
#152
⇓
You thought he would be worth more by now.
#153
⇓
- He is a genius, you know.
#154
⇓
- Do not buy into that genius bullshit.
#155
⇓
Around here, you fart, and three of them line up
#156
⇓
to debate plume dynamics.
#157
⇓
You need him to hit a product ship date.
#158
⇓
Persuade him. He'll bend.
#159
⇓
Guy like that knows you're out of his league.
#160
⇓
I can see it from here.
#161
⇓
- Carl, that's really not any of your business.
#162
⇓
- Okay, okay, listen.
#163
⇓
You have a company to run and a job to save.
#164
⇓
Make him feel like he's a big boy.
#165
⇓
Have a little fun with him.
#166
⇓
You know what Lorraine's secret is?
#167
⇓
[stirring string music]
#168
⇓
A little backdoor diplomacy, and never neglect the twins.
#169
⇓
♪ ♪
#170
⇓
- Next time you say something like that,
#171
⇓
give me a chance to hit Record first.
#172
⇓
- Hey, Tom.
#173
⇓
Tommy!
#174
⇓
There you are. I need your biometrics.
#175
⇓
Let's go, soldier.
#176
⇓
- [sighs]
#177
⇓
♪ ♪
#178
⇓
- The amount of stomach acid we excreted--
#179
⇓
we're gonna get thrown out of our house.
#180
⇓
We're gonna live on the streets.
#181
⇓
I mean, just some investment group
#182
⇓
buying up rental properties,
#183
⇓
and here we are, safe and sound.
#184
⇓
It's pretty funny.
#185
⇓
- Hysterical.
#186
⇓
- I mean, one of us was.
#187
⇓
Same exact rent Alvin was charging us.
#188
⇓
I mean, the whole thing's just--
#189
⇓
Puppeteer Real Estate Holdings.
#190
⇓
There you go.
#191
⇓
Just in time for the after-school rush.
#192
⇓
Okay, darling.
#193
⇓
See you on the other side.
#194
⇓
- Yeah. - Have a good one.
#195
⇓
- You too.
#196
⇓
- It's this music box with a ballerina in it,
#197
⇓
and she--she pirouettes.
#198
⇓
It terrified me.
#199
⇓
- Yeah, and this memory is bothering you?
#200
⇓
Of course it is.
#201
⇓
Uh, it's likely being triggered by your current stress.
#202
⇓
I mean, the--the merger is completely off?
#203
⇓
Did I hear that right?
#204
⇓
I--because the disappointment of that could be
#205
⇓
dredging up old, painful memories and fear.
#206
⇓
Does Peter-- uh, does your husband not have
#207
⇓
any new potential buyers for his company?
#208
⇓
- It's a PR problem. I don't know.
#209
⇓
- Isn't MyXY just DNA and--and, uh, family trees?
#210
⇓
- People didn't know they might someday watch
#211
⇓
their own DNA get sold off. [sighs]
#212
⇓
- No, sure.
#213
⇓
That is, uh--
#214
⇓
- Univee is a big company.
#215
⇓
Like, if they don't do it--
#216
⇓
Peter is beside himself.
#217
⇓
It's like this feeling of terror,
#218
⇓
which, I'm sure you're right--
#219
⇓
it's associated with that music box.
#220
⇓
I can still hear the tune in my head.
#221
⇓
- Yeah.
#222
⇓
- ♪ Doo, doo, doo ♪
#223
⇓
- Uh-huh. - You know?
#224
⇓
- Okay. See you soon. - Thank you.
#225
⇓
- Great work. Yes, I'm always here for you.
#226
⇓
- Thanks. - Okay.
#227
⇓
Okay, okay.
#228
⇓
[inhales sharply]
#229
⇓
[tense music]
#230
⇓
♪ ♪
#231
⇓
Shit!
#232
⇓
♪ ♪
#233
⇓
- Well, we were discussing last time
#234
⇓
that you maybe met someone who got you,
#235
⇓
um, somebody who was,
#236
⇓
in your words, another weirdo.
#237
⇓
- Turned out to be another creep.
#238
⇓
Can I turn this on?
#239
⇓
- Mm.
#240
⇓
Is it stuffy in here?
#241
⇓
I can open a window.
#242
⇓
- No. No, don't do that.
#243
⇓
[air purifier humming]
#244
⇓
- [sighs]
#245
⇓
- Okay. You have something to say.
#246
⇓
- Do I?
#247
⇓
I'm retiring.
#248
⇓
Being the odd one out is exhausting.
#249
⇓
So I'm done.
#250
⇓
No more juvie, judges, psychiatrists.
#251
⇓
I'm officially committing to my category.
#252
⇓
My dad's rich.
#253
⇓
My trauma's just all drama.
#254
⇓
I'm built to brunch.
#255
⇓
So you win, universe.
#256
⇓
I'm her now.
#257
⇓
[engine rumbling]
#258
⇓
[gate creaks]
#259
⇓
Get out of my way, creeper.
#260
⇓
- I wasn't listening.
#261
⇓
I could have, but I--I didn't.
#262
⇓
- Wow, trophy for you, Xander.
