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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
» S09E02 — Gun Fever Too - Still Hot
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Season 9, Episode 2 — Gun Fever Too - Still Hot
Good morning, Philadelphia.
#1
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With us today is Frank Reynolds,
#2
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local business owner and a man with a harrowing story.
#3
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That's right.
#4
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A few days ago, three thugs tried to mug me.
#5
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And I want to be very clear about something.
#6
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Um, Mr... These pieces of garbage, they
#7
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don't know who the hell they're dealing with.
#8
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Mr. Reynolds, excuse me.
#9
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Do you think maybe you could eat that sandwich later?
#10
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I'm starving.
#11
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You don't have nothing to eat in this show.
#12
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Let's get back to your story.
#13
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Right, so these punks... Yes.
#14
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...I don't know if they wanted money or they wanted
#15
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something more sexual.
#16
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Wow.
#17
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But it's a lucky thing I had my pieces.
#18
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Your-your pieces?
#19
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My guns.
#20
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Oh, my.
#21
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Anyway, I started blasting.
#22
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Bah! Bah!
#23
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Now, I don't see so good, so I missed, then they ran away, I
#24
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ran after them.
#25
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Okay.
#26
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Bang! Tried to shoot them in the back, but I don't run so
#27
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good either.
#28
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Anyway, you guys all think I'm a hero, and I'll accept that
#29
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responsibility.
#30
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Now, weren't you concerned though that an innocent
#31
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bystander may have... Look, crime in this city is
#32
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out of control. Mm.
#33
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Thank God I went down to Gunther's Guns and picked up a
#34
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spare. I don't think one would've done
#35
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it. I'm gonna go out and buy some more. Okay.
#36
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And I think you should, too. Don't be a victim.
#37
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- It's time to fight back. - This is crazy.
#38
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- Completely insane. - Oh, it's driving
#39
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- me nuts. - The whole gun thing,
#40
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it just makes me really hot. Yeah, well, it's a hot issue
#41
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and I'm getting hot about it, too.
#42
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This is good, we're all hot at the same time.
#43
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We should do something about... I mean, our schools aren't
#44
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safe. There are people out on the
#45
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streets with assault rifles? We're living in constant
#46
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fear! Aw, guys, we got to get more
#47
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guns on the streets! Yeah!
#48
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Wait, what? We got to get more guns onto
#49
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the streets. Yeah, we got to get guns in
#50
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the right hands. I mean, we're just not safe.
#51
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That's what you guys are hot about?
#52
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Yeah, didn't you hear what Frank said?
#53
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Yeah, what are you hot about? There are too many guns on
#54
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the streets as it is. Guns off the streets is what we
#55
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need. It's way too easy for anybody
#56
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to just walk into a store and get a gun.
#57
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No, it's not. It getting harder and harder.
#58
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The government's trying to take our guns away.
#59
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It's way harder than you think, dude.
#60
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Guys, we're hot about the complete opposite.
#61
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Shoot. Which is a bummer, 'cause I
#62
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thought we were on the same page for once.
#63
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Still very hot though.
#64
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Yeah. Oh, I'm even hotter if I'm being honest. Still hot.
#65
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com
#66
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Good call on these outfits, dude.
#67
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It's the only call.
#68
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You know what I mean?
#69
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Like, you need a guy in a school
#70
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that even from a mile away, the school shooter sees that guy
#71
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and says, "Uh-uh."
#72
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"I ain't messing with that dude."
#73
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"I'm not messing with that dude.
#74
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I'm not going near that school." Uh, gentlemen, I
#75
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understand that you would like to...
#76
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You... How-how did you find me? Oh, shit, I know this dude.
#77
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Who-Who's this? This guy was the principal at
#78
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the high school where I was doing the janitor thing.
#79
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Yeah. Right, so why are you at a
#80
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middle school now? Well, I was... I was
#81
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transferred. See, I have tenure, so they
#82
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couldn't actually fire me, which was, of course, their first
#83
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choice, thanks to you. Well, let's not throw barbs
#84
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at each other. Look, we're actually here for a
#85
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good cause. We want to protect this school.
#86
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Oh. Yeah, we want to be the armed
#87
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security guards. Yeah, I brought a piece.
#88
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We're good. Hey, hey, hey, no, no!
#89
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Calm yourself. No, you got to put... no...
#90
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It's not currently loaded. That's not the...
#91
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Just put it away. I hear you, buddy.
#92
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I would not want to be around this guy with a gun either.
#93
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He has got a hair trigger. I mean, one little move and
#94
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he'll just start blasting. Uh, bullshit.
#95
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Look, the point is he shouldn't have a gun in a school
#96
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in the first place anyway. No.
#97
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Guns just do not belong in schools.
#98
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No, they do not. That is why I brought along a
#99
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saber. Aw, Jesus Christ.
#100
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Which is just about the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen
#101
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in my life, because how are you gonna stop a gunman with that?
#102
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Bro... He's gonna get you from a
#103
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distance. If I come at you, I'll get to
#104
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you faster. We have been arguing about this
#105
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all day. Because it's insanity.
#106
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Ooh, maybe you can be the judge.
#107
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I don't want... What? Here we go.
#108
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I'm gonna holster my weapon, he'll holster his weapon.
#109
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No, we, no... I'll do, like, a one, two,
#110
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three count, you tell us who goes faster.
#111
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Please don't do this in here. Look, dude, this is the only
#112
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way to tell, okay? And then we can protect your
#113
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school, but we got to go one step at a time, all right?
#114
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I mean, for God's sake... Whoa, whoa, whoa.
#115
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Sorry, sorry. Look out!
#116
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Ah.
#117
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I guess I do have a hair trigger, huh?
#118
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Yeah. All right.
#119
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Look at all these maniacs. Goddamn bloodthirsty freaks
#120
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walking in off the street. So easy for anybody to just
#121
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waltz in and buy a gun. Let's do it.
#122
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Let's buy assault rifles and just prove to Mac and Charlie
#123
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how easy it is. Oh, we're gonna, we're gonna.
#124
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That's what we'll do. Hi, how are you, sir?
#125
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Howdy, I'm Gunther. What can I do for you?
#126
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Oh, Gunther himself, purveyor of destruction.
#127
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I would like to buy a man destroyer from you, please.
#128
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Yeah, nice to meet you, Gunther.
#129
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Hey, maybe you could recommend something that could blow a hole
#130
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through an elephant, you know. 'Cause I need that for my home
#131
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protection. Yeah.
#132
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I guess you're looking at an AR-15.
#133
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Oh, look at that. Yeah, that's great.
#134
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Now, theoretically, Gunther, would I be able to slaughter a
#135
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roomful of innocent people with that weapon?
#136
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Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Brother, that'd be on you.
#137
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That would be on me, wouldn't it?
