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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
» S08E03 — The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre
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Season 8, Episode 3 — The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre
Oh, God!
#1
⇓
Run!
#2
⇓
Where are you guys?!
#3
⇓
What's happening?!
#4
⇓
Over here!
#5
⇓
Over here!
#6
⇓
Frank!
#7
⇓
Where are you?
#8
⇓
Frank!
#9
⇓
Charlie!
#10
⇓
Oh, my God!
#11
⇓
Over here.
#12
⇓
We're all here?!
#13
⇓
We're all here?!
#14
⇓
Guys!
#15
⇓
Stop!
#16
⇓
Stop where you are!
#17
⇓
You four got some explaining to do.
#18
⇓
Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
#19
⇓
I got 15 different wedding guests out there with various
#20
⇓
degrees of injury.
#21
⇓
I got a groom... face is half gone!
#22
⇓
And I'm still missing a bride.
#23
⇓
I don't know what happened back there, but we are innocent.
#24
⇓
We're completely innocent.
#25
⇓
Yeah, well, you four bozos are the only people on the scene
#26
⇓
that weren't invited.
#27
⇓
So you can see how bad this looks.
#28
⇓
Now, who is Mr. Dennis Reynolds?
#29
⇓
Oh, that's me.
#30
⇓
Hmm, hello, Dennis.
#31
⇓
Those are some interesting marks on your neck.
#32
⇓
Let me guess.
#33
⇓
Ex-wife's getting remarried, you get a little jealous.
#34
⇓
Get your buddies together, you decide to break up that party.
#35
⇓
So you crash the wedding, get a little tipsy, things take a violent turn.
#36
⇓
No, no, no, look.
#37
⇓
That is the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen.
#38
⇓
I wanted to make sure that that wedding happened!
#39
⇓
Why is Maureen getting married in the middle of the woods?
#40
⇓
I don't know.
#41
⇓
Some people find the woods romantic, I guess.
#42
⇓
And why get married on Friday the 13th?
#43
⇓
It's a monster day.
#44
⇓
I don't know and I don't care.
#45
⇓
I just want to make sure the wedding happens.
#46
⇓
I'm tired of paying alimony.
#47
⇓
Well, we got your back, bro.
#48
⇓
Don't worry about that.
#49
⇓
I don't need you to have my back.
#50
⇓
Three people crashing a wedding... it's gonna make a scene.
#51
⇓
Why couldn't you just let me do this alone?
#52
⇓
Just don't like getting bussed up there.
#53
⇓
I feel like we're gonna be trapped.
#54
⇓
I don't, I don't like any of this.
#55
⇓
Oh, no.
#56
⇓
No, no.
#57
⇓
I don't like this place already.
#58
⇓
This is a strange place, right?
#59
⇓
I'm seeing a lot of bats.
#60
⇓
Yeah, there's bats everywhere.
#61
⇓
You know why?
#62
⇓
'Cause it's Friday the 13th.
#63
⇓
No, no, no, stop.
#64
⇓
Will you stop with that?
#65
⇓
It's not because it's Friday the 13th.
#66
⇓
We're in the woods.
#67
⇓
Stop being paranoid.
#68
⇓
Still, this is creepy.
#69
⇓
I mean, who gets married in a spot like this?
#70
⇓
Oh, Jesus Christ!
#71
⇓
You guys crashing my wedding?
#72
⇓
Wait.
#73
⇓
What?!
#74
⇓
You?!
#75
⇓
Wait, Liam, you're marrying Maureen?
#76
⇓
Big-time.
#77
⇓
Don't be jelly.
#78
⇓
What the hell is going on here?
#79
⇓
What's your angle?
#80
⇓
Oldest angle in the book, my friend.
#81
⇓
Love.
#82
⇓
I don't buy this, okay?
#83
⇓
I thought you were in love with Ryan.
#84
⇓
What's your brother think about all this?
#85
⇓
Ryan's dead to me.
#86
⇓
Do you hear me?
#87
⇓
He's dead!
#88
⇓
So, I take it he doesn't approve?
#89
⇓
That's a negative, Ronald McDonald.
#90
⇓
Now, I'd ask you guys to leave, but I'm just too damn happy.
#91
⇓
See you bitches on the dance floor.
#92
⇓
I don't like this, okay?
#93
⇓
This is a McPoyle-Ponderosa wedding.
#94
⇓
This is, this is bad.
#95
⇓
Look, look, if you're gonna be here, I need your support.
#96
⇓
You need to help me make sure this wedding goes off without a hitch.
#97
⇓
Hold on. What made you think this wasn't gonna happen?
#98
⇓
Mac had heard there were some people there who wanted to ruin the wedding.
#99
⇓
Who?
#100
⇓
Him.
#101
⇓
Ah!
#102
⇓
That is bullshit!
#103
⇓
I was there to support my buddy.
#104
⇓
That was a swervy road.
#105
⇓
Yeah.
#106
⇓
What are you guys doing here?
#107
⇓
Oh, my God, I knew it.
#108
⇓
You're here to break up this wedding.
#109
⇓
What are you talking about?
#110
⇓
I'm here to support my friend, Bill Ponderosa.
#111
⇓
I'm his AA sponsor!
#112
⇓
Bullshit!
#113
⇓
You two love the fact that I have to pay alimony the rest of my life.
#114
⇓
You love the power you have over me with this financial burden.
#115
⇓
You know what, Dennis, not everything is about you, okay?
#116
⇓
I am here to support Frank.
#117
⇓
No, you two are here to make a scene.
#118
⇓
Oh!
#119
⇓
If anybody's making a scene, it's you!
#120
⇓
Ow! Ow!
#121
⇓
I just got tagged by a bat!
#122
⇓
He got you.
#123
⇓
I got tagged!
