Home » Fight Club (1999) » S01E01 — Fight Club (1999)

Fight Club (1999)

Season 1, Episode 1 — Fight Club (1999)

What, and I'm not?

#1001

⇓

Stickin' feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

#1002

⇓

What are we doin' tonight?

#1003

⇓

- Tonight? - Yeah.

#1004

⇓

- We make soap. - Really?

#1005

⇓

To make soap, first we render fat.

#1006

⇓

(walkie-talkie squawks)

#1007

⇓

MAN (on walkie-talkie, indistinct)

#1008

⇓

The salt balance has to be just right,

#1009

⇓

so the best fat for making soap comes from humans.

#1010

⇓

- Wait. What is this place? - A liposuction clinic.

#1011

⇓

A-ha! Pay dirt.

#1012

⇓

The richest, creamiest fat in the world.

#1013

⇓

Fat of the land.

#1014

⇓

No--

#1015

⇓

Don't pull it. No, don't pull it.

#1016

⇓

(grunting, muttering)

#1017

⇓

- Oh, God! Oh! - Get another one. (grunts)

#1018

⇓

As the fat renders, the tallows float to the surface.

#1019

⇓

Like in Boy Scouts.

#1020

⇓

It's hard to imagine you as a Boy Scout.

#1021

⇓

Keep stirrin'.

#1022

⇓

Once the tallow hardens, we skim off a layer of glycerin.

#1023

⇓

If you were to add nitric acid, you got nitroglycerin.

#1024

⇓

If you were then to add sodium nitrate and a dash of sawdust, you got dynamite.

#1025

⇓

Yeah, with enough soap,

#1026

⇓

one could blow up just about anything.

#1027

⇓

NARRATOR: Tyler was full of useful information.

#1028

⇓

Now, ancient peoples found that clothes got cleaner

#1029

⇓

when they washed them at a certain point in the river.

#1030

⇓

- You know why? - No.

#1031

⇓

(mutters)

#1032

⇓

'Cause human sacrifices were once made on the hills above this river.

#1033

⇓

Bodies burned. Water seeped through the wood and ashes to create lye.

#1034

⇓

This is lye, the crucial ingredient.

#1035

⇓

Once it mixed with the melted fat of the bodies,

#1036

⇓

a thick, white, soapy discharge crept into the river.

#1037

⇓

May I see your hand, please?

#1038

⇓

- (kisses) - What is this?

#1039

⇓

- This is a chemical burn. - Uh-- (screams)

#1040

⇓

It'll hurt more than you've ever been burned,

#1041

⇓

- and you will have a scar. - What are you doing?!

#1042

⇓

NARRATOR: If guided meditation worked for cancer, it could work for this.

#1043

⇓

- Stay with the pain. Don't shove this out. - No, no! Oh, God!

#1044

⇓

Look at your hand. The first soap was made from the ashes of heroes,

#1045

⇓

like the first monkey shot into space.

#1046

⇓

Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothin'.

#1047

⇓

NARRATOR: I tried not to think of the words "sear" or "flesh."

#1048

⇓

Stop it! This is your pain. This is your burning hand. It's right here.

#1049

⇓

I'm going to my cave. I'm going to my cave. I'm gonna find my power animal.

#1050

⇓

No! Don't deal with it the way those dead people do! Come on!

#1051

⇓

- I get the point! Okay! Please! - No. What you're feeling is premature enlightenment.

#1052

⇓

(coughs)

#1053

⇓

This is the greatest moment of your life, man, and you're off somewhere missing it.

#1054

⇓

I am not-- (shouting, indistinct)

#1055

⇓

Shut up. Our fathers were our models for God.

#1056

⇓

If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?

#1057

⇓

- No, no-- - Listen to me.

#1058

⇓

You have to consider the possibility

#1059

⇓

that God does not like you, and he never wanted you.

#1060

⇓

In all probability, he hates you.

#1061

⇓

- This is not the worst thing that can happen. - It isn't?

#1062

⇓

- We don't need him. - We don't! I agree!

#1063

⇓

Fuck damnation, man. Fuck redemption.

#1064

⇓

- We are God's unwanted children? So be it! - (shouting, indistinct)

#1065

⇓

Listen! You can run water over your hand to make it worse, or-- Look at me!

#1066

⇓

Or you can use vinegar to neutralize the burn.

#1067

⇓

- Please let me have it! Please! - First you have to give up.

#1068

⇓

First you have to know-- not fear--

#1069

⇓

know that someday you're gonna die.

