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Season 5, Episode 24 — My Transition
It's springtime at Sacred Heart,
#1
⇓
and the whole hospital had that end-of-the-year smell.
#2
⇓
and the whole hospital had that end-of-the-year smell.
#3
⇓
Gloria, I need you to change the dressing on Mr Kerns' wound.
#4
⇓
Gloria, I need you to change the dressing on Mr Kerns' wound.
#5
⇓
And I need you to suck it.
#6
⇓
And I need you to suck it.
#7
⇓
Wow, Gloria.
#8
⇓
Do you kiss your great-great-great-great-great
#9
⇓
Do you kiss your great-great-great-great-great
#10
⇓
grandkids with that mouth?
#11
⇓
Zoom-zoom-zoom.
#12
⇓
Zoom-zoom-zoom.
#13
⇓
Ted, that's funny. Where's the chuckle?
#14
⇓
- The bank foreclosed on my house. - Where's your mom?
#15
⇓
- The bank foreclosed on my house. - Where's your mom?
#16
⇓
She's out in the car with the cats.
#17
⇓
She's out in the car with the cats.
#18
⇓
Dr Kelso celebrated spring by wearing his golf shorts
#19
⇓
to flaunt his oddly youthful legs.
#20
⇓
Take them in, people.
#21
⇓
Take them in, people.
#22
⇓
I shaved for you.
#23
⇓
Tell your Daddy what you just did.
#24
⇓
Tell your Daddy what you just did.
#25
⇓
You know, son, as a doctor,
#26
⇓
I spend a lot of my day dealing with other people's poop.
#27
⇓
And I'm not going to lie to you, Jackie, it gets old.
#28
⇓
And I'm not going to lie to you, Jackie, it gets old.
#29
⇓
Now that's, that's not to say that
#30
⇓
Now that's, that's not to say that
#31
⇓
I haven't enjoyed the last three years
#32
⇓
of waking up to a fresh brown trout in your Huggies.
#33
⇓
of waking up to a fresh brown trout in your Huggies.
#34
⇓
Besides, you're gonna do the same thing for me
#35
⇓
some day real soon.
#36
⇓
some day real soon.
#37
⇓
And yet, aside from actually seeing you being born
#38
⇓
And yet, aside from actually seeing you being born
#39
⇓
and that time Wayne Gretzky said,
#40
⇓
"What's up" to me in line at the bank,
#41
⇓
you out of diapers
#42
⇓
you out of diapers
#43
⇓
is the best thing that's ever happened.
#44
⇓
It truly is.
#45
⇓
It truly is.
#46
⇓
Now why don't you go into your room
#47
⇓
and play for a little while
#48
⇓
because we're going to celebrate grown-up style.
#49
⇓
because we're going to celebrate grown-up style.
#50
⇓
All right, get this over with. I need a nap.
#51
⇓
All right, get this over with. I need a nap.
#52
⇓
I've been exhausted all week.
#53
⇓
No kissing. Hands behind your back.
#54
⇓
No kissing. Hands behind your back.
#55
⇓
Let's go.
#56
⇓
Yep, love was definitely in the air.
#57
⇓
Yep, love was definitely in the air.
#58
⇓
Hey, Kim.
#59
⇓
How'd you like a night on the town
#60
⇓
How'd you like a night on the town
#61
⇓
with the hottest doctor in this place?
#62
⇓
I'd rather just go out with you.
#63
⇓
I'd rather just go out with you.
#64
⇓
Zoom-zoom-zoom.
#65
⇓
You zoom-zoom-zoom?
#66
⇓
You zoom-zoom-zoom?
#67
⇓
Of course. I invented the zoom-zoom-zoom.
#68
⇓
Oh. Cool.
#69
⇓
Oh. Cool.
#70
⇓
Liar!
#71
⇓
So, Josh, you are suffering from a condition called phimosis.
#72
⇓
So, Josh, you are suffering from a condition called phimosis.
#73
⇓
It's basically a hardening of your foreskin.
#74
⇓
It's basically a hardening of your foreskin.
#75
⇓
As part of your treatment,
#76
⇓
I'm asking you to masturbate five times a week.
#77
⇓
I'm asking you to masturbate five times a week.
#78
⇓
Help the poor kid out.