#124
⇓
Suck out the poison, Dee!
#125
⇓
I'm not sucking on your head.
#126
⇓
Suck it out!
#127
⇓
I'll give you $200, you suck it out.
#128
⇓
$200? I'll do it!
#129
⇓
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
#130
⇓
I'll do it for $200.
#131
⇓
Suck it quick.
#132
⇓
What are you...?
#133
⇓
This is the kind of thing that I was talking about!
#134
⇓
Suck it harder!
#135
⇓
Go home, please!
#136
⇓
Suck it harder!
#137
⇓
I got it.
#138
⇓
Did you swallow it?!
#139
⇓
Of course I swallowed.
#140
⇓
Make yourself throw up!
#141
⇓
Yeah, you swallowed the poison!
#142
⇓
Get it out! Get it out!
#143
⇓
Vomit! Vomit!
#144
⇓
What are you doing?!
#145
⇓
There is no poison from a bat!
#146
⇓
No! You are gonna ruin this!
#147
⇓
You're all gonna ruin this!
#148
⇓
You all right?
#149
⇓
It won't come, Frank.
#150
⇓
Deandra.
#151
⇓
Yeah?
#152
⇓
Let's go break up this wedding.
#153
⇓
Whoa, stop, stop!
#154
⇓
So you were there to break up the wedding.
#155
⇓
Shit.
#156
⇓
Did I just say that part?
#157
⇓
Yeah.
#158
⇓
Why did you want to break up the wedding?
#159
⇓
For all the things he just said.
#160
⇓
That was accurate.
#161
⇓
But it wasn't just our idea to break up the wedding.
#162
⇓
Not at first.
#163
⇓
Last week, we had a visitor at the bar.
#164
⇓
They have to be stopped.
#165
⇓
The McPoyle bloodline's been pure and clean for a thousand years.
#166
⇓
This marriage is an abomination.
#167
⇓
Now, when you say "pure and clean ," uh, you mean what, exactly?
#168
⇓
Means we haven't bred outside the bloodline.
#169
⇓
For a thousand years?
#170
⇓
Yeah.
#171
⇓
That makes a lot of sense.
#172
⇓
Dennis knows Maureen better than anyone.
#173
⇓
Only he can talk her out of this.
#174
⇓
The last thing Dennis wants to do is break up this wedding.
#175
⇓
But we do.
#176
⇓
Okay, I brought a disguise.
#177
⇓
Meh!
#178
⇓
They're gonna know who you are.
#179
⇓
This will work.
#180
⇓
Now sneak me in so we can go kill Maureen.
#181
⇓
Kill?
#182
⇓
Who said anything about killing anybody?
#183
⇓
No one's killing anyone.
#184
⇓
We'll sneak you in to Liam so you guys can talk or bang or
#185
⇓
whatever it is you want to do.
#186
⇓
Frank!
#187
⇓
Frank!
#188
⇓
Oh, thank God you're here, man.
#189
⇓
I am not gonna make it.
#190
⇓
I am itching to get blitzed.
#191
⇓
Weddings are a big trigger for me, man.
#192
⇓
Why are you telling me this?
#193
⇓
You're my sponsor, Frank.
#194
⇓
Come on.
#195
⇓
My support system.
#196
⇓
Oh, right, right, right.
#197
⇓
Of course.
#198
⇓
So, do whatever you feel is best.
#199
⇓
Well, I feel it would be best if I pounded a beer.
#200
⇓
I'll support that decision.
#201
⇓
I wish I could.
#202
⇓
I mean, it's a dry wedding, for God's sakes.
#203
⇓
They're serving milk.
#204
⇓
I feel like maybe I should do some drugs then, you know?
#205
⇓
That bad?
#206
⇓
You earned it.
#207
⇓
Yeah.
#208
⇓
You do whatever you feel like.
#209
⇓
You're a good person.
#210
⇓
Frank.
#211
⇓
Mm.
#212
⇓
Cool, cool.
#213
⇓
Thank you.
#214
⇓
Thank you.
#215
⇓
Diddly Dee.
#216
⇓
Miss me?
#217
⇓
Don't answer that.
#218
⇓
All right.
#219
⇓
Catch you guys later.
#220
⇓
You're a bad sponsor.
#221
⇓
Why?
#222
⇓
I supported every decision he wanted to make.
#223
⇓
Stop wasting time!
#224
⇓
Ow! God!
#225
⇓
Let's go find Liam.
#226
⇓
Shit!
#227
⇓
Don't hit me.
#228
⇓
Things have already taken a bit of a dark turn, it would seem.
#229
⇓
Yeah.
#230
⇓
Okay, I need to get to Maureen before Frank and Dee.
#231
⇓
All right?
#232
⇓
Oh, we'll come with you.
#233
⇓
No, just hang back.
#234
⇓
I got this, okay?
#235
⇓
Dude, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
#236
⇓
Yeah.
#237
⇓
We could definitely get laid here.
#238
⇓
Huh? What?
#239
⇓
Maureen, I need to speak with you.
#240
⇓
Dennis!
#241
⇓
OMG, what are you doing here?
#242
⇓
Well, uh, I have reason to believe that someone is here to
#243
⇓
destroy this special day for you, so I'm sure to make sure
#244
⇓
that doesn't happen.
#245
⇓
That is so sweet, Dennis.
#246
⇓
I also brought along some legal documents, so if we could
#247
⇓
just wrap this up lickety-split.
#248
⇓
Legal documents? What?
#249
⇓
Yeah, I realize my timing is a little unorthodox, but, uh, I
#250
⇓
figure what better way to make sure your union is totally
#251
⇓
complete than by having you sign these documents that I need you to sign?
#252
⇓
So if I can just get your signature right here, and I'll
#253
⇓
run up and get Liam's signature, and this'll be on the books and
#254
⇓
your wedding... Muh!