#1070

⇓

You don't know how this feels! (sobbing)

#1071

⇓

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

#1072

⇓

Okay. (whimpering)

#1073

⇓

Congratulations.

#1074

⇓

You're one step closer to hitting bottom.

#1075

⇓

NARRATOR: Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar.

#1076

⇓

- God knows what they charged. - This is the best soap.

#1077

⇓

- Why, thank you, Suzie. - It was beautiful.

#1078

⇓

We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.

#1079

⇓

He was wearing his yellow tie.

#1080

⇓

I didn't even wear a tie to work anymore.

#1081

⇓

"The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club"?

#1082

⇓

I'm half asleep again. I must've left the original in the copy machine.

#1083

⇓

"The second rule of Fight Club"-- Is this yours?

#1084

⇓

- Huh? - Pretend you're me.

#1085

⇓

Make a managerial decision.

#1086

⇓

You find this. What would you do?

#1087

⇓

Well, I gotta tell ya,

#1088

⇓

I'd be very, very careful who you talk to about that.

#1089

⇓

Because the person who wrote that is dangerous.

#1090

⇓

And this buttoned-down, oxford cloth psycho might just snap

#1091

⇓

and then stalk from office to office

#1092

⇓

with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semiautomatic weapon,

#1093

⇓

pumping round after round into colleagues and coworkers.

#1094

⇓

This might be someone you've known for years,

#1095

⇓

someone very, very close to you.

#1096

⇓

NARRATOR: Tyler's words coming out of my mouth.

#1097

⇓

And I used to be such a nice guy.

#1098

⇓

Or maybe you just shouldn't bring me

#1099

⇓

every little piece of trash you happen to pick up.

#1100

⇓

(phone rings)

#1101

⇓

Compliance and Liability.

#1102

⇓

My tit's gonna rot off.

#1103

⇓

Will you excuse me? I need to take this.

#1104

⇓

- What are you talking about? - I need you to check and see if there's a lump in my breast.

#1105

⇓

- Go to a hospital. - I can't afford to throw money away on a doctor.

#1106

⇓

- I don't know about this, Marla. - Please?

#1107

⇓

NARRATOR: She didn't call Tyler. I'm neutral in her book.

#1108

⇓

That's nice. Taking food to Mrs. Hannaburr, Mrs. Raines?

#1109

⇓

- Where are they, exactly? - Tragically, they're dead.

#1110

⇓

I'm alive, and I'm in poverty. You want any?

#1111

⇓

- No. No, thank you. - I got one for you.

#1112

⇓

Thanks for the thought.

#1113

⇓

What happened to your hand?

#1114

⇓

Uh, nothin'.

#1115

⇓

- Right there? - Mmm.

#1116

⇓

Feel anything?

#1117

⇓

- No. - Well, make sure.

#1118

⇓

- Okay, I'm-I'm pretty sure. - You feel nothing?

#1119

⇓

No. Nothing.

#1120

⇓

Well, that's a relief. Thank you.

#1121

⇓

- Uh, I mean, no problem. - I wish I could return the favor.

#1122

⇓

- There's not a lot of breast cancer in the men in my family. - Could check your prostate.

#1123

⇓

Uh, I think I'm okay.

#1124

⇓

Well, thanks anyway.

#1125

⇓

- Are we done? - Yeah, we're done.

#1126

⇓

See you... around.

#1127

⇓

MEN (chattering)

#1128

⇓

Cornelius?

#1129

⇓

Cornelius!

#1130

⇓

It's me-- Bob!

#1131

⇓

Hey, Bob.

#1132

⇓

- (grunts) - We all thought you were dead.

#1133

⇓

No, no. Still here. (chuckles)

#1134

⇓

How are you, Bob?

#1135

⇓

Better than I've ever been in my whole life.

#1136

⇓

Really? You still remaining men together?

#1137

⇓

No, no. I got somethin' so much better now.

#1138

⇓

Really? What is it?

#1139

⇓

Well, first rule is

#1140

⇓

I'm not supposed to talk about it.

#1141

⇓

And the second rule is, I'm not supposed to talk about it.

#1142

⇓

- And the third rule is-- - Bob. Bob. I'm a member.

#1143

⇓

Look at my face, Bob.

#1144

⇓

(laughing)

#1145

⇓

That's fuckin'-- That's fuckin' great.

#1146

⇓

- I've-- I've never seen you there. - I go Tuesdays and Thursdays.

