🎲 Surprise Me

Results (1403)

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I was making up reasons to take that thing out.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#97
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I was just like, "We don't have any butternut squash. I gotta go."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#98
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Couple days into it, I started making up a narrative in my head.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#99
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I was like, "This is the same as a Harley. This is the same shit."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#100
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This is my hog. [vrooms]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#101
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#102
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Another day went by, I was like, "I am getting one of these…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#103
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as soon as I get back."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#104
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I started shopping online. "Do I want a blue one? Yeah."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#105
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"Do I want a basket? Fuck yeah, I want a basket on that."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#106
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And then I got back to the US of A, and within moments, I was like,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#107
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"Oh, there's not a fucking chance." Like…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#108
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#109
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"I'll get beat to death at a red light… in one of these,"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#110
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and that's when you realize that Vespas are the pickleball of the motorbike world.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#111
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They are…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#112
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[crowd laughs and applauds]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#113
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They just are.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#114
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[cheers and applause]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#115
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Yeah!
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#116
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It is simply a substitute for the real thing.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#117
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Just say you suck at tennis, you fucking cuck. Like…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#118
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Nobody wants to hear that you're excelling at a make-believe sport.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#119
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Now… "No, but it's so social."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#120
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[mock babbling]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#121
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#122
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"Anyone can do it." That's why you do it. You're soft. Now…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#123
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I did something very, very fun recently.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#124
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I got to fly with the Blue Angels.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#125
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I don't know if you know what that is.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#126
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-[cheering] -Oh, wow.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#127
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Wow!
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#128
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For those of you that don't know, that is the US Navy's aerial show program.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#129
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They put on shows all over our country that are unbelievable.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#130
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These are elite fighter pilots
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#131
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that are flying in fighter jets 18 inches apart,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#132
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and they do these wild, acrobatic stunts.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#133
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And I went to the show, and it was amazing.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#134
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Then afterwards, I met one of the organizers,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#135
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and very casually, I was like, "Yeah, I wish I could go up in one of those."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#136
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They were like, "Yeah, you can."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#137
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And I go, "What the fuck, really?"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#138
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#139
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They go, "Yeah, if you come to Pensacola, Florida."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#140
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And I was like, "Ugh!"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#141
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[crowd laughing]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#142
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"Okay." So…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#143
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I went. I went to Florida.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#144
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