#263
⇓
My Breezi's gonna leave.
#264
⇓
- We need to talk.
#265
⇓
- No, we don't.
#266
⇓
There's no "we." - Seriously?
#267
⇓
I'd think twice before shitting on your only friend like this.
#268
⇓
- You and I are not now nor have we ever been.
#269
⇓
Fine, you're my BFF!
#270
⇓
Now can you leave me the fuck alone?
#271
⇓
- What's going on?
#272
⇓
- Move, or I'll tell him all about
#273
⇓
your creepy little secret.
#274
⇓
- It's not your business, Gary!
#275
⇓
- Hey! Let go!
#276
⇓
- Hey, hey! - [grunts]
#277
⇓
- Hey! Or--hey!
#278
⇓
Do not put our hands on other people!
#279
⇓
Give it up! Do not--
#280
⇓
- You're not my dad!
#281
⇓
- Orson, don't grab other people.
#282
⇓
- I don't need your beta-cuck advice!
#283
⇓
- Oh! [grunts]
#284
⇓
[dog barking]
#285
⇓
[sighs]
#286
⇓
[car door slams]
#287
⇓
[dog barking]
#288
⇓
Zeus, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
#289
⇓
- You're not gonna eat your fries?
#290
⇓
- No. Here.
#291
⇓
- Oh.
#292
⇓
Afraid I'm gonna tell Mom?
#293
⇓
I won't.
#294
⇓
You know, you're a-- you're a teenager.
#295
⇓
Rebel a little bit.
#296
⇓
- You took my phone away for a month for stealing your cube.
#297
⇓
- So you did steal my cube.
#298
⇓
- No. - Yes.
#299
⇓
- I didn't. - Yes, you did.
#300
⇓
Oh, Carl.
#301
⇓
How you doing?
#302
⇓
This is my daughter, Jamison.
#303
⇓
Jamison, Carl Bardolph.
#304
⇓
- Hi. - You have no shame, do you?
#305
⇓
- Oh, you kidding?
#306
⇓
I'm shame-fueled. It's kind of like my cardio.
#307
⇓
Anyway, she wanted to come here.
#308
⇓
Best milkshakes in the Valley, right?
#309
⇓
- My daddy used to take me for...frosted bundt cake,
#310
⇓
size of a tire.
#311
⇓
And then he would whisper in my ear,
#312
⇓
I'll be back in a-- in an hour, puddin' head.
#313
⇓
And I would eat it up
#314
⇓
'cause I was sweet and stupid.
#315
⇓
I got my cake, and my dad got his alibi.
#316
⇓
[whispering] Always know when you're being used.
#317
⇓
- Carl has issues.
#318
⇓
I just thought you'd be curious to hear what I've been up to.
#319
⇓
- I know what you've been up to.
#320
⇓
Privacy is not a thing anymore?
#321
⇓
That is not a company.
#322
⇓
That is a temper tantrum.
#323
⇓
- No, it's disruptive.
#324
⇓
- Do you think no one's ever thought about making
#325
⇓
private data public?
#326
⇓
You know why it's never happened?
#327
⇓
Because those that tried got crushed--first by regulations.
#328
⇓
- Oh, the regulations, you know, are a deliberate joke--
#329
⇓
- Then by brutal lawsuits.
#330
⇓
- I don't choose what people look up.
#331
⇓
- Those regulations that nobody has the balls to pass
#332
⇓
might finally pass because of you
#333
⇓
for demonstrating their obvious need.
#334
⇓
Yeah, you'd be real popular around here after that.
#335
⇓
- I never thought I would see Carl Bardolph so scared.
#336
⇓
- Why'd you come in here, Park?
#337
⇓
Why? For my--for my blessing?
#338
⇓
My approval? - Well, I--
#339
⇓
- 'Cause Daddy didn't know how to love you?
#340
⇓
Well, join the fucking club!
#341
⇓
And I hope you never have to, sweetheart.
#342
⇓
Shakes are on me.
#343
⇓
Finish them up and leave.
#344
⇓
I bought the place, so I can kick anybody out I want.
#345
⇓
- Oh.
#346
⇓
- And I hope your dad's dumbass idea
#347
⇓
does not detonate your life.
#348
⇓
- It's not dumbass.
#349
⇓
- Everything you do is dumbass.
#350
⇓
- Come on, let's go, Jim Jam.
#351
⇓
- Okay.
#352
⇓
- Hey, Duncan.
#353
⇓
[soft tense music]
#354
⇓
Infinite growth isn't for everyone.
#355
⇓
♪ ♪
#356
⇓
- Dad, come on.
#357
⇓
♪ ♪
#358
⇓
[door shuts]
#359
⇓
- I don't like being alone, working alone.
#360
⇓
Yeah, it's the ultimate test.
#361
⇓
I know. I know.
#362
⇓
- [sighs]
#363
⇓
- If Hindenburg had a buddy
#364
⇓
while flying across the Atlantic,
#365
⇓
no one would have heard of him.
#366
⇓
But alone is like, even if you do good,
#367
⇓
no one to high-five.
