Home » The Boys » S01E01 — The Name of the Game

The Boys

Season 1, Episode 1 — The Name of the Game

♪ ♪

#1

⇓

(engine running)

#2

⇓

Yo, I am so psyched for Invisible Force 2.

#3

⇓

Please. Invisible Force 1 was lame.

#4

⇓

I'm all about Rising Tide.

#5

⇓

Rising Tide? The Deep?

#6

⇓

-Uh-huh. -Translucent could kick the Deep's ass.

#7

⇓

(scoffs) How? He's invisible.

#8

⇓

That's, like, all he's got. That's it.

#9

⇓

Exactly. He sneaks up on the Deep,

#10

⇓

and then boom, motherfucker!

#11

⇓

-Sit down. -Until the Deep makes a shark

#12

⇓

bite Translucent's dick off.

#13

⇓

How's he gonna find his dick? It's invisible.

#14

⇓

(tires screeching)

#15

⇓

(siren wailing)

#16

⇓

Holy shit.

#17

⇓

(horn honking)

#18

⇓

(woman screams)

#19

⇓

-(grunts) -Benjy!

#20

⇓

Get up. Get up, get up, get up.

#21

⇓

Come on, Benjy. Come on, come on.

#22

⇓

(man grunting)

#23

⇓

(indistinct chatter)

#24

⇓

Stay back.

#25

⇓

Just stay the fuck back.

#26

⇓

What are you smiling at?

#27

⇓

(screaming)

#28

⇓

(gunfire)

#29

⇓

(screams)

#30

⇓

BENJY: Homelander?

#31

⇓

You boys okay?

#32

⇓

(car alarm blaring)

#33

⇓

Can I... can I get a selfie?

#34

⇓

Course you can.

#35

⇓

(siren wailing)

#36

⇓

ANCHOR: The Seven's Queen Maeve and Homelander

#37

⇓

made another heroic save today,

#38

⇓

stopping a hijacked armored truck

#39

⇓

on the streets of Brooklyn,

#40

⇓

then staying behind for a photo op

#41

⇓

-with some very lucky fans. -Nice to meet you.

#42

⇓

-Jean? -Thanks, Jennifer. And now...

#43

⇓

HUGHIE: So, this is pretty much

#44

⇓

everything in one. Bluetooth speakers.

#45

⇓

It's in stereo, so you can put it

#46

⇓

all around your living room, have some fun with it.

#47

⇓

You said you have a standard cable box, right?

#48

⇓

-Uh-huh. -Okay, then I need to get you an audio transmitter,

#49

⇓

aptX Low Latency.

#50

⇓

It makes it so there's less audio lag,

#51

⇓

and it's got a standard optical in.

#52

⇓

And let's hook you up with thousand-meg HDMI.

#53

⇓

Let's go with this one.

#54

⇓

Uh, it costs a little bit more,

#55

⇓

but the carbon's way more conductive.

#56

⇓

(indistinct chatter over TV)

#57

⇓

Hey, Gary. Um...

#58

⇓

-I really need to talk to you about something. -Later, kid.

#59

⇓

Okay. Cool.

#60

⇓

Later-- you want, like... want, like, 30-30 minutes?

#61

⇓

Like, a solid 45?

#62

⇓

Excuse me, sir?

#63

⇓

Hi. I'd like to make an appointment

#64

⇓

for you to come over and...

#65

⇓

lay some cable.

#66

⇓

Okay. Uh... oh, Robin.

#67

⇓

Oh, dear, dear, Robin.

#68

⇓

Um, that doesn't mean what you think it means.

#69

⇓

Um, "laying cable" means sex.

#70

⇓

No, "laying pipe" means sex.

#71

⇓

"Laying cable" means

#72

⇓

you want me to come over to your house

#73

⇓

-and just take a big, old shit. -(chuckles)

#74

⇓

-That's disgusting. -Well, okay.

#75

⇓

But you... Who-who said it, though?

#76

⇓

Okay. Are you ready? Despite your best efforts,

#77

⇓

I'm actually still hungry.

#78

⇓

-I'm actually more hungry now. -(laughs)

#79

⇓

-Where are we gonna go after all this hot talk? -I don't know.

#80

⇓

-You know? -More importantly, where are we gonna go

#81

⇓

-to lay some cable afterwards? -(laughs)

#82

⇓

Geez.

#83

⇓

So, did you ask him?

#84

⇓

-Who? -Gary.

#85

⇓

Did you ask Gary for the raise?

#86

⇓

Yeah. Yeah. It was-- it was a...

#87

⇓

Look, it was a crazy day, and-and he was super busy,

#88

⇓

but tomorrow for sure. Yes.

#89

⇓

Okay.

#90

⇓

What was I supposed to do, kick his door down?

#91

⇓

Like Homelander?

#92

⇓

I said "okay."

#93

⇓

Yeah, but you didn't mean it.

#94

⇓

Hey, I see the look.

#95

⇓

I see it. Come on.

#96

⇓

This is like when we started dating.

#97

⇓

I don't think that's... I don't think that's true.

#98

⇓

Dude, I had to ask you out.

#99

⇓

Well, excuse me for waiting.

#100

⇓

You ever hear of chivalry?

#101

⇓

Listen, this is about you getting what you deserve.

#102

⇓

I'm killing myself at school

#103

⇓

because I think it's gonna be worth it for both of us.

#104

⇓

You know, if we move in together.

#105

⇓

Wait, what? What? W-W-Wait. Hey, hey, hey.

#106

⇓

Hey, hey. What was that?

#107

⇓

What'd you just say?

#108

⇓

Well, I mean, we can't keep, you know, laying pipe

#109

⇓

at your dad's place.

#110

⇓

Trying to be all quiet.

#111

⇓

Staring up at that dumb Billy Joel post...

#112

⇓

-...poster. -Hey.

#113

⇓

Don't you ever besmirch Billy Jo...

#114

⇓

(panting)

#115

⇓

I can't stop. I can't stop. I can't stop. I can't stop.

#116

⇓

Can't stop. Can't stop.

#117

⇓

Robin?