#79
⇓
Wow, five times a week, huh?
#80
⇓
Wow, five times a week, huh?
#81
⇓
For me that would be cutting back.
#82
⇓
He said in front of his future girlfriend.
#83
⇓
He said in front of his future girlfriend.
#84
⇓
You know what?
#85
⇓
You know what?
#86
⇓
I should probably mosey.
#87
⇓
Looking forward to our date.
#88
⇓
Looking forward to our date.
#89
⇓
See you around six. Wear something slutty.
#90
⇓
Zoom-zoom-zoom!
#91
⇓
Zoom-zoom-zoom!
#92
⇓
That's mine.
#93
⇓
# I can't do this all on my own
#94
⇓
# I can't do this all on my own
#95
⇓
# No, I know I'm no Superman
#96
⇓
# No, I know I'm no Superman
#97
⇓
# I'm no Superman. #
#98
⇓
Oh. You like that?
#99
⇓
Oh. You like that?
#100
⇓
Wow, I felt it move.
#101
⇓
Todd, you're touching your crotch.
#102
⇓
Todd, you're touching your crotch.
#103
⇓
I know. And I'm loving it.
#104
⇓
Hey, tubby.
#105
⇓
J.D., come here. I want you to feel something quick.
#106
⇓
Ow!
#107
⇓
Ow!
#108
⇓
Don't call me tubby.
#109
⇓
Don't call me tubby.
#110
⇓
Pregnant witch.
#111
⇓
Hey. There's Kim.
#112
⇓
She and Elliot bonded over
#113
⇓
She and Elliot bonded over
#114
⇓
an ability to communicate at a speed of light.
#115
⇓
(BOTH SPEAK TOO QUICKLY TO UNDERSTAND)
#116
⇓
(BOTH SPEAK TOO QUICKLY TO UNDERSTAND)
#117
⇓
You'd have to slow it down for humans to understand.
#118
⇓
You'd have to slow it down for humans to understand.
#119
⇓
The shower's going to start at 4.00, there's going to be food and games.
#120
⇓
The shower's going to start at 4.00, there's going to be food and games.
#121
⇓
You're such a good friend.
#122
⇓
You're such a good friend.
#123
⇓
I got her a present, but since we're not close
#124
⇓
I'm just going home to get ready for my date.
#125
⇓
I'm just going home to get ready for my date.
#126
⇓
Oh.
#127
⇓
Hey, you. I'm psyched for tonight.
#128
⇓
Hey, you. I'm psyched for tonight.
#129
⇓
Best thing about a date with J.D.,
#130
⇓
if you're having Chinese and want Mexican,
#131
⇓
if you're having Chinese and want Mexican,
#132
⇓
you walk to the other side of the food court.
#133
⇓
We are not going to the mall, Elliot.
#134
⇓
We are not going to the mall, Elliot.
#135
⇓
I was making you dinner, then go to karaoke,
#136
⇓
I was making you dinner, then go to karaoke,
#137
⇓
but I'm not sure how to do both in the same night.
#138
⇓
Unless, of course...
#139
⇓
Unless, of course...
#140
⇓
J.D. Not Floating Head Doctor.
#141
⇓
Too late. I'm already there.
#142
⇓
Too late. I'm already there.
#143
⇓
Body could stay home and prepare the feast.
#144
⇓
Body could stay home and prepare the feast.
#145
⇓
And as always...
#146
⇓
Head would handle entertainment.
#147
⇓
Head would handle entertainment.
#148
⇓
Head would handle entertainment.
#149
⇓
# Don't go breaking my heart
#150
⇓
# I couldn't if I tried
#151
⇓
# I couldn't if I tried
#152
⇓
# Oh, honey if I get restless... #
#153
⇓
# Oh, honey if I get restless... #
#154
⇓
Stop hogging the mic!
#155
⇓
Stop hogging the mic!
#156
⇓
Body, come!
#157
⇓
Stupid body.
#158
⇓
I gotta do everything myself.
#159
⇓
I gotta do everything myself.
#160
⇓
# Ooh-hoo, nobody knows it... #
#161
⇓
# Ooh-hoo, nobody knows it... #
#162
⇓
Clap with me, clap with me!
#163
⇓
Clap with me, clap with me!
