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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
» S08E03 — The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre
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Season 8, Episode 3 — The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre
Go ahead.
#1006
⇓
You got it.
#1007
⇓
Stupid asses.
#1008
⇓
One down, one to go.
#1009
⇓
Nice try, Frank.
#1010
⇓
What the hell is going on?
#1011
⇓
Get the hell out of the way.
#1012
⇓
Get out of the way!
#1013
⇓
Jesus Christ!
#1014
⇓
We gotta get out of here.
#1015
⇓
I'm not going anywhere, Frank.
#1016
⇓
I'm not going anywhere till I get that signature.
#1017
⇓
Go, go, go!
#1018
⇓
Hey, dude, check it out.
#1019
⇓
Remember when Dee, you know,
#1020
⇓
she sucked that bat poison
#1021
⇓
or whatever out of Frank's head from the vampire bat?
#1022
⇓
Yeah.
#1023
⇓
That must be what turned her into a zombie.
#1024
⇓
Why would a vampire bat turn you into a zombie?
#1025
⇓
You're mixing up your horror genres.
#1026
⇓
If anything, it would turn you into a vampire.
#1027
⇓
Right or a bat, or a bat.
#1028
⇓
Or Batman.
#1029
⇓
No, a vampire turns you into a vampire.
#1030
⇓
A zombie turns you into a zombie
#1031
⇓
and Batman didn't get turned into anything.
#1032
⇓
He just likes bats.
#1033
⇓
That can't possibly be what Batman's about.
#1034
⇓
It's about a grown man who dresses up like a bat?
#1035
⇓
And goes around solving crimes and mysteries, yes.
#1036
⇓
These are Academy Award winning movies.
#1037
⇓
This is serious stuff.
#1038
⇓
Well, you know the Academy, Charlie, I mean...
#1039
⇓
I know the Academy as well as anybody.
#1040
⇓
Sometimes, it's atrocious.
#1041
⇓
Well, to bring it all back
#1042
⇓
around, I think when Dee drank
#1043
⇓
the bat blood, that's how she got sick.
#1044
⇓
Frank's blood.
#1045
⇓
Yes, but the bat juices.
#1046
⇓
You know, the bat saliva, bat rabies.
#1047
⇓
No, no, it's not... Bat rabies, I buy.
#1048
⇓
Bat rabies.
#1049
⇓
Yeah.
#1050
⇓
Like the... Dude, we got to get out of here.
#1051
⇓
Yeah, go.
#1052
⇓
Things had gotten completely insane.
#1053
⇓
Dennis was trying to get the signature from Maureen, but we
#1054
⇓
were just trying to get the hell out of there.
#1055
⇓
Oh, my God.
#1056
⇓
What the hell?
#1057
⇓
Frank, what the hell's going on?
#1058
⇓
Dude, we got to get out of here.
#1059
⇓
Where's Dennis?
#1060
⇓
I lost him.
#1061
⇓
You guys, I couldn't get it.
#1062
⇓
I couldn't get it.
#1063
⇓
She wouldn't sign it.
#1064
⇓
I couldn't get the stupid bitch to sign.
#1065
⇓
She didn't sign?
#1066
⇓
This has all gone bad.
#1067
⇓
It's gone terribly, terribly bad.
#1068
⇓
What did you do?
#1069
⇓
I did something bad.
#1070
⇓
I did something really, really bad; guys, we got to get out of
#1071
⇓
here before everybody finds out what happened.
#1072
⇓
Guys, I messed up.
#1073
⇓
I messed up bad.
#1074
⇓
All right, guys, let's just make a break for it.
#1075
⇓
Which way?
#1076
⇓
One, two, three, go.
#1077
⇓
Come on, come on, this way, this way, this way.
#1078
⇓
My face! My face!
#1079
⇓
My face!
#1080
⇓
One, two, three.
#1081
⇓
Oh, God!
#1082
⇓
Frank!