#368
⇓
- So is this, um--
#369
⇓
is this about, uh, business stuff
#370
⇓
or, um, Lili stuff?
#371
⇓
- You. You're not a good partner.
#372
⇓
I saw you messing around in the account.
#373
⇓
Yeah. Started making some money too.
#374
⇓
And then you withdrew-- just the profits,
#375
⇓
as if I wouldn't notice.
#376
⇓
I-- where'd you put the winnings?
#377
⇓
- Okay, maybe we should just focus on your--
#378
⇓
tell me about your father--
#379
⇓
- No, excuse-- I--I asked you a question.
#380
⇓
- [scoffs]
#381
⇓
- Think I really deserve an answer, actually.
#382
⇓
What did you do with the money you made
#383
⇓
off the money I gave you?
#384
⇓
- I created my own shell company.
#385
⇓
Wasn't hard.
#386
⇓
There's plenty of videos online
#387
⇓
that walk you right through it.
#388
⇓
Yeah, I layered it with, uh, trusts and foundations,
#389
⇓
and, uh, it was disturbingly easy, actually,
#390
⇓
because you told me that you were spying.
#391
⇓
- Spying?
#392
⇓
We are partners.
#393
⇓
- [scoffs] Uh, I don't remember signing that agreement.
#394
⇓
- Well, yes, you did.
#395
⇓
I gave you money to place bets.
#396
⇓
You didn't have to, but you did.
#397
⇓
You took and used the dirty, dirty Duncan money
#398
⇓
and made money.
#399
⇓
So by law, you accepted whatever terms that apply.
#400
⇓
By law, partners.
#401
⇓
Can't have it both ways.
#402
⇓
- No. - Yes.
#403
⇓
- I-- - Yes.
#404
⇓
- I invested it because it--it--
#405
⇓
it was for a good cause.
#406
⇓
- Oh, what cause? Whales? Lipless babies?
#407
⇓
Or was it the JoAnne Felder Fund for Funding Felders?
#408
⇓
And, oh, yeah, you live in my house basically for free.
#409
⇓
I don't think I'm being unreasonable, partner.
#410
⇓
What were the picks?
#411
⇓
- Well, no doubt you saw I bought MyXY, M-Y-X-Y.
#412
⇓
- Yeah, yeah. Why?
#413
⇓
- The husband of one of my clients is the founder and CEO.
#414
⇓
- Okay.
#415
⇓
- Okay, and he told her they were being acquired, but--
#416
⇓
- But he lied to his wife.
#417
⇓
- [snaps fingers] Turns out, I'm not that smart.
#418
⇓
So maybe you wanna find yourself a new partner.
#419
⇓
- No. No, no, no, no.
#420
⇓
You believed it because she believed it.
#421
⇓
And he needed her to believe that he wasn't a loser.
#422
⇓
Otherwise--
#423
⇓
- He might start to believe he was one.
#424
⇓
- Fear of humiliation-- it's behind every little lie.
#425
⇓
- But also, I wanted to believe it.
#426
⇓
Everyone spins, even to themselves.
#427
⇓
- You shouldn't have boxed me out.
#428
⇓
- [scoffs] - So what? You lost some money.
#429
⇓
Don't box me out.
#430
⇓
- Well, they're likely filing for Chapter 11 any day now,
#431
⇓
so you should probably short it.
#432
⇓
You're welcome.
#433
⇓
[mischievous music]
#434
⇓
[sighs]
#435
⇓
♪ ♪
#436
⇓
[keyboard clacking]
#437
⇓
♪ ♪
#438
⇓
- Ooh, smells like jerky and ass in here, guys.
#439
⇓
Listen, I be done with vests.
#440
⇓
I am de-vesting.
#441
⇓
No more founder-core for this maverick man here.
#442
⇓
So who wants a vest?
#443
⇓
Too hot for indoors, not warm enough for outdoors.
#444
⇓
But I'm telling you, instant credibility.
#445
⇓
- Can't tie a vest around your waist.
#446
⇓
- Screw you, okay? Try layering without bulk.
#447
⇓
Um, okay, tell me, buzz factor?
#448
⇓
- Yeah, we dropped the PINATA subscription model on a thread
#449
⇓
for sleepless, sexless tech bros,
#450
⇓
and within 37 seconds, they were drooling.
#451
⇓
Like, posting pics of literal drool.
#452
⇓
- Literally drooling. We're a hit.
#453
⇓
- Then they grokked to the notion
#454
⇓
that they can be doxed too.
#455
⇓
- Fear and loathing--that's what makes the world go round.
#456
⇓
- Well, when everyone can see everybody's everything
#457
⇓
and it is our fault, I--I-- we're gonna get burned alive.
#458
⇓
- No, we will make a splash, and then we'll be wet.
#459
⇓
- What?
#460
⇓
- Hey, buck up.
#461
⇓
Guys, listen, everyone.
#462
⇓
We are truth tellers.
#463
⇓
- Truth tellers historically get burned alive.
#464
⇓
- Listen, let's just nail this next piece, right?
#465
⇓
And I will get you the best, most perfect antidepressant
#466
⇓
tailored just for you.