#118

⇓

Robin?

#119

⇓

Robin!

#120

⇓

(voice breaking): Robin!

#121

⇓

("Barracuda" by Heart playing)

#122

⇓

♪ You lying so low into the weeds ♪

#123

⇓

♪ I bet you gonna ambush me ♪

#124

⇓

♪ You'd have me down, down, down ♪

#125

⇓

♪ Down on my knees... ♪

#126

⇓

Let the energy go through the wall.

#127

⇓

I am Starlight.

#128

⇓

I'm 110 pounds, and I'm five foot six.

#129

⇓

CASTING DIRECTOR: Turn around, please.

#130

⇓

Okay. Let's see it, dear.

#131

⇓

-You should look away. -Sorry?

#132

⇓

You should turn away from the camera,

#133

⇓

and you should close your eyes, or else I'll blind you.

#134

⇓

All right.

#135

⇓

Okay, go ahead.

#136

⇓

I am so sorry.

#137

⇓

Are you all right?

#138

⇓

I was born Super-Abled.

#139

⇓

Uh, my mom was thrilled.

#140

⇓

She took me to all the little miss hero pageants,

#141

⇓

but I hated it.

#142

⇓

Ugh, I mean, I can still...

#143

⇓

smell the hairspray.

#144

⇓

Uh, but... (clears throat)

#145

⇓

...at the Q and A, they always asked me what my wish was,

#146

⇓

and I always said, "to save the world."

#147

⇓

And the judges just chuckled

#148

⇓

like it was cute.

#149

⇓

But it wasn't a joke to me.

#150

⇓

Since when did "hopeful" and "naive"

#151

⇓

become the same thing?

#152

⇓

I mean, why would you get into this business

#153

⇓

if not to save the world?

#154

⇓

That's all I have ever wanted.

#155

⇓

(chuckles)

#156

⇓

And that's why I've always wanted

#157

⇓

to be in The Seven.

#158

⇓

(sighs)

#159

⇓

(sighs)

#160

⇓

ANCHOR: Thanks, Jennifer.

#161

⇓

Thought Robin's service was nice.

#162

⇓

Did you see how many people came?

#163

⇓

Wow.

#164

⇓

Lot of respect for that girl.

#165

⇓

Lot of love in the room.

#166

⇓

And the spread. What a spread.

#167

⇓

Just really nice.

#168

⇓

MADELYN: That does not begin to convey

#169

⇓

the terrible regret...

#170

⇓

Aw, geez. Maybe there's a movie on.

#171

⇓

-No, keep it. -No, we can switch it.

#172

⇓

-Keep it. -(clears throat)

#173

⇓

...awful, tragic loss.

#174

⇓

My deepest condolences to Robin Ward's family.

#175

⇓

I was chasing these bank robbers.

#176

⇓

She just stepped in the middle of the street,

#177

⇓

and I-I couldn't...

#178

⇓

Middle of the...

#179

⇓

She was a half step off the fucking curb.

#180

⇓

Oh, now, come on, Hughie.

#181

⇓

Just, uh, don't get upset, okay? Just...

#182

⇓

He knows.

#183

⇓

MADELYN: ...swift, thoughtful attention...

#184

⇓

(doorbell rings)

#185

⇓

Now I think that A-Train would like to get back to work.

#186

⇓

MAN: Everyone at Vought is just...

#187

⇓

just wrecked about Robin.

#188

⇓

Now, you two weren't married, and look,

#189

⇓

technically, there's no legal claim.

#190

⇓

But...

#191

⇓

Vought wants to do the right thing:

#192

⇓

offer you $45,000 in restitution.

#193

⇓

All you have to do is sign

#194

⇓

right here,

#195

⇓

and I'll offer you the check.

#196

⇓

This is a confidentiality agreement.

#197

⇓

It's a boilerplate NDA.

#198

⇓

I sign this, and...

#199

⇓

I can't talk about it?

#200

⇓

Have to pretend like it didn't happen,

#201

⇓

like I wasn't holding Robin's arms in my hands?

#202

⇓

Look, I know you're upset,

#203

⇓

but we're just trying to help.

#204

⇓

Then say you're sorry.

#205

⇓

Excuse me?

#206

⇓

I mean, you people say "our condolences"

#207

⇓

and "my sympathies" and "our regrets,"

#208

⇓

but nobody can look me in the fucking eye

#209

⇓

and say "I'm sorry."

#210

⇓

I'm not signing anything. Get out.

#211

⇓

I said get the hell out!

#212

⇓

You okay?

#213

⇓

As I said, boilerplate NDA, really.

#214

⇓

Pretty standard stuff.

#215

⇓

Can I think about it?

#216

⇓

If you have any questions at all,

#217

⇓

just, uh...

#218

⇓

(door opens)

#219

⇓

-(exhales) -(door closes)

#220

⇓

DISPATCHER: Unit 44, code 20.

#221

⇓

Address is 1420 63rd Street...

#222

⇓

Any maniacs out there?

#223

⇓

Mm-mm. Quiet night.

#224

⇓

Like every night.

#225

⇓

(sighs) That's too bad.

#226

⇓

We could really use the press right now.

#227

⇓

Oh, Annie.

#228

⇓

I'm hungry.

#229

⇓

Don't worry. I didn't get the job.

#230

⇓

You don't know that.

#231

⇓

They're auditioning girls nationwide.

#232

⇓

Besides, Countess probably got it.

#233

⇓

-She's so good in a room. -(phone ringing)

#234

⇓

If you're negative, negative things happen to you.

#235

⇓

Hello?

#236

⇓

Yes, I'm her mother.

#237

⇓

Uh, yes. Uh...

#238

⇓

uh, one moment.

#239

⇓

(whispering): It's them.

#240

⇓

It's them.

#241

⇓

Hello?

#242

⇓

Yes, this is she.

#243

⇓

I got it?

#244

⇓

-You got it! -(screams)

#245

⇓

You got it!

#246

⇓

Shh.

#247

⇓

(whispering): Oh, my God.

#248

⇓

Uh, I'm so... I'm so sorry.