#164
⇓
# Nobody knows... #
#165
⇓
Head loves karaoke.
#166
⇓
Head loves karaoke.
#167
⇓
I'm up for anything.
#168
⇓
I married my high school boyfriend,
#169
⇓
I married my high school boyfriend,
#170
⇓
the only first date I went on was in tenth grade.
#171
⇓
It began with me in the back of his Miata
#172
⇓
It began with me in the back of his Miata
#173
⇓
because his friend called shotgun
#174
⇓
and ended with us going to the arcade to, and I quote,
#175
⇓
and ended with us going to the arcade to, and I quote,
#176
⇓
"Eat pizza and beat up nerds."
#177
⇓
And I married that guy.
#178
⇓
And I married that guy.
#179
⇓
Well, trust me, Kim.
#180
⇓
I've beaten up many a nerds in my day,
#181
⇓
I've beaten up many a nerds in my day,
#182
⇓
but tonight's about you having the best first date ever.
#183
⇓
All right, slugger.
#184
⇓
All right, slugger.
#185
⇓
Bye!
#186
⇓
Bye!
#187
⇓
You don't have anything planned.
#188
⇓
You had to soil the food court thing.
#189
⇓
It's veal piccata night at Sbarro's.
#190
⇓
I'd help, but I'm planning a baby shower for Carla.
#191
⇓
I'd help, but I'm planning a baby shower for Carla.
#192
⇓
I am going to make this cafeteria look totally different.
#193
⇓
I am going to make this cafeteria look totally different.
#194
⇓
# Baby, baby
#195
⇓
# Baby, oooh
#196
⇓
# I want my baby back, baby back
#197
⇓
# Baby back, baby back Baby back, baby back, baby back
#198
⇓
# Baby back, baby back Baby back, baby back, baby back
#199
⇓
# - I want my baby back, baby back, # - Chili's
#200
⇓
# Baby back ribs
#201
⇓
# Baby back ribs
#202
⇓
# - I want my baby back ribs # - Barbecue sauce
#203
⇓
# - I want my baby back, baby back # - Chili's... #
#204
⇓
Ted, what the hell?
#205
⇓
Ted, what the hell?
#206
⇓
It's the only song we know with "baby."
#207
⇓
I want my money back.
#208
⇓
I want my money back.
#209
⇓
What money?
#210
⇓
What? I lost my house. Give me a break.
#211
⇓
What? I lost my house. Give me a break.
#212
⇓
Fun, right?
#213
⇓
No one is mingling.
#214
⇓
No one is mingling.
#215
⇓
Why are the morgue guys so damn cliquey?
#216
⇓
I want yellow.
#217
⇓
I want yellow.
#218
⇓
I wish I had cool morgue friends.
#219
⇓
Hey guys!
#220
⇓
Laverne, I didn't know you knit.
#221
⇓
Laverne, I didn't know you knit.
#222
⇓
Sure do.
#223
⇓
Mr Roberts doesn't have one pair of store-bought socks.
#224
⇓
I'm gonna knit you a muzzle.
#225
⇓
Those are all from us.
#226
⇓
It's just Jack's old baby crap.
#227
⇓
It's just Jack's old baby crap.
#228
⇓
We're really excited to get rid of all that stuff
#229
⇓
We're really excited to get rid of all that stuff
#230
⇓
and watch you guys suffer
#231
⇓
through the hellish relationship-ruining nightmare
#232
⇓
through the hellish relationship-ruining nightmare
#233
⇓
that is the baby phase.
#234
⇓
- Open something. - Go ahead.
#235
⇓
- Open something. - Go ahead.
#236
⇓
Those are my workout pants.
#237
⇓
Those are my workout pants.
#238
⇓
She's been trying to get rid of those,
#239
⇓
but I'll be honest with you,
#240
⇓
but I'll be honest with you,
#241
⇓
I love them cause they're so comfortable
#242
⇓
and you can get them on quick.
#243
⇓
and you can get them on quick.
#244
⇓
You ain't lying.
#245
⇓
Baby, check it out.
#246
⇓
Baby, check it out.
#247
⇓
Wonderful. Thank you.
#248
⇓
Wonderful. Thank you.
#249
⇓
Why can't we just talk to people?
#250
⇓
Because this is the baby games station.