#255
⇓
My Maureen, you've... you've enhanced yourself.
#256
⇓
Yeah, I got my tooth fixed.
#257
⇓
I'm talking about your tits!
#258
⇓
You big, giant new titties, Maureen!
#259
⇓
Why would you do that now?
#260
⇓
Why not when we were together when I could've...?
#261
⇓
I told you I was willing to change.
#262
⇓
Yeah, but I didn't know you meant physically,
#263
⇓
that you would change physically.
#264
⇓
Why weren't you more clear with me, Maureen?
#265
⇓
All right, you know what?
#266
⇓
I'm not gonna get distracted.
#267
⇓
Just, just sign right here... Wait! What are you doing in here?!
#268
⇓
You can't see the bride before the ceremony!
#269
⇓
No, no!
#270
⇓
Get out!
#271
⇓
I just need her to sign this!
#272
⇓
No! Get out of here!
#273
⇓
Wait, wait, wait! Maureen!
#274
⇓
No matter what happens, you got to go through with this!
#275
⇓
Out!
#276
⇓
Liam is your destiny, Maureen!
#277
⇓
Oh, here he comes.
#278
⇓
I didn't get it.
#279
⇓
I mean, I'm so close, I'm so close.
#280
⇓
Do you know where Liam is? Maybe I can get his signature first.
#281
⇓
I didn't see him anywhere.
#282
⇓
I'm sorry, but I got to bring this up.
#283
⇓
Things are getting really weird.
#284
⇓
I mean, check out Pappy McPoyle.
#285
⇓
What is that all about?
#286
⇓
I'll tell you what that's all about.
#287
⇓
Zombies.
#288
⇓
Zombies?
#289
⇓
I seen it once before in a rat, and I seen it now in men.
#290
⇓
Once one gets a taste for its own kind, it can spread through
#291
⇓
the pack like a wildfire.
#292
⇓
Mindlessly chomping and biting at their own hinds.
#293
⇓
Nothing but the taste of flesh on their minds.
#294
⇓
You know the thing about a rat?
#295
⇓
It's got life in its eyes.
#296
⇓
Black eyes like a doll's eye.
#297
⇓
Don't seem to be living at all when it come at ya.
#298
⇓
Till it bites ya.
#299
⇓
And then the eyes roll over white.
#300
⇓
You don't hear nothing but the screaming and the hollering.
#301
⇓
What are you doing?!
#302
⇓
Are you doing the speech from Jaws?
#303
⇓
- Nah... - Are you doing Jaws?
#304
⇓
We don't have time for this shit.
#305
⇓
This is serious.
#306
⇓
Look, it wasn't zombies, okay?
#307
⇓
Really?
#308
⇓
Yeah.
#309
⇓
Then you explain what happened next.
#310
⇓
Okay, it's time to get out of here.
#311
⇓
I mean, look at that guy.
#312
⇓
The McPoyles sprung from my loins, fully formed!
#313
⇓
One of them babies tried to eat me!
#314
⇓
I ate him first!
#315
⇓
I ate him first!
#316
⇓
Okay, I'm with Charlie. I'm leaving.
#317
⇓
Wait. You guys are just gonna leave?
#318
⇓
You're gonna, you're gonna go?
#319
⇓
Yeah, we're out.
#320
⇓
You know what? I don't give a shit.
#321
⇓
Yeah, go, go, go. Yeah, get the hell out of here!
#322
⇓
I didn't want you here in the first place!
#323
⇓
Yeah, I understand the McPoyle bloodline's very strong.
#324
⇓
Legions of us thousand sturdy ones ruled this fine land.
#325
⇓
Our bloodline was as pure as the driven snow.
#326
⇓
Mm-hmm. And then what happened?
#327
⇓
Syphilis killed about half of us.
#328
⇓
Mm.
#329
⇓
Mongoloidism got most of the rest.
#330
⇓
Right.
#331
⇓
Yep.
#332
⇓
Well, there's somebody inside who wants to talk to you about this.
#333
⇓
Mm?
#334
⇓
Who's this guy?
#335
⇓
Ryan!
#336
⇓
We need to talk!
#337
⇓
We'll leave you guys alone.
#338
⇓
Let them hash it out themselves.
#339
⇓
It'll bust up.
#340
⇓
What the hell is that?
#341
⇓
Holy shit.
#342
⇓
I'm gonna go.
#343
⇓
No, no, no, Deandra!
#344
⇓
What?
#345
⇓
- No, you gotta stay! - I don't have to stay.
#346
⇓
You gotta finish this.
#347
⇓
Uh, I'm not going to.
#348
⇓
But we're not done!
#349
⇓
Don't, don't go out there!
#350
⇓
Deandra!
#351
⇓
And we never saw Dee again.
#352
⇓
Oh, no.
#353
⇓
No.
#354
⇓
We saw Dee.
#355
⇓
Yeah.
#356
⇓
Yeah, that's when the shit started hitting the fan.
#357
⇓
Oh, look, there's Dee! Dee!
#358
⇓
Dee! Don't go down there!
#359
⇓
Do not go down there!
#360
⇓
We just got attacked by a bunch of zombies!
#361
⇓
Yeah, and the shuttle bus is gone!
#362
⇓
A zombie must have stolen your car!
#363
⇓
Your car is gone!
#364
⇓
There's no way out of here!
#365
⇓
There's no way out!
#366
⇓
What are you doing?
#367
⇓
She's infected! She's infected!
#368
⇓
Liam? Liam?!
#369
⇓
Liam! Hello, Liam?
#370
⇓
Frank?
#371
⇓
Hi, Dennis.
#372
⇓
What did you do with Liam?
#373
⇓
You're too late.
#374
⇓
He's getting talked out of it!