#249

⇓

It's a weird connection.

#250

⇓

I don't know what that was, actually.

#251

⇓

Uh... Mm-hmm.

#252

⇓

HUGHIE: Oh, shit.

#253

⇓

MAN: Yeah?

#254

⇓

MAN 2: I think she was an addict.

#255

⇓

MAN: Needle tracks?

#256

⇓

MAN 2: 12 marks on one arm.

#257

⇓

MAN: More dope coming in.

#258

⇓

More pushers at work.

#259

⇓

What you doing?

#260

⇓

Can't file a criminal case

#261

⇓

against A-Train. Supes are like cops.

#262

⇓

They can't be charged

#263

⇓

-for damages while they're on the job. -Okay.

#264

⇓

But maybe we can file a wrongful death.

#265

⇓

I just got to get Robin's parents to sign off on it.

#266

⇓

-Hughie, come sit with me. -Dad, I'm not...

#267

⇓

-I'm right... -(pats couch)

#268

⇓

Okay.

#269

⇓

Good for you.

#270

⇓

You want to make this right, what happened to Robin.

#271

⇓

But you can't.

#272

⇓

So sign this.

#273

⇓

What?

#274

⇓

This is a lot of money, Hughie.

#275

⇓

We could really use it.

#276

⇓

I can't-- Dad, they killed her.

#277

⇓

Be realistic, okay?

#278

⇓

Even if we could pay for a lawyer--

#279

⇓

and that's a big if-- there's no case.

#280

⇓

She was in the street.

#281

⇓

-Be like if a bus hit her. -Dad, she was one step

#282

⇓

-off the curb. -I...

#283

⇓

-I saw it! -Hughie, look. Look.

#284

⇓

-You can't do this. -Why not?

#285

⇓

-Dad, I have... -You don't have the fight.

#286

⇓

You never have.

#287

⇓

I'm sorry, but it's-it's true.

#288

⇓

Neither do I.

#289

⇓

Now...

#290

⇓

come and... come and sit with me, okay?

#291

⇓

Remington Steele's on.

#292

⇓

-Hughie! Where you going? -(door opens)

#293

⇓

(door closes)

#294

⇓

(sighs)

#295

⇓

TV REPORTER: ...the red carpet outside of Vought headquarters,

#296

⇓

here for the annual shareholders presentation...

#297

⇓

(fans talking indistinctly, shouting)

#298

⇓

ASHLEY: There she is.

#299

⇓

-Welcome to New York. -(fans cheering)

#300

⇓

I'm Ashley Barrett, director of talent relations.

#301

⇓

So, uh, are all these people here for me?

#302

⇓

Oh, honey.

#303

⇓

(laughs) Who else would they be here for?

#304

⇓

Come on.

#305

⇓

We're running late.

#306

⇓

Oh, my God.

#307

⇓

(fans screaming, cheering)

#308

⇓

(camera shutters clicking)

#309

⇓

MADELYN: Ladies and gentlemen,

#310

⇓

it is without a doubt a good time

#311

⇓

to be in the Superhero business.

#312

⇓

Our net income is up 14%.

#313

⇓

Our latest film, G-Men: World War,

#314

⇓

just grossed shy

#315

⇓

-of $1.7 billion world-wide. -(cheers and applause)

#316

⇓

And this fall, we break ground

#317

⇓

on our newest theme park outside of Paris.

#318

⇓

The branding opportunities are limitless.

#319

⇓

(cheers and applause)

#320

⇓

But, you know, none of that really matters.

#321

⇓

Because job one is managing, supporting,

#322

⇓

and advising the brave heroes

#323

⇓

who put themselves in harm's way each and every day

#324

⇓

for us.

#325

⇓

Let's take a look.

#326

⇓

♪ ♪

#327

⇓

MADELYN (on video): A world without crime,

#328

⇓

with liberty and justice for all,

#329

⇓

that's within our reach,

#330

⇓

thanks to the 200-plus Superheroes

#331

⇓

in the Vought Family.

#332

⇓

We see a bright future ahead,

#333

⇓

where there is a Vought Hero in every town.

#334

⇓

You're doing really well, by the way, so far.

#335

⇓

I-I haven't done anything yet.

#336

⇓

Yeah, exactly. You're already up

#337

⇓

two-and-a-half points with Midwesterners

#338

⇓

and conservative Christians in 18 to 49.

#339

⇓

That speech, by the way, your audition--

#340

⇓

(exhales) It was modest; it was humble.

#341

⇓

Really fucking smart choice.

#342

⇓

Uh, I-I meant it.

#343

⇓

ASHLEY: Yeah, that's why we love you.

#344

⇓

So you ready for your life to change?

#345

⇓

(exhales)

#346

⇓

MADELYN (on video): ...including the jewel

#347

⇓

in Vought's crown,

#348

⇓

the greatest superhero team

#349

⇓

the world's ever seen:

#350

⇓

The Seven.

#351

⇓

That is our job, our honor.

#352

⇓

We are Vought.

#353

⇓

We make heroes super.

#354

⇓

(cheering, whooping, applause)

#355

⇓

I have a very exciting surprise for you.

#356

⇓

Both a member of The Seven,

#357

⇓

and Lord of the Seven Seas,

#358

⇓

live and in person, the Deep.

#359

⇓

(cheering and applause)

#360

⇓

♪ ♪

#361

⇓

DEEP: Thank you.

#362

⇓

Thank you, everybody.

#363

⇓

After a long,

#364

⇓

distinguished career with The Seven,

#365

⇓

my good friend, the Lamplighter, has retired.

#366

⇓

Let's give him a big "thank you."

#367

⇓

-What do you say? -(applause)

#368

⇓

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Thank you, Lamplighter!

#369

⇓

(cheering and applause)

#370

⇓

But now,

#371

⇓

as we turn towards the future,

#372

⇓

I'd like to introduce someone very special.

#373

⇓

And I, for one, can't wait to work with her.

#374

⇓

Please welcome Starlight.

#375

⇓

Go. Go. That's you.