#251
⇓
Because this is the baby games station.
#252
⇓
Once we start, people will join.
#253
⇓
OK, guess what flavour baby food this is?
#254
⇓
OK, guess what flavour baby food this is?
#255
⇓
- Cab driver feet? - No, Keith, it's turnips!
#256
⇓
You got it wrong, finish the whole jar!
#257
⇓
This is so much fun!
#258
⇓
Where the hell are all your intern friends?
#259
⇓
Listen up, interns.
#260
⇓
Listen up, interns.
#261
⇓
Notice the definition in the upper calf.
#262
⇓
Notice the definition in the upper calf.
#263
⇓
Look at it, damn it!
#264
⇓
See that?
#265
⇓
In 'Nam, the choppers would hover eight feet above my head,
#266
⇓
I'd jump in.
#267
⇓
I'd jump in.
#268
⇓
You should've seen the look on Charlie's face.
#269
⇓
Not the enemy, the pilot, Charlie Ross.
#270
⇓
Not the enemy, the pilot, Charlie Ross.
#271
⇓
Great guy. He didn't make it back.
#272
⇓
Where's the cake?
#273
⇓
Where's the cake?
#274
⇓
Eight feet? I don't believe it.
#275
⇓
Believe that, missy.
#276
⇓
Believe that, missy.
#277
⇓
I have to get ready.
#278
⇓
I want my date with Kim to be perfect.
#279
⇓
What do you think about a romantic horseback ride on the beach?
#280
⇓
What do you think about a romantic horseback ride on the beach?
#281
⇓
Like we did for your birthday?
#282
⇓
Yeah. Except with two horses.
#283
⇓
Yeah. Except with two horses.
#284
⇓
Why not take her to your deck?
#285
⇓
Why not take her to your deck?
#286
⇓
You guys can lie out and look at the stars.
#287
⇓
Unfortunately, I can't.
#288
⇓
Unfortunately, I can't.
#289
⇓
My deck has become sort of a cruising spot
#290
⇓
for older gay gentlemen.
#291
⇓
for older gay gentlemen.
#292
⇓
Get off my porch, you old queens.
#293
⇓
Go! Hey!
#294
⇓
Go! Hey!
#295
⇓
Whose is this? Whose is this?
#296
⇓
Whose is this? Whose is this?
#297
⇓
You find somewhere else to hang out!
#298
⇓
I know for a fact Les Mis is in town!
#299
⇓
I know for a fact Les Mis is in town!
#300
⇓
I tried turning my hose on them, but they liked it.
#301
⇓
I tried turning my hose on them, but they liked it.
#302
⇓
If anything, good luck, buddy.
#303
⇓
If anything, good luck, buddy.
#304
⇓
# Barbecue sauce... #
#305
⇓
I didn't need luck,
#306
⇓
I didn't need luck,
#307
⇓
because this was going to be the most romantic first date ever.
#308
⇓
because this was going to be the most romantic first date ever.
#309
⇓
Your steed, my lady.
#310
⇓
J.D.,
#311
⇓
I've never ridden a horse on a beach before.
#312
⇓
I've never ridden a horse on a beach before.
#313
⇓
And upsie-daisy.
#314
⇓
And upsie-daisy.
#315
⇓
No saddles? You going to be OK riding bareback?
#316
⇓
No saddles? You going to be OK riding bareback?
#317
⇓
No problemo.
#318
⇓
What's so hard about riding bareback?
#319
⇓
(SLOW ROMANTIC MUSIC)
#320
⇓
(SLOW ROMANTIC MUSIC)
#321
⇓
Oh, that was amazing! Wasn't that so much fun?
#322
⇓
Oh yeah. That was awesome.
#323
⇓
Oh yeah. That was awesome.
#324
⇓
Thank you.
#325
⇓
Thank you.
#326
⇓
Is this for when we buy the baby a dog?
#327
⇓
No. It's a baby cage.
#328
⇓
No. It's a baby cage.
#329
⇓
It's a good one, too.
#330
⇓
It's a good one, too.
#331
⇓
When I was a kid, mine didn't have these windows.
#332
⇓
It's perfect.
#333
⇓
It's perfect.