#1147

⇓

- I go Saturday. - Congratulations.

#1148

⇓

Yeah. Hey, to both of us, right?

#1149

⇓

- Have you heard about the guy that invented this thing? - Well, uh, yeah, actually. I--

#1150

⇓

- I hear all kinds of things. - Yeah?

#1151

⇓

Supposedly, he was born in a mental institution.

#1152

⇓

And he sleeps only one hour a night.

#1153

⇓

- He's a great man. - Oh--

#1154

⇓

Do you know about Tyler Durden?

#1155

⇓

MEN (shouting, cheering)

#1156

⇓

(shouts)

#1157

⇓

Take him down! Take him down!

#1158

⇓

- Take him down! - (grunting)

#1159

⇓

(cheering)

#1160

⇓

Yeah!

#1161

⇓

I didn't hurt you, did I?

#1162

⇓

Actually, you did.

#1163

⇓

Thank you for this. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

#1164

⇓

- NARRATOR: Fight Club. - (laughing)

#1165

⇓

- Bob-- Bob-- No, Bob. - This was mine and Tyler's gift--

#1166

⇓

our gift to the world.

#1167

⇓

- Look around. Look around. I see a lot of new faces. - (laughter)

#1168

⇓

- Shut up! - (laugher stops)

#1169

⇓

Which means a lot of you have been breaking the first two rules of Fight Club.

#1170

⇓

Man, I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived.

#1171

⇓

I see all this potential. And I see it squandered.

#1172

⇓

Goddamn it, an entire generation pumping gas,

#1173

⇓

waiting tables.

#1174

⇓

Slaves with white collars.

#1175

⇓

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes,

#1176

⇓

working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need.

#1177

⇓

We're the middle children of history, man.

#1178

⇓

No purpose or place.

#1179

⇓

We have no great war, no great depression.

#1180

⇓

Our great war's a spiritual war.

#1181

⇓

Our great depression is our lives.

#1182

⇓

We've all been raised on television to believe that one day

#1183

⇓

we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars.

#1184

⇓

But we won't.

#1185

⇓

And we're slowly learning that fact.

#1186

⇓

And we're very, very pissed off.

#1187

⇓

- MEN: Yeah! - (murmuring)

#1188

⇓

The first rule of Fight Club is

#1189

⇓

- you do not talk about-- - (loud banging)

#1190

⇓

- Who are you? - Who am I?

#1191

⇓

Yeah.

#1192

⇓

There's a sign in the front that says "Lou's Tavern."

#1193

⇓

I'm fuckin' Lou. Who the fuck are you?

#1194

⇓

Tyler Durden.

#1195

⇓

Who told you motherfuckers that you could use my place?

#1196

⇓

- We have a deal worked out with Irvin. - Irvin?

#1197

⇓

Irvin's at home with a broken collarbone.

#1198

⇓

He don't own this place. I do.

#1199

⇓

- How much money is he gettin' for this? - There is no money.

#1200

⇓

- Really? - Free to all.

#1201

⇓

- Ain't that somethin'? - It is, actually.

#1202

⇓

Look, stupid fuck,

#1203

⇓

- I want everybody outta here right now. - Hey.

#1204

⇓

You should join our club.

#1205

⇓

- Did you hear what I just said? - You and your friend.

#1206

⇓

- (grunting) - You hear me now?

#1207

⇓

No, I didn't quite catch that, Lou.

#1208

⇓

(spits, groans)

#1209

⇓

- Still not gettin' it. - Hey--

#1210

⇓

(groans) Okay, okay, okay. I got it.

#1211

⇓

I got it. I got it. Shit, I lost it.

#1212

⇓

Back! All of you!

#1213

⇓

- (gun cocks) - Everybody back.

#1214

⇓

(laughing)

#1215

⇓

(laughing continues)

#1216

⇓

Aw, Lou.

#1217

⇓

Come on, man. We really like this place.

#1218

⇓

(groans, laughs hysterically)

#1219

⇓

- Oh! Oh! Oh. That's right, Lou, get it out. - Shut the fuck up!

#1220

⇓

Oh, yeah!

#1221

⇓

Yeah! (laughing hysterically)

#1222

⇓

(laughing continues)

#1223

⇓

- Think that's fuckin' funny? - Oh, Lou!

#1224

⇓

Lou! (laughing hysterically)

#1225

⇓

Fuckin' guys are loony. I'm tellin' ya.