#376

⇓

(cheering and applause)

#377

⇓

-Ooh, look at that. -MADELYN: Ladies and gentlemen,

#378

⇓

Starlight and the Deep.

#379

⇓

-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)

#380

⇓

(whooping)

#381

⇓

Oh. Hi.

#382

⇓

MAN (in audience): I love you, Starlight!

#383

⇓

♪ ♪

#384

⇓

WOMAN (in audience): We love you!

#385

⇓

(panting)

#386

⇓

(breathing heavily)

#387

⇓

(breathing heavily)

#388

⇓

(echoing): Hey, buddy, you okay?

#389

⇓

Hey, buddy!

#390

⇓

(hyperventilating)

#391

⇓

Wow.

#392

⇓

Pretty cool, huh?

#393

⇓

Oh, hey, check this out.

#394

⇓

We have two World View-4 satellites

#395

⇓

in geocentric orbit.

#396

⇓

We can essentially read a getaway car's license plate

#397

⇓

from 380 miles up.

#398

⇓

That is just...

#399

⇓

I mean...

#400

⇓

G-- I was working with a police scanner

#401

⇓

that I bought on eBay.

#402

⇓

(chuckles) Yeah, well, not anymore you're not.

#403

⇓

Oh, and wait till you check out the dining room.

#404

⇓

We, uh, may or may not have stolen Miro

#405

⇓

from Gramercy Tavern.

#406

⇓

(laughs) Yeah, he's fan-fucking-tastic.

#407

⇓

That's his, isn't it?

#408

⇓

Homelander's? Yeah.

#409

⇓

But you'll have your own soon.

#410

⇓

Here. Come on.

#411

⇓

Give it a test drive.

#412

⇓

(chuckles) Come on.

#413

⇓

O-Oh, you-you okay?

#414

⇓

It's just...

#415

⇓

(inhales, exhales sharply)

#416

⇓

I used to stand in the mirror,

#417

⇓

pretending to be where I am right now.

#418

⇓

You know something?

#419

⇓

On my first day, I, uh...

#420

⇓

Well, I-I felt like a fraud.

#421

⇓

Yeah. But the good news is, everybody feels that way.

#422

⇓

Thank you.

#423

⇓

And, hey, we're a team now.

#424

⇓

We'll help each other out.

#425

⇓

I bet growing up you had

#426

⇓

a poster of Homelander on your wall, huh?

#427

⇓

No, actually, I...

#428

⇓

I don't know, Homelander's so--

#429

⇓

He's like Jesus or something.

#430

⇓

If you want to know the truth,

#431

⇓

I actually had a poster of you.

#432

⇓

(laughs) Really?

#433

⇓

-Yeah. Yeah. I kind of-- -Oh.

#434

⇓

I kind of had a schoolgirl crush on you.

#435

⇓

-Oh, my God. -Oh, my God.

#436

⇓

I hope that's not inappropriate to say.

#437

⇓

No, no, no, no, no. It's not inappropriate at all.

#438

⇓

-It's just, it's kind of wild. -(sighs)

#439

⇓

(Deep sighs)

#440

⇓

(gasps)

#441

⇓

What? (chuckles)

#442

⇓

I mean, you said you had a crush on me.

#443

⇓

I figured that, you know...

#444

⇓

-That is... -Whoa, whoa, wh-wh-whoa, hey.

#445

⇓

Look, you're gorgeous.

#446

⇓

I'm not-- I'm not talking about sex,

#447

⇓

just a little bit of pole-smoking.

#448

⇓

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

#449

⇓

It's just a question of how bad you want to be in The Seven.

#450

⇓

-Excuse me? -(glass shattering)

#451

⇓

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

#452

⇓

Hey, hey, hey. Hey. (chuckles)

#453

⇓

Take it easy. (chuckles)

#454

⇓

Settle down. We're just, we're just talking.

#455

⇓

And look, I know that you're powerful.

#456

⇓

I get it. Your powers are no joke.

#457

⇓

The thing is...

#458

⇓

I am number two around here.

#459

⇓

(sighs) So, like, if I say so,

#460

⇓

you know, you'd be out of here.

#461

⇓

Especially since you attacked me.

#462

⇓

I what?

#463

⇓

Yeah. Look.

#464

⇓

I mean, Iowa's sweetheart, the Defender of Des Moines,

#465

⇓

just went psycho on the Deep.

#466

⇓

(exhales) I mean, that...

#467

⇓

that could put you out of the business.

#468

⇓

Yeah. (exhales sharply)

#469

⇓

I mean, home to Mommy, tail tucked between your legs.

#470

⇓

Just think of all those kids.

#471

⇓

I mean, the kids.

#472

⇓

Those kids who look up to you,

#473

⇓

they'd just be shattered.

#474

⇓

(exhales)

#475

⇓

I mean, th-that's not what you really want, right?

#476

⇓

Or we come together as a team.

#477

⇓

You and me, we just roll with the punches,

#478

⇓

for, like, three minutes, maybe.

#479

⇓

It's not a big deal.

#480

⇓

And then you know what happens?

#481

⇓

All your dreams come true.

#482

⇓

I-I'm sure you guys have all heard

#483

⇓

that Translucent stopped a home invasion

#484

⇓

in Yonkers last night, a young, single mother

#485

⇓

-and her two kids. -(cheers and applause)

#486

⇓

Just incredible. Just...

#487

⇓

So tell us, how are you able to-to vanish?

#488

⇓

No, I don't actually vanish.

#489

⇓

My skin turns into this carbon meta-material

#490

⇓

that bends the light.

#491

⇓

Like an invisibility cloak.

#492

⇓

All right, but just to be clear,

#493

⇓

you have to be completely naked, right?

#494

⇓

(TV audience reacts)

#495

⇓

I appreciate you coming on the show, my man. I love you.

#496

⇓

You guys stay tuned for a behind-the-scenes look

#497

⇓

at Invisible Force 2, and later, Translucent himself...

#498

⇓

(clears throat)

#499

⇓

You interested in a nanny cam?

#500

⇓

'Cause we're actually running a special on that.