#334
⇓
If you go out for dinner, it's got a water bottle,
#335
⇓
so you throw some cedar chips in there so the baby can poop,
#336
⇓
so you throw some cedar chips in there so the baby can poop,
#337
⇓
you're made in the shade.
#338
⇓
I'm kidding!
#339
⇓
It's for when they buy the baby a, uh, puppy.
#340
⇓
It's for when they buy the baby a, uh, puppy.
#341
⇓
Oh!
#342
⇓
This one's from me and Keith.
#343
⇓
This one's from me and Keith.
#344
⇓
He's here in the bathroom, throwing up summer squash.
#345
⇓
He's here in the bathroom, throwing up summer squash.
#346
⇓
Let's see here.
#347
⇓
It's a preggy-teddy.
#348
⇓
I got it at the new maternity lingerie store at the mall.
#349
⇓
I got it at the new maternity lingerie store at the mall.
#350
⇓
I had a conversation with the sweet lady who owns the place.
#351
⇓
I had a conversation with the sweet lady who owns the place.
#352
⇓
Not many pregnant women shop there. Mostly just fat whores.
#353
⇓
Not many pregnant women shop there. Mostly just fat whores.
#354
⇓
I got to get me one of those.
#355
⇓
Say, Bobbo.
#356
⇓
You want to weigh in on pregnancy sex?
#357
⇓
It's a freak show.
#358
⇓
It's a freak show.
#359
⇓
You've seen an ultrasound.
#360
⇓
They have eyes, they have hands.
#361
⇓
They have eyes, they have hands.
#362
⇓
How do you think they're going to react to an intruder?
#363
⇓
The baby can't grab me down there.
#364
⇓
- The baby can't grab me down there? - No, baby.
#365
⇓
- The baby can't grab me down there? - No, baby.
#366
⇓
I called an ambulance, but you should really let me examine you.
#367
⇓
I called an ambulance, but you should really let me examine you.
#368
⇓
Oh, no, no. The date continues.
#369
⇓
I'm a urologist.
#370
⇓
There's a good chance you have testicular torsion.
#371
⇓
There's a good chance you have testicular torsion.
#372
⇓
In which case, you could lose a testicle.
#373
⇓
Come on. Off with the pants.
#374
⇓
Come on. Off with the pants.
#375
⇓
Looks like my plan is working.
#376
⇓
Looks like my plan is working.
#377
⇓
Detruser function is normal.
#378
⇓
One is significantly larger than the other.
#379
⇓
One is significantly larger than the other.
#380
⇓
Actually, that's a pre-existing condition.
#381
⇓
Actually, that's a pre-existing condition.
#382
⇓
So the right one's always been bigger?
#383
⇓
Yes. Wait.
#384
⇓
Your right or stage right?
#385
⇓
Your right or stage right?
#386
⇓
Let me test the retraction.
#387
⇓
Retracted.
#388
⇓
Retracted.
#389
⇓
OK, the date's not going exactly as planned,
#390
⇓
but you can still save it
#391
⇓
but you can still save it
#392
⇓
with your legendary gift for small-talk.
#393
⇓
So, you're from Texas, huh?
#394
⇓
So, you're from Texas, huh?
#395
⇓
They say that's the Lone Star State.
#396
⇓
They say that's the Lone Star State.
#397
⇓
What exactly does that mean?
#398
⇓
My boobs are so big right now.
#399
⇓
I think Dr Fishman threw in something a little extra
#400
⇓
when he did my chin.
#401
⇓
when he did my chin.
#402
⇓
Would you, would you like to see something really, just, beautiful?
#403
⇓
There goes all of Jackie-boy's baby stuff.
#404
⇓
No, Mom, playpen-baby cage is not like tomato-tomahto.
#405
⇓
No, Mom, playpen-baby cage is not like tomato-tomahto.
#406
⇓
I hope you're not beating yourself up about this.
#407
⇓
I hope you're not beating yourself up about this.
#408
⇓
Sorry, I wanted to do something fun for our first date.
#409
⇓
Sorry, I wanted to do something fun for our first date.
#410
⇓
No, it was so much more fun than, than you think.
#411
⇓
No, it was so much more fun than, than you think.
#412
⇓
I mean, the first seven or eight minutes rocked.
#413
⇓
Admittedly, it was more like work after that.