#375
⇓
Ha-ha-ha!
#376
⇓
Get out of my way.
#377
⇓
No!
#378
⇓
Get out of my way, Frank!
#379
⇓
Hey, man.
#380
⇓
What are you guys doing?
#381
⇓
I'm begging Liam for forgiveness!
#382
⇓
It's time we move on.
#383
⇓
Liam convinced me it's not
#384
⇓
our blood that's being tainted.
#385
⇓
It's us tainting the blood of others.
#386
⇓
McPoyles will take over the world!
#387
⇓
Goddamn it! It backfired!
#388
⇓
Wonderful.
#389
⇓
And first step towards that is signing this.
#390
⇓
So Liam, if you'd just sign right there, please.
#391
⇓
Just sign right there.
#392
⇓
Go ahead.
#393
⇓
You got it.
#394
⇓
Stupid asses.
#395
⇓
One down, one to go.
#396
⇓
Nice try, Frank.
#397
⇓
What the hell is going on?
#398
⇓
Get the hell out of the way.
#399
⇓
Get out of the way!
#400
⇓
Jesus Christ!
#401
⇓
We gotta get out of here.
#402
⇓
I'm not going anywhere, Frank.
#403
⇓
I'm not going anywhere till I get that signature.
#404
⇓
Go, go, go!
#405
⇓
Hey, dude, check it out.
#406
⇓
Remember when Dee, you know,
#407
⇓
she sucked that bat poison
#408
⇓
or whatever out of Frank's head from the vampire bat?
#409
⇓
Yeah.
#410
⇓
That must be what turned her into a zombie.
#411
⇓
Why would a vampire bat turn you into a zombie?
#412
⇓
You're mixing up your horror genres.
#413
⇓
If anything, it would turn you into a vampire.
#414
⇓
Right or a bat, or a bat.
#415
⇓
Or Batman.
#416
⇓
No, a vampire turns you into a vampire.
#417
⇓
A zombie turns you into a zombie
#418
⇓
and Batman didn't get turned into anything.
#419
⇓
He just likes bats.
#420
⇓
That can't possibly be what Batman's about.
#421
⇓
It's about a grown man who dresses up like a bat?
#422
⇓
And goes around solving crimes and mysteries, yes.
#423
⇓
These are Academy Award winning movies.
#424
⇓
This is serious stuff.
#425
⇓
Well, you know the Academy, Charlie, I mean...
#426
⇓
I know the Academy as well as anybody.
#427
⇓
Sometimes, it's atrocious.
#428
⇓
Well, to bring it all back
#429
⇓
around, I think when Dee drank
#430
⇓
the bat blood, that's how she got sick.
#431
⇓
Frank's blood.
#432
⇓
Yes, but the bat juices.
#433
⇓
You know, the bat saliva, bat rabies.
#434
⇓
No, no, it's not... Bat rabies, I buy.
#435
⇓
Bat rabies.
#436
⇓
Yeah.
#437
⇓
Like the... Dude, we got to get out of here.
#438
⇓
Yeah, go.
#439
⇓
Things had gotten completely insane.
#440
⇓
Dennis was trying to get the signature from Maureen, but we
#441
⇓
were just trying to get the hell out of there.
#442
⇓
Oh, my God.
#443
⇓
What the hell?
#444
⇓
Frank, what the hell's going on?
#445
⇓
Dude, we got to get out of here.
#446
⇓
Where's Dennis?
#447
⇓
I lost him.
#448
⇓
You guys, I couldn't get it.
#449
⇓
I couldn't get it.
#450
⇓
She wouldn't sign it.
#451
⇓
I couldn't get the stupid bitch to sign.
#452
⇓
She didn't sign?
#453
⇓
This has all gone bad.
#454
⇓
It's gone terribly, terribly bad.
#455
⇓
What did you do?
#456
⇓
I did something bad.
#457
⇓
I did something really, really bad; guys, we got to get out of
#458
⇓
here before everybody finds out what happened.
#459
⇓
Guys, I messed up.
#460
⇓
I messed up bad.
#461
⇓
All right, guys, let's just make a break for it.
#462
⇓
Which way?
#463
⇓
One, two, three, go.
#464
⇓
Come on, come on, this way, this way, this way.
#465
⇓
My face! My face!
#466
⇓
My face!
#467
⇓
One, two, three.
#468
⇓
Oh, God!
#469
⇓
Frank!
#470
⇓
Over here, over here.
#471
⇓
And then that's where you picked us up, and honestly,
#472
⇓
that's all that we know.
#473
⇓
Yes.
#474
⇓
So you're telling me that this was a wedding full of zombies?
#475
⇓
Yeah.
#476
⇓
Well, bat rabies zombies.
#477
⇓
Whatever.
#478
⇓
There was weird incestuous jealousies, we don't know what
#479
⇓
was going on.
#480
⇓
Bottom line, you got the wrong guys. We're innocent.
#481
⇓
Yes, we're totally innocent.
#482
⇓
Marconi, we just picked somebody up from the site who's
#483
⇓
claiming to know what happened.
#484
⇓
She was locked in a freezer.
#485
⇓
Don't let her in here.
#486
⇓
No, she's been infected.
#487
⇓
I'm not infected, you stupid idiots.
#488
⇓
No one was infected.
#489
⇓
Here's what happened.
#490
⇓
Let them hash it out themselves.
#491
⇓
It'll bust up.
#492
⇓
Yeah.
#493
⇓
I'm gonna go.
#494
⇓
Deandra.
#495
⇓
Dee's nuts.
#496
⇓
What's the haps?
#497
⇓
Here, have a sip, right from the cow's titty.
#498
⇓
You'll love it.
#499
⇓
No, Bill, no.
#500
⇓
I got to get out of here, okay?