#138
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Yeah, that wouldn't be on you at all.
#139
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But here you go. But here you go.
#140
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But here you go. Okay, great, we'll take one of
#141
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those, please. Yeah, we got it.
#142
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How much would that be? Uh, that's $1,500.
#143
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Woof! $1,500 for the privilege, okay.
#144
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Hey, what is your, uh, what is your return policy there?
#145
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30 days, no charge. All right.
#146
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Ooh, 30 days, sounds fair. My goodness, Dennis, this feels
#147
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good. Feels good in my hands.
#148
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Oh, good my kids are safe.
#149
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I saved everyone! Yeah, my yard's protected.
#150
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So, of course, it feels good, you know?
#151
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But that only proves our point even more.
#152
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We'll take two of these, Gunther.
#153
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Great. I'll need your licenses for the
#154
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background checks. Okay, yeah.
#155
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Yeah, you can drive, you can kill!
#156
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Oh, Christ, look at this.
#157
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Oh, God. Oh, shit, I love this guy.
#158
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...become a bit of a local lightning rod in these gun
#159
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debates here. Exactly.
#160
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Gun sales have skyrocketed.
#161
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We're running out of guns, and we have to manufacture more
#162
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guns; supply is not meeting the demand.
#163
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Can we... can we cut?
#164
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Will my hands look this small on the screen?
#165
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Uh, we're live, sir.
#166
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I thought the camera would add ten pounds to my hands, and
#167
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I don't like the way they look.
#168
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Your hands look fine.
#169
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Put them down.
#170
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This is Jack Kelly.
#171
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He's my attorney.
#172
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He specializes in Constitutional Law.
#173
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Our rights are being infringed upon.
#174
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And people like my client won't take it anymore.
#175
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The Constitution guarantees our Second Amendment rights.
#176
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And these liberals like Al Gore,
#177
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they're trying to take that away
#178
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from us with this global warming bullshit.
#179
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So, you see the two issues as related somehow?
#180
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Damn right.
#181
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The government of today has no right telling us how to live
#182
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our lives, because the government of 200 years ago
#183
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already did.
#184
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Yeah.
#185
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Oh, okay.
#186
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They also protected us from tyranny against the seizure of
#187
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tasteful, artistic photographs of beautiful bodies.
#188
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Not now, Jack.
#189
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That same government wants to
#190
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come into our home, tell us what is and what is not art?
#191
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That's not right!
#192
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Okay, well, I'm gonna try and, uh, keep things on track
#193
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here, so... Yeah.
#194
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Get out and get those guns before they run out, and the
#195
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government changes the laws.
#196
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All right! Yeah!
#197
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These idiots are buying this? It's crazy.
#198
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What is going on? That was fast.
#199
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You've been denied. What?
#200
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That's ludicrous. Why?
#201
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It says here you have an extensive history of felonious
#202
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behavior. Oh, there have been
#203
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incidents, sure, yeah, a few minor indiscretions, but,
#204
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you know, I-I'm simply a person of interest in most of those
#205
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cases, all right? Being wanted and being "wanted
#206
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for questioning" are very, very, very different things, Gunther.
#207
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And you've been institutionalized.
#208
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Me? She... she... yeah.
#209
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What... I mean, one time, for a short period of time.
#210
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That-that was against my will. That doesn't even really count.
#211
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That's the only time it counts, Dee.
#212
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Okay, look, it was, like, a teeny thing that happened with a
#213
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college roommate. It was really no big deal.
#214
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Uh, yeah. Says here you burned her.
#215
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I burned her, yeah. I burned her.
#216
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But... She was so annoying.
#217
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I mean, it... She deserved it, okay?
#218
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She was wearing my stuff, and she was copying me, and...
#219
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You were copying her. I was copying her, she was
#220
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copying me... It doesn't matter.
#221
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Look, I'm sorry, but I can't sell you the guns.
#222
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Oh, God. Oh, well, look at you.
#223
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Oh, Gunther the morality king. "Hi, I'm Gunther, I've never lit
#224
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anybody on fire before." You know, you light one bitch on
#225
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fire, and everybody freaks out! Oh, you son of a bitch.
#226
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It was one time and one thing, I just...
#227
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All right, all right, all right, relax, relax.
#228
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Okay, take it easy.
#229
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Look, there are other ways to buy guns where people don't go
#230
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snooping around in your past. Listen, pal...
#231
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you just made my list. Your list?
#232
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Yeah, I have a... Shh.
#233
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Whatever, let's just go. Let's go.
#234
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How is that tasteless? It's art.
#235
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Get that out. Get that out.
#236
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You can't even see the child... We'll be right back.
#237
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Weather, traffic and a trip to the zoo, coming right up.
#238
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Okay, Charlie, I'm gonna demonstrate to you how to thwart
#239
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an attack. Mm-hmm.
#240
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Now, pretend that this dummy is a school shooter.
#241
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Right. I want you to stand back,
#242
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'cause I don't want you to get hurt.
#243
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Before he can draw his weapon... Hie-aught!
#244
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Hup, hut, hut! Hie!
#245
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How awesome was that? Well, yeah, that's-that's
#246
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pretty awesome, but I feel like he would've shot you from a mile
#247
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away. No, no, he wouldn't, because
#248
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you saw how I was zigzagging like this and making sounds?
#249
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It was distracting. Yeah, but did you ever see
#250
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Indiana Jones, where the guy does the whole sword thing and
#251
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then he just shoots him dead? Are you asking me if I've
#252
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seen Indiana Jones? Are you seriously asking me?
#253
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I've seen that movie... That is my...
#254
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You're not understanding. Do you remember it?
#255
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Yes. But if I were to come at you,
#256
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it's all about how I...
#257
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Okay, in that circumstance, maybe you got there a little bit
#258
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faster. I got you.
#259
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But if I...! Okay.
#260
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I got you again. But I... What if I zigzag
#261
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like this? It's so easy to get you.
#262
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And that's... that's not necessarily...
#263
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I don't think that that's... Hold-hold on a second.
#264
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Look at this kid. Ooh, he's wearing all black,
#265
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he's walking by himself. What do you think he's doing
#266
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on that phone? Oh, I'll tell you exactly
#267
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what he's doing. He's playing one of those games
#268
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where you shoot everyone. I'm gonna profile this guy
#269
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really quick. Excuse us.
#270
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Yeah. Hey, kid, kid, kid. Stop, stop.
#271
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Son, son, I'm sorry, hold up, hold up.
#272
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What are you doing on the phone there?
#273
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None of your business.
#274
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A sass-mouth, huh? That's a red flag.
#275
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Son, you were asked a question by an adult, okay?
#276
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You've been asked a question, all right?
#277
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We're trying to ensafen your school here, okay?
#278
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And you're acting like a punk? Let me see the phone.
#279
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I want to see. Oh! He's killing zombies!