#414
⇓
Admittedly, it was more like work after that.
#415
⇓
But at least I got to third base with you.
#416
⇓
And there it was.
#417
⇓
And there it was.
#418
⇓
The moment where pity was turning into genuine affection.
#419
⇓
The moment where pity was turning into genuine affection.
#420
⇓
Classic Dorian.
#421
⇓
I feel like we kind of missed first base.
#422
⇓
I feel like we kind of missed first base.
#423
⇓
Me, too.
#424
⇓
Well, maybe we should fix that.
#425
⇓
We should.
#426
⇓
And then it happened.
#427
⇓
And then it happened.
#428
⇓
Elliot Reid. Moment Killer.
#429
⇓
Elliot Reid. Moment Killer.
#430
⇓
What's up, guys?
#431
⇓
Tell me every detail about the date.
#432
⇓
We went horseback riding on the beach.
#433
⇓
We went horseback riding on the beach.
#434
⇓
Yes. I've been on that date.
#435
⇓
Really?
#436
⇓
What? I had a coupon.
#437
⇓
I wasn't the only one to have an uninvited guest.
#438
⇓
I wasn't the only one to have an uninvited guest.
#439
⇓
You know what sucks?
#440
⇓
I didn't even eat any of that crappy shower food
#441
⇓
I didn't even eat any of that crappy shower food
#442
⇓
and I still feel nauseous.
#443
⇓
and I still feel nauseous.
#444
⇓
In fact, I've been nauseous for, like, two weeks.
#445
⇓
I've been exhausted all week.
#446
⇓
I've been exhausted all week.
#447
⇓
My boobs are so big right now.
#448
⇓
My boobs are so big right now.
#449
⇓
Yep, I'm pregnant.
#450
⇓
Yep, I'm pregnant.
#451
⇓
Forgive me, but since I had a vasectomy last year,
#452
⇓
nay, two vasectomies, I feel,
#453
⇓
nay, two vasectomies, I feel,
#454
⇓
I feel I just have to ask.
#455
⇓
- Did you cheat on me? - No.
#456
⇓
- Did you cheat on me? - No.
#457
⇓
And you know me. I always tell.
#458
⇓
And you know me. I always tell.
#459
⇓
Oh, that's true.
#460
⇓
That's pretty much why we work well together.
#461
⇓
That's pretty much why we work well together.
#462
⇓
Are you responsible for this?
#463
⇓
What are you talking about?
#464
⇓
What are you talking about?
#465
⇓
I'm selling my old mop. The 2007s are in.
#466
⇓
Sorry.
#467
⇓
Sorry.
#468
⇓
All right, Kim's right there.
#469
⇓
We spent all morning crafting a line so raw with confidence,
#470
⇓
We spent all morning crafting a line so raw with confidence,
#471
⇓
that if you pull it off, you're back in the game.
#472
⇓
that if you pull it off, you're back in the game.
#473
⇓
I'm afraid, Mocha Bear.
#474
⇓
I know. Buck up!
#475
⇓
I know. Buck up!
#476
⇓
- Hey, Kim. - Oh, hey, J.D. How're you feeling?
#477
⇓
- Hey, Kim. - Oh, hey, J.D. How're you feeling?
#478
⇓
Well, uh...
#479
⇓
...the swelling's gone down...
#480
⇓
...for now.
#481
⇓
You're an idiot.
#482
⇓
Go out with me again tonight.
#483
⇓
Oh, J.D., I'd love to,
#484
⇓
Oh, J.D., I'd love to,
#485
⇓
but I'm going to a Neil Diamond concert.
#486
⇓
With who?
#487
⇓
With who?
#488
⇓
Elliot Reid. Moment Killer.
#489
⇓
Elliot Reid. Moment Killer.
#490
⇓
- What's up? Are you psyched? - Hey.
#491
⇓
- What's up? Are you psyched? - Hey.
#492
⇓
- I'm so psyched. - Me too.
#493
⇓
# Everywhere around the world
#494
⇓
# They're coming to America. #
#495
⇓
Could I, uh,
#496
⇓
could I have everybody's attention, please.
#497
⇓
could I have everybody's attention, please.
#498
⇓
Jordan's pregnant.
#499
⇓
You get over here, you!
#500
⇓
You get over here, you!