#1226

⇓

- Unbelievable. - (screams)

#1227

⇓

- (coughs) You don't know where I've been, Lou. - Oh, my God!

#1228

⇓

You don't know where I've been! (laughing)

#1229

⇓

- Lou! Please let us keep it, Lou! Please, Lou! - Okay!

#1230

⇓

Fuckin' use the basement! Christ!

#1231

⇓

I want your word, Lou! I want your word!

#1232

⇓

On my mother's honor.

#1233

⇓

(groaning)

#1234

⇓

(screaming, gagging)

#1235

⇓

- Thanks, Lou. - (gagging continues)

#1236

⇓

You too, big guy.

#1237

⇓

We'll see you next week.

#1238

⇓

This week, each one of you has a homework assignment.

#1239

⇓

You're gonna go out, and you're gonna start a fight with a total stranger.

#1240

⇓

MEN (murmuring)

#1241

⇓

You're gonna start a fight.

#1242

⇓

And you're gonna lose.

#1243

⇓

Excellent choice, sir.

#1244

⇓

Hey! Watch out, jackass! Come on!

#1245

⇓

NARRATOR: Now, this is not as easy as it sounds.

#1246

⇓

I'm thinkin' you really-- What? Son of a bitch--

#1247

⇓

- NARRATOR: Most people-- normal people... - (shouting)

#1248

⇓

...do just about anything to avoid a fight.

#1249

⇓

Excuse me. You sprayed me with your hose. I don't--

#1250

⇓

- Like that? - That's not necessary.

#1251

⇓

Dave! Go call 911!

#1252

⇓

- (screams) - Put the hose down. Stop it!

#1253

⇓

Stop it!

#1254

⇓

Sorry.

#1255

⇓

(shouting, indistinct)

#1256

⇓

Leave me alone! You crazy?

#1257

⇓

(grunts)

#1258

⇓

(grunting)

#1259

⇓

Bastard!

#1260

⇓

We need to talk.

#1261

⇓

- Okay. - (door closes)

#1262

⇓

Where to begin? With your constant absenteeism?

#1263

⇓

With your unpresentable appearance?

#1264

⇓

You're up for review.

#1265

⇓

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

#1266

⇓

- What? - Let's pretend.

#1267

⇓

You're the department of transportation. Okay?

#1268

⇓

Someone informs you that this company

#1269

⇓

installs front seat mounting brackets

#1270

⇓

that never pass collision tests,

#1271

⇓

brake linings that fail after a thousand miles

#1272

⇓

and fuel injectors that explode and burn people alive.

#1273

⇓

What then?

#1274

⇓

- Are you threatening me? - No.

#1275

⇓

- Get the fuck outta here. You're fired. - I have a better solution.

#1276

⇓

You keep me on the payroll as an outside consultant.

#1277

⇓

And in exchange for my salary, my job will be never to tell people

#1278

⇓

these things that I know.

#1279

⇓

I don't even have to come into the office. I can do this job from home.

#1280

⇓

Who-- Who the fuck do you think you are,

#1281

⇓

you crazy little shit?

#1282

⇓

- Security? - NARRATOR: I am Jack's smirking revenge.

#1283

⇓

(groans)

#1284

⇓

What the hell are you doing?

#1285

⇓

(groans, coughing)

#1286

⇓

(groans) That hurt.

#1287

⇓

Why would you do that?

#1288

⇓

Oh, my God. No! Please stop!

#1289

⇓

(choking)

#1290

⇓

What are you doing?

#1291

⇓

Oh, God, no! Please! No!

#1292

⇓

NARRATOR: For some reason, I thought of my first fight... with Tyler.

#1293

⇓

No!

#1294

⇓

(groaning)

#1295

⇓

Under and behind and inside

#1296

⇓

everything this man took for granted,

#1297

⇓

something horrible had been growing.

#1298

⇓

Now, look. Just give me the paychecks like I asked,

#1299

⇓

and you won't ever see me again.

#1300

⇓

And right then, at our most excellent moment together--

#1301

⇓

Oh, thank God. Please don't hit me again! Please!

#1302

⇓

- Telephone, computer, fax machine-- - (whistling)

#1303

⇓

Fifty-two weekly paychecks and 48 airline flight coupons.

#1304

⇓

We now had corporate sponsorship.

#1305

⇓

This is how Tyler and I were able to have Fight Club every night of the week.

#1306

⇓

(shouting, cheering)

#1307

⇓

Now nobody was the center of Fight Club except the two men fighting.