#280
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I'm taking this. What the hell, man?
#281
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Hey, kid, you're getting off easy!
#282
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Now get to school. Go to school.
#283
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Just know we're watching you. Go to class.
#284
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Be careful. Look.
#285
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This is a red flag. These are the kids that are the
#286
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threats to society, the ones playing the violent video games,
#287
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man. I play violent video games.
#288
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Well, yeah, I also play violent video games.
#289
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I watch violent movies. Well, yeah, violent movies
#290
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are the best movies. And I don't want to kill
#291
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people. No, I mean...
#292
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All right, this... Yeah, it's not really the best
#293
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way to tell, you know, who's gonna be a threat or who's not
#294
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gonna... What is going on out here?
#295
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Nothing, thanks to us, bro. Well, are-are you stealing
#296
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kids' cell phones? Stealing, sir? No.
#297
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I've been confiscating them as potential evidence.
#298
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Are you aware that you're holding children up with a gun
#299
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and-and a sword? You just... you need to stay off
#300
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of school property. Sir, we are not on the school
#301
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property, okay? Yeah, we're outside of the
#302
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fence by, like... We're on the sidewalk, see?
#303
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You need to stay 1,000 yards away from school property.
#304
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I mean, we're trying to keep the school safe!
#305
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I know, well, yeah. Well, yeah, we would all feel a
#306
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lot safer if you were further away.
#307
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All right, I'm taking this guy out.
#308
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Hey, whoa, settle! Settle, settle, settle!
#309
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Settle. Settle down. Would you please stop
#310
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pointing that gun at me?
#311
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The school is safe, thanks to us.
#312
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Here's the damn phone. Well... please, just... if
#313
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you could just get away from the school.
#314
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Get away from the children. Hey!
#315
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Just-just stay away from the children.
#316
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Have a good day, sir. Thank you.
#317
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Have a good day. Go.
#318
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We're leaving! We're leaving, we're leaving.
#319
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We're leaving. You know, Charlie, if we
#320
⇓
can't be in the school zone, maybe we need to train somebody
#321
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who can be. You know, someone you'd never
#322
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suspect could stop a shooter. I got an idea.
#323
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And here we are, Dee, at a gun show, huh?
#324
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Lowest common denominator. Is that a bazooka?
#325
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Insanely dangerous, this place is.
#326
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It's crazy. Oh, look at this guy right here.
#327
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He'll probably sell us a gun. Excuse me, sir.
#328
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Um, I would like to buy a gun from you.
#329
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Something that is unnecessarily powerful, something you would
#330
⇓
never need in Philadelphia. Yeah, ooh, ooh, but you know
#331
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what you shouldn't do though, is look into our very sketchy
#332
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pasts. No.
#333
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Uh, it's not a problem. We all got a sketchy past.
#334
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Oh, genuine creep. Wonderful.
#335
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Perfect. Hey, sir, could you please sell
#336
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us this AR-15? Yeah.
#337
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Uh, despite, you know, who or what we plan to obliterate
#338
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with it. And don't ask questions, okay?
#339
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No. 'Cause we just want to prove
#340
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to our friends how easy it is to buy a high-capacity rifle.
#341
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Absolutely. All right, man, great.
#342
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Hey, so give this guy his 1,500 bucks, and we'll just saunter
#343
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right out of here with a weapon of mass extinction.
#344
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Three grand. What? I'm sorry.
#345
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That's $3,000. No, not for this.
#346
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No, for this, for this. No, no. No, no, no, no, no.
#347
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At Gunther's it's $1,500. Oh, this ain't
#348
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Gunther's. This a price gouge?
#349
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Oh, my. That's illegal.
#350
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Oh, you see, I'm a private seller.
#351
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That means I can do whatever I want.
#352
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Shit. Fine. That's fine.
#353
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We'll buy it, and we'll return it.
#354
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All sales are final. Come on!
#355
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I'll show you what's final, you redneck son of a bitch!
#356
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I will burn you alive like the last bitch who crossed me!
#357
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Okay, all right, all right, Dee.
#358
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That's not getting us anywhere. Okay, she's hot.
#359
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I went... I went hot real fast; it just happened.
#360
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Well, our whole crew's been hot lately.
#361
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We're trying to cool down, but you're not making it any easier.
#362
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Mm-mm. All right, listen, I want
#363
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this gun, pal. Okay, I want it, because it's
#364
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easy to buy a gun. And I need to prove that to
#365
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some people, so give me the gun at a fair price, and do it now.
#366
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$4,000. Shit!
#367
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Four thou...? $4,000? Really?
#368
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I'll tell you what.
#369
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How about I just take it, huh? 'Cause I'm a maniac with a
#370
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gun, and there's nothing you can do about it.
#371
⇓
Oh. Oh, oh. Okay.
#372
⇓
Oh, okay. Oops.
#373
⇓
Putting the gun down now. Okay, this is just a... just an
#374
⇓
exercise, okay, to prove how unsafe it is...
#375
⇓
for everyone to have guns, okay? But I see now that I was the
#376
⇓
maniac with the gun. And you all made it safer...
#377
⇓
in here. Yeah.
#378
⇓
Good for you. Our bad, our bad for this experiment.
#379
⇓
Thank you for joining us. I know you may not see yourself
#380
⇓
as a solution to a national problem.
#381
⇓
You might not think you have the ability, but, uh, believe
#382
⇓
me, you were... you were carefully selected.
#383
⇓
And with a little hard work and a whole lot of training, we
#384
⇓
can help you keep your school safe.
#385
⇓
Are there any questions? Yo, can I get some beer?
#386
⇓
No beer. No. We said it, like,
#387
⇓
a million times. Guys, guys, how many times do
#388
⇓
we have to be through this? No beer, okay?
#389
⇓
All right, you know, you can't drink beer and be
#390
⇓
effective. But you guys had, like, five.
#391
⇓
Don't count beers, Carlos. Not cool.
#392
⇓
Yeah. And by the way, Carlos, I've had six.
#393
⇓
And I've had seven. So don't be a rat, okay?
#394
⇓
And if you are gonna be a rat, get it right.
#395
⇓
No more questions. In fact, no more questions.
#396
⇓
You guys are the ones that asked for the questions.
#397
⇓
Shut up, Carlos! Carlos, shut up!
#398
⇓
The time for questions is over.
#399
⇓
It's now time for learning. Okay? You're-you're impeding
#400
⇓
on your own safety. Okay, now my friend and I
#401
⇓
have been arguing all day about the efficacy of swords
#402
⇓
versus guns. Okay? So we met in
#403
⇓
the middle. Now if you look under your
#404
⇓
seat, you'll see that each of you has been provided a weapon
#405
⇓
that you could easily find in your own classroom.