#1083
⇓
Over here, over here.
#1084
⇓
And then that's where you picked us up, and honestly,
#1085
⇓
that's all that we know.
#1086
⇓
Yes.
#1087
⇓
So you're telling me that this was a wedding full of zombies?
#1088
⇓
Yeah.
#1089
⇓
Well, bat rabies zombies.
#1090
⇓
Whatever.
#1091
⇓
There was weird incestuous jealousies, we don't know what
#1092
⇓
was going on.
#1093
⇓
Bottom line, you got the wrong guys. We're innocent.
#1094
⇓
Yes, we're totally innocent.
#1095
⇓
Marconi, we just picked somebody up from the site who's
#1096
⇓
claiming to know what happened.
#1097
⇓
She was locked in a freezer.
#1098
⇓
Don't let her in here.
#1099
⇓
No, she's been infected.
#1100
⇓
I'm not infected, you stupid idiots.
#1101
⇓
No one was infected.
#1102
⇓
Here's what happened.
#1103
⇓
Let them hash it out themselves.
#1104
⇓
It'll bust up.
#1105
⇓
Yeah.
#1106
⇓
I'm gonna go.
#1107
⇓
Deandra.
#1108
⇓
Dee's nuts.
#1109
⇓
What's the haps?
#1110
⇓
Here, have a sip, right from the cow's titty.
#1111
⇓
You'll love it.
#1112
⇓
No, Bill, no.
#1113
⇓
I got to get out of here, okay?
#1114
⇓
Shit is going crazy.
#1115
⇓
No, don't go.
#1116
⇓
Party's just starting.
#1117
⇓
You got to have some.
#1118
⇓
Come on, try it.
#1119
⇓
Come on, it'll loosen you up a bit, make your butthole hot.
#1120
⇓
How is drinking a glass of milk going to loosen me up, Bill?
#1121
⇓
Well, I spiked the milk with methylenedioxypyrovalerone.
#1122
⇓
What?
#1123
⇓
It's bath salts.
#1124
⇓
Yeah, yeah, it's like coke and acid and meth all combined.
#1125
⇓
It's awesome.
#1126
⇓
Yeah, I get it.
#1127
⇓
So everyone here is on bath salts?
#1128
⇓
Yeah, pretty much.
#1129
⇓
Oh, my God, just move.
#1130
⇓
Bath salts?
#1131
⇓
The drug that makes people eat each other's faces?
#1132
⇓
Wait, that would explain the zombie behavior.
#1133
⇓
Right, okay, Dee, so you were on bath salts and that's why you
#1134
⇓
went all nuts on us.
#1135
⇓
Now it makes sense.
#1136
⇓
That is not why I went nuts on you guys.
#1137
⇓
Huh?
#1138
⇓
I went nuts on you because of what you assholes did to my
#1139
⇓
goddamn car!
#1140
⇓
Dude, when was the last time you drove a car?
#1141
⇓
Don't worry about it, man.
#1142
⇓
I can drive; I remember how.
#1143
⇓
What?
#1144
⇓
No, no, no, no, no.
#1145
⇓
No, no, no, no, wait.
#1146
⇓
No!
#1147
⇓
What happened, dude?
#1148
⇓
What happened?
#1149
⇓
I forgot how to drive.
#1150
⇓
I forgot how to drive.
#1151
⇓
Oh, God.
#1152
⇓
Oh, look, Charlie, there's Dee.
#1153
⇓
Dee, don't go down that way.
#1154
⇓
We just got attacked by a bunch of zombie people.
#1155
⇓
The shuttle's gone.
#1156
⇓
Zombies must have stolen your car.
#1157
⇓
There's no way out of here.
#1158
⇓
Dude...
#1159
⇓
You sons of bitches!
#1160
⇓
You're gonna pay!
#1161
⇓
You're all gonna pay!
#1162
⇓
I'll kill you!
#1163
⇓
You assholes, you'll pay!