#467
⇓
I promise.
#468
⇓
Now, did you find the guy with the treasure trove?
#469
⇓
- Yup.
#470
⇓
Uh, he is at a Zen temple in Santa Clara.
#471
⇓
- Zentastic.
#472
⇓
Okay, send it to me at my car.
#473
⇓
- Hey! - Hey.
#474
⇓
Hey, uh, I'm sorry, I gotta go. Sorry.
#475
⇓
- Okay, okay, so tomorrow night is the dress rehearsal
#476
⇓
for Saturday's Winter Gala.
#477
⇓
For Las Altas, the fundraiser?
#478
⇓
They have an invited dress rehearsal
#479
⇓
for the kids' presentation,
#480
⇓
and Jamie's getting a special, um...
#481
⇓
- Nice. Great. - Thing.
#482
⇓
Yeah, as one of the athletes.
#483
⇓
Anyway, I can't go, and she wants one of us there,
#484
⇓
so that leaves...
#485
⇓
- Thelma.
#486
⇓
- You.
#487
⇓
- No, she loves Thelma. - Please.
#488
⇓
- And Thelma will like it.
#489
⇓
It'll make her feel part of the family.
#490
⇓
Just send her.
#491
⇓
[chuckling] Feel like--do you--
#492
⇓
- What, to get her to come to Fiji for Christmas?
#493
⇓
- Yeah! You're gonna be part of the family.
#494
⇓
You thought--you thought the villa came with servants.
#495
⇓
- I still think about that.
#496
⇓
Then we gave her that bracelet as a Christmas present.
#497
⇓
- Yeah.
#498
⇓
- She still wears it all the time.
#499
⇓
If she ever gets it appraised--
#500
⇓
I think it's pewter.
#501
⇓
- I told you to give her the taffy.
#502
⇓
- I have a whole speech ready.
#503
⇓
I'm blaming it on an Israeli jeweler.
#504
⇓
- Oh, well, I got your back.
#505
⇓
- So... - Yes.
#506
⇓
- The rehearsal.
#507
⇓
- Why can't you go?
#508
⇓
- I was stripped of my presidency.
#509
⇓
The board's gonna be there. - Right, right.
#510
⇓
- Beatrice. Pippa Tang.
#511
⇓
- Yes, right, I will go.
#512
⇓
I will sit through an evening of kids
#513
⇓
being praised for things they'll
#514
⇓
never do professionally.
#515
⇓
- You get so close to being a person,
#516
⇓
and then...
#517
⇓
- This is the shape I come in.
#518
⇓
- All right. - Yeah.
#519
⇓
- Okay.
#520
⇓
[pensive classical music]
#521
⇓
♪ ♪
#522
⇓
- Is--nope. It--
#523
⇓
[muttering indistinctly]
#524
⇓
[singers vocalizing]
#525
⇓
♪ ♪
#526
⇓
- [sighs]
#527
⇓
♪ ♪
#528
⇓
Mm.
#529
⇓
♪ ♪
#530
⇓
- [chuckles]
#531
⇓
You know, it just seems like a guy could just...
#532
⇓
you know. [chuckles]
#533
⇓
- That's not the, um--
#534
⇓
- Sorry, not what?
#535
⇓
- Uh, it's...not supposed to do it like that, but.
#536
⇓
- Oh, yeah. And yet I'm here, you know?
#537
⇓
Who said shortcuts don't work?
#538
⇓
[chuckles] It's Murphy, right?
#539
⇓
Our--our daughters are on Las Altas soccer together.
#540
⇓
- Oh, okay.
#541
⇓
But, um, there's no talking in here, so...
#542
⇓
- And yet here I am again, making mouth noises.
#543
⇓
I actually came here to talk to you, to commune with you.
#544
⇓
Murphy, I've been looking for you for ages
#545
⇓
before I even knew your name.
#546
⇓
- Can we do whatever this is after or--
#547
⇓
- Listen, I get it.
#548
⇓
You have decisions on your--your mind.
#549
⇓
Right? You're the--the CEO of MyXY?
#550
⇓
"Mixy."
#551
⇓
Otherwise, it sounds like "my ex-wife,"
#552
⇓
and Carol's not that--not yet.
#553
⇓
- Is this some kind of a ambush or something?
#554
⇓
Because I do not appreciate you coming and trying to--
#555
⇓
- Sure, sure, sure, sure.
#556
⇓
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
#557
⇓
But, uh, I did hear Univee left you high and dry,
#558
⇓
and no one wants to touch you or your company.
#559
⇓
You're in the wilderness, all alone,
#560
⇓
lost in a maze, just wrestling angels and shit.
#561
⇓
- How do you know about Univee?
#562
⇓
- You hit the market with an outstanding product.
#563
⇓
You--you filled a real need.
#564
⇓
Uh, you know, you make people feel whole.
#565
⇓
And now you're here going, wait, what--what have I done?
#566
⇓
I got half the country to spit in a jar and pay me for it.
#567
⇓
And now I have everyone's DNA, but my subs are in the tank,
#568
⇓
and--and Univee doesn't want me.