#501
⇓
Shit is going crazy.
#502
⇓
No, don't go.
#503
⇓
Party's just starting.
#504
⇓
You got to have some.
#505
⇓
Come on, try it.
#506
⇓
Come on, it'll loosen you up a bit, make your butthole hot.
#507
⇓
How is drinking a glass of milk going to loosen me up, Bill?
#508
⇓
Well, I spiked the milk with methylenedioxypyrovalerone.
#509
⇓
What?
#510
⇓
It's bath salts.
#511
⇓
Yeah, yeah, it's like coke and acid and meth all combined.
#512
⇓
It's awesome.
#513
⇓
Yeah, I get it.
#514
⇓
So everyone here is on bath salts?
#515
⇓
Yeah, pretty much.
#516
⇓
Oh, my God, just move.
#517
⇓
Bath salts?
#518
⇓
The drug that makes people eat each other's faces?
#519
⇓
Wait, that would explain the zombie behavior.
#520
⇓
Right, okay, Dee, so you were on bath salts and that's why you
#521
⇓
went all nuts on us.
#522
⇓
Now it makes sense.
#523
⇓
That is not why I went nuts on you guys.
#524
⇓
Huh?
#525
⇓
I went nuts on you because of what you assholes did to my
#526
⇓
goddamn car!
#527
⇓
Dude, when was the last time you drove a car?
#528
⇓
Don't worry about it, man.
#529
⇓
I can drive; I remember how.
#530
⇓
What?
#531
⇓
No, no, no, no, no.
#532
⇓
No, no, no, no, wait.
#533
⇓
No!
#534
⇓
What happened, dude?
#535
⇓
What happened?
#536
⇓
I forgot how to drive.
#537
⇓
I forgot how to drive.
#538
⇓
Oh, God.
#539
⇓
Oh, look, Charlie, there's Dee.
#540
⇓
Dee, don't go down that way.
#541
⇓
We just got attacked by a bunch of zombie people.
#542
⇓
The shuttle's gone.
#543
⇓
Zombies must have stolen your car.
#544
⇓
There's no way out of here.
#545
⇓
Dude...
#546
⇓
You sons of bitches!
#547
⇓
You're gonna pay!
#548
⇓
You're all gonna pay!
#549
⇓
I'll kill you!
#550
⇓
You assholes, you'll pay!
#551
⇓
No, we won't pay.
#552
⇓
We never do.
#553
⇓
Okay, well, there it is.
#554
⇓
You know, there's the whole story.
#555
⇓
Ponderosa spiked the punch.
#556
⇓
Somebody hopped up on bath salts but Liam's face,
#557
⇓
and, uh, case closed, you know?
#558
⇓
Hey, good for you.
#559
⇓
Good for us.
#560
⇓
Bye.
#561
⇓
Ba-da-bing.
#562
⇓
Hey, whoa.
#563
⇓
Sit down, slick.
#564
⇓
Now that may explain some of the shit that went on here, but it
#565
⇓
doesn't answer the question of the missing bride.
#566
⇓
Since you're the one with motive and the last one to be
#567
⇓
seen with her, you're my new #1 suspect.
#568
⇓
No, no.
#569
⇓
That's... I didn't murder her.
#570
⇓
Then tell me what happened to her!
#571
⇓
I-I don't know.
#572
⇓
I don't know.
#573
⇓
Listen, if you confess, I can help you, but you got
#574
⇓
to tell me what happened.
#575
⇓
Okay, all right, all right, all right. Okay.
#576
⇓
Look, if I tell you what I did, will you just help me, please?
#577
⇓
Because I need help.
#578
⇓
I'll see what I can do with the DA, but I need you to confess.
#579
⇓
Okay, fine.
#580
⇓
Fine.
#581
⇓
I-I was just going to see her to get the final signature so I
#582
⇓
could put this whole thing behind me.
#583
⇓
When I saw her... Something bad happened.
#584
⇓
Something very bad.
#585
⇓
Oh, shit.
#586
⇓
Oh, God, Maureen.
#587
⇓
That was terrible.
#588
⇓
Who did those tits?
#589
⇓
The nipple placement is crazy.
#590
⇓
- I love you, Dennis Reynolds. - No, you don't.
#591
⇓
I love you.
#592
⇓
No, look, you're just gonna sign these papers and we're
#593
⇓
gonna be done with this, okay?
#594
⇓
Never.
#595
⇓
Let's run away together.
#596
⇓
Oh, I'm gonna run away, but not with you.
#597
⇓
I'm gonna find you.
#598
⇓
Oh, no, no, you're not gonna find me, no, no.
#599
⇓
We can't do this, Maureen.
#600
⇓
Oh, no, please.
#601
⇓
What have I done?
#602
⇓
Oh, God, what have I done?
#603
⇓
Oh, God.
#604
⇓
Oh, God!
#605
⇓
So all that shit about us ruining the wedding...
#606
⇓
And the zombies and the bath salts and the blood...
#607
⇓
It turns out you blew it yourself.
#608
⇓
Yeah, congratulations, Frank.
#609
⇓
You win.
#610
⇓
I'm gonna be paying alimony to that crazy bitch for the rest of my life.
#611
⇓
You expect me to believe this woman's gonna throw her entire
#612
⇓
life away just to sleep with her ex-husband on her wedding night?
#613
⇓
Huh?
#614
⇓
Really?
#615
⇓
Mr. Reynolds, you're free to go.
#616
⇓
What?
#617
⇓
Why am I free...?
#618
⇓
No.
#619
⇓
Yes.
#620
⇓
No.
#621
⇓
Someone posted your bail.
#622
⇓
Come on, silly head.
#623
⇓
Let's go home and put this whole adventure behind us.
#624
⇓
No.
#625
⇓
No!