#406
⇓
Some of you may have compasses, others,
#407
⇓
sharp pencils. Okay, there are forks in
#408
⇓
the cafeteria, there's piano wire from the music room.
#409
⇓
You need to learn how to make every single item in your
#410
⇓
school a potentially life-threatening weapon.
#411
⇓
Look at the person sitting next to you.
#412
⇓
That person wants to take you out.
#413
⇓
Guys, safety is the name of the game.
#414
⇓
It's all about safety. Let's take it slow.
#415
⇓
We're gonna take this in a safe and orderly fashion.
#416
⇓
Are you ready to begin? Okay.
#417
⇓
And, guys, let's have a little fun.
#418
⇓
Shut it, shut it, shut it!
#419
⇓
Those-those kids are maniacs! Oh, my God, I think they're
#420
⇓
all in gangs or something! There's a lot of score settling
#421
⇓
going on in there! Oh, yeah, dude, we created
#422
⇓
a HungerGames-type scenario in there.
#423
⇓
Imagine if they had guns! Oh, it'd be a disaster!
#424
⇓
An absolute disaster! These kids are all too violent.
#425
⇓
It's, like, ingrained in them or something.
#426
⇓
Oh, my God, dude, we've been singing the wrong tune.
#427
⇓
Society is getting more savage. We need to get the weapons
#428
⇓
out of their hands! Maybe we should call the
#429
⇓
cops, the only people who should have guns!
#430
⇓
They got to come in here, they got to calm this down!
#431
⇓
Oh! Oh, shit, Charlie, I got
#432
⇓
to admit something, dude. I'm bleeding pretty bad.
#433
⇓
One of the kids got you? I nicked myself back in the
#434
⇓
principal's office just trying to upholster my weapon.
#435
⇓
Jesus, man. I didn't want to say anything
#436
⇓
'cause it was a little bit embarrassing.
#437
⇓
All right, can I go to
#438
⇓
the hospital? Yeah, let's go.
#439
⇓
- Go, go, go, go, go. - First
#440
⇓
they disarm us, then they oppress us.
#441
⇓
So I want you to get every gun you can buy and bring
#442
⇓
it to 17th and JFK, and we're gonna march on City Hall.
#443
⇓
And bring whatever guests you want, regardless of age or
#444
⇓
whatever restriction the government puts on our
#445
⇓
expression of beauty. Just get the guns and bring
#446
⇓
them down to City Hall. Well, you better believe I'll
#447
⇓
be there. I know you'll be there.
#448
⇓
Bring your kid. You have kids?
#449
⇓
Yes, of course, of course. Bring them.
#450
⇓
I mean, come on. He's really going off the deep
#451
⇓
end, Dee. I don't know.
#452
⇓
I hate to admit it, Dennis, but he's got a point, you know.
#453
⇓
It doesn't seem like it's all that easy to buy an assault
#454
⇓
rifle. No, no, no, no, no.
#455
⇓
Don't you start with that shit, Dee.
#456
⇓
Well, I'm sorry. It is incredibly easy to buy
#457
⇓
assault rifle, and I'm gonna prove to you how easy it is
#458
⇓
right now. Okay, here comes our guy.
#459
⇓
Mm, mm. No. Hi.
#460
⇓
people-killer? Right here.
#462
⇓
Oh, ho, ho, ho. That's the stuff, baby.
#463
⇓
Now, I got $1,500, which is the fair asking price.
#464
⇓
I hope that's okay. Yeah. Give it to me.
#465
⇓
All right. There you go. All right, now, I'm not really
#466
⇓
totally comfortable rolling the window down.
#467
⇓
I'm sure you understand why, so I'm just gonna pop the trunk and
#468
⇓
you can, uh, you can throw it in there, all right?
#469
⇓
Back there? Yeah.
#470
⇓
In the trunk? Yeah.
#471
⇓
Okay, I got you. You see how easy that is,
#472
⇓
Dee? You just give a man $1,500 and
#473
⇓
he gives you an assault rifle. Uh-oh. Ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh.
#474
⇓
What? Where's he going? Well, he appears to be
#475
⇓
sauntering off. Well, don't do... No.
#476
⇓
Well, sir, I gave you the $1,500.
#477
⇓
Don't saunter away. I'm try... That's not fair!
#478
⇓
No, it's not fair! You stop right now!
#479
⇓
Listen, you stop in your tracks! Uh, Dennis, go stop him.
#480
⇓
Denni... Go stop...? The man has an assault rifle!
#481
⇓
What am I supposed to do?! Shit!
#482
⇓
I can't buy one! The only thing that stops a
#483
⇓
bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun, which we can't get!
#484
⇓
Goddamn son of a bitch Frank, you were right!
#485
⇓
Frank was right! Shit!
#486
⇓
Where's Frank? We're hot. We're coming in super hot!
#487
⇓
Where is Frank?! Oh, you guys hot?
#488
⇓
You guys are still hot? The whole thing's hot, man!
#489
⇓
Oh, yeah, I'm burning up right now!
#490
⇓
It's a crazy situation! We're on your side now!
#491
⇓
We got to get these guns off the streets!
#492
⇓
Boo-yah! Wait, what? No, no.
#493
⇓
Off the streets? What are you, crazy?
#494
⇓
We need the guns on the streets! Everyone needs to have guns!
#495
⇓
We need to flood the streets with guns!
#496
⇓
To stay safe. Aw, shit.
#497
⇓
I mean, I think, uh... You know, I think we crossed
#498
⇓
right past each other like ships in the night, man.
#499
⇓
We flip-flopped. Yeah, 'cause we're on the
#500
⇓
opposite side now. That side makes no more sense
#501
⇓
to me. If we could've just met up,
#502
⇓
like, two hours ago... Oh, oh, there's Frank.
#503
⇓
Hey, Frank! Frank, is that a box of guns?
#504
⇓
What is that? Guns? No.
#505
⇓
Water filters. Water filters?
#506
⇓
All right, guys, load 'em in. Very nice.
#507
⇓
Hey, Frank, why do you have a truck full of water filters?
#508
⇓
Uh, you know what, I don't give a shit.
#509
⇓
Let's get down to that rally, man.
#510
⇓
Rally? Yeah.
#511
⇓
Yes, the freedom rally. The one you organized.
#512
⇓
Ooh, shit, I'm not gonna go down there.
#513
⇓
It's gonna be a bunch of nuts with guns.
#514
⇓
Too dangerous. Wait, hold on a second.
#515
⇓
What's going on? I thought you were into guns.
#516
⇓
You know, why have you been on TV talking about all that shit?
#517
⇓
I bought a stake in Gunther's Guns.
#518
⇓
I got everybody angry and scared.
#519
⇓
They bought the guns, I made a fortune.
#520
⇓
Oh, my God. This is crazy. So you don't give a shit about
#521
⇓
the gun issue at all? Uh, uh...
