🎲 Surprise Me

Results (6345)

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Let that focus a little bit.
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There we go. Little juicy cheeks.
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- That looks like a crack. - Juicy, okay.
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- See the new guy knows what's up.
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From Harvard?
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- Ooh, Harvard Jack.
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All right, well, have you been out on any dates lately?
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- Funny you should ask, I've actually got firm plans
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to bang my high school ex as hard as I can tonight, so...
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- Oh, he's gonna bang her as hard as he can tonight.
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Not regular hard. Aggressively hard.
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- So it seems like you're enjoying yourself here?
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- God no. I'm teaching high school in Toledo.
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It's terrible.
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- Anyways, guess what I'm making the kids do
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in my class today. both: What?
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- They have to draw a flattering picture of me
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and then give it to their dads.
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- Ooh, yes, you know what I tell my kids.
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Okay, 'cause you know how we're learning
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about recycling, right? - Mm-hmm.
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- I just made them clean the trash
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out the backseat of my car.
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Snatch that plastic and recycle it.
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- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
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Are you saying we can make the kids do whatever we want?
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- Mm-hmm. both: Yeah.
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- This better work. - Always does.
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- All right, everybody,
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go ahead and start to shut your mouths.
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Settle into your chairs.
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Oh, oh, God!
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This chair sucks.
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Okay, listen up.
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- No, you listen up.
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- * You don't wanna teach us biology *
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- * And we know you used to teach philosophy *
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- * Well we think biology--
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- Whoa, whoa, shut up, shut up, shut up, no, no, no.
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Stop. Turn the music off. Turn it off.
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- * Oh yeah
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- Take your seats. What are you, nuts?
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Don't ever surprise me with a rap.
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Don't ever rap about learning.
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You had a saxophone solo in your rap?