#1164
⇓
No, we won't pay.
#1165
⇓
We never do.
#1166
⇓
Okay, well, there it is.
#1167
⇓
You know, there's the whole story.
#1168
⇓
Ponderosa spiked the punch.
#1169
⇓
Somebody hopped up on bath salts but Liam's face,
#1170
⇓
and, uh, case closed, you know?
#1171
⇓
Hey, good for you.
#1172
⇓
Good for us.
#1173
⇓
Bye.
#1174
⇓
Ba-da-bing.
#1175
⇓
Hey, whoa.
#1176
⇓
Sit down, slick.
#1177
⇓
Now that may explain some of the shit that went on here, but it
#1178
⇓
doesn't answer the question of the missing bride.
#1179
⇓
Since you're the one with motive and the last one to be
#1180
⇓
seen with her, you're my new #1 suspect.
#1181
⇓
No, no.
#1182
⇓
That's... I didn't murder her.
#1183
⇓
Then tell me what happened to her!
#1184
⇓
I-I don't know.
#1185
⇓
I don't know.
#1186
⇓
Listen, if you confess, I can help you, but you got
#1187
⇓
to tell me what happened.
#1188
⇓
Okay, all right, all right, all right. Okay.
#1189
⇓
Look, if I tell you what I did, will you just help me, please?
#1190
⇓
Because I need help.
#1191
⇓
I'll see what I can do with the DA, but I need you to confess.
#1192
⇓
Okay, fine.
#1193
⇓
Fine.
#1194
⇓
I-I was just going to see her to get the final signature so I
#1195
⇓
could put this whole thing behind me.
#1196
⇓
When I saw her... Something bad happened.
#1197
⇓
Something very bad.
#1198
⇓
Oh, shit.
#1199
⇓
Oh, God, Maureen.
#1200
⇓
That was terrible.
#1201
⇓
Who did those tits?
#1202
⇓
The nipple placement is crazy.
#1203
⇓
- I love you, Dennis Reynolds. - No, you don't.
#1204
⇓
I love you.
#1205
⇓
No, look, you're just gonna sign these papers and we're
#1206
⇓
gonna be done with this, okay?
#1207
⇓
Never.
#1208
⇓
Let's run away together.
#1209
⇓
Oh, I'm gonna run away, but not with you.
#1210
⇓
I'm gonna find you.
#1211
⇓
Oh, no, no, you're not gonna find me, no, no.
#1212
⇓
We can't do this, Maureen.
#1213
⇓
Oh, no, please.
#1214
⇓
What have I done?
#1215
⇓
Oh, God, what have I done?
#1216
⇓
Oh, God.
#1217
⇓
Oh, God!
#1218
⇓
So all that shit about us ruining the wedding...
#1219
⇓
And the zombies and the bath salts and the blood...
#1220
⇓
It turns out you blew it yourself.
#1221
⇓
Yeah, congratulations, Frank.
#1222
⇓
You win.
#1223
⇓
I'm gonna be paying alimony to that crazy bitch for the rest of my life.
#1224
⇓
You expect me to believe this woman's gonna throw her entire
#1225
⇓
life away just to sleep with her ex-husband on her wedding night?
#1226
⇓
Huh?
#1227
⇓
Really?
#1228
⇓
Mr. Reynolds, you're free to go.
#1229
⇓
What?
#1230
⇓
Why am I free...?
#1231
⇓
No.
#1232
⇓
Yes.
#1233
⇓
No.
#1234
⇓
Someone posted your bail.
#1235
⇓
Come on, silly head.
#1236
⇓
Let's go home and put this whole adventure behind us.
#1237
⇓
No.
#1238
⇓
No!
#1239
⇓
No!
#1240
⇓
No, you got to help me.
#1241
⇓
What have I done?
#1242
⇓
You got to help me!
#1243
⇓
What have I done? No! No! No!
#1244
⇓
Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
#1245
⇓
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