#501

⇓

Um, it's a pretty popular bear.

#502

⇓

There's cameras in the eyes.

#503

⇓

BUTCHER: Tell me,

#504

⇓

how many nannies shake their babies?

#505

⇓

Uh, I'm sorry?

#506

⇓

You know, a good... hard shake, like...

#507

⇓

like tryin' to get ketchup out of a bottle.

#508

⇓

One percent? Less?

#509

⇓

I-I don't really know.

#510

⇓

Funny, that.

#511

⇓

They sell a billion dollars worth of that shit worldwide.

#512

⇓

Goes to show you, doesn't it?

#513

⇓

The bollocks people will believe

#514

⇓

if you get them scared enough.

#515

⇓

(scoffs) Cool.

#516

⇓

Cool, cool.

#517

⇓

Um...

#518

⇓

Is there anything I can help you with today, or...?

#519

⇓

I'm not gonna piss you about, Hughie.

#520

⇓

I heard what happened to Robin.

#521

⇓

I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, who are you?

#522

⇓

She wasn't in the street.

#523

⇓

She was one step off the fucking curb.

#524

⇓

And you didn't take the pay-off.

#525

⇓

Yeah. I said, who the hell are you?

#526

⇓

How do you know that?

#527

⇓

Name's Butcher.

#528

⇓

Billy Butcher.

#529

⇓

Listen, I was thinking that, uh,

#530

⇓

you and me should have a little bit of a chat.

#531

⇓

Y-You're a Fed?

#532

⇓

You don't sound like a Fed.

#533

⇓

What, I can't immigrate?

#534

⇓

There's a giant green slapper with her ass in the harbor

#535

⇓

that says different.

#536

⇓

You don't really look like one, either.

#537

⇓

No? What do I look like?

#538

⇓

Like you're starring in a porn version of The Matrix.

#539

⇓

Well, it's all right there in black and white.

#540

⇓

Okay. Uh, what exactly can I do for you?

#541

⇓

No, you got it all wrong, Hughie.

#542

⇓

It's what I can do for you.

#543

⇓

You see, you ain't alone, son.

#544

⇓

It happens a lot more than you think.

#545

⇓

Supes lose hundreds of people each year to collateral damage.

#546

⇓

No. Come on, that'd be all over the news.

#547

⇓

People would be screaming bloody murder.

#548

⇓

Yeah, look, there might be the odd mention

#549

⇓

of it now and again, like with Robin,

#550

⇓

but there's a fuck-sight more that happens

#551

⇓

that just gets swept right under the rug.

#552

⇓

Why?

#553

⇓

Ain't it obvious?

#554

⇓

Movie tickets, merchandising,

#555

⇓

theme parks, video games.

#556

⇓

A multi-billion dollar global industry supported

#557

⇓

by corporate lobbyists

#558

⇓

and politicians on both sides.

#559

⇓

But the main reason that you won't hear about it

#560

⇓

is 'cause the public don't want to know about it.

#561

⇓

See, people love that cozy feeling that Supes give them.

#562

⇓

Some golden cunt

#563

⇓

to swoop out of the sky and save the day

#564

⇓

so you don't got to do it yourself.

#565

⇓

But if you knew half the shit they get up to...

#566

⇓

Ooh... (clucks tongue)

#567

⇓

Fuckin' diabolical.

#568

⇓

But then... that's where I come in.

#569

⇓

Come in to... to do what?

#570

⇓

Spank the bastards when they get out of line.

#571

⇓

How do you spank a Supe?

#572

⇓

Come on, son.

#573

⇓

Uh, where?

#574

⇓

You'll love it.

#575

⇓

Uh, not likely.

#576

⇓

Uh, listen.

#577

⇓

I think this is good; I'm good.

#578

⇓

Uh, thank you for an extremely weird conversation,

#579

⇓

but, uh, I don't want to go to a second location with you.

#580

⇓

So, I'm gonna get back to work.

#581

⇓

Thank you.

#582

⇓

Hughie! Hughie.

#583

⇓

(sighs)

#584

⇓

This is your one and only, mate.

#585

⇓

Once I go, I'm gone.

#586

⇓

I'm offering you the opportunity

#587

⇓

to get them that got your girl.

#588

⇓

What have you got to lose

#589

⇓

that you ain't already lost?

#590

⇓

♪ ♪

#591

⇓

Where are we?

#592

⇓

Keep your mouth shut.

#593

⇓

Harry.

#594

⇓

Got your message.

#595

⇓

Thank you for being an upstanding citizen.

#596

⇓

You know this is fucking police brutality, man.

#597

⇓

You know what they'll do to me, they catch me letting you in?

#598

⇓

Not half of what I'll do if you don't.

#599

⇓

Did he just say you were police?

#600

⇓

Yeah, you know, cop, Fed, all the same to twats like that.

#601

⇓

(door closes)

#602

⇓

(loud, indistinct chatter)

#603

⇓

♪ ♪

#604

⇓

Holy shit.

#605

⇓

Pick your jaw up off the floor

#606

⇓

and try to blend in.

#607

⇓

This is the only place

#608

⇓

where the Supes can scratch their filthy little itch

#609

⇓

without the paps taking snaps.

#610

⇓

♪ I did a bad, bad thing ♪

#611

⇓

-(gasps) -♪ I did a bad, bad thing ♪

#612

⇓

Wait, wait, wait. That's Ezekiel.

#613

⇓

♪ I did a bad, bad thing. ♪

#614

⇓

The "Capes for Christ" guy...

#615

⇓

preaches all that...

#616

⇓

"pray the gay away" shit.

#617

⇓

BUTCHER: And now he's the meat in the Manwich.

#618

⇓

Fucking hypocrite.

#619

⇓

♪ You ever pray with all your heart and soul ♪

#620

⇓

♪ Just to watch her walk away? Yeah... ♪

#621

⇓

BUTCHER: Keep going forward.

#622

⇓

That's it. Further.

#623

⇓

Further.

#624

⇓

There. There.

#625

⇓

-Stop. -HUGHIE: Wait, wait, wait.