#569
⇓
I--I--
#570
⇓
I--I--mean, I'm staring down bankruptcy and lawsuits,
#571
⇓
and no one wants to touch me because I didn't treat
#572
⇓
the data like medical records.
#573
⇓
I--I thought everyone would love this, but it's toxic.
#574
⇓
[sighs]
#575
⇓
Sound about right?
#576
⇓
- Our daughters, what, play soccer together?
#577
⇓
- Ye--yes.
#578
⇓
- Tia didn't tell your girl all that.
#579
⇓
I mean, she doesn't--
#580
⇓
she doesn't know my business.
#581
⇓
- No. No, she doesn't, but I know.
#582
⇓
I am the first.
#583
⇓
Won't be the last, including Tia.
#584
⇓
And, Murphy, it's gonna get worse and worse.
#585
⇓
But I have a path,
#586
⇓
and one not as labryinthical as this one.
#587
⇓
Do you wanna hear my path?
#588
⇓
[singers vocalizing]
#589
⇓
[pensive music]
#590
⇓
- Yeah.
#591
⇓
♪ ♪
#592
⇓
- Well, you gotta come here to hear it.
#593
⇓
Come on.
#594
⇓
♪ ♪
#595
⇓
Oh! [chuckles]
#596
⇓
Shh.
#597
⇓
♪ ♪
#598
⇓
- It's absurd.
#599
⇓
My whole career rides on this product.
#600
⇓
I--I led it.
#601
⇓
I--I merged two technologies.
#602
⇓
It's our growth engine.
#603
⇓
And in two days, I'm the face of it,
#604
⇓
doing the Valley classic--
#605
⇓
earpiece, pantsuit, electro music, LED display.
#606
⇓
And yet it all comes down to whether my husband
#607
⇓
will stop having a massive sulk
#608
⇓
and do what's needed for the project.
#609
⇓
- Uh, which is?
#610
⇓
- Aging up his robot child to be a useful member of society
#611
⇓
faster than he wants to.
#612
⇓
Still practically breastfeeding the little flat bastard.
#613
⇓
- And if Martin doesn't...
#614
⇓
age it up?
#615
⇓
- Fair chance it'll do some bad bot behavior
#616
⇓
to tank the presentation.
#617
⇓
Call me Anus Hookah. - Huh.
#618
⇓
- Get revenge for beating him up.
#619
⇓
Embarrass me in front of the VCs,
#620
⇓
Wall Street, the press.
#621
⇓
[sighs] Shit.
#622
⇓
I should back out until we have it down.
#623
⇓
- No, Anushka. Stop it.
#624
⇓
You do what you need to do to make your company a success.
#625
⇓
There will always be obstacles,
#626
⇓
but you are a leader.
#627
⇓
So lead.
#628
⇓
Be a woman in charge.
#629
⇓
- [sighs]
#630
⇓
- Steam that pantsuit.
#631
⇓
[frenetic music]
#632
⇓
♪ ♪
#633
⇓
[sighs]
#634
⇓
♪ ♪
#635
⇓
[school bell rings]
#636
⇓
[gentle piano music]
#637
⇓
♪ ♪
#638
⇓
[indistinct chatter]
#639
⇓
♪ ♪
#640
⇓
- Orson, let's go.
#641
⇓
♪
#642
⇓
- Gare! - Office!
#643
⇓
- Oh, my God, we're gonna be late.
#644
⇓
You're coming, right?
#645
⇓
- Uh, I was thinking not.
#646
⇓
- Oh, come on.
#647
⇓
I mean, it could be nice, you know, to support him.
#648
⇓
I mean, you don't have to go.
#649
⇓
- I was thinking the 500 a pop for the actual gala
#650
⇓
gets me out of the dress rehearsal.
#651
⇓
- Fine.
#652
⇓
I'll go alone.
#653
⇓
[door slams]
#654
⇓
[orchestra tuning up] - [muttering indistinctly]
#655
⇓
- [sighs]
#656
⇓
Okay. [sighs]
#657
⇓
All right, everyone, everyone, let's get this night started.
#658
⇓
[laughs] Hi.
#659
⇓
So I did get your email.
#660
⇓
- All right. - I'll--yeah.
#661
⇓
Ah!
#662
⇓
Good evening, everyone.
#663
⇓
Thanks for coming out on a Thursday night
#664
⇓
for our dress rehearsal.
#665
⇓
Only two more days till the Winter Gala.
#666
⇓
Uh, I wanna especially thank Pippa Tang,
#667
⇓
who will be our guest of honor Saturday night.
#668
⇓
So do enjoy the Pippatinis,
#669
⇓
the evening's signature cocktail.
#670
⇓
Her gift of a new stadium, Tang Field,
#671
⇓
will benefit some of our athlete scholars.
#672
⇓
Let's bring them out.
#673
⇓
Uh, athletes, assemble, please.
#674
⇓
Curtis Loomis... [applause]
#675
⇓
Jamison Park-Hoffsteader... - Jingle Jam, let's go!
#676
⇓
- Mary Karl, Matt Vitale, and Janice O'Rourke.
#677
⇓
Everyone, thank you.