#626
⇓
No!
#627
⇓
No, you got to help me.
#628
⇓
What have I done?
#629
⇓
You got to help me!
#630
⇓
What have I done? No! No! No!
#631
⇓
Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
#632
⇓
I got 15 different wedding guests out there with various
#633
⇓
degrees of injury.
#634
⇓
I got a groom... face is half gone!
#635
⇓
And I'm still missing a bride.
#636
⇓
We're completely innocent.
#638
⇓
that weren't invited.
#640
⇓
So you can see how bad this looks.
#641
⇓
Now, who is Mr. Dennis Reynolds?
#642
⇓
Oh, that's me.
#643
⇓
Hmm, hello, Dennis.
#644
⇓
Those are some interesting marks on your neck.
#645
⇓
Let me guess.
#646
⇓
Get your buddies together, you decide to break up that party.
#648
⇓
So you crash the wedding, get a little tipsy, things take a violent turn.
#649
⇓
No, no, no, look.
#650
⇓
I wanted to make sure that that wedding happened!
#652
⇓
Why is Maureen getting married in the middle of the woods?
#653
⇓
I don't know.
#654
⇓
Some people find the woods romantic, I guess.
#655
⇓
And why get married on Friday the 13th?
#656
⇓
It's a monster day.
#657
⇓
I don't know and I don't care.
#658
⇓
I just want to make sure the wedding happens.
#659
⇓
I'm tired of paying alimony.
#660
⇓
Well, we got your back, bro.
#661
⇓
Don't worry about that.
#662
⇓
I don't need you to have my back.
#663
⇓
Three people crashing a wedding... it's gonna make a scene.
#664
⇓
Just don't like getting bussed up there.
#666
⇓
I feel like we're gonna be trapped.
#667
⇓
I don't, I don't like any of this.
#668
⇓
Oh, no.
#669
⇓
No, no.
#670
⇓
I don't like this place already.
#671
⇓
This is a strange place, right?
#672
⇓
I'm seeing a lot of bats.
#673
⇓
Yeah, there's bats everywhere.
#674
⇓
You know why?
#675
⇓
'Cause it's Friday the 13th.
#676
⇓
No, no, no, stop.
#677
⇓
Will you stop with that?
#678
⇓
It's not because it's Friday the 13th.
#679
⇓
We're in the woods.
#680
⇓
Stop being paranoid.
#681
⇓
Still, this is creepy.
#682
⇓
I mean, who gets married in a spot like this?
#683
⇓
Oh, Jesus Christ!
#684
⇓
You guys crashing my wedding?
#685
⇓
Wait.
#686
⇓
What?!
#687
⇓
You?!
#688
⇓
Wait, Liam, you're marrying Maureen?
#689
⇓
Big-time.
#690
⇓
Don't be jelly.
#691
⇓
What the hell is going on here?
#692
⇓
What's your angle?
#693
⇓
Oldest angle in the book, my friend.
#694
⇓
Love.
#695
⇓
I don't buy this, okay?
#696
⇓
I thought you were in love with Ryan.
#697
⇓
What's your brother think about all this?
#698
⇓
Ryan's dead to me.
#699
⇓
Do you hear me?
#700
⇓
He's dead!
#701
⇓
So, I take it he doesn't approve?
#702
⇓
That's a negative, Ronald McDonald.
#703
⇓
Now, I'd ask you guys to leave, but I'm just too damn happy.
#704
⇓
See you bitches on the dance floor.
#705
⇓
I don't like this, okay?
#706
⇓
This is a McPoyle-Ponderosa wedding.
#707
⇓
This is, this is bad.
#708
⇓
Look, look, if you're gonna be here, I need your support.
#709
⇓
You need to help me make sure this wedding goes off without a hitch.
#710
⇓
Hold on. What made you think this wasn't gonna happen?
#711
⇓
Mac had heard there were some people there who wanted to ruin the wedding.
#712
⇓
Who?
#713
⇓
Him.
#714
⇓
Ah!
#715
⇓
That is bullshit!
#716
⇓
I was there to support my buddy.
#717
⇓
That was a swervy road.
#718
⇓
Yeah.
#719
⇓
What are you guys doing here?
#720
⇓
Oh, my God, I knew it.
#721
⇓
You're here to break up this wedding.
#722
⇓
What are you talking about?
#723
⇓
I'm here to support my friend, Bill Ponderosa.
#724
⇓
I'm his AA sponsor!
#725
⇓
Bullshit!
#726
⇓
You two love the fact that I have to pay alimony the rest of my life.
#727
⇓
You love the power you have over me with this financial burden.
#728
⇓
You know what, Dennis, not everything is about you, okay?
#729
⇓
I am here to support Frank.
#730
⇓
No, you two are here to make a scene.
#731
⇓
Oh!
#732
⇓
If anybody's making a scene, it's you!
#733
⇓
Ow! Ow!
#734
⇓
I just got tagged by a bat!
#735
⇓
He got you.
#736
⇓
I got tagged!
#737
⇓
Suck out the poison, Dee!
#738
⇓
I'm not sucking on your head.
#739
⇓
Suck it out!
#740
⇓
I'll give you $200, you suck it out.
#741
⇓
$200? I'll do it!
#742
⇓
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
#743
⇓
I'll do it for $200.
#744
⇓
Suck it quick.
#745
⇓
What are you...?
#746
⇓
This is the kind of thing that I was talking about!
#747
⇓
Suck it harder!
#748
⇓
Go home, please!
#749
⇓
Suck it harder!
#750
⇓
I got it.
#751
⇓
Did you swallow it?!
#752
⇓
Of course I swallowed.
#753
⇓
Make yourself throw up!
#754
⇓
Yeah, you swallowed the poison!
#755
⇓
Get it out! Get it out!