#1308

⇓

The leader walked through the crowd, out in the darkness.

#1309

⇓

Tyler was now involved in a class-action lawsuit

#1310

⇓

with the Pressman Hotel over the urine content of their soup.

#1311

⇓

(screaming)

#1312

⇓

I am Jack's wasted life.

#1313

⇓

Yeah! Yeah! (laughs) Yeah!

#1314

⇓

MAN: Thank you, sir.

#1315

⇓

NARRATOR: Tyler dreamed up new homework assignments.

#1316

⇓

He handed them out in sealed envelopes.

#1317

⇓

(whirring)

#1318

⇓

(whirring)

#1319

⇓

- Did you know there's a Fight Club up in Delaware City? - Yeah, I heard.

#1320

⇓

- (alarm wailing) - There's one in Penn's Grove too.

#1321

⇓

- Leave it. - Bob even found one up in Newcastle.

#1322

⇓

Yeah. Did you start that one?

#1323

⇓

- No. I thought you did. - Nah.

#1324

⇓

(scoffs)

#1325

⇓

(alarm wailing)

#1326

⇓

(cooing)

#1327

⇓

- Stop for a second. - Hey, what are we doing?

#1328

⇓

- Turn around. - What are we doing?

#1329

⇓

- Homework assignment. - What kind of homework assignment?

#1330

⇓

Human sacrifice.

#1331

⇓

Hey, is that a gun? Please-- Please tell me that's not a gun.

#1332

⇓

- It's a gun. - What are you doing?

#1333

⇓

- Meet me in the back. - No, no-- Hey, don't fuck around. This isn't--

#1334

⇓

Meet me in the back.

#1335

⇓

- NARRATOR: On a long enough time line... - Fuck!

#1336

⇓

...the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

#1337

⇓

- (whimpering) - Stop. What are you doing? Come on.

#1338

⇓

- Hands behind your back. - God.

#1339

⇓

Give me your wallet.

#1340

⇓

Raymond K. Hessel, 1320 Southeast Banning, apartment A.

#1341

⇓

- Small, cramped basement apartment, Raymond? - How did you know?

#1342

⇓

'Cause they give shitty basement apartments letters instead of numbers.

#1343

⇓

Raymond, you're going to die.

#1344

⇓

- (sobbing) Oh, my God, no. - Is that your mom and dad?

#1345

⇓

Mom and Dad are gonna have to call up kindly Dr. So-and-So

#1346

⇓

to pick up your dental records. Wanna know why?

#1347

⇓

- 'Cause there's gonna be nothing left of your face. - (whimpering)

#1348

⇓

- Aw, come on. Come on! - An expired community college student I.D.

#1349

⇓

- What'd you study, Raymond? - S-S-Stuff.

#1350

⇓

Stuff? Were the midterms hard?

#1351

⇓

- I asked you what you studied. - Biology, mostly.

#1352

⇓

- Why? - I-I don't know.

#1353

⇓

What did you want to be, Raymond K. Hessel?

#1354

⇓

The question, Raymond,

#1355

⇓

was what did you want to be?

#1356

⇓

Answer him, Raymond! Jesus!

#1357

⇓

- Veterinarian! Veterinarian! - Animals.

#1358

⇓

- Yeah, animal s-s-- - Stuff. Yeah, I got that.

#1359

⇓

- That means you have to get more schooling. - Too much school.

#1360

⇓

- Would you rather be dead? - No.

#1361

⇓

Would you rather die, here, on your knees, in the back of a convenience store?

#1362

⇓

(whimpering) No. No, please. No.

#1363

⇓

(hammer releases)

#1364

⇓

I'm keeping your license.

#1365

⇓

Gonna check in on you. I know where you live.

#1366

⇓

If you're not on your way to becoming a veterinarian in six weeks, you will be dead.

#1367

⇓

(whimpering)

#1368

⇓

Now run on home.

#1369

⇓

Run, Forrest, run!

#1370

⇓

I feel ill.

#1371

⇓

Imagine how he feels.

#1372

⇓

Come on. This isn't funny!

#1373

⇓

That wasn't funny. What the fuck was the point of that?

#1374

⇓

Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life.

#1375

⇓

His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.

#1376

⇓

NARRATOR: You had to give it to him.

#1377

⇓

- Come on. - He had a plan.

#1378

⇓

And it started to make sense in a Tyler sort of way.

#1379

⇓

No fear. No distractions.

#1380

⇓

The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.

#1381

⇓

You are not your job.