#626

⇓

A-Train's... A-Train's here right now?

#627

⇓

Was. This is from last night.

#628

⇓

Turn it up.

#629

⇓

I cannot believe you ran through a bitch.

#630

⇓

A-TRAIN: You want to hear something crazy?

#631

⇓

I ran so fast through this bitch

#632

⇓

that I swallowed one of her molars.

#633

⇓

Like a bug on the fucking freeway.

#634

⇓

Dude, that's nasty.

#635

⇓

(both laughing)

#636

⇓

They're laughing.

#637

⇓

Just... Like she's a joke.

#638

⇓

(laughter continues)

#639

⇓

They're fucking laughing.

#640

⇓

So what are you gonna do about it?

#641

⇓

(Starlight vomiting)

#642

⇓

(retches, pants)

#643

⇓

(toilet flushes)

#644

⇓

(water running)

#645

⇓

-(water stops) -(Starlight sniffles)

#646

⇓

Oh, for Chrissakes.

#647

⇓

Clean yourself up.

#648

⇓

Never let them see you like this.

#649

⇓

-(sighs) -Translucent,

#650

⇓

you're a goddamn pervert.

#651

⇓

Ah...

#652

⇓

Oh, uh...

#653

⇓

I'll just go.

#654

⇓

HUGHIE: They're all like that?

#655

⇓

All of them? Even Homelander?

#656

⇓

Homelander's the exception.

#657

⇓

He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke.

#658

⇓

Man's a saint.

#659

⇓

But the rest of 'em, yeah.

#660

⇓

Pardon my French, fuck those fuckers.

#661

⇓

Here.

#662

⇓

Have a shufti of that.

#663

⇓

-What are these? -That's the police log

#664

⇓

the day that Robin got murdered.

#665

⇓

Couple of bar fights. A few cars got nicked.

#666

⇓

But you know what's not in there?

#667

⇓

No bank alarms going off.

#668

⇓

No one charged at Central Booking.

#669

⇓

A-Train stopped two bank robbers, my arse.

#670

⇓

Someone's fucking hiding something.

#671

⇓

-Hiding what? -Well, I don't know,

#672

⇓

whatever dodgy shit he was up to that night.

#673

⇓

Why couldn't he stop? I mean, what was in that bag?

#674

⇓

You know? Who was he running from?

#675

⇓

-Or where was he running to? -Bingo.

#676

⇓

Work that out, and we'll have the fucker, I can smell it.

#677

⇓

Okay.

#678

⇓

Okay, so, um...

#679

⇓

what can I do to help?

#680

⇓

Here's what you do.

#681

⇓

Ring Vought, tell 'em you'll take the money, sign the NDA,

#682

⇓

but only if A-Train's there in person when you do it.

#683

⇓

Why does A-Train need to be there?

#684

⇓

Then they'll take you into The Seven Tower,

#685

⇓

through security, mate,

#686

⇓

-and then you're gonna plant a bug. -A bug?

#687

⇓

A bug. And we'll have a little listen.

#688

⇓

See what's really going on.

#689

⇓

Okay, let me just... sorry, let me just get this straight.

#690

⇓

You want me to... you want me to go to Seven Tower by myself,

#691

⇓

and-and you want me to plant a bug,

#692

⇓

like I'm... what, like I'm fuckin' James Bond?

#693

⇓

-Yeah, exactly. You got it. -You're FBI.

#694

⇓

If you're FBI, then get a warrant.

#695

⇓

-Why do you... why do you even need me? -Hughie, Hughie,

#696

⇓

look, mate, I got a warrant, all right?

#697

⇓

But that place is firewalled, untappable,

#698

⇓

and locked up tighter than a nun's knickers.

#699

⇓

I couldn't get myself in there in a million years.

#700

⇓

But you, son, you could do it.

#701

⇓

-No, no, I can't, okay? -Yeah.

#702

⇓

I can't. No. You didn't see A-Train covered in...

#703

⇓

And-and I'm, what, I'm just supposed to go in there,

#704

⇓

and I'm supposed to... I'm supposed to shake his hand?

#705

⇓

-And smile? -Yeah.

#706

⇓

I'm not... Do you know who my favorite musician is?

#707

⇓

-Who? -James Taylor.

#708

⇓

Number two, Simon & Garfunkel. Number three, Billy Joel.

#709

⇓

Any of those guys, they don't infiltrate.

#710

⇓

Okay? I'm not an infiltrator.

#711

⇓

Hughie, Hughie, fucking grow a pair.

#712

⇓

You heard that cunt laughing at your girl.

#713

⇓

No. No. No.

#714

⇓

No, I can't. I can't do that.

#715

⇓

I'm sorry, I'm just gonna fuck it up,

#716

⇓

and you're not gonna have your bug...

#717

⇓

(panting): ...and I'll be dead.

#718

⇓

I'm not... I'm not like you.

#719

⇓

(door opens)

#720

⇓

(door closes)

#721

⇓

(chuckles): This is amazing, Madelyn.

#722

⇓

Thank you for this. My kid is gonna lose his mind.

#723

⇓

Ah, it is our pleasure.

#724

⇓

Just do not sell it online.

#725

⇓

(Madelyn chuckles)

#726

⇓

All right. What are you thinking?

#727

⇓

Baltimore is a beautiful town.

#728

⇓

But you've got a problem.

#729

⇓

Your homicide rates are up, what, 62%?

#730

⇓

The police are not closing cases.

#731

⇓

You're on the verge of needing a federal lifeline.

#732

⇓

Cut to the chase, Madelyn.

#733

⇓

Who are you proposing?

#734

⇓

Nubian Prince.

#735

⇓

Fits your population's demo,

#736

⇓

but not too militant.

#737

⇓

Caucasians love him, too, with a...

#738

⇓

59% approval rate.

#739

⇓

I am willing to give you a three-year exclusive contract

#740

⇓

with full PR support,

#741

⇓

and I'm gonna give you nine and a half points

#742

⇓

of the merchandising.

#743

⇓

I thought he was in Detroit.

#744

⇓

Well, we're thinking about making a move.