#522
⇓
I mean, what the hell? You're like the NRA.
#523
⇓
Yeah, a little bit like the NRA.
#524
⇓
Little tiny bit. But I-I think of myself more
#525
⇓
like Al Gore. You know, he got everybody
#526
⇓
worked up over global warming. Then he made millions.
#527
⇓
Huh?! Yeah. Everybody does it.
#528
⇓
Liberals, conservatives, doesn't matter.
#529
⇓
This is America: you're either a duper or a dupee.
#530
⇓
I'm a duper. You guys are the dupees.
#531
⇓
I got to go. Where you going now?
#532
⇓
With us now is local community activist, Frank
#533
⇓
Reynolds, with a terrifying statistic.
#534
⇓
Frank?
#535
⇓
Yes. Thank you, Chet.
#536
⇓
You're welcome.
#537
⇓
Do you know that 90% of your water is 100% toxins?
#538
⇓
Who knows what the other 10% is?
#539
⇓
It's probably far worse, I would imagine.
#540
⇓
It's really worse.
#541
⇓
I have a water filter for you that you need to put in every
#542
⇓
single home.
#543
⇓
It will protect you and your entire family.
#544
⇓
You can even give that water to your babies.
#545
⇓
Wow.
#546
⇓
Well, babies, look out, because
#547
⇓
this next segment is just for you.
#548
⇓
Don't turn that channel.
#549
⇓
Your life may depend upon it.
#550
⇓
Got to give it to him.
#551
⇓
He is good. That son of a bitch.
#552
⇓
Goddamn. Yeah.
#553
⇓
I think I'm gonna get one of
#554
⇓
those water filters. I do kind of want one, right?
#555
⇓
For safety, for safety. I mean, he does make some
#556
⇓
good points. Yeah.
#557
⇓
The water's toxic. I mean, it is. Yeah.
#558
⇓
Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com
#559
⇓
Good call on these outfits, dude.
#560
⇓
It's the only call.
#561
⇓
You know what I mean?
#562
⇓
Like, you need a guy in a school
#563
⇓
that even from a mile away, the school shooter sees that guy
#564
⇓
and says, "Uh-uh."
#565
⇓
"I ain't messing with that dude."
#566
⇓
"I'm not messing with that dude.
#567
⇓
I'm not going near that school." Uh, gentlemen, I
#568
⇓
understand that you would like to...
#569
⇓
Who-Who's this? This guy was the principal at
#571
⇓
the high school where I was doing the janitor thing.
#572
⇓
Yeah. Right, so why are you at a
#573
⇓
middle school now? Well, I was... I was
#574
⇓
transferred. See, I have tenure, so they
#575
⇓
couldn't actually fire me, which was, of course, their first
#576
⇓
choice, thanks to you. Well, let's not throw barbs
#577
⇓
at each other. Look, we're actually here for a
#578
⇓
good cause. We want to protect this school.
#579
⇓
Oh. Yeah, we want to be the armed
#580
⇓
security guards. Yeah, I brought a piece.
#581
⇓
Calm yourself. No, you got to put... no...
#583
⇓
It's not currently loaded. That's not the...
#584
⇓
Just put it away. I hear you, buddy.
#585
⇓
I would not want to be around this guy with a gun either.
#586
⇓
He has got a hair trigger. I mean, one little move and
#587
⇓
he'll just start blasting. Uh, bullshit.
#588
⇓
Look, the point is he shouldn't have a gun in a school
#589
⇓
in the first place anyway. No.
#590
⇓
Guns just do not belong in schools.
#591
⇓
No, they do not. That is why I brought along a
#592
⇓
saber. Aw, Jesus Christ.
#593
⇓
Which is just about the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen
#594
⇓
in my life, because how are you gonna stop a gunman with that?
#595
⇓
Bro... He's gonna get you from a
#596
⇓
distance. If I come at you, I'll get to
#597
⇓
you faster. We have been arguing about this
#598
⇓
all day. Because it's insanity.
#599
⇓
Ooh, maybe you can be the judge.
#600
⇓
I don't want... What? Here we go.
#601
⇓
I'm gonna holster my weapon, he'll holster his weapon.
#602
⇓
No, we, no... I'll do, like, a one, two,
#603
⇓
three count, you tell us who goes faster.
#604
⇓
Please don't do this in here. Look, dude, this is the only
#605
⇓
way to tell, okay? And then we can protect your
#606
⇓
school, but we got to go one step at a time, all right?
#607
⇓
I mean, for God's sake... Whoa, whoa, whoa.
#608
⇓
Sorry, sorry. Look out!
#609
⇓
Ah.
#610
⇓
I guess I do have a hair trigger, huh?
#611
⇓
Yeah. All right.
#612
⇓
walking in off the street. So easy for anybody to just
#614
⇓
waltz in and buy a gun. Let's do it.
#615
⇓
Let's buy assault rifles and just prove to Mac and Charlie
#616
⇓
how easy it is. Oh, we're gonna, we're gonna.
#617
⇓
That's what we'll do. Hi, how are you, sir?
#618
⇓
Howdy, I'm Gunther. What can I do for you?
#619
⇓
Oh, Gunther himself, purveyor of destruction.
#620
⇓
I would like to buy a man destroyer from you, please.
#621
⇓
Yeah, nice to meet you, Gunther.
#622
⇓
Hey, maybe you could recommend something that could blow a hole
#623
⇓
through an elephant, you know. 'Cause I need that for my home
#624
⇓
protection. Yeah.
#625
⇓
I guess you're looking at an AR-15.
#626
⇓
Oh, look at that. Yeah, that's great.
#627
⇓
Now, theoretically, Gunther, would I be able to slaughter a
#628
⇓
roomful of innocent people with that weapon?
#629
⇓
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Brother, that'd be on you.
#630
⇓
That would be on me, wouldn't it?
#631
⇓
Yeah, that wouldn't be on you at all.
#632
⇓
But here you go. But here you go.
#633
⇓
But here you go. Okay, great, we'll take one of
#634
⇓
those, please. Yeah, we got it.
#635
⇓
How much would that be? Uh, that's $1,500.
#636
⇓
Hey, what is your, uh, what is your return policy there?
#638
⇓
Ooh, 30 days, sounds fair. My goodness, Dennis, this feels
#640
⇓
good. Feels good in my hands.
#641
⇓
Oh, good my kids are safe.
#642
⇓
I saved everyone! Yeah, my yard's protected.
#643
⇓
So, of course, it feels good, you know?
#644
⇓
But that only proves our point even more.
#645
⇓
We'll take two of these, Gunther.
#646
⇓
Great. I'll need your licenses for the
#647
⇓
background checks. Okay, yeah.
#648
⇓
Yeah, you can drive, you can kill!
#649
⇓
Oh, Christ, look at this.