#501
⇓
- Not a hug moment, sweetie. - Right. Yes.
#502
⇓
- Not a hug moment, sweetie. - Right. Yes.
#503
⇓
No.
#504
⇓
But Dr Cox,
#505
⇓
here I thought you and Jordan were done
#506
⇓
here I thought you and Jordan were done
#507
⇓
trying to have any more babies.
#508
⇓
We were, but my vasectomy didn't take
#509
⇓
We were, but my vasectomy didn't take
#510
⇓
which, apparently, is not that uncommon.
#511
⇓
which, apparently, is not that uncommon.
#512
⇓
Holy crap, Dr Cox.
#513
⇓
That must have really pissed you off.
#514
⇓
That must have really pissed you off.
#515
⇓
Yes, it did, actually.
#516
⇓
What is, what is your name?
#517
⇓
What is, what is your name?
#518
⇓
Oh, I'm any generic hospital worker
#519
⇓
Oh, I'm any generic hospital worker
#520
⇓
who happens to ask you a question
#521
⇓
about your pregnancy and/or any baby-related issues.
#522
⇓
about your pregnancy and/or any baby-related issues.
#523
⇓
Isn't that nice?
#524
⇓
Isn't that nice?
#525
⇓
This morality play was made possible by a grant
#526
⇓
This morality play was made possible by a grant
#527
⇓
from the Just See If I Was Kidding Foundation.
#528
⇓
Do you want to do it, or should I?
#529
⇓
Let's just do it together.
#530
⇓
Let's just do it together.
#531
⇓
Ma-hah.
#532
⇓
That's from The Simpsons.
#533
⇓
That's from The Simpsons.
#534
⇓
I'm having a heart attack.
#535
⇓
I'm having a heart attack.
#536
⇓
Did you guys hear
#537
⇓
what Jordan and Dr Cox did to the doctor
#538
⇓
what Jordan and Dr Cox did to the doctor
#539
⇓
who botched his vasectomy?
#540
⇓
Go Ted.
#541
⇓
# I want my baby back Baby back, baby back
#542
⇓
# Baby back, baby back Baby back, baby back
#543
⇓
# Baby back, baby back Baby back, baby back
#544
⇓
# I want my baby back Baby back, baby back,
#545
⇓
# Baby back, baby back Baby back, baby back
#546
⇓
# Baby back, baby back Baby back, baby back
#547
⇓
# I want my baby back, baby back, Baby back, baby back... #
#548
⇓
- Dear God, when do they say "ribs?" - Never.
#549
⇓
They never say "ribs."
#550
⇓
They never say "ribs."
#551
⇓
# I want my baby back Baby back, baby back
#552
⇓
# Baby back, baby back, baby back
#553
⇓
# Baby back, baby back, baby back
#554
⇓
# I want my baby back, baby back, Baby back, baby back... #
#555
⇓
I heard ten minutes into it, he started eating his face.
#556
⇓
He did.
#557
⇓
He did.
#558
⇓
You know what J.D.'s got planned
#559
⇓
since it's his day off and he's dateless?
#560
⇓
since it's his day off and he's dateless?
#561
⇓
This is my first scooter rally.
#562
⇓
This is my first scooter rally.
#563
⇓
Do you want to be Ponch or Jon?
#564
⇓
I can imagine what Jordan and Dr Cox are feeling right now.
#565
⇓
Do you really think we can handle this?
#566
⇓
I don't know.
#567
⇓
I don't know.
#568
⇓
I can totally picture J.D., too.
#569
⇓
(PHONE RINGS)
#570
⇓
(PHONE RINGS)
#571
⇓
Oh, hey, Mom.
#572
⇓
Oh, hey, Mom.
#573
⇓
No, I'm just hanging out alone tonight.
#574
⇓
I didn't have anything else to do.
#575
⇓
We want to give you your stuff back.
#576
⇓
We don't feel like dealing with that right now.
#577
⇓
We don't feel like dealing with that right now.
#578
⇓
- How about now? - Oh.
#579
⇓
- How about now? - Oh.
#580
⇓
Come on in.
#581
⇓
Come on in.
#582
⇓
Ugh.
#583
⇓
I hate cleaning up after those messy old queens.
#584
⇓
I hate cleaning up after those messy old queens.