#1382

⇓

You're not how much money you have in the bank.

#1383

⇓

You're not the car you drive.

#1384

⇓

You're not the contents of your wallet.

#1385

⇓

You're not your fuckin' khakis.

#1386

⇓

You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

#1387

⇓

(footsteps on stairs)

#1388

⇓

I'll be out of your way in a sec.

#1389

⇓

You don't have to go.

#1390

⇓

Whatever.

#1391

⇓

No, I mean, uh-- It's okay.

#1392

⇓

(clattering)

#1393

⇓

(tools whirring)

#1394

⇓

(hammering)

#1395

⇓

You still going to groups?

#1396

⇓

Yeah.

#1397

⇓

- Chloe's dead. - Wow. Chloe.

#1398

⇓

When did that happen?

#1399

⇓

Do you care?

#1400

⇓

I don't know. I haven't thought about it in a while.

#1401

⇓

Yeah, well,

#1402

⇓

it was the smart move on her part.

#1403

⇓

Hey, listen, um--

#1404

⇓

What-What are you getting out of all this?

#1405

⇓

What?

#1406

⇓

I mean, all this. Why do you keep--

#1407

⇓

Is this making you happy?

#1408

⇓

Yeah, well, sometimes.

#1409

⇓

Wh-- I don't know. I don't understand.

#1410

⇓

I mean, why does a weaker person need to latch on to a strong person?

#1411

⇓

What-- What is that?

#1412

⇓

What do you get out of it?

#1413

⇓

No, that's-that's not the same thing at all.

#1414

⇓

I mean, we're-- It's totally different with us.

#1415

⇓

- We're-We're-- - "Us"?

#1416

⇓

- (saw whirring) - What do you mean by "us"?

#1417

⇓

- I'm sorry. Do you hear this? - Hear what?

#1418

⇓

You're not hearing all that noise? Just hold on a second.

#1419

⇓

No, wait. What were you saying? Don't change the subject. I want to talk about this.

#1420

⇓

- You're not talking about me, are you? - No. What?

#1421

⇓

That day you came over to my place to play doctor-- What was going on there?

#1422

⇓

What are you talking about?

#1423

⇓

- Nothing. Nothing. - I don't think so.

#1424

⇓

- Come on. What do you want? - Look at me.

#1425

⇓

- No. What? - Look at me.

#1426

⇓

- What is that? - It's nothing. Don't worry about it.

#1427

⇓

- Oh, my God. Who did this? - A person.

#1428

⇓

- Guy or girl? - What do you care if it's a guy or a girl?

#1429

⇓

- What do you care if I ask? - It's none of your business. Leave me alone.

#1430

⇓

- You're afraid to say it. - I am not afraid to say-- Let me go.

#1431

⇓

- No! Talk to me. - Let go of me. Leave me alone.

#1432

⇓

- This conversation... - This conversation...

#1433

⇓

- ...is over. - ...is over.

#1434

⇓

I just can't win with you, can I?

#1435

⇓

Hey, you know, this is getting a little old.

#1436

⇓

(doorbell rings)

#1437

⇓

Wh-What-- What is all this?

#1438

⇓

What do you think?

#1439

⇓

Hey, why do we need bunk beds?

#1440

⇓

Hey!

#1441

⇓

Too young.

#1442

⇓

Sorry.

#1443

⇓

What's all that? What--

#1444

⇓

Right. If the applicant is young, tell him he's too young.

#1445

⇓

- Old, too old. Fat, too fat. - Applicant?

#1446

⇓

If the applicant then waits for three days

#1447

⇓

without food, shelter or encouragement,

#1448

⇓

he may then enter and begin his training.

#1449

⇓

Training for what?

#1450

⇓

You think this is a game?

#1451

⇓

You're too young to train here. End of story.

#1452

⇓

Now quit wasting our time. Get the fuck out of here.

#1453

⇓

Bad news, friend.

#1454

⇓

It's not gonna happen.

#1455

⇓

I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding.

#1456

⇓

It's not the end of the world. Just go away.

#1457

⇓

Go. 'Cause you are trespassing,

#1458

⇓

and I will have to call the police.

#1459

⇓

Don't you look at me. Do you think you're ever getting in this house?

#1460

⇓

You're never getting in this fucking house.

#1461

⇓

Never. Now get the fuck off my porch. Get off my porch!

#1462

⇓

NARRATOR: Sooner or later, we all became what Tyler wanted us to be.

#1463

⇓

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