#745

⇓

How much?

#746

⇓

-$300 million a year. -(laughs)

#747

⇓

(both laughing)

#748

⇓

I know, I know, it's a tough swallow.

#749

⇓

But we both know that your city needs a hero.

#750

⇓

$200 million for Nubian Prince.

#751

⇓

-I can sell that. -Mm.

#752

⇓

I'm sorry, Steve, I can't do it.

#753

⇓

We've got Atlanta waiting in the wings.

#754

⇓

-I think maybe you can. -(chuckles)

#755

⇓

And why is that?

#756

⇓

I happen to know about Compound V.

#757

⇓

What is Compound V?

#758

⇓

It's the type of rumor

#759

⇓

that could really tarnish those heroes of yours.

#760

⇓

Nobody wants that.

#761

⇓

People need heroes.

#762

⇓

Now, I can make sure that that stays a rumor,

#763

⇓

because I'm a friend.

#764

⇓

But friendship does cut both ways.

#765

⇓

I'm sorry, Steve, I don't know what you're talking about.

#766

⇓

$300 million is the price,

#767

⇓

or we go to Atlanta.

#768

⇓

DONNA: So, how amazing is it?

#769

⇓

What's Homelander like?

#770

⇓

Uh... he's busy.

#771

⇓

I haven't really met him yet, but...

#772

⇓

Mom, I got to tell you what happened.

#773

⇓

Oh, I forgot.

#774

⇓

I was playing mah-jongg with Patty and Trish,

#775

⇓

and Patty is going on and on about how her daughter

#776

⇓

got into med school, and I'm thinking, so what?

#777

⇓

My daughter got into The Seven!

#778

⇓

Anyway, so-so, what did you want to tell me?

#779

⇓

Everything's great.

#780

⇓

Just how we dreamed.

#781

⇓

Um...

#782

⇓

Mom, actually, you know what? I have to go.

#783

⇓

All right. Bye, honey.

#784

⇓

(sniffles)

#785

⇓

(takes deep, shuddering breath)

#786

⇓

Um...

#787

⇓

excuse me.

#788

⇓

I'm sorry, a-are you okay?

#789

⇓

Just seemed like a...

#790

⇓

tough call.

#791

⇓

Sorry. I don't mean to bother you.

#792

⇓

No, no, it's okay.

#793

⇓

Uh...

#794

⇓

I'm fine. I'm just...

#795

⇓

I'm just having a bad day.

#796

⇓

(chuckles): Yeah, me, too.

#797

⇓

Uh... is it, like, a-a work thing, or...

#798

⇓

a-a life thing?

#799

⇓

(smacks lips) It's a work thing.

#800

⇓

You?

#801

⇓

Uh... life thing.

#802

⇓

You know how you have this...

#803

⇓

image of yourself?

#804

⇓

Like, I thought I was strong.

#805

⇓

You know? Like, made of steel.

#806

⇓

A fighter.

#807

⇓

And...

#808

⇓

then I was faced with this horrible situation

#809

⇓

with this asshole...

#810

⇓

and...

#811

⇓

I just heard my mom's voice in my head,

#812

⇓

"Keep smiling,

#813

⇓

the show must go on,"

#814

⇓

and... I didn't fight.

#815

⇓

And now I just feel sick.

#816

⇓

Partly because I did it, but...

#817

⇓

mostly because...

#818

⇓

...turns out I'm not who I thought I was.

#819

⇓

(sighs)

#820

⇓

-Oh. Oh, I'm, um, sorry. -Uh...

#821

⇓

I-I didn't mean to just dump all of that

#822

⇓

-onto you. -No, no, it's totally fine that you dumped. Um...

#823

⇓

Listen, d-do you like your job?

#824

⇓

Oh.

#825

⇓

It's the only thing I've ever wanted.

#826

⇓

And it's a good job?

#827

⇓

Like, you're not selling kids smack?

#828

⇓

No, it's a great job.

#829

⇓

I could help a lot of people.

#830

⇓

Thing is, I, um...

#831

⇓

used to know this girl,

#832

⇓

and we used to go skating at Rockefeller,

#833

⇓

and I'd be on the side

#834

⇓

with this death grip on the rails.

#835

⇓

She would just charge headfirst into the middle of the rink.

#836

⇓

And she wasn't... good.

#837

⇓

Like, she fell--

#838

⇓

a lot--

#839

⇓

but she was never scared.

#840

⇓

And she always used to say:

#841

⇓

"Just 'cause you fall on your ass doesn't mean

#842

⇓

you have to stay there."

#843

⇓

So you fell on your ass, you know?

#844

⇓

That's not who you are.

#845

⇓

So who are you?

#846

⇓

I'm a fighter.

#847

⇓

I'm gonna fight.

#848

⇓

Yeah.

#849

⇓

I'm gonna take that son of a bitch's head

#850

⇓

-clean off his body. -Okay. Wow, that was...

#851

⇓

Okay.

#852

⇓

-Cool. -(exhales)

#853

⇓

Little scary, but...

#854

⇓

but-but cool.

#855

⇓

I'm-I'm Hughie, by the way.

#856

⇓

Annie.

#857

⇓

(door opens)

#858

⇓

(door closes)

#859

⇓

♪ ♪

#860

⇓

Okay, man. I'm in.

#861

⇓

Okay, it's ringing.

#862

⇓

DOUG: Yeah, hello?

#863

⇓

Hi. Hi.

#864

⇓

Yes, hello. Hello, Mr. Friedman.

#865

⇓

It's Hughie Campbell. I got your message,

#866

⇓

and-and $45K, it's just...

#867

⇓

it's just... it's bingo, like, life-changing.

#868

⇓

Um, but I just need one thing before I-I sign anything.

#869

⇓

I need an apology

#870

⇓

-from A-Train. -Uh, he already apologized.

#871

⇓

Well, no, no, no.

#872

⇓

No, he hasn't. Yes, he sent his...

#873

⇓

he sent his regrets and his sympathies on...

#874

⇓

(voice breaks): on TV, but I-I...