#650
⇓
Oh, God. Oh, shit, I love this guy.
#651
⇓
debates here. Exactly.
#653
⇓
Gun sales have skyrocketed.
#654
⇓
We're running out of guns, and we have to manufacture more
#655
⇓
guns; supply is not meeting the demand.
#656
⇓
Can we... can we cut?
#657
⇓
Will my hands look this small on the screen?
#658
⇓
Uh, we're live, sir.
#659
⇓
I thought the camera would add ten pounds to my hands, and
#660
⇓
I don't like the way they look.
#661
⇓
Your hands look fine.
#662
⇓
Put them down.
#663
⇓
This is Jack Kelly.
#664
⇓
He's my attorney.
#665
⇓
He specializes in Constitutional Law.
#666
⇓
Our rights are being infringed upon.
#667
⇓
And people like my client won't take it anymore.
#668
⇓
The Constitution guarantees our Second Amendment rights.
#669
⇓
And these liberals like Al Gore,
#670
⇓
they're trying to take that away
#671
⇓
from us with this global warming bullshit.
#672
⇓
So, you see the two issues as related somehow?
#673
⇓
The government of today has no right telling us how to live
#675
⇓
our lives, because the government of 200 years ago
#676
⇓
already did.
#677
⇓
Yeah.
#678
⇓
Oh, okay.
#679
⇓
They also protected us from tyranny against the seizure of
#680
⇓
tasteful, artistic photographs of beautiful bodies.
#681
⇓
Not now, Jack.
#682
⇓
That same government wants to
#683
⇓
come into our home, tell us what is and what is not art?
#684
⇓
That's not right!
#685
⇓
Okay, well, I'm gonna try and, uh, keep things on track
#686
⇓
here, so... Yeah.
#687
⇓
Get out and get those guns before they run out, and the
#688
⇓
government changes the laws.
#689
⇓
All right! Yeah!
#690
⇓
These idiots are buying this? It's crazy.
#691
⇓
What is going on? That was fast.
#692
⇓
That's ludicrous. Why?
#694
⇓
It says here you have an extensive history of felonious
#695
⇓
behavior. Oh, there have been
#696
⇓
incidents, sure, yeah, a few minor indiscretions, but,
#697
⇓
cases, all right? Being wanted and being "wanted
#699
⇓
for questioning" are very, very, very different things, Gunther.
#700
⇓
And you've been institutionalized.
#701
⇓
Me? She... she... yeah.
#702
⇓
That-that was against my will. That doesn't even really count.
#704
⇓
That's the only time it counts, Dee.
#705
⇓
Okay, look, it was, like, a teeny thing that happened with a
#706
⇓
college roommate. It was really no big deal.
#707
⇓
Uh, yeah. Says here you burned her.
#708
⇓
But... She was so annoying.
#710
⇓
I mean, it... She deserved it, okay?
#711
⇓
She was wearing my stuff, and she was copying me, and...
#712
⇓
You were copying her. I was copying her, she was
#713
⇓
copying me... It doesn't matter.
#714
⇓
Look, I'm sorry, but I can't sell you the guns.
#715
⇓
Oh, God. Oh, well, look at you.
#716
⇓
Oh, Gunther the morality king. "Hi, I'm Gunther, I've never lit
#717
⇓
anybody on fire before." You know, you light one bitch on
#718
⇓
fire, and everybody freaks out! Oh, you son of a bitch.
#719
⇓
It was one time and one thing, I just...
#720
⇓
All right, all right, all right, relax, relax.
#721
⇓
Okay, take it easy.
#722
⇓
Look, there are other ways to buy guns where people don't go
#723
⇓
snooping around in your past. Listen, pal...
#724
⇓
you just made my list. Your list?
#725
⇓
Yeah, I have a... Shh.
#726
⇓
Whatever, let's just go. Let's go.
#727
⇓
How is that tasteless? It's art.
#728
⇓
Get that out. Get that out.
#729
⇓
Okay, Charlie, I'm gonna demonstrate to you how to thwart
#732
⇓
an attack. Mm-hmm.
#733
⇓
Now, pretend that this dummy is a school shooter.
#734
⇓
Right. I want you to stand back,
#735
⇓
'cause I don't want you to get hurt.
#736
⇓
Before he can draw his weapon... Hie-aught!
#737
⇓
Hup, hut, hut! Hie!
#738
⇓
How awesome was that? Well, yeah, that's-that's
#739
⇓
pretty awesome, but I feel like he would've shot you from a mile
#740
⇓
away. No, no, he wouldn't, because
#741
⇓
you saw how I was zigzagging like this and making sounds?
#742
⇓
It was distracting. Yeah, but did you ever see
#743
⇓
Indiana Jones, where the guy does the whole sword thing and
#744
⇓
then he just shoots him dead? Are you asking me if I've
#745
⇓
seen Indiana Jones? Are you seriously asking me?
#746
⇓
I've seen that movie... That is my...
#747
⇓
You're not understanding. Do you remember it?
#748
⇓
Yes. But if I were to come at you,
#749
⇓
it's all about how I...
#750
⇓
Okay, in that circumstance, maybe you got there a little bit
#751
⇓
faster. I got you.
#752
⇓
But if I...! Okay.
#753
⇓
I got you again. But I... What if I zigzag
#754
⇓
like this? It's so easy to get you.
#755
⇓
And that's... that's not necessarily...
#756
⇓
I don't think that that's... Hold-hold on a second.
#757
⇓
Look at this kid. Ooh, he's wearing all black,
#758
⇓
on that phone? Oh, I'll tell you exactly
#760
⇓
what he's doing. He's playing one of those games
#761
⇓
where you shoot everyone. I'm gonna profile this guy
#762
⇓
really quick. Excuse us.
#763
⇓
Yeah. Hey, kid, kid, kid. Stop, stop.
#764
⇓
Son, son, I'm sorry, hold up, hold up.
#765
⇓
What are you doing on the phone there?
#766
⇓
None of your business.
#767
⇓
A sass-mouth, huh? That's a red flag.
#768
⇓
Son, you were asked a question by an adult, okay?
#769
⇓
You've been asked a question, all right?
#770
⇓
We're trying to ensafen your school here, okay?
#771
⇓
And you're acting like a punk? Let me see the phone.
#772
⇓
I want to see. Oh! He's killing zombies!
#773
⇓
I'm taking this. What the hell, man?
#774
⇓
Hey, kid, you're getting off easy!
#775
⇓
Now get to school. Go to school.
#776
⇓
Just know we're watching you. Go to class.
#777
⇓
Be careful. Look.
#778
⇓
This is a red flag. These are the kids that are the
#779
⇓
threats to society, the ones playing the violent video games,
#780
⇓
man. I play violent video games.
#781
⇓
Well, yeah, I also play violent video games.