#678
⇓
And now I'd like to invite Las Altas'
#679
⇓
musical director, Bruce Phillips,
#680
⇓
who will be conducting our orchestra.
#681
⇓
Bruce.
#682
⇓
[applause]
#683
⇓
["The Sorcerer's Apprentice" playing]
#684
⇓
[items clattering]
#685
⇓
♪
#686
⇓
[items clattering] - Ah!
#687
⇓
♪ ♪
#688
⇓
♪ ♪
#689
⇓
[sighs]
#690
⇓
♪
#691
⇓
- [whispering] Scooch over.
#692
⇓
Just scooch over. - Yeah.
#693
⇓
♪ ♪
#694
⇓
- Not now, Duncan. I am serious.
#695
⇓
- Yeah, listen. Listen.
#696
⇓
I just thought you might wanna know I bought it up--
#697
⇓
MyXY.
#698
⇓
- I told you to short it.
#699
⇓
- No, no, no, no, no.
#700
⇓
I bought the company.
#701
⇓
Yeah.
#702
⇓
All that DNA, it's mine-- and 20% below market price.
#703
⇓
The ABCs of millions.
#704
⇓
♪ ♪
#705
⇓
And for each one of them,
#706
⇓
maybe five, ten,
#707
⇓
maybe even more of their bloodline,
#708
⇓
so we're talking human assets in the hundreds of millions--
#709
⇓
maybe even the billions, right?
#710
⇓
I came to you for any old tip, to be honest.
#711
⇓
I--I was feeling a little left out.
#712
⇓
But yeah, I hit the data mother lode.
#713
⇓
♪
#714
⇓
So thank you.
#715
⇓
Thank you. Seriously, thank you.
#716
⇓
Just thank you.
#717
⇓
[applause]
#718
⇓
- Can I have your attention, please?
#719
⇓
Can everybody gather round?
#720
⇓
I have here in my hands
#721
⇓
our last file.
#722
⇓
Staff Sergeant Rodriguez, Jaime,
#723
⇓
U.S. Army, 75th Rangers.
#724
⇓
[cheers and applause]
#725
⇓
[scanner whirring]
#726
⇓
- Mind if I have a chat with that man you married?
#727
⇓
Tell me where to press.
#728
⇓
I'll make him pop.
#729
⇓
[scanner whirs, beeps]
#730
⇓
- Got him. - Got him!
#731
⇓
Ladies and gentlemen, heroic work!
#732
⇓
Everybody, I mean that. - Howdy.
#733
⇓
- Oh, hi.
#734
⇓
- I was hoping you could help me understand something.
#735
⇓
[muffled speech]
#736
⇓
Why is Xander a teenager?
#737
⇓
- He was designed to help teens.
#738
⇓
- Yeah, but he's-- he's a teenager.
#739
⇓
- Mm.
#740
⇓
- Teenagers aren't really good at helping
#741
⇓
anybody with anything.
#742
⇓
- Boys and girls, after 40 days and nights,
#743
⇓
data collection is complete.
#744
⇓
We are 100% ingested!
#745
⇓
[cheers and applause]
#746
⇓
- What were you like when you were 15?
#747
⇓
- Me? I...
#748
⇓
went to college early,
#749
⇓
never really got to be a teenager.
#750
⇓
- I thought I recognized a fellow...
#751
⇓
tortured prodigy.
#752
⇓
I was 14. [liquid pouring]
#753
⇓
Georgia Tech.
#754
⇓
Man, they hated me there.
#755
⇓
Ever heard of a wedgie royale with cheese?
#756
⇓
- At Stanford, they were-- they used to, um,
#757
⇓
lock me overnight in a cage in the primate lab.
#758
⇓
- Yeah, well, when the nerds realize
#759
⇓
they can be the bullies, look out.
#760
⇓
Did they teach you how to drink at Stanford?
#761
⇓
[glasses clink]
#762
⇓
[slurps]
#763
⇓
You know, if Xander's anything like we were at that age,
#764
⇓
he's been thrown into something that he can't beat.
#765
⇓
'Cause when...Xander is talking to people that have...
#766
⇓
seen war...
#767
⇓
what other choice does he have but to fake it?
#768
⇓
- So?
#769
⇓
- You're a very smart dude.
#770
⇓
And I don't need to tell you what you already know.
#771
⇓
- We have absorbed them.
#772
⇓
With Gnodin, we're gonna watch over them.
#773
⇓
And with Xander, hopefully, we're gonna help them.
#774
⇓
The loop is closed.
#775
⇓
You should be proud of yourselves!
#776
⇓
[cheers and applause]
#777
⇓
[dramatic music]
#778
⇓
- Hello, Martin.
#779
⇓
- Hello, Xander.
#780
⇓
How would you feel about going on a journey?
#781
⇓
It will be yours to take.
#782
⇓
I won't really even know where you go.
#783
⇓
- Is that what you want?
#784
⇓
♪ ♪
#785
⇓
- [sighs]
#786
⇓
- I think I prefer we don't go on a journey.