#875

⇓

if I could just get an apology face-to-face,

#876

⇓

that would be fantastic.

#877

⇓

Just to... just for closure,

#878

⇓

just to put... just to put a b-button on it.

#879

⇓

Okay, yeah. But, uh...

#880

⇓

Hugh, I'm telling you, the answer's gonna be no.

#881

⇓

All right, in that... in that case, can you

#882

⇓

just give me-- Uh, hello?

#883

⇓

I think... They hung up.

#884

⇓

I don't think they're gonna go for it.

#885

⇓

Hmm. Oh, yes, they will.

#886

⇓

(door opens)

#887

⇓

(takes deep breath)

#888

⇓

HOMELANDER: Starlight.

#889

⇓

Don't want to be late to your first official meeting.

#890

⇓

I had a whole welcome speech planned.

#891

⇓

Sorry, sir.

#892

⇓

Please, Homelander's fine.

#893

⇓

Beginning to wonder if you'd even show up.

#894

⇓

I mean, all that pressure,

#895

⇓

it's a lot for anyone to swallow.

#896

⇓

Yeah. Don't worry, I'll be fine.

#897

⇓

I'm here,

#898

⇓

and I'm not going anywhere.

#899

⇓

TRANSLUCENT: Can we get back to this, please?

#900

⇓

This is a serious crime. These assholes pirated my movie

#901

⇓

three weeks before release,

#902

⇓

and you can't walk down 5th Avenue

#903

⇓

without bumping into a table of unlicensed Homelander shirts.

#904

⇓

Copyright infringement is costing Vought

#905

⇓

$1.2 billion per year.

#906

⇓

That's money out of our pockets.

#907

⇓

We've all got, what, four points each?

#908

⇓

What the fuck?

#909

⇓

You got four points?

#910

⇓

And clearly better lawyers.

#911

⇓

Hey, hey, hey, guys, come on.

#912

⇓

Stop.

#913

⇓

What's Starlight gonna think?

#914

⇓

Listening to us haggling over nickels.

#915

⇓

We're The Seven, for God's sake.

#916

⇓

Whether we're out there or we're in here.

#917

⇓

Now, what I do want to hear

#918

⇓

is who you saved this week.

#919

⇓

Huh?

#920

⇓

Who's up for that?

#921

⇓

(chuckles)

#922

⇓

Black Noir.

#923

⇓

Let's start with you, man.

#924

⇓

(engine shuts off)

#925

⇓

Do you have a dog?

#926

⇓

No.

#927

⇓

All right, give us your phone.

#928

⇓

There's fuck-all security to worry about.

#929

⇓

In fact, they're a bunch of muppets.

#930

⇓

And the metal detector won't pick this up.

#931

⇓

Right? And what they'll probably do is take you

#932

⇓

through the security and then up into the boardroom.

#933

⇓

Sit down. Be nice, congenial.

#934

⇓

Then, real polite-like, tell 'em you're gonna take a fake shit.

#935

⇓

Go into the bog, take the bug out.

#936

⇓

Peel back the plastic bit to reveal the sticky side.

#937

⇓

Put the plastic bit in the bog. Flush it.

#938

⇓

Then go back into the boardroom,

#939

⇓

sit down-- big smiles--

#940

⇓

plant the bug underneath the table.

#941

⇓

Easy peasy Japanesey.

#942

⇓

Bob's your uncle. That's that.

#943

⇓

-That's that? That was-- that was a lot. -Yeah.

#944

⇓

Th-- I've-- Hold on, can you just-- can you repeat it again?

#945

⇓

Just a little bit slower? Because I...

#946

⇓

Shh. Listen.

#947

⇓

-Fuck. (exhales) -Hughie, calm down, all right?

#948

⇓

This is like that scene in The Matrix.

#949

⇓

Now, you could take the fucking red pill, right?

#950

⇓

Spend the rest of your life jacking off,

#951

⇓

crying into your chai tea

#952

⇓

green latte, what the fuck. Or...

#953

⇓

you could take the blue pill.

#954

⇓

Or is it the red pill? Anyway, take the other pill

#955

⇓

-and quit being a cunt. -Which pill do you want me to take?

#956

⇓

Just quit being a cunt. That's what I'm saying.

#957

⇓

(quietly): Fuck me. Okay.

#958

⇓

("Take You Down" by Daniel Pemberton playing)

#959

⇓

♪ ♪

#960

⇓

(indistinct chatter)

#961

⇓

♪ ♪

#962

⇓

(beeping)

#963

⇓

Sir, could you empty your pockets, please?

#964

⇓

(beeping)

#965

⇓

♪ ♪

#966

⇓

Thank you.

#967

⇓

♪ ♪

#968

⇓

(grunts)

#969

⇓

Um...

#970

⇓

excuse me, can-can I, uh...

#971

⇓

can I use your bathroom?

#972

⇓

DOUG: Just to be clear, A-Train's apology

#973

⇓

isn't an admission of any sort of culpability whatsoever.

#974

⇓

Do you understand?

#975

⇓

(high-pitched ringing)

#976

⇓

(panting)

#977

⇓

(muffled): I'm sorry about what happened to your girlfriend,

#978

⇓

all right?

#979

⇓

(panting)

#980

⇓

(laughter)

#981

⇓

Hey, dude, are you okay?

#982

⇓

(ringing stops)

#983

⇓

Fine.

#984

⇓

I appreciate the apology.

#985

⇓

Accidents happen, right?

#986

⇓

After all,

#987

⇓

I mean, you were saving the world.

#988

⇓

Okay, great. Thank you so much. As you know,

#989

⇓

a crimefighter's work is never done. Douglas here will handle

#990

⇓

the rest of the paperwork for you, okay? Thank you.

#991

⇓

(speaking indistinctly)

#992

⇓

Can I use your bathroom?

#993

⇓

(grunts)

#994

⇓

-(door opens) -(clang)

#995

⇓

(groans quietly)

#996

⇓

(door shuts)

#997

⇓

(sighs)

#998

⇓

(inhales, exhales)

#999

⇓

(door opens)

#1000

⇓

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