#756
⇓
Vomit! Vomit!
#757
⇓
What are you doing?!
#758
⇓
There is no poison from a bat!
#759
⇓
No! You are gonna ruin this!
#760
⇓
You're all gonna ruin this!
#761
⇓
You all right?
#762
⇓
It won't come, Frank.
#763
⇓
Deandra.
#764
⇓
Yeah?
#765
⇓
Let's go break up this wedding.
#766
⇓
Whoa, stop, stop!
#767
⇓
So you were there to break up the wedding.
#768
⇓
Shit.
#769
⇓
Did I just say that part?
#770
⇓
Yeah.
#771
⇓
Why did you want to break up the wedding?
#772
⇓
For all the things he just said.
#773
⇓
That was accurate.
#774
⇓
But it wasn't just our idea to break up the wedding.
#775
⇓
Not at first.
#776
⇓
Last week, we had a visitor at the bar.
#777
⇓
They have to be stopped.
#778
⇓
The McPoyle bloodline's been pure and clean for a thousand years.
#779
⇓
This marriage is an abomination.
#780
⇓
Now, when you say "pure and clean ," uh, you mean what, exactly?
#781
⇓
Means we haven't bred outside the bloodline.
#782
⇓
For a thousand years?
#783
⇓
Yeah.
#784
⇓
That makes a lot of sense.
#785
⇓
Dennis knows Maureen better than anyone.
#786
⇓
Only he can talk her out of this.
#787
⇓
The last thing Dennis wants to do is break up this wedding.
#788
⇓
But we do.
#789
⇓
Okay, I brought a disguise.
#790
⇓
Meh!
#791
⇓
They're gonna know who you are.
#792
⇓
This will work.
#793
⇓
Now sneak me in so we can go kill Maureen.
#794
⇓
Kill?
#795
⇓
Who said anything about killing anybody?
#796
⇓
No one's killing anyone.
#797
⇓
We'll sneak you in to Liam so you guys can talk or bang or
#798
⇓
whatever it is you want to do.
#799
⇓
Frank!
#800
⇓
Frank!
#801
⇓
Oh, thank God you're here, man.
#802
⇓
I am not gonna make it.
#803
⇓
I am itching to get blitzed.
#804
⇓
Weddings are a big trigger for me, man.
#805
⇓
Why are you telling me this?
#806
⇓
You're my sponsor, Frank.
#807
⇓
Come on.
#808
⇓
My support system.
#809
⇓
Oh, right, right, right.
#810
⇓
Of course.
#811
⇓
So, do whatever you feel is best.
#812
⇓
Well, I feel it would be best if I pounded a beer.
#813
⇓
I'll support that decision.
#814
⇓
I wish I could.
#815
⇓
I mean, it's a dry wedding, for God's sakes.
#816
⇓
They're serving milk.
#817
⇓
I feel like maybe I should do some drugs then, you know?
#818
⇓
That bad?
#819
⇓
You earned it.
#820
⇓
Yeah.
#821
⇓
You do whatever you feel like.
#822
⇓
You're a good person.
#823
⇓
Frank.
#824
⇓
Mm.
#825
⇓
Cool, cool.
#826
⇓
Thank you.
#827
⇓
Thank you.
#828
⇓
Diddly Dee.
#829
⇓
Miss me?
#830
⇓
Don't answer that.
#831
⇓
All right.
#832
⇓
Catch you guys later.
#833
⇓
You're a bad sponsor.
#834
⇓
Why?
#835
⇓
I supported every decision he wanted to make.
#836
⇓
Stop wasting time!
#837
⇓
Ow! God!
#838
⇓
Let's go find Liam.
#839
⇓
Shit!
#840
⇓
Don't hit me.
#841
⇓
Things have already taken a bit of a dark turn, it would seem.
#842
⇓
Yeah.
#843
⇓
Okay, I need to get to Maureen before Frank and Dee.
#844
⇓
All right?
#845
⇓
Oh, we'll come with you.
#846
⇓
No, just hang back.
#847
⇓
I got this, okay?
#848
⇓
Dude, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
#849
⇓
Yeah.
#850
⇓
We could definitely get laid here.
#851
⇓
Huh? What?
#852
⇓
Maureen, I need to speak with you.
#853
⇓
Dennis!
#854
⇓
OMG, what are you doing here?
#855
⇓
Well, uh, I have reason to believe that someone is here to
#856
⇓
destroy this special day for you, so I'm sure to make sure
#857
⇓
that doesn't happen.
#858
⇓
That is so sweet, Dennis.
#859
⇓
I also brought along some legal documents, so if we could
#860
⇓
just wrap this up lickety-split.
#861
⇓
Legal documents? What?
#862
⇓
Yeah, I realize my timing is a little unorthodox, but, uh, I
#863
⇓
figure what better way to make sure your union is totally
#864
⇓
complete than by having you sign these documents that I need you to sign?
#865
⇓
So if I can just get your signature right here, and I'll
#866
⇓
run up and get Liam's signature, and this'll be on the books and
#867
⇓
your wedding... Muh!
#868
⇓
My Maureen, you've... you've enhanced yourself.
#869
⇓
Yeah, I got my tooth fixed.
#870
⇓
I'm talking about your tits!
#871
⇓
You big, giant new titties, Maureen!
#872
⇓
Why would you do that now?
#873
⇓
Why not when we were together when I could've...?
#874
⇓
I told you I was willing to change.
#875
⇓
Yeah, but I didn't know you meant physically,
#876
⇓
that you would change physically.
#877
⇓
Why weren't you more clear with me, Maureen?
#878
⇓
All right, you know what?
#879
⇓
I'm not gonna get distracted.
#880
⇓
Just, just sign right here... Wait! What are you doing in here?!
#881
⇓
You can't see the bride before the ceremony!