#787
⇓
[power whirs down]
#788
⇓
[power whirs up]
#789
⇓
♪ ♪
#790
⇓
- ♪ When you the best, you ain't even gotta flex ♪
#791
⇓
♪ When you made it to the top and you didn't break a sweat ♪
#792
⇓
- Right punch from the side.
#793
⇓
Do a block and a parry.
#794
⇓
Grab his neck, snap!
#795
⇓
- [chuckles] What's up?
#796
⇓
- The death technique.
#797
⇓
- Come on. Come at me.
#798
⇓
[imitating blows landing]
#799
⇓
- Reach to the side, grab his head,
#800
⇓
knee to the groin.
#801
⇓
- Oh, yeah, I just--
#802
⇓
I thought I'd try out a new hairstyle, so...
#803
⇓
Uh, oh, you like it? Wow. Thanks.
#804
⇓
Yeah!
#805
⇓
[imitating blows landing]
#806
⇓
[door creaks]
#807
⇓
[glass clinking]
#808
⇓
- [sighs]
#809
⇓
Orson, we need to talk.
#810
⇓
Now.
#811
⇓
So, first of all, you owe me $4,000.
#812
⇓
They send a summary every month of what your credit card did.
#813
⇓
Yeah, so you should know
#814
⇓
that credit card theft is a crime,
#815
⇓
like a "you go to juvie for stealing" crime.
#816
⇓
So you're gonna pay me back in installments.
#817
⇓
But if you ever steal from me or your mother again,
#818
⇓
then you're on your own.
#819
⇓
Understood?
#820
⇓
Okay, secondly, tincture here, now.
#821
⇓
- I needed it.
#822
⇓
I--I still need it. - Orson.
#823
⇓
- And you guys-- - Put it on the desk, now.
#824
⇓
Okay, thirdly...
#825
⇓
I owe you an apology.
#826
⇓
The nutritionist I took you to was giving you
#827
⇓
massive doses of steroids.
#828
⇓
Um, I have the lab reports,
#829
⇓
but paranoia, aggression, impulse control issues,
#830
⇓
those are all side effects.
#831
⇓
And I have reported Sorrel to the authorities,
#832
⇓
but it's on me for taking you to her
#833
⇓
and not properly interrogating what she was giving to you.
#834
⇓
I am sorry.
#835
⇓
- Nothing else worked.
#836
⇓
- And heroin works great for anxiety, but no.
#837
⇓
- Uh, okay, what-- what if we, um--
#838
⇓
what if we go a little slower?
#839
⇓
Like, uh, the tincture, just less of it?
#840
⇓
- No.
#841
⇓
So I'm gonna write you a prescription
#842
⇓
which is going to wean you off the steroids
#843
⇓
without throwing your whole hormonal system out of whack.
#844
⇓
- Come on, Gary. I'm sorry I pushed you.
#845
⇓
Just give me-- give me the tincture.
#846
⇓
- No. - Yes!
#847
⇓
Give me the tincture!
#848
⇓
It's a little late to be growing a spine!
#849
⇓
- Not happening.
#850
⇓
- Yes, happening, now, Gary.
#851
⇓
- It's not happening, Orson. - Give me the tincture.
#852
⇓
- No. - Tinc me, cuck!
#853
⇓
- No.
#854
⇓
- [sighs]
#855
⇓
[dramatic string music]
#856
⇓
♪ ♪
#857
⇓
- It's godlike, you know, warping space and time for him.
#858
⇓
Even God never did what you're doing.
#859
⇓
- Didn't he kill his son?
#860
⇓
- But he brought him back.
#861
⇓
♪
#862
⇓
- Yeah, uh, how'd you hear about it?
#863
⇓
Yes, we have been kicking dust up on the threads.
#864
⇓
Well, off the record, Nena?
#865
⇓
Yes?
#866
⇓
Okay, then, yeah, it's mine. Yeah.
#867
⇓
MyXY is mine and all its property.
#868
⇓
No. No, my company.
#869
⇓
No, it--PINATA. PINATA.
#870
⇓
It rhymes with "your mama." Ye--
#871
⇓
Main stage.
#872
⇓
Yeah, I think--I think we could do something there.
#873
⇓
I think we could do-- yeah, yeah.
#874
⇓
How about a demo?
#875
⇓
Great.
#876
⇓
Yeah, looking forward to it, then.
#877
⇓
Yes.
#878
⇓
It's always a pleasure talking to you, Nena.
#879
⇓
Yeah. [chuckles]
#880
⇓
See you then.
#881
⇓
[chuckles]
#882
⇓
[clears throat]
#883
⇓
Okay, uh... [sighs]
#884
⇓
Ready or not, Nena Marx is interviewing Duncan Park
#885
⇓
for WatchCode Forum.
#886
⇓
And we're giving a demo.
#887
⇓
- Should be well-attended.
#888
⇓
- Yeah.
#889
⇓
- What are you gonna say?
#890
⇓
- Well, maybe we review our options.
#891
⇓
A, B, C, go.
#892
⇓
Go.
#893
⇓
- Oh, uh, A, weaponize the user base, right?
#894
⇓
Expose all secrets, ruin careers,
#895
⇓
break up families.