#782
⇓
I watch violent movies. Well, yeah, violent movies
#783
⇓
are the best movies. And I don't want to kill
#784
⇓
All right, this... Yeah, it's not really the best
#786
⇓
way to tell, you know, who's gonna be a threat or who's not
#787
⇓
gonna... What is going on out here?
#788
⇓
kids' cell phones? Stealing, sir? No.
#790
⇓
I've been confiscating them as potential evidence.
#791
⇓
Are you aware that you're holding children up with a gun
#792
⇓
and-and a sword? You just... you need to stay off
#793
⇓
of school property. Sir, we are not on the school
#794
⇓
fence by, like... We're on the sidewalk, see?
#796
⇓
You need to stay 1,000 yards away from school property.
#797
⇓
I mean, we're trying to keep the school safe!
#798
⇓
I know, well, yeah. Well, yeah, we would all feel a
#799
⇓
lot safer if you were further away.
#800
⇓
All right, I'm taking this guy out.
#801
⇓
Hey, whoa, settle! Settle, settle, settle!
#802
⇓
Settle. Settle down. Would you please stop
#803
⇓
The school is safe, thanks to us.
#805
⇓
Here's the damn phone. Well... please, just... if
#806
⇓
you could just get away from the school.
#807
⇓
Get away from the children. Hey!
#808
⇓
Just-just stay away from the children.
#809
⇓
Have a good day, sir. Thank you.
#810
⇓
Have a good day. Go.
#811
⇓
We're leaving! We're leaving, we're leaving.
#812
⇓
We're leaving. You know, Charlie, if we
#813
⇓
who can be. You know, someone you'd never
#815
⇓
suspect could stop a shooter. I got an idea.
#816
⇓
And here we are, Dee, at a gun show, huh?
#817
⇓
Insanely dangerous, this place is.
#819
⇓
It's crazy. Oh, look at this guy right here.
#820
⇓
He'll probably sell us a gun. Excuse me, sir.
#821
⇓
Um, I would like to buy a gun from you.
#822
⇓
Something that is unnecessarily powerful, something you would
#823
⇓
never need in Philadelphia. Yeah, ooh, ooh, but you know
#824
⇓
what you shouldn't do though, is look into our very sketchy
#825
⇓
pasts. No.
#826
⇓
Uh, it's not a problem. We all got a sketchy past.
#827
⇓
Oh, genuine creep. Wonderful.
#828
⇓
us this AR-15? Yeah.
#830
⇓
with it. And don't ask questions, okay?
#832
⇓
No. 'Cause we just want to prove
#833
⇓
to our friends how easy it is to buy a high-capacity rifle.
#834
⇓
Absolutely. All right, man, great.
#835
⇓
Hey, so give this guy his 1,500 bucks, and we'll just saunter
#836
⇓
Three grand. What? I'm sorry.
#838
⇓
That's $3,000. No, not for this.
#839
⇓
No, for this, for this. No, no. No, no, no, no, no.
#840
⇓
At Gunther's it's $1,500. Oh, this ain't
#841
⇓
Gunther's. This a price gouge?
#842
⇓
Oh, my. That's illegal.
#843
⇓
Oh, you see, I'm a private seller.
#844
⇓
That means I can do whatever I want.
#845
⇓
Shit. Fine. That's fine.
#846
⇓
We'll buy it, and we'll return it.
#847
⇓
All sales are final. Come on!
#848
⇓
I'll show you what's final, you redneck son of a bitch!
#849
⇓
I will burn you alive like the last bitch who crossed me!
#850
⇓
Okay, all right, all right, Dee.
#851
⇓
That's not getting us anywhere. Okay, she's hot.
#852
⇓
I went... I went hot real fast; it just happened.
#853
⇓
Well, our whole crew's been hot lately.
#854
⇓
We're trying to cool down, but you're not making it any easier.
#855
⇓
Mm-mm. All right, listen, I want
#856
⇓
this gun, pal. Okay, I want it, because it's
#857
⇓
easy to buy a gun. And I need to prove that to
#858
⇓
some people, so give me the gun at a fair price, and do it now.
#859
⇓
$4,000. Shit!
#860
⇓
Four thou...? $4,000? Really?
#861
⇓
I'll tell you what.
#862
⇓
gun, and there's nothing you can do about it.
#864
⇓
Oh. Oh, oh. Okay.
#865
⇓
Oh, okay. Oops.
#866
⇓
Putting the gun down now. Okay, this is just a... just an
#867
⇓
exercise, okay, to prove how unsafe it is...
#868
⇓
for everyone to have guns, okay? But I see now that I was the
#869
⇓
maniac with the gun. And you all made it safer...
#870
⇓
in here. Yeah.
#871
⇓
Good for you. Our bad, our bad for this experiment.
#872
⇓
Thank you for joining us. I know you may not see yourself
#873
⇓
as a solution to a national problem.
#874
⇓
You might not think you have the ability, but, uh, believe
#875
⇓
me, you were... you were carefully selected.
#876
⇓
And with a little hard work and a whole lot of training, we
#877
⇓
can help you keep your school safe.
#878
⇓
Are there any questions? Yo, can I get some beer?
#879
⇓
No beer. No. We said it, like,
#880
⇓
a million times. Guys, guys, how many times do
#881
⇓
we have to be through this? No beer, okay?
#882
⇓
All right, you know, you can't drink beer and be
#883
⇓
effective. But you guys had, like, five.
#884
⇓
Don't count beers, Carlos. Not cool.
#885
⇓
And if you are gonna be a rat, get it right.
#888
⇓
You guys are the ones that asked for the questions.
#890
⇓
Shut up, Carlos! Carlos, shut up!
#891
⇓
The time for questions is over.
#892
⇓
It's now time for learning. Okay? You're-you're impeding
#893
⇓
on your own safety. Okay, now my friend and I
#894
⇓
have been arguing all day about the efficacy of swords
#895
⇓
versus guns. Okay? So we met in
#896
⇓
the middle. Now if you look under your
#897
⇓
seat, you'll see that each of you has been provided a weapon
#898
⇓
that you could easily find in your own classroom.
#899
⇓
sharp pencils. Okay, there are forks in
#901
⇓
You need to learn how to make every single item in your
#903
⇓
school a potentially life-threatening weapon.
#904
⇓
That person wants to take you out.
#906
⇓
Guys, safety is the name of the game.
#907
⇓
It's all about safety. Let's take it slow.
#908
⇓
And, guys, let's have a little fun.
#911
⇓
Shut it, shut it, shut it!
#912
⇓
Those-those kids are maniacs! Oh, my God, I think they're
#913
⇓
all in gangs or something! There's a lot of score settling
#914
⇓
going on in there! Oh, yeah, dude, we created
#915
⇓
Imagine if they had guns! Oh, it'd be a disaster!