#882
⇓
No, no!
#883
⇓
Get out!
#884
⇓
I just need her to sign this!
#885
⇓
No! Get out of here!
#886
⇓
Wait, wait, wait! Maureen!
#887
⇓
No matter what happens, you got to go through with this!
#888
⇓
Out!
#889
⇓
Liam is your destiny, Maureen!
#890
⇓
Oh, here he comes.
#891
⇓
I didn't get it.
#892
⇓
I mean, I'm so close, I'm so close.
#893
⇓
Do you know where Liam is? Maybe I can get his signature first.
#894
⇓
I didn't see him anywhere.
#895
⇓
I'm sorry, but I got to bring this up.
#896
⇓
Things are getting really weird.
#897
⇓
I mean, check out Pappy McPoyle.
#898
⇓
What is that all about?
#899
⇓
I'll tell you what that's all about.
#900
⇓
Zombies.
#901
⇓
Zombies?
#902
⇓
I seen it once before in a rat, and I seen it now in men.
#903
⇓
Once one gets a taste for its own kind, it can spread through
#904
⇓
the pack like a wildfire.
#905
⇓
Mindlessly chomping and biting at their own hinds.
#906
⇓
Nothing but the taste of flesh on their minds.
#907
⇓
You know the thing about a rat?
#908
⇓
It's got life in its eyes.
#909
⇓
Black eyes like a doll's eye.
#910
⇓
Don't seem to be living at all when it come at ya.
#911
⇓
Till it bites ya.
#912
⇓
And then the eyes roll over white.
#913
⇓
You don't hear nothing but the screaming and the hollering.
#914
⇓
What are you doing?!
#915
⇓
Are you doing the speech from Jaws?
#916
⇓
- Nah... - Are you doing Jaws?
#917
⇓
We don't have time for this shit.
#918
⇓
This is serious.
#919
⇓
Look, it wasn't zombies, okay?
#920
⇓
Really?
#921
⇓
Yeah.
#922
⇓
Then you explain what happened next.
#923
⇓
Okay, it's time to get out of here.
#924
⇓
I mean, look at that guy.
#925
⇓
The McPoyles sprung from my loins, fully formed!
#926
⇓
One of them babies tried to eat me!
#927
⇓
I ate him first!
#928
⇓
I ate him first!
#929
⇓
Okay, I'm with Charlie. I'm leaving.
#930
⇓
Wait. You guys are just gonna leave?
#931
⇓
You're gonna, you're gonna go?
#932
⇓
Yeah, we're out.
#933
⇓
You know what? I don't give a shit.
#934
⇓
Yeah, go, go, go. Yeah, get the hell out of here!
#935
⇓
I didn't want you here in the first place!
#936
⇓
Yeah, I understand the McPoyle bloodline's very strong.
#937
⇓
Legions of us thousand sturdy ones ruled this fine land.
#938
⇓
Our bloodline was as pure as the driven snow.
#939
⇓
Mm-hmm. And then what happened?
#940
⇓
Syphilis killed about half of us.
#941
⇓
Mm.
#942
⇓
Mongoloidism got most of the rest.
#943
⇓
Right.
#944
⇓
Yep.
#945
⇓
Well, there's somebody inside who wants to talk to you about this.
#946
⇓
Mm?
#947
⇓
Who's this guy?
#948
⇓
Ryan!
#949
⇓
We need to talk!
#950
⇓
We'll leave you guys alone.
#951
⇓
Let them hash it out themselves.
#952
⇓
It'll bust up.
#953
⇓
What the hell is that?
#954
⇓
Holy shit.
#955
⇓
I'm gonna go.
#956
⇓
No, no, no, Deandra!
#957
⇓
What?
#958
⇓
- No, you gotta stay! - I don't have to stay.
#959
⇓
You gotta finish this.
#960
⇓
Uh, I'm not going to.
#961
⇓
But we're not done!
#962
⇓
Don't, don't go out there!
#963
⇓
Deandra!
#964
⇓
And we never saw Dee again.
#965
⇓
Oh, no.
#966
⇓
No.
#967
⇓
We saw Dee.
#968
⇓
Yeah.
#969
⇓
Yeah, that's when the shit started hitting the fan.
#970
⇓
Oh, look, there's Dee! Dee!
#971
⇓
Dee! Don't go down there!
#972
⇓
Do not go down there!
#973
⇓
We just got attacked by a bunch of zombies!
#974
⇓
Yeah, and the shuttle bus is gone!
#975
⇓
A zombie must have stolen your car!
#976
⇓
Your car is gone!
#977
⇓
There's no way out of here!
#978
⇓
There's no way out!
#979
⇓
What are you doing?
#980
⇓
She's infected! She's infected!
#981
⇓
Liam? Liam?!
#982
⇓
Liam! Hello, Liam?
#983
⇓
Frank?
#984
⇓
Hi, Dennis.
#985
⇓
What did you do with Liam?
#986
⇓
You're too late.
#987
⇓
He's getting talked out of it!
#988
⇓
Ha-ha-ha!
#989
⇓
Get out of my way.
#990
⇓
No!
#991
⇓
Get out of my way, Frank!
#992
⇓
Hey, man.
#993
⇓
What are you guys doing?
#994
⇓
I'm begging Liam for forgiveness!
#995
⇓
It's time we move on.
#996
⇓
Liam convinced me it's not
#997
⇓
our blood that's being tainted.
#998
⇓
It's us tainting the blood of others.
#999
⇓
McPoyles will take over the world!
#1000
⇓
Goddamn it! It backfired!
#1001
⇓
Wonderful.
#1002
⇓
And first step towards that is signing this.
#1003
⇓
So Liam, if you'd just sign right there, please.
#1004
⇓
Just sign right there.
#1005
⇓
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