#896
⇓
Make the world an even worse place
#897
⇓
while we go full goblin mode on the profits,
#898
⇓
fueled by a cycle of fear and revenge.
#899
⇓
- Weaponize, I like it. B, B, what have we got?
#900
⇓
- Teach everyone a valuable lesson somehow.
#901
⇓
- [blows raspberry] Teach.
#902
⇓
Um, C. Go.
#903
⇓
- Pull back the curtain on the whole tech oligarchy.
#904
⇓
We disrupt data as its profit center.
#905
⇓
Probably die trying, but no empire lasts forever.
#906
⇓
I like C, which is basically B but with guillotines.
#907
⇓
[chuckles]
#908
⇓
But A, godlike power and money, that's kind of the objective.
#909
⇓
What are you thinking?
#910
⇓
- Just running all simulations of the audience's responses
#911
⇓
in my head.
#912
⇓
And all end with me being violently disemboweled.
#913
⇓
- I can see that.
#914
⇓
- [sighs] Yeah.
#915
⇓
Yeah.
#916
⇓
♪ ♪
#917
⇓
Keep going, keep going, keep going.
#918
⇓
Duck, weave, breathe.
#919
⇓
♪ ♪
#920
⇓
Fuck.
#921
⇓
♪ ♪
#922
⇓
[whispering] You awake?
#923
⇓
Oh, sorry. - What?
#924
⇓
- You were having a bad dream.
#925
⇓
- What, Duncan?
#926
⇓
- So I went to, um... - Yeah. [sighs]
#927
⇓
- The rehearsal thingy. - Okay, thanks.
#928
⇓
- Jamison looked great. - [sighs]
#929
⇓
- But before you close your eyes--
#930
⇓
hey, before you go to bed...
#931
⇓
- Yeah.
#932
⇓
- Are we getting a divorce?
#933
⇓
- Duncan, what?
#934
⇓
- Just, uh, you know, if we're not getting divorced,
#935
⇓
I just wanna tell you, I just feel like I'm racing this car,
#936
⇓
and everyone in the crowd is cheering for me to crash,
#937
⇓
and I can't even drive stick.
#938
⇓
- Can we talk about it tomorrow?
#939
⇓
- No.
#940
⇓
Because if we do get a divorce, I'm gonna be too vulnerable
#941
⇓
and judged to share, so--
#942
⇓
- Duncan.
#943
⇓
[phone buzzing]
#944
⇓
- [sighs] It's Cupertino.
#945
⇓
- Take it.
#946
⇓
- Just a power couple kiss.
#947
⇓
Please.
#948
⇓
Please. It's ringing. It's ringing.
#949
⇓
[buzzing continues]
#950
⇓
Thank you. Thank you.
#951
⇓
[grunts]
#952
⇓
Hey, uh, Duncan Park here.
#953
⇓
Hey. - DP.
#954
⇓
It's Tim Kwan at Cupertino.
#955
⇓
- Lil' Tim, Tim, Tim.
#956
⇓
[sighs] I thought I gave you this number
#957
⇓
only for emergencies and acquisition offers.
#958
⇓
- [laughs] Well, this is a bit of an emergency, I guess.
#959
⇓
Uh, we heard your new company bought MyXY.
#960
⇓
And I see that Nena's got you up on the big-boy stage
#961
⇓
on Saturday.
#962
⇓
- I could probably comp you a ticket.
#963
⇓
- [laughs]
#964
⇓
So we're just sort of gaming out
#965
⇓
what you might be thinking here.
#966
⇓
- A game about the way I think?
#967
⇓
I--I wanna play that game.
#968
⇓
I wonder--I wonder if I'll be any good at it, huh?
#969
⇓
[chuckles] I'd probably overthink it.
#970
⇓
- Well, before you hit the stage on Saturday,
#971
⇓
we thought it'd be a great idea if you stopped by HQ,
#972
⇓
say, 10:00 a.m. tomorrow.
#973
⇓
We can give some input.
#974
⇓
- Input, input. Wow.
#975
⇓
Wow, that is a nice and batshit offer,
#976
⇓
but thank you for your consideration,
#977
⇓
and I guess I'll see you Saturday.
#978
⇓
You--you guys, uh,
#979
⇓
have a new phone or something you're sharing?
#980
⇓
- Sorry if I wasn't being super clear.
#981
⇓
- No, I think you were.
#982
⇓
- But, uh, you are inviting a pushback
#983
⇓
that is going to feel like the wrath of God--
#984
⇓
several gods, in fact.
#985
⇓
Gods that don't typically like each other or work together
#986
⇓
will all be uniting on God Mountain against you.
#987
⇓
You don't want that.
#988
⇓
- 10:00 a.m.?
#989
⇓
- Sounds good.
#990
⇓
- Yeah, I'm busy.
#991
⇓
Bye.
#992
⇓
- [scoffs]
#993
⇓
[phone clatters]
#994
⇓
[tense music]
#995
⇓
- [sighs]
#996
⇓
[computer blipping]
#997
⇓
[ding]
#998
⇓
[power whirs down]
#999
⇓
[power whirs up]
#1000
⇓
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