#917
⇓
An absolute disaster! These kids are all too violent.
#918
⇓
It's, like, ingrained in them or something.
#919
⇓
Oh, my God, dude, we've been singing the wrong tune.
#920
⇓
Society is getting more savage. We need to get the weapons
#921
⇓
out of their hands! Maybe we should call the
#922
⇓
cops, the only people who should have guns!
#923
⇓
They got to come in here, they got to calm this down!
#924
⇓
Oh! Oh, shit, Charlie, I got
#925
⇓
One of the kids got you? I nicked myself back in the
#927
⇓
principal's office just trying to upholster my weapon.
#928
⇓
Jesus, man. I didn't want to say anything
#929
⇓
'cause it was a little bit embarrassing.
#930
⇓
All right, can I go to
#931
⇓
the hospital? Yeah, let's go.
#932
⇓
they disarm us, then they oppress us.
#934
⇓
And bring whatever guests you want, regardless of age or
#937
⇓
whatever restriction the government puts on our
#938
⇓
expression of beauty. Just get the guns and bring
#939
⇓
them down to City Hall. Well, you better believe I'll
#940
⇓
be there. I know you'll be there.
#941
⇓
Bring your kid. You have kids?
#942
⇓
I mean, come on. He's really going off the deep
#944
⇓
end, Dee. I don't know.
#945
⇓
I hate to admit it, Dennis, but he's got a point, you know.
#946
⇓
It doesn't seem like it's all that easy to buy an assault
#947
⇓
rifle. No, no, no, no, no.
#948
⇓
Don't you start with that shit, Dee.
#949
⇓
Well, I'm sorry. It is incredibly easy to buy
#950
⇓
assault rifle, and I'm gonna prove to you how easy it is
#951
⇓
right now. Okay, here comes our guy.
#952
⇓
Mm, mm. No. Hi.
#953
⇓
- Uh, you got my money? - You got my
#954
⇓
people-killer? Right here.
#955
⇓
Oh, ho, ho, ho. That's the stuff, baby.
#956
⇓
Now, I got $1,500, which is the fair asking price.
#957
⇓
All right. There you go. All right, now, I'm not really
#959
⇓
totally comfortable rolling the window down.
#960
⇓
you can, uh, you can throw it in there, all right?
#962
⇓
Back there? Yeah.
#963
⇓
In the trunk? Yeah.
#964
⇓
Okay, I got you. You see how easy that is,
#965
⇓
Dee? You just give a man $1,500 and
#966
⇓
he gives you an assault rifle. Uh-oh. Ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh.
#967
⇓
What? Where's he going? Well, he appears to be
#968
⇓
sauntering off. Well, don't do... No.
#969
⇓
Well, sir, I gave you the $1,500.
#970
⇓
Don't saunter away. I'm try... That's not fair!
#971
⇓
Listen, you stop in your tracks! Uh, Dennis, go stop him.
#973
⇓
Denni... Go stop...? The man has an assault rifle!
#974
⇓
What am I supposed to do?! Shit!
#975
⇓
I can't buy one! The only thing that stops a
#976
⇓
bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun, which we can't get!
#977
⇓
Goddamn son of a bitch Frank, you were right!
#978
⇓
Frank was right! Shit!
#979
⇓
Where's Frank? We're hot. We're coming in super hot!
#980
⇓
Where is Frank?! Oh, you guys hot?
#981
⇓
You guys are still hot? The whole thing's hot, man!
#982
⇓
Oh, yeah, I'm burning up right now!
#983
⇓
We got to get these guns off the streets!
#985
⇓
Boo-yah! Wait, what? No, no.
#986
⇓
Off the streets? What are you, crazy?
#987
⇓
We need the guns on the streets! Everyone needs to have guns!
#988
⇓
We need to flood the streets with guns!
#989
⇓
To stay safe. Aw, shit.
#990
⇓
right past each other like ships in the night, man.
#992
⇓
We flip-flopped. Yeah, 'cause we're on the
#993
⇓
opposite side now. That side makes no more sense
#994
⇓
to me. If we could've just met up,
#995
⇓
like, two hours ago... Oh, oh, there's Frank.
#996
⇓
Hey, Frank! Frank, is that a box of guns?
#997
⇓
What is that? Guns? No.
#998
⇓
All right, guys, load 'em in. Very nice.
#1000
⇓
Hey, Frank, why do you have a truck full of water filters?
#1001
⇓
Uh, you know what, I don't give a shit.
#1002
⇓
Let's get down to that rally, man.
#1003
⇓
Rally? Yeah.
#1004
⇓
Yes, the freedom rally. The one you organized.
#1005
⇓
Ooh, shit, I'm not gonna go down there.
#1006
⇓
It's gonna be a bunch of nuts with guns.
#1007
⇓
Too dangerous. Wait, hold on a second.
#1008
⇓
What's going on? I thought you were into guns.
#1009
⇓
You know, why have you been on TV talking about all that shit?
#1010
⇓
I bought a stake in Gunther's Guns.
#1011
⇓
I got everybody angry and scared.
#1012
⇓
They bought the guns, I made a fortune.
#1013
⇓
Oh, my God. This is crazy. So you don't give a shit about
#1014
⇓
the gun issue at all? Uh, uh...
#1015
⇓
I mean, what the hell? You're like the NRA.
#1016
⇓
Yeah, a little bit like the NRA.
#1017
⇓
Little tiny bit. But I-I think of myself more
#1018
⇓
like Al Gore. You know, he got everybody
#1019
⇓
worked up over global warming. Then he made millions.
#1020
⇓
Huh?! Yeah. Everybody does it.
#1021
⇓
Liberals, conservatives, doesn't matter.
#1022
⇓
This is America: you're either a duper or a dupee.
#1023
⇓
I'm a duper. You guys are the dupees.
#1024
⇓
I got to go. Where you going now?
#1025
⇓
With us now is local community activist, Frank
#1026
⇓
Reynolds, with a terrifying statistic.
#1027
⇓
Frank?
#1028
⇓
Yes. Thank you, Chet.
#1029
⇓
You're welcome.
#1030
⇓
Do you know that 90% of your water is 100% toxins?
#1031
⇓
Who knows what the other 10% is?
#1032
⇓
It's probably far worse, I would imagine.
#1033
⇓
It's really worse.
#1034
⇓
I have a water filter for you that you need to put in every
#1035
⇓
single home.
#1036
⇓
It will protect you and your entire family.
#1037
⇓
You can even give that water to your babies.
#1038
⇓
Wow.
#1039
⇓
Well, babies, look out, because
#1040
⇓
this next segment is just for you.
#1041
⇓
Don't turn that channel.
#1042
⇓
Your life may depend upon it.
#1043
⇓
Got to give it to him.
#1044
⇓
He is good. That son of a bitch.
#1045
⇓
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