#585
⇓
Ooh, appletini?
#586
⇓
When did they start drinking straight guy drinks?
#587
⇓
When did they start drinking straight guy drinks?
#588
⇓
Mmm. It's fresh.
#589
⇓
Mmm. It's fresh.
#590
⇓
What's up, chicken butt?
#591
⇓
Hey, Kim. What happened to Neil Diamond?
#592
⇓
Hey, Kim. What happened to Neil Diamond?
#593
⇓
I haven't seen Keith in a while, I'm gonna take him.
#594
⇓
I haven't seen Keith in a while, I'm gonna take him.
#595
⇓
Kim's letting me off the hook.
#596
⇓
Thank you.
#597
⇓
Thank you.
#598
⇓
You're welcome.
#599
⇓
What's up?
#600
⇓
Nothing.
#601
⇓
Nothing.
#602
⇓
It seems like good friends always come through for you
#603
⇓
It seems like good friends always come through for you
#604
⇓
- You like? - Oh, well.
#605
⇓
You know, I could, I could wear them out to dinner.
#606
⇓
You know, I could, I could wear them out to dinner.
#607
⇓
- With a sports jacket? - No.
#608
⇓
- With a sports jacket? - No.
#609
⇓
It's OK. Don't get up. I got it.
#610
⇓
OK.
#611
⇓
It's only your child.
#612
⇓
It's only your child.
#613
⇓
Look, I feel like I can give you a list of things
#614
⇓
that are sucky about being pregnant.
#615
⇓
that are sucky about being pregnant.
#616
⇓
For starters,
#617
⇓
I'm now horny as I've ever been
#618
⇓
I'm now horny as I've ever been
#619
⇓
and my husband is repulsed by me.
#620
⇓
If you really need it that badly,
#621
⇓
I will suck it up
#622
⇓
I will suck it up
#623
⇓
and shut my eyes so tight and then do you.
#624
⇓
Thank you for the sacrifice.
#625
⇓
Thank you for the sacrifice.
#626
⇓
Because I love you.
#627
⇓
My point is,
#628
⇓
My point is,
#629
⇓
even with all the crap, I'm sure it's worth it.
#630
⇓
I've seen how happy having Jack has made you two.
#631
⇓
I've seen how happy having Jack has made you two.
#632
⇓
And yeah, I know it's been hard,
#633
⇓
And yeah, I know it's been hard,
#634
⇓
but I know that neither one of you regret any of it.
#635
⇓
What the hell is this thing?
#636
⇓
That's Jack's mobile. Actually, it's his third mobile.
#637
⇓
That's Jack's mobile. Actually, it's his third mobile.
#638
⇓
The first two were embedded in the dry-wall.
#639
⇓
The first two were embedded in the dry-wall.
#640
⇓
They can be quite frustrating to assemble.
#641
⇓
Do you remember when he was teething?
#642
⇓
Do you remember when he was teething?
#643
⇓
He'd stare up at that thing for hours.
#644
⇓
He'd stare up at that thing for hours.
#645
⇓
Yep.
#646
⇓
Why's your TV smell like do-do?
#647
⇓
Why's your TV smell like do-do?
#648
⇓
So, what do you want to do tonight?
#649
⇓
Just hang here and look at the stars
#650
⇓
until we're comfortable enough to make out a little.
#651
⇓
until we're comfortable enough to make out a little.
#652
⇓
OK. I'm cool with that.
#653
⇓
- Not yet. - Let me know.
#654
⇓
- Not yet. - Let me know.
#655
⇓
And like that,
#656
⇓
I felt like all was right with the couples in the world.
#657
⇓
I felt like all was right with the couples in the world.
#658
⇓
(NEIL DIAMOND PLAYS)
#659
⇓
(NEIL DIAMOND PLAYS)
#660
⇓
OK, now.
#661
⇓
And right then,
#662
⇓
I knew this was the start of something important.
#663
⇓
I knew this was the start of something important.
#664
⇓
Two and a half weeks is too long to wait for a third date.
#665
⇓
Two and a half weeks is too long to wait for a third date.
#666
⇓
I'm pregnant.
#667
⇓
What now?
#668
⇓
Captions edited by Ai-Media ai-media.tv
#669
⇓
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